AFTHotWthL Translation Index
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Librarie
Guide to French Translations and Cultural Notes
Not fluent in French? Not even close to fluent in French? Never fear! You can still follow along. "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Librarie" is meant to be comprehensible even without translation, and we haven't included direct translation in the text because it's a bit cumbersome for French and non-French speakers alike, but in case you want to have a bit of a better idea than, say, Dom, of what's going on, you can check here after each chapter for translations. Please keep in mind that some of the French in the story is purposefully incorrect, in Dom's case, or a teeny bit off, in Billy's. We're sticking with what we know personally, assuming that their fluency as native English speakers is similar to our own, V's being advanced and RC's being conversational. So don't use this story as a way to study your grammar. If you do notice spelling errors, however, or errors in the speech of the native speakers in the story, please let us know and we'll correct it! Cultural and geographical notes are also included, just for fun.
Chapter One
volets: Wooden shutters. Unlike American shutters, the French versions are large wooden panels on hinges that open and lock from the inside. They shut out pretty much all light when closed, and French people generally close them every night and open them in the morning. Very effective for a late afternoon nap.
Shakespeare & Co.: Famous English-language bookstore across the river from the Notre Dame. Lots of first editions and rare books. Some expats like to hang out here and write, and many visitors swear by it. V thinks it's a bit overpriced and overrated.
Del Boy: A BBC television character with which I doubt most Americans are familiar (V isn't, at least).
Panthéon: A Parisian landmark on the Left Bank, not far from the Sorbonne. It's a large, dome-shaped building of whose exact purpose I'm not quite sure.
Le Restaurant Perraudin: It's a real restaurant. V highly recommends the pecan pie, and they do a really tasty cheese plate as well. Reservations recommended but not required.
the Sorbonne: Collectively used to refer to the Universités de Paris, of which there are four, I believe. The buildings are quite nice and sprinkled through the Latin Quarter with lots of little streets and alleyways ideal for late-night strolls (in V's opinion).
Chapter Two
the hill: The hill on which Dom and Billy live is fictional, but the neighbourhood of Montmartre is quite real, and also quite lovely. It is a very hilly neighbourhood, and if Dom and Billy's hill were to exist it would be somewhere near the Abesses or Lamarck Caulincourt métro station, though again we're embellishing a bit because neither of us is very familiar with the neighbourhood. Really, the station is an imaginary one on the 12 line. Dom's school would be near the station, which is at the bottom of the hill, and Billy's flat is at the top of the hill by the traffic light. If you want a reference for Montmartre, Google for photos (there are some good ones) or see the movie Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain (I believe if you buy it out of France it's just called Amélie) for a romanticised but lovely version.
quartier: neighbourhood
direction Marie d'Issi: Trains in the French metro system are marked by the line (a number or, in the case of the RER, a letter) and the direction (the last stop on the line). Marie d'Issi is the last stop on the 12 line going south.
pardon: excuse me
Sévres-Lécourbe: A complete and blatant error on V's part. But no one caught it, so does that mean it doesn't exist? Yeah, um, Sèvres-Lecourbe is the name of the stop, and it's on the 6 line, and it's not a transfer point at all. My memory sucks. What I meant was for them to transfer at Sèvres-Babylon for the ten, and then get off at Juisseu or Maubert-Mutualité in the neighbourhood around the Panthéon. Oops.
Je voudrais un table pour deux, s'il vous plait. Pas fumer: Roughly, "I would like a table for two, please. Non-smoking."
Robert, je pense que nous prenions une bouteille de vin rouge... Beaujolais, peut-être? Qu'est ce que vous nous recommandez? Celui-ci est un peu particulier pour moi, voyez-vous.: "Robert, I think that we'll take a bottle of red wine... perhaps a Beaujolais? What would you recommend? This one here is a bit special to me, see."
pecan pie: RC informs me that this is not a common English dessert, so for our European readers, pecan pie is an amazing creation, predominant in the Southeastern US, featuring a gooey inside made with molasses and nuts, and a caramelised pecan topping with brown sugar.
le menu and prix fixe: Literally, "the menu" and "fixed price." Again, I was a bit out of it, as what I meant to say was not prix fixe at all but à la carte. Le menu designates a fixed price menu where the diner selects a three, four, or five course meal (or at a really fancy restaurant, seven). Generally a starter and a dessert are involved, and bread comes automatically, as does, in some cases, salad. A la carte selections are individual dishes that are generally a bit more expensive. The menu choices are generally displayed on a large board that is brought to the table and set up on a chair, rather than a paper menu.
Muscat: A sweet golden aperitif (before-dinner drink) made with white wine and honey. There are California versions, but the best are made in the Languedoc region.
C'est délicieux... Luc, laisse-moi présenter mon ami, Dominic. Il avais eu le malheur de tomber sur ma librairie, et je n'ai pas lui laisser échapper: "This is delicious... Luc, let me introduce you to my friend Dominic. He had the misfortune to stumble upon my bookshop, and I wouldn't let him get away."
Dom, c'est Luc. Il est mon ami dépuis longtemps. Je viens ici très souvent: "Dom, this is Luc. He's been my friend for a while. I come here quite often."
oui, très souvent, votre ami est un peu solitaire: "Yes, quite often, your friend is a bit of a loner."
Enchanté, monsieur: "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."
Et qu'est-ce que vous désirez comme entrée? Le foie gras est très bon; votre compagnon le commande presque chaque fois: "And what would you like for a starter? The foie gras is very good; your companion orders it almost every time."
Bonjour, Luc. Excusez-moi mon français, c'est affreux. Je m'appelle Dom. Billy...: "Hello, Luc. Excuse me my French, it's horrible. My name is Dom. Billy..."
Billy dit que je dois...: "Billy says that I should..."
Desolée. Beaucoup. Billy aime le foie gras, oui? Puis je voudrais le foie gras, s'il vous plait?: "I'm sorry. A lot. Billy likes the foie gras, yes? Then I would like the foie gras, please?"
Le foie gras aussi. Qu'est-ce que je peux dire? J'ai mes petites habitudes. Et le saumon comme plat principal: "The foie gras as well. What can I say? I have my little habits. And the salmon as an entree."
Pigalle: Neighbourhood in the Montmartre area that's something of a red-light district. Home of the Moulin Rouge and a fair number of prostitutes.
St. Michel: A church, as well as the surrounding square and a métro stop, on the left bank a couple of blocks from the river. The area is quite busy at night, especially when the weather is warm, and is popular with students due to the volume of Gilbert-Jeunes (cheap bookshops) and kebab stands, as well as quite a few bars and street performers.
the best crêpe seller: When you emerge from the St. Michel métro station, walk about halfway across the square (the church should be to your back and to the left slightly). On the right there is a light blue restaurant/café. Best crêpes in Paris, at least according to the Sorbonne student crowd.
Latin Club: A very fun establishment. V went here the day after her twenty-first birthday and watched attractive and quite possible gay men dance on tables while drinking a frozen cocktail the colour of the tricolore with a sparkler in it. The happy hour specials are really nice, though they only really let you get one.
rue: street
Dom and Billy's Bridge: V prefers to think of this as the Petit Pont, though it could be the larger Pont St. Michel. Either one has a great few of the cathedral at night.
Chapter Three
Alors, devons-nous commencer?: "Well then, shall we begin?"
Et j'oublie about mon lessons de français. Regarde? Je parle le Frenglish parfait!: "And I forget about my French lessons. See? I speak the 'Frenglish' perfectly!"
Desolée: Sorry
Parfait: Perfect
J'ai envie d'une bière, j'ai envie d'une pause, j'ai envie de me coucher... "I want a beer, I want a break, I want to go to bed..."
je voudrais un sandwich de boeuf rôti. J'aime le boeuf. Je n'aime pas les olives, et je détèste la cannelle: "I would like a roast beef sandwich. I like beef. I don't like olives, and I hate cinnamon."
J'aime Billy. Je comprends: "I like Billy. I understand."
the 9th arrondissement: One of the 20 numbered districts that make up the city of Paris proper. The 9th is just to the south of Montmartre, though Billy and Dom live a bit near the border between the 9th and 18th. The 9th is also where Pigalle is located, so the old English bloke may have been a bit of a perv.
Quand je suis ennervant, je ne donne Billy que plus d'idées des façons pour me punir après le septième rendez-vous: "When I am annoying, I only give Billy more ideas for ways to punish me after the seventh date."
Même si quand ma patience expire, tu serais intelligent de me redoubter. Mais j'avoue que je ne pourrais jamais te froisser. Tu es trop beau: "Although when my patience runs out, you would be smart to fear me. Though I admit that I could never hurt you. You are too beautiful."
Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine et nos amours, faut-il que m'en souvienne, la joie venait toujours après la peine: A line of Apollinaire that V particularly likes, it means, roughly, "beneath the pont Mirabeau runs the Seine and our loves; I must remember that joy always comes after pain." The idea was that the bridge, and Dom, and everything after it, follows Billy's sometimes-painful past, though the poem itself is actually much less hopeful.
Chapter Four
The Montmartre Cemetery: Really is more like a park, with lovely landscaping and less tourists than Père-Lachaise to the east.
Répètes-toi, s'il te plait: Repeat, please
Une verre de vin rouge: A glass of red wine
Une petite bouteille de vin rouge: A little bottle of red wine (I think Billy has the gender wrong and it's un bouteil, but we'll forgive him)
Camembert: a delicious, soft French cheese, in the same family as Brie
Une tranche de pain et du fromage: A slice of bread and cheese
Une tranche de viande: A slice of meat
Est-ce que tu aimes des olives?: Do you like olives?
Je déteste les olives - Ils sont dégoûtant: I hate olives - they're disgusting
Très bon, mon cher. Et les fruits? Quels fruits aimes-tu?: "Very good, my dear. And fruit? Which fruits do you like?"
J'aime les fraises. Et les pommes. J'aime les...peaches: "I like strawberries. And apples. I like... peaches."
D'accord. J'ai des fraises et des pêches. Laquelle préfères-tu?: "Okay. I have strawberries and peaches. Which would you prefer?"
Des fraises, je pense: Strawberries, I think
J'aime des fraises aussi: I also like strawberries
Je ne comprends pas: I don't understand
Pardon, mais je ne parle pas l'anglais: I'm sorry, but I don't speak English
Pourrai-je t'aider avec quelque chose?: Could I help you with something?
Est-ce qu'il y a une problème? Is there a problem?
Je pense pas. Maintenant...: I don't think so. Now...
Chapter Five
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Six
Assemblé National station: A very large métro station with a lot of connections
RER C line: The RER is a regional train which operates as part of the métro system within Paris. You can use normal métro tickets on it until you reach a certain point, and then you have to pay higher fares to get outside the city, to Charles de Gaulle airport for example.
the 7th or the 8th: Actually, Billy isn't strictly correct. The 7th arrondissement is where the Eiffel Tower is, and it's fairly busy if touristy. The 8th is the upper end of the Champs-Elysees, home of the Arc de Triomphe, on the opposite side of the Seine. It's a bit more friendly if you're in a car, but there are a lot of shops and such.
Bonsoir. Je voudrais une crêpe au nutella et noix de coco, s'il vous plait: "Good evening. Je would like a crepe with nutella and coconut, please"
plaque: A sort of heating stone, round without sides, used to cook crêpes outdoors or in the home
Bonsoir. Je voudrais deux billets, s'il vous plait: "Good evening. I'd like two tickets, please."
Um, pas escalier, s'il vous plait: "Um, not the stairs, please."
L'ascenseur. Au sommet": "The elevator. To the top level."
bureau des ingénieurs: The "engineer's office," one of several exhibit rooms at the top of the Tower.
Chapter Seven
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Eight
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Nine
Je voudrais dix fleurs pour dis 'desolé': "I'd like ten flowers to say 'I'm sorry'"
Oui, je voudrais un pizza grand... une demie seulement avec du fromage, et l'autre demie avec du jambon, des champignons, des oignons, et... des poivres. Oui: "Yes, I'd like a large pizza... half just with cheese, and the other half with ham, mushrooms, onions, and... peppers. Yes."
Chapter Ten
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Eleven
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Twelve
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Thirteen
2nd arrondissement: It's a bit chi chi. Well not all of it, but parts. Between Montmartre and the river, and it borders the 1st which is where the Louvre is, to give you some idea of geography.
Bonsoir, nous sommes avec la groupe de l'école anglaise: "Good evening, we're with the group from the English school."
Vous avez Macallan, n'est-ce pas?: "You have Macallan, don't you?"
Deux verres, s'il vous plait, avec de l'eau: "Two glasses, please, with water." (Note: I have no idea how the average Scottish man drinks his whisky, but I like mine with water unless it's really good Scotch and then I'll sip it plain. So if it's not authentic, don't kill me.)
Est-qu'il y a un menu avec de la texte plus grande? J'ai oublié mes lunettes: "Is there a menu with larger print? I've forgotten my glasses."
Mesdames et messieurs, êtes-vous prêtes de commander quelque chose à manger?: "Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to order something to eat?"
Je pense que oui: I think so
Oui, je voudrais quelque chose léger, je pense...qu'est-ce que vous recommandez?: "Yes, I think I'd like something light... what do you recommend?"
Voulez-vous goûter du poulet grillé avec de la salade? C'est fantastique et un de mes plats préférés: "Would you like to taste the grilled chicken with salad? It's fantastic and one of my favourite dishes."
Oui, ça serait bon. Merci beaucoup: "Yes, that'd be good. Thank you very much."
Chapters Fourteen through Sixteen
No French in these chapters.
Chapter Seventeen
ceefax: For our American readers, a ceefax is a thing that's part of the television with which British people can find out all sorts of random information, including train times and news and weather, I think.
Chapter Eighteen
No French this chapter.
Chapter Nineteen
the Marais: is a real gay neighbourhood. All the stuff in the Marais, however, is made up, including the restaurant and the club.
Mesdames et messieurs, garçons jolis et filles belles, saisez votre amant, votre partenaire, ou la personne la plus séduisante tout près de toi, parce-que c'est la dérnière chanson avant de minuit!: "Ladies and gentlemen, pretty boys and beautiful girls, grab your lover, your partner, or the most attractive person nearby, because this is the last song before midnight!" (And please excuse my dodgy French there)
parfait: perfect
Bonne année: Happy New Year
Je voudrais un bouteil de l'eau, s'il vous plaît: "I'd like a bottle of water, please"
Bonne année, chéri: Happy New Year, darling
Ce n'est pas assez dur pour un nuit comme celui-ci: "This isn't strong enough for a night like tonight"
Laisse-moi t'achète une vrai boisson: "Let me buy you a real drink"
Je suis ici avec quelqu'un: "I'm here with someone"
Non, merci: No, thank you
Tu viens avec moi. Je ne vois ce 'quelq'un' ici... viens avec moi: "You come with me. I don't see this 'someone' here... come with me."
Mon copain est dans les toilettes, tu comprends?: "My boyfriend is in the loo, understand?"
Fait attention: Pay attention (or here, more like "Watch out!")
Chapter Twenty
pub quiz: Apparently some of the Americans reading aren't familiar with this fine British tradition, so I thought we should clue you in. A pub quiz is something that generally happens once a week, with a host who reads the questions and an attractive female helper or two who collects a certain small fee per person and hands out little pieces of paper and small pencils for writing down responses. The team can be any size, and of course bigger means you get more right, but it also means you have to pay more and if you win split the money more ways. There are generally categories by subject (often ten) and there is always a handout round where you have to identify badly-photocopied pictures of famous people. V is very bad at this round. There are generally three winning teams (1st, 2nd, and 3rd prize) and the entrance money is divied up proportionally among them. Therefore, the more people play, the more you might win (and the less likely you are to win). Oh, and half the fun is coming up with obnoxious team names. After that, it's pretty much a lark. Sounds like fun, eh?
Chapter Twenty-One
A cultural note on billiards: Our American readers may be a bit confused by this description of the game. You are not alone. When we were writing this chapter, V first typed something about a "purple ball," by which RC was greatly confused. Even after six months of going to many, many pubs in Ireland, V never noticed that all the balls were red and yellow. But there you go. Anyway, British pool is needless to say very different from American 8-ball, and if you're interested, you can read the rules on Wikipedia.
Fosters: Lucy's comment on the subject is a nod to V's Australian roommate, who was flabergasted by the American commercials we told her about ("Fosters - Australian for beer!") She was very adamant that no Australian actually drinks Fosters, and that Vic Bitter (or just "VB") is a much better national beer. So consider yourself educated.
Jean Marie Le Pen: Asshole who ran a few times for President under the Front National party. He's racist and generally evil, and scared a lot of people in 2000 when he came in second in the primaries and was therefore up against Chirac in the runoff. This may be the only reason Chirac, who is corrupt and not all that popular anymore, actually won.
Mary Hinge: Another one the Americans may need explained. It's a play on words, as "minge" is a crass British term for the female genitalia, and therefore if you swap the first letters you get, well, yeah.
Chapter Twenty-Two
paracetamol: Tylenol
Chapters Twenty-Three and Twenty-Four
No French (or British) these chapters.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Allez-vous chez moi, s'il vous plait: Go to my house, please
Chapters Twenty-Six through Twenty-Nine
No French these chapters.
Chapter Thirty
Note: There's a lot of French this chapter, so if Billy basically translates it I'm not including the verbatim translation.
Bonjour, messieurs. Comment peux-je vous aider?: Hello, gentlemen. How may I help you?
Nous avez un rignon pour des testes STI: We have a meeting for STI tests (purposeful mistake; "rendez-vous" would be appointment)
D'accord, monsieur, vous ne devez que remplir cettes feuilles d'information et nous vous verrons dans quelques minutes: Okay, sir, you only need to fill out these information sheets and we'll see you in a few minutes
Bonjour, messieurs! Ca va?: Hello, gentlemen! How are you?
Ca va bien, merci: Fine, thanks
Ca ira mieux, peut-être, quand tout cela est fini: I'll be better, perhaps, when all this is done
Ce n'est pas tellement mal, seulement quelques piqûres. Vous êtes ensemble depuis quand?: It's not that bad, just a few pricks. How long have you been together?
Depuis quelques mois: For a few months
Bien. Qui est ma première victime? Good. Who's my first victim?
Il l'a fait quelques fois déjà: He's done this a few times already.
Oui, allez-y: Yes, go ahead
Il dit un homme seulement - c'est moi - oral et anale. Et c'est la même pour moi. La même raison pour être ici, aussi He says only one man - that's me - oral and anal. And the same for me. The same reason for being here, as well.
Non pour moi, et pour lui... No for me, and for him...
Désolé. Il avait chlamydia il y a huit ans, mais rien depuis ça: Sorry. He had chlamydia eight years ago, but nothing since that.
Et avez-vous où votre partenaire eu sexe non protégé dans le passé recent?: And have you or your partner had unprotected sex in the recent past?
Erm, pour moi il y a quelques ans, mais oui, il y avaient quelques fois: Um, it's been a few years for me but yes, there were a few times
Ce n'est pas nécessaire: That's not necessary
Est-ce que c'est tout, le échantillon? Is that all, the swab?
D'accord. C'est tout. Maitenant vous pouvez revêter en ces robes et je vais retourner: Okay. That's all. Now you can put on these robes and I'll be back.
D'accord. Monsieur Boyd? Okay. Mr. Boyd?
D'accord. Tout est fini. Nous n'avons besoin qu'un échantillon: Okay. All done. We only need a urine sample.
Les toilettes sont tout droit et à la droite au fin du couloir: The toilets are straight down and on the right at the end of the hall
Vous pouvez donner les tasses à la infirmière quand vous êtes finis: You can give the cups to the nurse when you're finished
Guide to French Translations and Cultural Notes
Not fluent in French? Not even close to fluent in French? Never fear! You can still follow along. "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Librarie" is meant to be comprehensible even without translation, and we haven't included direct translation in the text because it's a bit cumbersome for French and non-French speakers alike, but in case you want to have a bit of a better idea than, say, Dom, of what's going on, you can check here after each chapter for translations. Please keep in mind that some of the French in the story is purposefully incorrect, in Dom's case, or a teeny bit off, in Billy's. We're sticking with what we know personally, assuming that their fluency as native English speakers is similar to our own, V's being advanced and RC's being conversational. So don't use this story as a way to study your grammar. If you do notice spelling errors, however, or errors in the speech of the native speakers in the story, please let us know and we'll correct it! Cultural and geographical notes are also included, just for fun.
Chapter One
volets: Wooden shutters. Unlike American shutters, the French versions are large wooden panels on hinges that open and lock from the inside. They shut out pretty much all light when closed, and French people generally close them every night and open them in the morning. Very effective for a late afternoon nap.
Shakespeare & Co.: Famous English-language bookstore across the river from the Notre Dame. Lots of first editions and rare books. Some expats like to hang out here and write, and many visitors swear by it. V thinks it's a bit overpriced and overrated.
Del Boy: A BBC television character with which I doubt most Americans are familiar (V isn't, at least).
Panthéon: A Parisian landmark on the Left Bank, not far from the Sorbonne. It's a large, dome-shaped building of whose exact purpose I'm not quite sure.
Le Restaurant Perraudin: It's a real restaurant. V highly recommends the pecan pie, and they do a really tasty cheese plate as well. Reservations recommended but not required.
the Sorbonne: Collectively used to refer to the Universités de Paris, of which there are four, I believe. The buildings are quite nice and sprinkled through the Latin Quarter with lots of little streets and alleyways ideal for late-night strolls (in V's opinion).
Chapter Two
the hill: The hill on which Dom and Billy live is fictional, but the neighbourhood of Montmartre is quite real, and also quite lovely. It is a very hilly neighbourhood, and if Dom and Billy's hill were to exist it would be somewhere near the Abesses or Lamarck Caulincourt métro station, though again we're embellishing a bit because neither of us is very familiar with the neighbourhood. Really, the station is an imaginary one on the 12 line. Dom's school would be near the station, which is at the bottom of the hill, and Billy's flat is at the top of the hill by the traffic light. If you want a reference for Montmartre, Google for photos (there are some good ones) or see the movie Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain (I believe if you buy it out of France it's just called Amélie) for a romanticised but lovely version.
quartier: neighbourhood
direction Marie d'Issi: Trains in the French metro system are marked by the line (a number or, in the case of the RER, a letter) and the direction (the last stop on the line). Marie d'Issi is the last stop on the 12 line going south.
pardon: excuse me
Sévres-Lécourbe: A complete and blatant error on V's part. But no one caught it, so does that mean it doesn't exist? Yeah, um, Sèvres-Lecourbe is the name of the stop, and it's on the 6 line, and it's not a transfer point at all. My memory sucks. What I meant was for them to transfer at Sèvres-Babylon for the ten, and then get off at Juisseu or Maubert-Mutualité in the neighbourhood around the Panthéon. Oops.
Je voudrais un table pour deux, s'il vous plait. Pas fumer: Roughly, "I would like a table for two, please. Non-smoking."
Robert, je pense que nous prenions une bouteille de vin rouge... Beaujolais, peut-être? Qu'est ce que vous nous recommandez? Celui-ci est un peu particulier pour moi, voyez-vous.: "Robert, I think that we'll take a bottle of red wine... perhaps a Beaujolais? What would you recommend? This one here is a bit special to me, see."
pecan pie: RC informs me that this is not a common English dessert, so for our European readers, pecan pie is an amazing creation, predominant in the Southeastern US, featuring a gooey inside made with molasses and nuts, and a caramelised pecan topping with brown sugar.
le menu and prix fixe: Literally, "the menu" and "fixed price." Again, I was a bit out of it, as what I meant to say was not prix fixe at all but à la carte. Le menu designates a fixed price menu where the diner selects a three, four, or five course meal (or at a really fancy restaurant, seven). Generally a starter and a dessert are involved, and bread comes automatically, as does, in some cases, salad. A la carte selections are individual dishes that are generally a bit more expensive. The menu choices are generally displayed on a large board that is brought to the table and set up on a chair, rather than a paper menu.
Muscat: A sweet golden aperitif (before-dinner drink) made with white wine and honey. There are California versions, but the best are made in the Languedoc region.
C'est délicieux... Luc, laisse-moi présenter mon ami, Dominic. Il avais eu le malheur de tomber sur ma librairie, et je n'ai pas lui laisser échapper: "This is delicious... Luc, let me introduce you to my friend Dominic. He had the misfortune to stumble upon my bookshop, and I wouldn't let him get away."
Dom, c'est Luc. Il est mon ami dépuis longtemps. Je viens ici très souvent: "Dom, this is Luc. He's been my friend for a while. I come here quite often."
oui, très souvent, votre ami est un peu solitaire: "Yes, quite often, your friend is a bit of a loner."
Enchanté, monsieur: "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."
Et qu'est-ce que vous désirez comme entrée? Le foie gras est très bon; votre compagnon le commande presque chaque fois: "And what would you like for a starter? The foie gras is very good; your companion orders it almost every time."
Bonjour, Luc. Excusez-moi mon français, c'est affreux. Je m'appelle Dom. Billy...: "Hello, Luc. Excuse me my French, it's horrible. My name is Dom. Billy..."
Billy dit que je dois...: "Billy says that I should..."
Desolée. Beaucoup. Billy aime le foie gras, oui? Puis je voudrais le foie gras, s'il vous plait?: "I'm sorry. A lot. Billy likes the foie gras, yes? Then I would like the foie gras, please?"
Le foie gras aussi. Qu'est-ce que je peux dire? J'ai mes petites habitudes. Et le saumon comme plat principal: "The foie gras as well. What can I say? I have my little habits. And the salmon as an entree."
Pigalle: Neighbourhood in the Montmartre area that's something of a red-light district. Home of the Moulin Rouge and a fair number of prostitutes.
St. Michel: A church, as well as the surrounding square and a métro stop, on the left bank a couple of blocks from the river. The area is quite busy at night, especially when the weather is warm, and is popular with students due to the volume of Gilbert-Jeunes (cheap bookshops) and kebab stands, as well as quite a few bars and street performers.
the best crêpe seller: When you emerge from the St. Michel métro station, walk about halfway across the square (the church should be to your back and to the left slightly). On the right there is a light blue restaurant/café. Best crêpes in Paris, at least according to the Sorbonne student crowd.
Latin Club: A very fun establishment. V went here the day after her twenty-first birthday and watched attractive and quite possible gay men dance on tables while drinking a frozen cocktail the colour of the tricolore with a sparkler in it. The happy hour specials are really nice, though they only really let you get one.
rue: street
Dom and Billy's Bridge: V prefers to think of this as the Petit Pont, though it could be the larger Pont St. Michel. Either one has a great few of the cathedral at night.
Chapter Three
Alors, devons-nous commencer?: "Well then, shall we begin?"
Et j'oublie about mon lessons de français. Regarde? Je parle le Frenglish parfait!: "And I forget about my French lessons. See? I speak the 'Frenglish' perfectly!"
Desolée: Sorry
Parfait: Perfect
J'ai envie d'une bière, j'ai envie d'une pause, j'ai envie de me coucher... "I want a beer, I want a break, I want to go to bed..."
je voudrais un sandwich de boeuf rôti. J'aime le boeuf. Je n'aime pas les olives, et je détèste la cannelle: "I would like a roast beef sandwich. I like beef. I don't like olives, and I hate cinnamon."
J'aime Billy. Je comprends: "I like Billy. I understand."
the 9th arrondissement: One of the 20 numbered districts that make up the city of Paris proper. The 9th is just to the south of Montmartre, though Billy and Dom live a bit near the border between the 9th and 18th. The 9th is also where Pigalle is located, so the old English bloke may have been a bit of a perv.
Quand je suis ennervant, je ne donne Billy que plus d'idées des façons pour me punir après le septième rendez-vous: "When I am annoying, I only give Billy more ideas for ways to punish me after the seventh date."
Même si quand ma patience expire, tu serais intelligent de me redoubter. Mais j'avoue que je ne pourrais jamais te froisser. Tu es trop beau: "Although when my patience runs out, you would be smart to fear me. Though I admit that I could never hurt you. You are too beautiful."
Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine et nos amours, faut-il que m'en souvienne, la joie venait toujours après la peine: A line of Apollinaire that V particularly likes, it means, roughly, "beneath the pont Mirabeau runs the Seine and our loves; I must remember that joy always comes after pain." The idea was that the bridge, and Dom, and everything after it, follows Billy's sometimes-painful past, though the poem itself is actually much less hopeful.
Chapter Four
The Montmartre Cemetery: Really is more like a park, with lovely landscaping and less tourists than Père-Lachaise to the east.
Répètes-toi, s'il te plait: Repeat, please
Une verre de vin rouge: A glass of red wine
Une petite bouteille de vin rouge: A little bottle of red wine (I think Billy has the gender wrong and it's un bouteil, but we'll forgive him)
Camembert: a delicious, soft French cheese, in the same family as Brie
Une tranche de pain et du fromage: A slice of bread and cheese
Une tranche de viande: A slice of meat
Est-ce que tu aimes des olives?: Do you like olives?
Je déteste les olives - Ils sont dégoûtant: I hate olives - they're disgusting
Très bon, mon cher. Et les fruits? Quels fruits aimes-tu?: "Very good, my dear. And fruit? Which fruits do you like?"
J'aime les fraises. Et les pommes. J'aime les...peaches: "I like strawberries. And apples. I like... peaches."
D'accord. J'ai des fraises et des pêches. Laquelle préfères-tu?: "Okay. I have strawberries and peaches. Which would you prefer?"
Des fraises, je pense: Strawberries, I think
J'aime des fraises aussi: I also like strawberries
Je ne comprends pas: I don't understand
Pardon, mais je ne parle pas l'anglais: I'm sorry, but I don't speak English
Pourrai-je t'aider avec quelque chose?: Could I help you with something?
Est-ce qu'il y a une problème? Is there a problem?
Je pense pas. Maintenant...: I don't think so. Now...
Chapter Five
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Six
Assemblé National station: A very large métro station with a lot of connections
RER C line: The RER is a regional train which operates as part of the métro system within Paris. You can use normal métro tickets on it until you reach a certain point, and then you have to pay higher fares to get outside the city, to Charles de Gaulle airport for example.
the 7th or the 8th: Actually, Billy isn't strictly correct. The 7th arrondissement is where the Eiffel Tower is, and it's fairly busy if touristy. The 8th is the upper end of the Champs-Elysees, home of the Arc de Triomphe, on the opposite side of the Seine. It's a bit more friendly if you're in a car, but there are a lot of shops and such.
Bonsoir. Je voudrais une crêpe au nutella et noix de coco, s'il vous plait: "Good evening. Je would like a crepe with nutella and coconut, please"
plaque: A sort of heating stone, round without sides, used to cook crêpes outdoors or in the home
Bonsoir. Je voudrais deux billets, s'il vous plait: "Good evening. I'd like two tickets, please."
Um, pas escalier, s'il vous plait: "Um, not the stairs, please."
L'ascenseur. Au sommet": "The elevator. To the top level."
bureau des ingénieurs: The "engineer's office," one of several exhibit rooms at the top of the Tower.
Chapter Seven
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Eight
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Nine
Je voudrais dix fleurs pour dis 'desolé': "I'd like ten flowers to say 'I'm sorry'"
Oui, je voudrais un pizza grand... une demie seulement avec du fromage, et l'autre demie avec du jambon, des champignons, des oignons, et... des poivres. Oui: "Yes, I'd like a large pizza... half just with cheese, and the other half with ham, mushrooms, onions, and... peppers. Yes."
Chapter Ten
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Eleven
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Twelve
No French in this chapter.
Chapter Thirteen
2nd arrondissement: It's a bit chi chi. Well not all of it, but parts. Between Montmartre and the river, and it borders the 1st which is where the Louvre is, to give you some idea of geography.
Bonsoir, nous sommes avec la groupe de l'école anglaise: "Good evening, we're with the group from the English school."
Vous avez Macallan, n'est-ce pas?: "You have Macallan, don't you?"
Deux verres, s'il vous plait, avec de l'eau: "Two glasses, please, with water." (Note: I have no idea how the average Scottish man drinks his whisky, but I like mine with water unless it's really good Scotch and then I'll sip it plain. So if it's not authentic, don't kill me.)
Est-qu'il y a un menu avec de la texte plus grande? J'ai oublié mes lunettes: "Is there a menu with larger print? I've forgotten my glasses."
Mesdames et messieurs, êtes-vous prêtes de commander quelque chose à manger?: "Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to order something to eat?"
Je pense que oui: I think so
Oui, je voudrais quelque chose léger, je pense...qu'est-ce que vous recommandez?: "Yes, I think I'd like something light... what do you recommend?"
Voulez-vous goûter du poulet grillé avec de la salade? C'est fantastique et un de mes plats préférés: "Would you like to taste the grilled chicken with salad? It's fantastic and one of my favourite dishes."
Oui, ça serait bon. Merci beaucoup: "Yes, that'd be good. Thank you very much."
Chapters Fourteen through Sixteen
No French in these chapters.
Chapter Seventeen
ceefax: For our American readers, a ceefax is a thing that's part of the television with which British people can find out all sorts of random information, including train times and news and weather, I think.
Chapter Eighteen
No French this chapter.
Chapter Nineteen
the Marais: is a real gay neighbourhood. All the stuff in the Marais, however, is made up, including the restaurant and the club.
Mesdames et messieurs, garçons jolis et filles belles, saisez votre amant, votre partenaire, ou la personne la plus séduisante tout près de toi, parce-que c'est la dérnière chanson avant de minuit!: "Ladies and gentlemen, pretty boys and beautiful girls, grab your lover, your partner, or the most attractive person nearby, because this is the last song before midnight!" (And please excuse my dodgy French there)
parfait: perfect
Bonne année: Happy New Year
Je voudrais un bouteil de l'eau, s'il vous plaît: "I'd like a bottle of water, please"
Bonne année, chéri: Happy New Year, darling
Ce n'est pas assez dur pour un nuit comme celui-ci: "This isn't strong enough for a night like tonight"
Laisse-moi t'achète une vrai boisson: "Let me buy you a real drink"
Je suis ici avec quelqu'un: "I'm here with someone"
Non, merci: No, thank you
Tu viens avec moi. Je ne vois ce 'quelq'un' ici... viens avec moi: "You come with me. I don't see this 'someone' here... come with me."
Mon copain est dans les toilettes, tu comprends?: "My boyfriend is in the loo, understand?"
Fait attention: Pay attention (or here, more like "Watch out!")
Chapter Twenty
pub quiz: Apparently some of the Americans reading aren't familiar with this fine British tradition, so I thought we should clue you in. A pub quiz is something that generally happens once a week, with a host who reads the questions and an attractive female helper or two who collects a certain small fee per person and hands out little pieces of paper and small pencils for writing down responses. The team can be any size, and of course bigger means you get more right, but it also means you have to pay more and if you win split the money more ways. There are generally categories by subject (often ten) and there is always a handout round where you have to identify badly-photocopied pictures of famous people. V is very bad at this round. There are generally three winning teams (1st, 2nd, and 3rd prize) and the entrance money is divied up proportionally among them. Therefore, the more people play, the more you might win (and the less likely you are to win). Oh, and half the fun is coming up with obnoxious team names. After that, it's pretty much a lark. Sounds like fun, eh?
Chapter Twenty-One
A cultural note on billiards: Our American readers may be a bit confused by this description of the game. You are not alone. When we were writing this chapter, V first typed something about a "purple ball," by which RC was greatly confused. Even after six months of going to many, many pubs in Ireland, V never noticed that all the balls were red and yellow. But there you go. Anyway, British pool is needless to say very different from American 8-ball, and if you're interested, you can read the rules on Wikipedia.
Fosters: Lucy's comment on the subject is a nod to V's Australian roommate, who was flabergasted by the American commercials we told her about ("Fosters - Australian for beer!") She was very adamant that no Australian actually drinks Fosters, and that Vic Bitter (or just "VB") is a much better national beer. So consider yourself educated.
Jean Marie Le Pen: Asshole who ran a few times for President under the Front National party. He's racist and generally evil, and scared a lot of people in 2000 when he came in second in the primaries and was therefore up against Chirac in the runoff. This may be the only reason Chirac, who is corrupt and not all that popular anymore, actually won.
Mary Hinge: Another one the Americans may need explained. It's a play on words, as "minge" is a crass British term for the female genitalia, and therefore if you swap the first letters you get, well, yeah.
Chapter Twenty-Two
paracetamol: Tylenol
Chapters Twenty-Three and Twenty-Four
No French (or British) these chapters.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Allez-vous chez moi, s'il vous plait: Go to my house, please
Chapters Twenty-Six through Twenty-Nine
No French these chapters.
Chapter Thirty
Note: There's a lot of French this chapter, so if Billy basically translates it I'm not including the verbatim translation.
Bonjour, messieurs. Comment peux-je vous aider?: Hello, gentlemen. How may I help you?
Nous avez un rignon pour des testes STI: We have a meeting for STI tests (purposeful mistake; "rendez-vous" would be appointment)
D'accord, monsieur, vous ne devez que remplir cettes feuilles d'information et nous vous verrons dans quelques minutes: Okay, sir, you only need to fill out these information sheets and we'll see you in a few minutes
Bonjour, messieurs! Ca va?: Hello, gentlemen! How are you?
Ca va bien, merci: Fine, thanks
Ca ira mieux, peut-être, quand tout cela est fini: I'll be better, perhaps, when all this is done
Ce n'est pas tellement mal, seulement quelques piqûres. Vous êtes ensemble depuis quand?: It's not that bad, just a few pricks. How long have you been together?
Depuis quelques mois: For a few months
Bien. Qui est ma première victime? Good. Who's my first victim?
Il l'a fait quelques fois déjà: He's done this a few times already.
Oui, allez-y: Yes, go ahead
Il dit un homme seulement - c'est moi - oral et anale. Et c'est la même pour moi. La même raison pour être ici, aussi He says only one man - that's me - oral and anal. And the same for me. The same reason for being here, as well.
Non pour moi, et pour lui... No for me, and for him...
Désolé. Il avait chlamydia il y a huit ans, mais rien depuis ça: Sorry. He had chlamydia eight years ago, but nothing since that.
Et avez-vous où votre partenaire eu sexe non protégé dans le passé recent?: And have you or your partner had unprotected sex in the recent past?
Erm, pour moi il y a quelques ans, mais oui, il y avaient quelques fois: Um, it's been a few years for me but yes, there were a few times
Ce n'est pas nécessaire: That's not necessary
Est-ce que c'est tout, le échantillon? Is that all, the swab?
D'accord. C'est tout. Maitenant vous pouvez revêter en ces robes et je vais retourner: Okay. That's all. Now you can put on these robes and I'll be back.
D'accord. Monsieur Boyd? Okay. Mr. Boyd?
D'accord. Tout est fini. Nous n'avons besoin qu'un échantillon: Okay. All done. We only need a urine sample.
Les toilettes sont tout droit et à la droite au fin du couloir: The toilets are straight down and on the right at the end of the hall
Vous pouvez donner les tasses à la infirmière quand vous êtes finis: You can give the cups to the nurse when you're finished