You will all be glad to hear I have fixed Cities in Dust.
Previously, this story was a hardboiled mindfuck adventure. Totally unenjoyable. I have made it into a romance novel circa 1997* so that it can be enjoyed by a wider variety of people and touch on more topical issues. I am pretty sure cephiedvariable is super grateful that I have turned her borey into a story.
*or anything written by Cassie Edwards
( THE BLUE-COLLAR DETECTIVE'S SECRET MIRACLE ACCIDENT BABY )
*or anything written by Cassie Edwards
( THE BLUE-COLLAR DETECTIVE'S SECRET MIRACLE ACCIDENT BABY )
Comments 27
Oh, my gosh, what sort of terrible metaphors and coy code-words would troll romance novels use for genitalia? FOR BUCKETS? "Overcome with feelings of a red nature by her raw and overpowering display of culling capability, he produced his genetic material and shyly slipped it into the receptive device."
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This feels like it should be a news headline, in the newspaper run by Karkat. I love you.
BUT MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE PART was the incisive and accurate breakdown of the different sex scenes in romance novels.
Yes, I absolutely am sorry I had to be reminded about the fact that there should be a SMOULDERING, NEGATIVE SEX SCENE that ends in hurt feelings or sad "we do this without love... but secretly we do". When I was a younger Taz I also enjoyed THE VIRGIN MOB WIFE'S SECRET LATIN LOVER, and BOSS'S SECRETARY'S COWBOY BABY SURPRISE. I enjoyed all of these things.
"Overcome with feelings of a red nature by her raw and overpowering display of culling capability, he produced his genetic material and shyly slipped it into the receptive device."
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I need a bunch of salacious bucket metaphors. Love cylinder? Liquid hollow. Fertility depression.
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Of course it did. So will the sequel, Hunky Fireman's Secret Gangster Mistress.
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For my next trick I will probably rewrite The Long Game as Christian lit circa 1997.
...I'm listening.
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Okay, I will first tell you an unrelated story.
An author friend of mine I love dearly grew up reading a lot of Mormon lit -- one of the stories that always made me devolve into laughter snot was the tale of some kid who's been raised by atheists who later ends up going into a church and looking around in wonder because somehow he's also grown up in a vacuum and knows nothing about Christianity, so he sees the picture of Jesus and he says wonderingly, "Who is that man?"
So the Long Game would revolve around Karkat going into a church (why do they have a church? I do not know. Jade built it) and going softly, wonderingly, "Who is that man?" and Dave going, "That's Jesus, Karkat."
"JESUS, STRIDER? THAT HUMAN MAN WHO DIED FOR OUR SINS?"
"Yes, Karkat," he says, and for a moment, he seems to struggle with his words behind the dark mask of his sunglasses. Eventually, he breathes out: "Even mine."
then they pork
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DYING
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I was incapacitated for most of this post but that right there killed me very dead
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Other diseases Terezi has mistaken for pregnancy:
-- headache
-- nosebleed
-- chickenpox
-- broken toe
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LOST IT SO HARD RIGHT THERE I may have actually hurt myself laughing ahahahahahaha o-ow
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but thank you for the laughter. :D (I will accept Baccano icons in lieu of Homestuck icons, though I still gotta watch that thing.)
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(you do! you do!! it's so good)
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