We Might Not Make It Tonight (Alone)
❇ Title: We Might Not Make It Tonight (Alone) for immabeabrownie
❇ Pairing: Kris/Suho, past!Kris/Victoria
❇ Rating: PG-13
❇ Length: 9,500
❇ Warnings: minor character death, mention of bullying, slight angst
❇ Author note: Dear immabeabrownie, thank you for the prompts! This one especially intrigued me. I hope this fits your expectation as I enjoyed writing it! I'm sorry this is so rushed, though. ;; Also, thanks a lot to R-nim whom I bugged a lot these days for emergency beta works. I love you♥
❇ Summary: Joonmyun didn't think it was real, but Kris insisted him to. (Criminal Minds!AU. Loosely based on 9x07, may contain spoilers)
“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.”
― Frank Clark
Kris Wu strode along the corridor with hurried steps and one thing in mind: a cup of coffee. His conversation with Victoria over the phone this morning wasn’t exactly pleasing. It took them a lot of shouts and too much of hot heads in only twenty minutes three and a half second. Kris had regretted the call immediately.
He loved her, really. Victoria had been great. She was even greater than any girls he dated in the past. Their relationship started out smooth and got bumpy in the middle, because Victoria thought he hadn’t spared much time for her, and apparently forgetting to buy her a bouquet of roses on their anniversary day meant the end of the world.
Kris just didn’t understand logic, especially when it was girls’ logic.
His own logic was telling him to immediately head to the pantry to make a cup of coffee. The thick black liquid should at least slap some senses into him. Minseok definitely wouldn’t want him on the field with his mind too occupied with something else.
One cup of black coffee, no milk, no sugar should do it.
Kris hoped he wouldn’t meet anyone he knew as his steps became faster. It would be difficult to explain this hard look he was having on his face, especially when it would be easily noticed by his teammates. Lu Han would be the first to know, no doubts. He was not Minseok’s right hand for nothing. The blonde had the most brilliant pair of eyes among the team, and even the FBI. What was even worse that the pantry was usually made Lu Han’s lair in the morning.
When Kris entered the pantry and saw a figure sitting on one of chairs with his elbow perched on the round wooden table, he automatically created one hundred and five of excuses he would say. But they immediately dissipated once he realized that it was not Lu Han, but Joonmyun.
The other man’s usual straight black hair was curlier and messier than usual. The glasses perched loosely on his nose bridge. Kris trailed his eyes further and saw how his right cuff was unbuttoned. His hands were busy pouring sugar into his own cup of coffee.
Kris couldn’t help but getting curious.
“Easy there, Joonmyun. Try to put more coffee into your sugar,” he said as he made his way to the cabinet where they kept the coffee. He took a paper cup from the dispenser and started to make his own coffee.
There was a pause, and Kris thought Joonmyun wasn’t going to answer. But he never really knew about the other man. “I need something to wake me up,” Joonmyun said softly.
Kris frowned. “You do realize that it was the coffee that keeps you up, not the sugar, right?”
“It’s actually the caffeine that helps pumping my heart so I’m more alert about my surrounding, therefore creating an effect where I feel awake instead of sleepy.”
“Ouch,” Kris accidentally poured milk into his coffee, the usual amount instead of clinging onto the zero milk, zero sugar principle he held for today. “Well, late night?”
“Very.”
Kris turned around and stared at Joonmyun directly. The smaller man was now facing him, and he could see how shades of red decorated around his eyes. Even an amateur would know how badly he needs sleep. “Oh my!” he gasped, eyebrows raised up in surprise.
“Not that kind of late night, of course,” Joonmyun rolled his eyes. He turned back to his cup of sugar with coffee, and Kris returned to stir his own.
Grinning, he brought his cup to the round table and took the seat across Joonmyun’s. “I’m sure,” he said. He took an experimental sip on his coffee and immediately felt blessed for whoever that was invented coffee.
“How was Vic?”
Kris lifted up his head from his steaming cup. Joonmyun was meeting his eyes calmly-at least his posture was, but his eyes contained storm. Kris had no idea how he managed to do so.
“Not good,” he said honestly. He couldn’t lie; not under Joonmyun’s pair of black orbs eyes.
Joonmyun flickered his eyes down. His long black eyelashes went stark against his pale complexion, Kris noticed. “That explains the coffee,” he murmured.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Joonmyun played with the spoon in his cup. “It’s just… you know. Less milk?” He looked up at Kris with expectation, but the older man couldn’t quite catch what he meant.
Kris raised an eyebrow cluelessly. He almost felt sorry for his teammate. Joonmyun sighed, pushing back his glasses with his index finger in habit. “Nevermind,” he said, shaking his head.
The door opened before Kris could open his mouth to press Joonmyun further. A long-haired woman entered briskly, newspaper in her hand.
“Joonmyun, about this morning’s seven across-“ She stopped in her tracks. Her widened eyes were trained at Kris like she didn’t expect him here at all. “Morning, Kris. I didn’t know Joonmyun had a company.”
“Krystal,” Kris smiled. He lifted up his paper cup to greet the woman. “I didn’t know that he wasn’t supposed to have a company either”
Joonmyun said nothing. His pursed up lips were enough sign to tell that he was obviously in discomfort. He reached out his hand and took the newspaper in Krystal’s hand swiftly. “What’s the clue?” He asked as he fixed his glasses with his index finger; a habit signaling that he was entering the serious mode.
Krystal turned to him. “Don’t laugh at me, but it’s a six words ‘Walks leisurely’ and it’s not ‘stroll.’”
Joonmyun looked at the crossword intently. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration, a tongue peeked out at the corner of his lips. Kris knew this. It was an antic the younger had always had when he was thrilled in solving something, not that Kris paid attention that much. Being in FBI made him noticed one or two things a little bit more detailed.
Kris didn’t realize he was staring at Joonmyun until Krystal coughed.
“Sorry, I didn’t have much sleep lately,” she said, clearing her throat.
But Kris knew it was a lie. She was never honest with her eyes kept stealing a glance at him. It was a curious glance, one that she always threw at suspects in the interview room. Kris was not a suspect. He narrowed his eyes at her, and she quickly hid away.
“Ambles,” Joonmyun announced suddenly, obviously not even slightly disturbed by the small noises she just made. A smug smile crept up his face, and he looked nothing like the depressed-looking Joonmyun Kris just witnessed this morning. “Of course it has to be that one.” He cheerfully scribbled down the letters on the newspaper.
“You’re brilliant,” Krystal gushed. She touched Joonmyun’s shoulder lightly when he handed her the newspaper.
Joonmyun smiled at her. “It was in the family.” He reached out for his cup and took another sip.
Kris chuckled from across the table. “You guys and your obsession towards crosswords.”
“It’s one of the things that keeps me sane,” Joonmyun shrugged. It managed to put off Krystal’s hand off his shoulder, and Kris tried so hard not to let a grin out for noticing that. “My mother said that it was some kind of… therapy.”
“You don’t need therapy, Joonmyun.” Krystal frowned. “You have to stop thinking that-“
“Not here, ‘Stal.” His voice was stern, not something that the office got to hear everyday. Kris admired how the other man could manage such an authority aura around him when he was not even the team’s leader. He would never expect that from someone who used to spend his early years of work behind the table instead of having action on the field.
She pursed up her lips. The newspaper was gripped tightly in her hand. She glanced accusingly at Kris, whose ears perked up excitedly at their conversation. She threw him a dirty look before looking back to Joonmyun. “I was just saying that you’re worth it.”
“Thanks,” Joonmyun said a little too quickly. He looked up to flash up a grin at Krystal. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but Kris could see the frowns on the woman’s forehead went even deeper.
He opened up his mouth to comment, but the sudden loud ring of his phone blasted around the room. Kris sighed. He fished out his phone out of his pocket to see Lu Han’s name flashing on the screen.
“Didn’t know you’ll be the polyphonic type,” Joonmyun commented innocently. That earned him a glare from Kris.
“It’s Lu Han,” he said nonetheless, before he slid his finger on the screen. It got him the attention from both of them. “Yes?” He talked immediately into the phone. Joonmyun shifted in his seat nervously, eyes training at him like he was expecting something. Krystal had the same look in her eyes. The two of them are waiting, for whatever Kris will tell them.
“Yes. I get it. We’ll be there soon, Lu.” Kris ended the call. He pocketed back his phone with two pair of eyes trailing after his every movement. It used to be unnerving, to be watched like this. But Kris had outgrown that nervousness a long time ago. He looked up with a challenge in his eyes instead. “A murder case is up again. Lu Han wants to meet in fifteen minutes.”
Krystal clicked her tongue. “Well, we don’t have any reason to be late, do we?”
--
“Three victims, all male, wallets stolen.” Chanyeol explained the photos on his iPad. The technical analyst slid his fingers over the screen to browse all the pictures. They were all about men with eyes and mouth wide open. Kris leaned closer to get a better look.
Chanyeol stretched two of his fingers to zoom in a victim’s neck. It showed dark marks; purple-ish blotches forming a line that circled around the neck.
“The unsub choked all the victims to death. He strikes at night, targeting the deserted alleys with no witnesses around.” Minseok, the team leader, explained the bruises. “The odd thing about the victims is they were all lower to middle class economically. Their wallets might not have that much cash.”
“There have been no charge attempts for their credit cards either,” Chanyeol piped in.
“So it might be not about money,” Krystal frowned. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest.
The short haired girl next to her joined in, “It might be an act to confuse the forensic countermeasure. Taking their wallets would delay the victims identification.”
“Amber was right,” Minseok said. “That could fit with the first two victims. But the last victim was on phone with his roommate when the unsub attacked him. It was actually his roommate who later called the police.”
“It’s weird. He was desperate enough to wait a long time in dark places but couldn’t wait for the phone call to finish.” Joonmyun said. “It’s like he has no other choices.”
Kris nodded his head in agreement. “So he’s mission-oriented. He doesn’t want to kill them, he has to.”
“That suggests that the unsub has no personal connection to the victims,” Lu Han said. “Except choking to death is a very personal method.”
“Perhaps him taking the wallets is some kind of depersonalization. He wanted to take away the identities of the victims.”
“Which means he may feel that his own identity was taken away. He could collect the wallets as trophies of identities he has stolen. He might be seeking recognition for his works.” Joonmyun said.
“And he might not stop until he gets the recognition,” Minseok sighed. He leaned in his chair. “We’ll fly to Boston for this case tomorrow morning. Please prepare yourselves.”
--
It took awhile before Kris finally remembered where he put the lighter. He had long forgotten the lighter since he quitted smoking two years ago at the demand of the team’s chief, Minseok. He tested the fire out, and once he was satisfied, he put it on the dining table.
The ringing of his phone distracted him. He had to saunter all the way to his bedroom to locate his vibrating phone on the bed. It was Victoria; he took no hesitation to pick up the call.
“Hi?”
“Hey Kris, uh, can we postpone today’s date?” Her voice came rushed from the other end of the line. Kris could make some distant chatter in the background. “Boss gave me an extra work, if I don’t take it now I’ll lose my career forever.” Victoria’s determined mind about her career was what made Kris fell for her in the first place.
“I… I actually only have today. We’ll be flying off tomorrow morning to Boston.”
Victoria went silent. Kris counted to seven before he heard her spoke so softly that he barely caught what she said. “It’s not working out anymore, isn’t it?” She asked, and Kris wanted to tell her that no, they were working together just wonderful, but that would be a lie. He was also starting to get tired of the relationship.
“I wish it is,” he replied instead.
He heard Victoria chuckled. It was ironic. Normally he would feel sad and confused, but instead he was relieved.
Kris hung up the phone with a long sigh. He stole a glance at his table set for two. The Chicken Fried Steak and Fettuccini Carbonara he prepared especially for tonight were still there along with the candles. Victoria had canceled their date again. It was not the first time for her to do so. She was busy woman, even busier than him sometimes. He should have not expected anything for today’s date.
Dinner was the last thing he could do, but he still offered to make one for them anyway. It was supposed to be an apology for rarely being there for her. If only people decide to become good sometimes, you’ll be doing less work, she had said over the phone. Kris chuckled, there would be no such thing, he said. She laughed, and she pointed out how with both of them working their asses off, date was only a ridiculous concept. He agreed. He didn’t complain when she said she wanted to break up. Perhaps they were just not working anymore. Kris didn’t mind. He still pitied the food he had cooked tonight, though.
He decided to finally move on from his brief mourning of losing a partner. He was just moving to put the wine glasses away when the doorbell rang. Kris frowned. He wasn’t expecting anyone else. Unless it was Victoria wanting to give him a surprise with her sudden presence. But they broke up already, and it wasn’t her style to surprise him.
Kris was surprised to see Joonmyun through the peephole.
“Joonmyun,” he said easily when he opened the door, no hint of surprise in his voice. “Just in time for dinner. Come in.” He stepped aside to allow the shorter man walked in.
Joonmyun nervously sauntered into the apartment. He had both his hands shoved into his jeans’ pocket. Kris stared at him as he examined the living room. Joonmyun looked… fragile. The borders of his shoulders were shaking, and it didn’t even take Kris’ specialty to observe to see that. From the way the younger man kept fidgeting on his toes, Kris knew that he was far from alright.
“Would wine be okay? Or do you want something else?” Kris asked as he stepped into the kitchen, Joonmyun following close behind him.
“I didn’t know you were expecting someone,” Joonmyun mumbled. Kris barely caught that if he didn’t lean in for a better hearing. The younger man was still staring at the dining table, the reflection of the candle was dancing in his eyes.
Kris shrugged. “I was, but I wasn’t. You came anyway, so I don’t have to waste the food.” He walked towards a chair and pulled it up so Joonmyun could sit. “Unless you have eaten already, of course, then I’m doomed.”
“Oh,” Joonmyun looked quite surprised by the gesture. “I was-I mean,” there was a pretty blush blossoming on his cheekbones. “I actually came to talk.”
“Talk?” Kris raised an eyebrow. It was not usual for them to talk anyway, not outside work. Joonmyun tend to close himself off, only having a few people to know what he was really thinking. Even in the group, Kris couldn’t read him the most. Joonmyun was an enigma, a puzzle Kris had yet to resolve.
It was not really a problem for Kris. Joonmyun was always the one to act professional, so working with him was easy. He had been helpful, too, with his genius brain and brilliant analysis. And it wasn’t like Kris had a pretty close friendship with all the other teammates anyway. Lu Han was a man he respected, certainly he would do no such thing as flirting openly as he did with Amber. But he understood Lu Han, somehow. With Joonmyun, it was zero.
“Well, talks are easier when they’re over wine, I heard.”
“I didn’t say I would not take the food,” Joonmyun blunted.
Kris raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Okay.” He scratched his not itchy nose. “Then perhaps you would want to sit down?” He tapped the chair he was gripping.
“Oh. Right. I’m sorry,” Joonmyun blinked. He quickly made his way to sit down on the chair offered by the taller man.
“Easy, Joonmyun. I’m not going to poison you,” Kris said. He gave the other man a quick grin once both of them were settled down.
Joonmyun laughed, the sound was crisp and smooth. Kris was surprised to hear that. Joonmyun was rarely the type to laugh, and their job was hardly something to trigger laughter in the office. Perhaps once or twice when Jongdae read off his cheap daily jokes texts, but Kris never noticed Joonmyun laughed before. He smiled, yes; he grinned, yes; but to laugh so freely, Kris was even surprised at the sound of it.
Dinner went quite well. They talked small things over the chicken and the pasta, like how Joonmyun’s mother used to have him eating exactly the same food on his birthdays, or how Kris used to wanting to be a pilot but his parents sent him off to the police academy instead. They were not topics they haven’t touched before.
Kris patiently waited for Joonmyun. He knew he shouldn’t press him for the topic. It was out of place enough that Joonmyun went to his place to talk, so Kris wouldn’t want to waste the chance. He strongly believed that Joonmyun would talk eventually. He was a man of his words. They have worked together in the unit for, how long?-two years, and even though they haven’t been the closest pair in the group, they have been around each other enough to have a deep understanding.
Kris waited. He was refilling both of their glasses of wine for the third time when Joonmyun suddenly choked out a laugh. Kris raised an eyebrow, pausing on the bottle to look at Joonmyun. The younger had his fingers covering his mouth, his eyes are teary.
“What’s wrong? Did I somehow poison you with the food?”
Joonmyun shook his head. He kept snickering. “Nothing. I just-“ he waved his hand. Kris made sure he really was okay before he continued to pour the wine into his glass. “Oh my God,” Joonmyun breathed out.
Kris put back the bottle, staring at Joonmyun suspiciously. Apparently he had not been around the younger enough to decipher what was the meaning behind his behavior. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do I need to call someone?”
“No,” Joonmyun sternly said, once he was sobered back from his laughter. “This is supposed to be something between us. They couldn’t know.” Joonmyun hiccupped. Kris sighed, standing up to fetch him a glass of water. He didn’t know Joonmyun was a bad drinker. The younger seemed to handle it well every time the team went to bar. “I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this,” he said, like Kris had just broadcasted his thoughts out loud.
Kris just smiled. He handed over the water to Joonmyun, who gladly received it and downed it in a few gulps. “It’s okay. Just enjoy yourself around here, I guess.” Kris shrugs.
“I’m not drunk,,” Joonmyun said.
“Okay,” Kris chuckled.
“Totally sober.”
“I can see that.” Kris decided that it would be wise for him to take his own wine.
Joonmyun smiled, “I’m having dinner in your place, with lit up candles as giving off romantic vibes.”
“I was expecting someone, but they didn’t turn up. You knocked on my door, and I invited you in.”
“Victoria?”
Kris nodded. “It doesn’t matter now. We broke up.”
Joonmyun looked genuinely surprised at him. The fork that was holding a cut piece of meat was held mid-air. “Just now?”
“Yes. And it’s not like we don’t see it coming. Tell you what, I don’t feel sad even the slightest,” Kris said. “The only thing I was sad about was the leftover food, but you came. So it’s good.”
“It’s okay. I like it.” Joonmyun said. He was careful not to touch the sensitive topic again. “The food is good. You’re a good cook.”
“Thank you,” Kris smiled back. He was taken aback by the compliment, but he didn’t show it. “Come on, help me clean up.” Kris stood up.
Joonmyun lifted his head. He gave a small smile that reassured Kris enough that he was okay. “Sure, let me help.”
Kris trusted Joonmyun with the dishes while he cleaned up the table. It was easier this way; Joonmyun didn’t know his kitchen arrangement anyway. They talked briefly about Chanyeol’s new technology in the lab and how lucky the team was to have Chanyeol at the station, because Kris would suck up big time instead of helping. He was no expert at computers and such, and Joonmyun was not in the position where he could laugh about that. While Joonmyun was smart, much smarter than any man Kris had ever known, he was more of dusty books person than an iBook person.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” Kris asked, instead of asking him when was he going to start talking, when Joonmyun was drying his hands off. He looked up distractedly and blinked. “Star Wars?” He asked again, because he knew how much of a fan Joonmyun was.
“Yeah,” Joonmyun answered shortly.
Kris put Star Wars: Episode III into the dvd player while Joonmyun settled down in the couch. The younger was focused on the monitor as soon as the movie started. Kris had to smile at how Joonmyun was automatically curled up into a ball, with his chin up on his knee to get comfortable. He walked over to the kitchen to grab some beers and snacks.
“You’re trying to get me drunk so I would start talking, aren’t you?” Joonmyun asked when Kris handed him a can of beer, his eyes were still sticking to the monitor.
“Oops,” Kris grinned. He flopped down to sit next to Joonmyun. He made sure their shoulders and thighs were touching; the warmth of other people had always succeeding in calming him off. He hoped it would work the same magic on Joonmyun. “Am I too obvious?” he teased.
Joonmyun sighed. He opened up the can and took a large gulp. “Just wait until the movie is finished, okay?” He put down the can on the small wooden table Kris had from his parents as housewarming gift.
“Anytime,” Kris said, opening his own can. He leaned back on the couch, settling into a comfortable position next to Joonmyun. The other man didn’t brush him off, so Kris took it that he didn’t mind the contact.
Joonmyun uncurled up himself as the credits rolled. Kris got up to get the dvd out of its player and put it back in the rack. He walked back to the couch and stared and Joonmyun, who was still staring at the now black screen.
“I’m still not drunk,” Joonmyun murmured. He hesitantly looked up at Kris.
Kris shrugged, “I don’t care. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, too.” He paused, considering his words. “I just want you to enjoy the night. You look like you deserve some rest.” He said it earnestly, hoping Joonmyun would understand his concern.
Joonmyun gave him a hesitant smile. “I enjoy it. Thank you.”
“No problem,” Kris flashed off a grin before he sat back next to Joonmyun. He grabbed a new beer can and opened it up. He needed to loose himself up as well.
“Did you know why my father left?” Joonmyun started. His voice was soft, Kris was sure he wouldn’t catch it if they were put at a further distance.
“Was it your mom?” He asked. It was a common knowledge in the group that Joonmyun’s mother had paranoid schizophrenia. But he had never told them any more information about it.
Joonmyun nodded. “I was a victim of bullying back in school. The guys had me stripped off, and tied to the goalpost.” Kris’ breath hitched at this. This was a new piece of information that Joonmyun never gave to him. Joonmyun had never opened up to him before, not like this. “But that wasn’t even the worst part, I grew out of it already. When I was finally released, it was already by the night. They didn’t return my clothes except for my boxers. It was cold, and I walked home in nothing but a pair of boxers. I wanted to cry, but I held it back. I didn’t want my mother to worry, you know. The last thing I want for her is to worry about me.” Kris nodded, urging him to continue. “When I arrived home, I found that the door wasn’t locked. I walked to the living room and found my mother there. She was surprised to see me.” Joonmyun smiled bitterly. “She didn’t even realize that I wasn’t home at the time I was supposed to be because she was having her episode.”
“I may be young. All I did was reading. I had this huge rack with books in my room. She used to read me some, too. I rarely socialize; it’s something that has always been my weakness since I was a kid. But I know that there was something wrong with her. I wasn’t stupid. I was just really, really sad. I thought I could live like the other kids, but they kept making fun of me.” Joonmyun didn’t cry, but he looked like he might as well would. Kris’ heart ached at the view. There was a hollow in his heart just watching the younger man on the verge of breaking. He wanted to pull Joonmyun in his arms and soothe him down, assure him that the world is okay and he didn’t need to worry anymore.
So he did.
Joonmyun was stiff in his arms at first, Kris thought that perhaps he was a step too far than Joonmyun would like him to. But he started to pat the younger’s hair and whispered calming words and Joonmyun started to relax. His ragged breathing was evened out, and he wasn’t shaking as much either. So perhaps it was okay, too.
“You should stay here for the night,” Kris said, because he didn’t want to have bad thoughts when Joonmyun was out of his reach. “You shouldn’t be alone, not like this.” Joonmyun’s form stiffened up and Kris momentarily panics. He knew it was a bad idea. The younger man could reject it anytime. But Kris knew how to feel broken and lonely, and he wanted to fix at least the lonely part for Joonmyun. “Come on, there is no way I would let you wander home alone this late,” he offered softer.
“Okay,” Joonmyun agreed weakly.
Kris smiled at that. “You can take my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
Joonmyun pulled back from his embrace, frowning. Kris had to let him go reluctantly. “But this is your house.”
He shakes his head, “You need it more. I don’t mind, anyway.”
More coaxing made them ended up with Kris lending Joonmyun his spare toothbrush and shirt that was a size too small for him but a size too big for Joonmyun. It was better than nothing, Kris thought. He tucked Joonmyun to bed, covered the younger with his blanket because the night was chilly and put out the light in his room so it would be more comfortable to sleep. He took spare beddings for him to use in the living room.
“Just yell if you need anything, okay?” Kris asked before he closed up the door. Joonmyun just nodded. He didn’t find any strength to talk more. “Good night, Joonmyun.” Kris said softly.
He walked towards the couch and made himself comfortable there. Even in the silence of the night, he could barely hear Joonmyun’s breathing from his room. But he knew that the younger was sleeping soundly there, so it was okay. Kris closed his eyes, trying to get himself some sleep.
It didn’t feel like hours yet when Kris woke up from noises from his room. He glanced at the illuminating digital clock on his dvd player; it was still three in the morning. He quickly got up and rushed himself to his room. He turned on the light and saw Joonmyun tossing and turning with sweats covering almost all of his skin. He was having a pretty bad nightmare. Kris immediately went to his side and tried to wake him up.
“Joonmyun,” he gently shook the younger’s shoulder. It pained him to see him like this, but he also didn’t want to surprise him. “Joonmyun, wake up. It’s me.”
Joonmyun’s eyes shot open. He looked around frantically, breath ragging like he was just running miles. “Oh, God,” he mumbled. He covered his eyes with an arm, trying to calm himself down.
Kris took Joonmyun’s hand in his, squeezing it gently. Joonmyun’s palm was cold and sweaty, but he still squeezed back. “I’m here. It’s okay.” Kris said, his thumb caressing Joonmyun’s hand to soothe him down.
“I’m sorry.” Joonmyun’s whisper was broken. The sound broke Kris’ heart in so many ways possible. He didn’t have it in his heart to see the younger so fragile; so vulnerable.
“Don’t be,” Kris answered softly. He patted Joonmyun’s arm lightly. “Let me get you some water.” He got up, releasing his grip on Joonmyun’s hand. If he didn’t know better, he would think that Joonmyun’s face faltered from the loss of contact. “Wait here.”
Kris was back with a glass of warm water, because he thought it was better for calming than the cold one. He helped Joonmyun drinking it in three big gulps and put the glass on the table when he was finished.
“Are you feeling better?” Kris asked. He kept his hands on his lap, trying to restrain the urge to touch Joonmyun. While physical touch would comfort him, he didn’t know what it would do to Joonmyun. He didn’t want to go overboard with him.
“Yes,” Joonmyun answered shortly before he looked up and met Kris’ eyes. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” Kris smiled. “Do you think you could get some more sleep? We will have to fly to Boston later and you need to have decent amount of sleep at least.”
Joonmyun nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Okay.” Kris forced out something that he’d like to think as a reassuring smile. “I’ll turn off the light again.”
“Don’t leave-“ Joonmyun reached out, curling his fingers around Kris’ wrist tightly. “Stay. Please.”
Kris didn’t ask. “Okay. Just-let me turn the light off.”
Joonmyun relaxed. He sunk deeper into the pillow. Kris could feel his eyes trained on him when he walked across the room to reach the switch. Once it was dark, Kris joined him in the bed. Joonmyun had scooted over to the edge to leave a wide space for him.
Kris settled on his back, thinking it would be awkward if he was facing Joonmyun. They had slept in a room together before when they had to fly all the way to Nevada, but it was not on the same bed. Like this, he could feel Joonmyun’s body heat radiating. His presence was really comforting.
“I heard it is genetically passable,” Joonmyun said softly when Kris already had his eyes closed. He thought Joonmyun was asleep already; he was so quiet. “Sometimes I have to ask myself: am I really being here?”
Kris rolled a bit so he was lying on his side, facing Joonmyun. He put his hand on the younger’s shoulder to assure him; remind him of his existence.
“Sometimes I wonder if I would eventually turn myself to be like her.”
“You won’t. You’re here, arent’ you?” Kris said softly.
“I don’t know.” Joonmyun turned his head to look at Kris. He bit his lower lip, looking unsure and confused. “Am I?”
“You are, Joonmyun. You’re very real right now.”
Joonmyun’s skin was warm under his touch. He was suddenly very aware of the closeness they share between them. The sound of Joonmyun’s heartbeat was loud, he realized. He just needed to tune out other sounds to listen. The younger’s heartbeat was soothing; he could find himself relaxing to the tune of it.
His hand was close, too. Just one swift movement and he could feel Joonmyun’s heartbeat under his hand. He wanted to. He shifted his palm and put it right above the younger’s heart. Joonmyun’s breath hitched. Kris loved the feeling of his heart pounding faster under his touch.
“Kris?”
“Hmm?” Kris hummed distractedly.
“Is this real?”
“Yeah. Pretty much, yeah.”
Joonmyun laughed softly. He sounded pleased. Kris had to smile.
“Good night.”
--
He drove Joonmyun to his home to pack for their flight before he drove both of them to office. All members of the team were apparently waiting for them in the meeting room. Joonmyun shied away under their questioning gaze, but Kris stayed put.
“How was it?” He casually asked, sliding down into a free chair. Chanyeol was staring at him with mouth wide-opened. He could feel the questions drilled into the back of his head, but he ignored it.
“The profiles of the victim came this morning,” Lu Han answered. He gestured to the opened files on the table. Joonmyun took one to read over. Kris took the other. “We could discuss the victimology on the plane. We need to get there before our unsub takes another victim.”
“Sounds good to me,” Krystal piped up. Joonmyun was suddenly sitting next to her. Kris didn’t even realize him moving around.
Lu Han nodded. “The jet is waiting for us. Let’s go.” He got up, and the others followed him.
--
There was a mistake. One big mistake.
Kris scanned his eyes across the laid out pictures on the table again. They have been there since the morning, courtesy of Lu Han’s determination. His guts were telling him that there was something wrong among the pictures; something that was off. It wasn’t supposed to be there, but even Kris couldn’t find out what wasn’t supposed to be there.
It was probably small, but the impact towards the investigation was pretty big.
The last victim was out of the loop. It felt wrong to have her on the victim list somehow. Kris hadn’t figured out the unsub’s motive, but he was pretty sure the girl was an accident. How she was killed seemed out of place, too. The unsub was more physical; gun and knife. By the way she was pushed off from the fifth floor was odd.
“Damn it,” Kris gritted his teeth. The victimology had to be leading them to possession, which was one of his specialties. He normally would have figured one or two things by now, but he just couldn’t.
“Chanyeol called in,” Minseok said as he entered the room with the others following behind him. He took a seat in one of the chair, looking frustrated. Lu Han walked towards the board. He took out some photographs from an envelope and clipped it on the board. “He gave us some numbers to call for interview. The forensic team also had finished on the last body. Lu Han will fill us in.”
They nodded in unison, obviously tensed up by the amount of victim.
Lu Han was going on how the latest victim suffered from nothing but the fall. She was probably felt threatened. She could recognize the killer, too, because the autopsy didn’t show any signs of fight from her.
“Chanyeol got her profile,” Minseok said. He turned his iPad on the table so they could see the technical analyst through the webcam. “He said she lived in the same building with the boy who witnessed the attack on the previous victim.”
“The girl wasn’t on the plan?” Kris asked.
“She was the only one covered up in sheets. It was like he was mourning over her.” Amber explained. She was the one who went to the crime scene along with Minseok and Lu Han. “She was moved, too. Our unsub knew if we found where she was killed, we would find him too.”
“He’s smart,” Joonmyun commented.
Minseok nodded. He turned his head towards Kris. “You and Joonmyun should go to investigate the apartment building. I will have Chanyeol to look further about this building.”
“Yes, Sir.” They said in unison before they got up and headed towards the car.
It was going to be a long trip.
--
The apartment’s reception guy led them into the storage room. He said the victim girl went there that afternoon, so perhaps they would find clues. Their climb on the stairs was quiet and careful. Kris could tell the reception guy was nervous upon their arrival for investigation, but he didn’t think it was him who killed the girl.
Joonmyun was stiff behind him. From the bags under his eyes, Kris could tell that he didn’t get any more sleep that he was getting. Still, Joonmyun tried to appear professional, and Kris appreciated that.
“It’s here,” the reception guy said. He pulled out a key and unlocked the door for them.
Kris glanced at Joonmyun, readying his gun. Joonmyun had his gun ready as well. He nodded his head, gesturing towards the door. Kris took the sign and slipped into the room carefully. He didn’t want to surprise anyone in the storage room that could be the unsub. By any chance, surprise entrance could make him run away instead.
They ventured inside the storage room. Kris took an extra look behind the archive shelves. No one was there.
“Clear,” he announced to Joonmyun, who was nowhere near him. He pulled back and looked for Joonmyun. He found his partner standing over a table. “Looks like someone has been living here,” he said, looking at the half empty cup of coffee.
“Kris?” Joonmyun called. “Look what I’ve found.”
Kris joined him. They were looking at pages filled with pictures of all of the victims and their strands of hair.
“It’s like a scrapbook,” Joonmyun murmured, flipping off the pages. “So this is what the trophies are for.”
Kris looked around. “He also gets the perfect view of the blocks. This way he could watch everything that’s happening around the building,” he said. He turned towards the reception guy, who was pretty much at loss seeing their foundings. “Do you know who lived here?”
“Yeah. It’s Tanner, our night guy. He called in for a family emergency and I had to cover his shift.”
Joonmyun filed in the scrapbook carefully. “Let’s call the others here. Looks like we’ve found the killer.”
--
The monitor they found in the storage room was actually connected to a surveillance camera in the living room of Tanner’s pregnant wife. It was showing the live video of what was happening in the house.
“Their first child was unborn. Tanner’s wife blamed him for being unable to protect their child. She said he hadn’t proved himself to be a reliable father. They broke up, and the wife stayed with her brother. Tanner got a job in the apartment building and decided he needed to prove to his wife that he could protect his children just well. That’s why he kept pictures in the scrapbook; it was so he could prove himself to his wife.”
Kris nodded to the phone, even though the receiver in the other end couldn’t see him. “I and Joonmyun are heading to his house. Chanyeol gave the coordinate earlier.”
“We have sent you backup units. They will arrive short after you,” Amber informed him. “Oh, and, Kris?”
“Yeah?”
“Please be careful. The baby is due today. We have sent an ambulance too, just in case.”
“Got it.”
He pressed down on the gas after he shut the call down, intending to drive faster to the house.
“What did Amber say?” Joonmyun asked from the passenger seat next to him.
“Basically our unsub is under illusion that he is a protector of the apartment block, and he collected the pictures so he could prove his wife that he is a good protector. We also need to be careful, the baby is due today.”
Joonmyun fell silent. Kris couldn’t look at his face but he could feel his worry.
Kris took a glance at the younger guys. “Did I say something wrong?”
“Nothing,” Joonmyun shook his head lightly. “I just… I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind.”
“Joonmyun…”
“Sometimes I wonder, how would it feel to be unable to control our mind? How would it feel to lose control over our own self? It would feel scary, of course. And I’m scared, Kris. I’m scared that sometimes in the future I would, too.”
Kris pulled a hand from the steering wheel to pat Joonmyun’s thigh gently. “You won’t, Joonmyun. You won’t lose control of yourself. You are not your mother, okay? Right now you are BAU agent Joonmyun Kim, a doctorate, specializing in multiple fields because you are a genius. Give yourself some credit, come on.”
Joonmyun didn’t reply, but the hand that hesitantly covered Kris’ on his thigh seemed to reassure him enough not to worry.
Soon they arrive at the house. Kris quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and get off the car. Joonmyun followed him close as they walked to the porch of the house, guns at ready. He didn’t wait for any signal before he kicked the door open and entered the house.
“Drop the knife,” he commanded to Tanner, who was now thrusting a knife in front of his wife’s neck. He apparently thought of taking her as hostage. “Drop it down.”
“Tanner, think about what you’re doing,” Joonmyun cut in. He dropped his hand down. “If you do that, your new child will just die like your previous son. You don’t want to hurt the baby, don’t you?”
“The baby is coming out,” Tanner’s wife complained. She groaned in pain.
“No!” Tanner seemed persistent. Kris just had to get him away from his wife so he could at least shoot his shoulder and take him down. “I can protect the child. The baby would live under my eyes.”
“Tanner-“ Joonmyun sounded frustrated. He was now walking very slowly to reach the couple. The wife obviously needed help very badly, and while the ambulance hadn’t arrived to help her, Joonmyun was the only one in the room with medical knowledge. “Calm yourself down. I’m going to help your wife and you are not going to kill her.”
“No!” Tanner moved his hand quickly that Kris hesitated if he should pull the trigger or not. If he misfired then he would lose two lives not just one.
Then there was a sound of a gun being fired and Tanner went down.
Kris was sure he was not the one who pulled the trigger.
When he looked to the window across the room, he saw Amber there just lowering her gun. He nodded to her, feeling grateful. He immediately went to Tanner’s body and checked his breathing. He was still alive; Amber didn’t shoot any vital point.
The sound of baby crying broke his concentration on cuffing Tanner’s hands. He looked up to see Joonmyun holding a freshly born baby. Joonmyun was smiling fondly at the baby, and Kris’ heart lurched at the sight.
It wasn’t long until the sound of both the police and medics came. Kris got up to help Amber bringing the wife to the ambulance for quick help while Joonmyun handled the baby to a waiting nurse. The nurse thanked him for taking immediate action, and Joonmyun shook his head. Minseok and Lu Han came, brought a wailing Tanner out of the house and into the police car.
When Kris got back to the house to make sure that everything was in order, he found Joonmyun still standing in the same spot. His hands were covered in the wife’s blood, and his eyes were drawn out.
“Joonmyun,” Kris called out, approaching him. The younger didn’t respond at all. Sighing, he pulled out a clean handkerchief he always carried along with him and unfolded it. He took Joonmyun’s hand in, and started to wipe the blood off Joonmyun’s palm gently. “You did great back then, you know,” he said. The blood was starting to dry off so he had to scrub on a few spots.
“You don’t need to do this,” Joonmyun said in a soft voice.
Kris didn’t look up. Somehow he found how interesting Joonmyun’s fingers were as he cleaned them up. “I want to.”
It surprised Kris when Joonmyun curled up his fingers around the handkerchief, stopping him from cleaning. He took a worried glance at the silent man. Joonmyun was staring at the messy tangle of their hands, his expression unreadable. Kris had to lower his head for a better view.
“Hey.”
Joonmyun finally looked up. He looked sad, with his lips tightly pressed and slightly curved up. Then it occurred to Kris that perhaps this case they had been working on might shake the younger man more than any of the team personnel.
“It will be okay, you know? The baby will grow up just like the other normal kids; his wife would at least ensure that. All parents want the best for their kids,” Kris said. He reached out with a hand that hadn’t been stained with the blood from Joonmyun’s hand and brushed a few wild strands of hair on Joonmyun’s forehead. “Just like you.”
Joonmyun closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. He willed himself to sort his feelings up. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Minseok came in to tell them to be in time for the interrogation.
--
A week of rest they got for solving another crime went really fast. Kris used the opportunity to fly to Canada to watch his favorite team on basketball match. He knew Chanyeol would spend his time in front of his multi-screen pc and play multiple games. Minseok and Lu Han would probably visit their families, while Amber and Krystal had already planned to go hiking together. It was Joonmyun he didn’t know about.
It was Sunday, the last rest day they got. Kris spent the morning tending the plants he had in his garden and noon shopping groceries like normal people would do. He drove to his favorite coffee shop to get a cup of iced americano before he drove back to his house. He refilled the empty refrigerator with the stuffs he bought from the store in exactly the arrangement his mother taught him since he was a child.
After he took a refreshing shower, he headed to the kitchen to cook himself some food to eat while watching some Star Wars movie he saved for his last day of holiday. He missed watching movies. He used to watch a lot before he got into the FBI.
When he was taking out eggs to fry, the doorbell rang.
He put the eggs on the kitchen counter before he rushed to the door.
“Joonmyun?” Kris tried to hide his surprise when the door was opened and the younger man showed up.
Joonmyun was wearing a long sleeved shirt despite the warm weather. He looked much calmer than Kris last saw him before the break. He had cut his hair short, brightening up his face just even more.
“Hi,” Joonmyun flashed him a smile. It looked sweet.
“Hey,” he replied, suddenly remembering where they were. “Come in. I was just about to cook dinner.”
Joonmyun made a soft laugh when he passed by Kris at the door. “Why is it that every time I visit you’re always cooking?”
“You come just right in time.” Kris couldn’t help but patted his hair. He had wanted to do that for a while. “Did you cut your hair?” He asked, partially as an excuse to the patting.
“Yeah. I was trying a fresher look.”
Kris nodded. “It’s good. Is fried rice okay?”
“Anything is okay,” Joonmyun replied, following Kris to the kitchen. He ran his fingers along the edge of the dining table, looking hesitant. He tilted his head slightly, “Do you want me to help?”
“Just sit there and wait nicely.” Kris gestured to the chair on Joonmyun’s left. It’s the chair he rarely used.
Joonmyun raised his eyebrows, but he didn’t ask any questions. “Okay,” he said, pulling the chair before he sat on it. Kris left him to cook, feeling a bit guilty but determined to make a good dinner for both of them.
It didn’t take long for him to finish the fried rice. It was, afterall, his specialty. He brought the plates to the dining table that Joonmyun had diligently cleaned and arranged up. Joonmyun looked actually delighted when he saw the food, and it relieved Kris somehow. Of course he didn’t want to disappoint anyone by his cooking; least of them Joonmyun.
“How was your break?” Kris asked between his third and fourth spoon of the fried rice.
“It went well,” Joonmyun smiled up at him. He had to finish chewing before he replied properly. “I heard you went to Canada. How was the game?”
Kris shrugged. “Great. My team didn’t win, but it was a good game. I didn’t regret it.”
“I went to visit my mum,” Joonmyun said suddenly, eyes trained on his plate. “At the sanitarium,” he added.
Joonmyun had once said that his mother was currently residing in a mental institution. He frequently wrote to his mother about things, but he never visited. He said it was because he was busy, but Kris thought there would be more reason behind that.
“Oh?” Kris didn’t hide his surprise. “How was she?”
“She looked good. The nurse said she was getting better. She took the medicine well and never missed on a therapy.” The way Joonmyun talked about her mother was something Kris never saw in him. It was full of fondness, unlike the other times he talked about her. “It was awkward at first. Then I told her that I live well, and I gave her a book. She looked happy. She is always happy whenever I give her new books.”
Kris smiled. “You sound so happy about it.”
“I am,” Joonmyun smiled back. “I’m glad I made the trip.”
“You should visit her more,” he said, but Joonmyun shook his head.
“It’s better this way,” Joonmyun pushed the little cucumbers blocks away with his fork. His lips were pursed upwards. They fell into a sudden silence. Kris didn’t ask further; if Joonmyun didn’t want to talk about it, he wouldn’t press the subject.
He changed the topic instead. They talked about more of their trips and their colleagues’. Kris asked Joonmyun about his favorite food, for future reference, and Joonmyun asked him about his favorite book. They ended up talking about movies and Kris invited him for the Star Wars movie he was about to watch. Joonmyun was actually a big fan, and he agreed to stay. The way his face lightened up when he asked him made Kris felt giddy inside.
Joonmyun insisted on helping cleaning the dishes. Kris tried to deny but Joonmyun knew how to be persistent and irresistible. Kris gave up and lent him the apron so the water wouldn’t splash on his nice clothes-not like Kris noticed that they were, indeed, nice.
But Joonmyun in apron was really cute and Kris wouldn’t mind seeing it everyday.
He escorted the younger to the living room with wine bottle in his right hand and two glasses in his left hand. Joonmyun laughed as he settled down on the couch, Kris pouring down the wine for both of them like a good waiter. Joonmyun praised him jokingly, and Kris played along to it. He liked the sound of Joonmyun’s laughter, and it felt like he would do anything to keep him hearing that sound.
After pressing the play button, Kris easily settled down next to Joonmyun. The tiny gap between them was mostly intentional. Joonmyun was warm afterall, and it was kind of cold in there.
Joonmyun didn’t mind, though. He was very relaxed, leaning onto the couch like he was always a part of it. Kris started to think if Joonmyun was actually a part of his life. The strong attraction and longing he felt for the younger man was something he never experienced before, not even for Victoria.
Perhaps it was Joonmyun’s soft hair and round eyes and plump lips and thin waist, and-his everything.
Somewhere in the middle of the movie, Joonmyun gasped. It brought Kris back from his musing. He should feel ashamed, for he was the one who asked to watch the movie and he ended up being the one spacing out during it. He wanted to laugh, really. No one had ever driven him this crazy before.
“Aren’t you watching?” Joonmyun’s voice startled him. The younger man was staring up at him in curiosity.
“I was distracted,” Kris said honestly, “by you.” He added when Joonmyun raised an eyebrow. It was cute.
The faint shade of red that spread on Joonmyun’s cheeks was really pretty. The fact that it was him who caused the blush made Kris even happier. His heart was thumping loudly, nervous of what Joonmyun would react to his words. He had actually no plan to go forward because the other man might want to have a peace with his mind. But Kris didn’t mind waiting, if he really should.
“Why?” Joonmyun asked softly, but his features were tense.
“You are…” Kris said distractingly. A lot of words came up to his mind, but none seemed right. “You are here,” he finally said.
“I am here,” Joonmyun repeated. He looked hesitated.
Kris smiled. “You are here. That’s enough.”
Joonmyun, surprisingly, smiled back. He moved his hand and rested it on Kris’ thigh. It was like he was reminding him of his presence. It was comforting. Kris found that he liked the warmth of Joonmyun’s palm against the fabric of his pants.
Kris put his hand over Joonmyun’s and laced their fingers together. They sort of fit each other, like they were belonged to each other. He leant closer so their shoulders bump into each other. It was warmer this way, comfortable, too.
He turned his head to Joonmyun to talk about his plan after work tomorrow. It would be good if they could go to the Italian restaurant just a few blocks away from the office.
“Hey-“
“Uh-“
Joonmyun looked like he was about to say something, too. His eyes were wide from surprise. It must have caught him off guard.
“Did you say something?”
But Kris didn’t say anything. He leaned right in and closed the gap between their lips. It was something he had wanted to do from the start. Joonmyun’s tempting rosy lips didn’t help either. He had always imagined their kiss would be something sweet; slow and assuring.
It was nothing like that.
There was no sparks like they have been described in the romance novels his mother used to read in his childhood, but it wasn’t bad either. Joonmyun was rather clumsy, but Kris knew he was trying hard. He appreciated that. It was pleasant, actually.
Joonmyun hesitated a lot, and Kris had to do the first move a lot of times. But he didn’t mind. He liked kissing him.
When they part, Joonmyun chuckled, “The movie is still playing.” His fingers played along with Kris’.
“It’s okay. I have watched it before.” Kris shrugged.
“But it’s Star Wars!” He laughed. It sounded freer than Kris had ever heard.
It was like something in Joonmyun had been switched on the moment their lips met.
“You are such a nerd,” he joked. He put his arm around Joonmyun’s shoulders and pulled him closer so his head rested on his shoulder. Joonmyun turned to hide his face in Kris’ arm. He could feel the younger man smiling against the sleeve of his t-shirt.
“Thank you for being here,” Joonmyun said softly. His fingers were clenching on Kris’ shirt. “Thank you for being real.”
Kris smiled. He gave a small peck on the corner of Joonmyun’s lips. “We are real. Don’t worry.”
❇ Pairing: Kris/Suho, past!Kris/Victoria
❇ Rating: PG-13
❇ Length: 9,500
❇ Warnings: minor character death, mention of bullying, slight angst
❇ Author note: Dear immabeabrownie, thank you for the prompts! This one especially intrigued me. I hope this fits your expectation as I enjoyed writing it! I'm sorry this is so rushed, though. ;; Also, thanks a lot to R-nim whom I bugged a lot these days for emergency beta works. I love you♥
❇ Summary: Joonmyun didn't think it was real, but Kris insisted him to. (Criminal Minds!AU. Loosely based on 9x07, may contain spoilers)
“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.”
― Frank Clark
Kris Wu strode along the corridor with hurried steps and one thing in mind: a cup of coffee. His conversation with Victoria over the phone this morning wasn’t exactly pleasing. It took them a lot of shouts and too much of hot heads in only twenty minutes three and a half second. Kris had regretted the call immediately.
He loved her, really. Victoria had been great. She was even greater than any girls he dated in the past. Their relationship started out smooth and got bumpy in the middle, because Victoria thought he hadn’t spared much time for her, and apparently forgetting to buy her a bouquet of roses on their anniversary day meant the end of the world.
Kris just didn’t understand logic, especially when it was girls’ logic.
His own logic was telling him to immediately head to the pantry to make a cup of coffee. The thick black liquid should at least slap some senses into him. Minseok definitely wouldn’t want him on the field with his mind too occupied with something else.
One cup of black coffee, no milk, no sugar should do it.
Kris hoped he wouldn’t meet anyone he knew as his steps became faster. It would be difficult to explain this hard look he was having on his face, especially when it would be easily noticed by his teammates. Lu Han would be the first to know, no doubts. He was not Minseok’s right hand for nothing. The blonde had the most brilliant pair of eyes among the team, and even the FBI. What was even worse that the pantry was usually made Lu Han’s lair in the morning.
When Kris entered the pantry and saw a figure sitting on one of chairs with his elbow perched on the round wooden table, he automatically created one hundred and five of excuses he would say. But they immediately dissipated once he realized that it was not Lu Han, but Joonmyun.
The other man’s usual straight black hair was curlier and messier than usual. The glasses perched loosely on his nose bridge. Kris trailed his eyes further and saw how his right cuff was unbuttoned. His hands were busy pouring sugar into his own cup of coffee.
Kris couldn’t help but getting curious.
“Easy there, Joonmyun. Try to put more coffee into your sugar,” he said as he made his way to the cabinet where they kept the coffee. He took a paper cup from the dispenser and started to make his own coffee.
There was a pause, and Kris thought Joonmyun wasn’t going to answer. But he never really knew about the other man. “I need something to wake me up,” Joonmyun said softly.
Kris frowned. “You do realize that it was the coffee that keeps you up, not the sugar, right?”
“It’s actually the caffeine that helps pumping my heart so I’m more alert about my surrounding, therefore creating an effect where I feel awake instead of sleepy.”
“Ouch,” Kris accidentally poured milk into his coffee, the usual amount instead of clinging onto the zero milk, zero sugar principle he held for today. “Well, late night?”
“Very.”
Kris turned around and stared at Joonmyun directly. The smaller man was now facing him, and he could see how shades of red decorated around his eyes. Even an amateur would know how badly he needs sleep. “Oh my!” he gasped, eyebrows raised up in surprise.
“Not that kind of late night, of course,” Joonmyun rolled his eyes. He turned back to his cup of sugar with coffee, and Kris returned to stir his own.
Grinning, he brought his cup to the round table and took the seat across Joonmyun’s. “I’m sure,” he said. He took an experimental sip on his coffee and immediately felt blessed for whoever that was invented coffee.
“How was Vic?”
Kris lifted up his head from his steaming cup. Joonmyun was meeting his eyes calmly-at least his posture was, but his eyes contained storm. Kris had no idea how he managed to do so.
“Not good,” he said honestly. He couldn’t lie; not under Joonmyun’s pair of black orbs eyes.
Joonmyun flickered his eyes down. His long black eyelashes went stark against his pale complexion, Kris noticed. “That explains the coffee,” he murmured.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Joonmyun played with the spoon in his cup. “It’s just… you know. Less milk?” He looked up at Kris with expectation, but the older man couldn’t quite catch what he meant.
Kris raised an eyebrow cluelessly. He almost felt sorry for his teammate. Joonmyun sighed, pushing back his glasses with his index finger in habit. “Nevermind,” he said, shaking his head.
The door opened before Kris could open his mouth to press Joonmyun further. A long-haired woman entered briskly, newspaper in her hand.
“Joonmyun, about this morning’s seven across-“ She stopped in her tracks. Her widened eyes were trained at Kris like she didn’t expect him here at all. “Morning, Kris. I didn’t know Joonmyun had a company.”
“Krystal,” Kris smiled. He lifted up his paper cup to greet the woman. “I didn’t know that he wasn’t supposed to have a company either”
Joonmyun said nothing. His pursed up lips were enough sign to tell that he was obviously in discomfort. He reached out his hand and took the newspaper in Krystal’s hand swiftly. “What’s the clue?” He asked as he fixed his glasses with his index finger; a habit signaling that he was entering the serious mode.
Krystal turned to him. “Don’t laugh at me, but it’s a six words ‘Walks leisurely’ and it’s not ‘stroll.’”
Joonmyun looked at the crossword intently. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration, a tongue peeked out at the corner of his lips. Kris knew this. It was an antic the younger had always had when he was thrilled in solving something, not that Kris paid attention that much. Being in FBI made him noticed one or two things a little bit more detailed.
Kris didn’t realize he was staring at Joonmyun until Krystal coughed.
“Sorry, I didn’t have much sleep lately,” she said, clearing her throat.
But Kris knew it was a lie. She was never honest with her eyes kept stealing a glance at him. It was a curious glance, one that she always threw at suspects in the interview room. Kris was not a suspect. He narrowed his eyes at her, and she quickly hid away.
“Ambles,” Joonmyun announced suddenly, obviously not even slightly disturbed by the small noises she just made. A smug smile crept up his face, and he looked nothing like the depressed-looking Joonmyun Kris just witnessed this morning. “Of course it has to be that one.” He cheerfully scribbled down the letters on the newspaper.
“You’re brilliant,” Krystal gushed. She touched Joonmyun’s shoulder lightly when he handed her the newspaper.
Joonmyun smiled at her. “It was in the family.” He reached out for his cup and took another sip.
Kris chuckled from across the table. “You guys and your obsession towards crosswords.”
“It’s one of the things that keeps me sane,” Joonmyun shrugged. It managed to put off Krystal’s hand off his shoulder, and Kris tried so hard not to let a grin out for noticing that. “My mother said that it was some kind of… therapy.”
“You don’t need therapy, Joonmyun.” Krystal frowned. “You have to stop thinking that-“
“Not here, ‘Stal.” His voice was stern, not something that the office got to hear everyday. Kris admired how the other man could manage such an authority aura around him when he was not even the team’s leader. He would never expect that from someone who used to spend his early years of work behind the table instead of having action on the field.
She pursed up her lips. The newspaper was gripped tightly in her hand. She glanced accusingly at Kris, whose ears perked up excitedly at their conversation. She threw him a dirty look before looking back to Joonmyun. “I was just saying that you’re worth it.”
“Thanks,” Joonmyun said a little too quickly. He looked up to flash up a grin at Krystal. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but Kris could see the frowns on the woman’s forehead went even deeper.
He opened up his mouth to comment, but the sudden loud ring of his phone blasted around the room. Kris sighed. He fished out his phone out of his pocket to see Lu Han’s name flashing on the screen.
“Didn’t know you’ll be the polyphonic type,” Joonmyun commented innocently. That earned him a glare from Kris.
“It’s Lu Han,” he said nonetheless, before he slid his finger on the screen. It got him the attention from both of them. “Yes?” He talked immediately into the phone. Joonmyun shifted in his seat nervously, eyes training at him like he was expecting something. Krystal had the same look in her eyes. The two of them are waiting, for whatever Kris will tell them.
“Yes. I get it. We’ll be there soon, Lu.” Kris ended the call. He pocketed back his phone with two pair of eyes trailing after his every movement. It used to be unnerving, to be watched like this. But Kris had outgrown that nervousness a long time ago. He looked up with a challenge in his eyes instead. “A murder case is up again. Lu Han wants to meet in fifteen minutes.”
Krystal clicked her tongue. “Well, we don’t have any reason to be late, do we?”
--
“Three victims, all male, wallets stolen.” Chanyeol explained the photos on his iPad. The technical analyst slid his fingers over the screen to browse all the pictures. They were all about men with eyes and mouth wide open. Kris leaned closer to get a better look.
Chanyeol stretched two of his fingers to zoom in a victim’s neck. It showed dark marks; purple-ish blotches forming a line that circled around the neck.
“The unsub choked all the victims to death. He strikes at night, targeting the deserted alleys with no witnesses around.” Minseok, the team leader, explained the bruises. “The odd thing about the victims is they were all lower to middle class economically. Their wallets might not have that much cash.”
“There have been no charge attempts for their credit cards either,” Chanyeol piped in.
“So it might be not about money,” Krystal frowned. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest.
The short haired girl next to her joined in, “It might be an act to confuse the forensic countermeasure. Taking their wallets would delay the victims identification.”
“Amber was right,” Minseok said. “That could fit with the first two victims. But the last victim was on phone with his roommate when the unsub attacked him. It was actually his roommate who later called the police.”
“It’s weird. He was desperate enough to wait a long time in dark places but couldn’t wait for the phone call to finish.” Joonmyun said. “It’s like he has no other choices.”
Kris nodded his head in agreement. “So he’s mission-oriented. He doesn’t want to kill them, he has to.”
“That suggests that the unsub has no personal connection to the victims,” Lu Han said. “Except choking to death is a very personal method.”
“Perhaps him taking the wallets is some kind of depersonalization. He wanted to take away the identities of the victims.”
“Which means he may feel that his own identity was taken away. He could collect the wallets as trophies of identities he has stolen. He might be seeking recognition for his works.” Joonmyun said.
“And he might not stop until he gets the recognition,” Minseok sighed. He leaned in his chair. “We’ll fly to Boston for this case tomorrow morning. Please prepare yourselves.”
--
It took awhile before Kris finally remembered where he put the lighter. He had long forgotten the lighter since he quitted smoking two years ago at the demand of the team’s chief, Minseok. He tested the fire out, and once he was satisfied, he put it on the dining table.
The ringing of his phone distracted him. He had to saunter all the way to his bedroom to locate his vibrating phone on the bed. It was Victoria; he took no hesitation to pick up the call.
“Hi?”
“Hey Kris, uh, can we postpone today’s date?” Her voice came rushed from the other end of the line. Kris could make some distant chatter in the background. “Boss gave me an extra work, if I don’t take it now I’ll lose my career forever.” Victoria’s determined mind about her career was what made Kris fell for her in the first place.
“I… I actually only have today. We’ll be flying off tomorrow morning to Boston.”
Victoria went silent. Kris counted to seven before he heard her spoke so softly that he barely caught what she said. “It’s not working out anymore, isn’t it?” She asked, and Kris wanted to tell her that no, they were working together just wonderful, but that would be a lie. He was also starting to get tired of the relationship.
“I wish it is,” he replied instead.
He heard Victoria chuckled. It was ironic. Normally he would feel sad and confused, but instead he was relieved.
Kris hung up the phone with a long sigh. He stole a glance at his table set for two. The Chicken Fried Steak and Fettuccini Carbonara he prepared especially for tonight were still there along with the candles. Victoria had canceled their date again. It was not the first time for her to do so. She was busy woman, even busier than him sometimes. He should have not expected anything for today’s date.
Dinner was the last thing he could do, but he still offered to make one for them anyway. It was supposed to be an apology for rarely being there for her. If only people decide to become good sometimes, you’ll be doing less work, she had said over the phone. Kris chuckled, there would be no such thing, he said. She laughed, and she pointed out how with both of them working their asses off, date was only a ridiculous concept. He agreed. He didn’t complain when she said she wanted to break up. Perhaps they were just not working anymore. Kris didn’t mind. He still pitied the food he had cooked tonight, though.
He decided to finally move on from his brief mourning of losing a partner. He was just moving to put the wine glasses away when the doorbell rang. Kris frowned. He wasn’t expecting anyone else. Unless it was Victoria wanting to give him a surprise with her sudden presence. But they broke up already, and it wasn’t her style to surprise him.
Kris was surprised to see Joonmyun through the peephole.
“Joonmyun,” he said easily when he opened the door, no hint of surprise in his voice. “Just in time for dinner. Come in.” He stepped aside to allow the shorter man walked in.
Joonmyun nervously sauntered into the apartment. He had both his hands shoved into his jeans’ pocket. Kris stared at him as he examined the living room. Joonmyun looked… fragile. The borders of his shoulders were shaking, and it didn’t even take Kris’ specialty to observe to see that. From the way the younger man kept fidgeting on his toes, Kris knew that he was far from alright.
“Would wine be okay? Or do you want something else?” Kris asked as he stepped into the kitchen, Joonmyun following close behind him.
“I didn’t know you were expecting someone,” Joonmyun mumbled. Kris barely caught that if he didn’t lean in for a better hearing. The younger man was still staring at the dining table, the reflection of the candle was dancing in his eyes.
Kris shrugged. “I was, but I wasn’t. You came anyway, so I don’t have to waste the food.” He walked towards a chair and pulled it up so Joonmyun could sit. “Unless you have eaten already, of course, then I’m doomed.”
“Oh,” Joonmyun looked quite surprised by the gesture. “I was-I mean,” there was a pretty blush blossoming on his cheekbones. “I actually came to talk.”
“Talk?” Kris raised an eyebrow. It was not usual for them to talk anyway, not outside work. Joonmyun tend to close himself off, only having a few people to know what he was really thinking. Even in the group, Kris couldn’t read him the most. Joonmyun was an enigma, a puzzle Kris had yet to resolve.
It was not really a problem for Kris. Joonmyun was always the one to act professional, so working with him was easy. He had been helpful, too, with his genius brain and brilliant analysis. And it wasn’t like Kris had a pretty close friendship with all the other teammates anyway. Lu Han was a man he respected, certainly he would do no such thing as flirting openly as he did with Amber. But he understood Lu Han, somehow. With Joonmyun, it was zero.
“Well, talks are easier when they’re over wine, I heard.”
“I didn’t say I would not take the food,” Joonmyun blunted.
Kris raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Okay.” He scratched his not itchy nose. “Then perhaps you would want to sit down?” He tapped the chair he was gripping.
“Oh. Right. I’m sorry,” Joonmyun blinked. He quickly made his way to sit down on the chair offered by the taller man.
“Easy, Joonmyun. I’m not going to poison you,” Kris said. He gave the other man a quick grin once both of them were settled down.
Joonmyun laughed, the sound was crisp and smooth. Kris was surprised to hear that. Joonmyun was rarely the type to laugh, and their job was hardly something to trigger laughter in the office. Perhaps once or twice when Jongdae read off his cheap daily jokes texts, but Kris never noticed Joonmyun laughed before. He smiled, yes; he grinned, yes; but to laugh so freely, Kris was even surprised at the sound of it.
Dinner went quite well. They talked small things over the chicken and the pasta, like how Joonmyun’s mother used to have him eating exactly the same food on his birthdays, or how Kris used to wanting to be a pilot but his parents sent him off to the police academy instead. They were not topics they haven’t touched before.
Kris patiently waited for Joonmyun. He knew he shouldn’t press him for the topic. It was out of place enough that Joonmyun went to his place to talk, so Kris wouldn’t want to waste the chance. He strongly believed that Joonmyun would talk eventually. He was a man of his words. They have worked together in the unit for, how long?-two years, and even though they haven’t been the closest pair in the group, they have been around each other enough to have a deep understanding.
Kris waited. He was refilling both of their glasses of wine for the third time when Joonmyun suddenly choked out a laugh. Kris raised an eyebrow, pausing on the bottle to look at Joonmyun. The younger had his fingers covering his mouth, his eyes are teary.
“What’s wrong? Did I somehow poison you with the food?”
Joonmyun shook his head. He kept snickering. “Nothing. I just-“ he waved his hand. Kris made sure he really was okay before he continued to pour the wine into his glass. “Oh my God,” Joonmyun breathed out.
Kris put back the bottle, staring at Joonmyun suspiciously. Apparently he had not been around the younger enough to decipher what was the meaning behind his behavior. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do I need to call someone?”
“No,” Joonmyun sternly said, once he was sobered back from his laughter. “This is supposed to be something between us. They couldn’t know.” Joonmyun hiccupped. Kris sighed, standing up to fetch him a glass of water. He didn’t know Joonmyun was a bad drinker. The younger seemed to handle it well every time the team went to bar. “I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this,” he said, like Kris had just broadcasted his thoughts out loud.
Kris just smiled. He handed over the water to Joonmyun, who gladly received it and downed it in a few gulps. “It’s okay. Just enjoy yourself around here, I guess.” Kris shrugs.
“I’m not drunk,,” Joonmyun said.
“Okay,” Kris chuckled.
“Totally sober.”
“I can see that.” Kris decided that it would be wise for him to take his own wine.
Joonmyun smiled, “I’m having dinner in your place, with lit up candles as giving off romantic vibes.”
“I was expecting someone, but they didn’t turn up. You knocked on my door, and I invited you in.”
“Victoria?”
Kris nodded. “It doesn’t matter now. We broke up.”
Joonmyun looked genuinely surprised at him. The fork that was holding a cut piece of meat was held mid-air. “Just now?”
“Yes. And it’s not like we don’t see it coming. Tell you what, I don’t feel sad even the slightest,” Kris said. “The only thing I was sad about was the leftover food, but you came. So it’s good.”
“It’s okay. I like it.” Joonmyun said. He was careful not to touch the sensitive topic again. “The food is good. You’re a good cook.”
“Thank you,” Kris smiled back. He was taken aback by the compliment, but he didn’t show it. “Come on, help me clean up.” Kris stood up.
Joonmyun lifted his head. He gave a small smile that reassured Kris enough that he was okay. “Sure, let me help.”
Kris trusted Joonmyun with the dishes while he cleaned up the table. It was easier this way; Joonmyun didn’t know his kitchen arrangement anyway. They talked briefly about Chanyeol’s new technology in the lab and how lucky the team was to have Chanyeol at the station, because Kris would suck up big time instead of helping. He was no expert at computers and such, and Joonmyun was not in the position where he could laugh about that. While Joonmyun was smart, much smarter than any man Kris had ever known, he was more of dusty books person than an iBook person.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” Kris asked, instead of asking him when was he going to start talking, when Joonmyun was drying his hands off. He looked up distractedly and blinked. “Star Wars?” He asked again, because he knew how much of a fan Joonmyun was.
“Yeah,” Joonmyun answered shortly.
Kris put Star Wars: Episode III into the dvd player while Joonmyun settled down in the couch. The younger was focused on the monitor as soon as the movie started. Kris had to smile at how Joonmyun was automatically curled up into a ball, with his chin up on his knee to get comfortable. He walked over to the kitchen to grab some beers and snacks.
“You’re trying to get me drunk so I would start talking, aren’t you?” Joonmyun asked when Kris handed him a can of beer, his eyes were still sticking to the monitor.
“Oops,” Kris grinned. He flopped down to sit next to Joonmyun. He made sure their shoulders and thighs were touching; the warmth of other people had always succeeding in calming him off. He hoped it would work the same magic on Joonmyun. “Am I too obvious?” he teased.
Joonmyun sighed. He opened up the can and took a large gulp. “Just wait until the movie is finished, okay?” He put down the can on the small wooden table Kris had from his parents as housewarming gift.
“Anytime,” Kris said, opening his own can. He leaned back on the couch, settling into a comfortable position next to Joonmyun. The other man didn’t brush him off, so Kris took it that he didn’t mind the contact.
Joonmyun uncurled up himself as the credits rolled. Kris got up to get the dvd out of its player and put it back in the rack. He walked back to the couch and stared and Joonmyun, who was still staring at the now black screen.
“I’m still not drunk,” Joonmyun murmured. He hesitantly looked up at Kris.
Kris shrugged, “I don’t care. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, too.” He paused, considering his words. “I just want you to enjoy the night. You look like you deserve some rest.” He said it earnestly, hoping Joonmyun would understand his concern.
Joonmyun gave him a hesitant smile. “I enjoy it. Thank you.”
“No problem,” Kris flashed off a grin before he sat back next to Joonmyun. He grabbed a new beer can and opened it up. He needed to loose himself up as well.
“Did you know why my father left?” Joonmyun started. His voice was soft, Kris was sure he wouldn’t catch it if they were put at a further distance.
“Was it your mom?” He asked. It was a common knowledge in the group that Joonmyun’s mother had paranoid schizophrenia. But he had never told them any more information about it.
Joonmyun nodded. “I was a victim of bullying back in school. The guys had me stripped off, and tied to the goalpost.” Kris’ breath hitched at this. This was a new piece of information that Joonmyun never gave to him. Joonmyun had never opened up to him before, not like this. “But that wasn’t even the worst part, I grew out of it already. When I was finally released, it was already by the night. They didn’t return my clothes except for my boxers. It was cold, and I walked home in nothing but a pair of boxers. I wanted to cry, but I held it back. I didn’t want my mother to worry, you know. The last thing I want for her is to worry about me.” Kris nodded, urging him to continue. “When I arrived home, I found that the door wasn’t locked. I walked to the living room and found my mother there. She was surprised to see me.” Joonmyun smiled bitterly. “She didn’t even realize that I wasn’t home at the time I was supposed to be because she was having her episode.”
“I may be young. All I did was reading. I had this huge rack with books in my room. She used to read me some, too. I rarely socialize; it’s something that has always been my weakness since I was a kid. But I know that there was something wrong with her. I wasn’t stupid. I was just really, really sad. I thought I could live like the other kids, but they kept making fun of me.” Joonmyun didn’t cry, but he looked like he might as well would. Kris’ heart ached at the view. There was a hollow in his heart just watching the younger man on the verge of breaking. He wanted to pull Joonmyun in his arms and soothe him down, assure him that the world is okay and he didn’t need to worry anymore.
So he did.
Joonmyun was stiff in his arms at first, Kris thought that perhaps he was a step too far than Joonmyun would like him to. But he started to pat the younger’s hair and whispered calming words and Joonmyun started to relax. His ragged breathing was evened out, and he wasn’t shaking as much either. So perhaps it was okay, too.
“You should stay here for the night,” Kris said, because he didn’t want to have bad thoughts when Joonmyun was out of his reach. “You shouldn’t be alone, not like this.” Joonmyun’s form stiffened up and Kris momentarily panics. He knew it was a bad idea. The younger man could reject it anytime. But Kris knew how to feel broken and lonely, and he wanted to fix at least the lonely part for Joonmyun. “Come on, there is no way I would let you wander home alone this late,” he offered softer.
“Okay,” Joonmyun agreed weakly.
Kris smiled at that. “You can take my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
Joonmyun pulled back from his embrace, frowning. Kris had to let him go reluctantly. “But this is your house.”
He shakes his head, “You need it more. I don’t mind, anyway.”
More coaxing made them ended up with Kris lending Joonmyun his spare toothbrush and shirt that was a size too small for him but a size too big for Joonmyun. It was better than nothing, Kris thought. He tucked Joonmyun to bed, covered the younger with his blanket because the night was chilly and put out the light in his room so it would be more comfortable to sleep. He took spare beddings for him to use in the living room.
“Just yell if you need anything, okay?” Kris asked before he closed up the door. Joonmyun just nodded. He didn’t find any strength to talk more. “Good night, Joonmyun.” Kris said softly.
He walked towards the couch and made himself comfortable there. Even in the silence of the night, he could barely hear Joonmyun’s breathing from his room. But he knew that the younger was sleeping soundly there, so it was okay. Kris closed his eyes, trying to get himself some sleep.
It didn’t feel like hours yet when Kris woke up from noises from his room. He glanced at the illuminating digital clock on his dvd player; it was still three in the morning. He quickly got up and rushed himself to his room. He turned on the light and saw Joonmyun tossing and turning with sweats covering almost all of his skin. He was having a pretty bad nightmare. Kris immediately went to his side and tried to wake him up.
“Joonmyun,” he gently shook the younger’s shoulder. It pained him to see him like this, but he also didn’t want to surprise him. “Joonmyun, wake up. It’s me.”
Joonmyun’s eyes shot open. He looked around frantically, breath ragging like he was just running miles. “Oh, God,” he mumbled. He covered his eyes with an arm, trying to calm himself down.
Kris took Joonmyun’s hand in his, squeezing it gently. Joonmyun’s palm was cold and sweaty, but he still squeezed back. “I’m here. It’s okay.” Kris said, his thumb caressing Joonmyun’s hand to soothe him down.
“I’m sorry.” Joonmyun’s whisper was broken. The sound broke Kris’ heart in so many ways possible. He didn’t have it in his heart to see the younger so fragile; so vulnerable.
“Don’t be,” Kris answered softly. He patted Joonmyun’s arm lightly. “Let me get you some water.” He got up, releasing his grip on Joonmyun’s hand. If he didn’t know better, he would think that Joonmyun’s face faltered from the loss of contact. “Wait here.”
Kris was back with a glass of warm water, because he thought it was better for calming than the cold one. He helped Joonmyun drinking it in three big gulps and put the glass on the table when he was finished.
“Are you feeling better?” Kris asked. He kept his hands on his lap, trying to restrain the urge to touch Joonmyun. While physical touch would comfort him, he didn’t know what it would do to Joonmyun. He didn’t want to go overboard with him.
“Yes,” Joonmyun answered shortly before he looked up and met Kris’ eyes. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” Kris smiled. “Do you think you could get some more sleep? We will have to fly to Boston later and you need to have decent amount of sleep at least.”
Joonmyun nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Okay.” Kris forced out something that he’d like to think as a reassuring smile. “I’ll turn off the light again.”
“Don’t leave-“ Joonmyun reached out, curling his fingers around Kris’ wrist tightly. “Stay. Please.”
Kris didn’t ask. “Okay. Just-let me turn the light off.”
Joonmyun relaxed. He sunk deeper into the pillow. Kris could feel his eyes trained on him when he walked across the room to reach the switch. Once it was dark, Kris joined him in the bed. Joonmyun had scooted over to the edge to leave a wide space for him.
Kris settled on his back, thinking it would be awkward if he was facing Joonmyun. They had slept in a room together before when they had to fly all the way to Nevada, but it was not on the same bed. Like this, he could feel Joonmyun’s body heat radiating. His presence was really comforting.
“I heard it is genetically passable,” Joonmyun said softly when Kris already had his eyes closed. He thought Joonmyun was asleep already; he was so quiet. “Sometimes I have to ask myself: am I really being here?”
Kris rolled a bit so he was lying on his side, facing Joonmyun. He put his hand on the younger’s shoulder to assure him; remind him of his existence.
“Sometimes I wonder if I would eventually turn myself to be like her.”
“You won’t. You’re here, arent’ you?” Kris said softly.
“I don’t know.” Joonmyun turned his head to look at Kris. He bit his lower lip, looking unsure and confused. “Am I?”
“You are, Joonmyun. You’re very real right now.”
Joonmyun’s skin was warm under his touch. He was suddenly very aware of the closeness they share between them. The sound of Joonmyun’s heartbeat was loud, he realized. He just needed to tune out other sounds to listen. The younger’s heartbeat was soothing; he could find himself relaxing to the tune of it.
His hand was close, too. Just one swift movement and he could feel Joonmyun’s heartbeat under his hand. He wanted to. He shifted his palm and put it right above the younger’s heart. Joonmyun’s breath hitched. Kris loved the feeling of his heart pounding faster under his touch.
“Kris?”
“Hmm?” Kris hummed distractedly.
“Is this real?”
“Yeah. Pretty much, yeah.”
Joonmyun laughed softly. He sounded pleased. Kris had to smile.
“Good night.”
--
He drove Joonmyun to his home to pack for their flight before he drove both of them to office. All members of the team were apparently waiting for them in the meeting room. Joonmyun shied away under their questioning gaze, but Kris stayed put.
“How was it?” He casually asked, sliding down into a free chair. Chanyeol was staring at him with mouth wide-opened. He could feel the questions drilled into the back of his head, but he ignored it.
“The profiles of the victim came this morning,” Lu Han answered. He gestured to the opened files on the table. Joonmyun took one to read over. Kris took the other. “We could discuss the victimology on the plane. We need to get there before our unsub takes another victim.”
“Sounds good to me,” Krystal piped up. Joonmyun was suddenly sitting next to her. Kris didn’t even realize him moving around.
Lu Han nodded. “The jet is waiting for us. Let’s go.” He got up, and the others followed him.
--
There was a mistake. One big mistake.
Kris scanned his eyes across the laid out pictures on the table again. They have been there since the morning, courtesy of Lu Han’s determination. His guts were telling him that there was something wrong among the pictures; something that was off. It wasn’t supposed to be there, but even Kris couldn’t find out what wasn’t supposed to be there.
It was probably small, but the impact towards the investigation was pretty big.
The last victim was out of the loop. It felt wrong to have her on the victim list somehow. Kris hadn’t figured out the unsub’s motive, but he was pretty sure the girl was an accident. How she was killed seemed out of place, too. The unsub was more physical; gun and knife. By the way she was pushed off from the fifth floor was odd.
“Damn it,” Kris gritted his teeth. The victimology had to be leading them to possession, which was one of his specialties. He normally would have figured one or two things by now, but he just couldn’t.
“Chanyeol called in,” Minseok said as he entered the room with the others following behind him. He took a seat in one of the chair, looking frustrated. Lu Han walked towards the board. He took out some photographs from an envelope and clipped it on the board. “He gave us some numbers to call for interview. The forensic team also had finished on the last body. Lu Han will fill us in.”
They nodded in unison, obviously tensed up by the amount of victim.
Lu Han was going on how the latest victim suffered from nothing but the fall. She was probably felt threatened. She could recognize the killer, too, because the autopsy didn’t show any signs of fight from her.
“Chanyeol got her profile,” Minseok said. He turned his iPad on the table so they could see the technical analyst through the webcam. “He said she lived in the same building with the boy who witnessed the attack on the previous victim.”
“The girl wasn’t on the plan?” Kris asked.
“She was the only one covered up in sheets. It was like he was mourning over her.” Amber explained. She was the one who went to the crime scene along with Minseok and Lu Han. “She was moved, too. Our unsub knew if we found where she was killed, we would find him too.”
“He’s smart,” Joonmyun commented.
Minseok nodded. He turned his head towards Kris. “You and Joonmyun should go to investigate the apartment building. I will have Chanyeol to look further about this building.”
“Yes, Sir.” They said in unison before they got up and headed towards the car.
It was going to be a long trip.
--
The apartment’s reception guy led them into the storage room. He said the victim girl went there that afternoon, so perhaps they would find clues. Their climb on the stairs was quiet and careful. Kris could tell the reception guy was nervous upon their arrival for investigation, but he didn’t think it was him who killed the girl.
Joonmyun was stiff behind him. From the bags under his eyes, Kris could tell that he didn’t get any more sleep that he was getting. Still, Joonmyun tried to appear professional, and Kris appreciated that.
“It’s here,” the reception guy said. He pulled out a key and unlocked the door for them.
Kris glanced at Joonmyun, readying his gun. Joonmyun had his gun ready as well. He nodded his head, gesturing towards the door. Kris took the sign and slipped into the room carefully. He didn’t want to surprise anyone in the storage room that could be the unsub. By any chance, surprise entrance could make him run away instead.
They ventured inside the storage room. Kris took an extra look behind the archive shelves. No one was there.
“Clear,” he announced to Joonmyun, who was nowhere near him. He pulled back and looked for Joonmyun. He found his partner standing over a table. “Looks like someone has been living here,” he said, looking at the half empty cup of coffee.
“Kris?” Joonmyun called. “Look what I’ve found.”
Kris joined him. They were looking at pages filled with pictures of all of the victims and their strands of hair.
“It’s like a scrapbook,” Joonmyun murmured, flipping off the pages. “So this is what the trophies are for.”
Kris looked around. “He also gets the perfect view of the blocks. This way he could watch everything that’s happening around the building,” he said. He turned towards the reception guy, who was pretty much at loss seeing their foundings. “Do you know who lived here?”
“Yeah. It’s Tanner, our night guy. He called in for a family emergency and I had to cover his shift.”
Joonmyun filed in the scrapbook carefully. “Let’s call the others here. Looks like we’ve found the killer.”
--
The monitor they found in the storage room was actually connected to a surveillance camera in the living room of Tanner’s pregnant wife. It was showing the live video of what was happening in the house.
“Their first child was unborn. Tanner’s wife blamed him for being unable to protect their child. She said he hadn’t proved himself to be a reliable father. They broke up, and the wife stayed with her brother. Tanner got a job in the apartment building and decided he needed to prove to his wife that he could protect his children just well. That’s why he kept pictures in the scrapbook; it was so he could prove himself to his wife.”
Kris nodded to the phone, even though the receiver in the other end couldn’t see him. “I and Joonmyun are heading to his house. Chanyeol gave the coordinate earlier.”
“We have sent you backup units. They will arrive short after you,” Amber informed him. “Oh, and, Kris?”
“Yeah?”
“Please be careful. The baby is due today. We have sent an ambulance too, just in case.”
“Got it.”
He pressed down on the gas after he shut the call down, intending to drive faster to the house.
“What did Amber say?” Joonmyun asked from the passenger seat next to him.
“Basically our unsub is under illusion that he is a protector of the apartment block, and he collected the pictures so he could prove his wife that he is a good protector. We also need to be careful, the baby is due today.”
Joonmyun fell silent. Kris couldn’t look at his face but he could feel his worry.
Kris took a glance at the younger guys. “Did I say something wrong?”
“Nothing,” Joonmyun shook his head lightly. “I just… I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind.”
“Joonmyun…”
“Sometimes I wonder, how would it feel to be unable to control our mind? How would it feel to lose control over our own self? It would feel scary, of course. And I’m scared, Kris. I’m scared that sometimes in the future I would, too.”
Kris pulled a hand from the steering wheel to pat Joonmyun’s thigh gently. “You won’t, Joonmyun. You won’t lose control of yourself. You are not your mother, okay? Right now you are BAU agent Joonmyun Kim, a doctorate, specializing in multiple fields because you are a genius. Give yourself some credit, come on.”
Joonmyun didn’t reply, but the hand that hesitantly covered Kris’ on his thigh seemed to reassure him enough not to worry.
Soon they arrive at the house. Kris quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and get off the car. Joonmyun followed him close as they walked to the porch of the house, guns at ready. He didn’t wait for any signal before he kicked the door open and entered the house.
“Drop the knife,” he commanded to Tanner, who was now thrusting a knife in front of his wife’s neck. He apparently thought of taking her as hostage. “Drop it down.”
“Tanner, think about what you’re doing,” Joonmyun cut in. He dropped his hand down. “If you do that, your new child will just die like your previous son. You don’t want to hurt the baby, don’t you?”
“The baby is coming out,” Tanner’s wife complained. She groaned in pain.
“No!” Tanner seemed persistent. Kris just had to get him away from his wife so he could at least shoot his shoulder and take him down. “I can protect the child. The baby would live under my eyes.”
“Tanner-“ Joonmyun sounded frustrated. He was now walking very slowly to reach the couple. The wife obviously needed help very badly, and while the ambulance hadn’t arrived to help her, Joonmyun was the only one in the room with medical knowledge. “Calm yourself down. I’m going to help your wife and you are not going to kill her.”
“No!” Tanner moved his hand quickly that Kris hesitated if he should pull the trigger or not. If he misfired then he would lose two lives not just one.
Then there was a sound of a gun being fired and Tanner went down.
Kris was sure he was not the one who pulled the trigger.
When he looked to the window across the room, he saw Amber there just lowering her gun. He nodded to her, feeling grateful. He immediately went to Tanner’s body and checked his breathing. He was still alive; Amber didn’t shoot any vital point.
The sound of baby crying broke his concentration on cuffing Tanner’s hands. He looked up to see Joonmyun holding a freshly born baby. Joonmyun was smiling fondly at the baby, and Kris’ heart lurched at the sight.
It wasn’t long until the sound of both the police and medics came. Kris got up to help Amber bringing the wife to the ambulance for quick help while Joonmyun handled the baby to a waiting nurse. The nurse thanked him for taking immediate action, and Joonmyun shook his head. Minseok and Lu Han came, brought a wailing Tanner out of the house and into the police car.
When Kris got back to the house to make sure that everything was in order, he found Joonmyun still standing in the same spot. His hands were covered in the wife’s blood, and his eyes were drawn out.
“Joonmyun,” Kris called out, approaching him. The younger didn’t respond at all. Sighing, he pulled out a clean handkerchief he always carried along with him and unfolded it. He took Joonmyun’s hand in, and started to wipe the blood off Joonmyun’s palm gently. “You did great back then, you know,” he said. The blood was starting to dry off so he had to scrub on a few spots.
“You don’t need to do this,” Joonmyun said in a soft voice.
Kris didn’t look up. Somehow he found how interesting Joonmyun’s fingers were as he cleaned them up. “I want to.”
It surprised Kris when Joonmyun curled up his fingers around the handkerchief, stopping him from cleaning. He took a worried glance at the silent man. Joonmyun was staring at the messy tangle of their hands, his expression unreadable. Kris had to lower his head for a better view.
“Hey.”
Joonmyun finally looked up. He looked sad, with his lips tightly pressed and slightly curved up. Then it occurred to Kris that perhaps this case they had been working on might shake the younger man more than any of the team personnel.
“It will be okay, you know? The baby will grow up just like the other normal kids; his wife would at least ensure that. All parents want the best for their kids,” Kris said. He reached out with a hand that hadn’t been stained with the blood from Joonmyun’s hand and brushed a few wild strands of hair on Joonmyun’s forehead. “Just like you.”
Joonmyun closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. He willed himself to sort his feelings up. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Minseok came in to tell them to be in time for the interrogation.
--
A week of rest they got for solving another crime went really fast. Kris used the opportunity to fly to Canada to watch his favorite team on basketball match. He knew Chanyeol would spend his time in front of his multi-screen pc and play multiple games. Minseok and Lu Han would probably visit their families, while Amber and Krystal had already planned to go hiking together. It was Joonmyun he didn’t know about.
It was Sunday, the last rest day they got. Kris spent the morning tending the plants he had in his garden and noon shopping groceries like normal people would do. He drove to his favorite coffee shop to get a cup of iced americano before he drove back to his house. He refilled the empty refrigerator with the stuffs he bought from the store in exactly the arrangement his mother taught him since he was a child.
After he took a refreshing shower, he headed to the kitchen to cook himself some food to eat while watching some Star Wars movie he saved for his last day of holiday. He missed watching movies. He used to watch a lot before he got into the FBI.
When he was taking out eggs to fry, the doorbell rang.
He put the eggs on the kitchen counter before he rushed to the door.
“Joonmyun?” Kris tried to hide his surprise when the door was opened and the younger man showed up.
Joonmyun was wearing a long sleeved shirt despite the warm weather. He looked much calmer than Kris last saw him before the break. He had cut his hair short, brightening up his face just even more.
“Hi,” Joonmyun flashed him a smile. It looked sweet.
“Hey,” he replied, suddenly remembering where they were. “Come in. I was just about to cook dinner.”
Joonmyun made a soft laugh when he passed by Kris at the door. “Why is it that every time I visit you’re always cooking?”
“You come just right in time.” Kris couldn’t help but patted his hair. He had wanted to do that for a while. “Did you cut your hair?” He asked, partially as an excuse to the patting.
“Yeah. I was trying a fresher look.”
Kris nodded. “It’s good. Is fried rice okay?”
“Anything is okay,” Joonmyun replied, following Kris to the kitchen. He ran his fingers along the edge of the dining table, looking hesitant. He tilted his head slightly, “Do you want me to help?”
“Just sit there and wait nicely.” Kris gestured to the chair on Joonmyun’s left. It’s the chair he rarely used.
Joonmyun raised his eyebrows, but he didn’t ask any questions. “Okay,” he said, pulling the chair before he sat on it. Kris left him to cook, feeling a bit guilty but determined to make a good dinner for both of them.
It didn’t take long for him to finish the fried rice. It was, afterall, his specialty. He brought the plates to the dining table that Joonmyun had diligently cleaned and arranged up. Joonmyun looked actually delighted when he saw the food, and it relieved Kris somehow. Of course he didn’t want to disappoint anyone by his cooking; least of them Joonmyun.
“How was your break?” Kris asked between his third and fourth spoon of the fried rice.
“It went well,” Joonmyun smiled up at him. He had to finish chewing before he replied properly. “I heard you went to Canada. How was the game?”
Kris shrugged. “Great. My team didn’t win, but it was a good game. I didn’t regret it.”
“I went to visit my mum,” Joonmyun said suddenly, eyes trained on his plate. “At the sanitarium,” he added.
Joonmyun had once said that his mother was currently residing in a mental institution. He frequently wrote to his mother about things, but he never visited. He said it was because he was busy, but Kris thought there would be more reason behind that.
“Oh?” Kris didn’t hide his surprise. “How was she?”
“She looked good. The nurse said she was getting better. She took the medicine well and never missed on a therapy.” The way Joonmyun talked about her mother was something Kris never saw in him. It was full of fondness, unlike the other times he talked about her. “It was awkward at first. Then I told her that I live well, and I gave her a book. She looked happy. She is always happy whenever I give her new books.”
Kris smiled. “You sound so happy about it.”
“I am,” Joonmyun smiled back. “I’m glad I made the trip.”
“You should visit her more,” he said, but Joonmyun shook his head.
“It’s better this way,” Joonmyun pushed the little cucumbers blocks away with his fork. His lips were pursed upwards. They fell into a sudden silence. Kris didn’t ask further; if Joonmyun didn’t want to talk about it, he wouldn’t press the subject.
He changed the topic instead. They talked about more of their trips and their colleagues’. Kris asked Joonmyun about his favorite food, for future reference, and Joonmyun asked him about his favorite book. They ended up talking about movies and Kris invited him for the Star Wars movie he was about to watch. Joonmyun was actually a big fan, and he agreed to stay. The way his face lightened up when he asked him made Kris felt giddy inside.
Joonmyun insisted on helping cleaning the dishes. Kris tried to deny but Joonmyun knew how to be persistent and irresistible. Kris gave up and lent him the apron so the water wouldn’t splash on his nice clothes-not like Kris noticed that they were, indeed, nice.
But Joonmyun in apron was really cute and Kris wouldn’t mind seeing it everyday.
He escorted the younger to the living room with wine bottle in his right hand and two glasses in his left hand. Joonmyun laughed as he settled down on the couch, Kris pouring down the wine for both of them like a good waiter. Joonmyun praised him jokingly, and Kris played along to it. He liked the sound of Joonmyun’s laughter, and it felt like he would do anything to keep him hearing that sound.
After pressing the play button, Kris easily settled down next to Joonmyun. The tiny gap between them was mostly intentional. Joonmyun was warm afterall, and it was kind of cold in there.
Joonmyun didn’t mind, though. He was very relaxed, leaning onto the couch like he was always a part of it. Kris started to think if Joonmyun was actually a part of his life. The strong attraction and longing he felt for the younger man was something he never experienced before, not even for Victoria.
Perhaps it was Joonmyun’s soft hair and round eyes and plump lips and thin waist, and-his everything.
Somewhere in the middle of the movie, Joonmyun gasped. It brought Kris back from his musing. He should feel ashamed, for he was the one who asked to watch the movie and he ended up being the one spacing out during it. He wanted to laugh, really. No one had ever driven him this crazy before.
“Aren’t you watching?” Joonmyun’s voice startled him. The younger man was staring up at him in curiosity.
“I was distracted,” Kris said honestly, “by you.” He added when Joonmyun raised an eyebrow. It was cute.
The faint shade of red that spread on Joonmyun’s cheeks was really pretty. The fact that it was him who caused the blush made Kris even happier. His heart was thumping loudly, nervous of what Joonmyun would react to his words. He had actually no plan to go forward because the other man might want to have a peace with his mind. But Kris didn’t mind waiting, if he really should.
“Why?” Joonmyun asked softly, but his features were tense.
“You are…” Kris said distractingly. A lot of words came up to his mind, but none seemed right. “You are here,” he finally said.
“I am here,” Joonmyun repeated. He looked hesitated.
Kris smiled. “You are here. That’s enough.”
Joonmyun, surprisingly, smiled back. He moved his hand and rested it on Kris’ thigh. It was like he was reminding him of his presence. It was comforting. Kris found that he liked the warmth of Joonmyun’s palm against the fabric of his pants.
Kris put his hand over Joonmyun’s and laced their fingers together. They sort of fit each other, like they were belonged to each other. He leant closer so their shoulders bump into each other. It was warmer this way, comfortable, too.
He turned his head to Joonmyun to talk about his plan after work tomorrow. It would be good if they could go to the Italian restaurant just a few blocks away from the office.
“Hey-“
“Uh-“
Joonmyun looked like he was about to say something, too. His eyes were wide from surprise. It must have caught him off guard.
“Did you say something?”
But Kris didn’t say anything. He leaned right in and closed the gap between their lips. It was something he had wanted to do from the start. Joonmyun’s tempting rosy lips didn’t help either. He had always imagined their kiss would be something sweet; slow and assuring.
It was nothing like that.
There was no sparks like they have been described in the romance novels his mother used to read in his childhood, but it wasn’t bad either. Joonmyun was rather clumsy, but Kris knew he was trying hard. He appreciated that. It was pleasant, actually.
Joonmyun hesitated a lot, and Kris had to do the first move a lot of times. But he didn’t mind. He liked kissing him.
When they part, Joonmyun chuckled, “The movie is still playing.” His fingers played along with Kris’.
“It’s okay. I have watched it before.” Kris shrugged.
“But it’s Star Wars!” He laughed. It sounded freer than Kris had ever heard.
It was like something in Joonmyun had been switched on the moment their lips met.
“You are such a nerd,” he joked. He put his arm around Joonmyun’s shoulders and pulled him closer so his head rested on his shoulder. Joonmyun turned to hide his face in Kris’ arm. He could feel the younger man smiling against the sleeve of his t-shirt.
“Thank you for being here,” Joonmyun said softly. His fingers were clenching on Kris’ shirt. “Thank you for being real.”
Kris smiled. He gave a small peck on the corner of Joonmyun’s lips. “We are real. Don’t worry.”