The evicted church

[vaneramos]

With free time this week, and finally back into a routine, I have been working with a passion on characterization for Pilgrim's Cross. Research has carried me into topics like fundamentalist churches, and the experiences of Native Canadian women.

I was pleased to discover Out On The Shelf has several books on the latter topic, including an erotic

Comments

[missprune]

I imagine that once the turmoil of dealing with all these issues has subsided, this writing will be a tremendous exorcism for you?

[vaneramos]

It already has been. When I wrote the first draft during NaNoWriMo several years ago, I did't want to grind an axe, just shed light on the devastating ex-gay experience. Back when, people around me were mostly kind-hearted and well-meaning, but their only source of ideas was the Bible. They were stupid about sexuality and the mortal danger of forcing a triangular peg into a square hole.

Afterward I was furious, of course, especially with myself for being such an ignorant bigot. Approaching the issue through fiction forced me to look at things from many different sides, and to have compassion for other people and even the judgmental coward I used to be.

That November was one intense month! A person can only take so much exorcism at once. After I realized the thing needed to be really written, it was too, too easy to set aside. About that, too, I must be patient.

[E, sorry for all the edits in your inbox.]

[missprune]

not to worry - I don't get comments etc in my inbox.

[inishglora]

"...forcing a triangular peg into a square hole" *blink* That's brilliant! Never thought of it that way.

[vaneramos]

Haha, neither had I. Just a flash of inspiration. :-)

[anonymous]

The stubborn, devout young woman of whom you speak bids you hello. Isn't it strange that we should both be perusing our past and come across the same article, and then I find you writing about me online. It is a strange experience when you become a voyeur to other's thoughts of you in a distant past.

Thank you Bill, for that is how I know you, for giving me a fair shake in this journal entry, and for thinking the same things I have thought in the past few days about the university's behaviour in this matter.

And if old friend, I have offended you or betrayed you, forgive me, for I have never forgotten you.

[vaneramos]

Very strange indeed. I'm glad you felt the shake was a fair one. I hope you understand the "clean break" I made at the time was a matter of survival. For a while I couldn't stand being around religious people at all, but that has changed. I wouldn't be able to write meaningfully about my experiences (or think about them, for that matter), if I had not developed new compassion for most of the people involved. Actual contact with people from the past still frightens me, but that seems to have come in merciful, manageable trickles. As for forgiveness, I have come to believe (but don't expect you to agree with me) we need it more from ourselves than anyone else. Be well.