My parents were very restrictive. They had rules and regulations to guide everything, including how many slices of meat or cheese we could put on our bread (one! unless it was a big slice in which case, a half) and how much candy we could have and not being allowed snacks past five o' clock. Sucks to be you when it's 17.05, trust me
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I've had to really learn to prioritise my food choices over my wallet. That was a hard lesson when I first started living by myself, but I'm learning to do that now. And yeah, I hear you, when you first start getting some spending room, it's like, "...I should buy x, we need x, but I could totes get y which is FUN!" I've been there.
I've been trying to see how I feel about having a little change purse where I put cash and therefore can't track what I spend it on. It's been working out reasonably well so far, but I'm only a few months in.
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I'd buy the shake without counting what was in my wallet. After a few impulses like that, I'd buy a pizza for dinner. One time a sundress that was on sale. Every week I'd find something little, but not part of my normal necessities and buy it--realize it wasn't a disaster and move on. Now, I can do this without forethought, and without feeling guilty, but it took a while.
It's about balancing being practical and allowing one's self to be spontaneous for the treats in this world.
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The point is to make sure the 'little things' are actually little where it wouldn't hurt.
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Yeah, I think I'm doing okay with that. I just have to learn to stop feeling guilty about them.
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I have to admit, you're not the only person with money issues. One time - just once - my father said to me "you always order the most expensive thing on the menu" when we were out to dinner. It has stuck with me for YEARS. It has taken a lot of love and care from my hubs to get me past that, and I STILL have guilty feelings when I order something expensive.
Parents have no idea the pressure they put on their children OR what will leave a last impression. I'm sure my father had no idea that when he said it, it would haunt me the rest of my life.
I can totally sympathize with your problem. It's very hard to set limits and still treat yourself. You could always set aside a little bit of money earmarked just for treating yourself, that way you know you have the money for it and maybe it might alleviate the guilt? I don't know, I'm kind of just spitballing here.
I wish you all the best bb, I know the guilt is the hardest thing to get rid of. *HUGS*
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Single comments can affect us for so long! I hear you, I'm glad your hubs is there for you, hon.
I have the guilt, and then I have the knowledge that I have no alternate framework for it, that I never learned anything except "don't do it," and so don't know how to do in moderation. But I'm experimenting with setting side a little bit of cash and occasionally splurging with that, so that's a good idea. Thank you!
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I can't imagine saying, "it's only money." Because if I'd run out, it'd be all my fault and I would be owing people etc. (Even though my dad likes to throw money at me whenever he can get away with it. Which means shit if that's all he does.)
I have had my time commandeered so frequently and that's destructive for me, so I've learned to guard and save up my free time when I can. It's mine! *hogs armfuls of it* It's the one thing I refuse to feel guilty about, oddly enough.
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I don't live like that. I try not to, at lease. I don't splurge on anything, because while I like having stuff, I'm very picky, so my choices are rare.
I feel like my time isn't mine at the moment, so yeah, I think I understand what you're saying.
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I need uninterrupted me-time to decompress. Having claim made on my time freaks me out, so I sympathise with you, bb.
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My mom was pretty irrational and control freakish, but she was bi polar and often unpredictable.
My stepfather was very likely to indulge in luxuries though and my mother was always bemoaning how much everything cost. "Don't lie on that sofa it cost $X." "No, you can't have that. It's much too expensive." etc.
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I'm sorry about your mother; that must have been hard. My grandfather (my mother's father, that is) was manic-depressive and that's where she got her behaviour from.
I recognise that, the mentioning of prices and needing to be careful with stuff.
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