Comments | vermin_disciple: Ficlet

vermin_disciple

Ficlet

Apr 04, 2007 18:48

I have joined 15_minute_fic, since I can never seem to finish anything, and can definitely use the writing practice. Heh, I write very slowly; I went slightly over the time limit and still only managed 280 words. I wrote this with a particular last line in mind, and inevitably ran out of time and had to cut it off at a different place, before the point wherein ( Read more... )

!my fic: harry potter, !my fic

Comments 5

lyonette April 5 2007, 12:43:59 UTC

I don't think the last line sounds out of place, it rounds off the story quite nicely. Of course, if you something else in mind for your story, it might feel slightly off kilter to you... but I find it sums up everything the way it should. I like this story; it says so much in only 280 words, and the juxtaposition of bright sky - gloomy minds is perfect for this subject.
(And I've used the word "story" three times in as many sentences, even though I couldn't think of a simple synonym for "juxtaposition"... that's what reading too many scientific articles does to you...)

vermin_disciple April 6 2007, 04:56:32 UTC

(Juxtaposition is such an awesome word though. I've chosen paper topics based on whether or not I have an excuse to use the word 'juxtaposition'... XD)

Actually, the original line I had in mind did get scrapped (it involved Ghost!Myrtle, who unfortunately didn't make it into this), and *this* last line I came up with on the spot. *g* I'm glad you think it works. And thank you so much for the feedback!

dbassassin April 7 2007, 23:09:06 UTC

For the work of fifteen (or was it sixteen? :D) minutes, this is pretty darned good. My only comment would be that is probably needs another sentence after the last one; the ending is a teeny bit abrupt. Sort of as if it's half a closing thought.

I particularly like Olive's friend Claudia afraid to acknowledge her; this is a very good (clear and compact) way of expressing the climate of feeling in the school. Olive's callousness and defensiveness are wonderful; we get a great sense of her as a person in very few words.

I can reply to comments without a week elapsing; no, seriously... vermin_disciple April 13 2007, 04:45:20 UTC

Thank you very much! (I did worry about the last sentence. It was a kind of a glancing-at-the-clock-must-finish-now sort of thing. Heh.)

I've always liked Moaning Myrtle quite a bit, so it was fun to write about her tormentor ; )

Re: I can reply to comments without a week elapsing; no, seriously... dbassassin April 14 2007, 00:56:52 UTC

*g*

Myrtle is one of those characters I've always been interested in writing about. But, you know, more bunnies I do not need right now. Maybe long after canon's done (and I've completed at least half of the partially done fics on my hard drive) I'll write the The Autobiography of Myrtle B..