Un Esprit Libre [1/3]
❇ Title: Un Esprit Libre [1/3] for everyone
❇ Pairing: Chanyeol-centric (including brief past!Baekhyun/Chanyeol, Chanyeol/female!OC, Chanyeol/Xiumin), Jongdae/Junmyeon, one-sided!Jongdae/Sehun, ninja!Sehun/Taemin
❇ Rating: R
❇ Length: 10,710 words
❇ Warnings: mention of homophobia, sexual contents
❇ Author’s Note: writing this has been a great and a dear experience for me. The prompt was perfect, and I have so many ideas that I wanted to include inside, which sadly couldn’t because of limited time, unexpected crash from my laptop, and skills (but I hope you will enjoy the story as much as I enjoyed writing it!)
Lastly, this story is dedicated to my friend T who came out of his closet two years ago and who also helped making the title. I love you, T! And to my dearest recipient, thank you so much for the wonderful prompt, and I hope you’ll like what I have here for you.
❇ Summary: It was supposed to be a joke, but somehow it ended up with Chanyeol coming out of his closet and a called off wedding.
Chanyeol stealthily walked into his room with a camera in his hand, and he carefully set it to recording mode before he placed it on the sofa near the closet.
His girlfriend had just finished showering and was now dressing up in the room, and Chanyeol knew she’d open her jewelry box in any minute. She’d be surprised, he hoped, although he wondered how she’d really react when she saw her usual ring had been replaced with an engagement ring Chanyeol bought a month ago. He hoped whatever she did would be good enough and worthy to be recorded, and they could laugh over it later when they’re old and all grey.
(The thought of growing old together with a woman he had grown to love and care made him smile and excited, as today was also the day he had waited for six months. He surely didn’t want to forget a moment.)
Fixing his slightly mussed hair, he laughed quietly to himself when his girlfriend, Subin, shot him a confused look from where she stood buttoning her shirt.
“Why are you smiling to yourself like that?”
“Nothing,” Chanyeol shrugged. “I’m just feeling happy and excited today.”
“Happy and excited,” Subin noted and raised her eyebrows before she finally laughed it off. “You always are though, so I’m not surprised. I’ll be surprised if you tell me you’re sad.”
“How can I be sad when I have you by my side,” Chanyeol grinned and Subin pretended to throw up. “You make me happy, you make me-”
“Chanyeol, please,” Subin raised her hand and laughed, her skirt was still not properly zipped up. “Stop it. You’re being too cheesy and sappy, and you know how I feel about that.”
Chanyeol laughed and nodded, knowing way too well how much Subin hated to be sweet talked to. “I know, I know, you’re so not romantic. Girls love being sweet talked to, you know.”
“Not me,” Subin shrugged as she pulled out her jewelry box, and Chanyeol’s pulse quickened. “I’m not like those girls, I don’t like being sweet-”
She looked down to the jewelry box in her hand and stood frozen, and whatever she was about to say was immediately forgotten.
“What,” she looked at Chanyeol, who was no longer sitting on the sofa but was kneeling before her instead, and she struggled to find a word. “Why the ring’s changed-”
“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps some tall handsome guy replaced your ring with that pretty one last night. I heard he wanted to marry you.”
Subin laughed although her eyes had begun to water and took the ring out, giving it to Chanyeol. “Well, then tell that tall handsome guy to ask me now. I’m a busy woman, you know.”
“Well, busy woman,” Chanyeol grinned as he took her hand into his and held the ring up with the other hand. “Will you marry this tall, handsome, and happy guy? I know this isn’t the most ideal way to propose, but you’ve always been different from the other girls. You don’t like sappy romantic things, and I like that the most about you; because it made things easier for me to plan this.” Subin rolled her eyes and chuckled as Chanyeol continued on.
“And you’ve been with me for five years, you know. I think it’s time to let this tall, handsome, and happy guy to be your husband. And make you happy. And perhaps to make babies with! But later, of course, when you are ready for some tall kids running around.”
Subin laughed and Chanyeol smiled, tracing her soft knuckles with his thumb. “So, my beloved Gong Subin, will you marry me?”
Subin laughed louder and nodded, and Chanyeol didn’t miss how her eyes watered even more. “Alright, of course, yes, I do. I’d love to married a tall, handsome, and happy guy like you.”
“You made the right decision miss busy,” Chanyeol grinned and slid the ring to her finger, and stood up to hug her. “I promise you won’t regret it.”
Subin laughed but her voice cracked and hid her face onto Chanyeol’s nape. “I’ll hold on to your promise, tall, handsome, and happy guy.”
“You won’t be disappointed, miss.”
Chanyeol laughed along and enjoyed the sweet moment he shared with his now-fiancée in the warmth of their room. It was perfect, and he felt like it was the happiest moment of his life so far. He was sure he made the right (and the best) decision to marry her.
After all, they had been together for five years and almost all of their friends were already married, and he just can’t wait another year to finally start a family of his own. It was always his dream to be a father. So it was the only right thing to do, right?
(He honestly didn’t know the answer, and didn’t want to think about it too much, because the moment he shared with his fiancée was too good to be ruined with such simple question. It was no time to be insecure or afraid of the future, he decided, he had a lovely woman by his side after all.
He was also hopeful that by marrying her he could mend his broken relationship with his father-because his father witnessed something that should not be witnessed when he was 15-completely and made his father proud of him.)
//
“You proposed to Subin,” Jongin said for the tenth times since Chanyeol broke the news to his friends a half hour ago. “You’re getting married.”
“I did say that a half hour ago,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and passed the soju to Sehun. “Are you slow or are you just slow.”
“He just can’t believe you want to get married.” Sehun butted in and calmly downed his soju in one shot. “He’s been complaining about how moody his wife is during her pregnancy, you know. He said he didn’t get married for that.”
“Well obviously I didn’t,” Jongin groused and kicked Sehun’s leg from under the table. “I don’t get how a lovely woman like Gayun could be so evil like that. But hey, that beside the point! Why are we talking about me? We’re supposed to talk about Chanyeol, dumbass.”
“What do you want to talk about,” Chanyeol raised his brows and cringed after downing more soju. “How I proposed to her?”
“No, because that would be like watching a sappy romance movie with Gayun,” Jongin said and barely managed to dodge a slap at the back of his head from Chanyeol. “I want to know why you decided to get married.”
“Well,” Chanyeol licked his lips, suddenly nervous from the intense stare his two friends were giving him. “I want to settle down, you know, and we’ve been together for five years anyway…”
Chanyeol trailed off and downed another shot of soju. “I love her, okay. I want to grow old with her. And you know how much I want to be a father!”
“That’s so sappy and disgusting,” Sehun made a face and ate his sweet sauced pork. “But if that made you happy then why not. I won’t judge. I just don’t get why you’re so obsessed to be a father, honestly. Children are problematic.”
“Well, I want to! And children are not problematic, Sehun. I love children and I want to be a father. Besides, if marriage and being a father doesn’t make you happy, what makes you happy then?” Chanyeol countered, feeling annoyed that he was being targeted. Weren’t they supposed to be happy for him? “I never see you with anyone.”
“Does Subin even want to be a mother,” Sehun retorted with a calm demeanor but obviously raging inside, downing a shot of soju and for the first time he winced. “And I know what makes me happy. It’s not marriage or children, but at least I’m being real to myself. Unlike you.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Chanyeol glared and slammed his glass down on the table. “And why the fuck are you being like this? Aren’t you supposed to be, I don’t know, happy for me?”
Sehun didn’t answer, downing another shot instead, and the silence was spine chilling. Chanyeol was seething and he wanted nothing but to punch the younger’s face.
“Okay boys, that’s enough interviews for today,” Jongin broke the silence and poured more soju to their shot glasses, laughing nervously. “Calm down now, let’s drink instead and plan for your bachelor party, Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol was still raging mad but breathed before he spoke, “But I haven’t even planned the wedding with Subin.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Jongin scoffed and waved it off. “Bachelor party is more important. I’m serious. It’s the best part of getting hitched.”
“The best part for you,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and leaned back to the chair. “Well then, go ahead and plan my bachelor party.”
“It is, you’ll understand it when you’re married,” Jongin shook his head and rolled his eyes back at Chanyeol. “You’re practically still single now so you don’t. Whatever. Now, for the bachelor party, the most important thing is to have a good entertainer.”
“Leave the entertainer part for me, Jongin,” Sehun said and smirked before his shot. “I’ll get the best dancer you could have.”
“Okay, whatever,” Jongin nodded and pulled out a little black notebook from his jacket. “For the place, I think it will be best if we celebrate it in a bar or something.”
Chanyeol nodded as Jongin planned his bachelor party, once or twice looking over to Sehun who stayed silent, drinking and eating without looking back to him for once. Chanyeol wondered what the younger meant by being real before. But he didn’t linger on the thought too long, especially not with Jongin who kept demanding for his attention to his brilliant plan of a bachelor party.
//
After rounds of shots and endless plates of sweet sauced pork, Chanyeol finally went home at 1 a.m.
Back in his apartment, Subin was lying down on the couch with a book on her hands and her hair was tied up into a small bun. He studied her silently from the hall, quiet to make no sound, trailing all her curves and edges as she mumbled the thing she was reading. She was beautiful, he noted, as he put his shoes on the rack, her hair glowed in the dim light of the room and her eyes were as sparkling and bright even behind the glasses she wore. He walked closer and stopped right beside the couch where her head was resting and leaned down to give a kiss on her forehead.
“Hi, Subin.”
She looked up smiling, cupping Chanyeol’s face with her delicate hands and pulling him down for another kiss. Her lips were soft and plump, Chanyeol recorded it to his memory as he pulled her body up and trailed his hands down her curve, and she tasted sweet, sweet, so sweet. She moaned quietly against his lips, and then everything blurred, the edges of her body running together with the light from the city skyline streaming in from the window, orange and red and white, fragments of color patching her skin. She was mesmerizing and Chanyeol couldn’t get enough of her beauty.
“Hi Chanyeol,” she greeted as she pulled back, slightly panting, her cheeks flushed, “been waiting for you to come home.”
“Really,” he said and leaned down to kiss her lips again, smiling. “I’m glad to know a beautiful woman like you been waiting for me.”
“Oh, cut it, you sap,” she rolled her eyes and pulled him down to the couch before straddling him. “Just get to the main part already.”
Chanyeol rolled his eyes, “Can’t be a bit romantic, can you?”
“Nope,” Subin laughed and wrapped her arms around Chanyeol’s neck, leaning closer until their nose touched. “This is already romantic for me. Besides, who cares about romantic if we can have a good fuck, now?”
“You’re kinky,” Chanyeol laughed, suddenly feeling small and nervous in front of Subin. “But let’s not do it here though, I feel more comfortable in bed.”
Subin rolled her eyes yet again but nodded before leaning down for a chaste kiss. “Whatever you want, you big baby.”
Chanyeol wanted to say, “Not my fault that you’re too impish for me,” but decided against it because he didn’t want the mood to change to somber. He remembered what happened when he did say it once to Subin because he couldn’t accept being called a sap-it had ended badly. Sure, he liked how independent Subin is all the time, but it also made him iffy when she acted like there was nothing more but physical reaction when they were together like this. He wondered if he was truly a sap or if Subin was just being…painfully her. What was so wrong with being romantic once in a while, after all?
It was hard to understand what Subin wanted, sometimes (most of the times).
//
Morning came too soon the next day, and groggily, Chanyeol dismissed the alarm before falling back to bed. It was too early, way too early to start the day. Subin was still deep in slumber next to him and he wasn’t in the mood to fight with her-Subin could be really annoying if you try to wake her up-so he slowly got up from the bed to shower and prepared some breakfast for them.
He prepared a plate of bacon and eggs with pancakes and earl grey tea for Subin, knowing how obsessed she was with American (or English) breakfast, but prepared simpler Korean traditional dish for himself. She loved to live the European or American lifestyle, indulged with sophistication, and Chanyeol just went along with it. Whatever Subin wants, he’d always said. As long as she’s happy, he’d always said.
“Chanyeol,” he turned around and smiled to Subin, who was leaning over the banisters, looking sleepy and adorable with nothing but his shirt. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“It was too early for a fight,” Subin rolled her eyes and Chanyeol laughed. “And I wanted to cook you breakfast again today.”
“So sweet of you,” Subin smiled and walked down the steps, her fingers tapping on the railing rhythmically. “Is it my favorite American breakfast?”
“Of course,” Chanyeol smiled and leaned down to land a chaste kiss on her lips. “It’s your choice of breakfast every single day.”
“That’s why people called it favorite meal, Chanyeol,” Subin sighed exasperatedly as she sat down and sipped her tea. “Oh, right, I forgot to tell you that I called mom last night. She went ballistic when I told her you proposed to me, you know, and it was crazy. I believe everyone knows about our engagement by now. I mean, you know my mom.”
“I know,” Chanyeol grinned and sipped his black coffee, finishing his remaining meals. “I’m glad she’s happy for us.”
“Of course she is,” Subin grinned back, “she’s crazy about you.”
“The same like you’re crazy about me,” Chanyeol laughed and barely dodged the butter Subin thrown at him. “Anyway, it’s already 7:30; you need to take a shower now if you don’t want to be late again. I’ll take my leave first.”
Chanyeol rose from his seat and leaned down to peck her lips, “See you later.”
“See you,” Subin said as he walked to the hall, taking his briefcase on his way and stopping in front of the mirror to fix his hair. “And, Chanyeol?”
“Yeah?”
“I think you should tell your father,” she paused and Chanyeol swallowed the lump in his throat, quickly wearing his coat. “About us, you know. He deserves to know.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said distractedly and took the tacky blue umbrella Subin bought him. “I’ll go see him today. Bye.”
(He didn’t mean what he said.)
//
He arrived at the office shortly 30 minutes later, greeting and bowing politely to his colleagues and seniors although none of them seemed to care much about his presence. They either greeted politely back or walked pass him without a single care. One even went as far as bumping his shoulder and kept walking. Rude, but it didn’t matter. At least he wasn’t being a prick like them.
Sighing, he turned left to the elevators and stopped on his track when he met with a pair of eyes he hadn’t seen for so long.
“Chanyeol,” the other person beamed and walked to him in five big steps before pulling him down for an awkward hug. “Long time no see! How have you been?”
“Oh,” the elevator dinged and Chanyeol nervously licked his lips, somewhat desperate to get away. “Good, I’m good,” he found himself saying and smiling hesitantly, “how about you, Baekhyun? It’s been a long time.”
“I’m good, good,” Baekhyun was still beaming and it was just suffocating to stand near him, Chanyeol thought as he took a step back. “I work here now. Only starting, but I’m sure it will be a great work experience because you’re here too! I’m happy to know that, although I’ve expected to see you here.”
“You have expected to see me here?”
“Yeah, of course,” Baekhyun grinned, his mouth becoming square and it was getting harder for Chanyeol to breathe. “It’s your father’s company, no?”
“Oh, right,” Chanyeol nodded, unconsciously swinging his arms, a habit he taken whenever he feels nervous. “It’s my father’s, but no one knows, so I’ll appreciate it if you don’t tell.”
“Oh, I won’t, don’t worry,” Baekhyun made a zipping gesture on his mouth, looking cute and he was still smiling Chanyeol wanted to push him away. Another elevator dinged. “Let’s go up together.”
Chanyeol gulped, nodding, and walked right behind the smaller man. Baekhyun still looked the same as he was years, years ago, and the only thing that changed from him was the way he walked. He no longer swayed his hips when he walked, or exaggeratedly pushed up his bottom. He looked…oddly normal and slightly less him. He wondered if Baekhyun was really doing alright or if something happened after the incident when they were both 15.
(He shook his head. No, don’t even try to remember, Chanyeol.)
Not wanting to remember the past, especially not when he was about to work, he looked up and saw the crowds in front of the elevator. It seemed to be even more crowded than the usual today. Some of his colleagues were present but he couldn’t find his usual day saver Jongdae there. They usually go up together, remembering that they work on the same level and even next to each other, and all this time Jongdae had saved him from being fired from his own father’s company.
(It’s perhaps why Chanyeol had grown a habit of being saved by Jongdae, and wished Jongdae to be the only one who knows that he’s the son of the CEO.)
Baekhyun was still beside him and standing a bit too close for his comfort so when an elevator dinged open, he quickly stepped inside, wishing to be far away possible from the smaller male. But unlucky for him, as soon as he got inside, a crowd followed in and he was pressed to the back of elevator by a big, middle-aged man that he guessed his senior who fortunately had hair that smell like a pile of waste. Chanyeol had hard time breathing and wished he was pressed by Baekhyun instead. Perhaps it would be easier, and definitely smelled nicer.
(Or perhaps not but who cared.)
“-I heard that CEO’s daughter has just given birth yesterday, and it’s a boy. I bet-”
“Chanyeol,” Chanyeol shrieked and everyone looked at him funny, whilst the one calling him was looking at him with a hint of amusement on his face. “Uh, sorry, didn’t mean to surprise you like that. But is it true that your sister has given birth?”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol straightened up the best he could in such cramped place and cleared his throat, at the same time wondering how Baekhyun managed to stand beside him again. “No, actually I don’t know. But maybe, she’s married and all that after all.”
“You don’t know? How come?”
“No, I don’t know,” he bit his lips and almost cried in relief when he was met with a pair of feline eyes, looking right at him from the corner. “It’s, it’s complicated, Baekhyun. Things changed after…after that. My family…we aren’t the same like we were back then.”
The elevator dinged and Chanyeol breathed again when he saw the familiar red ‘27’ on the screen. “It’s my stop,” he nodded politely to Baekhyun, “I guess I’ll…see you around.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Baekhyun’s voice cracked slightly, “of course. I’ll see you around, Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol tried hard not to look back and let the doors closed behind him until he remembered how to move again. It was in the past Chanyeol, he reassured himself, you will be alright. He inhaled deeply and looked up to see Jongdae was already beside him, resting a hand on his forearm and looking at him with knowing eyes.
“It was him, wasn’t it,” Jongdae paused, “the guy from the past?”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol fixed his tie and walked inside their office. “He is, was, I don’t know. I don’t want to know.”
“It’s alright, Chanyeol,” Jongdae said lowly with a hesitant smile ghosting his lips. “You are no longer 15. You will be alright. You’re a man of your own now.”
Chanyeol nodded, but he didn’t understand what Jongdae was talking about. All he knew he just needed distraction from the image of Baekhyun’s rectangular smile and how warm his body was when they stood close to each other.
No, he thought. He was no longer 15.
//
“So I’ve decided where to hold your bachelor party-”
Chanyeol groaned and played with his sticky notes, scribbling down ‘hello’ until the paper was full of it.
(He didn’t know what’s the point of writing thousand ‘hello’ on the paper, but it was a habit he taken since he was little, writing down ‘hello’ on every blank paper he found.)
“-and Sehun has hired a dancer, so it’s covered, and damn it Chanyeol! Are you even listening to me?”
“I’m listening,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and write another ‘hello’ on a blank spot he found. “My bachelor party will be held at Apollo and you invited only my close friends so there will be only six guests, and Sehun has hired a dancer. And you talked some things about great party blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I’m listening.”
“Five guests, six people including you. And for fuck’s sake, listen to me for once, will you? Sehun and I worked-”
Chanyeol sighed and plucked the sticky note full with scribbled ‘hello’ to stick it somewhere and started writing more ‘hello’ on another sticky note.
“-appreciate our hard work, we-”
Writing another, he honestly didn’t know why he was so obsessed with the word that he wrote it everywhere. Perhaps because the word meant so many things and commonly used as a greeting, he didn’t know. Or perhaps he just liked to write the word because his hand is already so familiar with it, he didn’t know either.
(Hello, hallo, hullo, I hear you.)
“-Park Chanyeol!”
“Yes!”
“Are you listening to me?!”
“Yes,” Chanyeol cleared his throat when he realized people were looking at him. “No, I don’t. Sorry.”
“I knew it, you never listen. Bitch. Anyway, come to Lucy’s after work today. Bring Jongdae along. Bye.”
“Oho, was that my long lost brother Jongin?”
Chanyeol looked up to where Jongdae was leaning over his cubicle, holding his temperature mug that changed color if the drink is hot. He was grinning and for a second Chanyeol was sure that Jongdae and Jongin were actually brothers.
“Yeah,” he finally nodded, “your long lost brother called to talk about my bachelor party.”
“Bachelor party, you’re getting married?” Jongdae asked and Chanyeol widened his eyes in horror. Crap, he forgot. “And you didn’t tell me?”
“Uh, I was going to tell you today? Surprise?”
Jongdae narrowed his eyes and Chanyeol grinned nervously. “You forgot me.”
“No, I didn’t,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and Jongdae glared harder at him. “Fine, I forgot, but if this makes you feel better I haven’t told my family either. Oh, and we’re going out to Lucy’s with Sehun and Jongin tonight.”
“No place like Lucy’s, eh,” Jongdae sipped his coffee, still glaring at Chanyeol, before he sighed and put down his mug on Chanyeol’s table. “You wash that for me, and go talk to your father. He deserves to know.”
“No, wash it yourself or I’ll smash it to pieces.”
(And I don’t want to talk to my father.)
//
It was 5 p.m. and Chanyeol had all of his works done a half hour earlier. He could go home now if he wanted to, but he had to wait for Jongdae since they were going to hang out together. Deciding he would need a cup of coffee, he walked to the dispenser at the corner and pressed ‘black coffee’, adding a spoon of cream so it wouldn’t be too bitter.
He often got teased by his friends for doing so, especially Sehun, who would always grimace in distaste and talked high of his ‘exquisite taste’ in coffee. He imagined Sehun would say something like, “That must taste horrible. I can’t imagine drinking that.” with a sneer, but Chanyeol didn’t care anyway. He liked his coffee with cream.
After the coffee was done brewing, he walked back to his cubicle and played with his sticky notes again, once in a while checking his phone for new messages, or a reminder Subin left for him. He would also steal a glance to Jongdae’s desk once in a while, checking if he was still working or not. Jongdae could be really slow, sometimes.
“Chanyeol,” he jumped on his seat and dropped his pen, and Jongdae rolled his eyes from beside him. “You’re stupid. Anyway, I’m going to the restroom first. Need to pee.”
“Alright, you better come back in five minutes or I’ll burn down your desk.”
“Haha, very funny.”
Jongdae rolled his eyes (again!) and walked away, leaving Chanyeol alone with his sticky notes and thousands ‘hello’ scribbled on the paper. Sighing, he collected all of his used sticky notes and crumpled it to one, before he threw it to the bin a meter away from him. It missed. Bitch, he thought.
He half-heartedly got up from his seat and walked over to the bin, picking up the crumpled paper and throwing it away properly this time. He was bending down when he spotted Junmyeon, a junior supervisor who had helped him a lot when he first worked here, walked in a hurry to the restroom direction. Chanyeol chuckled, must be dying there.
Feeling mischievous, he followed Junmyeon to the restroom quietly, wanting to surprise him from behind, only to be surprised himself when he turned right to witness Junmyeon kissing Jongdae against the wall.
“What the fuck?”
“Chanyeol!” Jongdae gasped, pushing Junmyeon away, and he spluttered, gaping like a dying fish whilst Junmyeon looked away with a reddened face. “I, I can explain. It’s-”
“You’re gay?”
Jongdae bit his lips and held up a hand, begging Chanyeol not to say anything more. “Listen, Chanyeol, we-”
“You’re fucking gay,” Chanyeol hissed and he felt sick, whether from the sight of his two friends kissing or something else, he didn’t know. “You and Junmyeon are gays. What the fuck, I work with gays.”
Jongdae looked pained and his eyes watered, but Chanyeol couldn’t find it in himself to say anything better to his friend. “Chanyeol, are you really going to be like this?”
“The fuck, Jongdae,” Chanyeol laughed hollowly and shook his head, turning away. “Don’t consider yourself my friend again. I’m leaving.”
He heard Jongdae gasp behind him and he knew Junmyeon was at the verge of punching him senseless right then and there, but he didn’t care. He felt sick and he didn’t know what to do. Perhaps he was just being stupid. He didn’t know.
(He didn’t know, he didn’t know, and he didn’t want to know.)
//
“The number you’re trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep.”
“Hi mom, it’s me, Chanyeol. Uh, I know, I haven’t called you for a long time, but I have my reasons. Anyway, I heard Yura had given birth to a baby boy earlier this morning. Is it true? Am I really an uncle now? I feel old. Haha, I hope she and the baby are doing alright. And mom, um, I actually called to tell you I proposed to Subin yesterday. We’re getting married. I’ll…I’ll just come by tomorrow with Subin, okay? I have…a lot of things I want to talk about. I miss you, mom. Have a nice evening with father.”
Chanyeol hung up the call and turned off his phone, not wanting to read or answer his friends’ messages and calls. He wasn’t ready to be confronted for what he did. He didn’t even know if what he did was wrong. All he knew he needed to get away for a while to sort his mind.
(Stupid, stupid, stupid. What are you worrying so much about?)
Leaning back to his seat in the car, he downed the third cheap beers he bought at 7/11, looking around the parking lot where there was no one else. There were some foreigners and high school kids passing by, but it was still lonely, and the fact that he just had hurt (had he?) his two friends made him feel even lonelier.
His mind couldn’t stop replaying the scene of his two friends kissing, what he said to Jongdae, but he couldn’t remember why he acted that way. He was sure he had reacted the way normal people would; the way his father would, so he didn’t know why he felt it was wrong. Was it Jongdae’s pained expression or something else, he wasn’t sure. He was confused as fuck.
But when sexuality had ever been clear and straight? (He downed more of his beer.)
❇ Pairing: Chanyeol-centric (including brief past!Baekhyun/Chanyeol, Chanyeol/female!OC, Chanyeol/Xiumin), Jongdae/Junmyeon, one-sided!Jongdae/Sehun, ninja!Sehun/Taemin
❇ Rating: R
❇ Length: 10,710 words
❇ Warnings: mention of homophobia, sexual contents
❇ Author’s Note: writing this has been a great and a dear experience for me. The prompt was perfect, and I have so many ideas that I wanted to include inside, which sadly couldn’t because of limited time, unexpected crash from my laptop, and skills (but I hope you will enjoy the story as much as I enjoyed writing it!)
Lastly, this story is dedicated to my friend T who came out of his closet two years ago and who also helped making the title. I love you, T! And to my dearest recipient, thank you so much for the wonderful prompt, and I hope you’ll like what I have here for you.
❇ Summary: It was supposed to be a joke, but somehow it ended up with Chanyeol coming out of his closet and a called off wedding.
Chanyeol stealthily walked into his room with a camera in his hand, and he carefully set it to recording mode before he placed it on the sofa near the closet.
His girlfriend had just finished showering and was now dressing up in the room, and Chanyeol knew she’d open her jewelry box in any minute. She’d be surprised, he hoped, although he wondered how she’d really react when she saw her usual ring had been replaced with an engagement ring Chanyeol bought a month ago. He hoped whatever she did would be good enough and worthy to be recorded, and they could laugh over it later when they’re old and all grey.
(The thought of growing old together with a woman he had grown to love and care made him smile and excited, as today was also the day he had waited for six months. He surely didn’t want to forget a moment.)
Fixing his slightly mussed hair, he laughed quietly to himself when his girlfriend, Subin, shot him a confused look from where she stood buttoning her shirt.
“Why are you smiling to yourself like that?”
“Nothing,” Chanyeol shrugged. “I’m just feeling happy and excited today.”
“Happy and excited,” Subin noted and raised her eyebrows before she finally laughed it off. “You always are though, so I’m not surprised. I’ll be surprised if you tell me you’re sad.”
“How can I be sad when I have you by my side,” Chanyeol grinned and Subin pretended to throw up. “You make me happy, you make me-”
“Chanyeol, please,” Subin raised her hand and laughed, her skirt was still not properly zipped up. “Stop it. You’re being too cheesy and sappy, and you know how I feel about that.”
Chanyeol laughed and nodded, knowing way too well how much Subin hated to be sweet talked to. “I know, I know, you’re so not romantic. Girls love being sweet talked to, you know.”
“Not me,” Subin shrugged as she pulled out her jewelry box, and Chanyeol’s pulse quickened. “I’m not like those girls, I don’t like being sweet-”
She looked down to the jewelry box in her hand and stood frozen, and whatever she was about to say was immediately forgotten.
“What,” she looked at Chanyeol, who was no longer sitting on the sofa but was kneeling before her instead, and she struggled to find a word. “Why the ring’s changed-”
“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps some tall handsome guy replaced your ring with that pretty one last night. I heard he wanted to marry you.”
Subin laughed although her eyes had begun to water and took the ring out, giving it to Chanyeol. “Well, then tell that tall handsome guy to ask me now. I’m a busy woman, you know.”
“Well, busy woman,” Chanyeol grinned as he took her hand into his and held the ring up with the other hand. “Will you marry this tall, handsome, and happy guy? I know this isn’t the most ideal way to propose, but you’ve always been different from the other girls. You don’t like sappy romantic things, and I like that the most about you; because it made things easier for me to plan this.” Subin rolled her eyes and chuckled as Chanyeol continued on.
“And you’ve been with me for five years, you know. I think it’s time to let this tall, handsome, and happy guy to be your husband. And make you happy. And perhaps to make babies with! But later, of course, when you are ready for some tall kids running around.”
Subin laughed and Chanyeol smiled, tracing her soft knuckles with his thumb. “So, my beloved Gong Subin, will you marry me?”
Subin laughed louder and nodded, and Chanyeol didn’t miss how her eyes watered even more. “Alright, of course, yes, I do. I’d love to married a tall, handsome, and happy guy like you.”
“You made the right decision miss busy,” Chanyeol grinned and slid the ring to her finger, and stood up to hug her. “I promise you won’t regret it.”
Subin laughed but her voice cracked and hid her face onto Chanyeol’s nape. “I’ll hold on to your promise, tall, handsome, and happy guy.”
“You won’t be disappointed, miss.”
Chanyeol laughed along and enjoyed the sweet moment he shared with his now-fiancée in the warmth of their room. It was perfect, and he felt like it was the happiest moment of his life so far. He was sure he made the right (and the best) decision to marry her.
After all, they had been together for five years and almost all of their friends were already married, and he just can’t wait another year to finally start a family of his own. It was always his dream to be a father. So it was the only right thing to do, right?
(He honestly didn’t know the answer, and didn’t want to think about it too much, because the moment he shared with his fiancée was too good to be ruined with such simple question. It was no time to be insecure or afraid of the future, he decided, he had a lovely woman by his side after all.
He was also hopeful that by marrying her he could mend his broken relationship with his father-because his father witnessed something that should not be witnessed when he was 15-completely and made his father proud of him.)
//
“You proposed to Subin,” Jongin said for the tenth times since Chanyeol broke the news to his friends a half hour ago. “You’re getting married.”
“I did say that a half hour ago,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and passed the soju to Sehun. “Are you slow or are you just slow.”
“He just can’t believe you want to get married.” Sehun butted in and calmly downed his soju in one shot. “He’s been complaining about how moody his wife is during her pregnancy, you know. He said he didn’t get married for that.”
“Well obviously I didn’t,” Jongin groused and kicked Sehun’s leg from under the table. “I don’t get how a lovely woman like Gayun could be so evil like that. But hey, that beside the point! Why are we talking about me? We’re supposed to talk about Chanyeol, dumbass.”
“What do you want to talk about,” Chanyeol raised his brows and cringed after downing more soju. “How I proposed to her?”
“No, because that would be like watching a sappy romance movie with Gayun,” Jongin said and barely managed to dodge a slap at the back of his head from Chanyeol. “I want to know why you decided to get married.”
“Well,” Chanyeol licked his lips, suddenly nervous from the intense stare his two friends were giving him. “I want to settle down, you know, and we’ve been together for five years anyway…”
Chanyeol trailed off and downed another shot of soju. “I love her, okay. I want to grow old with her. And you know how much I want to be a father!”
“That’s so sappy and disgusting,” Sehun made a face and ate his sweet sauced pork. “But if that made you happy then why not. I won’t judge. I just don’t get why you’re so obsessed to be a father, honestly. Children are problematic.”
“Well, I want to! And children are not problematic, Sehun. I love children and I want to be a father. Besides, if marriage and being a father doesn’t make you happy, what makes you happy then?” Chanyeol countered, feeling annoyed that he was being targeted. Weren’t they supposed to be happy for him? “I never see you with anyone.”
“Does Subin even want to be a mother,” Sehun retorted with a calm demeanor but obviously raging inside, downing a shot of soju and for the first time he winced. “And I know what makes me happy. It’s not marriage or children, but at least I’m being real to myself. Unlike you.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Chanyeol glared and slammed his glass down on the table. “And why the fuck are you being like this? Aren’t you supposed to be, I don’t know, happy for me?”
Sehun didn’t answer, downing another shot instead, and the silence was spine chilling. Chanyeol was seething and he wanted nothing but to punch the younger’s face.
“Okay boys, that’s enough interviews for today,” Jongin broke the silence and poured more soju to their shot glasses, laughing nervously. “Calm down now, let’s drink instead and plan for your bachelor party, Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol was still raging mad but breathed before he spoke, “But I haven’t even planned the wedding with Subin.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Jongin scoffed and waved it off. “Bachelor party is more important. I’m serious. It’s the best part of getting hitched.”
“The best part for you,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and leaned back to the chair. “Well then, go ahead and plan my bachelor party.”
“It is, you’ll understand it when you’re married,” Jongin shook his head and rolled his eyes back at Chanyeol. “You’re practically still single now so you don’t. Whatever. Now, for the bachelor party, the most important thing is to have a good entertainer.”
“Leave the entertainer part for me, Jongin,” Sehun said and smirked before his shot. “I’ll get the best dancer you could have.”
“Okay, whatever,” Jongin nodded and pulled out a little black notebook from his jacket. “For the place, I think it will be best if we celebrate it in a bar or something.”
Chanyeol nodded as Jongin planned his bachelor party, once or twice looking over to Sehun who stayed silent, drinking and eating without looking back to him for once. Chanyeol wondered what the younger meant by being real before. But he didn’t linger on the thought too long, especially not with Jongin who kept demanding for his attention to his brilliant plan of a bachelor party.
//
After rounds of shots and endless plates of sweet sauced pork, Chanyeol finally went home at 1 a.m.
Back in his apartment, Subin was lying down on the couch with a book on her hands and her hair was tied up into a small bun. He studied her silently from the hall, quiet to make no sound, trailing all her curves and edges as she mumbled the thing she was reading. She was beautiful, he noted, as he put his shoes on the rack, her hair glowed in the dim light of the room and her eyes were as sparkling and bright even behind the glasses she wore. He walked closer and stopped right beside the couch where her head was resting and leaned down to give a kiss on her forehead.
“Hi, Subin.”
She looked up smiling, cupping Chanyeol’s face with her delicate hands and pulling him down for another kiss. Her lips were soft and plump, Chanyeol recorded it to his memory as he pulled her body up and trailed his hands down her curve, and she tasted sweet, sweet, so sweet. She moaned quietly against his lips, and then everything blurred, the edges of her body running together with the light from the city skyline streaming in from the window, orange and red and white, fragments of color patching her skin. She was mesmerizing and Chanyeol couldn’t get enough of her beauty.
“Hi Chanyeol,” she greeted as she pulled back, slightly panting, her cheeks flushed, “been waiting for you to come home.”
“Really,” he said and leaned down to kiss her lips again, smiling. “I’m glad to know a beautiful woman like you been waiting for me.”
“Oh, cut it, you sap,” she rolled her eyes and pulled him down to the couch before straddling him. “Just get to the main part already.”
Chanyeol rolled his eyes, “Can’t be a bit romantic, can you?”
“Nope,” Subin laughed and wrapped her arms around Chanyeol’s neck, leaning closer until their nose touched. “This is already romantic for me. Besides, who cares about romantic if we can have a good fuck, now?”
“You’re kinky,” Chanyeol laughed, suddenly feeling small and nervous in front of Subin. “But let’s not do it here though, I feel more comfortable in bed.”
Subin rolled her eyes yet again but nodded before leaning down for a chaste kiss. “Whatever you want, you big baby.”
Chanyeol wanted to say, “Not my fault that you’re too impish for me,” but decided against it because he didn’t want the mood to change to somber. He remembered what happened when he did say it once to Subin because he couldn’t accept being called a sap-it had ended badly. Sure, he liked how independent Subin is all the time, but it also made him iffy when she acted like there was nothing more but physical reaction when they were together like this. He wondered if he was truly a sap or if Subin was just being…painfully her. What was so wrong with being romantic once in a while, after all?
It was hard to understand what Subin wanted, sometimes (most of the times).
//
Morning came too soon the next day, and groggily, Chanyeol dismissed the alarm before falling back to bed. It was too early, way too early to start the day. Subin was still deep in slumber next to him and he wasn’t in the mood to fight with her-Subin could be really annoying if you try to wake her up-so he slowly got up from the bed to shower and prepared some breakfast for them.
He prepared a plate of bacon and eggs with pancakes and earl grey tea for Subin, knowing how obsessed she was with American (or English) breakfast, but prepared simpler Korean traditional dish for himself. She loved to live the European or American lifestyle, indulged with sophistication, and Chanyeol just went along with it. Whatever Subin wants, he’d always said. As long as she’s happy, he’d always said.
“Chanyeol,” he turned around and smiled to Subin, who was leaning over the banisters, looking sleepy and adorable with nothing but his shirt. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“It was too early for a fight,” Subin rolled her eyes and Chanyeol laughed. “And I wanted to cook you breakfast again today.”
“So sweet of you,” Subin smiled and walked down the steps, her fingers tapping on the railing rhythmically. “Is it my favorite American breakfast?”
“Of course,” Chanyeol smiled and leaned down to land a chaste kiss on her lips. “It’s your choice of breakfast every single day.”
“That’s why people called it favorite meal, Chanyeol,” Subin sighed exasperatedly as she sat down and sipped her tea. “Oh, right, I forgot to tell you that I called mom last night. She went ballistic when I told her you proposed to me, you know, and it was crazy. I believe everyone knows about our engagement by now. I mean, you know my mom.”
“I know,” Chanyeol grinned and sipped his black coffee, finishing his remaining meals. “I’m glad she’s happy for us.”
“Of course she is,” Subin grinned back, “she’s crazy about you.”
“The same like you’re crazy about me,” Chanyeol laughed and barely dodged the butter Subin thrown at him. “Anyway, it’s already 7:30; you need to take a shower now if you don’t want to be late again. I’ll take my leave first.”
Chanyeol rose from his seat and leaned down to peck her lips, “See you later.”
“See you,” Subin said as he walked to the hall, taking his briefcase on his way and stopping in front of the mirror to fix his hair. “And, Chanyeol?”
“Yeah?”
“I think you should tell your father,” she paused and Chanyeol swallowed the lump in his throat, quickly wearing his coat. “About us, you know. He deserves to know.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said distractedly and took the tacky blue umbrella Subin bought him. “I’ll go see him today. Bye.”
(He didn’t mean what he said.)
//
He arrived at the office shortly 30 minutes later, greeting and bowing politely to his colleagues and seniors although none of them seemed to care much about his presence. They either greeted politely back or walked pass him without a single care. One even went as far as bumping his shoulder and kept walking. Rude, but it didn’t matter. At least he wasn’t being a prick like them.
Sighing, he turned left to the elevators and stopped on his track when he met with a pair of eyes he hadn’t seen for so long.
“Chanyeol,” the other person beamed and walked to him in five big steps before pulling him down for an awkward hug. “Long time no see! How have you been?”
“Oh,” the elevator dinged and Chanyeol nervously licked his lips, somewhat desperate to get away. “Good, I’m good,” he found himself saying and smiling hesitantly, “how about you, Baekhyun? It’s been a long time.”
“I’m good, good,” Baekhyun was still beaming and it was just suffocating to stand near him, Chanyeol thought as he took a step back. “I work here now. Only starting, but I’m sure it will be a great work experience because you’re here too! I’m happy to know that, although I’ve expected to see you here.”
“You have expected to see me here?”
“Yeah, of course,” Baekhyun grinned, his mouth becoming square and it was getting harder for Chanyeol to breathe. “It’s your father’s company, no?”
“Oh, right,” Chanyeol nodded, unconsciously swinging his arms, a habit he taken whenever he feels nervous. “It’s my father’s, but no one knows, so I’ll appreciate it if you don’t tell.”
“Oh, I won’t, don’t worry,” Baekhyun made a zipping gesture on his mouth, looking cute and he was still smiling Chanyeol wanted to push him away. Another elevator dinged. “Let’s go up together.”
Chanyeol gulped, nodding, and walked right behind the smaller man. Baekhyun still looked the same as he was years, years ago, and the only thing that changed from him was the way he walked. He no longer swayed his hips when he walked, or exaggeratedly pushed up his bottom. He looked…oddly normal and slightly less him. He wondered if Baekhyun was really doing alright or if something happened after the incident when they were both 15.
(He shook his head. No, don’t even try to remember, Chanyeol.)
Not wanting to remember the past, especially not when he was about to work, he looked up and saw the crowds in front of the elevator. It seemed to be even more crowded than the usual today. Some of his colleagues were present but he couldn’t find his usual day saver Jongdae there. They usually go up together, remembering that they work on the same level and even next to each other, and all this time Jongdae had saved him from being fired from his own father’s company.
(It’s perhaps why Chanyeol had grown a habit of being saved by Jongdae, and wished Jongdae to be the only one who knows that he’s the son of the CEO.)
Baekhyun was still beside him and standing a bit too close for his comfort so when an elevator dinged open, he quickly stepped inside, wishing to be far away possible from the smaller male. But unlucky for him, as soon as he got inside, a crowd followed in and he was pressed to the back of elevator by a big, middle-aged man that he guessed his senior who fortunately had hair that smell like a pile of waste. Chanyeol had hard time breathing and wished he was pressed by Baekhyun instead. Perhaps it would be easier, and definitely smelled nicer.
(Or perhaps not but who cared.)
“-I heard that CEO’s daughter has just given birth yesterday, and it’s a boy. I bet-”
“Chanyeol,” Chanyeol shrieked and everyone looked at him funny, whilst the one calling him was looking at him with a hint of amusement on his face. “Uh, sorry, didn’t mean to surprise you like that. But is it true that your sister has given birth?”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol straightened up the best he could in such cramped place and cleared his throat, at the same time wondering how Baekhyun managed to stand beside him again. “No, actually I don’t know. But maybe, she’s married and all that after all.”
“You don’t know? How come?”
“No, I don’t know,” he bit his lips and almost cried in relief when he was met with a pair of feline eyes, looking right at him from the corner. “It’s, it’s complicated, Baekhyun. Things changed after…after that. My family…we aren’t the same like we were back then.”
The elevator dinged and Chanyeol breathed again when he saw the familiar red ‘27’ on the screen. “It’s my stop,” he nodded politely to Baekhyun, “I guess I’ll…see you around.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Baekhyun’s voice cracked slightly, “of course. I’ll see you around, Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol tried hard not to look back and let the doors closed behind him until he remembered how to move again. It was in the past Chanyeol, he reassured himself, you will be alright. He inhaled deeply and looked up to see Jongdae was already beside him, resting a hand on his forearm and looking at him with knowing eyes.
“It was him, wasn’t it,” Jongdae paused, “the guy from the past?”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol fixed his tie and walked inside their office. “He is, was, I don’t know. I don’t want to know.”
“It’s alright, Chanyeol,” Jongdae said lowly with a hesitant smile ghosting his lips. “You are no longer 15. You will be alright. You’re a man of your own now.”
Chanyeol nodded, but he didn’t understand what Jongdae was talking about. All he knew he just needed distraction from the image of Baekhyun’s rectangular smile and how warm his body was when they stood close to each other.
No, he thought. He was no longer 15.
//
“So I’ve decided where to hold your bachelor party-”
Chanyeol groaned and played with his sticky notes, scribbling down ‘hello’ until the paper was full of it.
(He didn’t know what’s the point of writing thousand ‘hello’ on the paper, but it was a habit he taken since he was little, writing down ‘hello’ on every blank paper he found.)
“-and Sehun has hired a dancer, so it’s covered, and damn it Chanyeol! Are you even listening to me?”
“I’m listening,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and write another ‘hello’ on a blank spot he found. “My bachelor party will be held at Apollo and you invited only my close friends so there will be only six guests, and Sehun has hired a dancer. And you talked some things about great party blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I’m listening.”
“Five guests, six people including you. And for fuck’s sake, listen to me for once, will you? Sehun and I worked-”
Chanyeol sighed and plucked the sticky note full with scribbled ‘hello’ to stick it somewhere and started writing more ‘hello’ on another sticky note.
“-appreciate our hard work, we-”
Writing another, he honestly didn’t know why he was so obsessed with the word that he wrote it everywhere. Perhaps because the word meant so many things and commonly used as a greeting, he didn’t know. Or perhaps he just liked to write the word because his hand is already so familiar with it, he didn’t know either.
(Hello, hallo, hullo, I hear you.)
“-Park Chanyeol!”
“Yes!”
“Are you listening to me?!”
“Yes,” Chanyeol cleared his throat when he realized people were looking at him. “No, I don’t. Sorry.”
“I knew it, you never listen. Bitch. Anyway, come to Lucy’s after work today. Bring Jongdae along. Bye.”
“Oho, was that my long lost brother Jongin?”
Chanyeol looked up to where Jongdae was leaning over his cubicle, holding his temperature mug that changed color if the drink is hot. He was grinning and for a second Chanyeol was sure that Jongdae and Jongin were actually brothers.
“Yeah,” he finally nodded, “your long lost brother called to talk about my bachelor party.”
“Bachelor party, you’re getting married?” Jongdae asked and Chanyeol widened his eyes in horror. Crap, he forgot. “And you didn’t tell me?”
“Uh, I was going to tell you today? Surprise?”
Jongdae narrowed his eyes and Chanyeol grinned nervously. “You forgot me.”
“No, I didn’t,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and Jongdae glared harder at him. “Fine, I forgot, but if this makes you feel better I haven’t told my family either. Oh, and we’re going out to Lucy’s with Sehun and Jongin tonight.”
“No place like Lucy’s, eh,” Jongdae sipped his coffee, still glaring at Chanyeol, before he sighed and put down his mug on Chanyeol’s table. “You wash that for me, and go talk to your father. He deserves to know.”
“No, wash it yourself or I’ll smash it to pieces.”
(And I don’t want to talk to my father.)
//
It was 5 p.m. and Chanyeol had all of his works done a half hour earlier. He could go home now if he wanted to, but he had to wait for Jongdae since they were going to hang out together. Deciding he would need a cup of coffee, he walked to the dispenser at the corner and pressed ‘black coffee’, adding a spoon of cream so it wouldn’t be too bitter.
He often got teased by his friends for doing so, especially Sehun, who would always grimace in distaste and talked high of his ‘exquisite taste’ in coffee. He imagined Sehun would say something like, “That must taste horrible. I can’t imagine drinking that.” with a sneer, but Chanyeol didn’t care anyway. He liked his coffee with cream.
After the coffee was done brewing, he walked back to his cubicle and played with his sticky notes again, once in a while checking his phone for new messages, or a reminder Subin left for him. He would also steal a glance to Jongdae’s desk once in a while, checking if he was still working or not. Jongdae could be really slow, sometimes.
“Chanyeol,” he jumped on his seat and dropped his pen, and Jongdae rolled his eyes from beside him. “You’re stupid. Anyway, I’m going to the restroom first. Need to pee.”
“Alright, you better come back in five minutes or I’ll burn down your desk.”
“Haha, very funny.”
Jongdae rolled his eyes (again!) and walked away, leaving Chanyeol alone with his sticky notes and thousands ‘hello’ scribbled on the paper. Sighing, he collected all of his used sticky notes and crumpled it to one, before he threw it to the bin a meter away from him. It missed. Bitch, he thought.
He half-heartedly got up from his seat and walked over to the bin, picking up the crumpled paper and throwing it away properly this time. He was bending down when he spotted Junmyeon, a junior supervisor who had helped him a lot when he first worked here, walked in a hurry to the restroom direction. Chanyeol chuckled, must be dying there.
Feeling mischievous, he followed Junmyeon to the restroom quietly, wanting to surprise him from behind, only to be surprised himself when he turned right to witness Junmyeon kissing Jongdae against the wall.
“What the fuck?”
“Chanyeol!” Jongdae gasped, pushing Junmyeon away, and he spluttered, gaping like a dying fish whilst Junmyeon looked away with a reddened face. “I, I can explain. It’s-”
“You’re gay?”
Jongdae bit his lips and held up a hand, begging Chanyeol not to say anything more. “Listen, Chanyeol, we-”
“You’re fucking gay,” Chanyeol hissed and he felt sick, whether from the sight of his two friends kissing or something else, he didn’t know. “You and Junmyeon are gays. What the fuck, I work with gays.”
Jongdae looked pained and his eyes watered, but Chanyeol couldn’t find it in himself to say anything better to his friend. “Chanyeol, are you really going to be like this?”
“The fuck, Jongdae,” Chanyeol laughed hollowly and shook his head, turning away. “Don’t consider yourself my friend again. I’m leaving.”
He heard Jongdae gasp behind him and he knew Junmyeon was at the verge of punching him senseless right then and there, but he didn’t care. He felt sick and he didn’t know what to do. Perhaps he was just being stupid. He didn’t know.
(He didn’t know, he didn’t know, and he didn’t want to know.)
//
“The number you’re trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep.”
“Hi mom, it’s me, Chanyeol. Uh, I know, I haven’t called you for a long time, but I have my reasons. Anyway, I heard Yura had given birth to a baby boy earlier this morning. Is it true? Am I really an uncle now? I feel old. Haha, I hope she and the baby are doing alright. And mom, um, I actually called to tell you I proposed to Subin yesterday. We’re getting married. I’ll…I’ll just come by tomorrow with Subin, okay? I have…a lot of things I want to talk about. I miss you, mom. Have a nice evening with father.”
Chanyeol hung up the call and turned off his phone, not wanting to read or answer his friends’ messages and calls. He wasn’t ready to be confronted for what he did. He didn’t even know if what he did was wrong. All he knew he needed to get away for a while to sort his mind.
(Stupid, stupid, stupid. What are you worrying so much about?)
Leaning back to his seat in the car, he downed the third cheap beers he bought at 7/11, looking around the parking lot where there was no one else. There were some foreigners and high school kids passing by, but it was still lonely, and the fact that he just had hurt (had he?) his two friends made him feel even lonelier.
His mind couldn’t stop replaying the scene of his two friends kissing, what he said to Jongdae, but he couldn’t remember why he acted that way. He was sure he had reacted the way normal people would; the way his father would, so he didn’t know why he felt it was wrong. Was it Jongdae’s pained expression or something else, he wasn’t sure. He was confused as fuck.
But when sexuality had ever been clear and straight? (He downed more of his beer.)