What brought all this morbid contemplation on? Being alive means even more opportunities to exercise one's free will i.e. if I want to go live in a jungle in Panama, I can make the necessary provisions and do it because I am alive and I can.
I'd rather take you to the jungle than have you strapped to a bed waiting for death.
but we are young. we can still go to the jungle. i am thinking about when i am old. and ill. and can't go on adventures anymore. to go out with a bang like Hemingway or Hunter S. Thompson... yet, always at the back of my mind was the suspicion that they were cowards.
Thompson and Hemingway were both afraid of the people they were becoming as their bodies shut down on them after years of abuse. And being old and ill has nothing to do with the desire to go on adventures and making that happen. I had a friend who died of cancer years ago who up until he passed was making plans to go out and do things, see people, drink, laugh, and fuck. Giving up never even occurred to him.
That fear that suicide can stem from is the fear of change. It chokes you. Whose to say at 80 you won't be scaling some mountain or attending some performance of the disembodied heads of your favorite musicians.
the desire to go on adventures may still be there. it almost seems worse to keep you're mind and lose eveything else. your eyes still watching when the demons come to rip you into little pieces.
i agree with all points. i dont want a slow death like nancy where she literally couldnt do anything but suck the energy out of everyone else. that isnt living. give me death then. until then i will try to live with every fibre of my being.
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I'd rather take you to the jungle than have you strapped to a bed waiting for death.
Sweet girl - xo
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That fear that suicide can stem from is the fear of change. It chokes you. Whose to say at 80 you won't be scaling some mountain or attending some performance of the disembodied heads of your favorite musicians.
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