002. fic: ivory dreams | dan/blair.
Tittle: Ivory dreams.
Pairing: Dan/Blair (hints of Dan/Serena).
Summary: He notices her, he always does. If someone asked him, though, he would deny it.
Rating: PG.
Notes: This is post 5x24, but most of the events are before the kiss in 4x17. I'm sorry about the mistakes, but english is not my first language (I am spanish speaker) and this is the best I can do.
Dedicated to: margottenenbaum, for the gg ficathon. I didn't post it there because I always make a mess (like cutting the fic so bad that i miss a part or repeating the same line three times and that stuff) in ficathons when I try to post a fic in more than one comment, haha.I hope you like it!
I loved you / like a man loves a woman he never touches, only / writes to, keeps little photographs of.
~
I.
Blair Waldorf has nice hands, he notices. They are pale and small; they seem soft and look delicate. Her nails are nice, but not as nice as her fingers. Oh, her hands.
He shouldn’t have noticed, because now her hands are in his mind, touching his inspiration, entangling themselves in his dreams.
(Her hand is in his shoulder. She’s so close and he wonders why she is touching him at all, even if it’s only to push him.
He notices her, he always does.)
She is such a bitch sometimes and Dan doesn’t even like her, but her hands are fine.
II.
Blair Waldorf has nice hair, soft and brown. He always liked dark hair until he met Serena (whose hair shines in the sunlight while he kisses her and she laughs and laughs and she’s just so bright), and Blair Waldorf would be the kind of girl he would write about if he didn’t have a muse like her golden best friend.
That’s what he tells himself, at least, while he hides under his bed a notebook with little paragraphs about brown hair that is not quite curly and not quite straight. He mentions her hands sometimes, and that’s when he stops and thinks about what he is doing and decides that he’s done writing about her.
He buries himself in the blue eyes and gleaming smiles of the woman he loves, he writes poems about her laugh and her legs, but he founds that his work is less interesting because it’s missing something.
Maybe it’s the bittersweet touch that he discovers in nice hands, dark hair and ivory skin.
III.
He tries to forget that he had noticed how perfect Blair Waldorf’s skin is, but he can’t seem to be able to hide the thought in the deepest part of his head. He’s really aware of her skin, for some reason, when he takes her hand likes he’s about to kiss it.
Her skin is warm, too, so warm that it might be burning with fever (or is it him the one that is feverish?), but not in an unpleasant manner. His lips linger close to her knuckles and he wonders if she feels it too.
Probably not.
IV.
Blair Waldorf has such pretty eyes. They are brown, which at first sight may seem common and dull, but they have this darkness and some undeniable spark and they are really expressive.
Dan feels like her eyes are really the window to her soul, even if it sounds silly, because her eyes are honest. She doesn’t hide her feelings… she can’t hide the emotions in her eyes.
Her emotions spill from her heart and into her eyes, he can see all the doubts and fears and he can see the happiness and the sorrow. She looks at him, her eyes fixed in his like she’s trying to understand him, her brown hair free in the wind, her lovely skin looking perfect against the green color of her coat, her lips are enchanting too.
Say life is giving you signs, he’s saying, but he ignores the signs that are right in front of him.
She laughs, the sound pierces his ear in a good way, and her eyes are sad and full of joy at the same time. He never thought something like that was possible.
Then again, Blair Waldorf is never what he expects her to be.
V.
He had tried to ignore, he had tried to focus in other things (from her hands to her eyes), but he can’t deny it anymore:
Blair Waldorf has the most luscious, perfect, lovely lips he has ever seen. They are all kinds of wonderful when she pouts at him without noticing, when she smiles, when she talks and when she sighs.
They are utterly disarming when she looks at him (oh, beautiful eyes) and clears her throat and she looks lost and at the same she looks fierce, he can’t even understand how appealing she is and how he never noticed (how he tried to push the though away) before. Her skin is warm against his palm, her hands are trembling and she doesn’t seem to know why, her hair has caught the light that surrounds her, her eyes are the same eyes that have been haunting him in his sleep and her lips are parted in a delicious way.
How does a Dan Humphrey kiss Blair Waldorf? Someone tell him because he has no idea.
~
He loved her before even knowing he loved her and he loved her while he loved other women. He loved her before he started loving her.
He loved her in a way he doesn’t understand. Like looking at her and keeping little things about her in his mind, like writing about her smile and wanting to throw the notebook away but deciding to put it in his drawer, like noticing her skin and never touching it, like laughing when she insulted him…
Even now, after it’s all done and she left him, while he writes things he doesn’t want to write, after knowing that all his love is never going to be enough for her, after she decided that he didn’t deserve a goodbye… even now he loves her.
He loved her in so many ways he never understood.