Saving Life - Chapter Ten
Thanks again for all the nice reviews! I loved them and I hope you'll be as happy with the next chapter as I am with receiving your replies. ^^
Part: 10/12
Author: Usagi-Atemu-Tom
Warnings: slash, SPOILER for Transformers Movies 1+2
Pairings: Jazz/Prowl
Feedback: Please, yes, I love feedback! =^^=
Summary: When one mech is on the edge of being offlined forever, another mech realises the truth of his past and the destiny he is supposed to have. But what do you do, when you wake up from the brink of death just to stare into the eyes of what is supposed to be the enemy? If you happen to be an ops mech - you collect your answers of course.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine I don't make money with it and write only for fun and to get better in writing English. ^_^
Helpful Pointers:
Vorn - 83 years
Stellar-cycle - 7.5 months
Orn - 13 days
Joor - 8 hours
Breem - 6 minutes
Astrosecond - 5/6ths of a second
Klick - 1 millisecond
"..." - Speaking
/.../ - Sparkbond speaking
Please note that I've only ever watched the two movies from 2007 and 2009. While I've 'met' a lot of Transformers from the comics and cartoons, that more often than not show up in fanfics I, of course, have not seen them in action and therefore might not be able to interpret their characters right. I am using mostly what I've learned through the movie (and maybe fanfics) and while catching some ideas here and there I am mainly using my very own ideas for things like energon, space bridges and so on.
And not to forget, much thanks to Taralynden for betareading.
Also, the inspiration for Prowl's and Jazz's past was mostly taken from the fanfic 'Story of a lifetime' written by the wonderful Taralynden. This was taken with her permission. Go and read her story, you'll love it.
Jazz and Prowl both watched the Autobots deep in discussion with the humans just outside their hearing range. Not that the distance mattered. If Jazz had not been so gravely injured, and if he really wanted to listen in, he could have initiated some of his special programs to enhance his hearing range. Or simply hacked his subordinate's comm-line. "If" being the key word. Even in the case that his programs were fully functional, the saboteur felt no desire to eavesdrop.
He just felt tired, deeply and utterly exhausted. Now that the heat of the moment was over, the Decepticons gone, the bond settled down a bit and Prowl safe - at least from being overtaken by the virus again - the saboteur could finally let his thoughts wander. And he was not sure if that was a good thing at all, because with the freedom to think came doubt.
"Did Ah do th' right thin'?" Jazz wondered aloud, his question a series of chirps and clicks, the familiar sounds of their creation language.
Prowl, who had actually drifted off into a half recharge from exhaustion, jolted online again, a sense of inquiry floating through their bond.
"What do you mean?" he asked, confused by the vague question.
"When we realized that th' virus was still there an' could be activated again, mah first impulse was t' end it all", the special ops officer confessed to his bondmate. "But Ah felt ya through th' bond. Felt yer feelin's of terror an' pain but underneath that all Ah could also feel yer desperation that ya did not want t' end here. That's th' whole reason why Ah came up wit' this crazy plan in first case. Ah went wit' yer need t' survive. An' Ah clung t' what ya told meh t' believe in. Ah've not forgotten yer words from so long ago, Sparkles. Ah still try t' believe in ya."
Jazz paused for a moment, allowing air to leave his vents while watching his bondmate from the corner of his optics hidden by his visor. Through his spark he could feel Prowl's full focus on him now, accompanied by feelings of concern and careful masked alarm. He did not allow it to faze him and continued talking.
"It's jus' now that th' heat of th' situation is over, Ah come t' realise a lot of things. Look at our comrades. They're divided, because some of'em believe us t' be Decepticon spies. They will be hard t' convince now, least til Ratch' there finds out what exactly is hidin' pocketed in his subspace. An' it'll take some time t' analyse that sample. After all, he doesn't know what he's lookin' at there."
"That is not too much of a problem though", Prowl tried to soothe his bonded's worries. "They always trusted you before, even knowing what your job was. If having a Decepticon as a bondmate has shaken that trust so much, perhaps you should consider taking a break from duty to give them time to see that you're still who you always were and that I haven't corrupted you. Allow them to keep an optic on you, if that makes them feel better. You'll rebuild their trust in time, and eventually they may also accept me through their faith in you until I can prove who I am."
"That's true, but it's not just th' mistrust towards us that's bothering meh, Prowler. Ah expected that, given th' circumstances. But look at all that's happened within these nearly six stellar-cycles. Before that, especially after we had t' separate for th' search of th' Allspark, Ah told mahself again an' again that all we must do was put an' end t' Megatron. That mighta been a really tough task, but Ah believed wit' all mah spark, if Megatron was out of th' picture then we could finally find peace. But now it turns out that even killin' Megatron did do nothin' because he returned right back from th' pit. An' really, Sparkles, if that mech don't even stay offline when he gets terminated, what's left t' fight for? Maybe", he paused for another moment and Prowl could finally feel the confusion, pain and depression seeping through the bond that Jazz had bottled in for some time now. In fact the saboteur's mood had gone downhill right after he found out what happened during the whole time he was out from his injuries.
"Maybe we really should've simply gone t' th' Well of Allsparks. At least there we would've found peace - t'gether."
"Jazz", Prowl choked out, his feelings of shock and comfort bursting through their bond in waves, trying to embrace Jazz and help him through the amount of depression he was fighting. The tactician however got no chance to voice any words of comfort for his mate, because they were interrupted by someone else calling to them.
"Are you alright?"
Both mechs were startled out of their bond's connection and looked down in front of them, right into the worried eyes of one Sam Witwicky. If Prowl had had any doubts, in spite of the feelings he received through their bond, the depth of Jazz's depression was confirmed by the fact that the saboteur seemed to be as surprised as him by the human's proximity.
Also, Jazz did not even try to put his usual mask of aloofness back on. He simply acted as he felt: tired and miserable. Never, as long as he had known his bondmate, had Prowl witnessed him in this bad a mood. Usually when the saboteur was depressed his awareness increased, he became more dangerous to his surroundings and he did his best to play down what he really felt.
"Hey kid!" the head of special ops greeted the young man and to Prowl's relief he at least tried to give the human a smile, small as it was. "Shouldn't yah be over there wit' all th' other's decidin' over th' fate of th' bad'n'dangerous spies?"
The worried look did not leave the young man's eyes, but the questions caused him to scrunch up his face none-the-less.
"Nah, you know how it is", Sam dismissed the inquiry with a casual wave of his hand. "All that serious war-stuff is just for soldiers and such. Me, I am just a civilian, remember? I have no say in this anyway and I am not really interested, to be honest. I pity Will enough as it is every time the poor man tries to voice his thoughts with loudly arguing 'bots."
He grinned slightly, hoping to lighten the mood a bit with casual talk. However, instead of sharing in the humor of it all, both mechs looked more scandalised than anything else.
"Why'd they not teach ya fightin', Sam?" Jazz asked seriously. "Ah mean, come on: ya killed Megatron, Ah've heard. That alone should mark ya as every 'Con's favourite target."
"Besides Megatron never forgives nor forgets", Barricade added equally seriously. "He has been resurrected, that makes it even worse. Also, I heard you saved Optimus Prime's life, something the Decepticons will not have taken kindly. If not for the danger to your life, at least your heroic actions towards Prime should have earned you the right to learn to fight among us."
At those last words, Sam's face darkened. Even his worry over the two mechs seemed forgotten.
"Saving Optimus' life was hardly anything admirable", the young man told them, voice full of sorrow and surprisingly obvious self-hate. "It was the least I could have done. After all, it was my damn fault Optimus was killed in first place."
Both mechs looked at each other in surprise. Of course they did not know every detail about what happened back then, they only had what Prowl was able to gather through the comm-lines.
"What exactly happened?" Jazz was the first to ask. "We know that Megatron got ya an' Optimus fell while tryin' t' rescue ya. That hardly makes it yer fault, though. It ain't like ya asked t' be taken by Megatron in the first place."
"I as good as did by sending them all away", the young man told them bitterly. "When Optimus first approached me, he asked for my help. But I was so busy trying to lead a NORMAL life that I just brushed his request off, telling him that he was Optimus Prime and he didn't need my help with anything. I flat out refused a FRIEND, Jazz! I pushed them away from me, even Bumblebee, saying they were keeping me from being normal. And the next time I turn around Optimus is out there, his spark getting pierced by Megatron's weapon while he tried to protect me. To PROTECT me. ME, the friend who did not even want to help because it would put my normal world out of order."
Sam stopped his quick talking, realizing that he just brought himself into a full rant, and took a deep breath. With wide eyes he looked up into first Jazz's, then Barricade's glowing optics.
"After what happened I felt like the biggest ass on Earth", he confessed in a whisper. "Guilt ate at me and all I could think of was how I could undo what I did. Back then, contact with a splinter of the Allspark caused me to suddenly see symbols inside my head and I realized that instead of going crazy, I needed to find someone who would be able to read them, because they were meant to tell me something. So, we found out about the Matrix of Leadership and all I saw was a chance to save Optimus, to redeem myself. See? That's all it was about, that glorious action back in Egypt. It was simply payback, a way to repay myself for what I did."
Spent by his little outburst the young man sunk down to the ground and shook his head sadly. He no longer dared seek eye to optic contact with the two mechs, too afraid of what he might find.
Jazz and Prowl, however, shared a simple look and exchange through the bond, coming to a decision. For a moment, even the saboteur's depression was all but forgotten.
"Ah still say ya did somethin' very brave", the head of special ops voiced their opinion. "Helpin' us nowadays means getting thrown into a war. It's totally understandable that ya did not wish for that. An' just because someone feels guilty does not mean ever'one woulda done what ya did, riskin' their life t' get this Matrix of Leadership an' savin' Optimus Prime wit' it. Ya did good, kid. In fact ya did great an' even mah mate approves of that. So don't feel guilty anymore an' hold yer head proudly. Ya're a good kid, an' Ah won't think differently of ya because of this. An' that's final!"
The last sentence he added in a very firm and commanding voice, causing the human to look at him open mouthed.
"You really mean that?" he asked. "I mean, Bee tells me stuff like this all the time, but we are best friends, and friends are supposed to forgive each other and all that and personally I think he is a bit biased, because he protected me from the moment we met and Optimus is kinda nice to everyone so he doesn't count as well and I see I am rambling again so I stop now, just thank you again and all."
Sam trailed off, after noticing the grin the saboteur was showing. Through their bond Jazz could feel his own amusement was shared with Prowl as well, though he barely showed it on the outside.
/Doesn't he remind ya of some 'bot we all know an' love no matter th' ramblin'?/ the saboteur inquired with fondness floating through the bond. /Maybe yah end up as th' human's mentor as well? An' can ya see th' bright side? This time th' age'd be fine as well, jus' for yer comfort./
Prowl's only answer to that comment was a soft snort and a shake of his head. Jazz grinned.
Done with talking, all three fell into a comfortable silence, until Sam suddenly roused to his two feet again, stepping up right to Barricade's massive form.
"I do wonder", the human mused, "what did you look like before you became a Decepticon? Can you still remember that?"
The reaction was immediate. Tension filled the air and both mechs looked at the young man in a mix of surprise and mistrust.
"What makes yah think mah bondmate looked any different before he became a Deception?" Jazz asked trying to sound innocent and unconcerned about the question. Sam shrugged his shoulders. He looked at ease, either not noticing the effect of his question or simply ignoring it.
"It's just that with all the fights I've seen, I noticed a little pattern concerning the looks of the Decepticons", the young man tried to explain. "They usually look a lot spikier and more intimidating than you Autobots. No offense, Jazz, and I still think you guys look intimidating enough for me, but even though I personally think that your own looks differ a bit from the rest of your comrades, I still feel a bit more intimidated by Barricade there.
"Anyway, there is also the fact that, even though we had no chance to get to know each other before Mission City happened, this doesn't mean Bee did not tell me a lot about you. I know all about Meister, "Jazz", your hand in Bee's training, the crazy stuff you did", he paused for a moment before he added with a short smile, "and Prowl. Well, I know as much as Bee was willing to share. I realise by now that ops seems to be a lot about secrets, even after a member died. And since I got to know a bit about you within these three years, I have to agree with Bee.
"There is more to you suddenly having a Decepticon as bondmate. From what I was told, you are loyal to the Autobots and you were always faithful to Prowl. You would never hurt him on purpose and you would never defect, it's not your style. I think the fact that you put yourself in front of Megatron to save us, speaks for itself here."
At this, Sam threw a pointed look at Jazz before he concentrated his attention on Barricade.
"Then there is how I remember Barricade the first time we... well - met. And I can clearly say you are not the same mech. There is a difference in your actions. Given all these facts I conclude that Barricade was not a Decepticon to begin with. He might not even be one right now by choice. And because of that I have this hunch that he looked different before he had to join the Decepticons, for whatever reason it was."
Looking a bit unsure back and forth between the two mechs he was standing in front of, the young human timidly added.
"Am I right?"
Both mechs blinked their optics to work out their astonishment. Then they opened their mouths at the same time.
"You know about bonding?" Barricade asked while Jazz concluded.
"Damn, ya're sharp!"
Sam laughed a bit sheepishly before he became serious again.
"Well, yes, I know about bonding. Optimus and Ratchet both gave me a good long lecture about it", he stopped and added as an afterthought, "well I would say it was a rant in Ratch's case."
"Sounds like old Hatchet", Jazz agreed sharing his amusement about the Autobot medical officer with his bondmate over their shared sparks. But he quickly sobered up again. After all, there were still open questions he suddenly had about Sam.
"So, why are ya curious about mah bondmate's past looks?"
Sam became serious as well, though a small, soft smile still played around his lips while he put his attention back on Barricade.
"Well, I was wondering if you could humor me by offlining your optics for a moment and picturing your old looks inside your mind. I know this sounds strange and you have to put some trust in my actions here, but Jazz can watch and I promise, after that is done I will answer any question you might have. Would you accept this deal?"
If Prowl and Jazz were surprised before, it was nothing of the confusion and wonderment they shared now. Looking at each other Prowl was the first to voice his thoughts inside their bond.
/I cannot see the logic behind offlining one's optics and imagining a former appearance, Jazz/, the tactician said, sounding a bit helpless. His bondmate immediately sent soothing emotions through their bond though it was obvious to feel that he was confused as well.
/Ah'm not sure mahself what's goin' on here, Sparkles, but Ah have a strange feelin'. Not bad, mind yah. It's more like we should go an' do as th' human suggested, then see what's comin' out of it. Ah, for mah part, want answers. An' Ah can't imagine that Sam would do somethin' dangerous. He saved Optimus Prime's life an' he's a good boy. There's just somethin' strange about him right now, somethin' Ah'm itching t' find out what it is./
/Do you trust him?/ Prowl inquired, still uncertain.
Jazz looked down at the human who was returning the gaze with a serious but wide open face. After a long, long time of searching and judging the saboteur turned inwards to their bond again, without breaking contact with the young man's eyes.
/Yes, for now Ah trust him/, Jazz confidently agreed, trying to ease the concern of his bondmate.
/All right, I trust your judgment, Jazz/, Prowl conceded and moved his gaze on the human as well.
"We agree to your terms, Sam Witwicky."
"Oh, cool, that's great", the young man happily replied before stumbling slightly over his next words. "Well, uhm, I guess you have to concentrate then and offline your optics."
Barricade let out a steam of air through his vents, but obeyed.
"I don't see why I have to offline my optics", the mech said confused. "I can perfectly well picture my old looks without not seeing. I am guessing you humans have more problems with concentration, therefore you close your eyes, but we are created for multitasking."
"Uhm, actually it's more about me feeling uncomfortable being watched during this", Sam mumbled a bit embarrassed. Jazz, could not help the grin that escaped him at hearing this.
"Ya forget Ah'm here, too. Honestly Sam, ya're wanted by one of th' most dangerous mechs existing', ya quip at him while lookin' eye t' optic, an' ya worry about bein' looked at by someone ya obviously don't fear? Ya're a strange thing, really."
"Well, being normal was always a dream for others to fulfil", Sam answered sheepishly before looking pleadingly into Jazz's visor.
"Could you lift me up to his knee, Jazz? If you two don't mind, of course, but it would be a bit easier to do what I have to do than from the ground."
Now even more curious than ever, the saboteur considered the human once again with a thoughtful look, but finally nodded. He remembered the deal and as long as he saw no danger for Prowl he would honour it.
Carefully grabbing the young human, he sat him down right over his bondmate's kneejoint. Prowl, even though he could not see right now, had listened to everything and stretched his legs out, offering an easier surface for the human to stand on.
Sam thanked both mechs for their efforts before sitting down right where he stood. Jazz watched the human sit there for a moment. Curiously he noticed his whole body was tense and the young man was taking slow, deep breaths as if he was preparing himself for something big.
What happened next surprised the head of special ops so much that he could not help the feelings seeping through the bond, causing Prowl to tense up. And when, with the first two feelings, indignation for the tactician's sake came along, Jazz could in answer feel his bondmate's intention to online his optics and find out what was going on.
It seemed Sam had anticipated that however, because he timidly asked the mech he was sitting on to continue with concentrating and keep his optics offline. Jazz knew Prowl only obeyed that decision because he himself told him to do so.
What Prowl did not know was that the moment Sam deemed himself ready for his next act, Jazz witnessed the young man taking out a knife and slashing the inside of his right hand with a suppressed curse and wince. That action shocked him immensely watching the human hurting himself all of the sudden without any obvious reason. But then the boy moved his bleeding hand and started to spread the viscous fluid on his bondmate's knee. That human was violating his bondmate's body!
But before Prowl was even able to process the feelings he unintentionally sent and decided to online his optics in spite of Sam's requests, Jazz realized something more. Sam was not simply putting human blood on Barricade's knee, no he was drawing something, something familiar.
"Is that the sign for "origin"?" the saboteur asked the young man surprised, while silently telling his bonded for now everything was okay, to keep his optics offline and concentrating on imagine his old looks.
Sam looked up from what he was doing and gazed at Jazz's visor, eyes wide and surprised.
"You can read the language of the Primes?" he nearly shouted in disbelief.
Jazz could not help the grin, even though he was still greatly confused and still felt a bit indignant for his bondmate's dignity.
"Yeah, Ah can", he answered easily. "Though don't ask meh how, 'cause Ah ain't got th' slightest idea. Ah'm far older than ya think, Ah've seen a lot. However, Ah guess there're parts of mah life even Ah don't remember anymore."
"Damnit!" Sam moaned half as a joke, half in exasperation. "Where were you, when I really, REALLY needed someone to read the language of the Primes?"
"Why'd ya need someone t' read th' language of th' Primes anyway?" the saboteur curiously wanted to know.
"Oh, remember what I told you about seeing symbols that could lead us to the Matrix of Leadership?" Sam asked while he put the finishing touches on the sign he had been drawing on Barricade's knee with his own blood. "To find the Matrix, we had to follow the instructions that were only available in the language of the Primes and it took us AGES and a lot of trouble before we finally made a find."
"But now ya're obviously able t' read th' signs yerself, aren't ya?"
"Well, Optimus taught me", Sam admitted absent-mindedly, his gaze fixed on the finished symbol.
"Ah see", Jazz trailed off and looked back at the sign written by blood. Suddenly realization crossed his processor.
"Ya can understand us, can't ya?" he asked in the familiar clicks and chirps of his creation language.
For a moment, Sam looked up and sent the saboteur a witty smile before he touched the symbol he had drawn on Prowl's knee. And to the great shock of the Autobot Head of Ops, the blood started to glow.
tbc...
Part: 10/12
Author: Usagi-Atemu-Tom
Warnings: slash, SPOILER for Transformers Movies 1+2
Pairings: Jazz/Prowl
Feedback: Please, yes, I love feedback! =^^=
Summary: When one mech is on the edge of being offlined forever, another mech realises the truth of his past and the destiny he is supposed to have. But what do you do, when you wake up from the brink of death just to stare into the eyes of what is supposed to be the enemy? If you happen to be an ops mech - you collect your answers of course.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine I don't make money with it and write only for fun and to get better in writing English. ^_^
Helpful Pointers:
Vorn - 83 years
Stellar-cycle - 7.5 months
Orn - 13 days
Joor - 8 hours
Breem - 6 minutes
Astrosecond - 5/6ths of a second
Klick - 1 millisecond
"..." - Speaking
/.../ - Sparkbond speaking
Please note that I've only ever watched the two movies from 2007 and 2009. While I've 'met' a lot of Transformers from the comics and cartoons, that more often than not show up in fanfics I, of course, have not seen them in action and therefore might not be able to interpret their characters right. I am using mostly what I've learned through the movie (and maybe fanfics) and while catching some ideas here and there I am mainly using my very own ideas for things like energon, space bridges and so on.
And not to forget, much thanks to Taralynden for betareading.
Also, the inspiration for Prowl's and Jazz's past was mostly taken from the fanfic 'Story of a lifetime' written by the wonderful Taralynden. This was taken with her permission. Go and read her story, you'll love it.
Jazz and Prowl both watched the Autobots deep in discussion with the humans just outside their hearing range. Not that the distance mattered. If Jazz had not been so gravely injured, and if he really wanted to listen in, he could have initiated some of his special programs to enhance his hearing range. Or simply hacked his subordinate's comm-line. "If" being the key word. Even in the case that his programs were fully functional, the saboteur felt no desire to eavesdrop.
He just felt tired, deeply and utterly exhausted. Now that the heat of the moment was over, the Decepticons gone, the bond settled down a bit and Prowl safe - at least from being overtaken by the virus again - the saboteur could finally let his thoughts wander. And he was not sure if that was a good thing at all, because with the freedom to think came doubt.
"Did Ah do th' right thin'?" Jazz wondered aloud, his question a series of chirps and clicks, the familiar sounds of their creation language.
Prowl, who had actually drifted off into a half recharge from exhaustion, jolted online again, a sense of inquiry floating through their bond.
"What do you mean?" he asked, confused by the vague question.
"When we realized that th' virus was still there an' could be activated again, mah first impulse was t' end it all", the special ops officer confessed to his bondmate. "But Ah felt ya through th' bond. Felt yer feelin's of terror an' pain but underneath that all Ah could also feel yer desperation that ya did not want t' end here. That's th' whole reason why Ah came up wit' this crazy plan in first case. Ah went wit' yer need t' survive. An' Ah clung t' what ya told meh t' believe in. Ah've not forgotten yer words from so long ago, Sparkles. Ah still try t' believe in ya."
Jazz paused for a moment, allowing air to leave his vents while watching his bondmate from the corner of his optics hidden by his visor. Through his spark he could feel Prowl's full focus on him now, accompanied by feelings of concern and careful masked alarm. He did not allow it to faze him and continued talking.
"It's jus' now that th' heat of th' situation is over, Ah come t' realise a lot of things. Look at our comrades. They're divided, because some of'em believe us t' be Decepticon spies. They will be hard t' convince now, least til Ratch' there finds out what exactly is hidin' pocketed in his subspace. An' it'll take some time t' analyse that sample. After all, he doesn't know what he's lookin' at there."
"That is not too much of a problem though", Prowl tried to soothe his bonded's worries. "They always trusted you before, even knowing what your job was. If having a Decepticon as a bondmate has shaken that trust so much, perhaps you should consider taking a break from duty to give them time to see that you're still who you always were and that I haven't corrupted you. Allow them to keep an optic on you, if that makes them feel better. You'll rebuild their trust in time, and eventually they may also accept me through their faith in you until I can prove who I am."
"That's true, but it's not just th' mistrust towards us that's bothering meh, Prowler. Ah expected that, given th' circumstances. But look at all that's happened within these nearly six stellar-cycles. Before that, especially after we had t' separate for th' search of th' Allspark, Ah told mahself again an' again that all we must do was put an' end t' Megatron. That mighta been a really tough task, but Ah believed wit' all mah spark, if Megatron was out of th' picture then we could finally find peace. But now it turns out that even killin' Megatron did do nothin' because he returned right back from th' pit. An' really, Sparkles, if that mech don't even stay offline when he gets terminated, what's left t' fight for? Maybe", he paused for another moment and Prowl could finally feel the confusion, pain and depression seeping through the bond that Jazz had bottled in for some time now. In fact the saboteur's mood had gone downhill right after he found out what happened during the whole time he was out from his injuries.
"Maybe we really should've simply gone t' th' Well of Allsparks. At least there we would've found peace - t'gether."
"Jazz", Prowl choked out, his feelings of shock and comfort bursting through their bond in waves, trying to embrace Jazz and help him through the amount of depression he was fighting. The tactician however got no chance to voice any words of comfort for his mate, because they were interrupted by someone else calling to them.
"Are you alright?"
Both mechs were startled out of their bond's connection and looked down in front of them, right into the worried eyes of one Sam Witwicky. If Prowl had had any doubts, in spite of the feelings he received through their bond, the depth of Jazz's depression was confirmed by the fact that the saboteur seemed to be as surprised as him by the human's proximity.
Also, Jazz did not even try to put his usual mask of aloofness back on. He simply acted as he felt: tired and miserable. Never, as long as he had known his bondmate, had Prowl witnessed him in this bad a mood. Usually when the saboteur was depressed his awareness increased, he became more dangerous to his surroundings and he did his best to play down what he really felt.
"Hey kid!" the head of special ops greeted the young man and to Prowl's relief he at least tried to give the human a smile, small as it was. "Shouldn't yah be over there wit' all th' other's decidin' over th' fate of th' bad'n'dangerous spies?"
The worried look did not leave the young man's eyes, but the questions caused him to scrunch up his face none-the-less.
"Nah, you know how it is", Sam dismissed the inquiry with a casual wave of his hand. "All that serious war-stuff is just for soldiers and such. Me, I am just a civilian, remember? I have no say in this anyway and I am not really interested, to be honest. I pity Will enough as it is every time the poor man tries to voice his thoughts with loudly arguing 'bots."
He grinned slightly, hoping to lighten the mood a bit with casual talk. However, instead of sharing in the humor of it all, both mechs looked more scandalised than anything else.
"Why'd they not teach ya fightin', Sam?" Jazz asked seriously. "Ah mean, come on: ya killed Megatron, Ah've heard. That alone should mark ya as every 'Con's favourite target."
"Besides Megatron never forgives nor forgets", Barricade added equally seriously. "He has been resurrected, that makes it even worse. Also, I heard you saved Optimus Prime's life, something the Decepticons will not have taken kindly. If not for the danger to your life, at least your heroic actions towards Prime should have earned you the right to learn to fight among us."
At those last words, Sam's face darkened. Even his worry over the two mechs seemed forgotten.
"Saving Optimus' life was hardly anything admirable", the young man told them, voice full of sorrow and surprisingly obvious self-hate. "It was the least I could have done. After all, it was my damn fault Optimus was killed in first place."
Both mechs looked at each other in surprise. Of course they did not know every detail about what happened back then, they only had what Prowl was able to gather through the comm-lines.
"What exactly happened?" Jazz was the first to ask. "We know that Megatron got ya an' Optimus fell while tryin' t' rescue ya. That hardly makes it yer fault, though. It ain't like ya asked t' be taken by Megatron in the first place."
"I as good as did by sending them all away", the young man told them bitterly. "When Optimus first approached me, he asked for my help. But I was so busy trying to lead a NORMAL life that I just brushed his request off, telling him that he was Optimus Prime and he didn't need my help with anything. I flat out refused a FRIEND, Jazz! I pushed them away from me, even Bumblebee, saying they were keeping me from being normal. And the next time I turn around Optimus is out there, his spark getting pierced by Megatron's weapon while he tried to protect me. To PROTECT me. ME, the friend who did not even want to help because it would put my normal world out of order."
Sam stopped his quick talking, realizing that he just brought himself into a full rant, and took a deep breath. With wide eyes he looked up into first Jazz's, then Barricade's glowing optics.
"After what happened I felt like the biggest ass on Earth", he confessed in a whisper. "Guilt ate at me and all I could think of was how I could undo what I did. Back then, contact with a splinter of the Allspark caused me to suddenly see symbols inside my head and I realized that instead of going crazy, I needed to find someone who would be able to read them, because they were meant to tell me something. So, we found out about the Matrix of Leadership and all I saw was a chance to save Optimus, to redeem myself. See? That's all it was about, that glorious action back in Egypt. It was simply payback, a way to repay myself for what I did."
Spent by his little outburst the young man sunk down to the ground and shook his head sadly. He no longer dared seek eye to optic contact with the two mechs, too afraid of what he might find.
Jazz and Prowl, however, shared a simple look and exchange through the bond, coming to a decision. For a moment, even the saboteur's depression was all but forgotten.
"Ah still say ya did somethin' very brave", the head of special ops voiced their opinion. "Helpin' us nowadays means getting thrown into a war. It's totally understandable that ya did not wish for that. An' just because someone feels guilty does not mean ever'one woulda done what ya did, riskin' their life t' get this Matrix of Leadership an' savin' Optimus Prime wit' it. Ya did good, kid. In fact ya did great an' even mah mate approves of that. So don't feel guilty anymore an' hold yer head proudly. Ya're a good kid, an' Ah won't think differently of ya because of this. An' that's final!"
The last sentence he added in a very firm and commanding voice, causing the human to look at him open mouthed.
"You really mean that?" he asked. "I mean, Bee tells me stuff like this all the time, but we are best friends, and friends are supposed to forgive each other and all that and personally I think he is a bit biased, because he protected me from the moment we met and Optimus is kinda nice to everyone so he doesn't count as well and I see I am rambling again so I stop now, just thank you again and all."
Sam trailed off, after noticing the grin the saboteur was showing. Through their bond Jazz could feel his own amusement was shared with Prowl as well, though he barely showed it on the outside.
/Doesn't he remind ya of some 'bot we all know an' love no matter th' ramblin'?/ the saboteur inquired with fondness floating through the bond. /Maybe yah end up as th' human's mentor as well? An' can ya see th' bright side? This time th' age'd be fine as well, jus' for yer comfort./
Prowl's only answer to that comment was a soft snort and a shake of his head. Jazz grinned.
Done with talking, all three fell into a comfortable silence, until Sam suddenly roused to his two feet again, stepping up right to Barricade's massive form.
"I do wonder", the human mused, "what did you look like before you became a Decepticon? Can you still remember that?"
The reaction was immediate. Tension filled the air and both mechs looked at the young man in a mix of surprise and mistrust.
"What makes yah think mah bondmate looked any different before he became a Deception?" Jazz asked trying to sound innocent and unconcerned about the question. Sam shrugged his shoulders. He looked at ease, either not noticing the effect of his question or simply ignoring it.
"It's just that with all the fights I've seen, I noticed a little pattern concerning the looks of the Decepticons", the young man tried to explain. "They usually look a lot spikier and more intimidating than you Autobots. No offense, Jazz, and I still think you guys look intimidating enough for me, but even though I personally think that your own looks differ a bit from the rest of your comrades, I still feel a bit more intimidated by Barricade there.
"Anyway, there is also the fact that, even though we had no chance to get to know each other before Mission City happened, this doesn't mean Bee did not tell me a lot about you. I know all about Meister, "Jazz", your hand in Bee's training, the crazy stuff you did", he paused for a moment before he added with a short smile, "and Prowl. Well, I know as much as Bee was willing to share. I realise by now that ops seems to be a lot about secrets, even after a member died. And since I got to know a bit about you within these three years, I have to agree with Bee.
"There is more to you suddenly having a Decepticon as bondmate. From what I was told, you are loyal to the Autobots and you were always faithful to Prowl. You would never hurt him on purpose and you would never defect, it's not your style. I think the fact that you put yourself in front of Megatron to save us, speaks for itself here."
At this, Sam threw a pointed look at Jazz before he concentrated his attention on Barricade.
"Then there is how I remember Barricade the first time we... well - met. And I can clearly say you are not the same mech. There is a difference in your actions. Given all these facts I conclude that Barricade was not a Decepticon to begin with. He might not even be one right now by choice. And because of that I have this hunch that he looked different before he had to join the Decepticons, for whatever reason it was."
Looking a bit unsure back and forth between the two mechs he was standing in front of, the young human timidly added.
"Am I right?"
Both mechs blinked their optics to work out their astonishment. Then they opened their mouths at the same time.
"You know about bonding?" Barricade asked while Jazz concluded.
"Damn, ya're sharp!"
Sam laughed a bit sheepishly before he became serious again.
"Well, yes, I know about bonding. Optimus and Ratchet both gave me a good long lecture about it", he stopped and added as an afterthought, "well I would say it was a rant in Ratch's case."
"Sounds like old Hatchet", Jazz agreed sharing his amusement about the Autobot medical officer with his bondmate over their shared sparks. But he quickly sobered up again. After all, there were still open questions he suddenly had about Sam.
"So, why are ya curious about mah bondmate's past looks?"
Sam became serious as well, though a small, soft smile still played around his lips while he put his attention back on Barricade.
"Well, I was wondering if you could humor me by offlining your optics for a moment and picturing your old looks inside your mind. I know this sounds strange and you have to put some trust in my actions here, but Jazz can watch and I promise, after that is done I will answer any question you might have. Would you accept this deal?"
If Prowl and Jazz were surprised before, it was nothing of the confusion and wonderment they shared now. Looking at each other Prowl was the first to voice his thoughts inside their bond.
/I cannot see the logic behind offlining one's optics and imagining a former appearance, Jazz/, the tactician said, sounding a bit helpless. His bondmate immediately sent soothing emotions through their bond though it was obvious to feel that he was confused as well.
/Ah'm not sure mahself what's goin' on here, Sparkles, but Ah have a strange feelin'. Not bad, mind yah. It's more like we should go an' do as th' human suggested, then see what's comin' out of it. Ah, for mah part, want answers. An' Ah can't imagine that Sam would do somethin' dangerous. He saved Optimus Prime's life an' he's a good boy. There's just somethin' strange about him right now, somethin' Ah'm itching t' find out what it is./
/Do you trust him?/ Prowl inquired, still uncertain.
Jazz looked down at the human who was returning the gaze with a serious but wide open face. After a long, long time of searching and judging the saboteur turned inwards to their bond again, without breaking contact with the young man's eyes.
/Yes, for now Ah trust him/, Jazz confidently agreed, trying to ease the concern of his bondmate.
/All right, I trust your judgment, Jazz/, Prowl conceded and moved his gaze on the human as well.
"We agree to your terms, Sam Witwicky."
"Oh, cool, that's great", the young man happily replied before stumbling slightly over his next words. "Well, uhm, I guess you have to concentrate then and offline your optics."
Barricade let out a steam of air through his vents, but obeyed.
"I don't see why I have to offline my optics", the mech said confused. "I can perfectly well picture my old looks without not seeing. I am guessing you humans have more problems with concentration, therefore you close your eyes, but we are created for multitasking."
"Uhm, actually it's more about me feeling uncomfortable being watched during this", Sam mumbled a bit embarrassed. Jazz, could not help the grin that escaped him at hearing this.
"Ya forget Ah'm here, too. Honestly Sam, ya're wanted by one of th' most dangerous mechs existing', ya quip at him while lookin' eye t' optic, an' ya worry about bein' looked at by someone ya obviously don't fear? Ya're a strange thing, really."
"Well, being normal was always a dream for others to fulfil", Sam answered sheepishly before looking pleadingly into Jazz's visor.
"Could you lift me up to his knee, Jazz? If you two don't mind, of course, but it would be a bit easier to do what I have to do than from the ground."
Now even more curious than ever, the saboteur considered the human once again with a thoughtful look, but finally nodded. He remembered the deal and as long as he saw no danger for Prowl he would honour it.
Carefully grabbing the young human, he sat him down right over his bondmate's kneejoint. Prowl, even though he could not see right now, had listened to everything and stretched his legs out, offering an easier surface for the human to stand on.
Sam thanked both mechs for their efforts before sitting down right where he stood. Jazz watched the human sit there for a moment. Curiously he noticed his whole body was tense and the young man was taking slow, deep breaths as if he was preparing himself for something big.
What happened next surprised the head of special ops so much that he could not help the feelings seeping through the bond, causing Prowl to tense up. And when, with the first two feelings, indignation for the tactician's sake came along, Jazz could in answer feel his bondmate's intention to online his optics and find out what was going on.
It seemed Sam had anticipated that however, because he timidly asked the mech he was sitting on to continue with concentrating and keep his optics offline. Jazz knew Prowl only obeyed that decision because he himself told him to do so.
What Prowl did not know was that the moment Sam deemed himself ready for his next act, Jazz witnessed the young man taking out a knife and slashing the inside of his right hand with a suppressed curse and wince. That action shocked him immensely watching the human hurting himself all of the sudden without any obvious reason. But then the boy moved his bleeding hand and started to spread the viscous fluid on his bondmate's knee. That human was violating his bondmate's body!
But before Prowl was even able to process the feelings he unintentionally sent and decided to online his optics in spite of Sam's requests, Jazz realized something more. Sam was not simply putting human blood on Barricade's knee, no he was drawing something, something familiar.
"Is that the sign for "origin"?" the saboteur asked the young man surprised, while silently telling his bonded for now everything was okay, to keep his optics offline and concentrating on imagine his old looks.
Sam looked up from what he was doing and gazed at Jazz's visor, eyes wide and surprised.
"You can read the language of the Primes?" he nearly shouted in disbelief.
Jazz could not help the grin, even though he was still greatly confused and still felt a bit indignant for his bondmate's dignity.
"Yeah, Ah can", he answered easily. "Though don't ask meh how, 'cause Ah ain't got th' slightest idea. Ah'm far older than ya think, Ah've seen a lot. However, Ah guess there're parts of mah life even Ah don't remember anymore."
"Damnit!" Sam moaned half as a joke, half in exasperation. "Where were you, when I really, REALLY needed someone to read the language of the Primes?"
"Why'd ya need someone t' read th' language of th' Primes anyway?" the saboteur curiously wanted to know.
"Oh, remember what I told you about seeing symbols that could lead us to the Matrix of Leadership?" Sam asked while he put the finishing touches on the sign he had been drawing on Barricade's knee with his own blood. "To find the Matrix, we had to follow the instructions that were only available in the language of the Primes and it took us AGES and a lot of trouble before we finally made a find."
"But now ya're obviously able t' read th' signs yerself, aren't ya?"
"Well, Optimus taught me", Sam admitted absent-mindedly, his gaze fixed on the finished symbol.
"Ah see", Jazz trailed off and looked back at the sign written by blood. Suddenly realization crossed his processor.
"Ya can understand us, can't ya?" he asked in the familiar clicks and chirps of his creation language.
For a moment, Sam looked up and sent the saboteur a witty smile before he touched the symbol he had drawn on Prowl's knee. And to the great shock of the Autobot Head of Ops, the blood started to glow.
tbc...