Third 'Five Times...' Xena Prompt!
For rowan_d
1.
It wasn't so much a nightmare as it was a lack of sleep.
It hangs around Xena's eyes, which are hard and watching the edge of the forest.
And Gabrielle wonders what kind of ghosts lurk here to make the warrior so tense.
They've only been traveling together for a moon. And its been fraught with mistakes - mostly Gabrielle's own stumbling and fumbling and naivete.
Xena's left her in so many towns by this point that Gabrielle contemplates going back home.
Back to the farm, to her father's rules, to her mother's food, to her bed and to Lila.
She doesn't want me here. Why am I here? Why do I persist?
And it isn't a nightmare, but a lack of sleep.
Gabrielle can hear endless cuts through the atmosphere. Gabrielle can smell the heaviness of the air - leaves and dirt and sweat... Xena's sweat.
And mixed in there is the tang of salty tears, rolling down ruddy cheeks and sliding over hot metal... Xena is crying and fighting and I can't leave, not yet, I can't leave her like this.
She keeps her eyes hidden and slitted, watching Xena collapse to the ground, mere inches away tonight. And Gabrielle waits for the warrior to drift to sleep to lay her hand out, like a palm to a skittish colt, along Xena's weary arm.
I won't leave you now, not when you need someone, Xena.
---
2.
Certain days roll around and Xena is a shadow upon the ground, no longer physically present.
Gabrielle fears that, one day, she'll reach out and the woman won't be there... just a dark form, hollow and blank.
Certain days roll around and Xena holds onto Gabrielle tightly - whether with strong arms or pleading eyes or with whispered words. And Gabrielle doesn't know what to do with this kind of dependence, this kind of desperate need. She fears that if she becomes Xena's savior, who will be left to save her?
But when those days come by, when they shake the warrior loose of any kind of sanity, when they tear at Xena's soul like a wolf to a carcass... Gabrielle cannot turn away.
She opens up her arms and Xena falls into them, trembling and staring off into nothingness... staring off into another time where terrible things occurred.
And Gabrielle reaches out. And that shadow takes shape. And they cling to one another in the darkness of the woods, one of them strong and one of them broken.
One of them longing to display their terror and one of them willing to see it.
---
3.
It breaks free quietly, cutting a path over skin and bone and telling a story.
Gabrielle wants to ask, wants to know, wants to bear witness to some sad tale and then - maybe then - Xena could be done with whatever it is.
But it never goes that way.
Xena fights and fights, until there is nothing left to kill or battle or win.
And Gabrielle knows where the woman goes after moments like this, slipping away from accolades and stunned villagers.
She knows that Xena drifts to a place of solitude, a place to fall apart.
Gabrielle wants to follow, wants to comfort, wants to cup this sorrow and pour it away and then - maybe then - Xena could be free of whatever it is.
But it never goes that way.
Xena weeps alone. And Gabrielle can only watch from a distance.
---
4.
It's hard for her, every day, to know that some of that pain is from her own hand.
It's hard for her to know that they could do that to one another.
And most times, it is in the background, because they dealt with it... in a lot of ways.
But there are mornings where Xena watches her like a wounded man watches his comrades move away from the battlefield... before her eyes go watery and she grinds the agony away.
And, crystal clear, Gabrielle sees just how deep this cut goes.
---
5.
She wants to keep thinking this - it is selfish, it is wrong, it is hurtful and Xena could stop it if the warrior wanted to. If Xena really wanted to, she could stop all of this.
But in armor so familiar and in robes so new, in battle-dusted locks and in a black waterfall of hair, in eyes of blue... brighter than Zeus's bolts of lightening... Gabrielle catches a glimpse of how much this is costing Xena.
It's not just the land or the traveling or the passing of time, it's not just that. That is not all Xena will miss. And Gabrielle stretches out for the last chance to hold her friend, her family, her everything.
And Xena reveals herself in her own face, turning back to what Gabrielle imagines a five year old Xena might have looked, full bottom lip and glassy gaze - a girl about to lose her most precious joy.
Losing a father, losing a brother, losing her home, losing her heart, losing her soul... all of that in Xena's face, all of it crashing down - right now - in Gabrielle's hold.
And now me, you must lose me last of all...
It is selfish and wrong and hurtful and they should be able to stop this.
But in a world that gave to them and took from them, they can't change anything.
Okay, so that last one is sad from both perspectives in a BIG way.
Hope you still like it - and all of them [lol]
1.
It wasn't so much a nightmare as it was a lack of sleep.
It hangs around Xena's eyes, which are hard and watching the edge of the forest.
And Gabrielle wonders what kind of ghosts lurk here to make the warrior so tense.
They've only been traveling together for a moon. And its been fraught with mistakes - mostly Gabrielle's own stumbling and fumbling and naivete.
Xena's left her in so many towns by this point that Gabrielle contemplates going back home.
Back to the farm, to her father's rules, to her mother's food, to her bed and to Lila.
She doesn't want me here. Why am I here? Why do I persist?
And it isn't a nightmare, but a lack of sleep.
Gabrielle can hear endless cuts through the atmosphere. Gabrielle can smell the heaviness of the air - leaves and dirt and sweat... Xena's sweat.
And mixed in there is the tang of salty tears, rolling down ruddy cheeks and sliding over hot metal... Xena is crying and fighting and I can't leave, not yet, I can't leave her like this.
She keeps her eyes hidden and slitted, watching Xena collapse to the ground, mere inches away tonight. And Gabrielle waits for the warrior to drift to sleep to lay her hand out, like a palm to a skittish colt, along Xena's weary arm.
I won't leave you now, not when you need someone, Xena.
---
2.
Certain days roll around and Xena is a shadow upon the ground, no longer physically present.
Gabrielle fears that, one day, she'll reach out and the woman won't be there... just a dark form, hollow and blank.
Certain days roll around and Xena holds onto Gabrielle tightly - whether with strong arms or pleading eyes or with whispered words. And Gabrielle doesn't know what to do with this kind of dependence, this kind of desperate need. She fears that if she becomes Xena's savior, who will be left to save her?
But when those days come by, when they shake the warrior loose of any kind of sanity, when they tear at Xena's soul like a wolf to a carcass... Gabrielle cannot turn away.
She opens up her arms and Xena falls into them, trembling and staring off into nothingness... staring off into another time where terrible things occurred.
And Gabrielle reaches out. And that shadow takes shape. And they cling to one another in the darkness of the woods, one of them strong and one of them broken.
One of them longing to display their terror and one of them willing to see it.
---
3.
It breaks free quietly, cutting a path over skin and bone and telling a story.
Gabrielle wants to ask, wants to know, wants to bear witness to some sad tale and then - maybe then - Xena could be done with whatever it is.
But it never goes that way.
Xena fights and fights, until there is nothing left to kill or battle or win.
And Gabrielle knows where the woman goes after moments like this, slipping away from accolades and stunned villagers.
She knows that Xena drifts to a place of solitude, a place to fall apart.
Gabrielle wants to follow, wants to comfort, wants to cup this sorrow and pour it away and then - maybe then - Xena could be free of whatever it is.
But it never goes that way.
Xena weeps alone. And Gabrielle can only watch from a distance.
---
4.
It's hard for her, every day, to know that some of that pain is from her own hand.
It's hard for her to know that they could do that to one another.
And most times, it is in the background, because they dealt with it... in a lot of ways.
But there are mornings where Xena watches her like a wounded man watches his comrades move away from the battlefield... before her eyes go watery and she grinds the agony away.
And, crystal clear, Gabrielle sees just how deep this cut goes.
---
5.
She wants to keep thinking this - it is selfish, it is wrong, it is hurtful and Xena could stop it if the warrior wanted to. If Xena really wanted to, she could stop all of this.
But in armor so familiar and in robes so new, in battle-dusted locks and in a black waterfall of hair, in eyes of blue... brighter than Zeus's bolts of lightening... Gabrielle catches a glimpse of how much this is costing Xena.
It's not just the land or the traveling or the passing of time, it's not just that. That is not all Xena will miss. And Gabrielle stretches out for the last chance to hold her friend, her family, her everything.
And Xena reveals herself in her own face, turning back to what Gabrielle imagines a five year old Xena might have looked, full bottom lip and glassy gaze - a girl about to lose her most precious joy.
Losing a father, losing a brother, losing her home, losing her heart, losing her soul... all of that in Xena's face, all of it crashing down - right now - in Gabrielle's hold.
And now me, you must lose me last of all...
It is selfish and wrong and hurtful and they should be able to stop this.
But in a world that gave to them and took from them, they can't change anything.
Okay, so that last one is sad from both perspectives in a BIG way.
Hope you still like it - and all of them [lol]