Confessions of a Slow Learner

[uzbradistan]

Age nine was an important year for me. It was the year that I finally learned how to do two things my peers had known how to do already for at least three years: tying shoelaces and riding a bike.

Comments

[anonymous]

Things I wish I could do, but I don't have the persistence to learn:
The two-finger whistle
Throw things not like a girl
Ice skate
Roller blade
Walk on stilts
Play pool
Juggle
Play a wind instrument
Climb a rope
Dip my partner while swing dancing

[uzbradistan]

Hello, my anonymous friend. Your wishlist of desired skills has some overlap with mine.

I already mentioned how I can't do the two-finger whistle (and yes, I would love to be able to).

I like to think I don't throw like a girl, though I'll admit I was only taught how to spiral a football once, and promptly forgot.

Ice skating is something I've only done once, in college. I was predictably clumsy. I think I would've really loved it if I'd been a kid in a more wintry clime, but I can live without it now.

I can't roller blade (or really roller skate), either, but I could take or leave it. Ditto, stilts and juggling.

I know how to play pool, but would love to actually know how to make shots with multiple banks.

Playing a wind instrument would be very cool. As would being able to climb a rope or to dip my partner while swing dancing.

And being able to drive stick.

[anonymous]

I'd like to drive stick. But I don't feel like I have the same mental block as with the other stuff on the list -- I just need access to a friend's stick shift car to practice.

[uzbradistan]

You've driven me mad with curiosity -- who are you?

Late Learner too

[kendellsquare]

Shoes - learned how to tie them only because my mother started forbidding velcro when I was 8 or 9.

Bike - learned how to ride only when my mother forbid me to get my ears pierced until I learned (age 11... my brother, five years younger, learned the same exact day.)

Proper way to hold a pencil - never learned, although my mother did her best... I guess she ran out of things to forbid. :)

Re: Late Learner too

[uzbradistan]

Ah yes, holding a pencil correctly: as someone was just pointing out to me the other day, I never did learn that one, either. :)

Re: Late Learner too

[alpine_tunnel]

I still hold a pencil in a death grip resting against my ring finger. Nobody ever taught me, and I only realized I was doing it wrong in junior high, and by then it was just too hard to re-learn everything.

[phaethon]

Ha, I never realized that you learned to ride from someone else. Makes sense, since my own lessons were similarly ill-fated. Unlike you, however, I still can't ride a bike. :)

It also took me a good while to "get" analog clocks, and if someone asks me for the time when I'm not expecting it, it usually takes me a second to process what my watch says. I always feel like an idiot when that happens, as there's an awkward pause before I answer their question.

[uzbradistan]

Unlike you, however, I still can't ride a bike. :)

!!! Well, hopefully, you'll have a friend to larn ya someday. It's not too hard.

It still takes me a moment to figure out the time from analog timepieces, which is why I go with digital watches. But I guess digital watches aren't really an option for chicks (or for dudes who prefer not to look like geeks).

[bearly_here]

I did the right motions for tying but somehow my bows never stayed in. Thank god for velcro, but I didn't know about velcro sneakers until college!

I had the same problem with analog clocks for the exact same reason and don't think I learned it until late in High School!

Want to learn how to ride a unicycle?

[uzbradistan]

Oh, man, unicycles... The idea's a bit too scary for me...

Which reminds me, just the other day I was walking down a Midtown sidewalk when suddenly I saw a dude who combined stilts with a unicycle, so to speak: this unicycle was five or six feet high. What a daredevil: all it would take is one unobservant New Yorker to slam into him and knock him over...

[basilwomack]

this might be the best blog post in internet history. This

[uzbradistan]

Thank you for the kind words

[kendellsquare]

How could I forget swimming! My mother made me keep taking them until I could pass the red cross advanced beginners course. I was an advanced beginner for three straight years. Humiliating...

Topper

[alpine_tunnel]

I feel your pain. I was a Minnow for three years, and only passed to Fish because the regular teacher was sick that day. Then I was in Fish for three years, until I begged my mother to let me quit because I was by far the oldest kid in the class. I was so much older than anyone else that the youngest sister (two siblings down) of one of my friends was in my class. I just could not do the kicks for breaststroke. Some of the most humiliating moments of my life were lying there on the cold clammy side of the pool while the teacher forced my legs to go through the motions of breaststroke kick, and I swear to you my legs and knees Just Don't Go In That Direction.