The Botts! A Random Legacy Challenge: 1.1
Last time on The Botts! A Random Legacy Challenge:
I introduced you to our founders, Norma and Harvey Bott. Norma insulted a small child. A few neighbors came over to welcome the Botts to the neighborhood. Norma got into a fight with one of them, a girl named Alouette. Harvey and Norma had a pillow fight. Go!
This chapter begins with our foundress riding her bike to the military base.
Norma: “I think I’ve finally found my calling. For real this time!”
Norma is a bit of a Job Hopper, you see. Meaning she will go through several jobs (she either keeps them until she reaches level 5 or after a sim week, depending on the job) before she finally sticks to one. This time she’s going to join the military.
Oh, Norma, darling. That’s incredibly sweet, but the two of you only have a little over 200 simoleons to your names. You can’t even afford a dresser, let alone a child.
But that’s why Norma heads off to work the next morning as a Latrine Cleaner. Sounds lovely.
Norma: “I’ll have you know that toilet scrubbing is a very competitive career field!”
Harvey: “Oh boy. We are definitely not going to be able to afford this house on Norma’s paycheck alone. Looks like it’s time for me to get back to my novels again!”
Harvey is an aspiring author and a good writer. The only problem is he’s been having trouble getting his books published. Another contributing factor is that Harvey doesn’t believe in owning a computer (a waste of electricity in his opinion) so he has to go down to the library to write.
And that’s exactly where he goes. Harvey’s writing a Sci-Fi novel called The Quantum Malfactor.
Harvey: “The publisher said my last book was ‘too fluffy’. Though I suppose with the main character being a bunny rabbit, fluff was a bit unavoidable... No matter, I’ll show him with my latest book! It has seven very descriptive death scenes. That’s right. Seven. Let’s see him try and turn this one down.”
Looks like Norma’s first day of work didn’t go so well.
Norma: “Latrine cleaning... is a very... competitive... career.” *hyperventilates*
Norma always does the laundry in her underwear. I can’t figure out if it’s because of her Inappropriate trait or if she’s just doing all her clothes. Either way it’s kinda funny.
And look! Thanks to Norma’s first paycheck, we can finally afford a bike for Harvey! No more begging Norma to let him borrow hers, no siree bob.
Norma: “The education career is starting to look reeeeaaaally good right about now.”
Now that Harvey’s just about finished with The Quantum Malfactor, he’s decided to register as a self-employed writer. Gotta keep working towards more cash so we can finally get this legacy going!
After the two of them came home from work that night, Harvey and Norma realized that they hadn’t had much time alone together since getting jobs.
Harvey: “I really miss you, Norma. Which is a strange thing to say, I know, seeing as we live together.”
Norma: “I understand completely, Harv. I feel the same way.”
Harvey: “I just can’t wait until we’ve saved up enough to afford a baby. You’ll be a great mother, I just know it.”
Norma: “Wait, really? You mean that? Because if you’re lying, I’ll have to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you, Harvey.”
Harvey: “Of course I mean it! We’ll be great parents, I’m sure of it. I wish we could start now.”
Norma: “Don’t worry, It’ll happen soon enough. Just be patient for a little bit longer.”
Harvey finished The Quantum Malfactor and it turned out to be a best seller! Way to go, Harv. I think he’s earned over a hundred simoleons in royalties for it so far. Not a bad start.
It wasn’t enough for them to afford a baby, but the house seemed like it was missing something, so they splurged on a kitten. His name is Archer, he’s a mixed breed, and his traits are Hyper, Adventurous, and Friendly. He’s the sweetest little thing.
He seems to have taken to Norma right away.
Norma: “Who’s my favorite little guy?”
Archer: “Mew.”
Harvey: “I thought I was your favorite..”
Harvey, not so much. He’s not exactly what you’d call a “cat person”.
Harvey: “Well, Norma seems to like you, so I’ll give it a go. Hello there Archer, would you care to sniff my hand?”
Archer: WHAT NO FUCK YOU YOU PERVERT. I mean... hiss.
Harvey: “WHOAKAY not gonna do that again. Um... please like me? For my wife?”
Harvey: “Um... dogs like treats, so maybe you do too..?”
Archer: *sniffs* Is that salmon? ...I will consider your token, human male.
Harvey: “Oh, so you like to play, do you?”
Archer: On occasion, yes. Bring me more of your delectable salmon cookies and maybe we’ll talk.
Harvey: “Oh-ho, Norma, will you look at this! Archer wants to chase me, how fun!”
Archer: BRING ME MORE OF YOUR SALMON COOKIES YOU SILLY HUMAN.
Not exactly sure why, but I keep hearing Archer's voice in my head as the taunting frenchmen from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Harvey: “Know what? This little guy isn’t so bad after all, are you?”
Archer: Salmon cookies. In my mouth. Make it so.
In order to make the promotion-getting process easier, I sent Norma down to the gym to sharpen her athletic skill.
Norma: “Okay. No. Norma Jean Bott doesn’t do moving floors. That right there’s just asking for trouble. Nope. See ya. Bye.”
Norma: “Well wait just a gosh darn minute here, this ain’t so bad!”
Norma: “ALRIGHT, NOPE. I TAKE IT ALL BACK. NORMA JEAN BOTT DOES NOT DO MOVING FLOORS.”
Oh my goodness he is so cute I can’t even jh;kdhsf;jalsdfjk; ♥
Archer: Pathetic ball of paper, I SHALL MAKE YOU RUE THE DAY YOU BECAME A SIMPLE CRUMPLED BALL OF PAPER.
Following the success of his first novel, Harvey began writing his second. It’s a comedy called Buying Back Bently. I’ve been letting the game name them for me so far.
Harvey: “Some critics called The Quantum Malfactor ‘excessively edgy’, saying my seven death sequences were ‘ridiculously overstated and redundant’. Thought I’d try a comedy this time.”
Seeing as Norma Jean Bott “doesn’t do moving floors”, she thought she’d give the workout bench a try.
Norma: “This? HNNNNGGG- not an improvement.”
After visiting the Appaloosa Plains public library with Harvey several times, I’ve been noticing some strange people hanging around- this guy being the worst offender. He will be known as No Pants Guy from this moment on.
No Pants Guy: “You know, some people think guys pairing oversized shirts with underwear is very en vogue right now.”
Book Girl: “More power to ya, but I am not one of those people.”
Birthday time for Archer already?! He’s only been a kitten for three sim days!
Ah well, he’s still adorable.
Archer: The human female is mine. I must protect her from the silly pig dog that is the human male.
Harvey: “C’mon Archer, get down. I need a place to sleep too.”
Archer: Damn him. Damn him and his ability to carry me.
Archer: Ahem. Human male. I am hungry. Fill my dish please. Human male. Human male. Human male. Human male. Human male. Human male.
Harvey: “WHAT DO YOU WANT, ARCHER? Jesus Christ, stop meowing at me! There’s food in your dish if that’s what you want. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going back to sleep seeing as it’s five in the morning. That cat, I swear..”
Harvey: “Oh Archer, you’re the cutest little thing ever!”
Archer: You’re alright too... I suppose.
Harvey: “Kissies!”
Archer: Are you aware that there is a naked human female on your arm?
Norma: “AW YEAH, no more toilet cleaning for this girl! That’s right, I’m a Mess Hall Server now! WOO!”
You go gurl, keep climbin’ that corporate ladder~
Norma: “Harvey? It’s time.”
Harvey: “It’s time? Time for wha- oh right! It’s time!”
♥
Um, Archer? You’re going to want to evacuate the premises as soon as possible.
Harvey: “It’s time. Finally.”
Norma: “Mhmm.”
♥
I’ve never had two sims autonomously flirt after woohooing. This is beyond cute.
Harvey: “C’mon Archer, get the little red bug! Get him!”
Archer: SATAN.
A week had passed since Norma’s last fight, and (quite conveniently) she wished to go to a bar. So that’s exactly what happened.
Norma: “Hey you, barman, yeah, you. I need a drink ASAP.”
Says the more-likely-than-not pregnant lady.
Norma: “Ooookay maybe that wasn’t the best idea.”
What’d I tell ya?
Norma: “Um, sir, you’ve been playing that video game all night. I think it’s time someone else had a turn. Namely ME, the poor and defenseless pregnant woman in the room!”
HAHAHAHA OH GOD DEFENSELESS. Good one.
Benjamin: “Jeez, all you had to do was ask! And not to be judgmental or anything, but if you’re pregnant, shouldn’t you be at home instead of a bar?”
Norma: “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You probably think I belong barefoot in the kitchen too, don’t you? Well guess what mister, I answer to no man! In fact, my man answers to me! As should every man!”
Benjamin: “Whoa, calm down! I’m sorry, I meant no offense!”
Norma: “Meant no offense? Yeah right, you men are all the same. You’re all sexist pigs. It’s horrible, but that’s the world we live in today. And you know what? It’s ALL YOUR FAULT.”
Benjamin: “Look, whatever I did to upset you, I’m sorry I did it. Please forgive me. I’m actually a really nice guy if you get to kn-”
Norma: “Save it, I don’t wanna hear it! I’m done talking to you.”
It was around this point that I realized that pregnant women can’t fight. D’oh. Things got weird, though. Norma declared this poor fool her nemesis and his response was to put the moves on her. How embarrassing.
Norma: “Way to prove my point. You disgust me.”
Back at home, Archer was derpin’ around with his toy mouse and got all the way up to level 4 in the hunting skill. Good job, Archer.
I’ll bring the chapter to an uneventful close here. Next time:
• Babies are born at last
• More Archer being Archer
• Norma has her weekly fight (for real this time)
• More stuff that I’m unsure of because I haven’t played that far in advance
Thanks for reading, until next time! <3