I wanna take you away…
Let’s escape into the music.
Hai friends.
We went to The Crib last night and I danced a lot. I suffered 2 leg cramps, 3 stomach cramps [in 3 different areas of my stomach], a hell of a backache, and some aching, aching feet. But it was sooo much fun. A lot more fun than the last time I went. Serenity decided to bring one of the 3 people she talking to right now to the club with us. I learned this fact maybe 7 minutes before we left, so there was really no time to prepare myself or weasel my way out of it. So I just went with it, even though I’m so not over her, taking Gabby’s advice and not paying much attention to them but it was so hard to dance and pretend to be with them pretty much all over each other. They had this really weird thing going on, like it seemed that Taya was jealous when Serenity danced with me, and it seemed Serenity was jealous when I was dancing with someone else. It didn’t occur to me until much later in the night that Serenity really just doesn’t know what she wants. She says she’s not looking for a relationship, but I think it’s more along the lines of she can’t pick who to be with. I figured she’d have her hands full, between the three people she’s already tangled up with but it kinda seems like she wants me too. And I honestly don’t know how I feel about that.
Anyway, last night I ran into Antoinette. Briefly, she went to my high school and was the best friend of Airrickka, hot drum major I was majorly crushing on in 11th grade. She goes to Cal now so it’s not that weird running into her, but it’s still pretty weird. It was funny when she came to dance with me, though, because she like cut through the crowd of my friends and practically attacked me. Paco and Serenity were like O.O do you know her??
This girl, Des, told me I was hella cute and we danced for a long ass time [she wore me the hell out; I wouldn’t be nearly as tired if it hadn’t been for her] and we exchanged numbers. She seemed sweet, but only time will tell. But when I was dancing with Des, Serenity kept looking my way… and I acted like it didn’t give me the most sadistic conceited pleasure to see her disappear with Paco because she didn’t want to be over there. But it really, really did. And don’t look at me like that. I said I still have feelings for her, not that I forgive her. I hold grudges, it’s true. I’m not proud of it but hey - that’s me. You wouldn’t believe the kinds of shit I keep inside from what would appear to be my closest friends. Probably because I love them and bringing up shit from 3 years ago would be unnecessary confrontation. But either way, I still feel like such a fool, because I can’t separate myself from the way I feel about her. Because I don’t feel angry at her when she’s sitting on my lap. Because I lose myself when she’s grinding against me. Because I can’t tell if that smile is because she’s playing with me, or because she just feels like smiling. Because she’s still so beautiful to me.
I’ve been writing! …ish. This fic is making me so mad. Or maybe I’m making myself mad. I haven’t written a sex scene in a few years, so I’m really having problems with this scene. But I’m working on it. In other news, I’m planning on changing Valley Christian High School around into my first novel. =O After I finish it, that is.
Oh yea. Comments like
this keep me writing.
Uhm, what else? My mom broke up with her boyfriend. Searching for a job sucks. I’m calling the financial aid office next week. I miss my joobie.
i can't think of anything else to say.
Hai friends.
We went to The Crib last night and I danced a lot. I suffered 2 leg cramps, 3 stomach cramps [in 3 different areas of my stomach], a hell of a backache, and some aching, aching feet. But it was sooo much fun. A lot more fun than the last time I went. Serenity decided to bring one of the 3 people she talking to right now to the club with us. I learned this fact maybe 7 minutes before we left, so there was really no time to prepare myself or weasel my way out of it. So I just went with it, even though I’m so not over her, taking Gabby’s advice and not paying much attention to them but it was so hard to dance and pretend to be with them pretty much all over each other. They had this really weird thing going on, like it seemed that Taya was jealous when Serenity danced with me, and it seemed Serenity was jealous when I was dancing with someone else. It didn’t occur to me until much later in the night that Serenity really just doesn’t know what she wants. She says she’s not looking for a relationship, but I think it’s more along the lines of she can’t pick who to be with. I figured she’d have her hands full, between the three people she’s already tangled up with but it kinda seems like she wants me too. And I honestly don’t know how I feel about that.
Anyway, last night I ran into Antoinette. Briefly, she went to my high school and was the best friend of Airrickka, hot drum major I was majorly crushing on in 11th grade. She goes to Cal now so it’s not that weird running into her, but it’s still pretty weird. It was funny when she came to dance with me, though, because she like cut through the crowd of my friends and practically attacked me. Paco and Serenity were like O.O do you know her??
This girl, Des, told me I was hella cute and we danced for a long ass time [she wore me the hell out; I wouldn’t be nearly as tired if it hadn’t been for her] and we exchanged numbers. She seemed sweet, but only time will tell. But when I was dancing with Des, Serenity kept looking my way… and I acted like it didn’t give me the most sadistic conceited pleasure to see her disappear with Paco because she didn’t want to be over there. But it really, really did. And don’t look at me like that. I said I still have feelings for her, not that I forgive her. I hold grudges, it’s true. I’m not proud of it but hey - that’s me. You wouldn’t believe the kinds of shit I keep inside from what would appear to be my closest friends. Probably because I love them and bringing up shit from 3 years ago would be unnecessary confrontation. But either way, I still feel like such a fool, because I can’t separate myself from the way I feel about her. Because I don’t feel angry at her when she’s sitting on my lap. Because I lose myself when she’s grinding against me. Because I can’t tell if that smile is because she’s playing with me, or because she just feels like smiling. Because she’s still so beautiful to me.
I’ve been writing! …ish. This fic is making me so mad. Or maybe I’m making myself mad. I haven’t written a sex scene in a few years, so I’m really having problems with this scene. But I’m working on it. In other news, I’m planning on changing Valley Christian High School around into my first novel. =O After I finish it, that is.
Oh yea. Comments like
this keep me writing.
Uhm, what else? My mom broke up with her boyfriend. Searching for a job sucks. I’m calling the financial aid office next week. I miss my joobie.
i can't think of anything else to say.