Fic: Stiles and the Flawless Plan (1/10)
Title: Stiles and the Flawless Plan
Series: Bizarre Love Polyhedron
Rating: PG-13
Genres: Humor, Angst
Setting: Post Season 3A
Pairings: Scott&Stiles, background Stiles/Derek, Scott/Isaac/Allison, Lydia/Aiden, Danny/Ethan
Wordcount: 1150 (this chapter); 13k total
Betas: percygranger, gretchen4321
No matter what anyone else says, Stiles comes up with great plans, okay? Maybe this wasn't one of his best ideas, but it's mutually beneficial. Him and Scott are already bros. Calling each other boyfriends isn't that different, right?
Author's Note: Beta'd by the ever helpful percygranger and gretchen4321. Cheerleading/handholding provided by the lovely eternal_jazz. Thank you all. This story would not exist without you. :3
I'm planning on posting once every four days, on a rotating day-of-the-week schedule. There are ten chapters in this story, so I'll be posting the last chapter on January 5th, the day before Season 3B airs.
Chapter 1: Stiles and the Terrible Idea
Soundtrack: Give Me Hope - New Politics
“Wait, you’re saying you don’t want sympathy beer?” Stiles was leaning back on his elbows, legs crossed at the ankle. His butt was getting damp from the grass, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“No! I’m not-” Scott stopped, frustrated. “I don’t want sympathy at all.”
“Whatever. You can totally milk sympathy beer.”
Scott scrunched up his nose, shooting Stiles a bewildered expression. “I don’t think you can put milk in beer, Stiles. It curdles.”
Stiles sighed. “So not the point! Anyway, you haven’t moved on.”
Scott looked out past the cliff edge, where the creek had risen to twice its normal level after the recent rainstorm. His knee knocked against Stiles’. “So?”
“Why are you trying to convince everyone that you have?” Stiles swayed closer to bump into Scott’s shoulder. “Like, maybe if everyone else believes it, it’ll come true?”
“Look, I just… I want her to be happy.”
“Well, couldn’t she be happy with you?”
Scott turned away.
Stiles sighed. “I’m sorry, man, I just… don’t get it.”
They were both quiet for a few minutes. The burble of water and the chirping of cicadas were the only things that Stiles could hear. Scott, on the other hand, must be able to hear everything within three miles. It made sense that he would go out to the forest when he could.
“You were cool with Derek leaving town. To go on his soul quest, or whatever.”
Stiles glared back at him. He’d been trying not to think about Derek and his disappearing act, thank-you-very-much. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Sorry,” Scott said, a flash of guilt crossing his face. “Bad example. Lydia. You want Lydia to be happy, right?”
“Lydia?” Stiles sat up straight, shifting his weight away from his arms. “Yeah, of course, but-”
“And she’s not with you, is she?”
“Hey, that’s different. Allison is totally happy with you, it’s been proven, she-”
“She’s better off with Isaac. And he won’t date her until I say it’s okay.”
“So say it’s okay!”
“I tried. He doesn’t believe me.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah.”
Stiles shifted forward a few feet to dangle his feet over the cliff edge, staring into the rushing current below. He wasn’t worried; if he lost his balance, Scott would catch him.
After a few moments of comfortable, if morose, silence, Stiles finally spoke. “What if you were dating someone?”
“What?” Scott turned towards Stiles, his brow furrowing adorably in that way he had. The I’m totally confused, please help me understand look.
Stiles plucked a blade of grass and started splitting it with his thumbnail. “Like, you move on. Start seeing someone. Obviously that means Allison’s up for grabs. No awkward conversation needed.”
“I can’t…”
“So pretend to date someone! I don’t know.”
“I’m not going to fake date some poor girl who doesn’t even know I’m a werewolf!”
“So don’t!”
“But there’s no one-”
“Date me!” Oh, shit. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Stiles could tell his face was flushed red. Even his ears felt hot.
“Ha, ha,” Scott said, glaring over at Stiles. “Very funny.” Unfortunately for Scott, his glare looked more like a pout. Scott had to be the least intimidating alpha Stiles had ever seen. “I’m serious!”
Stiles looked down at his hands, folded in his lap. “So am I.”
“Wait. What?” Stiles looked up. Scott’s eyes were wide. “Do you seriously have a crush on me? Oh my God, Stiles, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have made fun of you, I-”
“Shut up, Scott! I don’t have a crush on you, Jesus!”
“Then why the hell would you want to be my boyfriend?”
“Your fake boyfriend,” Stiles corrected.
Scott rolled his eyes. “My fake boyfriend.”
“Because,” Stiles paused and took a steadying breath. “The last time I tried to come out to my dad, it didn’t go so well. If we’re dating, then… well…”
Scott looked suitably chastised. “Oh.”
“Plus, it’ll totally make Lydia jealous.”
Scott snorted. “Right.”
“Hey! It will! Besides, I have a feeling Coach Finstock is trying to set me up with Greenberg. He made us swap phone numbers the other day and the kid won’t stop texting me.”
Scott shuddered.
“I know, right?” Stiles grimaced. Even thinking about Greenberg’s last text (wut r u doin tmw nite???) made him want to turn off his phone. Permanently. Then drop it into a volcano.
Scott bit his lip. He was wearing his “thinking” face that he normally reserved for pop quizzes and trivia nights. “If we do this… we gotta go all out.”
“All out? What do you mean, all out?”
“Werewolves can smell things. I mean, we don’t have to have sex or anything, but-”
“Are you kidding? Do you think either of us is the wait until marriage type?”
Scott winced. “Okay, so, we’ll have to smell… like each other.”
Stiles tapped a finger against his bottom lip. “So, what, jerk off onto each other’s clothing?”
“Gross!”
“Yeah, okay, maybe this isn’t going to work…”
“No, it’s just… I would have to be covered in your jizz. All day.”
Stiles resisted the urge to gag. “Wow, thanks for that image.”
“Look, I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“Oh come on. When has a plan of mine gone wrong?” Stiles frowned, stopping to consider. “No, wait. Don’t answer that.”
Scott rolled his eyes. “Look, we’re not… No. This is dumb. We’re not doing this.”
“Fine, fine, whatever. If you’re not going to pretend to be dating someone, though, you have to share your pity beer.”
“Stiles, no one is going to give me pity beer. I can’t get drunk off of it.”
“Which is why you’re sharing, duh.” Stiles wiggled his eyebrows in a way that he knew Scott found charming. He just didn’t like to admit it.
Scott sighed. “You’re so weird.”
“That’s why you love me!”
***
The problem was, Stiles couldn’t stop thinking about it.
The idea was like a scab. It was just there, taunting him, and the more he itched at it, the worse it got. Every time he thought he’d dismissed the idea of fake-dating Scott, it would pop up at inconvenient times. When he was trying to get to sleep. While he was driving to school in the morning. When he was jerking off in the shower.
That last one, especially, had been annoying. Talk about a boner killer.
But he wasn’t going to bring it up again. He’d promised Scott he’d forget about it. So he’d stay silent on the subject. He’d keep mum. Zip his lip. Say nothing. Breathe not a word.
“Hey, Stiles, I think I left my history textbook at your house, have you seen-”
“Why won’t you fake go out with me?”
“Oh my God. I’m not talking about this. Let me know if you see my textbook.”
Then Scott hung up on him, the asshole.
Chapter 2: Entirely Stiles' Fault
Series: Bizarre Love Polyhedron
Rating: PG-13
Genres: Humor, Angst
Setting: Post Season 3A
Pairings: Scott&Stiles, background Stiles/Derek, Scott/Isaac/Allison, Lydia/Aiden, Danny/Ethan
Wordcount: 1150 (this chapter); 13k total
Betas: percygranger, gretchen4321
No matter what anyone else says, Stiles comes up with great plans, okay? Maybe this wasn't one of his best ideas, but it's mutually beneficial. Him and Scott are already bros. Calling each other boyfriends isn't that different, right?
Author's Note: Beta'd by the ever helpful percygranger and gretchen4321. Cheerleading/handholding provided by the lovely eternal_jazz. Thank you all. This story would not exist without you. :3
I'm planning on posting once every four days, on a rotating day-of-the-week schedule. There are ten chapters in this story, so I'll be posting the last chapter on January 5th, the day before Season 3B airs.
Chapter 1: Stiles and the Terrible Idea
Soundtrack: Give Me Hope - New Politics
“Wait, you’re saying you don’t want sympathy beer?” Stiles was leaning back on his elbows, legs crossed at the ankle. His butt was getting damp from the grass, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“No! I’m not-” Scott stopped, frustrated. “I don’t want sympathy at all.”
“Whatever. You can totally milk sympathy beer.”
Scott scrunched up his nose, shooting Stiles a bewildered expression. “I don’t think you can put milk in beer, Stiles. It curdles.”
Stiles sighed. “So not the point! Anyway, you haven’t moved on.”
Scott looked out past the cliff edge, where the creek had risen to twice its normal level after the recent rainstorm. His knee knocked against Stiles’. “So?”
“Why are you trying to convince everyone that you have?” Stiles swayed closer to bump into Scott’s shoulder. “Like, maybe if everyone else believes it, it’ll come true?”
“Look, I just… I want her to be happy.”
“Well, couldn’t she be happy with you?”
Scott turned away.
Stiles sighed. “I’m sorry, man, I just… don’t get it.”
They were both quiet for a few minutes. The burble of water and the chirping of cicadas were the only things that Stiles could hear. Scott, on the other hand, must be able to hear everything within three miles. It made sense that he would go out to the forest when he could.
“You were cool with Derek leaving town. To go on his soul quest, or whatever.”
Stiles glared back at him. He’d been trying not to think about Derek and his disappearing act, thank-you-very-much. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Sorry,” Scott said, a flash of guilt crossing his face. “Bad example. Lydia. You want Lydia to be happy, right?”
“Lydia?” Stiles sat up straight, shifting his weight away from his arms. “Yeah, of course, but-”
“And she’s not with you, is she?”
“Hey, that’s different. Allison is totally happy with you, it’s been proven, she-”
“She’s better off with Isaac. And he won’t date her until I say it’s okay.”
“So say it’s okay!”
“I tried. He doesn’t believe me.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah.”
Stiles shifted forward a few feet to dangle his feet over the cliff edge, staring into the rushing current below. He wasn’t worried; if he lost his balance, Scott would catch him.
After a few moments of comfortable, if morose, silence, Stiles finally spoke. “What if you were dating someone?”
“What?” Scott turned towards Stiles, his brow furrowing adorably in that way he had. The I’m totally confused, please help me understand look.
Stiles plucked a blade of grass and started splitting it with his thumbnail. “Like, you move on. Start seeing someone. Obviously that means Allison’s up for grabs. No awkward conversation needed.”
“I can’t…”
“So pretend to date someone! I don’t know.”
“I’m not going to fake date some poor girl who doesn’t even know I’m a werewolf!”
“So don’t!”
“But there’s no one-”
“Date me!” Oh, shit. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Stiles could tell his face was flushed red. Even his ears felt hot.
“Ha, ha,” Scott said, glaring over at Stiles. “Very funny.” Unfortunately for Scott, his glare looked more like a pout. Scott had to be the least intimidating alpha Stiles had ever seen. “I’m serious!”
Stiles looked down at his hands, folded in his lap. “So am I.”
“Wait. What?” Stiles looked up. Scott’s eyes were wide. “Do you seriously have a crush on me? Oh my God, Stiles, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have made fun of you, I-”
“Shut up, Scott! I don’t have a crush on you, Jesus!”
“Then why the hell would you want to be my boyfriend?”
“Your fake boyfriend,” Stiles corrected.
Scott rolled his eyes. “My fake boyfriend.”
“Because,” Stiles paused and took a steadying breath. “The last time I tried to come out to my dad, it didn’t go so well. If we’re dating, then… well…”
Scott looked suitably chastised. “Oh.”
“Plus, it’ll totally make Lydia jealous.”
Scott snorted. “Right.”
“Hey! It will! Besides, I have a feeling Coach Finstock is trying to set me up with Greenberg. He made us swap phone numbers the other day and the kid won’t stop texting me.”
Scott shuddered.
“I know, right?” Stiles grimaced. Even thinking about Greenberg’s last text (wut r u doin tmw nite???) made him want to turn off his phone. Permanently. Then drop it into a volcano.
Scott bit his lip. He was wearing his “thinking” face that he normally reserved for pop quizzes and trivia nights. “If we do this… we gotta go all out.”
“All out? What do you mean, all out?”
“Werewolves can smell things. I mean, we don’t have to have sex or anything, but-”
“Are you kidding? Do you think either of us is the wait until marriage type?”
Scott winced. “Okay, so, we’ll have to smell… like each other.”
Stiles tapped a finger against his bottom lip. “So, what, jerk off onto each other’s clothing?”
“Gross!”
“Yeah, okay, maybe this isn’t going to work…”
“No, it’s just… I would have to be covered in your jizz. All day.”
Stiles resisted the urge to gag. “Wow, thanks for that image.”
“Look, I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“Oh come on. When has a plan of mine gone wrong?” Stiles frowned, stopping to consider. “No, wait. Don’t answer that.”
Scott rolled his eyes. “Look, we’re not… No. This is dumb. We’re not doing this.”
“Fine, fine, whatever. If you’re not going to pretend to be dating someone, though, you have to share your pity beer.”
“Stiles, no one is going to give me pity beer. I can’t get drunk off of it.”
“Which is why you’re sharing, duh.” Stiles wiggled his eyebrows in a way that he knew Scott found charming. He just didn’t like to admit it.
Scott sighed. “You’re so weird.”
“That’s why you love me!”
***
The problem was, Stiles couldn’t stop thinking about it.
The idea was like a scab. It was just there, taunting him, and the more he itched at it, the worse it got. Every time he thought he’d dismissed the idea of fake-dating Scott, it would pop up at inconvenient times. When he was trying to get to sleep. While he was driving to school in the morning. When he was jerking off in the shower.
That last one, especially, had been annoying. Talk about a boner killer.
But he wasn’t going to bring it up again. He’d promised Scott he’d forget about it. So he’d stay silent on the subject. He’d keep mum. Zip his lip. Say nothing. Breathe not a word.
“Hey, Stiles, I think I left my history textbook at your house, have you seen-”
“Why won’t you fake go out with me?”
“Oh my God. I’m not talking about this. Let me know if you see my textbook.”
Then Scott hung up on him, the asshole.
Chapter 2: Entirely Stiles' Fault