Unbetaed SGA Fic: Old Customs. John/Rodney. G.
Title: Old Customs
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: G
Spoilers: Up to Midway
Word count: 1816
Summary: When he read his short messages, just three words, he knew that they would be the right thing to say and that he meant them for each of them.
Notes: I seem to be in a really sappy mood today. Consider that a warning ;) Sequel to the my Valentine challenge fic "New Customs" for mcsheplets.
Old Customs
It had been a difficult year.
Every year before Valentine's Day, since that first time three years ago, John thought about what the members of his team had gone through and what he appreciated about them the most.
Unlike that first year, their Valentine greetings were all passed in form of notes now and they didn't talk about it, which really worked better for John anyway. It had never been easy for him to express his feelings, but doing it verbally, facing the person, was the most difficult for him.
So he was grateful for an opportunity to let his team know how much he valued each of them-even if it seemed especially difficult this year.
They'd lost so many people. Carson, Elizabeth, Kate. Teyla had lost a good friend and all of her people including the father of her child. Ronon had found parts of his family only to be forced to kill them. And Rodney had nearly had to watch his sister die and had faced failures on a scale that John knew haunted him, even if he could hide it for the most part.
This year John wrote and re-wrote his Valentines again and again, but he always found them lacking.
On the evening of the 13th, after he'd scrapped another set, he listened to music, trying to clear his mind, and then simply pulled out a piece of paper and wrote.
When he read his short messages, just three words, he knew that they would be the right thing to say and that he meant them for each of them.
He knew that Teyla would be grateful to finally have it put into words. Ronon probably wouldn't think much of it. And Rodney...
Rodney's note was the only one that he hesitated pushing through the closed door that night. Not because he didn't mean what he'd written. He did mean it. In fact he meant it even more than with Teyla and Ronon, if you could quantify love at all.
Maybe 'more' wasn't the right word. He loved Rodney differently. He was in love with Rodney. And that made him hesitate, because he didn't want to share that part of his feelings for Rodney.
But in the end he trusted that Rodney would take it as it was meant.
They'd come a long way since that first exchange of Valentines and especially in the last year he felt they'd grown closer to the point that his words could be understood to mean the friendship that had built between them without rousing Rodney's suspicions that he meant more than that.
And as the note disappeared in Rodney's quarters and out of John's reach, he had to acknowledge a small part of him that wanted to say those words to Rodney with all that they meant, especially now that Rodney was single again.
He didn't have any hopes that his feelings would be returned. In fact he tried not to think about that, because sometimes when Rodney looked at him, like when he'd found him in the space suit mere seconds before the Midway station exploded, John couldn't help seeing how much he meant to Rodney. He was afraid that if he thought too much about it, he would begin to hope and he knew that their relationship was complicated enough as it was.
John valued his friendship with Rodney more than any other relationship he'd ever had in his life. Asking for more seemed like pushing his luck, not just because of his track record in relationships, but also because of their circumstances.
What they had was enough for John and now he'd finally put it into words, just like with Teyla and Ronon. When he went to bed that night his last thought was of Rodney and how he might react.
~~
The next morning, when Ronon picked him up for their morning run, he pushed a note into John's hand.
All it said was, "I love you, too."
"And don't think I'll go easy on you because of that," Ronon added and started to run.
John folded up the note and followed him.
~~
Teyla brought her Valentine to his office that morning.
She thanked him and put a hand on his shoulder and after a moment of hesitation she put her hands on his arms and leaned forward until their foreheads touched. She smiled at him and left, a vision of grace as always.
John sat down and read the lengthy note she had written.
He smiled, folded it up and put it alongside Ronon's into his pocket.
His thoughts turned to Rodney for a moment. He should have found John's note by now. John tried to picture it. He'd expected Ronon's and Teyla's response, but as well as he knew Rodney, he found it hard to predict what he'd say or do. And that filled him with both trepidation and excitement.
~~
Rodney joined them for lunch late and distracted.
He gave no indication at all that he'd noticed that it was Valentine's Day. John didn't know if the others had given him their Valentines, but as the meal went on he became more sure that Rodney hadn't actually read his message yet.
He was probably just very busy. This seemed to be confirmed when Rodney didn't eat dinner in the mess hall that evening. John tried not to be too disappointed.
He was getting anxious, but he knew that Rodney would send his message if he had the time. And if he'd have to wait a day or two, he'd live.
Later that evening he couldn't sit still anymore. He'd tried to read, but he couldn't concentrate or hide the fact that he really was just waiting for Rodney's response. He decided to take a walk.
He found Teyla on one of the balconies. He didn't want to disturb her and he didn't actually want to talk with her either. They'd said all that needed to be said in their notes. However there was one thing on his mind that she could help him with.
"John," she said, turning to him.
"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you."
"You are not. It is a lovely night."
He stepped out onto the balcony but stayed close to the door. "Yes, it is. I was just taking a quick walk. Uhm... has Rodney already given you your Valentine?"
She looked at him and it felt as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.
"Yes, he has," she said kindly.
So Rodney knew what day it was.
Apart from that first year, Rodney had never waited until the evening to bring him his Valentine, which probably meant that he'd found John's note and didn't quite know how to respond.
John tried not to panic at the thought. It didn't have to have any deeper meaning than that Rodney hadn't expected John to actually write down those words.
Maybe he simply had a more difficult time than usually to phrase his response.
John tried to shake himself out of this, because speculation would do him no good. He'd know it in time. He nodded at Teyla and went back to his room.
~~
He'd only just arrived when the door chimed.
John's heart started to beat rapidly, but he ignored it and quickly opened the door.
"Rodney." It was almost comical how much this reminded him of how Rodney had looked that first year: Nervous to the point of fear and unable to look at John.
But then Rodney looked up at John and the similarities ended. He held out the note. John took it and when Rodney made no move to leave, he stepped aside to let him in.
He unfolded Rodney's message and after another look at Rodney, read:
"John,
no words could express my gratitude for what you do for me every single day.
I owe you my life and that of my sister. It seems there is no year in which I cannot thank you for saving Atlantis.
More than that you are a constant in my life that I wouldn't want to miss. When everything else in my life seems to fail you are always there. I have never felt as at ease with anyone as I feel around you. And don't think there is anyone else in this galaxy or any other that could make me play computer golf.
You are my best friend. And I hope that will never change.
Rodney"
John's throat felt suddenly dry.
It was the first time that Rodney had addressed him as John in the Valentines, or any other written communication for that matter. He'd referred to John as a friend before, but this was the first time he'd called him his best friend and it meant the world to John.
John looked up at Rodney.
"I wrote this before I saw your note," Rodney suddenly said.
John had to collect his thoughts a bit, trying to figure out why Rodney felt he had to point it out. Then it occurred to him that Rodney hadn't returned John's sentiments, at least not in words.
John smiled. "That's all right." And he meant it. He didn't need the words, because Rodney had made it perfectly clear how much he cared about John. What mattered was that he felt it.
But evidently Rodney disagreed. "No, it's not. I really think..."
John's smile faded and he watched Rodney, trying to prepare to hear those words. At this point he feared he might do something completely embarrassing like hugging Rodney.
"I love you, John," Rodney said, calmly, with deliberate words.
John couldn't help the gasp that escaped his mouth. What he'd prepared for was a declaration of friendship, but his pounding heart had heard something else entirely.
Rodney gave him a quick smile and looked away. "Maybe I shouldn't have-" And then he stopped because John's mouth was covering his.
John fought down the panic rising in his chest. This had far more disastrous potential than hugging Rodney. This wasn't just skirting the line of their friendship, but running over it and if he was wrong, he might lose everything-but he didn't.
Rodney's mouth opened up and when he felt Rodney's arms around him and Rodney's hand in his hair, he knew that their friendship would never have to be enough for them again.
He kissed Rodney with everything that he had and later that night, he slid out of bed to pick up his Valentines and put them in his nightstand drawer together with the others.
Rodney murmured into the pillow when John slipped back under the cover and settled down next to him.
John watched him sleep. He wondered how much this would change their relationship. And, smiling, he thought about how he wouldn't have to hesitate when he gave Rodney his next Valentine.
He was already looking forward to Rodney's.
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: G
Spoilers: Up to Midway
Word count: 1816
Summary: When he read his short messages, just three words, he knew that they would be the right thing to say and that he meant them for each of them.
Notes: I seem to be in a really sappy mood today. Consider that a warning ;) Sequel to the my Valentine challenge fic "New Customs" for mcsheplets.
Old Customs
It had been a difficult year.
Every year before Valentine's Day, since that first time three years ago, John thought about what the members of his team had gone through and what he appreciated about them the most.
Unlike that first year, their Valentine greetings were all passed in form of notes now and they didn't talk about it, which really worked better for John anyway. It had never been easy for him to express his feelings, but doing it verbally, facing the person, was the most difficult for him.
So he was grateful for an opportunity to let his team know how much he valued each of them-even if it seemed especially difficult this year.
They'd lost so many people. Carson, Elizabeth, Kate. Teyla had lost a good friend and all of her people including the father of her child. Ronon had found parts of his family only to be forced to kill them. And Rodney had nearly had to watch his sister die and had faced failures on a scale that John knew haunted him, even if he could hide it for the most part.
This year John wrote and re-wrote his Valentines again and again, but he always found them lacking.
On the evening of the 13th, after he'd scrapped another set, he listened to music, trying to clear his mind, and then simply pulled out a piece of paper and wrote.
When he read his short messages, just three words, he knew that they would be the right thing to say and that he meant them for each of them.
He knew that Teyla would be grateful to finally have it put into words. Ronon probably wouldn't think much of it. And Rodney...
Rodney's note was the only one that he hesitated pushing through the closed door that night. Not because he didn't mean what he'd written. He did mean it. In fact he meant it even more than with Teyla and Ronon, if you could quantify love at all.
Maybe 'more' wasn't the right word. He loved Rodney differently. He was in love with Rodney. And that made him hesitate, because he didn't want to share that part of his feelings for Rodney.
But in the end he trusted that Rodney would take it as it was meant.
They'd come a long way since that first exchange of Valentines and especially in the last year he felt they'd grown closer to the point that his words could be understood to mean the friendship that had built between them without rousing Rodney's suspicions that he meant more than that.
And as the note disappeared in Rodney's quarters and out of John's reach, he had to acknowledge a small part of him that wanted to say those words to Rodney with all that they meant, especially now that Rodney was single again.
He didn't have any hopes that his feelings would be returned. In fact he tried not to think about that, because sometimes when Rodney looked at him, like when he'd found him in the space suit mere seconds before the Midway station exploded, John couldn't help seeing how much he meant to Rodney. He was afraid that if he thought too much about it, he would begin to hope and he knew that their relationship was complicated enough as it was.
John valued his friendship with Rodney more than any other relationship he'd ever had in his life. Asking for more seemed like pushing his luck, not just because of his track record in relationships, but also because of their circumstances.
What they had was enough for John and now he'd finally put it into words, just like with Teyla and Ronon. When he went to bed that night his last thought was of Rodney and how he might react.
~~
The next morning, when Ronon picked him up for their morning run, he pushed a note into John's hand.
All it said was, "I love you, too."
"And don't think I'll go easy on you because of that," Ronon added and started to run.
John folded up the note and followed him.
~~
Teyla brought her Valentine to his office that morning.
She thanked him and put a hand on his shoulder and after a moment of hesitation she put her hands on his arms and leaned forward until their foreheads touched. She smiled at him and left, a vision of grace as always.
John sat down and read the lengthy note she had written.
He smiled, folded it up and put it alongside Ronon's into his pocket.
His thoughts turned to Rodney for a moment. He should have found John's note by now. John tried to picture it. He'd expected Ronon's and Teyla's response, but as well as he knew Rodney, he found it hard to predict what he'd say or do. And that filled him with both trepidation and excitement.
~~
Rodney joined them for lunch late and distracted.
He gave no indication at all that he'd noticed that it was Valentine's Day. John didn't know if the others had given him their Valentines, but as the meal went on he became more sure that Rodney hadn't actually read his message yet.
He was probably just very busy. This seemed to be confirmed when Rodney didn't eat dinner in the mess hall that evening. John tried not to be too disappointed.
He was getting anxious, but he knew that Rodney would send his message if he had the time. And if he'd have to wait a day or two, he'd live.
Later that evening he couldn't sit still anymore. He'd tried to read, but he couldn't concentrate or hide the fact that he really was just waiting for Rodney's response. He decided to take a walk.
He found Teyla on one of the balconies. He didn't want to disturb her and he didn't actually want to talk with her either. They'd said all that needed to be said in their notes. However there was one thing on his mind that she could help him with.
"John," she said, turning to him.
"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you."
"You are not. It is a lovely night."
He stepped out onto the balcony but stayed close to the door. "Yes, it is. I was just taking a quick walk. Uhm... has Rodney already given you your Valentine?"
She looked at him and it felt as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.
"Yes, he has," she said kindly.
So Rodney knew what day it was.
Apart from that first year, Rodney had never waited until the evening to bring him his Valentine, which probably meant that he'd found John's note and didn't quite know how to respond.
John tried not to panic at the thought. It didn't have to have any deeper meaning than that Rodney hadn't expected John to actually write down those words.
Maybe he simply had a more difficult time than usually to phrase his response.
John tried to shake himself out of this, because speculation would do him no good. He'd know it in time. He nodded at Teyla and went back to his room.
~~
He'd only just arrived when the door chimed.
John's heart started to beat rapidly, but he ignored it and quickly opened the door.
"Rodney." It was almost comical how much this reminded him of how Rodney had looked that first year: Nervous to the point of fear and unable to look at John.
But then Rodney looked up at John and the similarities ended. He held out the note. John took it and when Rodney made no move to leave, he stepped aside to let him in.
He unfolded Rodney's message and after another look at Rodney, read:
"John,
no words could express my gratitude for what you do for me every single day.
I owe you my life and that of my sister. It seems there is no year in which I cannot thank you for saving Atlantis.
More than that you are a constant in my life that I wouldn't want to miss. When everything else in my life seems to fail you are always there. I have never felt as at ease with anyone as I feel around you. And don't think there is anyone else in this galaxy or any other that could make me play computer golf.
You are my best friend. And I hope that will never change.
Rodney"
John's throat felt suddenly dry.
It was the first time that Rodney had addressed him as John in the Valentines, or any other written communication for that matter. He'd referred to John as a friend before, but this was the first time he'd called him his best friend and it meant the world to John.
John looked up at Rodney.
"I wrote this before I saw your note," Rodney suddenly said.
John had to collect his thoughts a bit, trying to figure out why Rodney felt he had to point it out. Then it occurred to him that Rodney hadn't returned John's sentiments, at least not in words.
John smiled. "That's all right." And he meant it. He didn't need the words, because Rodney had made it perfectly clear how much he cared about John. What mattered was that he felt it.
But evidently Rodney disagreed. "No, it's not. I really think..."
John's smile faded and he watched Rodney, trying to prepare to hear those words. At this point he feared he might do something completely embarrassing like hugging Rodney.
"I love you, John," Rodney said, calmly, with deliberate words.
John couldn't help the gasp that escaped his mouth. What he'd prepared for was a declaration of friendship, but his pounding heart had heard something else entirely.
Rodney gave him a quick smile and looked away. "Maybe I shouldn't have-" And then he stopped because John's mouth was covering his.
John fought down the panic rising in his chest. This had far more disastrous potential than hugging Rodney. This wasn't just skirting the line of their friendship, but running over it and if he was wrong, he might lose everything-but he didn't.
Rodney's mouth opened up and when he felt Rodney's arms around him and Rodney's hand in his hair, he knew that their friendship would never have to be enough for them again.
He kissed Rodney with everything that he had and later that night, he slid out of bed to pick up his Valentines and put them in his nightstand drawer together with the others.
Rodney murmured into the pillow when John slipped back under the cover and settled down next to him.
John watched him sleep. He wondered how much this would change their relationship. And, smiling, he thought about how he wouldn't have to hesitate when he gave Rodney his next Valentine.
He was already looking forward to Rodney's.