The Darker Side of Success

[vconaway]

I'm not good at openness, at sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings. I very much feel that it's my role in life to act as an inspiration, to encourage by example other people to reach far beyond what I'll ever manage. But there's a dark side as well

Comments

[vconaway]

This post was inspired by an acquaintance who took her own life last week. I realized that I might be in a position to help others by sharing my own experiences, though it goes against my nature to talk about it (that stable relationship I mentioned in the post? She has no idea about any of this).

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts at least since I was six. The last serious attempt I contemplated was in 1997, and when I'm stressed about a decision I reassure myself that I'm already in the bonus round so there's less pressure than I feel.

[horsetraveller]

I'm sorry that you lost the person you know.

It's a hard thing to talk about and I think you're brave for posting it. It's impossible to know if other people feel the same way and are just not talking about it, or if no one else in the world feels the same way and you're the outlier. Especially if you hear other people talking like it's the most inconceivable thing they can ever imagine, and you think maybe everyone else but you thinks like that.

Maybe it's a helpful thing to say, "yes it's a thing that goes/has gone through my mind and it didn't mean I couldn't go on with my life."

[xiphia]

I'm sorry for your loss. Your new direction is pretty awesome, I'm glad you're finding and doing what inspires you.

[vconaway]

Thank you, I'm very glad you're enjoying it. I'm finding it fulfilling on several levels, and am still regularly inspired by new finds (last night I was going through PDFs of the first four Petrucci lute books, for example, squeeing at regular intervals).

[anonymous]

Hi Vince, this is Cat.

I remember a conversation we had once, where I asked you what you were going to do when you got older, and you said "I'all just die", and naturally I broke into tears.

The way you are is special, and frustrating and precious. I cried because you are an asset to beauty in all that you create. I am forever thankful for you.

[vconaway]

That is a truly beautiful sentiment to read, thank you. I treasure your presence in the world and in my life.