Fic: Rules of Engagement (2/2). John/Rodney. NC-17.

[velocitygrass]

Continued from part 1.


Rules of Engagement Part 2

They were pronounced husband and husband at about half past three on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

Rodney's heart was beating fast and steady in his chest. He'd done it. And looking at John, he knew that the happiness that he felt at this moment had nothing to do with whether or not he'd get the lab.

I do-from this day forward-comfort of your companionship-patience of your understanding, at which John's mouth had quirked a little. The words were running through his mind. He could feel the weight of the ring on his finger. John was still holding his hand. And then, he was allowed to kiss his husband.

John smiled at him, his wide, happy smile that Rodney had loved long before he'd even considered him a friend. Rodney wasn't sure if he was smiling back. He was close to an out of body experience at this point, so he just opened his mouth and closed his eyes and then John's arms were around him and they were kissing again.

It was even better than the evening before. His hand wandered up to run through John's unruly hair. God, John felt so good. Rodney opened up further to get a better taste of him. When he felt the tip of John's tongue carefully touching his, he simply pushed forward with his tongue and body, everything he had. He heard John make a noise and only prayed it wasn't in protest and then John tightened his arms around Rodney and pushed back until Rodney could only groan.

He didn't ever want this to end.

~~

I am not going to pull back first. The thought ran through John's head over and over. That and Yes!.

He hadn't kissed like this since college. There was never time in the encounters that he'd had and most of all, those people hadn't been Rodney. His husband.

That thought made John pull Rodney even closer, if that was possible. They were married and kissing and it was as real as he ever could have wished for.

Rodney panted harshly and gripped his hair almost painfully. John slowed down a bit, kissing Rodney more softly and he could feel Rodney easing into it as well, stroking John's head gently. Their tongues just caressed each other now and it was still so good.

He became vaguely aware of a noise and eventually words.

"Mer, it's not like this is the last kiss you'll ever share."

Rodney stiffened in his arms. Then John felt him shift and after a few more kisses, he pulled away. He looked at John, completely dazed and hot and John wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.

~~

The cake was a hit with everyone. Susan took the cake toppers and made them re-enact John and Rodney's kiss. Rodney glared at her, but John found it cute.

He was sitting next to Rodney, feeding him cake, simply because he could. Every now and then, he kissed the crumbs from around his mouth and every time, Rodney turned to him and made it a real kiss.

Every time a glass clinked, they obediently kissed. Susan seemed especially fond of doing it, again and again and again.

But even when she'd run off to play with Madison, Rodney would put his hand on John's thigh and lean in and they were kissing again.

"Oh wow," Jeannie commented. "One would think you'd been together for a week not years."

Rodney gave his sister a self-satisfied smirk. John caught Dave's gaze. His brother was smiling at them.

John leaned into Rodney. He'd never felt so happy in his life. And in this moment, it didn't matter that when they went to bed that night they wouldn't have sex. This moment was about feeling entirely content and at peace with the world. It was about being in love and being loved and accepted. This was real and wonderful and John would never forget it and would always be grateful to Rodney for giving it to him.

~~

Between all the kisses it took quite a while to eat the two pieces of cake each of them had. They were hardly finished when cake eating suddenly turned into dinner.

John simply enjoyed being with their families. Everyone was talking at once and it was so unlike what he remembered family dinners to be like.

After they'd had some more cake as dessert, John and Rodney once again found themselves kissing.

"I think we should leave you now. We still have to drive home and I can see that you'd like some alone time," Jeannie said.

Before either of them could protest, Dave piped up. "Yes, we wanted to take the kids out for a while."

"You really don't have to-" John began, but they would have none of it.

"You'll lose control any moment now anyway," Jeannie said, "so I think it would be better if you don't have any witnesses. Think you can hold out until we've changed?"

"I think we'll manage," John said, putting a hand over Rodney's.

Fifteen minutes later, they were saying good-bye to the Millers. Outside Jeannie pulled him aside. She gave him a serious look and for a moment John thought that she knew everything and would warn him not to mess with Rodney.

But she just said, "Make him happy."

It sounded so much like an order that John answered, "Yes, ma'am."

Jeannie nodded, apparently satisfied. Then she kissed John on the cheek and they were off. He came up to Rodney and put his arm around his shoulder as they waved good-bye.

When they turned back to the house, Dave and his family were ready to leave too.

"We won't be back before nine," he said meaningfully and John wanted to say that it wasn't necessary, but he could see that it would be of no use.

"Thank you," he said.

His brother's family started to walk off. Susan waved at them, then made a kissy-face.

"Your niece is extremely disturbing," Rodney said as they walked back in.

John laughed. "I think she likes you."

Inside, John felt an awkward tension between them, now that they were alone again. He wanted to go up to Rodney and say How about we take it upstairs? but he didn't dare to.

'Make him happy,' Jeannie had said, and he really wanted to do that. He just wasn't sure what would make Rodney happy. He'd enjoyed the kissing. But maybe that was just because Rodney enjoyed kissing.

John liked it very much himself. Kissing was one of his favorite things in the world, something he liked to do even with women. It wasn't like it was with men. It certainly wasn't like it was with Rodney, but it still felt good. Maybe it was the same for Rodney. After all he wasn't seeing anyone at the moment and hadn't since Katie.

John didn't want to go too far. He didn't want to make things awkward between them for the next months. He didn't want to want more than Rodney.

"Uhm, your brother thinks we're...."

"Yes," John said, sighing just a bit.

"Do you think he'll really stay away 'til nine?"

"Oh yes," John said.

"Claire is never going to stay awake that long," Rodney pointed out.

"It doesn't matter. He's trying to do this for me, for us. He'll take a hotel room if necessary, but he won't be back before nine," John tried to explain.

"He wants to make it up to you," Rodney said understandingly.

"Yes," John agreed.

"So, uhm, maybe we should take a shower before they get back."

John couldn't help his mind drifting off to an image of him and Rodney in the shower together.

"For authenticity," Rodney added. John could feel nervousness radiating off him. He just wanted to take him in his arms. Then he thought that maybe he could.

He walked up to Rodney, put his arm on his shoulder and, seeing nothing to discourage him, pulled him into his arms.

Rodney relaxed immediately and wrapped his arms around John as well. "We're married," he whispered into John's shoulder.

"Yes, we are," John said, softly kissing Rodney's head.

Rodney pulled back enough to look at him and just watched John for a long moment. John wasn't sure what he was looking for. Eventually Rodney said, "Wanna watch some Star Trek?"

"Which one?"

~~

They showered at half past eight just to be sure. Afterwards, they went downstairs to read until the Sheppards came back, which turned out to be at ten.

When John got the door, Dave still looked as if he felt sorry for intruding. "Come in. Don't worry, we're decent. The kids must be tired."

"I'm not!" Susan protested.

Claire however seemed to be standing asleep. "Well, I am," Charlie said to Susan. "Good-night, John."

She gave John a quick kiss on the cheek and picked up Claire. They made their way upstairs. Charlie had to prod a grumbling Susan, who took the opportunity to win a few seconds more time by kissing a surprised Rodney on the cheek.

Rodney watched her run off, then turned to John and just looked at him as if to say freak.

"She's..." Dave began. "I don't really know. She's very excited about you two. She's going to tell everyone that her uncle has married another man." He looked over to John at that, as if to ask as if it was okay.

"Let her," John said. Rodney just shook his head on the couch. "Do you want a beer?" John asked, turning to his brother.

"Why not? Although I'm pretty tired as well."

John walked to the fridge and got out two beers. "Rodney, you want one too?" Rodney just waved him off, not looking up from his magazine.

Dave seemed amused by that. John opened the bottles and handed him one. They clinked bottles and took a swig. "We could go sit outside," John suggested.

Dave nodded and they went into the garden. It was a mild night. They didn't say anything and drank in companionable silence. When John was done with his, he set down the bottle on the table. They'd have to clean up tomorrow.

Dave set down his empty bottle too.

"I just want you to be happy," he said, not looking at John.

John studied his brother's profile. Dave had never pushed John away. He'd never taken John's side either, but it wasn't his fault that he'd been the perfect son, that he'd been everything that Patrick Sheppard had expected a Sheppard to be, everything that John wasn't. But that was in their past now. "I am," John said.

"That's good," Dave said, finally turning to John with a smile.

They got up and entered the house. Rodney wasn't on the couch anymore.

"I'll go to bed now, check on the kids."

"And I'll be joining my husband," John said, trying not to expect anything.

~~

John knocked on the door as quietly as he could. He wasn't sure if Rodney was sleeping. Or he could be doing... other things.

"Yes?" came the careful answer.

John quickly entered.

"Oh, it's you."

John raised an eyebrow. "Who did you expect?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it past Susan. Although she probably wouldn't have knocked. Why did you knock? We're supposed to be sharing this room, remember?"

"Yes, I just... didn't want to interrupt you," John said, sitting down at the desk and getting out of his shoes and socks.

"Doing what?" Rodney asked perplexed.

John gave him a look. Rodney seemed to get it.

"I was expecting you," he pointed out. And yes, of course Rodney wouldn't be masturbating when he expected John.

"I'll just get into..." John grabbed a shirt and boxer shorts and went into the bathroom.

He brushed his teeth and dressed for bed. He tried to tell himself that there was nothing to worry about. They'd shared a bed before. Granted, not after making out for half a day, but it would be okay. He'd actually masturbated in the shower earlier, so he'd be fine.

He took a deep breath and went into the bedroom. Rodney was lying on his side, facing the wall. John switched off the light and slid into bed on his side.

Rodney didn't stir. John wasn't sure if he was already asleep, but he doubted it. "Good-night," John said, and quickly leaned over to kiss Rodney on the cheek. Then he turned to lie sideways facing the other direction.

There was only silence for a long moment, then he heard Rodney turn around and whisper, "Good-night." A moment later, he felt Rodney leaning over and brushing his lips against John's temple.

John smiled.

~~

Rodney leaned back after kissing John good-night. He lay on his back and stared into the darkness of the room. When they'd shared their bed in the hotel room, it hadn't been a problem for Rodney.

Of course, things had been different then. He hadn't known what John's lips would feel like against his. Putting a hand on his arm or having John casually kiss his cheek hadn't become second nature. He hadn't wanted to do anything other than sleep next to him.

Strangely enough, what he wanted now wasn't even necessarily sex. He was too keyed up for that. Not to mention with Dave and his family in the house, including Susan, who seemed entirely too fascinated with his relationship with John, he'd always worry about being heard. And also, it had been a long while since he'd last had sex with a guy.

So he didn't want to have sex with John right now, but he wanted to be closer to him.

All day long they'd kissed and hugged and been in each other's personal place. It felt wrong to have John in the same room, in the same bed, but to not touch him. But Rodney couldn't bring himself to move closer to John. Returning the good-night kiss had been okay, but anything more could be interpreted as something that it wasn't intended to be.

John turned around next to him, facing Rodney now. Rodney glanced over and in the pale moonlight he could see that John was watching him.

"Can't sleep?" John asked.

Rodney didn't know what to say, so he settled on something close to the truth. "This is weird."

John snorted quietly. He pulled Rodney's arm over him.

Rodney was surprised, but then settled down, snuggling close to John. "This is better," he whispered into John's shoulder.

John kissed him on the head. Soon after that, Rodney fell asleep.

~~

When Rodney woke up, he was alone. John had probably gone on his run.

Rodney got himself as ready as he could be before coffee and went downstairs. All the Sheppards in the house were sitting at the dining table, among them his husband, who immediately got up, handed him a cup of coffee and kissed him on the cheek.

"Morning," Rodney mumbled.

He was cheerfully greeted by the others, none louder than Susan. Rodney quickly downed half the cup. God help him, he'd married into a family of early risers.

Half an hour later, he was more awake and knew more about horses than he'd ever wanted to know. Then again, he was glad to see that Susan wasn't just obsessed with her uncle's marriage.

The Sheppards wanted to go to the zoo and it was obvious that Dave wanted to give them some time alone again, but John tried to convince him that they wanted to come along, since they were leaving later the same day "and I'm pretty much stuck with Rodney now".

Rodney glared at him and John quickly kissed him and then they'd been off. Their car wasn't large enough, so they decided to take public transport. Susan insisted that she sit between Rodney and John.

Thankfully, John took care of her most of the time, asking about school and their horses and what she wanted to be when she grew up (an actress!).

In general, John spent time with his family more than with Rodney, but Rodney didn't mind. He knew that they had only seen each other a few times since John's father died.

But John, by no means, forgot about Rodney. He materialized next to Rodney every now and then, making an observation about whatever animal they were watching at the moment. And when he did it, he usually put an arm around Rodney or kissed him as well.

When they bought ice-cream, John explained that they shouldn't have lemon ice-cream and Rodney was very touched, even if it prompted Susan to ask about how exactly Rodney's throat would swell up and kill him.

Rodney also enjoyed just watching John interact with his family. He shared a few memories with his brother and Rodney was glad that apparently John's youth hadn't been all bad. At one point, Claire lost her shyness and attached herself to John's hand permanently. She didn't talk very much, but she was there and John explained various things to her and lifted her up when she was too small to see something.

The day went by quite quickly and Rodney had to admit to himself that he liked John's family, even Susan, who kissed him noisily on the cheek when she said good-bye.

Rodney could see that John was sad to see them go and he put his arm around him after they'd left and told John that they could visit them. John smiled and leaned against him, before pulling away.

"I better get my clothes back into my room."

"Uhm," Rodney said, because he didn't really want that.

"What?" John asked.

"It's just. Well, they'll visit again, and Jeannie will too. It seems silly to carry your things back and forth every time."

John watched him and Rodney only hoped he wasn't flushing, because what he was really saying was I don't want you to sleep anywhere else.

"You won't mind when I get my clothes out of your room?"

Rodney hesitated. This was his chance to say what he wanted to say, but what came out of his mouth was, "No."

~~

John went on his run as always the next morning. He'd slept relatively well, even though he'd considered going to Rodney once or twice. He didn't even think Rodney would have minded. It could have become part of their relationship. Sharing a bed, even if they weren't sleeping together.

In the end, John felt it might be better to keep things simple. The touching and the casual kisses were okay. They were more than okay. John enjoyed each and every instance of them. He still harbored the hope that over time, their marriage would stop being an act, but until then he thought it would be easier not to wake up next to Rodney every morning.

It had been a wonderful feeling the day before, but there'd also been the temptation to kiss him awake, to push up his shirt even further, to rub his morning erection against Rodney until he came.

John shook his head. This was exactly what he shouldn't be thinking about. At least until he got into the shower to jerk off.

When he came home, he was surprised to find Rodney in the kitchen.

"You're up?"

Rodney looked blearily at him, then over to the phone.

Right, it was Monday. He was waiting for The Call. John debated kissing Rodney on the cheek since he was sweaty from the run. He made it a quick peck and rushed upstairs to shower.

Since Rodney was downstairs he didn't bother to knock, but to his surprise Rodney was back in bed. "Uh, sorry, I thought you were still downstairs. I would have knocked."

Rodney looked up from the magazine he'd been reading at John's face and then down John's body. John felt completely naked suddenly, even though he had a long towel tied around his hips.

Rodney's eyes snapped back up, as if he'd realized that he'd been checking John out, at which point John realized that too. He didn't mind-at all.

Then Rodney frowned. "What is it with you and knocking anyway? I can't remember you ever being this courteous when you stormed into my labs."

"That's because I didn't expect you to do things in your lab that I wouldn't want to interrupt."

Rodney blinked. "Oh, it's the masturbation thing again."

"Yes, that," John said, wondering why they had to talk about it when he was wearing nothing but a towel.

"Tell you what. How about I'll lock the door when I masturbate?"

John tried to imagine it. Which was a bad idea. On several levels. "But then when I'd try the door and it's locked I'd know that you're.... I just wanted to get some clothes," he quickly finished, grabbing the first things he came across and held them in front of his groin as he rushed out.

~~

Breakfast was tense, because Rodney kept looking at the phone. John wished they'd hurry up and call, because Rodney would have a nervous breakdown if he had to wait until the evening.

They'd almost finished when the phone rang and Rodney practically dropped his cup rushing to pick up.

"Rodney McKay. Hey, Richard. Yes, yes, the wedding was fine, what about the lab?" John tried not to roll his eyes at that. Rodney was silent for a long moment. "Yes, I'm here. I'll be there in a few minutes."

He hung up and things went very fast from then on. "I got it," he said, kissing John on the mouth. Then he rushed up the stairs and came back down a minute later, carrying his briefcase and laptop bag. "I'll be back... at some point this evening. Bye."

He kissed John again, on the cheek, and John found himself alone wondering if this was what married life would be like.

~~

It wasn't.

Married life with Rodney was wonderful.

He'd expected Rodney to work late and even bring work home when he did come. He'd seen Rodney under pressure before, and for some reason he'd thought the home stretch to his Nobel Prize winning work would certainly rate as high as an approaching Hive ship.

But he'd been wrong.

Rodney came home for dinner almost every night. He called on the few occasions when he couldn't make it. And after dinner he didn't work, but spent time with John.

John loved it.

He remembered life with Nancy. Every time he'd been home he'd felt pressured to spend it with her. When he wanted to go out with friends without her, he felt guilty, which in turn made him avoid her, which in turn made him work even more.

It had been a spiral that just got worse and worse and the fact that he couldn't tell her what he did and more than that, that he couldn't love her the way he felt he should, made them grow further apart, though they'd never been very close in the first place.

He didn't feel pressured about spending so much time with Rodney. Part of it was of course that he had more than enough time to do what he wanted while Rodney was working.

John spent the first month decorating and furnishing the house the way he liked it. He could practice his golf swing into a net in their garden now as well as play basketball. He moved the desk from the study, which they never used, into the living room since they spent most of their evenings together there.

For their DVD sessions, he installed a home theater system. They often ended up lying together on the couch, sometimes arguing, sometimes cuddling.

He kissed Rodney on the cheek before they went to bed, in the morning when he gave him his coffee, when he left for work and when he came back. And sometimes he kissed him for no particular reason at all, because it was part of their relationship now.

After the first month, he started flying again at a small airport nearby. Rodney had looked skeptical when he'd first taken him out, but he trusted John.

John knew that flying didn't mean as much to Rodney as it did to him, but Rodney still gladly joined him and, back on solid ground, with John grinning, quite possibly like a maniac, Rodney smiled at him and hugged him as if he only needed John to be happy to be happy himself.

John had kissed him then. Right there on the field, right there on Rodney's mouth.

They sometimes did that in public. John wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if most of these people even knew they were married. And even those that did wouldn't necessarily think it odd if they didn't kiss all the time. But somehow, kissing in public was part of their relationship too.

They went to a concert together once after Jeannie had suggested it.

When John saw the look on Rodney's face as he listened intently, he knew he wanted to see that look again. He couldn't wait to start shopping for a piano. It required some re-organization of their living/dining area, but the look on Rodney's face was worth every bit of it.

Rodney had been self-conscious at first, but after John's encouragement, he played regularly after dinner and sometimes John would sit next to him and lean against him. Rodney smiled even as he complained that he couldn't play like that.

John masturbated thinking about Rodney. He didn't think he'd masturbated this much since high school. He sometimes spent hours imagining that the hands running over his nipples and stroking his dick were Rodney's. Then, as he prepared himself, he fantasized about Rodney's fingers inside of him, imagined Rodney's dick filling him instead of the dildo he pushed into his ass.

He didn't try to seduce Rodney. Showing up in the morning when he got his clothes and just dropping his towel was as much fantasy as waiting for Rodney in his bed, naked. Those were things that he imagined but didn't do.

There were moments when he felt Rodney might want it, might wait for it, but he was never sure and he didn't want to break what they had, this easy, good, comfortable life.

~~

Five months into their marriage, there came a point where John felt slightly melancholic, because he knew that any day now Rodney would come home and announce that he was done. It was during this time that Jeannie was there for a visit.

She regularly visited, alone or with Kaleb and Maddy, just as they often visited them when they were in Vancouver.

Jeannie asked what they planned to do once Rodney was finished with his lab work. John balked, because obviously he couldn't tell her that they'd get separated and look for new jobs.

"I know that you could move all over the world and I'm sure it's tempting, but I think Rodney really likes it here," she said.

John actually agreed. Of course Rodney complained about his assistants, but his insults were relatively mild, which made John suspect they were really quite competent. He said as much to Jeannie.

She laughed. "I know! But actually, I didn't mean that. I meant this," she said, gesturing around them.

John looked around. "You mean this house?" Rodney had never complained about it after his initial thought that it was too large, but truthfully, John didn't think living space was the kind of thing that Rodney paid much attention to.

"I mean your home," she said. "John, I've never seen him so happy in my life."

John shook his head, smiling. "He's already working on his acceptance speech," he said with a smirk. It was true. John kept telling him that he'd better be in there after what he'd given up for Rodney. Rodney always got a strange look, but didn't answer.

"No," Jeannie said seriously. "It's you."

John didn't know how to tell her that she was wrong, how Rodney's relationship with John wasn't what had changed him, because they weren't in a real relationship. "He's got a good life at the moment. No Wraith, no IOA. They adore him at the lab. He's close to you," he tried, but Jeannie wasn't buying it.

In fact, at this point, she looked almost suspicious. "John, you have to know how differently he's behaving. How often does he come home for dinner?"

John frowned at that turn of the discussion. "Why do you-"

"Just answer the question."

"Five times a week," he said truthfully.

"See, so he only stays at work for two days."

"No, he eats here every night. He doesn't work weekends," John corrected her.

"There you go," she said, hitting his arm and grinning, as if this completely proved her point.

John must have looked as confused as he felt. He knew that Rodney could pull long workdays if necessary for weeks, but this wasn't a life and death situation.

"John, I've known Mer a bit longer than you. And I've met some of his girlfriends, hell even just his normal friends. They've all told me the same thing. He neglects everything over his work and if it's not work, it's one side project or another. One of his girlfriends complained to me that she saw me and his roommate more than she saw him."

John didn't know what to say.

"I don't know much about how he was on Atlantis, but I do know that he hasn't always been like this." She looked at him and smiled. "He's just never been in love like this before."

This was.... He wanted it to be true. And part of him believed her, but another part insisted that Jeannie didn't know her brother as well as she thought she did. And it was that bit of doubt that had kept him from risking it all with Rodney in the past months.

"And from what Dave has told me, it's the same for you."

John could only stare at her stunned. Not only that Dave knew how he felt about Rodney. That he'd talked about it-with Jeannie. And Jeannie didn't seem to have any doubts. Was it so obvious that he was in love with Rodney? With an inner sigh, he had to admit that it probably was-to everyone but Rodney.

"Your brother is a hard man to resist," he said, with a self-deprecating smile.

"Well, I'm not sure about that. But I don't blame you for falling for him. I'm just glad it happened," she said, squeezing his hand.

He wasn't quite sure what to do after their conversation. He didn't think he could act out one of his numerous fantasies. Not yet, not when they were still living together. Rodney's work at the lab hadn't ended yet. But maybe there was a way he could show Rodney that he was open to it.

~~

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Rodney had seen that they still had tickets for the concert, so he'd take the day off and gone with Jeannie.

The concert was great. But then, they sat down in a café.

"Okay, spill," Jeannie said.

"What? I don't know what you're talking about," Rodney said, not meeting her eyes. Which was almost true, because there were quite a few things she could be referring to and he didn't know which one of them she was talking about.

"Mer."

"It's nothing," he insisted.

"You're taking a day off to go to a concert with me-without John."

"We don't have to spend every single second of our lives together," he said, irritated. "And you don't have to tell John," he added more quietly, because he didn't really want him to know.

Jeannie stared at him.

"What? It's not as if I'm cheating on him!" No he was just lying.

"First of all, I know that you don't have to spend all your time with him. But the fact is that you do. More than I even thought. John told me you don't work weekends."

"That's what weekends are for," he said defensively.

"Okay, how many hours a week do you work?"

He didn't say anything, stubbornly not looking at her.

"Meeeer."

"Forty-eight," he finally said.

"Forty-eight hours?"

He wanted to tell her that it was a reasonable time, that forty-eight hours of his time were more than twice the time of anyone else. Except that in those forty-eight hours he didn't do nearly enough.

For the last months, the closer he'd gotten to finishing, the more he'd taken his time. He'd done unnecessary triple checks and recalculations. He'd failed to point out mistakes of his assistants under the guise of teaching them self-reliance.

He'd done everything to hold on to John just a bit longer.

"Meredith, what is going on here? This is not you. I can understand that you want to spend time with John. I've always told you that work isn't everything, that family is what matters, but it's not just that, is it? I mean you and I both know that you could have been done in three months even with forty-eight hour weeks, you should have been finished weeks ago."

She was right and she knew it and she knew that Rodney knew that she knew it. She also wouldn't stop until she had the whole story. "Don't tell John," he said, resigned to his fate.

"Don't tell him what?"

"That I'm stalling."

"But why are you stalling?"

"Because I don't want to lose him!"

"John?" she asked, confused.

"Who else? When I'm done at the lab, he's free to leave. That was the deal." He carefully looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, waiting for her reaction.

"Meredith," she said sternly. "What did you do?"

Let the blaming begin. Well, it was too late for denial now. "The lab recognized my brilliance, but they weren't... quite as convinced of my other qualities. I found out that being married would change their mind. John wasn't happy with his job. I needed someone to play my loving spouse. It seemed like a good solution."

"So you faked your own wedding and lied to your family?"

"No, we are married. We're just not together," Rodney said unhappily.

Jeannie watched him, the frown between her eyes deepening. Then she slapped him on the back of his head.

"Ouch!"

"That's for lying to me for months. Don't worry. I forgive you."

Rodney glared at her and rubbed his head.

"But only because you're such an idiot," she continued.

"What? What are you-"

"You and John. I don't care what you think, but I've watched you. You're still like newlyweds. You can't keep your hands off each other. And Madison has actually asked me why Kaleb and I don't kiss as often as you two do."

"What was your answer?"

"Nice try. We're talking about you now. You and John are together, don't you see that?"

"No, we're not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, we're not."

"Are."

"Are not! Believe me, I would remember if I had sex with him. There's nothing going on between us."

"You mean apart from breakfast, dinner, sometimes lunch, weekend trips, evenings cuddled up on the couch."

"How do you know-" Rodney began automatically. Then he added a defeated "Yes."

"You're in love with him, Mer." It wasn't a question.

"God, yes," Rodney said, some weight lifting of his chest.

It felt good to finally say it. He wasn't sure just when he'd admitted it to himself. Maybe as early as their wedding day. What he did know for sure was that over the last half year John had grown to mean more to him than any other person in his life, past and present.

He just wanted to be with John all the time. He sometimes missed him as early as the first coffee he got at the lab. He sometimes just watched John reading, noticing the little frowns and smiles, sadness or anger. He reveled in John's touches, although they were driving him crazy.

Lately it had gotten worse-or better depending on your view. At some point in the last month, John had stopped getting his clothes before his run, when Rodney was still mostly asleep, and begun doing it after his shower. Which meant that every morning Rodney was faced with a dripping wet John Sheppard, clad in nothing but a towel that hung precariously on his hips.

That wasn't the worst though. Since at this time of day Rodney was already half-awake, John apparently felt it would be appropriate to give him his morning kiss then and there, leaning over Rodney in a way that had Rodney's hand resting on John's hairy chest. God, how he wanted to reach down and give the towel just a tiny pull, but he never did.

Whenever he thought he couldn't take it any longer and was willing to go for it, he had a crystal clear image of John telling him that he was sorry, and that Rodney must have misunderstood. He just couldn't risk it. Not even when they lay on the couch in the evenings and he could feel John's hot breath over his neck or his mouth at his temple. Or when John lay in front of him, squirming back against him.

"Then I don't know what the problem is," Jeannie said, interrupting his torturous thoughts.

"I don't know if he feels the same way," Rodney said. Because it really was as simple as that.

"He does," Jeannie said without hesitation.

"How do you know?"

"I do. He practically admitted it."

"When?"

"When I asked about what you'd do after you were done at the lab, which reminds me, his reaction makes a lot more sense now. I told him how different you were, now that you were married and he didn't seem to believe it. He told me it was your job."

Rodney snorted.

"Exactly," she said with a smile. "Mer, trust me on this, he loves you too."

"I just don't know how to tell him. Every time I want to, I get this feeling of...."

"Doubt?"

"Try mind-numbing fear. I've wanted to. I've even considered inviting Dave's family again."

"What good would that do?"

"John sleeps in my bed, when they're over at our place."

"Oh," Jeannie said, understanding. "That's actually.... We could work with that."

"We?" Rodney asked, suspicion dawning.

"Well, it's obvious you can't handle this yourself. We'll visit you this weekend and stay over night."

"Why would you do that?"

"I'll think of something. You just prepare to seduce your husband."

~~

When Rodney slipped into bed next to John the next night, he could only think that his sister gave the most horrible pep talks.

Every time the Sheppards had visited, Rodney had felt nervous about sharing his bed with John, but that was nothing compared to now.

John switched off the light on his nightstand, leaned over and kissed Rodney on the cheek.

Rodney did the same and settled down on John's chest. John's arm slid around him, holding him securely.

Rodney's heart was beating like crazy. He was sure John could hear it. He should do something now. He should let his hand wander, or his mouth, but he could only think about what if Jeannie was wrong.

He let his head fall where John's neck met his shoulder and sighed. He felt John kiss his head.

God, he always did those wonderful little things for Rodney. Rodney moved his head into John's neck, nuzzling him.

John turned his head. When Rodney opened his eyes, he could faintly see the questioning look on John's face.

Time to act. Rodney closed his eyes and kissed John.

For a moment, nothing happened, then John kissed back, gently, slowly.

Rodney pulled his hand away and fisted it in frustration. This was like their public kissing. Which was wonderful and he loved it, but this wasn't supposed to be that. This was supposed to be passion and heat and suddenly he remembered that Jeannie and Kaleb and Madison were on the same floor and what had he been thinking when he'd agreed to Jeannie's plan?

He pulled away, slowly, and settled his head back on John's chest. His heart was still beating loudly and he waited for John to say something, to ask for an explanation, but instead he just felt John's lips at the top of his head once more.

Rodney wanted to scream.

He lay like that for as long as he could stand and when he thought John had fallen asleep, he slid out of bed and went downstairs.

In the kitchen, he put some water on his face, trying to cool his head.

He'd go back to his original plan. Well, not the original plan where they'd pretend to be married for three months and then go their separate ways again. Also not the one where he thought he'd somehow find out how John felt.

No, he'd go back to the plan where he'd try to hold onto John for as long as he could. He'd try to find them a job in the same company and then he'd suggest that they might as well keep living together. And then he'd somehow hope that John wouldn't notice that they were still married. Oh God.

Rodney banged his head against the fridge in frustration.

"Now, now, we don't want to hurt the most valuable brain in the world," John's voice came suddenly from behind him.

Rodney turned around abruptly. There was the shadow of a smile on John's lips, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"What's wrong?" John asked.

Nothing? Everything? Rodney didn't really know the difference anymore, so he simply said the first thing that came to his mind.

"I'm finished at the lab."

Rodney could see the frown on John's face disappear as he smiled his supportive smile. "That's great."

"No, it's not."

"The results aren't what you expected?" John asked, concerned and it was killing Rodney that he cared.

"No, no. They're exactly what I expected."

"Then what's wrong?"

Rodney looked away, feeling the weight of what he could lose on his shoulders.

Then John was there, pulling him into his arms and Rodney let him for one second, inhaling the scent of John's warm skin.

After that second, he pulled free and took a step aside. "I..." he began. "I don't want to lose you."

He didn't dare look up at John. But John didn't leave him a chance, putting his hand beneath Rodney's chin and turning his face towards John. "You don't have to."

"I don't want you to go," Rodney said.

"I'll stay," John said.

Rodney got agitated again, because he still didn't think John got it. He didn't just want this to go on. To keep living with John as friends pretending to be married.

"No, you don't understand."

"Rodney, I do."

"I don't want us to get a divorce."

"We can stay married."

"I don't just want us to stay married. I want us to be married!" he finally shouted.

John didn't say anything to that. Instead, he cupped Rodney's face with his hands and pulled him into a deep kiss.

Rodney's first instinct was to push John away, but then his body simply wrapped itself around John and opened up for him. John's tongue carefully pushed into his mouth and Rodney pushed back with his own.

He moved back until he was leaning against the kitchen sink and simply kissed and touched and moved, feeling John everywhere against him.

Eventually they had to come up for air, but they didn't move very far apart, foreheads still touching.

"I love you," Rodney whispered.

"Yeah, I got that. I love you too."

Rodney lifted his head at that, so that he could really look at John. He pulled up his hand to touch John's cheek. "We're married."

"Yes, we are," John said with a smile.

Suddenly Rodney frowned. "We didn't have a wedding night."

"No, we didn't-yet," John said with feeling, leaning forward to kiss Rodney again. Then he took Rodney's hand and dragged him up to their bedroom.

Once inside he kissed Rodney again.

"We can't," Rodney protested, even as he sighed when John nibbled on his neck. "Jeannie and Kaleb and-oh yes-Madison."

John pushed him backwards onto the bed and covered Rodney with his body. "We could be quiet," he said, licking Rodney's ear.

"Oh God. I don't want to be quiet," Rodney whispered harshly. And it was the truth. He didn't want to worry about Maddy waking up or Kaleb listening to them. "Please."

"Tomorrow?" John asked, pulling his mouth away from Rodney's skin.

"Definitely tomorrow," Rodney agreed. "I'll throw them out and barricade the doors."

"We could still kiss though?" John asked and he looked so hopeful and happy that Rodney couldn't have denied him, even if he had wanted to. And he had no plans to ever deny John-or himself-again.

"Kissing is good," he said and did just that, moving his lips against John's as he'd done it before on occasion-and yet, everything had been different then.

They'd never kissed like this in bed, John on top of him, one leg between Rodney's, hands running along his shirt. And God, he could touch John.

He could fist John's shirt and slip his hand onto his naked back. He could run his foot along John's calf and press his hardening dick against John's thigh.

John pulled his mouth away and pulled his shirt off. Rodney was about to protest that they'd agreed not to do anything but make out, but John's mouth was back on his in an instant.

When John pushed up Rodney's shirt, their stomachs touched. Rodney moved his hand up John's side to his chest, letting his fingers run through his chest hair.

John began tearing at Rodney's shirt, until Rodney relented and got out of it with John's help.

"Just no-oh God." Rodney was interrupted when John sucked on his right nipple "Kissing," he panted. "You said kissing."

"I am... kissing," John said, belying his own words by running the flat of his tongue over the nipple.

Rodney gripped John's head, fingers roughly holding onto John's hair. John's tongue circled his nipple and Rodney groaned, trying to keep still. It was too much. He was painfully hard and his cock thrust up into the spot where John's thigh met his groin.

John started moving his thigh against him. "No, I.... Oh God," Rodney said, trying to hold on.

Then John's hand slid into his boxers and Rodney let out a whimper.

"I'll help you stay quiet," John said. He covered Rodney's mouth with his, then began to stroke Rodney's dick.

Rodney's mouth opened up in a moan and John pushed his tongue inside, tightening his hand on Rodney's cock, jerking him off in quick, short motions.

Rodney's whole body tensed when he came, pulsing into John's fist, shooting all over his stomach.

John stroked him through it, until Rodney couldn't take it anymore and made a noise of complaint and John stopped. He pulled away, looking down at Rodney. His hand ran little circles over Rodney's side as he let Rodney come down.

When Rodney had half-way caught his breath, he said, "That wasn't just kissing."

"I don't think they woke up," John said, smirking.

Rodney just looked up at him. John was flushed, a bit sweaty and incredibly hot. Rodney let his gaze wander until it came across the head of John's dick peeking out of his boxer shorts.

"Let's hope they won't wake up through this either," Rodney said, rolling over John on his back.

Before John could ask what he was doing, Rodney pulled down his boxers enough to have full access to John's cock. He licked along the shaft and took the head into his mouth.

John lifted his hips involuntarily, making a sound that Rodney wanted to hear as often as he possibly could. He suckled on the head, before moving down, taking more of John's dick into his mouth.

It had been a while since he'd done this, but John certainly didn't complain. He kept making breathy noises and Rodney wondered if he was holding back or if he was naturally quiet during sex.

He began stroking John's shaft while he concentrated on the head, licking and sucking, up and down.

The noises John made became louder, until John put his hand on Rodney's head. "Rodney!"

Rodney pulled away to say, "Shhh."

John groaned in frustration, which turned into pleasure when Rodney went back to suck him into his mouth.

He could feel John squirming beneath him and then saying, "Rodney, I'm-" Rodney's mouth filled with the taste of John, which he greedily swallowed and licked away until John pulled him forward by his neck and into a kiss.

Rodney's mouth opened up immediately and he let John's tongue take possession of him, sharing his taste, sharing everything with him.

From this day forward, 'til death do us part.

~~

John woke up, wrapped around Rodney. Right, the Millers were here. Then he suddenly remembered last night and that from now on there'd be no more sleeping in the guest room.

He smiled and leaned forward to nuzzle Rodney's neck. Then he kissed his way to Rodney's ear.

"Hmmm." Rodney pushed back against John, turning his head to kiss him.

John didn't even mind the morning breath. This was Rodney. And he was his now.

John let his hand wander down Rodney's naked body, until it reached its goal. He cupped Rodney's half-hard dick-and immediately took his hand away again when Rodney slapped it.

"Oh, nononono. Not again. Not until they're gone," Rodney said decisively and threw back the covers, getting out of bed.

John wanted him back, but then he thought about what they would do when Jeannie, Kaleb and Maddy had left. He couldn't wait to have Rodney inside of him. Still, he pushed himself up and said, "Rodney," lifting his hand.

Rodney trotted back and John pulled him into a quick kiss. Rodney forcefully drew back and exhaled, looking flushed. Then he grabbed boxers and a shirt from a drawer and disappeared into the bathroom, only to re-appear a moment later.

He shot John a "don't move!" look and left.

John could hear him violently knocking on the door. "Jeannie, are you still here?" Then he heard small steps running across the hall past their door.

"Are you coming with us to the lake?" Madison asked excitedly.

"No. Way," he heard Rodney say. "Oh, come on, don't be sad. I'll come along another time. I want to spend today with Uncle John." He said something more, but it was so quiet that John couldn't understand it.

"But you see Uncle John every day," came the accusatory voice.

John waited for Rodney's answer, which didn't come for a long time. Then there was a shout of "Jeeeeeeanie?!"

John pulled the pillow over his head, and then got out of bed, figuring he could get coffee while they waited for the Millers to leave.

~~

When John came downstairs, Rodney was standing behind the kitchen isle, arms crossed, glaring at the stairs.

John joined him and kissed him on the cheek, lingering because he could.

Rodney barely reacted. He leaned ever so slightly into John, but kept his gaze fixed on the stairs. John nuzzled his temple and kissed his ear. Rodney huffed.

Okay, he hadn't gotten his coffee yet.

John turned and gratefully saw that Rodney had switched the machine on. He got out two cups, then heard steps on the stairs.

Jeannie was putting her hair up as she descended. She looked at Rodney in a way that John couldn't quite place. He frowned.

Jeannie's gaze drifted from Rodney, who was glaring at her, to John, then back. "Oh Mer," she said, looking for all the world as if she wanted to hug Rodney.

Suddenly it clicked. She knew.

Before she could walk around the isle, Rodney stopped her. "It's okay, it worked. Well, not as you thought, but it did. Just please go."

The coffee machine switched itself off. John stared at it for a moment, then poured Rodney a cup and handed it to him, kissing him on the cheek, because it had become second nature.

"Really?" Jeannie asked, beaming in typical McKay fashion.

John decided to step in before Rodney could throw his cup at her. He turned Rodney's face towards him and kissed him wetly on the mouth.

"So?" Kaleb asked from the stairs.

When John pulled away to look up, Kaleb turned to his wife. "I take it, it worked. I can't really tell the difference with them."

"Did what work?" Maddy asked.

"Uncle Mer and Uncle John had to work something out," Jeannie said, stroking her daughter's hair.

"Did you have a fight?" Maddy asked horrified.

John was touched. "Just a misunderstanding," he said, putting an arm around Rodney.

"Yes, and I promise we'll come along to the lake the next time," Rodney added. John could see that he was feeling bad about disappointing her. "I just really, really need to be alone with Uncle John today."

Maddy looked at them, as if she was considering it. Finally, she nodded and said, "Okay."

"Please," Rodney begged in Jeannie's direction.

"All right," she said. "We can have breakfast on the way." Then she ushered Kaleb and Maddy out of the house and they were finally alone.

~~

It was a movie-worthy way to their bed, complete with stumbling up the stairs as they kissed and pulled at each other's clothes.

Upstairs John wanted to go to his room-one of their guest rooms-to get supplies, but Rodney just pulled him into their bedroom. "I went shopping yesterday."

Then he pulled tubes and bottles and packets from a drawer and John lay down on the bed, watching the growing pile.

"Okay, that should be enough," Rodney eventually said, turning to John.

"You think?" John deadpanned.

Then Rodney was on him and they were kissing again.

Like the night before, they were soon undressing and John tried to find all the spots of Rodney he'd missed the night before.

Their dicks were aligned and John pressed up into Rodney, squeezing his ass cheeks.

Rodney groaned into his neck, thrusting against John and John turned his head and whispered, "I want you inside me."

Rodney froze and for a second John feared that he'd come, but then he lifted his head and looked at John. "Yes. Yes, we can do that."

Feeling Rodney inside him was a revelation. So often John had watched Rodney's expressive fingers and now they were pushing into him, stretching him.

John lifted his hips, pushing down, when Rodney hit his prostate. "Now," he said harshly, because he was ready, more than ready for Rodney.

Rodney pulled out his fingers and quickly put on a condom, slicking it up with some more lube.

Then he pushed John's legs back and positioned himself.

"Rodney," John said, and Rodney pushed in, not stopping until he was fully embedded in John.

John wrapped his legs around Rodney and just looked up at him for a moment. He'd waited so long for this. Now he was finally feeling Rodney inside of him, filling him, completing him.

Rodney slowly leaned down until their mouths met in a barely there kiss, just a quick brush of lips, then again and again. And then he started moving inside of John.

John held him close, deepening their kiss with every thrust.

It was hard to believe that they were finally here-together. He put a hand on Rodney's face, gently pushing him back so that he could look at him.

Rodney's lips were wet and red and his gaze was completely open and full of love.

John couldn't believe his luck. He looked at the hand that cupped Rodney's face and he could see his wedding ring. This wasn't just finally being with Rodney in the way he'd wanted for so long.

This was nothing short of a miracle. Kissing, having sex... these were usually the first steps in building a relationship, something that John had been notoriously bad at.

But with Rodney, it wouldn't be like that. Not just because it was Rodney, but because all the steps that made it difficult, the decision to move in together, to make a commitment, to get married, had all already been taken.

He was making love to his husband and it meant more to him than anything else ever had.

"I love you," he said.

Rodney stopped moving and ran his hand down John's arm. He clasped their fingers together and brought John's hand up to kiss it. "I love you."

Then he started pushing into John again.

John closed his eyes and moved with Rodney. A moment later, he felt Rodney kissing him again and suddenly things weren't slow anymore.

Rodney thrust into him more urgently and John moved up and against him, heels pressing into Rodney's lower back. "John," Rodney panted between kisses.

John wanted to say Yes, I'm here, but he didn't want to let go of Rodney's mouth for longer than absolutely necessary.

When Rodney hit his prostate dead-on, John let out a long groan.

Rodney stilled, then started to push against it again and again.

John's whole body tensed as pleasure spread in all directions.

"Say something," Rodney panted. "I want to hear you."

"Yes," John said, thrusting up against Rodney. "Yes, yes, yes. Rodney."

Rodney sneaked a hand between their bodies and started to jerk John off.

"Oh. Oh, yes. Rodney!"

Rodney kept thrusting faster and faster.

"Oh fuck, yes! Harder!"

Rodney pulled back and really started fucking him, hammering against John's prostate and jerking his cock hard until John couldn't stand it anymore and came and came and came.

He hardly noticed when Rodney collapsed on top of him.

Their panting breaths rang through the room for a long while.

"I'll never get up again," Rodney eventually said.

"We're probably stuck together anyway," John said, thinking about his sticky chest.

Rodney moved experimentally and slipped out of John. Then he rolled over, fortunately without any mishaps. "Not yet sticky enough," John mumbled.

"You're still stuck with me though," Rodney said and John rolled onto his side to look at him.

"Yeah, I am," he said, grinning widely.

~~

Epilogue:

John felt a bit disoriented when he woke up. He was in the living room on the couch. Right, he must have dozed off while they were waiting.

He scanned the room for Rodney. He was pacing back and forth at the foot of the stairs. "Rodney?"

Rodney turned to him. John lifted his hand and made a come here motion. Rodney obediently walked over to the couch. He looked tired, but also excited, with a touch of fear.

John wondered if this was what expecting fathers looked like in the waiting room. He hadn't been there when his nieces had been born. Maybe he'd get a chance to find out early next year when Susan was due to give birth to her first child.

Rodney was expected to finally win what he'd worked towards his whole life.

John rubbed his arm, but he didn't think this was a kind of tension that he could massage away. They'd just have to wait it out. He leaned his head against Rodney's shoulder.

Rodney was nervously tapping his fingers together. John knew that he was convinced he would win, but they couldn't know for sure.

He really hoped Rodney would win this year. He had a backup plan for cheering him up, but no amount of sex or other pleasures could distract him forever from the "injustice" of not winning. John was used to it by now, the annual, early October "the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences consists of a bunch of idiots" week.

But he would love to see Rodney win, to see that exuberant joy on his face when he took on a challenge and mastered it. And this would be the greatest challenge yet, forty years in the making.

The phone rang.

Rodney froze and John looked at him. It wouldn't do for Rodney to die from a heart attack on the day of his biggest triumph.

Rodney jumped up from the couch, pushing John roughly aside. Then he rushed to pick up the phone.

"Yes. Yes. Thank you."

That was all he said before he hung up, looking completely stunned. John got up and joined him.

Rodney's gaze focused on him and an impossibly wide grin began to spread across his face.

"Congratulations," John said and kissed him on the cheek, not wanting that grin to go away.

"This is...." Rodney looked at him, as if searching for the right word.

"The best day of your life?" John ventured. He was grinning himself, because when Rodney was happy he was happy.

Rodney looked at him, apparently thinking it over. "About time!" he said eventually.

John laughed.

Rodney pulled John into a kiss. "And no, it's not the best day of my life," he said, after pulling back.

Their gazes met. After twenty-five years, he could read Rodney's mind pretty well. John was floored.

It wasn't that he didn't know that Rodney loved him. After they'd finally made their marriage real, he'd soon accepted the truth that he was making Rodney so happy. And Rodney continued to let him know, in small ways and sometimes in big ways.

But the Nobel Prize had been Rodney's Holy Grail-the thing everything revolved around-the reason they were together in the first place. To hear Rodney say that as much as winning it meant to him, John meant more, was more amazing than finding out that humans could travel through wormholes or first stepping into the city of Atlantis.

"I love you," John said, because there wasn't really much more you could say to something like that.

"I love you too, and I say that as the-"

"Winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics 2029," John finished for him.

"I won," Rodney whispered.

"Finally," John said and he meant it in more ways than one. He was looking forward to peaceful Octobers. And to Rodney in a Tuxedo. His hair was gray now, but it was still there and Rodney didn't look any less attractive to John than when they'd first met.

The phone rang, again.

"Maybe they got the wrong number," John joked.

Rodney glared at him and picked up.

"Thank you, Radek. I don't know. Actually, no. I think I'll celebrate with my husband. Everything else can wait. I will." He hung up and switched the phone off. "Radek says hi."

"You don't want to listen to the entire world congratulating you?" John said, looking at the phone.

"Not now," Rodney said, taking John's hand in his.

John followed him into their bedroom, where Rodney lay down and pulled John on top of him. "And now do what you always do on this day."

Rodney looked up at him expectantly. John smiled and stroked the little ticklish spot at his side. "You do realize I've done that to cheer you up?"

"No, really?" Rodney said in mock-surprise. "And all these years, I just thought the announcement of the Nobel Prizes got you very hot."

John leaned down to kiss Rodney's neck. "You get me very hot."

"I hope so. And I'd hate to miss out on the cheering up, just because I actually won this year. Wanna make love to a Nobel Prize winner?" Rodney asked, giving him a heated look.

"Oh, yeah," John said, mouth descending on Rodney's, while he began to undress him.

Nobody would ever accuse John of neglecting his duties as a husband.

Notes: This was my prompt:

Wife for Hire by Janet Evanovich

Hank Mallone spotted trouble when she sat down and said she'd marry him! Maggie Toone was a tempting firecracker who'd make his life delightful hell if he let her pretend to be his wife in order to improve his rogue's reputation. Would his harebrained scheme to get a bank loan for his business backfire once Maggie arrived in his small Vermont town and let the gossips take a look? Maggie never expected her employer to be drop-dead handsome, or to affect her like a belt of bourbon on her empty stomach, but she was too intrigued by his offer to say no... and too eager to escape a life that made her feel trapped. The deal was strictly business, both agreed... until Hank turned out to be every fantasy she'd ever had, and Maggie was so bright, funny, and downright irresistible that Hank fell head over heels in love! While the town watched, Hank wooed his wife with a charm that had never failed him yet. Could he make her dreams real by proving she belonged in his arms?