Market encounter

[vaneramos]

Yesterday morning I went to farmers market seeking colour and sound. I don't mind crowds, but that one is always particularly pleasant. People go for more than the buying-to enjoy the community, sensual pleasures, and creativity of craftspeople. I invariably run into friends. Unfortunately the lady who sells Turkish delight was not there.

Banks of

Comments

[carytown]

Agreed, you have nothing to lose by offering friendship. Expectations aside, you never know what corner your life will turn. "Fucked up" is a very relative term. Don't let past or perception cloud the present.

[vaneramos]

The problem with those clouds is that we might not realize they're there. I have the benefit of some happiness and stability in my relationships now, and can act more out of generosity, which makes me realize how past decisions have been guided by defensiveness. It's interesting how perspectives change.

[rfmcdpei]

I hear you about the taking of risks and their difficulty. Think of it this way: What's the likelihood of the worst-case scenario, or anything close to it?

[vaneramos]

The worst-case scenario in the back of my mind is that someone will turn out to be a stalker, or otherwise emotionally abusive. Such things aren't outside the range of possibility. But the fact is, I've handled and survived such situations during periods of my life where I was much more isolated, ignorant and vulnerable than I am now.

[lichtgespinst]

i personally believe love is about taking risks, Van. Even if the other person is not taking the risk........and even if it looks like you are offering more than the other......
at least in my experience the risk you take and the openness you show and the love you allow yourself to feel and to give is what makes you rich and it has nothing to do with how the other one reacts or what the other one thinks.

[vaneramos]

That makes perfect sense. Some risks are not worth taking, of course, but on the other hand if we never take any we will end up very lonely indeed.

[ubermunkey]

In the past I've justified my reticence by telling myself I need to get my own life in order before attempting to engage with anyone, but that is probably bullshit.

I LOVED THIS LINE. Not to down play my feelings for you or Bill or Daniel, but good lord you hit it smack on. How much easier is it to be open to someone who doesn't get to see you at your worst, most vulnerable, most needy, most fucked up. That line above is so well put. Thanks for your honesty and love.

Love
Connor

[vaneramos]

We can't really heal in isolation, but times of solitude are necessary because we learn how to relate to others by also relating to ourselves. We do need time and space. The trick is knowing when to let down a boundary and allow someone else a little farther in.

Still, it's all about the journey, and we best enjoy the landscape rather than berate ourselves for not having arrived. We'll always be travelling somewhere.

Love,
Van