What to call myself.

[verasteine]

I don't like my RL name. I don't feel it represents me, though I couldn't tell you what would. When I have to give it to people, I do, and I respond to being called it, but always with a moment of, "Ugh, that's ugly." Whenever I can, I go by my initials

Comments

[tailoredshirt]

I understand what you mean about feeling reluctant to adopt a name. I often feel like I'm not "allowed" to identify as something, or to use certain words to describe an experience or situation. It is confusing and makes me feel guilty, like I've stolen from someone truly deserving. I'm sorry you feel that way about your autism. I hope you can find something you're comfortable with even if it takes some time.

Ironically, the reaction people who function well with autism get to revealing their disability is usually, "Oh, I do that too!" "I find crowds difficult too!" "I'm tired all the time too!" Trust me when I say they have no idea what they're talking about.I can't speak to how often people do this with autism, but I have seen people do the same for some mental illnesses or disorders, like OCD. I believe some people mean well and want to connect with that person by finding common ground, or by making them feel like they're not alone, but when someone does it to me I usually find that the opposite occurs. It's very frustrating to

[verasteine]

Yeah, "allowed" is the right word. I have a tendency to minimise it and not want to lay claim to something. I think I'll get used to it eventually, but it takes a lot of time.

It is usually because people are trying to connect, but like you say, it feels like they're minimising it. It's frustrating to have someone say, "I have that too," because what's actually is the case is that they have a tiny bit of it, and for me it's a debilitating thing that isn't the same.

[thrace_adams]

*HUGS YOU HARD* I just want to say, all these personal posts - I think you're extremely brave for doing that. It kind of makes me want to hug you every time and stand up and clap too. Just thought you should know that.

[verasteine]

Thanks! I think talking about this stuff matters; for the readers to see it, and for me to work through it. *hugs*

[idamus]

Sadly, if you can't SEE someone is ill, a lot of people wont believe you :(

"have high intelligence and vast knowledge on narrow subjects but lack social skills." I don't lack social skills.I worked very, very hard for my social skills. I resent the idea that the variety of autistic people can so easily be summed up.

Watching Rainman one too many times maybe

I have a client, she has PTSD/depression, you can't see she's ill, but if her life doesn't run on a tight schedule she breaks down, not just an hour or two, but days of feeling wrong and crying, sometimes even considering suicide, if I have an extra client/cancellation before her, she needs to be told as early as possible, or she wont be able to cope with the change

So, you're not alone, but on the other hand, no one has the exact same ilness as you

*Hugs*

(And, I agree with Thrace, sharing like this, even under an assumed name is very brave)

[verasteine]

Thanks. I can manage my life, mostly, but it's different from other people's, indeed.

[verasteine]

I made it to 28 before getting tested and getting a diagnosis. I hear you on people not believing that that's possible, but there's people even older who get a diagnosis, both for autism and ADD.

I can "pass" for normal too, I know exactly what you mean about that taking effort, and yeah, not alone. Thanks. *fistbump*

[hab318princess]

Thanks for being so open...

I'm currently working on getting my son diagnosed with Aspergers... he is intelligent but is definitely not able to relate to others or changes in circumstances without prior notice. He lacks an empathy towards others. He can be incredibly focussed on numbers - he is known to write long sequences for no discernible reason at all. (I suspect it may be a way to deal with anxiety)

It is really good to know about your career etc. I must admit I am worried about that for him (he's 9) and would be happy to take any advice on how I can help him develop social skills.

[verasteine]

It can be Asperger's, it can be another form of autism. And autism takes different forms in different people.

If he's that young, there will be therapy programmes available for him, once he's diagnosed. And it's harder for boys to develop the social skills than it is for girls. I learned most of mine by copying other people (this is apparently a common tactic), but I'd say it's up to you, the parent, to require him to learn them when around other people. At the same time, if he wants to be alone or doesn't make many friends, that's okay too.

[hab318princess]

Yeah, I'm already trying to teach him (and so is my child minder) social skills - he also had a group last year in school geared towards that. And right now I am letting him hide in his bedroom with a film.

(I would also like to add that I wouldn't be surprised if they'd diagnosed my husband - which won't happen but yeah, historically from what I know, he'd tick boxes too. Currently he's battling depression and parkinsonian symptoms but again with hindsight...)

It can be Aspergers or another form, but the way he is, he ticks a lot of boxes for Aspergers. I am also aware that it is so mild his diagnosis has been refused the first time, although they are open to reviewing that and I've been able to give more historic information. Right now I'm aiming to make sure he gets the right support when he starts senior school in just under two years so he won't end up being bullied (or being a bully for that matter)