[fire emblem] [cafe arc] Psychological Warfare
Fandom: Fire Emblem
Title: Psychological Warfare
Characters/Pairing: Leila/Guy/Matthew. In that topping order, yes. Also, off screen Legault/Heath.
Word Count: 1101
Warnings: Polygamy. And bisexuality. And homosexuality. And. Stuff.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Fire Emblem belongs to Nintendo and Intelligent Systems. You don't want it to be mine.
Notes: I ONLY WANT TO WRITE AT ABSURD TIMES IN THE MORNING. Part of the Cafe arc, which I only have one other fic of, and it's not posted here! Will have to remedy that, yes.
Uh, there is a time line for this thing. It's after Adjustment Issues, which I should probably post soon.
Like I said, I only want to write at absurd times in the morning. All mistakes are mine. Corrections and criticisms are highly welcomed. It's been a while since I last wrote, after all. 8D;;
There was a lull in Matthew's life in which he had no cases to work on, no future clients to see, no older cases that needed to be reviewed, and no Leila or Legault in need of assistance. As a result, Matthew had taken it to devote his free time in trying to meld with the couch and be generally unhelpful as Leila and Guy rushed to and from their jobs every day. Leila, after two weeks of this, had begun addressing Matthew as The Lump, which Guy soon picked up as well.
Matthew didn't really care what they called him. It was the first break he had in a long time, and he was determined to see that he spent every moment of it doing nothing as much as he possibly could. He was succeeding pretty well, considering the only time he did anything at all was when he was forced off the couch by an enraged Leila on a cleaning warpath, and then he managed to drag himself to Guy's bed and lie face down on it for three hours before Guy came home and kicked him off.
It ended up being Serra who managed to make Matthew move again. She had dropped by without warning one day and took pictures of the house. Matthew had ignored the flashing lights that went off in front of his face at first, but when Leila dropped a stack of photos that had Matthew photoshopped into a rather obese potato with an acne problem, and then told him that Serra had posted these all over his law office, Matthew sprung off the couch, waving his arms around like a maniac and nearly hitting Guy in the face in the process, swore, and prepared to go out and rip the pictures off his office walls. Guy kindly reminded him that he was currently dressed only in his boxers, and Matthew was fully dressed and out the door before he realized that the pictures were probably some type of psychological warfare.
All right, thought Matthew, two could play that game.
He became sickly sweet and useful, offering to carry Leila's things, drive Guy to work, and be as helpful and nice as he possibly could. He rejoiced internally when, after cooking breakfast for the three of them, Leila and Guy had given him looks that said they were wondering if he had snapped and were planning to plant a bomb in the flowerpot and kill them all in a messy triple death. In response, he smiled as sweetly as possible, poured them more juice, and kissed them both on the cheek as they left the house.
He patted himself on the back that night and slept better than he had in years.
The days went by and Matthew continued to be helpful while the other two continued to be doubtful. Leila asked him to wash the dishes and he complied, enjoying the eyebrow she raised when he didn't protest. Guy asked him to drive him around town and Matthew did, chuckling inside at how Guy was paranoid as he sat in the car, looking at Matthew as if wondering if he would crash the car into a pole or something. The more they asked of him, the harder Matthew worked.
And then the two sent him out shopping and Matthew realized two things. One, his plan had somehow backfired on him, and two, he had no idea why he was sent to buy five dozen eggs.
"All right," Matthew said when he got home, "I give up."
Leila snatched the bags out of his hands. "Good. Now the backyard needs to be cleaned up."
Matthew gaped at her. "Didn't you hear me?" he asked. "I give up."
Leila stared at him, a carton of eggs in one hand, before turning to Guy and exchanging a look. Matthew felt his stomach sink.
"I want a divorce," he said to Leila. "And you," he said as he pointed to Guy, "when did you rise above the position of sex toy?"
Guy gave him an indignant look as Leila set down the eggs, grabbed Matthew by the arm, and pulled him towards the back door.
"Now, now," she said, "slaves shouldn't talk to their masters like that. Go clean the backyard; we have a party tonight."
"Nice party tonight."
"Shut up," Matthew said before taking a drink and trying his best to ignore Legault.
"So," Legault said, leaning casually against a tree and giving Matthew a smug look, "how long did it take for you to clean and decorate the place up?"
"Shut up."
"Tsk. See, I warned you earlier about things like this when you wanted to take Guy in. First the homosexuality, then the polygamy, now the S&M... Really, I'm surprised that there hasn't been any bondage yet. ...Or has there?"
Matthew gave Legault a glare that hopefully said to older man, "Like you're one to talk."
Legault raised an eyebrow, which Matthew took as saying, "So you're on the bottom."
Matthew scowled, by which he meant, "Shut up, I top, and my sex life is none of your concern."
Legault shrugged and drank his drink, which could have meant, "Mmhmm. I believe you." Or it could have meant, "I think I might defile your kitchen with Heath. Do you think Leila will kill me?" It was hard to tell with Legault.
"I really give up this time," Matthew said before collapsing into his bed. "I quit. I'm going back into being The Lump."
"Before you do that," Guy said before sitting on the edge of the bed, "I have one request."
"...What?"
"I want to top."
Matthew sat up and gave Guy a look. "Absolutely not!"
"Why not? You've topped all the times before!"
"I've just been treated as a slave for the past week. I don't need this."
"W-well, if not now, when? Besides, you're probab--"
"Leila," Matthew interrupted as he covered Guy's mouth with his hands, leaving the other to sputter angrily and attempt vainly to pry his hands off, "tell Guy he's not topping."
Leila shrugged. "I don't care who tops. It's hot either way. Although, you really haven't been fair to Guy..."
Matthew glared at Leila as Guy succeeded in removing Matthew's hands from his mouth. "Traitor."
The next morning, Matthew was awakened by Leila ranting loudly about Legault, sex, and her kitchen. He winced, yanked the pillow from underneath Guy's head, and covered his own head with the pilfered object.
"Hey," Guy protested sleepily. "I need that."
"At least you can move," Matthew said angrily before falling back asleep.
Title: Psychological Warfare
Characters/Pairing: Leila/Guy/Matthew. In that topping order, yes. Also, off screen Legault/Heath.
Word Count: 1101
Warnings: Polygamy. And bisexuality. And homosexuality. And. Stuff.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Fire Emblem belongs to Nintendo and Intelligent Systems. You don't want it to be mine.
Notes: I ONLY WANT TO WRITE AT ABSURD TIMES IN THE MORNING. Part of the Cafe arc, which I only have one other fic of, and it's not posted here! Will have to remedy that, yes.
Uh, there is a time line for this thing. It's after Adjustment Issues, which I should probably post soon.
Like I said, I only want to write at absurd times in the morning. All mistakes are mine. Corrections and criticisms are highly welcomed. It's been a while since I last wrote, after all. 8D;;
There was a lull in Matthew's life in which he had no cases to work on, no future clients to see, no older cases that needed to be reviewed, and no Leila or Legault in need of assistance. As a result, Matthew had taken it to devote his free time in trying to meld with the couch and be generally unhelpful as Leila and Guy rushed to and from their jobs every day. Leila, after two weeks of this, had begun addressing Matthew as The Lump, which Guy soon picked up as well.
Matthew didn't really care what they called him. It was the first break he had in a long time, and he was determined to see that he spent every moment of it doing nothing as much as he possibly could. He was succeeding pretty well, considering the only time he did anything at all was when he was forced off the couch by an enraged Leila on a cleaning warpath, and then he managed to drag himself to Guy's bed and lie face down on it for three hours before Guy came home and kicked him off.
It ended up being Serra who managed to make Matthew move again. She had dropped by without warning one day and took pictures of the house. Matthew had ignored the flashing lights that went off in front of his face at first, but when Leila dropped a stack of photos that had Matthew photoshopped into a rather obese potato with an acne problem, and then told him that Serra had posted these all over his law office, Matthew sprung off the couch, waving his arms around like a maniac and nearly hitting Guy in the face in the process, swore, and prepared to go out and rip the pictures off his office walls. Guy kindly reminded him that he was currently dressed only in his boxers, and Matthew was fully dressed and out the door before he realized that the pictures were probably some type of psychological warfare.
All right, thought Matthew, two could play that game.
He became sickly sweet and useful, offering to carry Leila's things, drive Guy to work, and be as helpful and nice as he possibly could. He rejoiced internally when, after cooking breakfast for the three of them, Leila and Guy had given him looks that said they were wondering if he had snapped and were planning to plant a bomb in the flowerpot and kill them all in a messy triple death. In response, he smiled as sweetly as possible, poured them more juice, and kissed them both on the cheek as they left the house.
He patted himself on the back that night and slept better than he had in years.
The days went by and Matthew continued to be helpful while the other two continued to be doubtful. Leila asked him to wash the dishes and he complied, enjoying the eyebrow she raised when he didn't protest. Guy asked him to drive him around town and Matthew did, chuckling inside at how Guy was paranoid as he sat in the car, looking at Matthew as if wondering if he would crash the car into a pole or something. The more they asked of him, the harder Matthew worked.
And then the two sent him out shopping and Matthew realized two things. One, his plan had somehow backfired on him, and two, he had no idea why he was sent to buy five dozen eggs.
"All right," Matthew said when he got home, "I give up."
Leila snatched the bags out of his hands. "Good. Now the backyard needs to be cleaned up."
Matthew gaped at her. "Didn't you hear me?" he asked. "I give up."
Leila stared at him, a carton of eggs in one hand, before turning to Guy and exchanging a look. Matthew felt his stomach sink.
"I want a divorce," he said to Leila. "And you," he said as he pointed to Guy, "when did you rise above the position of sex toy?"
Guy gave him an indignant look as Leila set down the eggs, grabbed Matthew by the arm, and pulled him towards the back door.
"Now, now," she said, "slaves shouldn't talk to their masters like that. Go clean the backyard; we have a party tonight."
"Nice party tonight."
"Shut up," Matthew said before taking a drink and trying his best to ignore Legault.
"So," Legault said, leaning casually against a tree and giving Matthew a smug look, "how long did it take for you to clean and decorate the place up?"
"Shut up."
"Tsk. See, I warned you earlier about things like this when you wanted to take Guy in. First the homosexuality, then the polygamy, now the S&M... Really, I'm surprised that there hasn't been any bondage yet. ...Or has there?"
Matthew gave Legault a glare that hopefully said to older man, "Like you're one to talk."
Legault raised an eyebrow, which Matthew took as saying, "So you're on the bottom."
Matthew scowled, by which he meant, "Shut up, I top, and my sex life is none of your concern."
Legault shrugged and drank his drink, which could have meant, "Mmhmm. I believe you." Or it could have meant, "I think I might defile your kitchen with Heath. Do you think Leila will kill me?" It was hard to tell with Legault.
"I really give up this time," Matthew said before collapsing into his bed. "I quit. I'm going back into being The Lump."
"Before you do that," Guy said before sitting on the edge of the bed, "I have one request."
"...What?"
"I want to top."
Matthew sat up and gave Guy a look. "Absolutely not!"
"Why not? You've topped all the times before!"
"I've just been treated as a slave for the past week. I don't need this."
"W-well, if not now, when? Besides, you're probab--"
"Leila," Matthew interrupted as he covered Guy's mouth with his hands, leaving the other to sputter angrily and attempt vainly to pry his hands off, "tell Guy he's not topping."
Leila shrugged. "I don't care who tops. It's hot either way. Although, you really haven't been fair to Guy..."
Matthew glared at Leila as Guy succeeded in removing Matthew's hands from his mouth. "Traitor."
The next morning, Matthew was awakened by Leila ranting loudly about Legault, sex, and her kitchen. He winced, yanked the pillow from underneath Guy's head, and covered his own head with the pilfered object.
"Hey," Guy protested sleepily. "I need that."
"At least you can move," Matthew said angrily before falling back asleep.