Sorrow

[vaneramos]

I have been reading about death. A strange time for this: a summer when I've been feeling more well and purposeful than I'm used to. But avoidance is the habit I wish to break, and isn't it better to address difficult matters of the soul from a position of strength?

From Mark Doty in Heaven's Coast:We trivialize pain if we regard it as a

Comments

[vaneramos]

You're welcome, Bruce. It occurs to me that your music says what you see, through your window on the world.

[eloquentwthrage]

I'm sorry if you found my words hurtful.

I can't even begin to comment on this post otherwise. I'll just leave it at that.

[vaneramos]

Well, not offended, but it was on my mind frequently this weekend. I can't even say I disagree 100 per cent, just doubt that it's a useful approach to take. Mostly I have healed myself, but some people have helped, and invariably they were ones who tried to empathize.

[eloquentwthrage]

They tried to empathize (and did) because, as bad as things got for you, you never took to living on the street or becoming addicted to drugs.

[vaneramos]

On second thoughts, maybe it is useful. In the case of the crack whore in the garden, it is not pragmatic for me to feel sorry for her or get emotionally involved. And people close to those addicted or mentally ill must realize they are not responsible for the ones behaving destructively, and set up clear boundaries in order to look after themselves. I have had to accept that about people who've distanced themselves from me at times.

But for myself, struggling to find my own source of strength and motivation, it has been essential to avoid distraction by my sense of dependency and helplessness. And anyone in a capacity or desire to help (no one can do it alone) must adopt the same affirmative stance.

[clairenolen]

what a wonderful experience, Van!! and thanks for sharing it with us here today...
death and dying in all it's shades and forms seem to be coming up for many of us right now. And i believe it's good. We need to embrace everything in order to grow and to heal.
great pic of Brenna!
I do hope you will see your girls soon again..:-)

[vaneramos]

Mia, knowing you and reading your journal has been a catalyst for me as I think about expressing my feelings more.

Doty also writes about a museum his father used to take him to. One wall was dedicated to dozens or perhaps hundreds of little doors. Opening one, you could look through a window into a large tree, revealing perhaps a nest or a few leaves. Through any single window you could not see the whole tree.

This reflects an idea I've held for a long time; why I believe so much in learning about and honouring other perspectives on the world, while doing my best to articulate my own. I want you to know how much I appreciate your outlook on things, and your expression of it.

[vaneramos]

Thanks for your comment. 9/11 had a profound spiritual effect on me, even though I didn't observe it firsthand and wasn't affected personally, so I can only imagine what it must have been like for you.

Life has been busy and I've been distracted from the questions that originally led me to look into your journal, but I'm still interested. I wonder if we might have a chance to meet in person this fall.

[moonkop]

I too was a flight attendant, and the thought of death was there. Yet we did not have the fears that exist now. I can fully understand your thinking about the subject of death etc under the circumstances. I guess we all do at times. Hi I am corry one of Van's friends (female)

[daisydumont]

very good post. i think i need to do something similar to what you did with the music, in order to zero in on grief and let it out. ours really isn't a culture that tolerates negative emotions. i was telling ted that just this morning, that italians tend to express themselves, while we tend to hold everything in. it's so destructive.

[vaneramos]

I can hardly turn a page of Doty's book without thinking of you, Vicki. I would encourage you to give yourself some spaces of open time and a framework (prayer? writing?) in which to process your feelings. In my new fall routine I hope to set aside time for meditation. I also intend to resume work on Pilgrim's Cross. Writing the first draft two Novembers ago was exciting and cathartic, although I set it aside because it was too intense. Now I'm convinced I need to face that intensity, go through it, and not let it deter me from the creative endeavour.

I watched my first Fellini film this afternoon with Danny: Roma. It was interesting witnessing Italian expressiveness from an Italian director's perspective. I need some of that, too.

[daisydumont]

yes, i think that's a good idea about a framework in which to process my feelings. i'll give it some consideration in the next few days.

"Roma" is something else. the ecclesiastical fashion show is still shocking, after all these years! i've tried adopting some of the italian temperament, but it doesn't come naturally. :)