Best Day of My Life
Title: Best Day of My Life
Author: Gabrielle (smokeandglass)
Pairing/Character: Lilly; mentions of Lilly/Logan, Lilly/Aaron, Logan/Yolanda, and Lilly's implied Lilly/Veronica.
Word Count: 2,128
Rating: R. That Lilly and her foul mouth.
Summary: Lilly on her thoughts the day she died.
Spoilers/Warnings: Up to 1.22
Kane Estate
“Lilly.” God, shut up. “Lilly.” Shut the fuck up, mother. “Lillian Kane!”
Good Lord. “WHAT?”
She actually looks shocked. Well, wasn’t this fun. “Do you ever listen to me?”
“Define listen.” Where the hell is my lip-gloss? I put it right there. “Mom, did you move my lip- gloss?”
She’s smirking. Bless the day I taught her to smirk. “Define move.”
Hmm. I suppose in her world that’s smart. “Very funny, mom. I need my lip-gloss.”
“Maybe the dog ate it,” Donut says from the doorway and God, now I know where Mommy Dearest gets her sense of humor. And, of course she’s laughing, which is almost as scary as her trying to be funny.
“God, Donut, shut up for a second and you’ll see why mom never let you have a dog.”
He’s doing that stupid pouting this again. “I never wanted a dog anyway,” he says as he slinks out of the room. Freakin’ wimp. Thank God Veronica cut him loose. I would too if we weren’t, like, related and… ew, I so can’t be thinking that right now and- “Mom! I need my lip-gloss!”
She has that stony face again. God, how I miss that stupid smirk. “What you need is to be on your best behavior,” she corrects before pointing towards a small purple box. “Your father and I bought that box especially so you could put your jewelry and… other accessory’s in a safe place. I honestly don’t know why you don’t use it.”
Don’t roll your eyes, Lilly. You want the car today. Don’t roll your eyes, Lilly. “I don’t get what’s so important about today anyway. It’s not like you haven’t been through all of this already.”
Her jaw’s clenching and five bucks says she’ll break it before she’s 40. “These people are very important, Lillian.” Uh oh, someone’s PMSing. “They may just be the most important people your father and I will ever meet.”
Okay, fuck the car. This totally permits eye rolling. “Well, lucky for me that I wasn’t invited.”
“No,” she says and for a second I raise my head in surprise. So she did want to invite me? I knew she loved me all this time. “It’s lucky for us you didn’t get invited. “
Shrug it off, Lilly. “Well, on the flip side, neither was Donut so-”
“Actually, he was.” God, she loves this, doesn’t she? “He just decided that he would rather play soccer today.”
Fucking bitch.
“Well, you know what they say. You can’t separate a boy and his ball.”
Pick at those loose fibers, Celeste. Pinch yourself while you’re at it. “I really don’t have time to deal with this, Lilly. Not today.”
“Aw, and here I thought we were bonding.”
Hmm. And she tells me not to roll my eyes. “Go put on some clothes before your father gets here.”
“Oh, but this is what I’m wearing.” Nice spin, Kane. Extra points for style. Now just finish it off with a hair flip and… “Go, pep!”
Her wrinkly jaw just hit the ground. There’s an oral joke somewhere about moments like this. “That’s not funny, Lilly. That’s what you’d wear to sleep, not in public.”
God, mothers are so stupid. “Sleep? In this? Yeah, right. I would have thought that you of all people would remember that glorious night you yelled at me to go put on some clothes when I went downstairs to get… milk.”
She flinches when I say milk and her left eyebrow twitches. It’s actually kind of funny. Figures, she’s suddenly hilarious when she’s not trying to be. “Well, I wouldn’t have had to yell at you if you weren’t parading around the house without clothes.”
“Naked, mom?” Rollie, rollie, rollie, rollie, rollie, rollie. “Yeah, well, I can see why you’d get red like a tomato over that. That guy dad was talking with was pretty hot.” Where are my sneakers? “Did I tell you that we went out after that?” Ooh, I love this. What color is this? Virgin. Ironic if Veronica ever taught me anything. “Well, before he came out anyway.”
That’s right, Celeste. Take deep breaths. Maybe if I’m lucky you’ll have a heart attack and die. “Lilly-”
“I still can’t believe he was gay though.” See? Look at that. I put the lip- gloss back in that stupid box, just like you’d hammer me to do for the next week. “He seemed to like me well enough, if you know what I mean.” If only winking were an Olympic sport…
“Lilly, I think it’d be best if you left now before one of us says something we don’t mean.”
God, I love the way I smile. “Leave? Mom, is this your lame way of trying to kick me out cause, really, I’m not Donut. I won’t really fall for that.”
“Lillian!”
Oh, shit. Maybe I should leave now. But not before a little good-bye. “Good luck at dinner, Mama.” Mwah mwah. “Tell papa that I love him. Like, more than I love you, kay?”
Oh no. She’s smirking. I can feel it. Well, after that flashback to Mister Hot- too- bad- he’s- gay- cause- he- sure- was- hot- hence- the- name Shot, I’m feeling a lot of stuff. “Say goodbye to your brother for me.”
And I’ll say it again: Fucking bitch. “If he’s still conscious.”
Lilly: A gazillion and five.
Celeste: 1 (She did give birth to me, after all).
Duncan: Out of the game.
Dad: God, I wonder what he’d say if he knew I was betting on myself.
Neptune Highway
“You look hot, Veronica. Stop worrying.” Shit. We could have died just then. “If only you were a guy. Hell, if only you had boobs, it would have totally worked out.” I hate traffic. “Why’d you give up on that Miracle- Grow thing?”
Uh oh. Someone’s been tweaked. “It wasn’t a Miracle- Grow thing and I gave up on it because it didn’t work.”
“Chill out, Veronica Mars. I really don’t give two shits about whether or not your boobs are as big as mine. As for as I’m concerned, we were built the same.”
Veronica, did you just snort? “Yeah, when we were 12.”
Umm… “Not really, actually. I was actually growing boobs then too. Remember? Logan and the ‘What- are- you- doing- with- your- hand- under- my- daughter’s- shirt?’ thing?”
“Oh, yeah. Too bad you never told them it was a dare.” … Lord, awkward pauses are for shitheads… “You and Logan have a serious track record, Lilly.”
Serious? Because we lost our virginity to each other? You have so much to learn, babe. “Yeah, so?”
“So, maybe you guys should…” She’s hesitating now. Here we go. “Get back together?”
Do I have to give you a spanking, Mars? “No way. Kissing Yolanda was the last straw, Veronica. We are so totally over.”
“Lilly?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you…” Spit it out, Mars. “Have you ever… you know,” wish I did, “kissed another guy? Besides Logan?”
Well, duh, Veronica Mars. Just cause you can suppress your hotness doesn’t mean I know how to. “Not when we were together!”
That’s right, Mars. Keep on grinning. “Y- yeah. That’s what I thought.”
“Hmm. It better be.”
Someone’s honking behind us and… “Yo, Kane!”
Priscilla and Mr. Hotty Dude. Maybe me and Veronica can ditch the chick and slave hold the boy. “Pricilla. Finally fessing up on the big crush you have on me? Cause, uh, your boyfriend’s hot and I’m totally into threesomes.” Wow. I didn’t know she could get any whiter. “Joking, loser. Now… what do you want?”
“Some dude was asking for you.”
“What dude isn’t?”
“Yeah, well, he actually called my house so…”
Get your act together, girls. This could be your big break to get out of this hellhole. “Wait. I’ll talk to you when we get to the carwash.”
“Cool, I’ll see you there.”
Carwash
“Hey, Veronica.” Ow, I almost fell that time. Stupid rock. “Guess what?”
Aw, that’s not even your guessing face, Veronica. “What?”
“I LOVE you.” I’d hug you but you’d get bubbles on your shirt. “And, when we’re 18, we’re going to buy a summerhouse with all of my trust fund money.” Don’t look at me like that. “I bet Celeste would love to have me out of her hair.”
Speechless, Veronica Mars? Well, we can’t have any of that now.
“Hey, Veronica,” I hate when you look at me like that. It’s like I did something wrong. “Why’re you looking at me like that, Mars? Finally admitting to your true feelings?” “
She’s so cute when she blushes. “N-no, I-”
“Cause I thought I felt you slip me a little tongue during Homecoming. It’s nice to know that I was right.” Scoff. “As always.”
“Lilly!” She’s breathless now. Perfect. “God, Lilly. I see the Prozac’s working.”
I’m sure Celeste would love that, too. You’re a genius. “High on life, Veronica Mars.”
Scrub a dub a dubba.
“I’ve got a secret, Veronica Mars.” Don’t smile yet, Veronica. You don’t even know what it is. “A good one. “
“Girls, less talk, more scrub.” Jean says over me (who does she think she is?). I hate her.
See me rolling my eyes, Veronica? Check out what I’m rolling to. Yes, they’re totally fake. No, I’m not joking. Don’t look so victimized, Veronica Mars. You’re hardly Miss Innocent.
“Later,” I whisper. God, I hate whispering. I have so much to say! Is it my fault that people aren’t ready?
Echolls Pool House
Aaron Echolls has a nice ass but mine is better. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah… I could totally be a songwriter. You know, if the whole fucking soon-to-be-has-beens ever gets old. Ha. Or I could be a comedian…
I hate that we have to meet in the pool house. What the fuck’s so great about the pool house? Why not in his bedroom? It’s not like Lynn’s that smart. She’d hardly recognize my fondness for her husband from her own. If they still do it. I wouldn’t want to kiss those lips either. Though, I do have to say, for an old lady she does keep a bitchin’ body.
Celeste, take notice.
Mmm. I love these covers though. Talk about comfy. I could fuck a crocodile on these.
Ha. Who bought that chandelier- Celeste? What the? Is that a-?
Camera’s, eh? “Oh, you dirty dog.”
Highway
Ugh, I hate cell phones. Who the hell is it now?
Mr. Echolls.
That just seems extra dirty now. Fabulous.
And let that bastard go to voicemail and we’ll be home soon enough. Say hello beach house and bye- bye trust fund money. You so owe me, Veronica Mars.
Kane Backyard
Okay, why the hell is my magazine open? Who- Ooh, Duncan, you dirty butt hole. I knew you were gay all this time. Oh, Veronica’s totally going to love me for this. Speaking of which, where the hell’s my cell phone? Damn it, did I leave it in the car? Speaking of which, me and Mommy Dearest totally need to have a talk about that car. I totally need it for-
Wait, where’s my phone?
“I want those tapes back!”
Showtime.
“Mr. Echolls, hi.” Hee. That sounds so scandalous now. Well, regardless, it’s time to show whose the real actor here. “Sorry, Logan’s not here.” Don’t let your true feelings show, Lilly. This is about you, not his ass wipe of a son.
Hmm. He doesn’t seem too happy though. I wonder why. “I am not playing with you.”
Well, if only you’d act like that in your movies, Mr. Echolls. “Oh, really.” That’s right, Lilly. Lets start off with a coy walk. He’s so not ready for what else I have up my sleeve. “Well, you're usually very interested in playing with me.”
“Lilly, give me the tapes, now.”
“Like, what, you don’t see yourself enough of film?” That’s right, Mr. Echolls, show me emotion. Show me anger. I’m getting bored here.
Don’t- what the hell! Let go of me, you psycho! “I want those tapes, you stupid little bitch.”
God, Aaron. You suck. You can’t even emote properly. Watch this. “Oh, I'm the stupid one?” And to finish it off with the oh- so perfect ending: “Well, now you can just watch the tapes on Access Hollywood along with the rest of America.” Now, where did I say my phone was-
Holy shit.
Purgatory
So, the moral of my story, kiddos, is that you should always have your cell phone on you or some jealous psycho (but still way hot for someone over, like, prehistoric years) might kill you with your own ashtray. God, talk about poor taste. The least he could do was bring his own gun to the sword fight. Or whatever.
Authors Note: Well, that's the end then. Writers live for feedback, especially this one. And, yes, Lilly totally talks to herself in the third person. Couldn't you just see it: "Lilly, you are so fabulous", "Oh God, Lilly, you should totally be illegal," ect. ect.