[Secret Santa 2010] Fanfiction: Goose Chase [1/?]

[tropicalna]

Title:  Goose Chase
Author: Tropicalna
Recipient: jime_chan
Word Count: 2,661
Rating: T
Warning: Perversions, Swearing, Threats, and Mild nudity
Characters: England, America, Scotland, N. Ireland, Wales, France, Hungary, brief glimpses of Japan and othersSummary: England’s brothers are determined to protect him. Hungary wants to make sure they have the perfect first date. France is only being France. And America just hopes that England remains oblivious to it all.



When America walked into England’s house a quarter to six, he expected to be greeted by a warm and friendly England. What he got however, was quite the opposite of that. He let himself in the door and announcing his presence with a loud, “England! I’m heee-eeeere!”

“I’ll be down in a bit!” England’s voice could be faintly heard. Eager to see his date (date, not boyfriend, at least not yet) America started to walk through the hallway only to have a door open suddenly behind him. Without warning he was dragged backwards, too shocked to put up a struggle against his assailant.

“What the fu-“ Before America could finish, a hand clamped down firmly over his mouth and effectively silenced him.

“Quiet.” A voice hissed in his ear before he was turned around to face his attackers. His eyes widened when he came face-to-faces with England’s brothers - all three of them. Well. That was rather unusual.

“Does England know you’re here?” America asked warily, eyeing the three of them. Nothing good came from all of England’s brothers being together in the same place.

“No.” Scotland hissed, eyes narrowed. “He doesn’t know we’re here, but you don’t have to tell him that, do you?”

America felt he didn’t have much of a choice, so he shook his head. “H-ha! ‘Course not. Don’t think it really matters to him! Um, is there something you wanted?” He didn’t know what exactly what he had done to get himself in this situation, but he wanted out of it.

“Yes, as a matter of fact.” Scotland took a step back, settling in the center of the trio. If America has read enough comic books (and he has) that would mean that he’s the one in charge. And Scotland being in charge has never really been a good thing.

“Listen, here, brat.” Northern Ireland stepped forward. “I hate England. England hates me. But that doesn’t change the fact that if anything bad happens to him tonight, it is your fault.”

“So if you injure him,” North Ireland leaned forward,

“Insult him,” Wales grabbed his shirt,

“Or make him cry for whatever reason,” Scotland put his face in America’s,

“You’re dead.” They finished unison, the deadly glint in their eyes unmistakable.

“I understand!” America said hurriedly as he threw up his hands in self defense, not doubting a word that they said. “I won’t do anything to hurt him!”

“Good. Then you take good care of him. We’ll know if you do...otherwise.” Scotland growled, leaning back as Wales released him.

“America?” England’s voice floated down towards them through the hallway. “Where are you? I could have sworn I heard you around here….”

With just as much warning as before he’d been dragged in, America was shoved back into the hallway with the door slamming shut behind him.

England poked his head out from the kitchen at the noise, frowning when he spotted America standing there dumbly. “Oh, there you are. I could have sworn I just checked this place. What were you doing in my closet?

“Closet?” America said blankly, staring for a moment before remembering that the space he’d just been in had been rather small…Or was it?  He’d been more preoccupied with the three brothers rather than the size of the room. “Er. Nothing. Accidentally shut myself in is all.”

“Good lord boy, how did you manage to do that?” England was approaching him now, dressed in simple black slacks and a white button-up shirt with long sleeves and a collar.

“Accident?” America offered sheepishly, admiring England silently with his eyes.

England rolled his eyes and sighed. “On second thought, I don’t want to know. Do you have any plans on where you’re taking me for dinner tonight?”

America blinked, taking a moment to register the question before he quickly nodded. “Well, I thought you might want to go to that one place, um...Wetherspoons, yea?”

England looked rather pleased with this choice, but his tone was perfectly even when he replied. “That sounds good enough, I suppose.”

America scoffed and was about to ready a retort for a moment before realizing that Wales was glaring out at him from the door. Don’t do what you’re planning on doing.

Quickly averting his gaze, he cleared his throat and flashed a smile. “Well, you know, if you want to go somewhere else I’ll be happy to take you.”

“No, no.” England reassured. “Wetherspoons is just fine. Very nice establishment. You chose well.”

America beamed. “Course I did, babe. Only the best I can afford- er, get for you!”

England blushed, turning his face away from America. “Ah, well. Thank you for your consideration of me, America.”

"Sure thing. Ready to go?"

"Yes, just let me get my coat on. It's chilly out tonight." England reached out and took his coat off the rack, slipping his arms through the sleeves.

America opened the door and stepped aside. "After you, my darling."

England rolled his eyes but smiled, stepping through the doorway with America not too far behind.
---
In a darkened room on the first floor, the Kirkland brothers watched the couple depart.

“Do you trust him?” Wales asked, leaning against the side of the window.

“No.” Scotland answered gruffly. “Which is why we’re going to follow them and make sure he doesn’t screw up.”

“Wait, what?” Wales did a double-take, but Scotland had already moved away from the window and towards the door.

“Come on!” He barked, yanking the door open. “We don’t want to lose sight of them for too long. I don’t want to go to the wrong Wetherspoons.”

Behind them, Northern Ireland snickered.

---

“Oh, this one…” England looked thoughtful as they approached the Wetherspoons establishment that America has destinated.

“Yea, I ate here a while ago.” America admitted. “I really liked the food here.”

“Ah, yes…the cooks at this one are rather good.” England admitted.

“Yes, but nowhere near good as your cooking.” America teased.

“Spare me.” England growled, looking both flustered and irritated. “Barely a day goes where you don’t insult my cooking.”

America swallowed thickly, realizing he had probably just dug himself into a very deep hole. “Well, uh. I meant your fish and chips!”

“I see.” England sniffed, but accepted the poor excuse. They entered the restaurant silently until they were greeted by a waitress.

“How many tonight?” She asked, starting to gather the menus from behind the desk for them.

“Just two!” America proudly declared. The waitress raised an eyebrow at them, but smiled. England flushed in embarrassment and smacked America lightly in the arm. Predictably, America remained oblivious to it.

“Very well then. Right this way.” Their waitress guided them to a small table for (just) two in the corner of the building, allowing them a wide view of the outside.

“Hey, uh, Arthur….” America’s grin was faltering as he looked over the menu. “I, uh, don’t really know what any of these dishes are.”

“I thought you said you ate here before?” England flipped a page of his menu, glancing up at America. “Shouldn’t you know some of this?”

“Yea, well, that was only once! And I ordered the Fish & Chips because that’s really the only thing I recognized.”

“I see. Very well, lean over here so I can explain what you’re interested in.” England set aside his own menu as America laid his flat on the table, all too happy to receive help.

Several minutes of debate later, America decided to just go with the Fish & Chips dish anyways. Leaning back in his chair, he went to flash a smile at England only for it to freeze comically into place as he spotted someone who definitely should not be right there. Hadn’t been there a moment ago last time he chcked.

France pressed his face a closer to the window and gave a little wave when he’d been spotted. America was mortified. Just how had he gotten up to the window without anyone noticing anyways!?

America gaped at the French Nation for a moment, unable to tear his gaze away until England rapped the tabletop sharply with his knuckles. “Alfred! Pay attention!”

“What?” America started in his seat, staring at England with his still wide eyes.

England sighed. “Your order, Alfred. Give her your order.”

“Oh, uh, right. Fish & Chips, please.” America said, at last acknowledging the waitress. As soon as she was gone though, France was capturing his attention again with a drawing of something America would rather not be thinking of right at this moment-

“America, is there something on my face?” England interrupted.

“Ah? No! Just, uh, noticing how beautiful you look tonight!” America said hastily.

“Eh?” England was clearly not expecting this response, his cheeks flushing red with the compliment. “Well, thank you. You look nice too.”

“Uh-huh.” America nodded, trying not to be distracted by the images that were being flashed just behind England’s head.

God, if he ever lived through this embarrassment, he was going to beat France to a pulp and steal all his wine.

---

In a not-so-far away location (AKA right across the street from where they were dining), Hungary was holding a pair of binoculars to her eyes when her pocket started to vibrate.

Checking the Caller ID onscreen, she smiled and hit the ‘answer’ button. “Hello, Japan!”

“Hello, Hungary-san.” Japan greeted politely. “I hope I'm not interrupting something. I just wanted to know if everything is evening?”

Hungary lifted the binoculars to her eyes again. “Oh, everything is going wonderfully.” She replied distractedly.

“Ah…” Japan faltered. “I was asking about you, not them. But it’s good to know that everything is going well so far.”

“Mhmm.” Hungary bobbed her head, even though Japan couldn’t see. “They’re eating at Wetherspoons right now. Oh, they make such a lovely couple; you should be here to see them.”

“Yes, well, I have other matters to attend to as well…..I’m sure you’ll get very nice pictures of them together.”

“Of course.” Hungary assured. “I’ve already got a few nice ones you’ll be pleased with.”

“Ah, thank you…” Kiku mumbled through the speaker.

“Anytime…” Hungary trailed off, her mind racing ahead briefly to what other pictures she could get before she refocused her binoculars on the couple again.

-Wait. Wait a minute. Had that person been there before, blocking her view? No, most definitely not. Hungary narrowed her eyes and leaned forward, jerking in alarm when she recognized who it was.

“Ah, Hungary-san? Is there something wrong?” Japan’s puzzled voice came in over the phone after several moments of silence. Hungary shook her head for a moment before replying.

“Ah, excuse me Japan, but I have some business to take care of.” She clicked the ‘end’ button without waiting for an answer, shifting the bag on her shoulder as she stood up marched over to where France was.

He was so dead when she got there.

---

America was extremely uncomfortable and flustered five minutes into viewing the slideshow that was going on in the window behind England.

“Is something wrong?” England inquired after America turned his head away in the middle of their conversation for the umpteenth time.

“Er, no.” America snapped his gaze back to England’s, forcing a smile and trying very hard not to look what lay just behind the glass pane.

England’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Abruptly he whipped his head around to see what was behind him that was so distracting and saw - nothing. He waited for a moment before turning back around to face America. “I see.” There was something in England’s voice that America couldn’t quite pinpoint, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to either.

America laughed nervously.

---

“You.” Hungary hissed angrily at France, crouching over his collapsed form. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

France groaned, rubbing at the frying pan induced bump on his head. “Ah, darling, I was only showing America how to make the correct advancements on Angleter- Ouch!” He curled away and covered his head with his arms, the new bump throbbing even more painfully then the last.

“Well, you’re doing it wrong.” Hungary sniffed, readjusting her grip on her frying pan. “You don’t rush these types of things. At least….” A strange glint entered into her eyes. “Not yet you don’t.”

France snorted and got rebuked with another whack to the head.

---

“Oi, did you see that?” North Ireland pointed over to the bushes outside of the restaurant.

“See what?” Scotland snapped, irritated as it was from having taken a wrong turn thanks to Wales.

“Over there, in those bushes right outside where they’re dining.” North Ireland pointed it out for them. “Could ‘ave sworn I saw movement in there just a moment ago. Like that French dude.”

The other two brothers peered at the bushes for several seconds before Wales his head. “Don’t see anything, brawd. Probably just the wind or the fairies.”

North Ireland frowned, not believing them for an instant. He opened his mouth to reply sharply that he had seen someone there, but then thought better of it. Let them be ignorant, it wasn’t his problem.

And, well. He did sort of hope it was who he thought he’d seen. Because if it really is who I thought it was trying to do what he is usually trying to do, then he’ll get to see England embarrassed and beat someone up. He couldn’t see how he could possibly lose in this situation.

---

“Did you enjoy your dinner tonight sirs?” The waitress asked as she handed them the bill.

“Yes, thank you. It was a very nice dinner.” England politely replied, reaching for his wallet to pay.

“Oh, Arthur!” America reached out and stopped him. “I’ll pay for this meal! I mean, um, if that’s okay with you.”

England raised an eyebrow. “Normally I wouldn’t protest, but I don’t think you have the right currency.”

“Ah….” America faltered, hesitating. “Well, uh, let me check!” He was clearly stalling for time, but England allowed him the decency of looking into his wallet. Much to America’s surprise, he did have the right kind of money.

“Hey, Arthur, help me sort these out.” America pulled out a wad of pounds, causing England’s eyebrows to shoot straight up into his hairline.

“Well. This is a first.” Evidently pleased with the turn of events, England helped him sort out the bills without complaint. He didn’t even protest when America let his hands linger too long over his as they worked together, blushing faintly whenever he did.

When they at last had fumbled out correct amount sorted, they left a tip and paid at the register before departing for the exit.

“Here, let me get that for you.” Eager to please, America slid ahead of England and opened the door for him.

England graced him with a small smile as he walked through the doorway. “Thank you, America.”

America opened his mouth to reply, but froze when he caught sight of a familiar shock of unruly red hair across the street. A quick glance confirmed that he was with two others.

Oh God. America didn’t want to believe it, but he looked closer at the spot anyways and felt his stomach dropped when he realized that yes, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Irelandhad followed them here on their date.

“America?” A hand waved itself suddenly in front of his face. “Hello, earth to America. Are you going to stand there and hold the door open all day, or are we going to get a move on?”

America jerked, blinking rapidly for a moment before he regained his senses. “Oh, uh, sorry! I was just thinking about some stuff.”

“About what, I wonder.” England mused, smiling as he tugged gently on America’s hand. “Come on, love. There are more interesting things to do than stand about here all evening.”

Momentarily distracted from the presence of England’s brothers, America mentally cheered himself on for getting to the holding hand stage (Yea! Score one for the awesome American Hero!).  “Whatever you want, babe.”

The thoughts England’s brothers and the worries about France were briefly put to the back of his mind as America walked hand in hand with England to the park. As long as France stayed out of the picture, he didn’t see how anything else could be a problem.

This assumption later proved to be a Very Big Mistake.

---

Author's Notes:
to jime_chan: I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of combining all three of your prompts. Belated Merry Christmas~!

Wetherspoons: According to my one of two British sources, this is supposed to be a fairly common and popular restaurant in the UK. I've probably butchered the way people are served there, but bear with me anyways.

I'll be revising the accents of England's brothers, most likely. Unfortunately my personal "expert" on accents (and coincidentally, my beta) signed off right as I finished. Expect changes if you check back within the next week.

The next part will be after Finals!