I'm sitting at my desk and there was a squirrel that ran across the telephone line outside my window.  So of course I proceed to involluntarily scream "SQUIRREL!!!!"  And all I hear is my boss, Rob, in the back room say, "increase the meds, Melody, increase the meds."

Good Christ it's nice to work in this environment.

I had to take off my shoes and socks, roll up my pants, and wade through 50 feet of 8 inch water to get to work this morning.  Why God?  Why?

The Quiet World
By: Jeffrey McDaniel

In an effort to get people to look
into each other's eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting ( Read more... )

In one of them I was stranded on a desert island and it got so bad that I started cooking the equipment on the ship, and then I decided to get married to this human sized pill bottle.  Since no one was there, I put my wedding invitations in bottles and sent them out to sea.  They said, "Please come to my wedding.  I'm committed to getting better."

( Read more... )

Mother Nature... pshhh.  She's too much of a damn tease to ever actually get knocked up.  Lets all call her Sister Nature.

'Til next time my comfortable leather friend.  Hello again wool monstrosity.

Do you think I might have bad luck because I never forward those horrible, "if you don't do this something very bad will happen to you" things?  If so, I'm fucked.  I refuse.

The beginning of spring means, goodbye wool double breasted beast, hello leather beauty.  Yes.

On the way to work every day, there is a heavenly truck that smells of freshly cooked bacon.  Every day.

I do not eat bacon.

"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa ( Read more... )

Yesterday was his birthday.   Superbowl was a nice distraction.

Thank God for small favors.

I fear I'm suffering from Post California Depression.  Anyone with me?  Want to start a support group?

If I hadn't learned better from Deaux Beast, I'd demand something from my doctor immediately.