(no subject)
I have a problem, kind fellows, and one whose solution is so tantalizingly close that the fact that it eludes my grasp even so is agony to me. It is my earnest hope that one among you may have it within you to aid me in solving it.
My legs are, in most respects, a twin pair of columns composed of rippling muscle of such definition and grace that Michelangelo's David would weep dry marble tears of bitter envy to look upon them. Perfection marred, however, is no perfection at all, and there is a flaw in each of them which needs be addressed before this can truly be called the best of all possible worlds.
My inner thighs, nearest that resplendant temple of manhood which is my groin, lack a certain amount of tone. My daily routines, though they have graced me otherwise with a duo of walking limbs unrivaled even in the imagination of poets and gods, have sadly failed to bequeath upon me a pair of thighs equal to the majesty otherwise to be found therein.
Plainly, this is an affront which cannot stand. How can any of you bear to live in a world where such a tragedy goes unaddressed? And so measures must be taken.
It seems to me, as I ply the mighty brain which bulges and pulsates with peerless intellect within my skull, that there is a device whose sole and express purpose it is to correct such affronts.
A device which is called a "Thigh Master."
I would be the master of my thighs, and have them bend knee in obediance before me, casting aside their childish rebellion, and if this device can be used as a sort of proxy for masterhood in this respect, then so be it, I say!
But where! Where is such a device to be had? Let it be known that I wish so greatly to own this contrivance of metal and foam that I would even exchange my own precious money in order to obtain it! Where, therefore, might I have the opportunity to do so? What establishment of business, what haven of commerce might I visit in order that such an exchange might take place?
I beg you, my friends and countrymen, let not this gross injustice continue. But tell me where this mechanism of mastery might be had, and know that you will have my genuine and lasting grattitude.
My legs are, in most respects, a twin pair of columns composed of rippling muscle of such definition and grace that Michelangelo's David would weep dry marble tears of bitter envy to look upon them. Perfection marred, however, is no perfection at all, and there is a flaw in each of them which needs be addressed before this can truly be called the best of all possible worlds.
My inner thighs, nearest that resplendant temple of manhood which is my groin, lack a certain amount of tone. My daily routines, though they have graced me otherwise with a duo of walking limbs unrivaled even in the imagination of poets and gods, have sadly failed to bequeath upon me a pair of thighs equal to the majesty otherwise to be found therein.
Plainly, this is an affront which cannot stand. How can any of you bear to live in a world where such a tragedy goes unaddressed? And so measures must be taken.
It seems to me, as I ply the mighty brain which bulges and pulsates with peerless intellect within my skull, that there is a device whose sole and express purpose it is to correct such affronts.
A device which is called a "Thigh Master."
I would be the master of my thighs, and have them bend knee in obediance before me, casting aside their childish rebellion, and if this device can be used as a sort of proxy for masterhood in this respect, then so be it, I say!
But where! Where is such a device to be had? Let it be known that I wish so greatly to own this contrivance of metal and foam that I would even exchange my own precious money in order to obtain it! Where, therefore, might I have the opportunity to do so? What establishment of business, what haven of commerce might I visit in order that such an exchange might take place?
I beg you, my friends and countrymen, let not this gross injustice continue. But tell me where this mechanism of mastery might be had, and know that you will have my genuine and lasting grattitude.