[Gai remembers that face, even though it isn't shown here, even though you see the world from that face's eyes. Gai remembers Kakashi's face before it was covered up, before it was hardened and scarred and cold, before it became death-pale and world-weary and so sarcastic. Gai remembers when neither of them understood these things, and they had thrashed on the ground together in a tangle of short limbs and heated shouts, and Kakashi had looked at him so, so dismissively. Gai remembers when he had been foolish enough to challenge a Chuunin as a freshly enrolled Academy student, and received the sort of beating that should have made him run sobbing back to his mother.]
[Even after that, he had been foolish. Foolish enough to see the genius in the child, foolish enough to see the child in the genius, foolish enough to think that he could claim Kakashi for (eternity) life before he even really understood what that meant--and foolish enough to think that he could stick with it. He hadn't understood what he was getting himself into.]
[ Kakashi's not sure what Gai means by that. Remembers the heavy look in his eyes and the weight of his arms and the way he said "Not like that," when Kakashi tried to tell him that everyone dies one day. That it had just been Kakashi's time and nothing Gai could've done would've stopped it. That it wasn't his fault, even if Gai thinks it is. Even when he doesn't say it is.
Because even if Gai declares with conviction the eternity of their rivalry, eternity can only be as long as the length of their lives.
Kakashi's been a ninja for twenty-four years of his life.
And Gai's been his rival for twenty-three of those years. Rooted him down in their rivalry even when Kakashi never truly acknowledged it.
At least, not directly.
So when Gai tells him he was never meant to be rooted. Kakashi just doesn't know what to think.
So he doesn't think at all.
Looks away from the screen instead.
And he'll hum, because that's the easiest way to get Gai to continue to ramble on. ]
[ Akira draws his hand away from the Hitomi, then covers his face for a moment. He's done it because he assumes he'll get teary and he'll need to hide that, but no tears come. Just a sick wrenched feeling in his throat that makes his voice come out all screwed up. ]
Kakashi-san...
[ He removes his hand, but can't look at the Hitomi. He's not as disturbed by this as he would have been even a week ago. It should make him proud that he's moving on, but instead he just feels really sad. So sad that he longs for Takumi, because Takumi had arms that went all the way around him when he was crying and didn't ask questions. Akira's terrible at comforting people. He tends to tease and yell at them instead, but he can't do that to Kakashi right now. It's too serious. ]
[ Kakashi smiles because that's the easiest way to counter tears. Even when they're not freely streaming down Akira's face. He can hear it in his voice. And it's enough for him to make sure his eye is fully arced in the best smile he can give.
Because Akira is young. And doesn't understand the kind of war Kakashi lived through.
And Kakashi doesn't see why he really has to. Even if there's a war, brewing in the distance. ]
Ah, Akira-kun. It was just a dream. Don't worry too much.
[ Akira's young, and he hasn't spent a lot of time really interacting with people. In spite of that, he can tell Kakashi's trying to put a good face on this. Still, he decides to respect that. ]
Try and get some sleep. [ makes a show of yawning ] I'm going back to bed.
[ And he flips the Hitomi off to give the ninja he so looks up to the privacy he's clearly asking for. ]
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[Even after that, he had been foolish. Foolish enough to see the genius in the child, foolish enough to see the child in the genius, foolish enough to think that he could claim Kakashi for (eternity) life before he even really understood what that meant--and foolish enough to think that he could stick with it. He hadn't understood what he was getting himself into.]
[ ( ... )
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Because even if Gai declares with conviction the eternity of their rivalry, eternity can only be as long as the length of their lives.
Kakashi's been a ninja for twenty-four years of his life.
And Gai's been his rival for twenty-three of those years. Rooted him down in their rivalry even when Kakashi never truly acknowledged it.
At least, not directly.
So when Gai tells him he was never meant to be rooted. Kakashi just doesn't know what to think.
So he doesn't think at all.
Looks away from the screen instead.
And he'll hum, because that's the easiest way to get Gai to continue to ramble on. ]
Mm...
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Kakashi-san...
[ He removes his hand, but can't look at the Hitomi. He's not as disturbed by this as he would have been even a week ago. It should make him proud that he's moving on, but instead he just feels really sad. So sad that he longs for Takumi, because Takumi had arms that went all the way around him when he was crying and didn't ask questions. Akira's terrible at comforting people. He tends to tease and yell at them instead, but he can't do that to Kakashi right now. It's too serious. ]
...I'm sorry.
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Because Akira is young. And doesn't understand the kind of war Kakashi lived through.
And Kakashi doesn't see why he really has to. Even if there's a war, brewing in the distance. ]
Ah, Akira-kun. It was just a dream. Don't worry too much.
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[ Akira's young, and he hasn't spent a lot of time really interacting with people. In spite of that, he can tell Kakashi's trying to put a good face on this. Still, he decides to respect that. ]
Try and get some sleep. [ makes a show of yawning ] I'm going back to bed.
[ And he flips the Hitomi off to give the ninja he so looks up to the privacy he's clearly asking for. ]
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They really do start you young, don't they?
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[ Pauses ]
Different.
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