Dying to Love You, Loving You to Death
❇ Title: Dying to Love You, Loving You to Death + for everyone
❇ Pairing: Sehun/Luhan
❇ Rating: R
❇ Length: 6442
❇ Warnings: character death, talk of suicide
❇ Author note: this is my first angst with character death and i wrote my otp and killed my bias in this so it hurt to write this but i couldn't resist. i'm not sure it turned out as i planned but i do hope it's okay
❇ Summary: Sehun’s life has been devoid of color, wasting his time away when he learned he could never die. But a chance meeting with someone seems to bring the color back, no matter how much Sehun tries to avoid him and it. It can’t end well but Luhan is determined to show Sehun what he’s been missing out on.
The wind blew through his hair as he stood on the roof. Down below was nothing but grass and a few choice rocks. He positioned his body to get the maximum damage and fell.
Sehun woke up in his bed, body aching but still intact. He sighed but got up from bed to get ready for the day.
He’d lost track of the days and years ever since he learned he couldn’t die. All around him, family and friends had moved on and yet still he remained. It was a mystery he couldn’t solve.
At least with this “gift”, his youth had not faded. After he had turned 18, he had stopped aging. Like the creatures of legend, he had to relocate every few years after he had exhausted a location.
Thankfully, with the help of his friends, he had a tiny inheritance that could keep him living. Those he took into his confidence would leave him a little something in their will which he was grateful though always a little bitter.
Sehun found something in the fridge to eat as he looked out the kitchen window. Cars drove by, people walked pass, but Sehun paid no attention to them.
After going through high school and college several times, Sehun was taking a break to concentrate on his long time goal: to die.
Sehun sighed, staring at his empty fridge. “I guess it’s time to go grocery shopping.”
He had tried the starvation method before but that had just resulted in him wasting time, saving money, and him alive at the end of it all. He now knew how the body broke down when denied substance which wasn’t pleasant, leaving him bedridden until he passed out for who knows how long before waking, healthy and new.
He heaved a long suffering sigh. Living year after year with no enjoyment for life was torture. He had done all he had wanted at the beginning of his endless life; now everything was gray and monotonous. There was no point in going on and yet, forever he will live.
Sehun slipped on his shoes, not caring to tie them, hoping maybe he could trip and die. But then he remembered the last time he had tripped and fell to his death in public: someone had called the medics and he had to deal with the expensive hospital bill and explanation of how he was perfectly fine the next day after a life threatening fall after the doctors had done all they could to save him. After paying the bill, he had left town to save from any awkwardness from his shabby explanation.
He had no idea why he was like this. He was an anomaly but didn’t want to spend life in a test tube for if any doctor or researcher knew of his condition, he’d be poked and prodded and studied like an inanimate object by strangers.
Sehun shook his head as he quickly tied his shoes. With a neutral expression, he locked his door and headed down the stairs to the local grocery store.
>->o o<-<
Sehun walked through the aisles with his cart, just pulling the easy to cook meals off the shelf and into his cart. For all the years he’d lived, he hadn’t learned to cook after his first time. It had ended in such a disaster he forbade himself to ever cook again.
Well, there was one cooking “accident” when he had tried going through the different ways to kill himself in a kitchen. He had gone through a phase where each week (or was it each month?) where he tried all the different killing methods that could be done in each room of the house. All ended with him alive the next day but now he knew which methods were quickest and painless. He kept a blog where he recorded these different killing methods. He kept it totally anonymous with an alias as sometimes people found his posts helpful or disturbing or offensive. He got hate and praise for it but he didn’t care, considering he would outlive them all.
After getting his supply of instant, easy to cook meals, he headed towards the drinks. Sehun grabbed cases of soda and water and a few alcohol bottles. He was debating on grabbing some beer along with his hard liquor when someone bumped into him.
“Oh sorry, I-I didn’t see you.”
“Oh it’s alright, are you okay?” Sehun found himself looking at a bright beaming face beneath a mop of soft looking blonde locks.
“Yes, yes I’m fine. My name is Luhan. And yours?”
“Sehun.” Sehun eyes the hand held out to him before tentatively taking it. It had been a while since he last talked to someone. He hadn’t made a friend since his last one died like ten years ago.
“Well Sehun, do you think I could take you out for coffee some time? As an apology for running into you.”
“Oh…uh sure, why not after this? I’m almost done and wouldn’t want to take up more of your time.”
“Oh no, it’s not trouble. I bumped into you. So here, I’m almost done.” Luhan beamed as he held up his mostly empty basket. Sehun’s brow rose but he made no comment as he followed Luhan towards the register. He and Luhan paid for their groceries before heading out of the store.
“Do you want to take your groceries home first?” Luhan smiled at Sehun.
“Oh uh we can just go get the coffee. I’ll be fine.”
Luhan eyed the many bags in Sehun’s hands. He looked at the one measly bag he held. “Here, then let me help you.”
Luhan gently pried some of Sehun’s bags from his hand. “Now let’s go.”
>->o o<-<
The two headed down the block to the local coffee shop. Sehun found a spot and set his bags down. Luhan had already gone up to the counter to order. Since he didn’t want to leave his bags unattended, he waited for Luhan to come back.
“Oh, I ordered for you. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh um…thanks I guess but you didn’t have to.”
“No, it’s fine. I bumped into you and this is just my way of paying you back. If you don’t like what I ordered, I can give you mine if you like it better or order something else. It’s really no trouble at all.” Luhan beamed.
“Uh okay…so uh what do you do?”
“Oh, I’m an artist. I’m not really famous or popular but a few people have seen and liked my work. I have a blog where I post my work and take some commissions as well. I work from home on my own schedule, which is nice. I work fast when I need to though.” Luhan beamed as he took a breath. “So what do you do?”
“Oh um I’m not really working right now. Kind of taking a break before I search for a job again.”
“Ah okay, that’s nice. Oh look, our order’s ready.” Luhan took the buzzer and went up to the counter. He returned a few minutes later with two cups of coffee. “I got an Americano and a chocolate mocha frappuccino.”
Sehun’s eyes lit up, hand automatically reaching for the frappuccino. “Thanks, but how did you know?”
“Just a guess plus I saw all the chocolate in your bag.” Luhan laughed, eyes crinkling.
Sehun felt something stirring inside him, something he thought had been dead so long ago. His mouth pulled tight into a straight line as he took a sip of his drink.
“Hey, are you okay? Do you not like it?” Luhan looked at Sehun with a slight frown, hiw own straw just centimeters from his mouth.
“Oh no, it’s nothing. Just thinking about something.”
“Oh…want to tell me or is that getting too personal too soon?”
“Oh no, it’s fine, but it’s really nothing. So what kinds of things do you paint?” Sehun paused, taking a sip of his drink. “Wait, do you paint? Or work in some other medium?”
Luhan laughed. “I mostly paint but I do dabble in other mediums. Working with clay is always good anger management; working the clay with your hands to get out all your frustration is nice and then when you create something beautiful from it, it’s worth it and your anger is all gone, turned into something positive and beautiful.”
“Hmmm, that’s interesting. Never thought of it like that.”
Luhan chuckled. “Many people don’t. I’m unique like that.”
Luhan stuck his tongue out in a playful manner.
Sehun felt his lips lift in a tiny smile. It had been a while since someone had conversed in such an easy manner with him. The last one to do so had died ten years ago. Sehun had stopped trying to make friends but maybe Luhan could be an interesting diversion in this town.
“Well, if we’re gone with our drinks, want to take our groceries home?”
“Sure.” He didn’t even protest when Luhan took some of his bags. It was true he would have a bit of difficulty bringing them home but he was used to it. However, it was nice to accept a helping hand for once.
Luhan gripped the bags tightly and beamed at Sehun. “Alright, lead the way.”
>->o o<-<
Sehun stopped at his apartment door. “Well, thanks for helping me, but I can take it from here.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” Sehun grabbed his bags from Luhan. “Go on home.”
Luhan shuffled his feet.
Sehun looked at him. “What is it?”
“I had a fun coffee date with you and hope we can do it again.” Luhan beamed before currying away to the door right next to his. He quickly opened the door and slipped inside but not before another look and shy wave to Sehun.
Very few things shocked Sehun nowadays but that did.
Sehun stood there, gaping a bit before shaking his head and slipping inside. He placed all his groceries away before grabbing a bottle of alcohol off the shelf (he had quite a collection thanks to his long life), opening it, and downing a third of the contents in one go.
>->o o<-<
Sehun stared out his window, another day in his endless life. Outside, people were going to and fro, doing whatever it was they had planned for the day. He wondered how many of them would die today. He gave a sigh and got up, deciding to wash today.
He set the temperature just a bit too hot and stood under the spray. He let the water run over his body, moving automatically to shampoo his hair and scrub his body. Once he was clean, he stepped out of the tub, wrapping a towel around his waist. At that moment, there was a knock on the door.
Sehun walked to the door and opened it, not bothering to check who it was. Luhan stood there, mouth slightly ajar.
“Luhan? What are you doing here?”
Luhan visibly gulped before flashing a bright smile at Sehun. “Oh I was just wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat. It’s about dinnertime now and well…I thought it would be nice to eat with someone for a change.”
“Oh…um sure. Just let me get dressed. Uh you can wait inside if you want.”
“Thanks.” Luhan gave a hesitant smile as he stepped past Sehun and headed for the lone couch in the living room.
Sehun headed towards his bedroom, throwing his towel aside and grabbing some clothes. He looked at the clock and didn’t realize how late it was. He hadn’t realized he had taken so long in the shower. It was around noon when he had awoken. Since he had nothing to occupy his time, Sehun kept an odd schedule, sleeping and waking whenever he wished and eating at any hour.
He changed, ran a towel through his hair quickly, and came back out to find Luhan perched on his sofa but curiously looking around.
“Find something interesting?” Sehun grinned, seeing Luhan blush.
“Sorry, just the artist in me. I like to observe things and make a note for later in case I need inspiration for a project.” Luhan smiled. “Ready to go?”
“Yep.” Sehun grabbed his keys and wallet and followed Luhan out the door.
>->o o<-<
The two were seated at a table in the back of the restaurant. Luhan smiled as he looked at the menu. “So what have you been doing all day?”
“Uh nothing since I woke up a few hours ago and showered not too soon after.”
A light flush covered Luhan’s cheeks. “Oh uh about that…”
“Oh no, it’s okay. Just a bit surprised since I don’t get many visitors anymore.”
“Why not? Don’t you have any friends?”
“Many of them are too far away now to spend time with and I’m not really good at making new friends so tends to be me alone.”
“Aww, that’s sad. Well I hope you can consider me a new friend. You’re welcome to spend as much time with me as you want.” Luhan beamed. “Now shall we order?”
Sehun slightly nodded his head, giving Luhan the go-ahead.
Dinner was delicious with good conversation. It had been a while since he got along so well with someone.
“Want some dessert or should we head home?”
“Oh, uh…home I guess. I’m sure many other things to be doing than to spend time with me.”
“Oh alright, I guess I should start working. I have a few commissions lined up that I should be working on.” Luhan stood up and held his hand out to Sehun. “Shall we?”
Sehun looked at Luhan’s outstretched hand then his face then back at his hand. He glanced as Luhan’s smiling face. He felt a small tug on his heart and ignored it, pushing Luhan’s hand aside and standing up. He pretended not to see Luhan’s slight frown and walked out of the restaurant, heading home.
>->o o<-<
Sehun sat in his chair by the window, staring out at the city below. He could see all the cars and people busy going from place to place. He sighed and wished it was raining to match his mood.
For the last few weeks, Luhan had been stopping by to see if Sehun wanted to hang out with him or get something to eat. A few times, Sehun went along with him if he was feeling generous and other times, he declined, not wanting to get close even if Luhan made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a while.
Sehun wanted to spend his endless life alone as he couldn’t deal with seeing more friends die as he continued to live. However, it seemed as if Luhan was determined for them to have some kind of relationship. A few times, Sehun was wondering if Luhan had a sexual interest in him but when he looked more closely, any hint of attraction was nonexistent and the light of friendship glowed from Luhan’s eyes.
Sehun sighed, running a hand through his hair. This was so frustrating. He hadn’t had to deal with such emotions for a while. Why did he have to deal with them now? Why was Luhan doing this to him?
A knock sounded on the door, drawing Sehun out of his thoughts. He got up and checked through the peephole. Luhan was standing there, takeout bag in hand. He opened it and leaned on the doorframe. “Yes, Luhan?”
“Hi, I thought we could eat in and watch a movie or something.”
“Oh um…sure.” Sehun stepped aside, allowing Luhan in. “You know for all the times you come over here, you might as well have a key.”
“Could I?”
“What?” Sehun gaped at Luhan.
Luhan laughed. “I’m just joking but it is nice to leave a key with a neighbor sometimes in case of trouble, especially if you live alone. But no worries.”
He headed towards the kitchen setting the bags down. He rooted around Sehun’s cabinets for plates and utensils.
Luhan had two plates full of food as he walked over to the couch where Sehun was already seated.
“Thanks, Luhan. So what did you want to watch?”
“Oh there’s this interesting movie I wanted to watch.” Luhan grabbed the remote and turned to the channel. A sappy romantic comedy was playing. Sehun raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
The two grabbed their plates and dug in.
Sehun smiled, gently rubbing his stomach after filling it so fully. He settled back on his couch and watched the movie. He saw some movement on his side but disregarded it. He froze when he felt a warm body move into his personal space, settling beside him. He turned his head and saw a mop of blonde hair resting on his shoulder.
Sehun said nothing, turning back towards the TV. He felt a hand slide around his arm and a cheek nuzzling his shoulder. “Luhan?”
“Shh…I want to watch the movie.” Luhan flashed a smile at Sehun before turning back to the TV.
Sehun wasn’t sure how to feel about this change. They rarely had any skin-to-skin contact so this was a new development. He took deep steady breaths, trying to not let this affect him but he could smell Luhan’s shampoo.
Luhan turned his head and smiled up at Sehun. “You okay?”
“Um…not yet but soon.” Before he could rethink his action, Sehun leaned down and gently pressed his lips against Luhan. He pulled away a few seconds later, turning to resolutely stare at the TV.
“Sehun?”
Sehun pursed his lips, refusing to turn his head.
“Sehun. Sehun!” Luhan gripped Sehun’s chin and turned his head towards him. Sehun’s eyes widened when Luhan planted his lips on his. He stayed still until Luhan pulled back and frowned. “Open your mouth.”
Sehun did it and Luhan came back, pressing his tongue into Sehun’s mouth. A small moan slipped from Sehun’s mouth as Luhan pressed closer. Luhan shifted on the couch as he moved to sit in Sehun’s lap. Sehun’s arms wrapped around Luhan’s waist as Luhan’s arms wrapped around Sehun’s neck.
Luhan pulled away with a smile, breathing shallow. Sehun deeply inhaled, chest heaving as he looked at Luhan. Their foreheads pressed together as matching smiles crossed their face.
>->o o<-<
Luhan was now a constant presence in Sehun’s life, stopping by in the morning and afternoon for a quick greeting or a meal. At night, he’d come over to cuddle, make out, and eat dinner. They stopped going out to eat ever since Luhan found it more enjoyable to eat off of him or to neck while they eat.
Sehun couldn’t complain. Luhan had brought the light back into his life and while he had resisted in the beginning, it was a good thing for his endless life. But how long it would last, Sehun didn’t want to think about.
>->o o<-<
Sehun was busy heating up some food in the kitchen when Luhan called him from his bedroom. “Yes? What is it, Luhan?”
He froze when he saw Luhan by his desk, a journal in his hand.
Luhan looked up with wide eyes. “What is this, Sehun?”
He flipped through a few pages before closing it.
“Oh it’s uh…nothing.”
Luhan looked at Sehun carefully. “I know you’re lying. You’ve been keeping something from me and I want to know what. Now explain this journal.”
Sehun sighed. “That’s my personal journal I’ve kept since I was young.”
“Yes, but what is the date on the entries?” Luhan flipped to a random page dated twenty years ago. “You look like you’re barely out of high school so why does this journal say you’re older than that?”
“Well truth be told, I’m about one hundred and two years old.”
“What? You can’t be serious.” Luhan looked disbelievingly at Sehun.
Sehun sighed, going to his bed to get comfortable. He sat down, back resting against the headboard. He looked at Luhan who frowning at him. “I was hoping to avoid this but given the nature of our relationship, it was bound to happen. I was just hoping to put it off a bit longer.”
“What is it, Sehun? What do you have to tell me?” Luhan’s frown deepened, his hands coming to rest on his hips.
“Well there’s something a bit different about me.”
“Well yes, I knew that but -“
Sehun held up a hand. “Shh, this is one time you should not interrupt me.”
He gave a gentle smile and took a deep fortifying breath. It was always hard to reveal his secret but somehow the worries multiplied when he had to tell Luhan. It was a sign he was probably in too deep.
Sehun looked Luhan in the eye. “I can’t die.”
Luhan cleared his throat. “What do you mean you can’t die?”
“I mean I can’t die. I’ve tried all methods to kill myself but I wake up the next day, well and healthy.”
Luhan looked at Sehun like he was a bit insane. “You can’t be serious.”
“Well if you don’t believe me, I’ll have to prove it to me. Just promise you don’t freak out or call the cops.”
“What are you -“ Luhan’s eyes widened when Sehun pulled out a knife from his bedside drawer. “What do you think you’re doing, Sehun?”
“Proving to you that I can’t die.”
“No. Please, Sehun, don’t do it.” Luhan hurried over, throwing himself at Sehun. “Please don’t kill yourself. No, please don’t. I can’t…you can’t.”
“Shh…” Sehun pressed a kiss to the top of Luhan’s head. “I’ll be fine. I don’t want to have to tie you up but if you won’t calm down, then I’ll have to.”
Sehun could feel the hot tears against his neck as Luhan kept his face buried in Sehun’s neck, words of protest falling from his mouth. He heaved a sigh, placing the knife on his bedside table. Wrapping his arms around Luhan, he gently cooed until Luhan had calmed down enough.
With a kiss to his forehead, Sehun lifted Luhan and carried him over to his chair. As Luhan dried his eyes, Sehun reached for his rope, tying Luhan’s ankles to the legs of the chair. Taking each arm, Sehun tied a special knot, one that would keep Luhan secured but he could untie himself when he needed.
“S-S-Sehun…what are you doing?”
“Just stay there, please.” Sehun pressed a kiss to Luhan’s lips. “I’m only going to do this once and that’s it. I want you to believe me. That’s the only way this relationship can move forward. I’m sorry for this but I promise it’ll only be once and then after…well…we’ll talk.”
Luhan watched as Sehun came back to his bed, back resting against his headboard. His eyes widened and his body froze as Sehun picked the knife back up and slashed hard and deep across his throat. The blood rushed out of his face as Sehun slumped over.
Luhan pulled at his ties, rubbing his wrists and ankles raw until he found the way to untie them. He released his ankles and hurried to Sehun’s side. He set the knife on the bedside table and gathered Sehun close to him. Hot tears slipped down his face as he cradled Sehun’s head in his lap.
“Sehun, Sehun, Sehun, how could you do this? Sehun…I love you. You can’t be gone like this.” Luhan kept Sehun close to him, not moving, just holding Sehun close.
Sehun woke up to find Luhan’s tear streaked face above his. He smiled gently at the snoozing Luhan and lifted a hand to gently touch his cheek. Luhan’s eyes flashed open and he gasped, clinging Sehun tightly to him.
“Sehun! You’re alive. But how?” Luhan pulled Sehun away from him. He checked Sehun’s neck where there was no sign of a scar. “How is this possible?”
Sehun smiled gently up at Luhan. “I’m not sure but you believe me now, don’t you?”
“Yes, yes I do, but please don’t ever do that again.” Luhan hit Sehun’s chest before leaning down and pressing his lips desperately against Sehun’s.
Sehun allowed Luhan to cling to him, his arms wrapping gently around Luhan’s waist. Luhan settled himself more comfortably on Sehun, climbing on top of him, laying his body over Sehun’s as he kept kissing him.
Sehun pulled away when he heard a grumble. He chuckled as he looked at Luhan’s embarrassed face. “Hungry? Let me treat you.”
He pressed a kiss to Luhan’s lips. “Come on, let’s shower and then we’ll go.”
Sehun led Luhan into his bathroom where they shared warm water and kisses.
>->o o<-<
After revealing his secret to Luhan, nothing seemed to have change with their relationship which Sehun liked. But he still had that one fear in the back of his mind. How long would he be able to be with Luhan?
“Hey, Sehun, what’s the matter?” Luhan looked up at Sehun from his spot next to him on the couch.
“Oh it’s nothing.”
“No…something’s bothering you, I can tell.”
“It’s nothing.” Sehun leaned down, pecking Luhan’s lips.
Luhan frowned but let it passed. “Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow. I wanted to show you this piece I was working on.”
“Oh sure.” Sehun smiled, pulling Luhan closer, head coming down to nuzzle into his neck. “Now let’s enjoy the movie.”
>->o o<-<
Sehun knocked on Luhan’s door.
“Come in.”
Sehun walked in and found Luhan elbow deep in paint, a brightly colored canvas in front of him. “Hey, what are you doing?”
“Oh just releasing some stress. Care to join?” Luhan smiled, hands already holding another bucket of paint.
“Uh I think I’ll pass…and wait in your kitchen until you’re done.” Sehun hurried away, sitting down at the kitchen table, waiting for Luhan.
Luhan came in a few moments later, remnants of paint still on his hands and clothes. “Just give me a moment to wash up and then I’ll show you what I wanted to show you.”
“Alright, did you want something to drink?”
“Sure, that’ll be great.” Luhan smiled.
Sehun returned the smile before turning around to rummage around Luhan’s kitchen.
“Hey Sehun, look at this.”
Sehun turned around, mugs in hand, and froze. In Luhan’s hand was a small canvas but it was the subject that captivated him. “Is that…me?”
Luhan blushed and nodded. “I want you to see how I saw you, the light in my life. I hate how you’re so worried about something and I want you to know I’m here for you. I guess you didn’t hear me that night but I love you.”
Sehun could feel himself cracking. He set the mugs aside and walked over to Luhan. He grabbed the canvas, setting it aside, and gathered Luhan into his arms, his head burying into Luhan’s neck. “I love it and I love you.”
He felt Luhan smile, his hands coming up to wrap tightly around Sehun.
>->o o<-<
“Sehun…can I talk to you?”
Sehun nodded, not used to the serious tone of Luhan’s voice. He set down his book and followed Luhan to the couch. He sat down but Luhan took the seat across from him in a separate chair. “Luhan?”
“Sehun, we’ve been together for a while now. We know just about everything about each other but there’s still something you’re keeping from me. What is it?” Luhan stared hard at Sehun.
Sehun wanted to look away but he couldn’t. That would be disrespectful and it was about time he really opened up, no matter how hurt he got later. He heaved a heavy sigh. “You know I love you and I trust you but I can’t help but worry about what will happen in the future. If we do stay together, it’s only a matter of time before you die and I’m left alone again.”
Luhan saw Sehun’s hands clenching and unclenching. “I don’t want you to be afraid of the future. You need to enjoy life, all the good and bad. I want you to enjoy our time together and not regret. When it does end, I want you to be able to look back on it with warm memories. Don’t be afraid of life. You’ve been given a gift to see the world and all its changes. You should be happy with what you have. Even if there’s no end for your life, still enjoy each day. Don’t just waste it. Many people don’t get this chance.”
“Let’s see if you say the same thing after experiencing what I experienced.” Sehun’s mouth formed a pout, something Luhan found endearingly cute.
Luhan chuckled as he moved from his seat onto Sehun’s lap. He gently cupped Sehun’s cheeks. “Sehun…”
“What?” Sehun’s pout deepened.
“You’re so cute.” Luhan laughed at the shocked expression on Sehun’s face. “I’m going to make sure you enjoy life and our time together. No regrets.”
Sehun smiled softly at Luhan. “No regrets.”
>->o o<-<
Since his declaration, Luhan went out of his way to make every day together special. He planned different activities for them to do, making fun memories for the two of them.
Sehun enjoyed every day but he still couldn’t shake that one worry of his.
Luhan could see it plaguing Sehun’s mind no matter how happy he looked. It was time for Luhan to do some serious thinking.
>->o o<-<
Luhan smiled at Sehun from across the dinner table. “You know…I’ve been thinking…”
“Oh about what?” Sehun smiled as he took a bite of his dinner.
“What if we die together?”
“What?” Sehun’s spoon clattered to the table.
Luhan looked Sehun in the eye. “What if we die together? Maybe that will end your curse. A double love suicide.”
“Luhan…you don’t know what you’re saying. You’re still young and have your life ahead of you. Why would you choose to die now?”
“Because I want to die with the man I love. If we can die together, maybe it’ll end your suffering and we can be truly happy together.”
“But we’re happy now. Why would you want to die? Luhan…you’re not thinking this through.”
“Oh I have and what difference does it make if I die now or later? You’re worried about me dying anyway. At least this way we both know when it happens and should you wake up the next day, it’ll at least ease your pain a bit.” Luhan gave a small smile. “I love you, Sehun, and it hurts me seeing you so worried every day. It’s worth a try, isn’t it?”
Sehun sat in silence for a bit, pondering over Luhan’s words. He pushed himself away from the table, getting up and walking around to Luhan. He grabbed Luhan’s hand, pulling him from the table to the bedroom. He pulled Luhan to the bed where he cupped Luhan’s cheeks and gently pressed kisses all over his face.
Sehun’s lips wandered down Luhan’s neck. His hands slipped beneath Luhan’s shirt to feel the soft smooth skin.
Luhan clung to Sehun, tilting his head to give Sehun further access. “Sehun…”
Sehun stopped, looking down at Luhan’s flushed face. He continued pressing kisses all over Luhan’s face. He reached for Luhan’s shirt, pulling it off. His lips moved down Luhan’s body as his hands made quick work of Luhan’s pants and boxers.
Luhan moaned, hands resting on Sehun’s shoulders as Sehun kissed every inch of Luhan’s body. “Sehun…please…”
Sehun came back up, picking Luhan up and gently laying him down on the bed. He watched Luhan as he took of his clothes. When he was completely naked, he came back onto the bed, laying on top of Luhan.
Luhan spread his legs, allowing Sehun space, and wrapped his arms around Sehun’s neck. “Sehun…”
Sehun leaned down, pressing his lips against Luhan’s. His hands wandered over Luhan’s body, touching it lightly, tracing every single part of it.
“Sehun…” Luhan moved his body, pressing it flush against Sehun’s.
Sehun said nothing, just trailed his mouth down Luhan’s body, going over all the places he had touched.
Luhan writhed beneath him, hands fisting into the sheets as Sehun made sweet gentle love to him.
As the two lay on the bed, spent and content, Sehun turned to look at Luhan. “Alright, we’ll do it.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I trust you and love you. If there’s a chance for me to break this endless cycle, I’ll do it as long as it’s with you.”
“Sehun…” Luhan’s eyes watered as he clung to Sehun. “I love you so much. I just want us both to be happy.”
“I want that too.” Sehun smiled gently as he pressed a kiss to Luhan’s forehead. “Now sleep. We’ll discuss details in the morning.”
>->o o<-<
Everything was all set. The living room was set with candles and flowers. The two knives they would use was set in the middle of the bed they would lay on.
Luhan smiled softly at Sehun, cupping his cheek. “I have something for you, should you wake up the next day. I left it for you on your desk.”
Sehun said nothing, taking Luhan’s hands and pressing a kiss to each. He pressed a kiss to Luhan’s forehead, his nose, each cheek, and finally his lips. “I love you so much, more than you could ever know.”
“I love you too.” Luhan gave a gentle smile, returning the kisses.
The two lay down on the bed, on their sides, looking at each other. Their hands found each other, gripping tightly, as their other hand each grabbed a knife.
Looking straight into each other’s eyes, they both plunged the knife into their heart.
Sehun’s eyes opened. His bedroom ceiling greeted him, stark white. He slowly got up and rubbed the ache in his heart. With careful steps, he walked over to Luhan’s apartment. Using the key he was given, he opened the door and found Luhan where he was last night.
Silent tears flowed as he silently shut the door again, locking it tightly. He trudged back to his apartment, shutting the door behind him and slumped on his couch, head in his hands, letting the tears flow.
When the tears had subsided, Sehun headed back to his bedroom, heading to his desk where a large box sat.
Slowly lifting the lid, the tears filled his eyes again when he saw the contents. There were small cards, photos and artwork from Luhan; most of the subjects were him, Luhan, or the two of them. He could make out an image, one titled “Our future”, where it showed the two of them living happily and in love. There was a large book beneath, what looked to be a scrapbook, and a letter resting on top. Sehun picked up the letter and opened it.
Sehun my love,
If you’re reading this, then you know you can still live and I have died. I’m sorry to have done this to you, leaving you alone again, but I wanted to stop your suffering somehow. I thought a true love double suicide may work but I guess it didn’t. But please don’t mourn me for long, a year at most.
I want you to move on and enjoy life like I said. With your many years of living, you could do such great things. They can be tiny things but you have the power to change the world. You’ve seen it go through so many changes I’m sure by now you know what’s best for the world than the ones running it. This is not a suggestion to run for office. I know you wouldn’t like that at all plus they may think you’re a bit too young with your looks.
But please do something worthwhile with your life. I know you can. Don’t just waste it away when you’re given the chance to experience everything there is to offer. You can travel to new places, you can experience all the new sports, cars, technology, everything the world has to offer. So go out and enjoy. Be the man you were back when you were eighteen all those years ago, back before you found out about your endless life.
Yes, I read your journal but that’s only because it was so interesting and I wanted to know more about you. But please Sehun, go on and enjoy. You weren’t meant to be kept in a box and that’s what you were doing before I came into your life.
I know this is kind of late but I’d been watching you ever since you moved in a year ago. You attracted me and fascinated me in ways no one ever had and I’m so glad I finally decided to make the first move as you certainly wouldn’t. You’ve given me the best times of my life and I hope you look back on our time with a warm heart.
In case you forget or just want to remember, I made you a scrapbook of all our time together, from the very beginning when you first moved in until the very end.
Just know that I love you and I’ll always be with you.
Yours forever,
Luhan ♥
Sehun brushed the tears streaming down his face. He carefully picked up the scrapbook and flipped through it. He saw all the pictures taken during their many little adventures and even saw pictures he hadn’t realized Luhan had taken, the day when Sehun had first moved in, their first coffee date, and many others. Carefully taking everything out, Sehun set them up around the room before lying down in his bed.
As much as it pained him, Sehun would do his best to continue living and enjoying his life, in honor of Luhan and their love. It was the least he could do and maybe somewhere along the way, he’ll find a way to get back to Luhan so they could be together forever like they had wanted.
Sehun fell asleep, a single tear falling down his face. It may have been his imagination but he thought he felt a gentle hand like Luhan’s wipe it away. “I miss you so much, Luhan. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Luhan whispered as he watched Sehun from above. He gently caressed Sehun’s cheek, hoping he could feel the warmth, love, and comfort.
Sehun’s lips stretched into a small contented smile as silent tears continued to stream down his face.
❇ Pairing: Sehun/Luhan
❇ Rating: R
❇ Length: 6442
❇ Warnings: character death, talk of suicide
❇ Author note: this is my first angst with character death and i wrote my otp and killed my bias in this so it hurt to write this but i couldn't resist. i'm not sure it turned out as i planned but i do hope it's okay
❇ Summary: Sehun’s life has been devoid of color, wasting his time away when he learned he could never die. But a chance meeting with someone seems to bring the color back, no matter how much Sehun tries to avoid him and it. It can’t end well but Luhan is determined to show Sehun what he’s been missing out on.
The wind blew through his hair as he stood on the roof. Down below was nothing but grass and a few choice rocks. He positioned his body to get the maximum damage and fell.
Sehun woke up in his bed, body aching but still intact. He sighed but got up from bed to get ready for the day.
He’d lost track of the days and years ever since he learned he couldn’t die. All around him, family and friends had moved on and yet still he remained. It was a mystery he couldn’t solve.
At least with this “gift”, his youth had not faded. After he had turned 18, he had stopped aging. Like the creatures of legend, he had to relocate every few years after he had exhausted a location.
Thankfully, with the help of his friends, he had a tiny inheritance that could keep him living. Those he took into his confidence would leave him a little something in their will which he was grateful though always a little bitter.
Sehun found something in the fridge to eat as he looked out the kitchen window. Cars drove by, people walked pass, but Sehun paid no attention to them.
After going through high school and college several times, Sehun was taking a break to concentrate on his long time goal: to die.
Sehun sighed, staring at his empty fridge. “I guess it’s time to go grocery shopping.”
He had tried the starvation method before but that had just resulted in him wasting time, saving money, and him alive at the end of it all. He now knew how the body broke down when denied substance which wasn’t pleasant, leaving him bedridden until he passed out for who knows how long before waking, healthy and new.
He heaved a long suffering sigh. Living year after year with no enjoyment for life was torture. He had done all he had wanted at the beginning of his endless life; now everything was gray and monotonous. There was no point in going on and yet, forever he will live.
Sehun slipped on his shoes, not caring to tie them, hoping maybe he could trip and die. But then he remembered the last time he had tripped and fell to his death in public: someone had called the medics and he had to deal with the expensive hospital bill and explanation of how he was perfectly fine the next day after a life threatening fall after the doctors had done all they could to save him. After paying the bill, he had left town to save from any awkwardness from his shabby explanation.
He had no idea why he was like this. He was an anomaly but didn’t want to spend life in a test tube for if any doctor or researcher knew of his condition, he’d be poked and prodded and studied like an inanimate object by strangers.
Sehun shook his head as he quickly tied his shoes. With a neutral expression, he locked his door and headed down the stairs to the local grocery store.
>->o o<-<
Sehun walked through the aisles with his cart, just pulling the easy to cook meals off the shelf and into his cart. For all the years he’d lived, he hadn’t learned to cook after his first time. It had ended in such a disaster he forbade himself to ever cook again.
Well, there was one cooking “accident” when he had tried going through the different ways to kill himself in a kitchen. He had gone through a phase where each week (or was it each month?) where he tried all the different killing methods that could be done in each room of the house. All ended with him alive the next day but now he knew which methods were quickest and painless. He kept a blog where he recorded these different killing methods. He kept it totally anonymous with an alias as sometimes people found his posts helpful or disturbing or offensive. He got hate and praise for it but he didn’t care, considering he would outlive them all.
After getting his supply of instant, easy to cook meals, he headed towards the drinks. Sehun grabbed cases of soda and water and a few alcohol bottles. He was debating on grabbing some beer along with his hard liquor when someone bumped into him.
“Oh sorry, I-I didn’t see you.”
“Oh it’s alright, are you okay?” Sehun found himself looking at a bright beaming face beneath a mop of soft looking blonde locks.
“Yes, yes I’m fine. My name is Luhan. And yours?”
“Sehun.” Sehun eyes the hand held out to him before tentatively taking it. It had been a while since he last talked to someone. He hadn’t made a friend since his last one died like ten years ago.
“Well Sehun, do you think I could take you out for coffee some time? As an apology for running into you.”
“Oh…uh sure, why not after this? I’m almost done and wouldn’t want to take up more of your time.”
“Oh no, it’s not trouble. I bumped into you. So here, I’m almost done.” Luhan beamed as he held up his mostly empty basket. Sehun’s brow rose but he made no comment as he followed Luhan towards the register. He and Luhan paid for their groceries before heading out of the store.
“Do you want to take your groceries home first?” Luhan smiled at Sehun.
“Oh uh we can just go get the coffee. I’ll be fine.”
Luhan eyed the many bags in Sehun’s hands. He looked at the one measly bag he held. “Here, then let me help you.”
Luhan gently pried some of Sehun’s bags from his hand. “Now let’s go.”
>->o o<-<
The two headed down the block to the local coffee shop. Sehun found a spot and set his bags down. Luhan had already gone up to the counter to order. Since he didn’t want to leave his bags unattended, he waited for Luhan to come back.
“Oh, I ordered for you. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh um…thanks I guess but you didn’t have to.”
“No, it’s fine. I bumped into you and this is just my way of paying you back. If you don’t like what I ordered, I can give you mine if you like it better or order something else. It’s really no trouble at all.” Luhan beamed.
“Uh okay…so uh what do you do?”
“Oh, I’m an artist. I’m not really famous or popular but a few people have seen and liked my work. I have a blog where I post my work and take some commissions as well. I work from home on my own schedule, which is nice. I work fast when I need to though.” Luhan beamed as he took a breath. “So what do you do?”
“Oh um I’m not really working right now. Kind of taking a break before I search for a job again.”
“Ah okay, that’s nice. Oh look, our order’s ready.” Luhan took the buzzer and went up to the counter. He returned a few minutes later with two cups of coffee. “I got an Americano and a chocolate mocha frappuccino.”
Sehun’s eyes lit up, hand automatically reaching for the frappuccino. “Thanks, but how did you know?”
“Just a guess plus I saw all the chocolate in your bag.” Luhan laughed, eyes crinkling.
Sehun felt something stirring inside him, something he thought had been dead so long ago. His mouth pulled tight into a straight line as he took a sip of his drink.
“Hey, are you okay? Do you not like it?” Luhan looked at Sehun with a slight frown, hiw own straw just centimeters from his mouth.
“Oh no, it’s nothing. Just thinking about something.”
“Oh…want to tell me or is that getting too personal too soon?”
“Oh no, it’s fine, but it’s really nothing. So what kinds of things do you paint?” Sehun paused, taking a sip of his drink. “Wait, do you paint? Or work in some other medium?”
Luhan laughed. “I mostly paint but I do dabble in other mediums. Working with clay is always good anger management; working the clay with your hands to get out all your frustration is nice and then when you create something beautiful from it, it’s worth it and your anger is all gone, turned into something positive and beautiful.”
“Hmmm, that’s interesting. Never thought of it like that.”
Luhan chuckled. “Many people don’t. I’m unique like that.”
Luhan stuck his tongue out in a playful manner.
Sehun felt his lips lift in a tiny smile. It had been a while since someone had conversed in such an easy manner with him. The last one to do so had died ten years ago. Sehun had stopped trying to make friends but maybe Luhan could be an interesting diversion in this town.
“Well, if we’re gone with our drinks, want to take our groceries home?”
“Sure.” He didn’t even protest when Luhan took some of his bags. It was true he would have a bit of difficulty bringing them home but he was used to it. However, it was nice to accept a helping hand for once.
Luhan gripped the bags tightly and beamed at Sehun. “Alright, lead the way.”
>->o o<-<
Sehun stopped at his apartment door. “Well, thanks for helping me, but I can take it from here.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” Sehun grabbed his bags from Luhan. “Go on home.”
Luhan shuffled his feet.
Sehun looked at him. “What is it?”
“I had a fun coffee date with you and hope we can do it again.” Luhan beamed before currying away to the door right next to his. He quickly opened the door and slipped inside but not before another look and shy wave to Sehun.
Very few things shocked Sehun nowadays but that did.
Sehun stood there, gaping a bit before shaking his head and slipping inside. He placed all his groceries away before grabbing a bottle of alcohol off the shelf (he had quite a collection thanks to his long life), opening it, and downing a third of the contents in one go.
>->o o<-<
Sehun stared out his window, another day in his endless life. Outside, people were going to and fro, doing whatever it was they had planned for the day. He wondered how many of them would die today. He gave a sigh and got up, deciding to wash today.
He set the temperature just a bit too hot and stood under the spray. He let the water run over his body, moving automatically to shampoo his hair and scrub his body. Once he was clean, he stepped out of the tub, wrapping a towel around his waist. At that moment, there was a knock on the door.
Sehun walked to the door and opened it, not bothering to check who it was. Luhan stood there, mouth slightly ajar.
“Luhan? What are you doing here?”
Luhan visibly gulped before flashing a bright smile at Sehun. “Oh I was just wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat. It’s about dinnertime now and well…I thought it would be nice to eat with someone for a change.”
“Oh…um sure. Just let me get dressed. Uh you can wait inside if you want.”
“Thanks.” Luhan gave a hesitant smile as he stepped past Sehun and headed for the lone couch in the living room.
Sehun headed towards his bedroom, throwing his towel aside and grabbing some clothes. He looked at the clock and didn’t realize how late it was. He hadn’t realized he had taken so long in the shower. It was around noon when he had awoken. Since he had nothing to occupy his time, Sehun kept an odd schedule, sleeping and waking whenever he wished and eating at any hour.
He changed, ran a towel through his hair quickly, and came back out to find Luhan perched on his sofa but curiously looking around.
“Find something interesting?” Sehun grinned, seeing Luhan blush.
“Sorry, just the artist in me. I like to observe things and make a note for later in case I need inspiration for a project.” Luhan smiled. “Ready to go?”
“Yep.” Sehun grabbed his keys and wallet and followed Luhan out the door.
>->o o<-<
The two were seated at a table in the back of the restaurant. Luhan smiled as he looked at the menu. “So what have you been doing all day?”
“Uh nothing since I woke up a few hours ago and showered not too soon after.”
A light flush covered Luhan’s cheeks. “Oh uh about that…”
“Oh no, it’s okay. Just a bit surprised since I don’t get many visitors anymore.”
“Why not? Don’t you have any friends?”
“Many of them are too far away now to spend time with and I’m not really good at making new friends so tends to be me alone.”
“Aww, that’s sad. Well I hope you can consider me a new friend. You’re welcome to spend as much time with me as you want.” Luhan beamed. “Now shall we order?”
Sehun slightly nodded his head, giving Luhan the go-ahead.
Dinner was delicious with good conversation. It had been a while since he got along so well with someone.
“Want some dessert or should we head home?”
“Oh, uh…home I guess. I’m sure many other things to be doing than to spend time with me.”
“Oh alright, I guess I should start working. I have a few commissions lined up that I should be working on.” Luhan stood up and held his hand out to Sehun. “Shall we?”
Sehun looked at Luhan’s outstretched hand then his face then back at his hand. He glanced as Luhan’s smiling face. He felt a small tug on his heart and ignored it, pushing Luhan’s hand aside and standing up. He pretended not to see Luhan’s slight frown and walked out of the restaurant, heading home.
>->o o<-<
Sehun sat in his chair by the window, staring out at the city below. He could see all the cars and people busy going from place to place. He sighed and wished it was raining to match his mood.
For the last few weeks, Luhan had been stopping by to see if Sehun wanted to hang out with him or get something to eat. A few times, Sehun went along with him if he was feeling generous and other times, he declined, not wanting to get close even if Luhan made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a while.
Sehun wanted to spend his endless life alone as he couldn’t deal with seeing more friends die as he continued to live. However, it seemed as if Luhan was determined for them to have some kind of relationship. A few times, Sehun was wondering if Luhan had a sexual interest in him but when he looked more closely, any hint of attraction was nonexistent and the light of friendship glowed from Luhan’s eyes.
Sehun sighed, running a hand through his hair. This was so frustrating. He hadn’t had to deal with such emotions for a while. Why did he have to deal with them now? Why was Luhan doing this to him?
A knock sounded on the door, drawing Sehun out of his thoughts. He got up and checked through the peephole. Luhan was standing there, takeout bag in hand. He opened it and leaned on the doorframe. “Yes, Luhan?”
“Hi, I thought we could eat in and watch a movie or something.”
“Oh um…sure.” Sehun stepped aside, allowing Luhan in. “You know for all the times you come over here, you might as well have a key.”
“Could I?”
“What?” Sehun gaped at Luhan.
Luhan laughed. “I’m just joking but it is nice to leave a key with a neighbor sometimes in case of trouble, especially if you live alone. But no worries.”
He headed towards the kitchen setting the bags down. He rooted around Sehun’s cabinets for plates and utensils.
Luhan had two plates full of food as he walked over to the couch where Sehun was already seated.
“Thanks, Luhan. So what did you want to watch?”
“Oh there’s this interesting movie I wanted to watch.” Luhan grabbed the remote and turned to the channel. A sappy romantic comedy was playing. Sehun raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
The two grabbed their plates and dug in.
Sehun smiled, gently rubbing his stomach after filling it so fully. He settled back on his couch and watched the movie. He saw some movement on his side but disregarded it. He froze when he felt a warm body move into his personal space, settling beside him. He turned his head and saw a mop of blonde hair resting on his shoulder.
Sehun said nothing, turning back towards the TV. He felt a hand slide around his arm and a cheek nuzzling his shoulder. “Luhan?”
“Shh…I want to watch the movie.” Luhan flashed a smile at Sehun before turning back to the TV.
Sehun wasn’t sure how to feel about this change. They rarely had any skin-to-skin contact so this was a new development. He took deep steady breaths, trying to not let this affect him but he could smell Luhan’s shampoo.
Luhan turned his head and smiled up at Sehun. “You okay?”
“Um…not yet but soon.” Before he could rethink his action, Sehun leaned down and gently pressed his lips against Luhan. He pulled away a few seconds later, turning to resolutely stare at the TV.
“Sehun?”
Sehun pursed his lips, refusing to turn his head.
“Sehun. Sehun!” Luhan gripped Sehun’s chin and turned his head towards him. Sehun’s eyes widened when Luhan planted his lips on his. He stayed still until Luhan pulled back and frowned. “Open your mouth.”
Sehun did it and Luhan came back, pressing his tongue into Sehun’s mouth. A small moan slipped from Sehun’s mouth as Luhan pressed closer. Luhan shifted on the couch as he moved to sit in Sehun’s lap. Sehun’s arms wrapped around Luhan’s waist as Luhan’s arms wrapped around Sehun’s neck.
Luhan pulled away with a smile, breathing shallow. Sehun deeply inhaled, chest heaving as he looked at Luhan. Their foreheads pressed together as matching smiles crossed their face.
>->o o<-<
Luhan was now a constant presence in Sehun’s life, stopping by in the morning and afternoon for a quick greeting or a meal. At night, he’d come over to cuddle, make out, and eat dinner. They stopped going out to eat ever since Luhan found it more enjoyable to eat off of him or to neck while they eat.
Sehun couldn’t complain. Luhan had brought the light back into his life and while he had resisted in the beginning, it was a good thing for his endless life. But how long it would last, Sehun didn’t want to think about.
>->o o<-<
Sehun was busy heating up some food in the kitchen when Luhan called him from his bedroom. “Yes? What is it, Luhan?”
He froze when he saw Luhan by his desk, a journal in his hand.
Luhan looked up with wide eyes. “What is this, Sehun?”
He flipped through a few pages before closing it.
“Oh it’s uh…nothing.”
Luhan looked at Sehun carefully. “I know you’re lying. You’ve been keeping something from me and I want to know what. Now explain this journal.”
Sehun sighed. “That’s my personal journal I’ve kept since I was young.”
“Yes, but what is the date on the entries?” Luhan flipped to a random page dated twenty years ago. “You look like you’re barely out of high school so why does this journal say you’re older than that?”
“Well truth be told, I’m about one hundred and two years old.”
“What? You can’t be serious.” Luhan looked disbelievingly at Sehun.
Sehun sighed, going to his bed to get comfortable. He sat down, back resting against the headboard. He looked at Luhan who frowning at him. “I was hoping to avoid this but given the nature of our relationship, it was bound to happen. I was just hoping to put it off a bit longer.”
“What is it, Sehun? What do you have to tell me?” Luhan’s frown deepened, his hands coming to rest on his hips.
“Well there’s something a bit different about me.”
“Well yes, I knew that but -“
Sehun held up a hand. “Shh, this is one time you should not interrupt me.”
He gave a gentle smile and took a deep fortifying breath. It was always hard to reveal his secret but somehow the worries multiplied when he had to tell Luhan. It was a sign he was probably in too deep.
Sehun looked Luhan in the eye. “I can’t die.”
Luhan cleared his throat. “What do you mean you can’t die?”
“I mean I can’t die. I’ve tried all methods to kill myself but I wake up the next day, well and healthy.”
Luhan looked at Sehun like he was a bit insane. “You can’t be serious.”
“Well if you don’t believe me, I’ll have to prove it to me. Just promise you don’t freak out or call the cops.”
“What are you -“ Luhan’s eyes widened when Sehun pulled out a knife from his bedside drawer. “What do you think you’re doing, Sehun?”
“Proving to you that I can’t die.”
“No. Please, Sehun, don’t do it.” Luhan hurried over, throwing himself at Sehun. “Please don’t kill yourself. No, please don’t. I can’t…you can’t.”
“Shh…” Sehun pressed a kiss to the top of Luhan’s head. “I’ll be fine. I don’t want to have to tie you up but if you won’t calm down, then I’ll have to.”
Sehun could feel the hot tears against his neck as Luhan kept his face buried in Sehun’s neck, words of protest falling from his mouth. He heaved a sigh, placing the knife on his bedside table. Wrapping his arms around Luhan, he gently cooed until Luhan had calmed down enough.
With a kiss to his forehead, Sehun lifted Luhan and carried him over to his chair. As Luhan dried his eyes, Sehun reached for his rope, tying Luhan’s ankles to the legs of the chair. Taking each arm, Sehun tied a special knot, one that would keep Luhan secured but he could untie himself when he needed.
“S-S-Sehun…what are you doing?”
“Just stay there, please.” Sehun pressed a kiss to Luhan’s lips. “I’m only going to do this once and that’s it. I want you to believe me. That’s the only way this relationship can move forward. I’m sorry for this but I promise it’ll only be once and then after…well…we’ll talk.”
Luhan watched as Sehun came back to his bed, back resting against his headboard. His eyes widened and his body froze as Sehun picked the knife back up and slashed hard and deep across his throat. The blood rushed out of his face as Sehun slumped over.
Luhan pulled at his ties, rubbing his wrists and ankles raw until he found the way to untie them. He released his ankles and hurried to Sehun’s side. He set the knife on the bedside table and gathered Sehun close to him. Hot tears slipped down his face as he cradled Sehun’s head in his lap.
“Sehun, Sehun, Sehun, how could you do this? Sehun…I love you. You can’t be gone like this.” Luhan kept Sehun close to him, not moving, just holding Sehun close.
Sehun woke up to find Luhan’s tear streaked face above his. He smiled gently at the snoozing Luhan and lifted a hand to gently touch his cheek. Luhan’s eyes flashed open and he gasped, clinging Sehun tightly to him.
“Sehun! You’re alive. But how?” Luhan pulled Sehun away from him. He checked Sehun’s neck where there was no sign of a scar. “How is this possible?”
Sehun smiled gently up at Luhan. “I’m not sure but you believe me now, don’t you?”
“Yes, yes I do, but please don’t ever do that again.” Luhan hit Sehun’s chest before leaning down and pressing his lips desperately against Sehun’s.
Sehun allowed Luhan to cling to him, his arms wrapping gently around Luhan’s waist. Luhan settled himself more comfortably on Sehun, climbing on top of him, laying his body over Sehun’s as he kept kissing him.
Sehun pulled away when he heard a grumble. He chuckled as he looked at Luhan’s embarrassed face. “Hungry? Let me treat you.”
He pressed a kiss to Luhan’s lips. “Come on, let’s shower and then we’ll go.”
Sehun led Luhan into his bathroom where they shared warm water and kisses.
>->o o<-<
After revealing his secret to Luhan, nothing seemed to have change with their relationship which Sehun liked. But he still had that one fear in the back of his mind. How long would he be able to be with Luhan?
“Hey, Sehun, what’s the matter?” Luhan looked up at Sehun from his spot next to him on the couch.
“Oh it’s nothing.”
“No…something’s bothering you, I can tell.”
“It’s nothing.” Sehun leaned down, pecking Luhan’s lips.
Luhan frowned but let it passed. “Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow. I wanted to show you this piece I was working on.”
“Oh sure.” Sehun smiled, pulling Luhan closer, head coming down to nuzzle into his neck. “Now let’s enjoy the movie.”
>->o o<-<
Sehun knocked on Luhan’s door.
“Come in.”
Sehun walked in and found Luhan elbow deep in paint, a brightly colored canvas in front of him. “Hey, what are you doing?”
“Oh just releasing some stress. Care to join?” Luhan smiled, hands already holding another bucket of paint.
“Uh I think I’ll pass…and wait in your kitchen until you’re done.” Sehun hurried away, sitting down at the kitchen table, waiting for Luhan.
Luhan came in a few moments later, remnants of paint still on his hands and clothes. “Just give me a moment to wash up and then I’ll show you what I wanted to show you.”
“Alright, did you want something to drink?”
“Sure, that’ll be great.” Luhan smiled.
Sehun returned the smile before turning around to rummage around Luhan’s kitchen.
“Hey Sehun, look at this.”
Sehun turned around, mugs in hand, and froze. In Luhan’s hand was a small canvas but it was the subject that captivated him. “Is that…me?”
Luhan blushed and nodded. “I want you to see how I saw you, the light in my life. I hate how you’re so worried about something and I want you to know I’m here for you. I guess you didn’t hear me that night but I love you.”
Sehun could feel himself cracking. He set the mugs aside and walked over to Luhan. He grabbed the canvas, setting it aside, and gathered Luhan into his arms, his head burying into Luhan’s neck. “I love it and I love you.”
He felt Luhan smile, his hands coming up to wrap tightly around Sehun.
>->o o<-<
“Sehun…can I talk to you?”
Sehun nodded, not used to the serious tone of Luhan’s voice. He set down his book and followed Luhan to the couch. He sat down but Luhan took the seat across from him in a separate chair. “Luhan?”
“Sehun, we’ve been together for a while now. We know just about everything about each other but there’s still something you’re keeping from me. What is it?” Luhan stared hard at Sehun.
Sehun wanted to look away but he couldn’t. That would be disrespectful and it was about time he really opened up, no matter how hurt he got later. He heaved a heavy sigh. “You know I love you and I trust you but I can’t help but worry about what will happen in the future. If we do stay together, it’s only a matter of time before you die and I’m left alone again.”
Luhan saw Sehun’s hands clenching and unclenching. “I don’t want you to be afraid of the future. You need to enjoy life, all the good and bad. I want you to enjoy our time together and not regret. When it does end, I want you to be able to look back on it with warm memories. Don’t be afraid of life. You’ve been given a gift to see the world and all its changes. You should be happy with what you have. Even if there’s no end for your life, still enjoy each day. Don’t just waste it. Many people don’t get this chance.”
“Let’s see if you say the same thing after experiencing what I experienced.” Sehun’s mouth formed a pout, something Luhan found endearingly cute.
Luhan chuckled as he moved from his seat onto Sehun’s lap. He gently cupped Sehun’s cheeks. “Sehun…”
“What?” Sehun’s pout deepened.
“You’re so cute.” Luhan laughed at the shocked expression on Sehun’s face. “I’m going to make sure you enjoy life and our time together. No regrets.”
Sehun smiled softly at Luhan. “No regrets.”
>->o o<-<
Since his declaration, Luhan went out of his way to make every day together special. He planned different activities for them to do, making fun memories for the two of them.
Sehun enjoyed every day but he still couldn’t shake that one worry of his.
Luhan could see it plaguing Sehun’s mind no matter how happy he looked. It was time for Luhan to do some serious thinking.
>->o o<-<
Luhan smiled at Sehun from across the dinner table. “You know…I’ve been thinking…”
“Oh about what?” Sehun smiled as he took a bite of his dinner.
“What if we die together?”
“What?” Sehun’s spoon clattered to the table.
Luhan looked Sehun in the eye. “What if we die together? Maybe that will end your curse. A double love suicide.”
“Luhan…you don’t know what you’re saying. You’re still young and have your life ahead of you. Why would you choose to die now?”
“Because I want to die with the man I love. If we can die together, maybe it’ll end your suffering and we can be truly happy together.”
“But we’re happy now. Why would you want to die? Luhan…you’re not thinking this through.”
“Oh I have and what difference does it make if I die now or later? You’re worried about me dying anyway. At least this way we both know when it happens and should you wake up the next day, it’ll at least ease your pain a bit.” Luhan gave a small smile. “I love you, Sehun, and it hurts me seeing you so worried every day. It’s worth a try, isn’t it?”
Sehun sat in silence for a bit, pondering over Luhan’s words. He pushed himself away from the table, getting up and walking around to Luhan. He grabbed Luhan’s hand, pulling him from the table to the bedroom. He pulled Luhan to the bed where he cupped Luhan’s cheeks and gently pressed kisses all over his face.
Sehun’s lips wandered down Luhan’s neck. His hands slipped beneath Luhan’s shirt to feel the soft smooth skin.
Luhan clung to Sehun, tilting his head to give Sehun further access. “Sehun…”
Sehun stopped, looking down at Luhan’s flushed face. He continued pressing kisses all over Luhan’s face. He reached for Luhan’s shirt, pulling it off. His lips moved down Luhan’s body as his hands made quick work of Luhan’s pants and boxers.
Luhan moaned, hands resting on Sehun’s shoulders as Sehun kissed every inch of Luhan’s body. “Sehun…please…”
Sehun came back up, picking Luhan up and gently laying him down on the bed. He watched Luhan as he took of his clothes. When he was completely naked, he came back onto the bed, laying on top of Luhan.
Luhan spread his legs, allowing Sehun space, and wrapped his arms around Sehun’s neck. “Sehun…”
Sehun leaned down, pressing his lips against Luhan’s. His hands wandered over Luhan’s body, touching it lightly, tracing every single part of it.
“Sehun…” Luhan moved his body, pressing it flush against Sehun’s.
Sehun said nothing, just trailed his mouth down Luhan’s body, going over all the places he had touched.
Luhan writhed beneath him, hands fisting into the sheets as Sehun made sweet gentle love to him.
As the two lay on the bed, spent and content, Sehun turned to look at Luhan. “Alright, we’ll do it.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I trust you and love you. If there’s a chance for me to break this endless cycle, I’ll do it as long as it’s with you.”
“Sehun…” Luhan’s eyes watered as he clung to Sehun. “I love you so much. I just want us both to be happy.”
“I want that too.” Sehun smiled gently as he pressed a kiss to Luhan’s forehead. “Now sleep. We’ll discuss details in the morning.”
>->o o<-<
Everything was all set. The living room was set with candles and flowers. The two knives they would use was set in the middle of the bed they would lay on.
Luhan smiled softly at Sehun, cupping his cheek. “I have something for you, should you wake up the next day. I left it for you on your desk.”
Sehun said nothing, taking Luhan’s hands and pressing a kiss to each. He pressed a kiss to Luhan’s forehead, his nose, each cheek, and finally his lips. “I love you so much, more than you could ever know.”
“I love you too.” Luhan gave a gentle smile, returning the kisses.
The two lay down on the bed, on their sides, looking at each other. Their hands found each other, gripping tightly, as their other hand each grabbed a knife.
Looking straight into each other’s eyes, they both plunged the knife into their heart.
Sehun’s eyes opened. His bedroom ceiling greeted him, stark white. He slowly got up and rubbed the ache in his heart. With careful steps, he walked over to Luhan’s apartment. Using the key he was given, he opened the door and found Luhan where he was last night.
Silent tears flowed as he silently shut the door again, locking it tightly. He trudged back to his apartment, shutting the door behind him and slumped on his couch, head in his hands, letting the tears flow.
When the tears had subsided, Sehun headed back to his bedroom, heading to his desk where a large box sat.
Slowly lifting the lid, the tears filled his eyes again when he saw the contents. There were small cards, photos and artwork from Luhan; most of the subjects were him, Luhan, or the two of them. He could make out an image, one titled “Our future”, where it showed the two of them living happily and in love. There was a large book beneath, what looked to be a scrapbook, and a letter resting on top. Sehun picked up the letter and opened it.
Sehun my love,
If you’re reading this, then you know you can still live and I have died. I’m sorry to have done this to you, leaving you alone again, but I wanted to stop your suffering somehow. I thought a true love double suicide may work but I guess it didn’t. But please don’t mourn me for long, a year at most.
I want you to move on and enjoy life like I said. With your many years of living, you could do such great things. They can be tiny things but you have the power to change the world. You’ve seen it go through so many changes I’m sure by now you know what’s best for the world than the ones running it. This is not a suggestion to run for office. I know you wouldn’t like that at all plus they may think you’re a bit too young with your looks.
But please do something worthwhile with your life. I know you can. Don’t just waste it away when you’re given the chance to experience everything there is to offer. You can travel to new places, you can experience all the new sports, cars, technology, everything the world has to offer. So go out and enjoy. Be the man you were back when you were eighteen all those years ago, back before you found out about your endless life.
Yes, I read your journal but that’s only because it was so interesting and I wanted to know more about you. But please Sehun, go on and enjoy. You weren’t meant to be kept in a box and that’s what you were doing before I came into your life.
I know this is kind of late but I’d been watching you ever since you moved in a year ago. You attracted me and fascinated me in ways no one ever had and I’m so glad I finally decided to make the first move as you certainly wouldn’t. You’ve given me the best times of my life and I hope you look back on our time with a warm heart.
In case you forget or just want to remember, I made you a scrapbook of all our time together, from the very beginning when you first moved in until the very end.
Just know that I love you and I’ll always be with you.
Yours forever,
Luhan ♥
Sehun brushed the tears streaming down his face. He carefully picked up the scrapbook and flipped through it. He saw all the pictures taken during their many little adventures and even saw pictures he hadn’t realized Luhan had taken, the day when Sehun had first moved in, their first coffee date, and many others. Carefully taking everything out, Sehun set them up around the room before lying down in his bed.
As much as it pained him, Sehun would do his best to continue living and enjoying his life, in honor of Luhan and their love. It was the least he could do and maybe somewhere along the way, he’ll find a way to get back to Luhan so they could be together forever like they had wanted.
Sehun fell asleep, a single tear falling down his face. It may have been his imagination but he thought he felt a gentle hand like Luhan’s wipe it away. “I miss you so much, Luhan. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Luhan whispered as he watched Sehun from above. He gently caressed Sehun’s cheek, hoping he could feel the warmth, love, and comfort.
Sehun’s lips stretched into a small contented smile as silent tears continued to stream down his face.