On the Running Away
Rating: G
Prompt: #086 - Choices
Claim: The Time War
Spoilers: None
Characters: Romana
Note: (I don't like it. It's crap.) It's been speculated a lot that Romana might have survived the same way the Master did. But I can't see her running away like that. Still, no-one said it was easy.
It’s heavier than she imagined.
She looks at the fob watch with something like hatred, something like longing. She doesn’t know who left it in her rooms. It is an offer, a choice, temptation as much as an insult. In the night she can hear it - tick tock - on the other side of the wall. How can it be so loud when it isn’t even in the same room?
But it is that silent now. The citadel is nearly empty.
She will not leave.
The watch is dangling from her fingers as she stops in front of the artificial lake. Moonlight dancing on the surface. There is no sound but her breathing and the obscene ticking of the watch. Such a stupid object, so anachronistic - it doesn’t even tell the Gallifreyan time, doesn’t count the right number of hours. She doesn’t want it.
Right here, right now, the world seems quiet, peaceful. She knows better: it is the calm before the storm. The few who stayed make enough noise for an army. It’s only those unable to admit defeat, yet not willing to leave and die for an impossible victory. Soon someone will come to her and demand another useless decision.
There are no more decisions to be made.
It’s over. She knows that. A few more days, and she refuses to leave. She knows her duty.
Tick tock, says the watch.
The temptation is still there, and she directs her anger at whoever has cursed her with it. There is nothing she can do here but die with her people. Would it be so bad to run? He’s doing it all the time. Would becoming human for one short life, postponing her death for a few decades be so much worse than dying here and now?
No. She knows her duty. When she accepted to be president she accepted the responsibility for her people. She can not save them, but she will stay here until the end. Even if they don’t want her.
She knows her place.
Tick tock, says the watch.
She will die with Gallifrey. She only doesn’t want to.
A life as a human. A life in which she would not know of her failure, and her cowardice.
And she would not die in fear. Rassilon, she is so afraid!
In moments like this, when there is noting to do but think and remember and face the inevitable, it hurts. She wants to scream. To run. Another temptation. She’s stronger than that.
All of this will be lost, everyone. It would be hard enough to face only her own end, like this, waiting and helpless, and regardless of the knowing better it is nearly impossible not to hope.
Her responsibility.
She wishes he was here now. She is glad he isn’t.
She wishes it was already over. Selfish.
Closing her eyes she listens to the silence - tick tock - well aware that this might well be her last peaceful moment, anyone’s last peaceful moment. It shouldn’t be wasted with anger, doubt and fear. She can’t stop being afraid, but she can let go of the anger and the doubt. At least she can try.
All this will be gone soon. Everyone she loves - she can’t protect them. For a moment she feels shame, desperation, for a moment she is only sad. Then she straightens her shoulders, raises her head and throws the watch into the lake.
The splash is much louder than the ticking. But it makes her smile.
Until the moment is gone.
September 14, 2007
Prompt: #086 - Choices
Claim: The Time War
Spoilers: None
Characters: Romana
Note: (I don't like it. It's crap.) It's been speculated a lot that Romana might have survived the same way the Master did. But I can't see her running away like that. Still, no-one said it was easy.
It’s heavier than she imagined.
She looks at the fob watch with something like hatred, something like longing. She doesn’t know who left it in her rooms. It is an offer, a choice, temptation as much as an insult. In the night she can hear it - tick tock - on the other side of the wall. How can it be so loud when it isn’t even in the same room?
But it is that silent now. The citadel is nearly empty.
She will not leave.
The watch is dangling from her fingers as she stops in front of the artificial lake. Moonlight dancing on the surface. There is no sound but her breathing and the obscene ticking of the watch. Such a stupid object, so anachronistic - it doesn’t even tell the Gallifreyan time, doesn’t count the right number of hours. She doesn’t want it.
Right here, right now, the world seems quiet, peaceful. She knows better: it is the calm before the storm. The few who stayed make enough noise for an army. It’s only those unable to admit defeat, yet not willing to leave and die for an impossible victory. Soon someone will come to her and demand another useless decision.
There are no more decisions to be made.
It’s over. She knows that. A few more days, and she refuses to leave. She knows her duty.
Tick tock, says the watch.
The temptation is still there, and she directs her anger at whoever has cursed her with it. There is nothing she can do here but die with her people. Would it be so bad to run? He’s doing it all the time. Would becoming human for one short life, postponing her death for a few decades be so much worse than dying here and now?
No. She knows her duty. When she accepted to be president she accepted the responsibility for her people. She can not save them, but she will stay here until the end. Even if they don’t want her.
She knows her place.
Tick tock, says the watch.
She will die with Gallifrey. She only doesn’t want to.
A life as a human. A life in which she would not know of her failure, and her cowardice.
And she would not die in fear. Rassilon, she is so afraid!
In moments like this, when there is noting to do but think and remember and face the inevitable, it hurts. She wants to scream. To run. Another temptation. She’s stronger than that.
All of this will be lost, everyone. It would be hard enough to face only her own end, like this, waiting and helpless, and regardless of the knowing better it is nearly impossible not to hope.
Her responsibility.
She wishes he was here now. She is glad he isn’t.
She wishes it was already over. Selfish.
Closing her eyes she listens to the silence - tick tock - well aware that this might well be her last peaceful moment, anyone’s last peaceful moment. It shouldn’t be wasted with anger, doubt and fear. She can’t stop being afraid, but she can let go of the anger and the doubt. At least she can try.
All this will be gone soon. Everyone she loves - she can’t protect them. For a moment she feels shame, desperation, for a moment she is only sad. Then she straightens her shoulders, raises her head and throws the watch into the lake.
The splash is much louder than the ticking. But it makes her smile.
Until the moment is gone.
September 14, 2007