Unbetaed SGA RPS fic: The Kisser and The Passionate Lover. Joe/David. Very light R.
Disclaimer: This is RPS. None of this is real. All of it is made up and just a fantasy.
Warning: Partner Betrayal. More so than in any other fic I've written and by that I mean it's a central theme in some of the ficlets. However there's also fluffy family life. A mixed bag really.
Unbetaed, because I think this needs a lot more editing than I can do at the moment.
Joe/David. Light R for implications only, really. 5997 words.
Written for the prompt slam for my November prompt table.
Inspired by berlinghoff79. Thank you and this is for you! And also hugs for Dorie, I hope this can brighten your day a bit... it's pretty angsty in parts!
The Kisser and The Passionate Lover
ARIES - The Kisser
Outgoing.
David was the star of every party and every meeting. When he talked it was a presentation. It commanded attention and Joe hadn't quite known what to think of it, when he'd first met him. He was an actor, so he knew the type, but David wasn't just hot air.
When he said something, it was worth listening, too, because it was insightful or funny or just plain dorky in a way that made you smile whether you wanted to or not.
Lovable.
Joe hadn't wanted to fall in love with David. He'd fought it tooth and nail, had kept his distance from him, forced himself to not even think about him. But in the end it had still happened. It turned out that it was impossible for Joe not to love David.
Spontaneous.
When David had spontaneously showed up after they'd first met, Joe had told him he had no time. It had been a lie. He simply didn't want to nurture his crush on his co-star. So David had stopped.
He'd started again, when they'd started their... Joe didn't know what to call it. Affair sounded so melodramatic. David's spontaneous visits had been heaven and hell then. Mostly he wasn't able to say no to him and if he did, he always regretted it and felt as guilty about that as if he'd said yes in the first place.
Now, Joe loved David's spontaneity. When he had a sudden idea for a trip with the kids, Joe knew that all of them were in for a treat. And when they were alone in their bedroom and David said, "I've got an idea," Joe immediately started smiling.
Not the one to mess with.
He'd tried to end it of course. Several times. He'd told David that it would never happen again, that he couldn't live like this, that it wasn't right.
But he'd always come back. He couldn't stay away from David in the end. And David had always taken him back, except the last time.
"No," he'd said.
Joe had nodded. Maybe it took someone stronger than him to do the right thing. Maybe David had to be the one to end this and not the other way round.
But it hadn't been better. Wrong or not, Joe had to realize that he couldn't live like this either. So he'd gone to David again.
When David had asked "Why?", Joe hadn't answered for the longest time before finally saying, "Please."
David had pulled him inside and slammed him against the door.
Joe had actually expected him to hit him, but then he'd felt David's mouth on his and his hands on his face. He'd greedily returned the kiss, as if it was the first bite of food after starving for months.
David had stopped as quickly as he had started, gripping Joe's face almost painfully.
"Never again," he said. "This is your last chance. The next time you walk away from this, don't dare to ever come again."
Joe had nodded.
And he'd never left David again.
Funny.
David could always make him laugh. Whether it was between takes on set in the beginning when they were just colleagues and now, when David sent him messages via IM, even though he was only a few feet away. And when he couldn't make Joe laugh with words or grimaces or one of his performances, he simply resorted to jumping him and tickling until Joe lost it.
Excellent kisser.
Their first kiss had been in Joe's trailer. Months of unresolved sexual tension had culminated in that moment, when they'd stood opposite each other, much too close for the effort it constantly took to keep their distance. They'd both leaned in, slowly, so slowly that either of them could have pulled away several times, but neither of them had, because they had both wanted it. They had wanted it more than being a good husband and boyfriend in that moment.
When their lips finally met, it was as if time stood still and the world stopped spinning on its axis. There was nobody else. No colleagues, no producers, no friends, no family, just the two of them.
David had run his hands through Joe's hair and deepened the kiss. Joe could do nothing but let him in.
That first kiss had shook him to the core and it had been like that ever since.
EXTREMELY adorable.
Early in the morning when David was still asleep, Joe sometimes just watched him. His hair was standing up in all directions then and he was still quiet, half of his face pressed into the pillow. Joe lay his head next to David's so that he could see the blue eyes opening blearily. There were no words for how adorable David was in this state when he was just waking up, barely sentient enough to wrinkle his nose when Joe kissed it.
Of course David was adorable at other times. When he was asking very nicely if he could have some more online time or when he proudly presented something actually edible that he'd cooked.
And when he lay on the couch with their daughter on his chest, Joe couldn't decide who of the two was more adorable.
Loves relationships.
David had never been single for long. He'd always gone from relationship to relationship. Joe wasn't sure how often these relationships had overlapped and for how long. He'd never asked David and in any case he was sure that it had never been for as long as he and David had been together before they'd finally made the only decision that was possible for them and left their wives.
They both hadn't been sure. Leaving his wife had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. He would always love Katherine in a way. And he'd fought hard to regain her friendship if not her love.
It had been different for David. Jane had slapped him and then shouted at him for an evening and they'd both ended up crying and Jane had told him that she'd only still speak to him because of their sons, but Joe suspected she had forgiven him even then, even though David didn't deserve it.
Addictive.
Joe had never cheated on Katherine before David or after. He'd never cheated on anyone in his life before and he didn't plan to do it again, but David had been like a force of nature and once Joe had had that first taste of him, he'd never been able to resist him for long.
David was addictive. His humor, his tenderness, his completely open way of expressing his affection. Unlike Joe, David never held back. He always did everything with 100% dedication. And once he'd dedicated himself to Joe, there'd been no chance of ever recovering.
Loud.
The noise in their house could drive Joe insane at time, especially when he was trying to write and all their children were at home. But still, if there was a commotion outside of his study, chances were that the loudest of them all was David.
Joe had learned to shout back over the years or to ignore it.
Of course there were moments when he loved when David was loud. When they had the house to themselves for once for an evening and he was inside of David, Joe wanted to hear everything. Every breath, every whimper, every shout of passion, and he wanted all of that as loud as possible.
Stubborn.
The time from the moment he'd first realized that he was attracted to David to the day they'd moved in together had been the most difficult in Joe's life.
Looking back he didn't know how they'd done it. He just knew that they'd never have made it to the point where they were now, if it hadn't been for David.
It had been David who'd never given up on them, who'd stubbornly told Joe that he loved him, even if he didn't want to hear it, who'd seen the good in what they did when Joe felt only overwhelming guilt and shame.
Even when David hadn't taken Joe back that last time after he'd left him, it had been because he believed in them and had to make Joe realize that running away from this wouldn't make it go away, so he'd have to stop trying. And he'd succeeded.
Calm and cool.
Despite David's tendency for theatrics, sometimes when chaos seemed to take hold of their house, mostly when their boys were there, David would have a moment of clarity and don what Joe thought of as his director's hat.
He'd calmly shout orders then and all their kids would follow like obedient little soldiers. It was awe inspiring, almost a bit scary, and really, really cool.
Very confident.
Joe wasn't sure if David's confidence was admirable or scary.
He'd never forget how David had taken him aside the day before his wedding to Jane and told him a place and a time and just looked at him.
Joe hadn't wanted to go. A part of him had hoped that David's marriage would finally put an end to this. But he knew that David would be waiting for him and as so often he couldn't deny him.
He had wanted to talk David out of having sex, though, because doing that the night before his marriage... Joe always felt guilty about deceiving Katherine and Jane, but that night the only thing that had made him do it was the way that David had taken his face in his hands and looked him straight in the eye.
"I know it's not right. But it's us."
David didn't have to say it for Joe to understand: No matter what the circumstances and consequences, they had to be together, belonged together, if the only way it was possible was the worst possible way.
David had always been much more confident about that than Joe.
And in the end it was David's confidence that would make Joe leave his wife and try to make it right.
Sensitive.
David could be surprisingly sensitive. Not just with Joe during their most difficult time, when every wrong word or touch would send him running because he couldn't deal with what they were doing.
What had impressed Joe the most was how well David had handled Katherine and Joe's sons. He'd calmly listened to anything Joe's eldest had thrown at him, even when Joe lost his patience and stopped him because no matter how much they both deserved it there were things that you didn't call your father and everything he called David applied to Joe equally if not more.
Looking back Joe was sure that if David hadn't handled Aidan so well, hadn't let him express all his frustration and anger and helplessness, it would have taken a lot longer for them to arrive at a truce that finally became acceptance.
Hot but has brains.
It turned Joe on when David was being smart. Like when he told him about a new module or something that he'd added to their homepage. His kids had told him that it was no big deal, but to Joe it was the same as McKay working his magic to save the world with his incomparable genius.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on the situation) David knew about this weakness of Joe's and used it from time to time. Sometimes when he wanted Joe to stop writing, he put his arms around Joe and started whispering about upgrades and defragmentation and it would unfailingly make Joe hard because David's brain was the hottest thing in the world.
Hyper.
David and sugar was a dangerous combination. So was David and black coffee. And David and classic science fiction in HD. Generally anything that made him extremely excitable was to be avoided at all costs, because it always ended up with Joe being extremely exhausted, mentally or physically and sometimes both.
Although in some cases, it was really, really worth it and though Joe had hidden the Han Solo costume deep inside the depth of their attic, he hadn't thrown it away. He thought he'd eventually be up to another round of that if the kids were out of the house for at least three days.
Fun to be around.
Over the years, Joe had learned to open up to strangers and felt less shy and more comfortable around people in general. But right from the start he'd felt different when he was around David.
Of course everyone said that David was fun to be around and it was the truth. But in the beginning, despite the laughs and smiles that David's antics would elicit in him, there'd been a feeling that there was more. He'd felt the overwhelming sense that he should be around David, that he belonged there.
It had confused him at first, then scared him, when he finally realized what it meant. Now, when a script wasn't quite working the way it should and David wasn't in the study with him, he'd sometimes sneak out and look for him, simply because his presence made him feel better.
Secretive.
Even though David sometimes liked to keep things to himself for a while when they were important to him, he wasn't very good at keeping secrets - at least from Joe.
Joe always knew that something was up when David got that glow that wasn't accompanied by giddiness, but more by subdued happiness and content. He didn't usually ask David about it, because David would tell him in time.
However there was one time when Joe really didn't see it coming. He was completely blindsided when on his 45th birthday David brought him breakfast to bed and dropped down on his knees and proposed to him, before Joe had even had his first coffee.
They'd been together for just over a year by then - or seven, depending on how you counted. Joe hadn't really wanted to marry again. He'd never discussed it with David, but the mere thought of another divorce - and he wasn't naive enough to believe it couldn't happen - made him feel ambiguous about another marriage, even though he loved David.
He suspected the reason that he hadn't noticed anything was that David hadn't really been sure if Joe would say yes, which must have dampened the glow.
They discussed it that day. Joe had needlessly pointed out that they didn't have to get married to be together. David had told him that he understood and that he hadn't exactly always wanted to get married three times. But he also didn't want to let their past experiences stand in the way of what felt right. Joe was the man he loved and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, for better or worse. He'd joked that with what they'd gone through chances were that their marriage would be better. Joe hadn't laughed. And he hadn't said yes until they went to bed that day.
Sometimes he wished he'd met David under different circumstances. He imagined a situation where when David proposed to him he simply would have smiled and said yes and kissed him.
However he'd learned the hard way that life wasn't always what you wished. But all things considered, he was a very happy man indeed.
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Pretty/handsome.
David wouldn't lie and pretend that Joe's looks hadn't been the first thing he'd noticed about him. Because really, it was hard to stand in the same room and not be overwhelmed by The Pretty.
But David was an actor. He was used to working with beautiful people and Joe wasn't the best looking of them all by far. So while Joe's looks had certainly been enough to subtly check him out when they'd first met, it hadn't been his looks that made David check him out again when they first parted.
Smart.
David wasn't quite sure why he'd been surprised when it turned out that Joe was a pretty smart actor. Joe really cared about John Sheppard and was thoughtful about everything he did and how he did it. Which was what you would expect from the star of a TV show, but in the back of David's mind there had to have been the number of TV pilots that never made into a series or something else, because when he'd first talked to Joe about their characters there'd been a moment when he'd stopped listening and simply thought, "Wow, working with this guy is going to be great."
Loves to dress up.
Joe denied it, but David knew that he'd enjoyed every second he'd dressed up as Han Solo. Every single second.
Love to bust.
Joe had so much love to give. Everyone who met him knew pretty soon how much he loved his family, but Joe just seemed to love... humanity in a way that David didn't.
Joe was very aware of being just one person, but somehow he still wanted to make the world a better place. It wasn't that David didn't care, but he felt he was more selfish when his goals where to amuse the masses with his creative genius.
When Joe talked about recycling and how it wasn't like they'd had a spare planet lying somewhere around, David burst with pride and affection.
David was honest enough to admit that for him the best part of Joe's capacity to love was when it was directed at him.
Easily bored.
Joe tended to be happy when he had something to read or write or was with his kids or was... occupied. He was horribly bad at doing nothing, whereas David could easily kill hours surfing or zapping through any channel known to mankind.
When Joe was bored, he became whiny. Which was cute for a minute and then became incredibly annoying. However when David didn't have to work and the kids weren't at home, Joe would come and look over David's shoulder and begin to touch him casually. He'd ask questions about what David did, until David had enough and turned to him. "You're bored, right?" Joe would look at the ceiling as if he'd have to think about it and then say, "Maybe." And then David would pull him down for a kiss and then drag him into their bedroom.
Occupying Joe when he was bored was a cross he had to bear, but truthfully David didn't mind most of the time.
Intelligent.
It had taken a while for David to realize just how intelligent Joe was. Of course he knew that he wasn't dumb, but between Joe's technophobia and his feeling too misinformed by the general media to be able to fully grasp certain issues it somehow had never really entered David's consciousness.
But at some point he noticed that their older kids never came to David anymore to ask for help with their homework. When he asked Truman if he should look over something for him, he got the answer, "No, it's all right. I'll ask, Dad. I'll need someone who actually understands this stuff."
David might have been insulted, if he hadn't faked his way through high school. He'd always felt that his time was better spent on things that really mattered to him.
Later that day, he asked Joe if he'd just looked up enough to give his kids pointers or if he actually knew what he was doing. Joe had looked at him and laughed. "What? You don't know this stuff?"
Well. As long as he didn't think of David as stupid.
Fussy.
Joe could be extremely fussy about his writing. David had seen how he'd fought over nuances in his performance of Sheppard, but it had been nothing to his writing. Joe could spend hours on his desk editing only a few sentences until they sounded exactly the way he felt was right.
Generally, perfectionism was something that David admired, but there was a point when it became impractical.
For now though it was just a hobby and Joe looked so pleased when he finally finished something to his satisfaction that David didn't have it in him to tell him that in the real world, people would tear his script apart because they'd like the first ad break a minute earlier and also this character should be sexier and that character funnier.
Seldom shows emotions.
Whenever Joe told people that used to be shy when he was younger, but felt much more open towards people now, David mentally rolled his eyes. Because while he could talk to a room full of strangers without problems now and was even publicly affectionate with David (to a degree), Joe simply wasn't a person who easily showed what he felt.
When they'd first started having sex, David had tried to play it more casual than he'd felt about it, simply because he thought it was how Joe felt about it. Sure, he'd seemed guilty and kept saying that they shouldn't do this, but David had to admit that he had thought half of that had been theatrics until he realized the truth.
It hadn't just been the usual "I normally don't do this". For Joe it really was "I've never done this in my life". Eventually, after Joe broke up with him and came back for the first time he finally realized that Joe actually loved him.
Early in their relationship after this realization, David had resented Joe's reservation, but the longer they'd been together the more he'd come to terms with it. Now, when Joe was affectionate or told him that he loved him it just meant so much more.
Family oriented.
It had taken about ten minutes of talking to Joe to know without a doubt that he was a family man. He was the kind of guy who proudly wore his wedding ring and loved to talk about his kids. David hadn't minded. He wanted a family himself and he thought it was admirable in this industry to be married long enough to have two kids.
However even back then, when he'd first met Joe, a small part of him had felt uncomfortable about Joe's 'marriedness'.
Later, Joe's dedication to family meant that it was just so much harder for him to betray them. That time in their lives had been difficult for both of them, but more so for Joe. He remembered how the producers had complained when Joe had once again forgotten to take of his wedding ring, so he'd stopped wearing it. David knew that it hadn't been about the danger of it appearing on screen and it had been then that he'd first felt that what they had, insane and wrong as it was, might last.
Now, Joe's sense of family was a minor to major annoyance. He loved to have family around. So did David, because he loved his family. Just not all at once. For their wedding they'd simply taken the kids and flown to Reno once Aidan had hinted that he might possibly still speak to his father even if he re-married.
However that meant that when they adopted their daughter soon after that, the party to welcome her to the family doubled as a wedding celebration and everyone needed to be invited and actually felt they should show up.
While David's main goal for two days was to simply survive, Joe was completely in his element and practically floating around the house. He was being a good host, a good dad, a good son, a good brother, a good brother-in-law, a good son-in-law, a good ex-son-in-law (because, yes, he'd invited his ex-wife's father), a good ex-husband, a good step-father, a good uncle, a good cousin, a good nephew.
He'd reveled in having all of their family around, except that he forgot that he was a husband, too. During those two days, Joe only spoke to him when he looked for something or wanted to know where to put something. It was the first time that David had felt married.
He was happy to have Joe back after that, but in the back of his mind there was the feeling that Joe really needed more than just David to be happy and he felt... almost jealous.
Then he remembered that Joe had left his wife without asking anyone or telling them beforehand. He hadn't known what they'd think of him, if they'd still love him and he'd still done it. For David.
For someone like Joe doing what he'd done had been an enormous risk. David had no reason at all to be jealous, because in the end Joe had made his choice and the family that he couldn't live without had been David.
Takes time to recover when hurt.
When Joe had broken up with him for the second time, David had reacted badly.
The first time he thought Joe had meant it and that screwing around with a co-star was not worth the guilt that felt when cheating on his wife. David had understood it. Back then he'd thought that what he did with David was just following an urge he'd long suppressed.
The second time he knew what this meant to Joe. They'd never said the words, but Joe loved him and what was happening between them was beyond their control. But Joe couldn't admit it and it infuriated David, because he knew that Joe would come back to him eventually and breaking up with David - again - was just hurting both of them.
"You know, pretending that you can just walk away from this, because, let me think, we're just fucking, won't make it true."
Joe had stared at him, coldly.
"If I could pretend this was just fucking, we'd never be here. You know that I- I just can't do this, David."
"You can and you have and you will again and you know it," David had shouted back angrily.
"What I know is that this is killing me."
David had rolled his eyes. "Oh wow, soap opera, here we go. Close up on Flanigan. After the break, will he or will he not break down and tearfully confess to his wi-"
"You fucking asshole! Just because you don't give a damn about Jane, doe-"
"What do you know about it? You keep talking about how guilty you feel and how wrong it is, but you're not one bit better than I am, not one bit. Fuck you, Joe. I wanted to marry her."
"Then why don't you do that? We're finished."
They hadn't talked for a while after that. David had regretted his words that same night, but Joe had ignored any attempts by him to talk.
Their fight didn't go unnoticed of course. So David had cornered him and told him that they'd have to find a way to at least be civilized when working together. Joe had only nodded.
After that he'd talked to David again, but it had been almost as bad as not talking at all. For the benefit of the others they looked as if they'd gotten past their issues, but every time Joe had looked at him David had known that he hadn't forgotten and certainly not forgiven.
He hadn't known how to say he was sorry. And Joe had to know that he hadn't meant it. David had tried to convey without words what he felt but couldn't say, but it had taken some time until they had settled back into the way things were before they had first kissed.
When Joe had come to him one night and not said a word, David had let him in and led him to the bedroom. They'd gone slow, been careful, as if a wrong move could break them. He'd taken Joe inside and afterwards they'd lain together and just looked at each other.
"It was never just fucking for me," Joe had said and David couldn't believe that he thought he had to say it.
"I know." He'd moved his hand into Joe's soft hair.
The weeks before had been some of the worst of his life. Not seeing Joe was bad enough, but not knowing when they'd be together again, if at all, was something he never wanted to go through again. As horrible as their situation was, he knew that apart it would simply be worse.
He looked at Joe for a long moment. Despite everything, in that moment he felt that Joe was the love of his life. And he wanted to put it into words at least once.
"I love you."
Joe hadn't answered in kind. But he'd leaned forward and kissed David. He'd known he'd been forgiven, then.
Sensitive.
David sometimes thought that Joe was too sensitive. He could have saved himself and by extension David much pain if he'd been a bit more hardhearted. David always felt there was no point in crying over things that couldn't be changed. Although Joe hardly ever cried.
And the only time that Joe had really lost it, David hadn't been with him.
Joe had called an afternoon after they'd parted after attending a con together. He'd only said David's name and then nothing else had come out until David had realized that Joe was crying so hard that he couldn't speak.
His own throat had constricted because he'd been sure something must have happened to Joe's kids. But it hadn't been that. David had stayed on the phone, not saying anything, just being there for Joe until Joe had calmed down enough to say three words.
"I left her."
David had been too stunned to say anything and eventually Joe had hung up.
Down-to-Earth.
Joe was a pretty down-to-earth guy. He liked to buy the newest gadgets but it wasn't about the technology behind it, it was about pressing buttons and cool things happening. In gadgets as well as generally he liked things simple.
His idea of a perfect vacation was camping. When they were still having an affair David hadn't minded an afternoon in a hut and if Joe could stay the night that was wonderful. But then they'd mostly spent those hours in bed.
After they'd moved in together and could officially take vacations together and those vacations lasted longer than 18 hours David realized that he really preferred vacations with a bed, a bath and room service. This fact was only made more apparent because they no longer needed to cram as much sex and general togetherness into their vacations.
David really didn't want to put a damper on Joe's spirits, so he had tried not to complain too much, but when Katherine had brought over the boys soon after their vacation and Joe had mentioned it, her eyes had widened and she had looked at David and smiled full of pity and commiseration.
"You've been through that, too?" David asked.
And she'd said, "Oh, no, once was enough. After that first time, I told him, he was welcome to hunt and gather as much as he wants to, as long as he leaves me out of it."
David had turned to Joe and glared at him.
Joe probably would have glared at Katherine, if he hadn't still been at a stage where he was happy that she agreed to set foot in their home.
As it was, David had told Joe, "What she said." But they'd been able to work out a compromise. So instead of full out tents and campfires it was back to huts with a bed, amenities and broadband connection.
Stubborn.
Joe's stubbornness could infuriate David. The fact that he could be stubborn himself didn't make it any better. They'd learned to deal with it, learned to compromise, to say sorry, to give in. But it had taken a while to get to that point and once they had divorced their wives and moved in together there just had been almost a necessity to make it work.
Before it had been more difficult. Of course the situations itself had been hell. But in retrospect David felt that they probably could have handled it better if they'd just talked about it more and been open instead of keeping things bottled up until they trickled through in biting remarks.
The thing that David had hated the most about that time in their life wasn't that he had to lie to Jane constantly. It had made him feel bad and he knew that it was wrong, but he also knew he wouldn't stop, so he just accepted what he did.
Joe on the other hand had stubbornly kept on behaving like a saint who'd never cheat. Almost every time it had been as if he'd done it for the first time and couldn't understand how it had happened. The sentiment of "Oh God, what have I done?" soon grated on David, because really how many times did he have to suck David's cock or take it up the ass to realize that, yes, in fact he was the kind of guy who cheated on his wife.
Of course, ultimately David had been wrong.
He'd been prepared to spend the rest of their lives like this: Living with their families and meeting each other at conventions, weekends at the hut and whenever they could steal an hour or more together in a hotel or wherever they could be together. Cheating and lying.
But Joe was the kind of guy who never cheated. And since he couldn't stop being with David, he'd had to stop it from being cheating. So stubborn was he.
Loves being in long relationships.
David knew that when Joe had married Katherine there had been no doubt in his mind that it would last forever. It wasn't just the "Oh, we're so in love, it will always be like this. We're meant to be" kind of thing. It was the complete and utter believe that he would never ever leave his wife.
David hadn't felt like that about his first marriage. And his second... he never should have married Jane. He would never regret having his sons, but marrying Jane had been a mistake, because he'd only done it because he thought that Joe would never leave his wife.
Joe didn't think in terms of now, he thought in terms of grandchildren and sitting together in the retirement home. And that image had long since been occupied by his growing family, so David had accepted that he'd always be "the other man", if such a term existed for guys.
For six years they'd had a on again off again relationship until Joe had stopped fighting that they belonged together in one way or another. David would like to credit himself for that, for keeping their relationship going and for believing in it, but truthfully Joe had done so much more.
Joe had come back to him, after ending it, four times. David really only ever knew in retrospect what it must have cost Joe and that compared to him David had really only followed a fancy. But more than coming back and eventually staying with David after realizing that it wouldn't stop no matter how hard he tried, Joe had done the impossible.
He'd done the scariest thing in his life and he'd done it completely alone. He'd taken a leap of faith, not knowing if he'd sprout wings and fly or crash and die. And even years later David still couldn't quite believe that Joe had done it for him.
His gratitude for making their life possible could not be put into words. So he tried to put it into actions, every day. Joe had given him happiness and in return David had vowed to himself to try and make it last for as long as Joe wanted.
And he knew Joe was a forever kind of guy.
Warning: Partner Betrayal. More so than in any other fic I've written and by that I mean it's a central theme in some of the ficlets. However there's also fluffy family life. A mixed bag really.
Unbetaed, because I think this needs a lot more editing than I can do at the moment.
Joe/David. Light R for implications only, really. 5997 words.
Written for the prompt slam for my November prompt table.
Inspired by berlinghoff79. Thank you and this is for you! And also hugs for Dorie, I hope this can brighten your day a bit... it's pretty angsty in parts!
The Kisser and The Passionate Lover
ARIES - The Kisser
Outgoing.
David was the star of every party and every meeting. When he talked it was a presentation. It commanded attention and Joe hadn't quite known what to think of it, when he'd first met him. He was an actor, so he knew the type, but David wasn't just hot air.
When he said something, it was worth listening, too, because it was insightful or funny or just plain dorky in a way that made you smile whether you wanted to or not.
Lovable.
Joe hadn't wanted to fall in love with David. He'd fought it tooth and nail, had kept his distance from him, forced himself to not even think about him. But in the end it had still happened. It turned out that it was impossible for Joe not to love David.
Spontaneous.
When David had spontaneously showed up after they'd first met, Joe had told him he had no time. It had been a lie. He simply didn't want to nurture his crush on his co-star. So David had stopped.
He'd started again, when they'd started their... Joe didn't know what to call it. Affair sounded so melodramatic. David's spontaneous visits had been heaven and hell then. Mostly he wasn't able to say no to him and if he did, he always regretted it and felt as guilty about that as if he'd said yes in the first place.
Now, Joe loved David's spontaneity. When he had a sudden idea for a trip with the kids, Joe knew that all of them were in for a treat. And when they were alone in their bedroom and David said, "I've got an idea," Joe immediately started smiling.
Not the one to mess with.
He'd tried to end it of course. Several times. He'd told David that it would never happen again, that he couldn't live like this, that it wasn't right.
But he'd always come back. He couldn't stay away from David in the end. And David had always taken him back, except the last time.
"No," he'd said.
Joe had nodded. Maybe it took someone stronger than him to do the right thing. Maybe David had to be the one to end this and not the other way round.
But it hadn't been better. Wrong or not, Joe had to realize that he couldn't live like this either. So he'd gone to David again.
When David had asked "Why?", Joe hadn't answered for the longest time before finally saying, "Please."
David had pulled him inside and slammed him against the door.
Joe had actually expected him to hit him, but then he'd felt David's mouth on his and his hands on his face. He'd greedily returned the kiss, as if it was the first bite of food after starving for months.
David had stopped as quickly as he had started, gripping Joe's face almost painfully.
"Never again," he said. "This is your last chance. The next time you walk away from this, don't dare to ever come again."
Joe had nodded.
And he'd never left David again.
Funny.
David could always make him laugh. Whether it was between takes on set in the beginning when they were just colleagues and now, when David sent him messages via IM, even though he was only a few feet away. And when he couldn't make Joe laugh with words or grimaces or one of his performances, he simply resorted to jumping him and tickling until Joe lost it.
Excellent kisser.
Their first kiss had been in Joe's trailer. Months of unresolved sexual tension had culminated in that moment, when they'd stood opposite each other, much too close for the effort it constantly took to keep their distance. They'd both leaned in, slowly, so slowly that either of them could have pulled away several times, but neither of them had, because they had both wanted it. They had wanted it more than being a good husband and boyfriend in that moment.
When their lips finally met, it was as if time stood still and the world stopped spinning on its axis. There was nobody else. No colleagues, no producers, no friends, no family, just the two of them.
David had run his hands through Joe's hair and deepened the kiss. Joe could do nothing but let him in.
That first kiss had shook him to the core and it had been like that ever since.
EXTREMELY adorable.
Early in the morning when David was still asleep, Joe sometimes just watched him. His hair was standing up in all directions then and he was still quiet, half of his face pressed into the pillow. Joe lay his head next to David's so that he could see the blue eyes opening blearily. There were no words for how adorable David was in this state when he was just waking up, barely sentient enough to wrinkle his nose when Joe kissed it.
Of course David was adorable at other times. When he was asking very nicely if he could have some more online time or when he proudly presented something actually edible that he'd cooked.
And when he lay on the couch with their daughter on his chest, Joe couldn't decide who of the two was more adorable.
Loves relationships.
David had never been single for long. He'd always gone from relationship to relationship. Joe wasn't sure how often these relationships had overlapped and for how long. He'd never asked David and in any case he was sure that it had never been for as long as he and David had been together before they'd finally made the only decision that was possible for them and left their wives.
They both hadn't been sure. Leaving his wife had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. He would always love Katherine in a way. And he'd fought hard to regain her friendship if not her love.
It had been different for David. Jane had slapped him and then shouted at him for an evening and they'd both ended up crying and Jane had told him that she'd only still speak to him because of their sons, but Joe suspected she had forgiven him even then, even though David didn't deserve it.
Addictive.
Joe had never cheated on Katherine before David or after. He'd never cheated on anyone in his life before and he didn't plan to do it again, but David had been like a force of nature and once Joe had had that first taste of him, he'd never been able to resist him for long.
David was addictive. His humor, his tenderness, his completely open way of expressing his affection. Unlike Joe, David never held back. He always did everything with 100% dedication. And once he'd dedicated himself to Joe, there'd been no chance of ever recovering.
Loud.
The noise in their house could drive Joe insane at time, especially when he was trying to write and all their children were at home. But still, if there was a commotion outside of his study, chances were that the loudest of them all was David.
Joe had learned to shout back over the years or to ignore it.
Of course there were moments when he loved when David was loud. When they had the house to themselves for once for an evening and he was inside of David, Joe wanted to hear everything. Every breath, every whimper, every shout of passion, and he wanted all of that as loud as possible.
Stubborn.
The time from the moment he'd first realized that he was attracted to David to the day they'd moved in together had been the most difficult in Joe's life.
Looking back he didn't know how they'd done it. He just knew that they'd never have made it to the point where they were now, if it hadn't been for David.
It had been David who'd never given up on them, who'd stubbornly told Joe that he loved him, even if he didn't want to hear it, who'd seen the good in what they did when Joe felt only overwhelming guilt and shame.
Even when David hadn't taken Joe back that last time after he'd left him, it had been because he believed in them and had to make Joe realize that running away from this wouldn't make it go away, so he'd have to stop trying. And he'd succeeded.
Calm and cool.
Despite David's tendency for theatrics, sometimes when chaos seemed to take hold of their house, mostly when their boys were there, David would have a moment of clarity and don what Joe thought of as his director's hat.
He'd calmly shout orders then and all their kids would follow like obedient little soldiers. It was awe inspiring, almost a bit scary, and really, really cool.
Very confident.
Joe wasn't sure if David's confidence was admirable or scary.
He'd never forget how David had taken him aside the day before his wedding to Jane and told him a place and a time and just looked at him.
Joe hadn't wanted to go. A part of him had hoped that David's marriage would finally put an end to this. But he knew that David would be waiting for him and as so often he couldn't deny him.
He had wanted to talk David out of having sex, though, because doing that the night before his marriage... Joe always felt guilty about deceiving Katherine and Jane, but that night the only thing that had made him do it was the way that David had taken his face in his hands and looked him straight in the eye.
"I know it's not right. But it's us."
David didn't have to say it for Joe to understand: No matter what the circumstances and consequences, they had to be together, belonged together, if the only way it was possible was the worst possible way.
David had always been much more confident about that than Joe.
And in the end it was David's confidence that would make Joe leave his wife and try to make it right.
Sensitive.
David could be surprisingly sensitive. Not just with Joe during their most difficult time, when every wrong word or touch would send him running because he couldn't deal with what they were doing.
What had impressed Joe the most was how well David had handled Katherine and Joe's sons. He'd calmly listened to anything Joe's eldest had thrown at him, even when Joe lost his patience and stopped him because no matter how much they both deserved it there were things that you didn't call your father and everything he called David applied to Joe equally if not more.
Looking back Joe was sure that if David hadn't handled Aidan so well, hadn't let him express all his frustration and anger and helplessness, it would have taken a lot longer for them to arrive at a truce that finally became acceptance.
Hot but has brains.
It turned Joe on when David was being smart. Like when he told him about a new module or something that he'd added to their homepage. His kids had told him that it was no big deal, but to Joe it was the same as McKay working his magic to save the world with his incomparable genius.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on the situation) David knew about this weakness of Joe's and used it from time to time. Sometimes when he wanted Joe to stop writing, he put his arms around Joe and started whispering about upgrades and defragmentation and it would unfailingly make Joe hard because David's brain was the hottest thing in the world.
Hyper.
David and sugar was a dangerous combination. So was David and black coffee. And David and classic science fiction in HD. Generally anything that made him extremely excitable was to be avoided at all costs, because it always ended up with Joe being extremely exhausted, mentally or physically and sometimes both.
Although in some cases, it was really, really worth it and though Joe had hidden the Han Solo costume deep inside the depth of their attic, he hadn't thrown it away. He thought he'd eventually be up to another round of that if the kids were out of the house for at least three days.
Fun to be around.
Over the years, Joe had learned to open up to strangers and felt less shy and more comfortable around people in general. But right from the start he'd felt different when he was around David.
Of course everyone said that David was fun to be around and it was the truth. But in the beginning, despite the laughs and smiles that David's antics would elicit in him, there'd been a feeling that there was more. He'd felt the overwhelming sense that he should be around David, that he belonged there.
It had confused him at first, then scared him, when he finally realized what it meant. Now, when a script wasn't quite working the way it should and David wasn't in the study with him, he'd sometimes sneak out and look for him, simply because his presence made him feel better.
Secretive.
Even though David sometimes liked to keep things to himself for a while when they were important to him, he wasn't very good at keeping secrets - at least from Joe.
Joe always knew that something was up when David got that glow that wasn't accompanied by giddiness, but more by subdued happiness and content. He didn't usually ask David about it, because David would tell him in time.
However there was one time when Joe really didn't see it coming. He was completely blindsided when on his 45th birthday David brought him breakfast to bed and dropped down on his knees and proposed to him, before Joe had even had his first coffee.
They'd been together for just over a year by then - or seven, depending on how you counted. Joe hadn't really wanted to marry again. He'd never discussed it with David, but the mere thought of another divorce - and he wasn't naive enough to believe it couldn't happen - made him feel ambiguous about another marriage, even though he loved David.
He suspected the reason that he hadn't noticed anything was that David hadn't really been sure if Joe would say yes, which must have dampened the glow.
They discussed it that day. Joe had needlessly pointed out that they didn't have to get married to be together. David had told him that he understood and that he hadn't exactly always wanted to get married three times. But he also didn't want to let their past experiences stand in the way of what felt right. Joe was the man he loved and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, for better or worse. He'd joked that with what they'd gone through chances were that their marriage would be better. Joe hadn't laughed. And he hadn't said yes until they went to bed that day.
Sometimes he wished he'd met David under different circumstances. He imagined a situation where when David proposed to him he simply would have smiled and said yes and kissed him.
However he'd learned the hard way that life wasn't always what you wished. But all things considered, he was a very happy man indeed.
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Pretty/handsome.
David wouldn't lie and pretend that Joe's looks hadn't been the first thing he'd noticed about him. Because really, it was hard to stand in the same room and not be overwhelmed by The Pretty.
But David was an actor. He was used to working with beautiful people and Joe wasn't the best looking of them all by far. So while Joe's looks had certainly been enough to subtly check him out when they'd first met, it hadn't been his looks that made David check him out again when they first parted.
Smart.
David wasn't quite sure why he'd been surprised when it turned out that Joe was a pretty smart actor. Joe really cared about John Sheppard and was thoughtful about everything he did and how he did it. Which was what you would expect from the star of a TV show, but in the back of David's mind there had to have been the number of TV pilots that never made into a series or something else, because when he'd first talked to Joe about their characters there'd been a moment when he'd stopped listening and simply thought, "Wow, working with this guy is going to be great."
Loves to dress up.
Joe denied it, but David knew that he'd enjoyed every second he'd dressed up as Han Solo. Every single second.
Love to bust.
Joe had so much love to give. Everyone who met him knew pretty soon how much he loved his family, but Joe just seemed to love... humanity in a way that David didn't.
Joe was very aware of being just one person, but somehow he still wanted to make the world a better place. It wasn't that David didn't care, but he felt he was more selfish when his goals where to amuse the masses with his creative genius.
When Joe talked about recycling and how it wasn't like they'd had a spare planet lying somewhere around, David burst with pride and affection.
David was honest enough to admit that for him the best part of Joe's capacity to love was when it was directed at him.
Easily bored.
Joe tended to be happy when he had something to read or write or was with his kids or was... occupied. He was horribly bad at doing nothing, whereas David could easily kill hours surfing or zapping through any channel known to mankind.
When Joe was bored, he became whiny. Which was cute for a minute and then became incredibly annoying. However when David didn't have to work and the kids weren't at home, Joe would come and look over David's shoulder and begin to touch him casually. He'd ask questions about what David did, until David had enough and turned to him. "You're bored, right?" Joe would look at the ceiling as if he'd have to think about it and then say, "Maybe." And then David would pull him down for a kiss and then drag him into their bedroom.
Occupying Joe when he was bored was a cross he had to bear, but truthfully David didn't mind most of the time.
Intelligent.
It had taken a while for David to realize just how intelligent Joe was. Of course he knew that he wasn't dumb, but between Joe's technophobia and his feeling too misinformed by the general media to be able to fully grasp certain issues it somehow had never really entered David's consciousness.
But at some point he noticed that their older kids never came to David anymore to ask for help with their homework. When he asked Truman if he should look over something for him, he got the answer, "No, it's all right. I'll ask, Dad. I'll need someone who actually understands this stuff."
David might have been insulted, if he hadn't faked his way through high school. He'd always felt that his time was better spent on things that really mattered to him.
Later that day, he asked Joe if he'd just looked up enough to give his kids pointers or if he actually knew what he was doing. Joe had looked at him and laughed. "What? You don't know this stuff?"
Well. As long as he didn't think of David as stupid.
Fussy.
Joe could be extremely fussy about his writing. David had seen how he'd fought over nuances in his performance of Sheppard, but it had been nothing to his writing. Joe could spend hours on his desk editing only a few sentences until they sounded exactly the way he felt was right.
Generally, perfectionism was something that David admired, but there was a point when it became impractical.
For now though it was just a hobby and Joe looked so pleased when he finally finished something to his satisfaction that David didn't have it in him to tell him that in the real world, people would tear his script apart because they'd like the first ad break a minute earlier and also this character should be sexier and that character funnier.
Seldom shows emotions.
Whenever Joe told people that used to be shy when he was younger, but felt much more open towards people now, David mentally rolled his eyes. Because while he could talk to a room full of strangers without problems now and was even publicly affectionate with David (to a degree), Joe simply wasn't a person who easily showed what he felt.
When they'd first started having sex, David had tried to play it more casual than he'd felt about it, simply because he thought it was how Joe felt about it. Sure, he'd seemed guilty and kept saying that they shouldn't do this, but David had to admit that he had thought half of that had been theatrics until he realized the truth.
It hadn't just been the usual "I normally don't do this". For Joe it really was "I've never done this in my life". Eventually, after Joe broke up with him and came back for the first time he finally realized that Joe actually loved him.
Early in their relationship after this realization, David had resented Joe's reservation, but the longer they'd been together the more he'd come to terms with it. Now, when Joe was affectionate or told him that he loved him it just meant so much more.
Family oriented.
It had taken about ten minutes of talking to Joe to know without a doubt that he was a family man. He was the kind of guy who proudly wore his wedding ring and loved to talk about his kids. David hadn't minded. He wanted a family himself and he thought it was admirable in this industry to be married long enough to have two kids.
However even back then, when he'd first met Joe, a small part of him had felt uncomfortable about Joe's 'marriedness'.
Later, Joe's dedication to family meant that it was just so much harder for him to betray them. That time in their lives had been difficult for both of them, but more so for Joe. He remembered how the producers had complained when Joe had once again forgotten to take of his wedding ring, so he'd stopped wearing it. David knew that it hadn't been about the danger of it appearing on screen and it had been then that he'd first felt that what they had, insane and wrong as it was, might last.
Now, Joe's sense of family was a minor to major annoyance. He loved to have family around. So did David, because he loved his family. Just not all at once. For their wedding they'd simply taken the kids and flown to Reno once Aidan had hinted that he might possibly still speak to his father even if he re-married.
However that meant that when they adopted their daughter soon after that, the party to welcome her to the family doubled as a wedding celebration and everyone needed to be invited and actually felt they should show up.
While David's main goal for two days was to simply survive, Joe was completely in his element and practically floating around the house. He was being a good host, a good dad, a good son, a good brother, a good brother-in-law, a good son-in-law, a good ex-son-in-law (because, yes, he'd invited his ex-wife's father), a good ex-husband, a good step-father, a good uncle, a good cousin, a good nephew.
He'd reveled in having all of their family around, except that he forgot that he was a husband, too. During those two days, Joe only spoke to him when he looked for something or wanted to know where to put something. It was the first time that David had felt married.
He was happy to have Joe back after that, but in the back of his mind there was the feeling that Joe really needed more than just David to be happy and he felt... almost jealous.
Then he remembered that Joe had left his wife without asking anyone or telling them beforehand. He hadn't known what they'd think of him, if they'd still love him and he'd still done it. For David.
For someone like Joe doing what he'd done had been an enormous risk. David had no reason at all to be jealous, because in the end Joe had made his choice and the family that he couldn't live without had been David.
Takes time to recover when hurt.
When Joe had broken up with him for the second time, David had reacted badly.
The first time he thought Joe had meant it and that screwing around with a co-star was not worth the guilt that felt when cheating on his wife. David had understood it. Back then he'd thought that what he did with David was just following an urge he'd long suppressed.
The second time he knew what this meant to Joe. They'd never said the words, but Joe loved him and what was happening between them was beyond their control. But Joe couldn't admit it and it infuriated David, because he knew that Joe would come back to him eventually and breaking up with David - again - was just hurting both of them.
"You know, pretending that you can just walk away from this, because, let me think, we're just fucking, won't make it true."
Joe had stared at him, coldly.
"If I could pretend this was just fucking, we'd never be here. You know that I- I just can't do this, David."
"You can and you have and you will again and you know it," David had shouted back angrily.
"What I know is that this is killing me."
David had rolled his eyes. "Oh wow, soap opera, here we go. Close up on Flanigan. After the break, will he or will he not break down and tearfully confess to his wi-"
"You fucking asshole! Just because you don't give a damn about Jane, doe-"
"What do you know about it? You keep talking about how guilty you feel and how wrong it is, but you're not one bit better than I am, not one bit. Fuck you, Joe. I wanted to marry her."
"Then why don't you do that? We're finished."
They hadn't talked for a while after that. David had regretted his words that same night, but Joe had ignored any attempts by him to talk.
Their fight didn't go unnoticed of course. So David had cornered him and told him that they'd have to find a way to at least be civilized when working together. Joe had only nodded.
After that he'd talked to David again, but it had been almost as bad as not talking at all. For the benefit of the others they looked as if they'd gotten past their issues, but every time Joe had looked at him David had known that he hadn't forgotten and certainly not forgiven.
He hadn't known how to say he was sorry. And Joe had to know that he hadn't meant it. David had tried to convey without words what he felt but couldn't say, but it had taken some time until they had settled back into the way things were before they had first kissed.
When Joe had come to him one night and not said a word, David had let him in and led him to the bedroom. They'd gone slow, been careful, as if a wrong move could break them. He'd taken Joe inside and afterwards they'd lain together and just looked at each other.
"It was never just fucking for me," Joe had said and David couldn't believe that he thought he had to say it.
"I know." He'd moved his hand into Joe's soft hair.
The weeks before had been some of the worst of his life. Not seeing Joe was bad enough, but not knowing when they'd be together again, if at all, was something he never wanted to go through again. As horrible as their situation was, he knew that apart it would simply be worse.
He looked at Joe for a long moment. Despite everything, in that moment he felt that Joe was the love of his life. And he wanted to put it into words at least once.
"I love you."
Joe hadn't answered in kind. But he'd leaned forward and kissed David. He'd known he'd been forgiven, then.
Sensitive.
David sometimes thought that Joe was too sensitive. He could have saved himself and by extension David much pain if he'd been a bit more hardhearted. David always felt there was no point in crying over things that couldn't be changed. Although Joe hardly ever cried.
And the only time that Joe had really lost it, David hadn't been with him.
Joe had called an afternoon after they'd parted after attending a con together. He'd only said David's name and then nothing else had come out until David had realized that Joe was crying so hard that he couldn't speak.
His own throat had constricted because he'd been sure something must have happened to Joe's kids. But it hadn't been that. David had stayed on the phone, not saying anything, just being there for Joe until Joe had calmed down enough to say three words.
"I left her."
David had been too stunned to say anything and eventually Joe had hung up.
Down-to-Earth.
Joe was a pretty down-to-earth guy. He liked to buy the newest gadgets but it wasn't about the technology behind it, it was about pressing buttons and cool things happening. In gadgets as well as generally he liked things simple.
His idea of a perfect vacation was camping. When they were still having an affair David hadn't minded an afternoon in a hut and if Joe could stay the night that was wonderful. But then they'd mostly spent those hours in bed.
After they'd moved in together and could officially take vacations together and those vacations lasted longer than 18 hours David realized that he really preferred vacations with a bed, a bath and room service. This fact was only made more apparent because they no longer needed to cram as much sex and general togetherness into their vacations.
David really didn't want to put a damper on Joe's spirits, so he had tried not to complain too much, but when Katherine had brought over the boys soon after their vacation and Joe had mentioned it, her eyes had widened and she had looked at David and smiled full of pity and commiseration.
"You've been through that, too?" David asked.
And she'd said, "Oh, no, once was enough. After that first time, I told him, he was welcome to hunt and gather as much as he wants to, as long as he leaves me out of it."
David had turned to Joe and glared at him.
Joe probably would have glared at Katherine, if he hadn't still been at a stage where he was happy that she agreed to set foot in their home.
As it was, David had told Joe, "What she said." But they'd been able to work out a compromise. So instead of full out tents and campfires it was back to huts with a bed, amenities and broadband connection.
Stubborn.
Joe's stubbornness could infuriate David. The fact that he could be stubborn himself didn't make it any better. They'd learned to deal with it, learned to compromise, to say sorry, to give in. But it had taken a while to get to that point and once they had divorced their wives and moved in together there just had been almost a necessity to make it work.
Before it had been more difficult. Of course the situations itself had been hell. But in retrospect David felt that they probably could have handled it better if they'd just talked about it more and been open instead of keeping things bottled up until they trickled through in biting remarks.
The thing that David had hated the most about that time in their life wasn't that he had to lie to Jane constantly. It had made him feel bad and he knew that it was wrong, but he also knew he wouldn't stop, so he just accepted what he did.
Joe on the other hand had stubbornly kept on behaving like a saint who'd never cheat. Almost every time it had been as if he'd done it for the first time and couldn't understand how it had happened. The sentiment of "Oh God, what have I done?" soon grated on David, because really how many times did he have to suck David's cock or take it up the ass to realize that, yes, in fact he was the kind of guy who cheated on his wife.
Of course, ultimately David had been wrong.
He'd been prepared to spend the rest of their lives like this: Living with their families and meeting each other at conventions, weekends at the hut and whenever they could steal an hour or more together in a hotel or wherever they could be together. Cheating and lying.
But Joe was the kind of guy who never cheated. And since he couldn't stop being with David, he'd had to stop it from being cheating. So stubborn was he.
Loves being in long relationships.
David knew that when Joe had married Katherine there had been no doubt in his mind that it would last forever. It wasn't just the "Oh, we're so in love, it will always be like this. We're meant to be" kind of thing. It was the complete and utter believe that he would never ever leave his wife.
David hadn't felt like that about his first marriage. And his second... he never should have married Jane. He would never regret having his sons, but marrying Jane had been a mistake, because he'd only done it because he thought that Joe would never leave his wife.
Joe didn't think in terms of now, he thought in terms of grandchildren and sitting together in the retirement home. And that image had long since been occupied by his growing family, so David had accepted that he'd always be "the other man", if such a term existed for guys.
For six years they'd had a on again off again relationship until Joe had stopped fighting that they belonged together in one way or another. David would like to credit himself for that, for keeping their relationship going and for believing in it, but truthfully Joe had done so much more.
Joe had come back to him, after ending it, four times. David really only ever knew in retrospect what it must have cost Joe and that compared to him David had really only followed a fancy. But more than coming back and eventually staying with David after realizing that it wouldn't stop no matter how hard he tried, Joe had done the impossible.
He'd done the scariest thing in his life and he'd done it completely alone. He'd taken a leap of faith, not knowing if he'd sprout wings and fly or crash and die. And even years later David still couldn't quite believe that Joe had done it for him.
His gratitude for making their life possible could not be put into words. So he tried to put it into actions, every day. Joe had given him happiness and in return David had vowed to himself to try and make it last for as long as Joe wanted.
And he knew Joe was a forever kind of guy.