Fic: Iron & Irony: Second Encounters, chapter 2/10
Title: Iron & Irony: Second Encounters
Author: Veldeia
Fandom: Iron Man/House MD
Series: Sequel to Iron & Irony. (Has nothing whatsoever to do with Malt & Mockery, but even if it did, M & M would take place sometime after this fic.)
Spoilers: Late season 4 for House, but before the finale, so nothing big. Spoils all of Iron Man and Iron & Irony, of course.
Pairings: Tony/Pepper
Rating: PG-13
Beta: btsxbeta <3
Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing, except for a messed up mind that likes playing with other people's characters and universes.
Summary: Working for an armored superhero is a dangerous business - Pepper and House learn this the hard way. Of course, the hero's part isn't a whole lot easier, either, nor is that of his best friend.
2. "What's going on?"
At 9 AM, Tony decided it was official: Pepper wasn't just late, she was missing. According to Jarvis, she hadn't shown up at the mansion or the office since he'd left the country, the day before yesterday.
Tony figured he'd better look into this some more on his own before going to the authorities. On the one hand, there might be an entirely natural explanation to this and he could be overreacting, on the other there was always the chance that this was Iron Man stuff. If that was the case, he'd be better off calling S.H.I.E.L.D. instead of the cops.
The first call he made was the obvious one, though. He called Pepper once more. He wasn't expecting anything, but still, every time the phone rang with no answer made him feel a tiny bit more anxious. Then, someone answered.
"Good morning, this is Leanne from Los Angeles International Airport. You wouldn't happen to know the owner of this phone?"
"Yes! You probably got my name from the caller ID already, so -"
"Mr. Stark? Really?"
"No, it's one of those celebrity prank call things."
"Oh, all right, I..."
"You've never heard of sarcasm, have you? Of course it's really me. The smartphone you're currently holding belongs to my personal assistant. Where did you find it?"
The cheerful alto voice at the other end of the phone suddenly sounded a lot more nervous when the girl spoke again. "Oh, my, I'm actually talking to Tony Stark... Let's see... Uh... One of our maintenance workers found the phone in a trash can yesterday -"
"Okay, wait, that's enough," Tony interrupted her. "I'm coming over there myself. Don't let anyone touch that phone, and find the maintenance guy for me. I'll be there before you can blink. Just give me your exact location."
As soon as the girl had managed to stutter the directions, Tony hung up on her. Suit or car, then, was the next big question. Suit, he decided. It was nine o'clock in the morning, after all, and he might get stuck in the commuter traffic if he drove.
"Sir, I would advise against it," Jarvis complained, when Tony walked over to the platform to suit up. "First of all, it will draw an unwanted amount of attention. Secondly, you've only slept a few hours, and judging from when you last had a drink, there's still alcohol in your bloodstream."
"So, obviously I can't drive, that would be DUI and illegal. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure there's no law against flying around in high-tech armor when hung over."
"There isn't. However, skiing while under the influence is prohibited in Wyoming."
"Huh? All right, that does it, I seriously need to do something about your humor - but it'll have to wait. Pepper could be in trouble. I'm going."
It wasn't as if Jarvis could've stopped him anyway. He got into the suit and took off.
The maintenance worker who had found the Blackberry proved to be an extremely edgy teenager named Ned. Facing Iron Man probably didn't make him any less nervous. He pointed at a standard trash can in some random hallway, and stuttered, "Th-there it is, it was in there."
"And it didn't occur to your underdeveloped, underage brain to go through the rest of the stuff, in case there were more misplaced belongings in there?"
"S-sorry, Mr. Stark, sir, n-no, I was just doing my job, and..."
"Whatever. Forget it. Expect to be contacted about this later," Tony said, scaring the hell out of the poor kid, and headed to the lost and found office to pick up Pepper's Blackberry. He placed it in a sample bag, even though the hopes of actually finding any fingerprints or other useful evidence on it were practically nonexistent.
He couldn't think of any circumstances that could possibly make her dump her phone like that. The more he considered it, the more convinced he got that this could be nothing other than a kidnapping. He was also certain that it was all his fault. They had lured him away from home so he wouldn't be around to stop them from taking her, whoever they were. That being the case, bringing in the regular police and making a big noise about this would probably be a bad move. Instead, he took off and headed towards the local S.H.I.E.L.D. office.
He had just left the airport behind, when he got the day's first phone call. It was Happy.
"What?" Tony answered irritably.
"Good morning, boss! Did Jarvis forget your wake-up call?"
"I'm wide awake. I'm in the suit, flying over L.A."
"Huh? What for? I was supposed to pick you up at eleven for the meeting with R & D!"
"Oh, I had a meeting scheduled? Well, I'm not going. Cancel it."
"Me? I can't do that, it's Pepper's job."
"Which is exactly why I need you to cancel it. She's missing. If you can't do it, then find someone who can. Clear my entire schedule for today."
"Pepper's... Oh, no! But Tony -"
"No buts, Happy. This is more important than anything else. Don't call me again unless it's something absolutely cataclysmic."
"Sure thing, boss," Happy said, sounding decidedly unhappy. "And be sure to call me if there's anything I can do to help."
Tony knew he was being even more difficult to everyone than usual. Considering how difficult he normally was, that probably made him pretty much impossible, but it was unavoidable. Things would turn into a complete mess unless they found Pepper soon. There was no way he was going to keep up his scheduled meetings as long as she was missing - it was a fact that he completely sucked at that sort of stuff. Then again, right now, he couldn't have cared less about company affairs. There was only room for one thing in his mind: he would never, ever forgive himself if anything bad had happened to Pepper.
The first thing House noticed once he woke up was that he was in a plane. He didn't even need to open his eyes to figure it out. There were plenty of little signs: the way his ears felt, the slight vibration of the floor, the familiar sounds. A plane. That ruled out both ex-patients and over-eager cops, leaving - what? Government organizations or terrorists? Why would either of those want to kidnap him? Unless...
House opened his eyes and got instant confirmation for his guess. Right in front of him, lying on the metallic floor, apparently unconscious, was Tony Stark's secretary. Miss Potter, or Pitt, or something like that - he hadn't bothered to learn the name.
The kidnappers, whoever they were, hadn't been after Gregory House, M.D., Head of the Department of Diagnostic Medicine at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. They had wanted Gregory House, M.D., the medical advisor of Iron Man. Kind of cool, but at the moment, House wasn't sure he could appreciate it.
Looking at the surroundings, he could be one-hundred-percent certain that he and Miss P-whatever were in an airplane. The curve of the ceiling was a dead giveaway. Then again, the rest of the room didn't quite add up. It was a small compartment, maybe ten feet across, between two metal walls intersecting the hull of the plane. There was a door in the wall in front of him, but it would be locked, there was no doubt about that.
He sat up. It seemed unlikely that the inhalational stuff they'd knocked him out with could've kept him unconscious for long. He rolled up his sleeves, and sure enough, there was a barely noticeable needle mark in his left arm. He grimaced. Well, at least whatever they had given him didn't seem to come with any significant after-effects, nothing but a mild headache and slight nausea.
Considering how sore he felt, he had probably been out for a good while. He didn't have his watch anymore. As he checked his pockets, he found out that he didn't have anything else, either. They had taken everything but his clothes. Everything, including his Vicodin. Damn. His thigh twinged at the very thought. Now that he considered it, maybe the headache and nausea had nothing to do with the mysterious knockout gas or the unknown IV sedative, after all.
He stood up leaning on the nearest wall, and made his way to the door. No surprise there: it was locked. He banged on it and shouted "Hey! Bad guys! You'll be in so much trouble for this!" but there was no answer.
He sat down again and waited, staring at the unconscious assistant girl. Her short skirt made her legs look unnaturally long. She was quite pretty, with her red hair and freckles - cute and unusual. House could see why Stark was so smitten with her.
Nothing happened. His thigh ached. He was bored.
Finally, he just couldn't ignore her continuing unconsciousness any longer. Kidnapped or not, House never got away from patients. Sighing in resignation, he moved closer to check her vitals. Nothing interesting there.
"Hey, you! Wake up!" he called out, but she slept on.
He grabbed her shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze.
The effect was instantaneous: she screamed "Heeelp!" in an absolutely ear-splitting voice, her arms flailing wildly. Before House could get out of the way, her hand collided with his face.
He fell back, holding his stinging cheek. "Nice reflexes," he noted. "Next time, hit me a bit harder and it might make me forget about my leg."
She looked all awake and more-or-less alert now. She sat up and stared at him with huge bewildered eyes, like the proverbial deer. It wasn't the only deer-like thing about her, either, since there was also the way she sat on her long legs, which were crossed beneath her in a pretty uncomfortable-looking position - like Bambi on ice.
"House?" she said, sounding as stupefied as she looked. "What's going on? Where am I?"
"Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing. I figured you'd be a real expert on kidnappings. You're Iron Man's girlfriend, after all. This sort of stuff must happen to you all the time."
The first thing Kutner, Taub and Thirteen noticed when they arrived at House's place was that his car was parked right in front of the door. It made it seem likely that he was at home. At least he hadn't gotten into a car crash or anything like that. They stepped into the hallway, a small space with doors to two apartments and a set of mailboxes.
"House? House! Are you in there?" Kutner yelled, knocking hard on House's front door.
There was no answer, not even an angry "go away".
"House! Open the door or we'll break in," Taub tried. Still nothing.
"Maybe he's fast asleep, or unconscious," Thirteen said.
"Maybe he's just ignoring us because he doesn't believe we'd really break in," Kutner suggested.
"Hah! He knows we're ready to do anything, that's why he hired us in the first place," Taub said. He measured the door with his gaze, looking thoughtful. "All right, who's going to actually do this?"
"I am," Thirteen answered, jingling a set of keys in front of his nose. "I borrowed them from Wilson." She put the key in the lock and shouted, "House, you better put some clothes on, we're coming in."
She opened the door to reveal a silent, empty living room.
"House? House!" Kutner called out.
He took a few steps into the room and looked around. The place was actually less messy than he would've expected, and the furniture was pretty expensive-looking. On the other hand, the collections of books, CDs and medical publications were exactly like he had imagined, as was the small grand piano, which had an empty bottle of whiskey sitting on top of it.
"His cane isn't here," Taub noted. "So, either he never got back from the bar, or if he did, he's left again."
"Since his car was right there, and Wilson said he was driving last Saturday, it seems he did return," Thirteen said. "He came back, and now he's gone somewhere, by bus or cab."
"Or maybe he took his bike," Taub suggested. "He's got one, right?"
"Yeah. But I think we'd better check out the place anyway, now that we're here. Maybe we'll find some clues," Kutner said.
They made a quick round through all the rooms. There was no sign of anything unusual. The bed wasn't made, the sheets were tangled, but of course, that didn't have to mean that House had slept there last night - it just meant that he hadn't bothered to make his bed whenever he'd gotten up the last time. The same went for the mess in the kitchen. It could've been from this morning, or from yesterday, or the day before.
This was a lot harder than what they normally did. When they went to a patient's place, they usually had some idea of what they were looking for. If they suspected a poisoning, they'd look for poisonous substances that could explain the symptoms. An infection? They'd look for the possible source. But a mysteriously missing House?
They came out empty-handed, and returned to the hallway.
"I don't get it," Thirteen said, frowning. "Why hasn't he told anyone where he's gone, and why isn't he answering his phone? It's like he's just decided to disappear!"
"Maybe he was kidnapped," Kutner said.
The two others stared at him like he had gone nuts.
"Why would anyone want to kidnap him?" Thirteen asked.
"No one in their right minds would," Taub said. "He'd drive them crazy!"
"Maybe it has something to do with Iron Man."
"Come on, Kutner, you don't really believe that stuff about House being Stark's advisor, do you?" Taub asked.
"Why not? It's entirely possible! Anyway, shouldn't we call the police?" Kutner said, his fingers already gripping the cell phone in his pocket.
Taub still looked extremely skeptical. "Call Cuddy, she can decide what to do. Let's get back to the hospital."
They left the building. Thirteen produced a set of car keys, and went to check House's car, while Kutner dialed Cuddy and told her about what they had, or rather, hadn't found.
Without warning, Thirteen leaped away from the car and turned to face Kutner and Taub. "I found something!" she exclaimed, a piece of paper in her hand and a look of shock and disbelief on her face.
"Sorry, wait a second, something's come up," Kutner said on the phone, and lifted it off his ear. "What's that?"
"You were right. He was kidnapped," she declared.
She offered the note to Taub and Kutner. Kutner grabbed it and turned it around in his hand. It was a standard grocery store receipt. On the backside, there were a few hastily scribbled words in the familiar handwriting they saw on the whiteboard every day.
If you find this and I'm not around,
I've either been kidnapped,
or I've lost my mind.
Quit staring and do something.
-House
"I figured you'd be a real expert on kidnappings. You're Iron Man's girlfriend, after all. This sort of stuff must happen to you all the time."
"I'm not his girlfriend!" Pepper protested, just a tad too quickly. She was sure it'd be more than enough to tell House how she actually felt.
"The tabloids say differently."
"The tabloids have been speculating about us for years," she said, doing her best to sound casual.
"Whatever happened to 'Oh sweet darling Tony, you're like an arc reactor to me'?"
"How can you..." Pepper felt face flush. How could House possibly know about that? She'd said it to Tony in the hospital, when he had been lying on what might've ended up being his deathbed. There had been no one in the room but the two of them. Then again, if she remembered correctly, House had left just before they'd had that conversation. "You were eavesdropping on us?!"
"He was a patient, it could've been medically relevant. Anyway, does this mean that you have no idea of why we're here, wherever here is?"
She couldn't believe it. How could he! She wanted to hit him again, wanted to scream and shout at him for being such a total jerk, but she knew that wouldn't get them anywhere - House was so inconsiderate that nothing she could say would make him regret what he'd done. He was probably right to change the subject. They had both been kidnapped, they were both stuck in this small metal-walled compartment in a plane headed who knew where, and there were more important matters at hand than something that had been said or done a month ago.
She settled for giving him the iciest glance she could manage, and answered, "No, I don't. Three thugs appeared from out of nowhere and grabbed me, just like that."
"They had probably been stalking you for days and you just failed to notice."
Was that possible? She didn't think she could've been so blind. She had had her share of trouble with paparazzi and the like, after all, and she hadn't noticed anything out of the usual lately. "You think they stalked you?"
"I know they did, and they were damn good at it, probably professionals. You sure you don't have any idea of who they were?"
She shook her head. "It was dark and they were hooded. Tony's made a lot of enemies since he became Iron Man, there's no telling who sent them, or why."
"'Why' is an easy question to answer. Either to get information from us, or to use us as bait to get to him. I'm betting on the first one, because I'm here. He wouldn't risk a single hair from his ridiculous goatee to save me, but I do know a thing or two about his suit, thanks to being his personal physician. You know we tried to keep it a low profile job - I had no intention of painting a target on myself - but seems we weren't careful enough."
"I always knew that something like this could happen, but now that it's happened..." she shook her head. "I can't believe we're really here. This feels too much like a bad dream."
"I often have that effect on people."
"Oh, that's why you avoid seeing patients?"
"Yes, it's all for their own good. I'm really full of compassion and love, it's just that no one understands me."
Despite the gloomy circumstances, Pepper smirked at that one. "You're almost as bad as Tony."
"Ouch! 'Almost as bad?' That's insulting!"
"I'm amazed the two of you haven't ended up strangling each other yet."
"That's because we haven't actually met face-to-face since the two of you left the hospital. I'm pretty sure he's kept our relationship a long-distance one because he knows otherwise he'd end up testing his latest über-death-rays on me."
"Of course. All for your own good. As we both know, he's full of compassion and love, too."
"We're genuine hippies, Anthony and I. Flower power, peace and love. Except when someone takes away my Vicodin. That's when I become a complete monster. Which is about now," House said, his hand on his thigh.
Pepper wasn't sure what to say to that. She had actually noticed the slight but constant frown on House's face, the lines of pain on his forehead. The thugs had taken everything she'd had on her, so naturally they had taken everything he'd had, too. She didn't know the exact story behind his cane and limp, but she did know he was on continuous pain medication because of it.
"Are you -"
"No, I'm not all right, and not going to be, either," House answered the question before Pepper had time to finish it. "My leg's killing me, and unless I magically manage to get my hands on some hydrocodone soon, I'll start going through a nice set of withdrawal symptoms on top of that. I can promise it won't be pretty."
Chapter 3
Author: Veldeia
Fandom: Iron Man/House MD
Series: Sequel to Iron & Irony. (Has nothing whatsoever to do with Malt & Mockery, but even if it did, M & M would take place sometime after this fic.)
Spoilers: Late season 4 for House, but before the finale, so nothing big. Spoils all of Iron Man and Iron & Irony, of course.
Pairings: Tony/Pepper
Rating: PG-13
Beta: btsxbeta <3
Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing, except for a messed up mind that likes playing with other people's characters and universes.
Summary: Working for an armored superhero is a dangerous business - Pepper and House learn this the hard way. Of course, the hero's part isn't a whole lot easier, either, nor is that of his best friend.
2. "What's going on?"
At 9 AM, Tony decided it was official: Pepper wasn't just late, she was missing. According to Jarvis, she hadn't shown up at the mansion or the office since he'd left the country, the day before yesterday.
Tony figured he'd better look into this some more on his own before going to the authorities. On the one hand, there might be an entirely natural explanation to this and he could be overreacting, on the other there was always the chance that this was Iron Man stuff. If that was the case, he'd be better off calling S.H.I.E.L.D. instead of the cops.
The first call he made was the obvious one, though. He called Pepper once more. He wasn't expecting anything, but still, every time the phone rang with no answer made him feel a tiny bit more anxious. Then, someone answered.
"Good morning, this is Leanne from Los Angeles International Airport. You wouldn't happen to know the owner of this phone?"
"Yes! You probably got my name from the caller ID already, so -"
"Mr. Stark? Really?"
"No, it's one of those celebrity prank call things."
"Oh, all right, I..."
"You've never heard of sarcasm, have you? Of course it's really me. The smartphone you're currently holding belongs to my personal assistant. Where did you find it?"
The cheerful alto voice at the other end of the phone suddenly sounded a lot more nervous when the girl spoke again. "Oh, my, I'm actually talking to Tony Stark... Let's see... Uh... One of our maintenance workers found the phone in a trash can yesterday -"
"Okay, wait, that's enough," Tony interrupted her. "I'm coming over there myself. Don't let anyone touch that phone, and find the maintenance guy for me. I'll be there before you can blink. Just give me your exact location."
As soon as the girl had managed to stutter the directions, Tony hung up on her. Suit or car, then, was the next big question. Suit, he decided. It was nine o'clock in the morning, after all, and he might get stuck in the commuter traffic if he drove.
"Sir, I would advise against it," Jarvis complained, when Tony walked over to the platform to suit up. "First of all, it will draw an unwanted amount of attention. Secondly, you've only slept a few hours, and judging from when you last had a drink, there's still alcohol in your bloodstream."
"So, obviously I can't drive, that would be DUI and illegal. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure there's no law against flying around in high-tech armor when hung over."
"There isn't. However, skiing while under the influence is prohibited in Wyoming."
"Huh? All right, that does it, I seriously need to do something about your humor - but it'll have to wait. Pepper could be in trouble. I'm going."
It wasn't as if Jarvis could've stopped him anyway. He got into the suit and took off.
The maintenance worker who had found the Blackberry proved to be an extremely edgy teenager named Ned. Facing Iron Man probably didn't make him any less nervous. He pointed at a standard trash can in some random hallway, and stuttered, "Th-there it is, it was in there."
"And it didn't occur to your underdeveloped, underage brain to go through the rest of the stuff, in case there were more misplaced belongings in there?"
"S-sorry, Mr. Stark, sir, n-no, I was just doing my job, and..."
"Whatever. Forget it. Expect to be contacted about this later," Tony said, scaring the hell out of the poor kid, and headed to the lost and found office to pick up Pepper's Blackberry. He placed it in a sample bag, even though the hopes of actually finding any fingerprints or other useful evidence on it were practically nonexistent.
He couldn't think of any circumstances that could possibly make her dump her phone like that. The more he considered it, the more convinced he got that this could be nothing other than a kidnapping. He was also certain that it was all his fault. They had lured him away from home so he wouldn't be around to stop them from taking her, whoever they were. That being the case, bringing in the regular police and making a big noise about this would probably be a bad move. Instead, he took off and headed towards the local S.H.I.E.L.D. office.
He had just left the airport behind, when he got the day's first phone call. It was Happy.
"What?" Tony answered irritably.
"Good morning, boss! Did Jarvis forget your wake-up call?"
"I'm wide awake. I'm in the suit, flying over L.A."
"Huh? What for? I was supposed to pick you up at eleven for the meeting with R & D!"
"Oh, I had a meeting scheduled? Well, I'm not going. Cancel it."
"Me? I can't do that, it's Pepper's job."
"Which is exactly why I need you to cancel it. She's missing. If you can't do it, then find someone who can. Clear my entire schedule for today."
"Pepper's... Oh, no! But Tony -"
"No buts, Happy. This is more important than anything else. Don't call me again unless it's something absolutely cataclysmic."
"Sure thing, boss," Happy said, sounding decidedly unhappy. "And be sure to call me if there's anything I can do to help."
Tony knew he was being even more difficult to everyone than usual. Considering how difficult he normally was, that probably made him pretty much impossible, but it was unavoidable. Things would turn into a complete mess unless they found Pepper soon. There was no way he was going to keep up his scheduled meetings as long as she was missing - it was a fact that he completely sucked at that sort of stuff. Then again, right now, he couldn't have cared less about company affairs. There was only room for one thing in his mind: he would never, ever forgive himself if anything bad had happened to Pepper.
The first thing House noticed once he woke up was that he was in a plane. He didn't even need to open his eyes to figure it out. There were plenty of little signs: the way his ears felt, the slight vibration of the floor, the familiar sounds. A plane. That ruled out both ex-patients and over-eager cops, leaving - what? Government organizations or terrorists? Why would either of those want to kidnap him? Unless...
House opened his eyes and got instant confirmation for his guess. Right in front of him, lying on the metallic floor, apparently unconscious, was Tony Stark's secretary. Miss Potter, or Pitt, or something like that - he hadn't bothered to learn the name.
The kidnappers, whoever they were, hadn't been after Gregory House, M.D., Head of the Department of Diagnostic Medicine at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. They had wanted Gregory House, M.D., the medical advisor of Iron Man. Kind of cool, but at the moment, House wasn't sure he could appreciate it.
Looking at the surroundings, he could be one-hundred-percent certain that he and Miss P-whatever were in an airplane. The curve of the ceiling was a dead giveaway. Then again, the rest of the room didn't quite add up. It was a small compartment, maybe ten feet across, between two metal walls intersecting the hull of the plane. There was a door in the wall in front of him, but it would be locked, there was no doubt about that.
He sat up. It seemed unlikely that the inhalational stuff they'd knocked him out with could've kept him unconscious for long. He rolled up his sleeves, and sure enough, there was a barely noticeable needle mark in his left arm. He grimaced. Well, at least whatever they had given him didn't seem to come with any significant after-effects, nothing but a mild headache and slight nausea.
Considering how sore he felt, he had probably been out for a good while. He didn't have his watch anymore. As he checked his pockets, he found out that he didn't have anything else, either. They had taken everything but his clothes. Everything, including his Vicodin. Damn. His thigh twinged at the very thought. Now that he considered it, maybe the headache and nausea had nothing to do with the mysterious knockout gas or the unknown IV sedative, after all.
He stood up leaning on the nearest wall, and made his way to the door. No surprise there: it was locked. He banged on it and shouted "Hey! Bad guys! You'll be in so much trouble for this!" but there was no answer.
He sat down again and waited, staring at the unconscious assistant girl. Her short skirt made her legs look unnaturally long. She was quite pretty, with her red hair and freckles - cute and unusual. House could see why Stark was so smitten with her.
Nothing happened. His thigh ached. He was bored.
Finally, he just couldn't ignore her continuing unconsciousness any longer. Kidnapped or not, House never got away from patients. Sighing in resignation, he moved closer to check her vitals. Nothing interesting there.
"Hey, you! Wake up!" he called out, but she slept on.
He grabbed her shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze.
The effect was instantaneous: she screamed "Heeelp!" in an absolutely ear-splitting voice, her arms flailing wildly. Before House could get out of the way, her hand collided with his face.
He fell back, holding his stinging cheek. "Nice reflexes," he noted. "Next time, hit me a bit harder and it might make me forget about my leg."
She looked all awake and more-or-less alert now. She sat up and stared at him with huge bewildered eyes, like the proverbial deer. It wasn't the only deer-like thing about her, either, since there was also the way she sat on her long legs, which were crossed beneath her in a pretty uncomfortable-looking position - like Bambi on ice.
"House?" she said, sounding as stupefied as she looked. "What's going on? Where am I?"
"Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing. I figured you'd be a real expert on kidnappings. You're Iron Man's girlfriend, after all. This sort of stuff must happen to you all the time."
The first thing Kutner, Taub and Thirteen noticed when they arrived at House's place was that his car was parked right in front of the door. It made it seem likely that he was at home. At least he hadn't gotten into a car crash or anything like that. They stepped into the hallway, a small space with doors to two apartments and a set of mailboxes.
"House? House! Are you in there?" Kutner yelled, knocking hard on House's front door.
There was no answer, not even an angry "go away".
"House! Open the door or we'll break in," Taub tried. Still nothing.
"Maybe he's fast asleep, or unconscious," Thirteen said.
"Maybe he's just ignoring us because he doesn't believe we'd really break in," Kutner suggested.
"Hah! He knows we're ready to do anything, that's why he hired us in the first place," Taub said. He measured the door with his gaze, looking thoughtful. "All right, who's going to actually do this?"
"I am," Thirteen answered, jingling a set of keys in front of his nose. "I borrowed them from Wilson." She put the key in the lock and shouted, "House, you better put some clothes on, we're coming in."
She opened the door to reveal a silent, empty living room.
"House? House!" Kutner called out.
He took a few steps into the room and looked around. The place was actually less messy than he would've expected, and the furniture was pretty expensive-looking. On the other hand, the collections of books, CDs and medical publications were exactly like he had imagined, as was the small grand piano, which had an empty bottle of whiskey sitting on top of it.
"His cane isn't here," Taub noted. "So, either he never got back from the bar, or if he did, he's left again."
"Since his car was right there, and Wilson said he was driving last Saturday, it seems he did return," Thirteen said. "He came back, and now he's gone somewhere, by bus or cab."
"Or maybe he took his bike," Taub suggested. "He's got one, right?"
"Yeah. But I think we'd better check out the place anyway, now that we're here. Maybe we'll find some clues," Kutner said.
They made a quick round through all the rooms. There was no sign of anything unusual. The bed wasn't made, the sheets were tangled, but of course, that didn't have to mean that House had slept there last night - it just meant that he hadn't bothered to make his bed whenever he'd gotten up the last time. The same went for the mess in the kitchen. It could've been from this morning, or from yesterday, or the day before.
This was a lot harder than what they normally did. When they went to a patient's place, they usually had some idea of what they were looking for. If they suspected a poisoning, they'd look for poisonous substances that could explain the symptoms. An infection? They'd look for the possible source. But a mysteriously missing House?
They came out empty-handed, and returned to the hallway.
"I don't get it," Thirteen said, frowning. "Why hasn't he told anyone where he's gone, and why isn't he answering his phone? It's like he's just decided to disappear!"
"Maybe he was kidnapped," Kutner said.
The two others stared at him like he had gone nuts.
"Why would anyone want to kidnap him?" Thirteen asked.
"No one in their right minds would," Taub said. "He'd drive them crazy!"
"Maybe it has something to do with Iron Man."
"Come on, Kutner, you don't really believe that stuff about House being Stark's advisor, do you?" Taub asked.
"Why not? It's entirely possible! Anyway, shouldn't we call the police?" Kutner said, his fingers already gripping the cell phone in his pocket.
Taub still looked extremely skeptical. "Call Cuddy, she can decide what to do. Let's get back to the hospital."
They left the building. Thirteen produced a set of car keys, and went to check House's car, while Kutner dialed Cuddy and told her about what they had, or rather, hadn't found.
Without warning, Thirteen leaped away from the car and turned to face Kutner and Taub. "I found something!" she exclaimed, a piece of paper in her hand and a look of shock and disbelief on her face.
"Sorry, wait a second, something's come up," Kutner said on the phone, and lifted it off his ear. "What's that?"
"You were right. He was kidnapped," she declared.
She offered the note to Taub and Kutner. Kutner grabbed it and turned it around in his hand. It was a standard grocery store receipt. On the backside, there were a few hastily scribbled words in the familiar handwriting they saw on the whiteboard every day.
If you find this and I'm not around,
I've either been kidnapped,
or I've lost my mind.
Quit staring and do something.
-House
"I figured you'd be a real expert on kidnappings. You're Iron Man's girlfriend, after all. This sort of stuff must happen to you all the time."
"I'm not his girlfriend!" Pepper protested, just a tad too quickly. She was sure it'd be more than enough to tell House how she actually felt.
"The tabloids say differently."
"The tabloids have been speculating about us for years," she said, doing her best to sound casual.
"Whatever happened to 'Oh sweet darling Tony, you're like an arc reactor to me'?"
"How can you..." Pepper felt face flush. How could House possibly know about that? She'd said it to Tony in the hospital, when he had been lying on what might've ended up being his deathbed. There had been no one in the room but the two of them. Then again, if she remembered correctly, House had left just before they'd had that conversation. "You were eavesdropping on us?!"
"He was a patient, it could've been medically relevant. Anyway, does this mean that you have no idea of why we're here, wherever here is?"
She couldn't believe it. How could he! She wanted to hit him again, wanted to scream and shout at him for being such a total jerk, but she knew that wouldn't get them anywhere - House was so inconsiderate that nothing she could say would make him regret what he'd done. He was probably right to change the subject. They had both been kidnapped, they were both stuck in this small metal-walled compartment in a plane headed who knew where, and there were more important matters at hand than something that had been said or done a month ago.
She settled for giving him the iciest glance she could manage, and answered, "No, I don't. Three thugs appeared from out of nowhere and grabbed me, just like that."
"They had probably been stalking you for days and you just failed to notice."
Was that possible? She didn't think she could've been so blind. She had had her share of trouble with paparazzi and the like, after all, and she hadn't noticed anything out of the usual lately. "You think they stalked you?"
"I know they did, and they were damn good at it, probably professionals. You sure you don't have any idea of who they were?"
She shook her head. "It was dark and they were hooded. Tony's made a lot of enemies since he became Iron Man, there's no telling who sent them, or why."
"'Why' is an easy question to answer. Either to get information from us, or to use us as bait to get to him. I'm betting on the first one, because I'm here. He wouldn't risk a single hair from his ridiculous goatee to save me, but I do know a thing or two about his suit, thanks to being his personal physician. You know we tried to keep it a low profile job - I had no intention of painting a target on myself - but seems we weren't careful enough."
"I always knew that something like this could happen, but now that it's happened..." she shook her head. "I can't believe we're really here. This feels too much like a bad dream."
"I often have that effect on people."
"Oh, that's why you avoid seeing patients?"
"Yes, it's all for their own good. I'm really full of compassion and love, it's just that no one understands me."
Despite the gloomy circumstances, Pepper smirked at that one. "You're almost as bad as Tony."
"Ouch! 'Almost as bad?' That's insulting!"
"I'm amazed the two of you haven't ended up strangling each other yet."
"That's because we haven't actually met face-to-face since the two of you left the hospital. I'm pretty sure he's kept our relationship a long-distance one because he knows otherwise he'd end up testing his latest über-death-rays on me."
"Of course. All for your own good. As we both know, he's full of compassion and love, too."
"We're genuine hippies, Anthony and I. Flower power, peace and love. Except when someone takes away my Vicodin. That's when I become a complete monster. Which is about now," House said, his hand on his thigh.
Pepper wasn't sure what to say to that. She had actually noticed the slight but constant frown on House's face, the lines of pain on his forehead. The thugs had taken everything she'd had on her, so naturally they had taken everything he'd had, too. She didn't know the exact story behind his cane and limp, but she did know he was on continuous pain medication because of it.
"Are you -"
"No, I'm not all right, and not going to be, either," House answered the question before Pepper had time to finish it. "My leg's killing me, and unless I magically manage to get my hands on some hydrocodone soon, I'll start going through a nice set of withdrawal symptoms on top of that. I can promise it won't be pretty."
Chapter 3