Finding a Poised Moment [ Part 2 ]
Taeyeon/Minjung
PG-13, Romance
★ It was all Gwiboon's fault that Taeyeon was in a convenient store one wintery night.
A/N Slight warning: This is a girl!SHINee story that I would have never posted if it weren't for xxgingerchanxxx. I corrected them but it was written 4 years ago so the quality is questionable.
Taeyeon wouldn’t have gone to see Minjung the following day if it hadn’t been for Gwiboon and Junghee’s plans to transform the apartment into a place where finals and despair reigned. Everyone knew that Taeyeon, being an undeclared first-year student with a light course load, had it easy. She wasn’t especially thrilled to be the maid of service for her agonizing friends. A few texts to Minjung to make sure she was working and she was off.
“Hey, Taeyeonie. Finally escaped hell?” Minjung joked when she stepped inside, hair covered with snow.
“Ugh, they went to a noreabang today. Can you believe it?” Taeyeon walked to the counter, placing her jacket on it in one swift move. Her wool sweater itched; she groaned and scratched her arm in annoyance.
“Not really the time for them to do that,” Minjung had two books opened in front of her. “That’s not to say I don’t see where they’re coming from.”
Taeyeon leant onto the customer side of the counter, burying her face into the crooks of her elbows. She felt Minjung give a few friendly pats on her head, and then heard the scratching of a pencil against the surface.
“What are you doing?” Taeyeon’s voice was muffled as she refused to lift her head. When she got no answer, she lifted her head up a bit, her chin and mouth still in the woollen material of her sweater. Reading upside-down was surprisingly easy. “Psychology?”
“Yeah. Boring theory stuff.” The older girl grinned down at her. When their eyes met though, she quickly shuffled away with a cough, going to flatten down a piece of paper on the wall behind her. Taeyeon sighed.
She kind of figured what had gone wrong the night before. She had woken up late that day, past noon and well into the afternoon. With a rested mind, she’d thought things over with a considerably more lucid disposition and that’s when it hit her; maybe Minjung liked her. Maybe she liked Minjung too. And she was fairly certain that the awkwardness would die down if they both ignored whatever feelings were threatening to bud. She’d heard people talk, though, about friends who had had mutual feelings for each other at first, but never kissed, and eventually became haunted by the lingering ghosts of ‘what if’s floating at the back of their heads.
Taeyeon looked at the taller girl who had gone back to studying; her sharp features and thin lips moving as she wrote something down in her notebook.
“What are you thinking about?” Minjung asked, eyebrows furrowing. Her eyes hadn’t moved from the paper, but she must have felt Taeyeon’s gaze on her.
“I think...something’s awkward.” Taeyeon said.
Minjung glanced at her. “What is?”
“Don’t you feel it too?” Taeyeon lifted herself up on her elbows, resting her chin into her palms. “It’s kind of like...hm, yeah, actually, never mind. It’s stupid.”
“Alright.” Minjung didn’t say another word; mind focused on whatever theory she was writing in that thick notebook of hers. Taeyeon let her head fall back into its previous position. She had to think this through. To just assume that Minjung was attracted to her simply because Taeyeon felt magnetized was egotistical and wrong.
She rocked on her feet, biting her lip as she continued to observe Minjung and weighed her options. The night went on with few words being exchanged. It didn’t retain the usual comfort of their earlier days, but it beat serving coffee after coffee to overworked second-year students.
--------------
There was a part of Taeyeon that just wanted to break the innocent façade she had carved for herself and another that would rather sit out. Without knowing which one had the most chance of succeeding, she decided she needed and outsider’s point of view. However, when it came to confidantes, Taeyeon didn’t exactly have a wide range of friends to choose from. Sure she had friends, but none that could be both sympathetic and open-minded enough to give her real, untainted advices.
Sitting across from Gwiboon as the older girl tried to understand how to sew a button back on a shirt, Taeyeon thought this was really her last resort. Sure her Unnie was open-minded, but unless it had something to do with her own story, sympathy didn’t run in her veins.
“Unnie,” Taeyeon started, trying to sound pitiable in order to catch her roommate’s attention. “Unnie,”
Gwiboon stuck her tongue out in concentration. “Hmm?”
“I have- uh, I need advice.” Taeyeon brought her feet up on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest.
The older girl put the shirt on her lap and pricked the needle into the layer of thread around a spool. “On what?”
“I- you know Minjung-unnie, right?”
“Yeah, what, is her birthday coming up?” Gwiboon looked like she was waiting for questions about that night’s dinner or next week’s varsity football game; not Taeyeon taking cognisance of underlying and possibly life-changing feelings.
“No, it’s about me, I’m-” Taeyeon took a deep breath. “I think I like her.”
Gwiboon’s face didn’t change aside from her eyes going slightly wider with interest. “Yeah?”
The younger girl blinked. If she’d been bracing for an overreaction, then the complete underreaction shocked her even more. Tightening her grip around her knees, her left eye twitched.
“Hum, yes. I think. What do you think?”
“What do you want to do about it?” Gwiboon said, leaning forward. “I mean are you really willing to throw your friendship away because you’re getting a bit curious?”
“Curious?”
“Yeah, most people get curious, don’t they?” The older girl’s eyes had gotten abnormally big and the alarm with which she spoke was worrying Taeyeon. It sounded like a warning. Gwiboon exhaled, shoulders drooping. “I- uh explored my options, I guess, in my first year. There was this nice, smiley girl that caught my eye and we- well, we fooled around a bit. Nothing serious, but it did get awkward, you know. Curiosity killed the cat and all.”
Taeyeon let the words sink in, but shook her head, hair swinging with the motion. “I think it’s more than that for me,”
Gwiboon drew back, features softening as her eyes went from disquieting to compassionate. She let a short sigh out, smiling softly in a sympathetic expression.
“Okay. Okay, then.” The older girl moved from her chair to sit on the couch next to Taeyeon. “There’s really only two solutions that I see.”
“Telling her or not telling her.” Taeyeon guessed, hiding her face in her knees.
“No, of course not. You gotta tell her now or it’ll get weird.” Gwiboon said, poking her shoulder. “No, listen. A; you go down there and fess up, or B; you get her to do it first.”
Taeyeon pouted, unsatisfied. “How do I know she feels the same?”
“You don’t. Where do you think the thousands of sad love songs come from?”
Talk about encouragements. The younger girl groaned, knowing fully well that her Unnie was right and that neither of them could do anything about the doubt taking residence in Taeyeon’s mind. It was hard to process. It felt like she needed to rush; to decide now, walk out the apartment now, find Minjung and tell her. She squeaked.
“Look, Taeyeonie. We’ve known each other for, what, five years now? So I can never lie to you. There is no guarantee this will work. I can’t promise anything at all, but I assure you, you won’t regret saying it as much as you’d regret not saying anything.” Gwiboon’s smile was full of uncharacteristic kindness. “Plus, you know, I’ll help you.”
Taeyeon licked her lips, mind reeling back to a normal speed. “Okay,”
-----------
She should have expected Gwiboon getting agog at the fact that Taeyeon had a love life to speak of. If pushiness had been an issue before, it had sky-rocketed now. It was most likely the reason behind Taeyeon’s presence in the familiar convenience store on a late Thursday night. She wasn’t sure if she had chosen to come in order to escape, or if she had been carefully coaxed into going.
“Hello. Don’t you have an early class tomorrow?” Minjung questioned, watching her warily. “Did something happen?”
Taeyeon quickly displayed a smile and giggled. “My class is- uh, cancelled. I was bored,”
“Oh, okay. Well, come in.”
Minjung’s hair was getting messier as the semester progressed. What used to be elegant curls falling on her shoulders was now dry straight hair with bangs pushed aside by a plain pin. The tall girl shut her books and put them into the bag lying under the counter.
Taeyeon walked up to her, slowly pulling off her jacket. When Minjung stood up again to look at her, she did a double-take.
“Are you wearing make-up?” She said with a smirk playing on her lips.
The younger girl nodded nervously. “Is it weird?”
Minjung’s eyes gave her a quick once-over. “No, it’s ah- fine.” She moved over to let Taeyeon stand behind the counter beside her. “What’s the occasion?”
Taeyeon shrugged, going to pat down her hair after sliding her scarf off. She looked down shyly and kicked herself for it. Her eyes tickled with the barely noticeable, but unusual weight the mascara added onto her eyelashes. She’d let Gwiboon get her emergency-situation-make-up-kit out and had stood still as red was splashed onto her lips, light powder dusted on her skin and black lines drawn around her eyes.
It wasn’t anything excessive -the make-up merely bringing out her eyes and hiding imperfections-but it was discernible.
“Well, anyway, I bought bibimbap if you want some.” Minjung said, going to take a white Styrofoam box out of her school bag.
“Sure,”
Taeyeon immediately went to perch herself onto the counter -by now her self-proclaimed spot in the store. She thanked Minjung and took a pair of chopsticks, rolling them around in her palms to get the loose slivers of wood off.
“I skipped lunch today. I’m starving.” Minjung said, digging into the rice. “What did you do today?”
“I went shopping with Gwiboon-unnie,”
“Oh, is that where that dress is from?” Minjung had her hip against the counter, pointing at the other girl with her chopsticks. Taeyeon pulled at her mid-thigh dress in a self-conscious way.
“Yeah,” She finally said. “Unnie chose it for me. What do you think?”
The older girl took a slice of beef to her mouth, chewing without a care for good manners. “You’ll catch a cold.” She set her utensils down and twisted open a bottle of water. “Not that it’s not pretty,”
“I’m wearing tights though," Taeyeon said, swinging her legs up as proof.
She had to admit Minjung was right. The light, frilly dress would have been perfect for a warm spring day, but it was an odd choice of outfit on a winter night. She rubbed her eye and turned to take a bite of rice.
“There’s a new coffee shop in my building,” Taeyeon said, fighting against the silence trying to settle between them. “They have great coffee.”
“Oh yeah?” Minjung turned to face her. Their eyes met and Taeyeon would have glanced away if it weren’t for the look of fascination on Minjung’s face. She tilted her head as she leant in and Taeyeon thought this was it; the ‘moment’ Gwiboon had told her about.
Her eyelids fluttered but her eyes had widened to the point where she couldn’t squeeze them shut. She held her breath and straightened her back and strengthened her grip on her chopsticks as she did so. Minjung had a curious look on her face; one akin to the way she looked at a particularly hard question from her psychology textbook. Taeyeon felt her head strain as her eyes crossed, trying to keep their focus on Minjung’s face as it moving inwards.
“You’ve got black smudges there,” She pointed at the side of Taeyeon’s face, near her right eye.
While Taeyeon had been thinking in slow-motion, the reality was that only a mere second had passed. Minjung had gone back to eating happily and the younger girl fumbled with her chopsticks.
“Oh, sorry- uhm,” She looked for any reflective surface around her. Minjung handed her a Hello Kitty compact mirror that was on sale near the register.
Taeyeon looked at her reflection. There was indeed a slash of black ink around her eye. She blew up to get her hair out of the way as she tried to minimize the damage by rubbing at her skin with the side of her hand. Minjung, now armed with a tissue, offered help, but Taeyeon refused. Her hands were still shaking with anticipation, and her breath still snagged somewhere in her throat; she felt stupid and doleful.
Not only was she embarrassed, but she could guess that whatever Gwiboon had helped her plan -with the cute dress and elegant make-up-was a fail.
-------------
The next time Taeyeon stepped inside the convenience store -this time properly bundled up for winter time-an unknown girl was standing behind the counter. Taeyeon considered backing away and leaving without a word, but she could have sworn Minjung was supposed to be working that night.
“Hi, do you need help?” The girl said.
“Uh, I’m looking for Minjung-unnie. Do you know her?”
The girl grinned, pushing her long black hair behind her shoulder. “Yes, of course! She’s a friend! She’s writing an exam tonight.” As she said the last word, a glint a realization flashed through her eyes and she exclaimed; “Oh! Are you Taeyeon? My name is Eunsook. I’ve heard lots about you! Minjung told me you might drop by!”
“Oh, really?” Taeyeon simpered. “What- what did she say?”
“Uh, let’s see...you like sweets and uhm, you wear summer dresses in the winter and you love coffee...” Eunsook paused, fingers knocking together in what seemed to be a nervous habit. “Actually, I don’t know if you know, but she got into a bit of trouble because of you.”
Taeyeon’s smile faded, mind coming to a halt. “What?”
“We’re not supposed to allow non-employees behind the counter with us.” Eunsook said, smiling awkwardly. “Our boss warned her twice already, but she doesn’t seem to care.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean to-”
“No!” Eunsook shouted. Surprised by her own voice, she giggled bashfully. “I mean, no. It’s fine, Minjung has the most flexible schedule ever, I don’t think our boss would want to let her go. You just- might want to stay on the other side of the counter.”
“Okay,”
“Was that for her?” Eunsook said, lifting her chin to point vaguely at the box in Taeyeon’s hands.
“Yeah. They’re cookies I made.” The younger girl hesitated, clutching at the rectangular box. “Would you like one, Unnie?”
Eunsook flailed for a bit, cheeks going bright red. “Oh no, it’s a gift, isn’t it? I’d hate myself if I'd ever- Uhm, Minjung will be here tomorrow, anyway! Bring it to her then!” She grinned again, twirling a lock of hair around her finger.
“Yeah, okay.” Taeyeon nodded, bowing slightly before heading out.
She had to take a moment to catch her breath once she was out the door. She felt incredibly guilty; to the point where a low buzzing at the back of her head made her legs go numb. Shaking her head, she sniffled, then picked up her feet to head home.
---------------
“Interesting read?”
Taeyeon gazed over her shoulder. Minjung had a perplexed eyebrow raised, looking at her from behind the counter. Taeyeon had been reading the same page of a magazine for about ten minutes. The newspaper and magazine stand was placed right across the chocolate bars, in front of the cash register area.
“Not really,” Taeyeon closed the magazine and placed it back on the shelf. “How are the cookies?”
“Delicious.” The tall girl bit into a cookie to make her point. “Thank you. Are you looking for something?”
The stand was filled with sparkly and Christmassy magazine covers. Taeyeon was looking through them with patented interest.
“No, they’re just pretty.” She knew she didn’t sound convinced and she felt the stare at the back her head intensify. She bit her bottom lip, picking at the magazine in front of her to straighten the curled up edges.
“Taeyeonie, what’s going on?”
“What? Nothing.”
She heard Minjung walk around, but refused to look. When it rang again, her voice was much closer.
“Taeyeonie.” Minjung’s tone was commanding and it made her tense up.
Taeyeon avoided looking at her. Her hand fell down at her side listlessly. “I- Someone told me I wasn’t supposed to...”
The older girl crossed her arms above her chest, sighing loudly and heavily. Taeyeon wished someone would come in and break the tension.
“Eunsook-unnie promised me she wouldn’t tell.” She said harshly.
The shorter girl finally looked up, meeting angry eyes. “It’s not Unnie’s fault. You should’ve told me. I feel bad.”
Minjung continued to glower down at her, but the way she scratched at her arm let her nervousness show. “I didn’t want you to stop coming.” She said after a while.
“I would still come.”
“Right,” Minjung’s sarcasm fell on Taeyeon like a brick.
“Well we could’ve met up somewhere else?” Taeyeon said, but she wasn’t sure what she was trying to do. “You should have at least told me it’d be better to meet somewhere else.”
“I thought about it.” Minjung said, looking positively annoyed. “But I didn’t want to make things awkward.”
“Awkward?”
“Well you were a bit uncomfortable with my uh- orientation.” It was Minjung’s turn to look away, but Taeyeon’s eyes didn’t leave her face. “I was scared it would feel too much like a- uh, like a date...or something.”
Taeyeon didn’t know what to think. She sort of swayed from one side to the other, then mumbled; “Would’ve been okay with a date,”
There was a second of estranged eye-contact, and then everything went down at once. In an impulse, Taeyeon was up in Minjung’s personal space and backed up against the magazines she’d been looking at for the past half hour; squeezing herself between the stand and the other’s body.
She’d been waiting too long to see what it felt like to ruin it with words. So she opted for the next best option; leaning up and planting a quick, unsure peck on the taller girl’s lips. Her lips were coated with chapstick which made them a bit glueyer than Taeyeon would have imagined, but the kiss set fire to a range of emotions within her that brought about an unexpected rush.
When Taeyeon pulled away, looking up with hopeful eyes, Minjung seemed shocked. She bit her shaking lips, willing herself to calm down.
“Sorry I just thought, maybe…” Taeyeon was playing with the buttons on Minjung’s work polo. Realizing her actions, she took her hands back, hiding them behind her back.
“Wait. Are you saying this is okay?” Minjung said, tentatively slipping her hands around Taeyeon’s waist.
The younger girl smiled in relief, giggled and nodded happily, going to snake her arms around Minjung’s neck to ease the burying of her face into the other’s shoulder.
“You know, there’s a camera.” Minjung whispered. “Right there,” She pointed up to their right. “Not that anyone regularly watches the films, but…it happens.”
Taeyeon nuzzled further into Minjung’s neck, laughing again. “I don’t care.”
She felt arms hug her back and heard a content sigh blown into her ear. “Yeah, me neither.”
-------------
After many attempts at using Minjung’s late-night shifts for inexperienced make-out sessions, they’d agreed that the camera did, in fact, make them feel uncomfortable. Not to mention that it could easily put Minjung’s job on the line. And that is how they ended up in Taeyeon’s apartment. Unfortunately, because of a misreading on a note hanging from the fridge, Taeyeon had been under the impression that Gwiboon would be out with Junghee, but they had no such luck.
With Gwiboon rambling on the couch next to them, they eyed each other; silently hoping that the other would do something to get rid of her.
“So this girl just hands me a book and goes; this is the best book ever and you should read it,” Gwiboon said, holding up a copy of said book. “I thought how great can that book really be when there’s a freaking sparkly purple butterfly on the cover, right?”
Minjung smiled politely, nodding in agreement. Taeyeon didn’t even find the strength to change her jaded expression.
“Turns out you really should judge a book by its cover ‘cause it was the cheesiest, most overwritten love story ever.” Gwiboon said, laughing. It stopped suddenly. She looked displeased with her younger friends’ blatant disinterest. “Am I that boring? What’s up with your face Taeyeon?”
“I just thought- what was that note on the fridge?” Taeyeon said, irritated. She heard Minjung whisper something to soothe her but ignored it. “Weren’t you supposed to go see Junghee-unnie today? I thought I’d have the apartment to myself tonight.”
Gwiboon’s forehead creased. “Is that what it is?” She said, dropping her book on the seat next to her. “If you want me to go, just tell me.”
“That’s not what I meant, but-”
“It’s pretty clear. I need to go give Junghee her stupid sweater back, anyway.” Gwiboon got up, marching out of the living room. “You better get used to me being around though ‘cause I’m not tiptoeing around anyone.”
“I’m not asking you to do anything like that, Unnie.” Taeyeon said. “But if you could stay out of my way every now and then that’d be nice.”
Gwiboon scoffed. “Huh. How respectful.” She shouted from the hallway. “Have fun.” She said before they heard the door open and close with a bang.
Taeyeon gave a pleased sigh, dropping her head on Minjung’s shoulder. She giggled, twining long, elegant fingers with hers. There were very few reasons to waste more time now and, with that in mind, Taeyeon slid into Minjung’s lap. The taller girl had a strange look on her face but she brushed it off, counting it as the remains of the tension that had just left the room in the form of Gwiboon walking out the door.
There was some hesitation, but Taeyeon locked lips with her nevertheless. This was, by far, the most comfortable position they’d been in in the past two weeks of dating. Taeyeon mewled happily, pressing her palms behind Minjung’s shoulders to bring her closer.
The other girl wasn’t responsive. She seemed to be bothered and Taeyeon pulled back, sending a questioning glance. She caught a poignant look in Minjung’s eyes, but couldn’t put her finger on what exactly it was supposed to mean.
She tried to dive in again, kissing her more boldly, hoping it would cajole a response out of Minjung. When it didn’t do anything but make her blood boil for all the wrong reasons, Taeyeon set back; frown and pout already in place.
“What?”
“Taeyeon-ah. You should go apologize.” Minjung said, hands finally becoming alive and going up Taeyeon’s thighs gently, comfortingly.
Taeyeon rolled her eyes. “She’s acting like a kid,”
“And what are you doing?” Minjung all but spat out. “Don’t get me wrong, I like wherever this-” She gestured between the both of them. “...is going right now but I’d hate to be on Gwiboon’s black list.”
“I guess...” Taeyeon scrunched up her nose. “Don’t start liking Unnie too much,”
Minjung laughed at the jealous glint in her eyes. “Oh, I like her.” She said, smiling when she got a confused glare as only reaction. “But I love you.”
Taeyeon groaned, lowering her head. “You drop this on me, and then you want me to go see Gwiboon-unnie? Can’t she wait?” She whined, pushing her blushing face against Minjung’s neck.
“If you think about it, we met because of her.” Minjung said. “You owe her that much.”
The younger girl grunted in the crook of Minjung’s neck, inhaling the wintery smell stuck in her hair.
“Not to mention she helped you put together that awkward flirty outfit from a couple of weeks ago.” The taller girl laughed, making the other wallow in embarrassment.
“Don’t you ever bring this up again.” Taeyeon blurted out as she stood up, feeling Minjung’s hands leaving cold spots on her hips when they left their positions. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” She said, running to grab the closest jacket on the edge of a chair. She pulled her hair out of the high collar, but stopped before she could button up. “Ah!”
Minjung jumped with a yelp when Taeyeon flopped down in her lap again, immediately going to kiss her deeply and much more confidently than before. When she pulled back, she could only discern puzzlement in the older girl’s face.
“What-”
“I love you too,” Taeyeon said, going back to stand on shaky legs. “I thought I’d let you know before the moment’s gone.” She said, playing with her pockets and moving up and down on her feet.
“Okay, uh, okay.” Minjung cleared her throat. “You should go now. Don’t worry, I’ll wait here.”
Taeyeon giggled, smiling brightly as she fumbled with her buttons. Before she set off in the cold to look for Gwiboon, she paused to look over at Minjung who was gazing out the window, humming lowly and swinging her feet against the carpet.
The amount of self-control Minjung possessed was undeniably higher than Taeyeon and to say that the latter didn’t feel compelled to test that self-control would be a complete and utter lie. She could run back and try her luck now; she could gently lead Minjung to the bedroom, pin her down and smile as she watch the other’s face melt with lust. But then again, there were so many other scenarios possible, so many ways they could start discovering each other that pressing the issue felt like it could land them in the soup.
Taeyeon crossed the threshold decidedly. She’d seen Gwiboon get impatient and impulsive. She’d seen how annoying it could be and how unhelpful it was in relationships, and she knew she needed to learn from her Unnie’s mistakes and keep herself from making the same ones.
Patience may not have been a virtue Gwiboon had but Taeyeon could work on it. Minjung had come running into her life like a knight on white horse. Her chivalrous nature probably meant that she could wait a thousand years for Taeyeon if she needed to, but Taeyeon wouldn’t make her wait that long.
PG-13, Romance
★ It was all Gwiboon's fault that Taeyeon was in a convenient store one wintery night.
A/N Slight warning: This is a girl!SHINee story that I would have never posted if it weren't for xxgingerchanxxx. I corrected them but it was written 4 years ago so the quality is questionable.
Taeyeon wouldn’t have gone to see Minjung the following day if it hadn’t been for Gwiboon and Junghee’s plans to transform the apartment into a place where finals and despair reigned. Everyone knew that Taeyeon, being an undeclared first-year student with a light course load, had it easy. She wasn’t especially thrilled to be the maid of service for her agonizing friends. A few texts to Minjung to make sure she was working and she was off.
“Hey, Taeyeonie. Finally escaped hell?” Minjung joked when she stepped inside, hair covered with snow.
“Ugh, they went to a noreabang today. Can you believe it?” Taeyeon walked to the counter, placing her jacket on it in one swift move. Her wool sweater itched; she groaned and scratched her arm in annoyance.
“Not really the time for them to do that,” Minjung had two books opened in front of her. “That’s not to say I don’t see where they’re coming from.”
Taeyeon leant onto the customer side of the counter, burying her face into the crooks of her elbows. She felt Minjung give a few friendly pats on her head, and then heard the scratching of a pencil against the surface.
“What are you doing?” Taeyeon’s voice was muffled as she refused to lift her head. When she got no answer, she lifted her head up a bit, her chin and mouth still in the woollen material of her sweater. Reading upside-down was surprisingly easy. “Psychology?”
“Yeah. Boring theory stuff.” The older girl grinned down at her. When their eyes met though, she quickly shuffled away with a cough, going to flatten down a piece of paper on the wall behind her. Taeyeon sighed.
She kind of figured what had gone wrong the night before. She had woken up late that day, past noon and well into the afternoon. With a rested mind, she’d thought things over with a considerably more lucid disposition and that’s when it hit her; maybe Minjung liked her. Maybe she liked Minjung too. And she was fairly certain that the awkwardness would die down if they both ignored whatever feelings were threatening to bud. She’d heard people talk, though, about friends who had had mutual feelings for each other at first, but never kissed, and eventually became haunted by the lingering ghosts of ‘what if’s floating at the back of their heads.
Taeyeon looked at the taller girl who had gone back to studying; her sharp features and thin lips moving as she wrote something down in her notebook.
“What are you thinking about?” Minjung asked, eyebrows furrowing. Her eyes hadn’t moved from the paper, but she must have felt Taeyeon’s gaze on her.
“I think...something’s awkward.” Taeyeon said.
Minjung glanced at her. “What is?”
“Don’t you feel it too?” Taeyeon lifted herself up on her elbows, resting her chin into her palms. “It’s kind of like...hm, yeah, actually, never mind. It’s stupid.”
“Alright.” Minjung didn’t say another word; mind focused on whatever theory she was writing in that thick notebook of hers. Taeyeon let her head fall back into its previous position. She had to think this through. To just assume that Minjung was attracted to her simply because Taeyeon felt magnetized was egotistical and wrong.
She rocked on her feet, biting her lip as she continued to observe Minjung and weighed her options. The night went on with few words being exchanged. It didn’t retain the usual comfort of their earlier days, but it beat serving coffee after coffee to overworked second-year students.
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There was a part of Taeyeon that just wanted to break the innocent façade she had carved for herself and another that would rather sit out. Without knowing which one had the most chance of succeeding, she decided she needed and outsider’s point of view. However, when it came to confidantes, Taeyeon didn’t exactly have a wide range of friends to choose from. Sure she had friends, but none that could be both sympathetic and open-minded enough to give her real, untainted advices.
Sitting across from Gwiboon as the older girl tried to understand how to sew a button back on a shirt, Taeyeon thought this was really her last resort. Sure her Unnie was open-minded, but unless it had something to do with her own story, sympathy didn’t run in her veins.
“Unnie,” Taeyeon started, trying to sound pitiable in order to catch her roommate’s attention. “Unnie,”
Gwiboon stuck her tongue out in concentration. “Hmm?”
“I have- uh, I need advice.” Taeyeon brought her feet up on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest.
The older girl put the shirt on her lap and pricked the needle into the layer of thread around a spool. “On what?”
“I- you know Minjung-unnie, right?”
“Yeah, what, is her birthday coming up?” Gwiboon looked like she was waiting for questions about that night’s dinner or next week’s varsity football game; not Taeyeon taking cognisance of underlying and possibly life-changing feelings.
“No, it’s about me, I’m-” Taeyeon took a deep breath. “I think I like her.”
Gwiboon’s face didn’t change aside from her eyes going slightly wider with interest. “Yeah?”
The younger girl blinked. If she’d been bracing for an overreaction, then the complete underreaction shocked her even more. Tightening her grip around her knees, her left eye twitched.
“Hum, yes. I think. What do you think?”
“What do you want to do about it?” Gwiboon said, leaning forward. “I mean are you really willing to throw your friendship away because you’re getting a bit curious?”
“Curious?”
“Yeah, most people get curious, don’t they?” The older girl’s eyes had gotten abnormally big and the alarm with which she spoke was worrying Taeyeon. It sounded like a warning. Gwiboon exhaled, shoulders drooping. “I- uh explored my options, I guess, in my first year. There was this nice, smiley girl that caught my eye and we- well, we fooled around a bit. Nothing serious, but it did get awkward, you know. Curiosity killed the cat and all.”
Taeyeon let the words sink in, but shook her head, hair swinging with the motion. “I think it’s more than that for me,”
Gwiboon drew back, features softening as her eyes went from disquieting to compassionate. She let a short sigh out, smiling softly in a sympathetic expression.
“Okay. Okay, then.” The older girl moved from her chair to sit on the couch next to Taeyeon. “There’s really only two solutions that I see.”
“Telling her or not telling her.” Taeyeon guessed, hiding her face in her knees.
“No, of course not. You gotta tell her now or it’ll get weird.” Gwiboon said, poking her shoulder. “No, listen. A; you go down there and fess up, or B; you get her to do it first.”
Taeyeon pouted, unsatisfied. “How do I know she feels the same?”
“You don’t. Where do you think the thousands of sad love songs come from?”
Talk about encouragements. The younger girl groaned, knowing fully well that her Unnie was right and that neither of them could do anything about the doubt taking residence in Taeyeon’s mind. It was hard to process. It felt like she needed to rush; to decide now, walk out the apartment now, find Minjung and tell her. She squeaked.
“Look, Taeyeonie. We’ve known each other for, what, five years now? So I can never lie to you. There is no guarantee this will work. I can’t promise anything at all, but I assure you, you won’t regret saying it as much as you’d regret not saying anything.” Gwiboon’s smile was full of uncharacteristic kindness. “Plus, you know, I’ll help you.”
Taeyeon licked her lips, mind reeling back to a normal speed. “Okay,”
-----------
She should have expected Gwiboon getting agog at the fact that Taeyeon had a love life to speak of. If pushiness had been an issue before, it had sky-rocketed now. It was most likely the reason behind Taeyeon’s presence in the familiar convenience store on a late Thursday night. She wasn’t sure if she had chosen to come in order to escape, or if she had been carefully coaxed into going.
“Hello. Don’t you have an early class tomorrow?” Minjung questioned, watching her warily. “Did something happen?”
Taeyeon quickly displayed a smile and giggled. “My class is- uh, cancelled. I was bored,”
“Oh, okay. Well, come in.”
Minjung’s hair was getting messier as the semester progressed. What used to be elegant curls falling on her shoulders was now dry straight hair with bangs pushed aside by a plain pin. The tall girl shut her books and put them into the bag lying under the counter.
Taeyeon walked up to her, slowly pulling off her jacket. When Minjung stood up again to look at her, she did a double-take.
“Are you wearing make-up?” She said with a smirk playing on her lips.
The younger girl nodded nervously. “Is it weird?”
Minjung’s eyes gave her a quick once-over. “No, it’s ah- fine.” She moved over to let Taeyeon stand behind the counter beside her. “What’s the occasion?”
Taeyeon shrugged, going to pat down her hair after sliding her scarf off. She looked down shyly and kicked herself for it. Her eyes tickled with the barely noticeable, but unusual weight the mascara added onto her eyelashes. She’d let Gwiboon get her emergency-situation-make-up-kit out and had stood still as red was splashed onto her lips, light powder dusted on her skin and black lines drawn around her eyes.
It wasn’t anything excessive -the make-up merely bringing out her eyes and hiding imperfections-but it was discernible.
“Well, anyway, I bought bibimbap if you want some.” Minjung said, going to take a white Styrofoam box out of her school bag.
“Sure,”
Taeyeon immediately went to perch herself onto the counter -by now her self-proclaimed spot in the store. She thanked Minjung and took a pair of chopsticks, rolling them around in her palms to get the loose slivers of wood off.
“I skipped lunch today. I’m starving.” Minjung said, digging into the rice. “What did you do today?”
“I went shopping with Gwiboon-unnie,”
“Oh, is that where that dress is from?” Minjung had her hip against the counter, pointing at the other girl with her chopsticks. Taeyeon pulled at her mid-thigh dress in a self-conscious way.
“Yeah,” She finally said. “Unnie chose it for me. What do you think?”
The older girl took a slice of beef to her mouth, chewing without a care for good manners. “You’ll catch a cold.” She set her utensils down and twisted open a bottle of water. “Not that it’s not pretty,”
“I’m wearing tights though," Taeyeon said, swinging her legs up as proof.
She had to admit Minjung was right. The light, frilly dress would have been perfect for a warm spring day, but it was an odd choice of outfit on a winter night. She rubbed her eye and turned to take a bite of rice.
“There’s a new coffee shop in my building,” Taeyeon said, fighting against the silence trying to settle between them. “They have great coffee.”
“Oh yeah?” Minjung turned to face her. Their eyes met and Taeyeon would have glanced away if it weren’t for the look of fascination on Minjung’s face. She tilted her head as she leant in and Taeyeon thought this was it; the ‘moment’ Gwiboon had told her about.
Her eyelids fluttered but her eyes had widened to the point where she couldn’t squeeze them shut. She held her breath and straightened her back and strengthened her grip on her chopsticks as she did so. Minjung had a curious look on her face; one akin to the way she looked at a particularly hard question from her psychology textbook. Taeyeon felt her head strain as her eyes crossed, trying to keep their focus on Minjung’s face as it moving inwards.
“You’ve got black smudges there,” She pointed at the side of Taeyeon’s face, near her right eye.
While Taeyeon had been thinking in slow-motion, the reality was that only a mere second had passed. Minjung had gone back to eating happily and the younger girl fumbled with her chopsticks.
“Oh, sorry- uhm,” She looked for any reflective surface around her. Minjung handed her a Hello Kitty compact mirror that was on sale near the register.
Taeyeon looked at her reflection. There was indeed a slash of black ink around her eye. She blew up to get her hair out of the way as she tried to minimize the damage by rubbing at her skin with the side of her hand. Minjung, now armed with a tissue, offered help, but Taeyeon refused. Her hands were still shaking with anticipation, and her breath still snagged somewhere in her throat; she felt stupid and doleful.
Not only was she embarrassed, but she could guess that whatever Gwiboon had helped her plan -with the cute dress and elegant make-up-was a fail.
-------------
The next time Taeyeon stepped inside the convenience store -this time properly bundled up for winter time-an unknown girl was standing behind the counter. Taeyeon considered backing away and leaving without a word, but she could have sworn Minjung was supposed to be working that night.
“Hi, do you need help?” The girl said.
“Uh, I’m looking for Minjung-unnie. Do you know her?”
The girl grinned, pushing her long black hair behind her shoulder. “Yes, of course! She’s a friend! She’s writing an exam tonight.” As she said the last word, a glint a realization flashed through her eyes and she exclaimed; “Oh! Are you Taeyeon? My name is Eunsook. I’ve heard lots about you! Minjung told me you might drop by!”
“Oh, really?” Taeyeon simpered. “What- what did she say?”
“Uh, let’s see...you like sweets and uhm, you wear summer dresses in the winter and you love coffee...” Eunsook paused, fingers knocking together in what seemed to be a nervous habit. “Actually, I don’t know if you know, but she got into a bit of trouble because of you.”
Taeyeon’s smile faded, mind coming to a halt. “What?”
“We’re not supposed to allow non-employees behind the counter with us.” Eunsook said, smiling awkwardly. “Our boss warned her twice already, but she doesn’t seem to care.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean to-”
“No!” Eunsook shouted. Surprised by her own voice, she giggled bashfully. “I mean, no. It’s fine, Minjung has the most flexible schedule ever, I don’t think our boss would want to let her go. You just- might want to stay on the other side of the counter.”
“Okay,”
“Was that for her?” Eunsook said, lifting her chin to point vaguely at the box in Taeyeon’s hands.
“Yeah. They’re cookies I made.” The younger girl hesitated, clutching at the rectangular box. “Would you like one, Unnie?”
Eunsook flailed for a bit, cheeks going bright red. “Oh no, it’s a gift, isn’t it? I’d hate myself if I'd ever- Uhm, Minjung will be here tomorrow, anyway! Bring it to her then!” She grinned again, twirling a lock of hair around her finger.
“Yeah, okay.” Taeyeon nodded, bowing slightly before heading out.
She had to take a moment to catch her breath once she was out the door. She felt incredibly guilty; to the point where a low buzzing at the back of her head made her legs go numb. Shaking her head, she sniffled, then picked up her feet to head home.
---------------
“Interesting read?”
Taeyeon gazed over her shoulder. Minjung had a perplexed eyebrow raised, looking at her from behind the counter. Taeyeon had been reading the same page of a magazine for about ten minutes. The newspaper and magazine stand was placed right across the chocolate bars, in front of the cash register area.
“Not really,” Taeyeon closed the magazine and placed it back on the shelf. “How are the cookies?”
“Delicious.” The tall girl bit into a cookie to make her point. “Thank you. Are you looking for something?”
The stand was filled with sparkly and Christmassy magazine covers. Taeyeon was looking through them with patented interest.
“No, they’re just pretty.” She knew she didn’t sound convinced and she felt the stare at the back her head intensify. She bit her bottom lip, picking at the magazine in front of her to straighten the curled up edges.
“Taeyeonie, what’s going on?”
“What? Nothing.”
She heard Minjung walk around, but refused to look. When it rang again, her voice was much closer.
“Taeyeonie.” Minjung’s tone was commanding and it made her tense up.
Taeyeon avoided looking at her. Her hand fell down at her side listlessly. “I- Someone told me I wasn’t supposed to...”
The older girl crossed her arms above her chest, sighing loudly and heavily. Taeyeon wished someone would come in and break the tension.
“Eunsook-unnie promised me she wouldn’t tell.” She said harshly.
The shorter girl finally looked up, meeting angry eyes. “It’s not Unnie’s fault. You should’ve told me. I feel bad.”
Minjung continued to glower down at her, but the way she scratched at her arm let her nervousness show. “I didn’t want you to stop coming.” She said after a while.
“I would still come.”
“Right,” Minjung’s sarcasm fell on Taeyeon like a brick.
“Well we could’ve met up somewhere else?” Taeyeon said, but she wasn’t sure what she was trying to do. “You should have at least told me it’d be better to meet somewhere else.”
“I thought about it.” Minjung said, looking positively annoyed. “But I didn’t want to make things awkward.”
“Awkward?”
“Well you were a bit uncomfortable with my uh- orientation.” It was Minjung’s turn to look away, but Taeyeon’s eyes didn’t leave her face. “I was scared it would feel too much like a- uh, like a date...or something.”
Taeyeon didn’t know what to think. She sort of swayed from one side to the other, then mumbled; “Would’ve been okay with a date,”
There was a second of estranged eye-contact, and then everything went down at once. In an impulse, Taeyeon was up in Minjung’s personal space and backed up against the magazines she’d been looking at for the past half hour; squeezing herself between the stand and the other’s body.
She’d been waiting too long to see what it felt like to ruin it with words. So she opted for the next best option; leaning up and planting a quick, unsure peck on the taller girl’s lips. Her lips were coated with chapstick which made them a bit glueyer than Taeyeon would have imagined, but the kiss set fire to a range of emotions within her that brought about an unexpected rush.
When Taeyeon pulled away, looking up with hopeful eyes, Minjung seemed shocked. She bit her shaking lips, willing herself to calm down.
“Sorry I just thought, maybe…” Taeyeon was playing with the buttons on Minjung’s work polo. Realizing her actions, she took her hands back, hiding them behind her back.
“Wait. Are you saying this is okay?” Minjung said, tentatively slipping her hands around Taeyeon’s waist.
The younger girl smiled in relief, giggled and nodded happily, going to snake her arms around Minjung’s neck to ease the burying of her face into the other’s shoulder.
“You know, there’s a camera.” Minjung whispered. “Right there,” She pointed up to their right. “Not that anyone regularly watches the films, but…it happens.”
Taeyeon nuzzled further into Minjung’s neck, laughing again. “I don’t care.”
She felt arms hug her back and heard a content sigh blown into her ear. “Yeah, me neither.”
-------------
After many attempts at using Minjung’s late-night shifts for inexperienced make-out sessions, they’d agreed that the camera did, in fact, make them feel uncomfortable. Not to mention that it could easily put Minjung’s job on the line. And that is how they ended up in Taeyeon’s apartment. Unfortunately, because of a misreading on a note hanging from the fridge, Taeyeon had been under the impression that Gwiboon would be out with Junghee, but they had no such luck.
With Gwiboon rambling on the couch next to them, they eyed each other; silently hoping that the other would do something to get rid of her.
“So this girl just hands me a book and goes; this is the best book ever and you should read it,” Gwiboon said, holding up a copy of said book. “I thought how great can that book really be when there’s a freaking sparkly purple butterfly on the cover, right?”
Minjung smiled politely, nodding in agreement. Taeyeon didn’t even find the strength to change her jaded expression.
“Turns out you really should judge a book by its cover ‘cause it was the cheesiest, most overwritten love story ever.” Gwiboon said, laughing. It stopped suddenly. She looked displeased with her younger friends’ blatant disinterest. “Am I that boring? What’s up with your face Taeyeon?”
“I just thought- what was that note on the fridge?” Taeyeon said, irritated. She heard Minjung whisper something to soothe her but ignored it. “Weren’t you supposed to go see Junghee-unnie today? I thought I’d have the apartment to myself tonight.”
Gwiboon’s forehead creased. “Is that what it is?” She said, dropping her book on the seat next to her. “If you want me to go, just tell me.”
“That’s not what I meant, but-”
“It’s pretty clear. I need to go give Junghee her stupid sweater back, anyway.” Gwiboon got up, marching out of the living room. “You better get used to me being around though ‘cause I’m not tiptoeing around anyone.”
“I’m not asking you to do anything like that, Unnie.” Taeyeon said. “But if you could stay out of my way every now and then that’d be nice.”
Gwiboon scoffed. “Huh. How respectful.” She shouted from the hallway. “Have fun.” She said before they heard the door open and close with a bang.
Taeyeon gave a pleased sigh, dropping her head on Minjung’s shoulder. She giggled, twining long, elegant fingers with hers. There were very few reasons to waste more time now and, with that in mind, Taeyeon slid into Minjung’s lap. The taller girl had a strange look on her face but she brushed it off, counting it as the remains of the tension that had just left the room in the form of Gwiboon walking out the door.
There was some hesitation, but Taeyeon locked lips with her nevertheless. This was, by far, the most comfortable position they’d been in in the past two weeks of dating. Taeyeon mewled happily, pressing her palms behind Minjung’s shoulders to bring her closer.
The other girl wasn’t responsive. She seemed to be bothered and Taeyeon pulled back, sending a questioning glance. She caught a poignant look in Minjung’s eyes, but couldn’t put her finger on what exactly it was supposed to mean.
She tried to dive in again, kissing her more boldly, hoping it would cajole a response out of Minjung. When it didn’t do anything but make her blood boil for all the wrong reasons, Taeyeon set back; frown and pout already in place.
“What?”
“Taeyeon-ah. You should go apologize.” Minjung said, hands finally becoming alive and going up Taeyeon’s thighs gently, comfortingly.
Taeyeon rolled her eyes. “She’s acting like a kid,”
“And what are you doing?” Minjung all but spat out. “Don’t get me wrong, I like wherever this-” She gestured between the both of them. “...is going right now but I’d hate to be on Gwiboon’s black list.”
“I guess...” Taeyeon scrunched up her nose. “Don’t start liking Unnie too much,”
Minjung laughed at the jealous glint in her eyes. “Oh, I like her.” She said, smiling when she got a confused glare as only reaction. “But I love you.”
Taeyeon groaned, lowering her head. “You drop this on me, and then you want me to go see Gwiboon-unnie? Can’t she wait?” She whined, pushing her blushing face against Minjung’s neck.
“If you think about it, we met because of her.” Minjung said. “You owe her that much.”
The younger girl grunted in the crook of Minjung’s neck, inhaling the wintery smell stuck in her hair.
“Not to mention she helped you put together that awkward flirty outfit from a couple of weeks ago.” The taller girl laughed, making the other wallow in embarrassment.
“Don’t you ever bring this up again.” Taeyeon blurted out as she stood up, feeling Minjung’s hands leaving cold spots on her hips when they left their positions. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” She said, running to grab the closest jacket on the edge of a chair. She pulled her hair out of the high collar, but stopped before she could button up. “Ah!”
Minjung jumped with a yelp when Taeyeon flopped down in her lap again, immediately going to kiss her deeply and much more confidently than before. When she pulled back, she could only discern puzzlement in the older girl’s face.
“What-”
“I love you too,” Taeyeon said, going back to stand on shaky legs. “I thought I’d let you know before the moment’s gone.” She said, playing with her pockets and moving up and down on her feet.
“Okay, uh, okay.” Minjung cleared her throat. “You should go now. Don’t worry, I’ll wait here.”
Taeyeon giggled, smiling brightly as she fumbled with her buttons. Before she set off in the cold to look for Gwiboon, she paused to look over at Minjung who was gazing out the window, humming lowly and swinging her feet against the carpet.
The amount of self-control Minjung possessed was undeniably higher than Taeyeon and to say that the latter didn’t feel compelled to test that self-control would be a complete and utter lie. She could run back and try her luck now; she could gently lead Minjung to the bedroom, pin her down and smile as she watch the other’s face melt with lust. But then again, there were so many other scenarios possible, so many ways they could start discovering each other that pressing the issue felt like it could land them in the soup.
Taeyeon crossed the threshold decidedly. She’d seen Gwiboon get impatient and impulsive. She’d seen how annoying it could be and how unhelpful it was in relationships, and she knew she needed to learn from her Unnie’s mistakes and keep herself from making the same ones.
Patience may not have been a virtue Gwiboon had but Taeyeon could work on it. Minjung had come running into her life like a knight on white horse. Her chivalrous nature probably meant that she could wait a thousand years for Taeyeon if she needed to, but Taeyeon wouldn’t make her wait that long.