Fic: Something Good (Veronica/Logan) NC-17
Title: Something Good
Author: chynaj
Pairing/Character: Veronica/Logan
Word Count: 5,078
Rating: NC-17 (language, sex)
Summary: Veronica decides to take a different kind of chance...
Spoilers: Through 3.10 (Show Me the Monkey)
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of Veronica Mars. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This is a companion piece to my earlier, Logan POV fic, “ Unbearable.” They’re both “missing scenes” from 3.10, with a small element of AU. Feedback is much appreciated!
Veronica drove through town in a daze, her hands automatically making the turns and stops that would take her to the Neptune Grande as they had so many times before. Her mind wasn’t on the road-it was wondering what she would say or do when she got there.
What am I doing? He broke up with me. What if he slams the door in my face? What if he’s moved on?
She had tried to move on, but she knew she hadn’t. When she’d returned to campus after winter break, Veronica found herself constantly scanning the crowd of students, hoping to catch a glance of him. Finally, she saw him walking through the school food court. Her breath caught in her throat and she felt a familiar tingle between her legs. Damn him, he can still get me hot from across the room. Every cell in Veronica’s body wanted to leap out of her chair and throw herself into his arms, kissing him until he had to take her back. She examined his every movement, trying to read his feelings, to see on his face whether he missed her as much as she missed him. Is he sad? Or maybe just tired from a late night out? Was he out with someone else?!? When did I become this girl? Just then, Mac thankfully showed up with a new case to occupy Veronica’s overactive imagination.
But her mind was never really off of him. Over the next few days, she worked on the case (while also working to hook Mac up with the cute animal-rights guy), but missing monkeys and rescued rats didn’t provide enough distraction.
The nights were the hardest, when the smooth sheets against her body evoked memories of his warm hands caressing her skin, damp with perspiration. She tossed and turned, desperately trying to fall asleep as her mind raced with images of hot tongues intertwined and rough hands in soft, wet places. On most nights, the only way she could quiet her imagination was to touch herself as he did, starting out gently and increasing the rhythm as she rocked her hips into her hand. She could almost feel him pushing his long fingers inside her, whispering dirty/sweet nothings into her ear as she gasped his name and exploded in his embrace. It was usually less than satisfying-no substitute for the real thing-but it was enough to calm her mind into a sleep full of erotic dreams, usually set in the Hearst Library stacks or the girls’ bathroom at Neptune High.
After solving the monkey case (although her clients didn’t know that), Veronica had found herself alone in the food court, trying to finish her dinner before the janitors turned the last lights off. When Piz came over from the radio station, she’d hoped he would be able to cheer her up. At first, she was amused by his talk of his friends’ random hookups, but then their conversation got more serious.
“I figure, you know, I mean, I know what I like,” Piz said. “Why waste my time?”
“Like, why bother with something not good just because it's something?” she heard herself reply. I had something good. Actually, it was great, most of the time. And he loved me. Really loved me. So how did I manage to fuck that up?
“Especially when you know the difference, which not many people do,” Piz continued. “I mean, do you?”
“I...I think I do,” she stammered. I didn’t, not when he needed me to.
As she and Piz continued to talk, Veronica decided that she needed to see him. I made him feel like a disappointment, she thought guiltily, as she recalled their breakup conversation. I couldn’t tell him how much I needed him, how much I loved him…he has to know that. I have to tell him that I know we had something good, even if it’s too late to get it back. She scarfed down the rest of her dinner and Piz walked her to her car.
“Thanks, Piz,” she said, reaching up to give him a quick hug. “I’m really glad we got to talk tonight.”
“Sure! Yeah, me too,” he said brightly. Piz is such a nice guy-kind of cute, too. Since she’d been successful in getting Mac together with Bronson, Veronica thought maybe she’d work on finding Piz a cool girlfriend next. But first she needed to see to her own love life…
Veronica pulled into the Grande lot and parked in her usual space, and walked her usual route through the lobby to the elevator, giving a quick wave to Tina at the front desk on the way. She prayed the elevator would come quickly, before she had a chance to really think about what she was doing and chicken out. As if someone heard her, the doors popped open and she stepped inside.
“I love you. I love you, and I know that you and I are great together, and I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate you when we were together, and I want you to give me another chance,” she rehearsed in her head. See, how hard is that? I can say that. He needs to hear the words, and I need to say them. “I love you…” She repeated the words like a mantra in her head as she stepped out of the elevator and walked slowly toward his door. “Please give me another chance.” She stopped at his door, took a deep breath, and knocked.
No answer. Crap.
What if he’s not even home and I’ve psyched myself up for nothing? What if he’s out with-no, stop thinking like that. Veronica knocked again. As she heard the click of the doorknob turning, she held her breath.
It was him.
Veronica froze. Say it! You came all this way, so just say it! She opened her mouth slightly, but no words would come out. Say something! Anything!!
In the midst of her panic, she looked at him standing there and her eyes welled. Oh my God-he’s so… sad. He’s sad and broken and I did that to him. Her brow furrowed and the corners of her mouth twitched as she tried not to burst into tears. He loved me with his whole heart and trusted me completely, and I made him feel like that wasn’t enough. I don’t even know what I can say. He was hot and tender, and sexy and sensitive, and funny and kind, and what the hell is wrong with me? God, I’ve missed him so much. I just need to-
Before she knew what she was doing, Veronica’s arms were around his neck and she was kissing him passionately, desperately, trying to erase the pain she had caused him. When she felt his hands on her back, pulling her closer to him, she nearly sobbed with relief. He spun her around without breaking the kiss-he knew she loved it when he did that-as she heard the door slam.
She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed how he felt, how he tasted, and how easy it was for her to slip into his arms. Pushing her tongue into his mouth, she wanted to taste and smell and touch every inch of him to make up for their weeks apart. Then he suddenly pulled away from her.
For a moment, Veronica was terrified that he was going to say this was a mistake, that she needed to leave, but then he leaned down and buried his face in her neck. She tangled her fingers in his hair, holding him close.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he rasped. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.” His hot breath on her neck sent a shiver through her body.
“I’m so sorry,” she sighed, gently pulling his head back so she could see his face. Say it. “I need you, I do. I need you so much it hurts. Don’t ever leave me.”
“Never,” he whispered, holding her face in his hands and touching his forehead to hers. The intimate gesture never failed to make her melt. “I’m an idiot. That was a mistake. I never should have…”
“Stop,” she said, kissing him softly. “We both made mistakes. And we’re gonna do better this time. But we’re going to talk about it later.” She lightly licked his lower lip-which she knew drove him crazy-before pressing her mouth to his again.
He slipped her jacket off her shoulders and tossed it away, then lifted her up so that she was sitting on the back of the couch. She wrapped her legs around his waist, using her calves to press his hips into hers, and she let out a little sigh of pleasure.
Veronica hadn’t come to him for sex-she really just wanted to talk. But right now, her body ached for him. They could talk later. They needed to talk later, but now she needed to feel his skin against hers, to have him inside her, to lick and kiss and touch until they were spent.
He pulled the rubberband out of her hair and ran his fingers through her waves as he lightly licked the side of her neck. “Oh God,” she murmured, grinding her core against the hard-on that was straining through his jeans. “Let’s go to your room.”
As she held her legs tightly around him, he picked her up and carried her into his bedroom. He tried to kick the door closed, but it was too heavy and he almost fell. “Fuck.”
She giggled, glad for the unintentional break in the tension. He laid her on his bed, closed the door, then turned back to face her. His cheeks were flushed, and he ran a hand through his hair as he smiled at her. She hadn’t seen that smile in months. It made her wonder what he was up to.
In an instant, he was on top of her, kissing her hungrily and rubbing his body against hers. She needed to feel his warmth, so she quickly pulled his sweater over his head and threw it across the room. As she ran her hands over his naked back, she wanted to devour him. He groaned as she bit down lightly on his shoulder.
When he grabbed the hem of her shirt to pull it up over her head, Veronica realized in horror that she was wearing her old, laundry-day bra and too-big panties. She hoped that in the heat of things, he wouldn’t notice. He made short work of removing her bra, so she decided that he didn’t.
Then he stopped and stared for a moment. “What?” she asked, a little self-consciously.
“It’s just been too long since I’ve seen them,” he said in wonder, as though he were seeing them for the first time. “I…just…”
Instead of finishing that thought, he showed her what he meant, leaning over her to lavish attention on her breasts. He used his tongue-his amazing, talented tongue, she thought-to kiss and lick and suck until she was grasping at his hair and pulling him toward her, silently praying he’d start moving down her heated body.
As though he’d read her thoughts, he slid slowly down, kissing her stomach as he went. Oh God…he’s going so slowly…he’s doing this on purpose…he’s trying to drive me crazy… To give him quicker access, she lifted her hips to help him remove her pants. As he flung them across the room, she wriggled out of her panties and flung those after them. Please, I need this…I’m so ready…please…
Apparently, he heard those thoughts too, and chose to ignore them. He planted soft, tiny kisses up the inside of one leg, then around her warm, wet center, his hot breath giving her just the tiniest hint of the touch she was so desperate for. I’m going to explode!
Finally, thank God, she felt his tongue glide up through her folds, causing her to arch toward him, grabbing handfuls of the bedspread to keep from slipping away from him. “Please…” she begged him to stop teasing her.
He responded by pressing his lips against her throbbing clit, slowly licking as her breath came faster and faster. Oh yes…that’s it…now…
He stopped.
She gasped in dismay, until she opened her eyes and saw that he was now naked too, and crawling toward her on the bed. He laid his body on top of hers, pressing hot skin to hot skin, and she instinctively put her arms and legs around him, wanting to hold him tight with every part of her. I love you…why can’t I say that out loud?
“Are you still on the…?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she whispered, barely able to get the words out. “And I haven’t been with anyone else. But-have you…” Do I want to know the answer to this? Damn! Stop it! It doesn’t matter now!
He looked into her eyes. “There’s been no one since you,” he said softly. Oh, thank God. “I couldn’t even think about another woman when we were apart.”
She could feel his hardness pressing against her thigh, so deliciously close, and she needed to feel him inside her. Now.
“I’m so sorry I…” he continued.
Wait, does he seriously want have this conversation now? My brain won’t work at that level. “Sshh,” she said, putting a finger against his mouth. Oh God, that gorgeous mouth… “We’ll talk about everything later. But right now, I need you to stop talking and fuck me.”
That did it.
“Whatever you want, babe,” he said, flipping her over so that she was on top. Pleased to be the one in charge now, she couldn’t wait any longer. She lowered herself onto his cock and her mind went blank-all she could do was feel the man she loved between her legs, pressing his hips into hers. She closed her eyes and let the sensations wash over her as she moved up and down.
When his strong hands rubbed across her hard, tender nipples, she threw her head back in ecstasy. “Oh God, yes,” she gasped. “Oh my God…” Oh, I’m so close…so close…
“I love you, Veronica,” he said, his voice ragged, as he began thrusting hard up into her. “I love you so much.”
I love you too…I can say it now…
“Logan, I lo-” Her words were stopped by a shower of sparks, every nerve ending in her body hit with a jolt of electricity as she came harder than she ever had before. “Oh God! Logan!” she cried out, driving herself against him. He came moments after she did, clutching her thighs so tightly that there would likely be fingerprint-shaped bruises there in the morning.
Once her breathing had returned to normal, Veronica snuggled up under Logan’s arm, with her head resting on his chest and one leg draped over him. She wanted to drift off to sleep like this, but she knew they needed to talk. They’d let their physical chemistry override their “issues” before, and she didn’t want to make that mistake yet again.
“So, I hope I’m not stupid for asking this,” he began. Did he become a mind reader? “Why did you come over tonight?”
“I think…” She paused in an attempt to plan her words carefully, to make sure she said exactly what she meant. Her tendency to shoot her mouth off without thinking had caused too much trouble in the past. “I just finally realized what a good thing we had. Why bother with something not good just because it's something?” She took a deep breath, trying not to cry, but her voice was shaking. “No one else is ever going to measure up to you, so I want to make this work with you.”
He let out the breath he’d been holding with a whoosh, and gave her a soft, sweet kiss. “So do I.”
“I didn’t even know what I was going to do when you opened the door,” she laughed incredulously. “I just sort of drove over here in a daze, and suddenly I was knocking. I didn’t know if you were going to laugh at me or slam the door. But when I saw the look on your face, I knew that you felt the same way I did. I tried to think of something to say, but all I wanted to do was kiss you.”
“I’m glad you did-I was starting to think I’d gone crazy,” he said with a half-smile. “I’d been thinking about you all evening, so when I saw you standing there I thought I might be hallucinating.”
“Nope, all me.” She could still barely believe her bold move had turned out as well as it did. Relieved again, she moved in for a quick kiss, but found that she couldn’t stop. Running her hands through his hair, she kissed his face all over and writhed gently against him. To her surprise, he took her hands in his and pushed her back gently.
“We need to talk about this though,” he said, looking her in the eyes. “I mean, mind-blowing sex is awesome, but if we don’t talk about the other stuff, we’re going to end up where we were two months ago.”
She sighed. I hate it when he’s right.
“OK,” she said, kissing his fingers, restraining herself from taking them into her mouth and sucking on them.
“You said before that you were going to try and trust me, but I still don’t think you really do,” Logan said. “I think you want to, but you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s like you can’t let yourself believe I can really be trusted.”
“You know why I have trust issues,” she tried to explain. “It’s not about you, it’s just-”
“Then you need to make it about me,” he interrupted. “To hell with what you know about everyone else-think about what you know about me. I have risked my life for you, more than once, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. No one could matter to me as much as you do.”
She grew quiet and still as she thought about that afternoon at the Camelot…Liam Fitzpatrick…graduation night on the roof of the Neptune Grande…and just last semester when he stopped the campus rapist from… He had put everything on the line for her, so many times. He’d even been willing to lose his entire circle of friends to be with her. Have I ever risked so much for him?
“I know,” she whispered. “I need to keep remembering that. It’s going to take some time though, so you’ll need to be patient with me. If I start getting all stalker-y on you again, you need to just tell me-without yelling at me or calling me ‘Big Brother.’”
“Deal.” He laughed ruefully.
“And if you need some non-girlfriend time, to hang out with the guys or whatever, just tell me. It’s not asking permission to tell me where you’re going to be for the night-I like to know where you are. It’s just the way I am. If I know where you are, then I don’t have to worry. Or put a tracer on your car,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted but not entirely sure she was joking.
“OK, I can do that,” he assured her. “But you need to do the same thing, especially when you’re working on a case. If you’re going to take off somewhere potentially dangerous, you need to call me. I’ll show up wherever you need me, any time, if it will help keep you safe.”
She knew that was true, but she didn’t want to need him in that way. She didn’t want to need anyone. Too many people bailed when the going got tough, so she didn’t want to count on them.
When she didn’t answer him right away, he continued. “If anything happened to you, and I could have prevented it, I couldn’t live with that.” He started blinking fast, and Veronica saw his eyes glistening. “I’ve lost so many people already. If I lost you too…” he trailed off.
Logan is never going to bail on me, she thought. Even when he broke up with me, he was still there. I owe it to him to take this risk.
Finally, she said, “OK.”
As he wrapped his arms around her, she thought about what he’d said when they broke up: “You never need anything.” That’s not true. It’s just what I want people to think.
“I do need you,” she said, as if responding to his statement from weeks ago. “I’m just not good at saying that stuff. But you have to know how much I need you.”
Logan tilted her face toward his. As he moved in to kiss her, he murmured, “I love you.” She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him on top of her. They made love again, but this time it was slower, sweeter-all soft caresses and quiet moans, warmth breath and whispered promises.
Afterward, they were exhausted, physically and emotionally, and Logan began to drift off to sleep. Veronica watched him as his breath grew slower and every muscle relaxed. I promise I’m going to try harder this time. It’s going to work this time-it has to. “I love you, Logan,” she whispered over the lump in her throat. He squeezed her tight, and she smiled, knowing he’d heard her. I said it.
* * * *
The next morning, she woke up to Logan planting a row of tiny kisses all the way up her bare back.
“Mmmm,” she mumbled. “Good morning to you too.”
He propped himself up on one elbow next to her. “So? What are we gonna do today?” Jeez, why is he so perky? How long has he been awake?
Although they both would have preferred to spend the day in bed, real life called: Logan had a paper to write and Veronica had to work at the library later. But the first order of business was breakfast. She wanted room service, but unfortunately, it made more sense to hit the food court at school. Plus, from the look of the suite, she figured Logan hadn’t been out much over the past few weeks, so he was probably sick of hotel food.
“OK, then we have a plan,” she said, crawling out of bed and heading toward the bathroom. “I’m gonna go take a shower. I’ve got to clean up.”
“Not yet you don’t,” he said, following her. “You said yourself that we still have some time this morning…”
Veronica let out a happy little scream as Logan caught up to her, grabbing her around the waist and spinning her around to face him as he kicked the bathroom door closed. He nibbled on the side of her neck as he reached into the shower and turned it on.
While the water heated up, so did they: He lifted her up onto the counter next to the sink, just as he had so many times before during their “study halls” in high school. Likewise, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pressed against him, blessedly free of the layers of clothing that had so frustrated them back then.
She reached down between them, stroking his length with her fingertips. He groaned against her ear, sending a tremor down through her body to her core, already hot and wet and aching for him. She rubbed him against her clit, relishing the warm, slippery friction until she had to have more-she slid him inside her, feeling him fill her up as she sighed with pleasure. She lifted her knees and dug her heels into his back, allowing him to thrust deeper into her. Rocking hard against him, she clawed at his back and arms, hoping she wasn’t hurting him but unable to stop.
“That’s it, baby, come for me,” he breathed into her ear. “Don’t stop-I want to hear you scream for me.”
The low purr of his voice sent her over the edge. “Yes! Oh Logan, oh God, yes!” she cried over and over, holding him close and pressing her face into his shoulder. His embrace tightened around her as he came too, continuing to murmur those dirty/sweet nothings that had kept her awake at night during their time apart.
* * * *
A short time later, in the now too-hot shower, they playfully soaped each other’s bodies and washed each other’s hair, sneaking in a lustful grope here and there. Veronica lathered up her hands, and taking Logan by the shoulders, spun him around so she could wash his back.
She paused for a moment, as usual, to admire the wiry muscles in his torso created by his many mornings in the surf. She saw the tangle of faded scars that they never talked about, interspersed with the light scratches she had made with her fingernails minutes earlier. A sob caught in her throat.
Despite his wealth, Logan’s life had been hard-she knew that. Just the incidents that were a matter of public record would have been enough to destroy most people, and Veronica knew that the reality had been worse than any judge or reporter or tabloid subscriber could have imagined. But looking at those marks on Logan’s back, she realized that the real harm was that every person he’d loved had damaged him: His father whipped him, his mother was so wrapped up in her own pain that she couldn’t save him from his, his sister just didn’t give a shit, Lilly cheated on him with his abuser, Duncan left without saying goodbye…and Veronica kept him at arm’s length, refusing to let him know that she returned his love. I wouldn’t let him have that, when that’s all he ever wanted from me. She traced the scratches lightly with her finger as the tears came.
“Hey! That tickles!” Logan yelped. He peered over his shoulder at her and saw that she was crying. “What’s this all about?” he said softly, turning to cup her cheek in his hand.
“I hurt you,” she wept, gesturing toward his back.
“The scratches? Come on, that’s not the first time you’ve done that.” He slipped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her into him. “And I’ve gotta tell you, that’s fucking hot. I love knowing that I can make you lose control like that. Really, it doesn’t hurt-I consider it a badge of…”
“No! That’s not what I mean,” she cried, leaning her forehead into his chest. “I love you, and I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you that. I knew I was in love with you ever since that stupid non-birthday party, when you held out your hand for me in front of all of your friends. I knew then, and it took me two goddamn years to be able to say it to you, even though I knew how much you needed me to. God! I’m so fucking controlling! I’m sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” A new wave of tears spilled down her cheeks, mixing with the water from the shower.
“Ssh,” he said soothingly, stroking her hair. “It’s all right now. I always knew you loved me-OK, that’s not true, but I was pretty sure, most of the time.” She laughed a little bit, in spite of herself. “But hearing you say the words last night was the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been-nothing like a little scratch can hurt me. Seriously, feel free to do that anytime. HOT.” He ran his fingernails up her back for emphasis.
She laughed and looked up at him. “I do love you,” she said, holding his face in her hands and kissing him. “I love you, I love you, I love you!” she called out over and over, punctuating each one with a forceful kiss. The pair stood with their lips pressed together, tongues exploring each other’s mouths, letting the warm water roll down their backs…until the water suddenly turned cold.
“Yikes!” “Shit!” They jumped apart, quickly rinsing off the last remnants of soap and shampoo before leaping out of the tub and wrapping themselves in warm towels. Logan peeked out of the bathroom at the clock on the nightstand.
“Damn, we’re running late now. We’ve got to hurry if we’re going to have time to eat something before you have to be at the library.”
They hurried to get dressed. While Veronica dug some underwear, jeans, and a hoodie out of “her” drawer, Logan picked some wrinkled pants and an old cardigan out of a pile of supposedly clean laundry and threw them on.
“Ready,” he announced, holding out his hands and turning around so she could inspect him.
“You’re going out like that?” she asked, leaning out of the bathroom with her toothbrush still in her mouth.
“What? It’s the food court and then the library. It’s not like we’re going somewhere nice. I’ll change later if we decide to go out tonight.”
“You look like you just rolled out of bed.”
“I did,” he grinned wickedly, waggling his eyebrows and moving in for a hug.
She put a hand on his chest and pushed him back so she could spit her toothpaste in the sink.
“Yeah, but your clothes are all disheveled and your hair’s sticking out all over the place-more than usual,” she added before he could protest. “It’s going to be totally obvious to everyone that…activities of the naked kind were going on this morning.”
“You think so? Excellent,” Logan replied, scooping her into his arms and giving her a kiss. “I hope so.”
She picked up her messenger bag and linked her arm in his, steering him toward the door. “Let’s go, loverboy.”
“Besides,” he added, “it’s not just me. You’re so relaxed, you’re going to fall asleep in your oatmeal. And you can’t get that silly grin off your face.”
She put her hands to her cheeks and giggled, realizing he was right. “I guess that’s true. There’s no hidin’ it!” Veronica slipped her hand into Logan’s as they left the suite. So what if everyone can tell what we’ve been up to this morning? I’m in love.