fic: Make You Feel My Love
TITLE: Make You Feel My Love
AUTHOR: Brio
WORDS: 3017ish
RATING: PG-13. And I managed to restrain swearing to an f-bomb, just one. Oh yeah, obviously, it contains girls who like girls. But if you're reading this, you probably already knew that.
SUMMARY: Dianna’s annoyed about the SAG awards.
NOTES: First fic I’ve actually finished and posted so be gentle. It’s angst-y because I’m in that sort of place right now. For ilsu, for feeding my Achele obsession and introducing me to this rather awesome community. (All spelling errors are intentional, I’m British :P)
(P.S. If I've done this wrong, please let me know so I can fix it! :) )
The others knew that filming would be difficult. And they were right. The atmosphere affected everyone on set from the actors to the production staff. It wasn’t that they were completely ignoring each other; while they were on set, they were courteous and their performances were perfect but as soon as “Cut” was called, Dianna would immediately take off in the direction of her trailer leaving Lea staring after her with an inscrutable expression on her face.
Lea had taken to spending most of her time in the other girls’ trailer, though sometimes she was so quiet that they barely noticed her presence. She read her script, or listened to music staring out the window towards her trailer. The others whispered about Dianna in her company and she pretended not to listen while her heart seemed to thud hollowly in her chest. It was even worse because she knew she was the one who caused this.
**
Dianna felt like a robot sometimes. When she wasn’t on set, she sat at home watching trashy reality television, overindulging in whatever was left in her cupboards, which wasn’t much, not enough to give her the energy to make it through a day of rehearsals and filming. She started to back out of promotional appearances and hid at home instead, citing migraines or being too tired.
When she did turn up, she forced smiles and made sure that there were at least two, sometimes three, people between her and Lea and when questions were asked about a riff between the two they avoided each other’s gaze and laughed as heartily as they could telling the fans and the press that their friendship, and all of the friendships on set, had never been stronger.
**
One day, after long hours of choreography changes and Lea snapping at anyone who looked at her the wrong way, Jenna falls onto the couch in one of the guys’ trailers closing her eyes and sighing. Amber follows suit, resting her head on Jenna’s shoulder.
“I can’t take this much longer,” the latter says, “My heart breaks every time I look at Dianna.” Chris nods in agreement, “You’ve known Lea the longest, Jen. Can’t you try and talk some sense into her?”
“Do you want me to get my head bitten off?” Jenna asks, “Lea’s my friend… but I don’t want to get involved in this, you guys. She’s hurt Di really bad and I’m not sure what I can say to try and fix that.”
“Well, we can’t go on like this,” Chris says, sipping from a bottle of water he’s just retrieved from the fridge, “I’ll talk to Lea. I can run faster than she can.” The girls don’t protest his decision and he sighs before leaving the trailer, wondering if they’d find a role for him in Hollywood where having a bloody stump instead of a head was preferable.
**
Lea is on the phone when Chris walks into the trailer. She shoots him a look and he closes the door, folding his arms, determined not to crack. Lea finishes her conversation in hushed tones and then hangs up, placing the phone on the table next to her and picking up her script.
“You can salvage this,” he says tentatively. She doesn’t look up but he definitely sees her mouth twitch as if she’s going to say something. When she doesn’t, Chris continues, “She misses you.”
“She doesn’t,” Lea responds, “She told me to leave her alone and to never talk to her again. Obviously, we work together so I can’t stick to the last part of her wishes…” Chris walks to the table and sits down opposite her, wresting the script from her hands, “Chris, I really fucked this up, didn’t I?” Chris ponders this while leaning back in his chair. She could still wrench his head from his shoulders but he decides to be honest.
“Yes,” he says simply.
“I didn’t think she’d mind,” Lea says softly.
“You didn’t think that Dianna would mind you taking someone else to the SAG awards? You didn’t think she’d mind you adhering to that idiotic request from the Network about you two acting a little less… how should I put this?” He pauses then laughs, “Gay. Lea, this is the twenty-first century. If people care that you’re gay or in a relationship with, let’s face it, a pretty gorgeous co-star, then that’s their problem. It’s your life.”
“But…” she starts and he holds up a finger and shakes his head. She snaps her mouth shut, raising an eyebrow at him.
“This is a directive, not just from me but the entire cast,” he says standing up and walking away, “Get over yourself and win your lady back. None of us can stand what this is doing to either of you.” He pulls open the door to see Amber and Jenna waiting for him but shoos them away, “If you need my help planning something spectacular, I’ll be in my trailer.” He walks out and closes the door behind him.
**
On Monday morning, Dianna opens the door of her trailer to find Naya admiring a bouquet of roses sitting on the table. Naya grins and passes the card to Dianna who turns it over in her fingers, staring at the flowers. She doesn’t look at the card but slides it into her pocket. Naya takes this as an encouraging sign and reports back to the others that she didn’t rip up the card or tear the heads off the roses.
**
Any time that Lea has off set, she spends in Chris’ trailer, coming up with ideas. The roses were his, the poetry on the card was hers.
“But she didn’t read the card,” Lea says looking despondent.
“She didn’t read the card while Naya was there,” Chris says.
“Can’t you just tell her that you’re sorry?” Cory pipes up from the video game he’s playing. Everyone else glares at him and he holds up his hands before exiting the trailer hastily.
“If only it were that simple,” Chris says with a sigh, watching Lea doodle a heart on the pad of paper in front of her.
**
Lea recalls vividly the last words that Dianna said to her, barring anything that their characters verbally exchanged on set. But it wasn’t just the words she remembered. The expression on Dianna’s face, the way her hands shook, the tears in her hazel eyes all haunt Lea, particularly when she sleeps.
It’s been over a month since that night. Sometimes it feels like a few days but most of the time, it feels like years. It was a few days after the SAG awards. Dianna had been avoiding Lea’s calls and messages so the brunette had gone to Dianna’s apartment.
“I’ve missed you,” Lea says, leaning in to kiss Dianna when she opens the door but Dianna turns her head away so that Lea’s lips end up on the blonde’s cheek. She pulls back and frowns, while Dianna looks at the ground, “What’s wrong?” She puts her hand on Dianna’s shoulder but the taller of the two shakes her off and walks towards her lounge.
“I’ve been busy,” she says, leaning against the piano where she’d been sitting, getting annoyed with her fingers for not playing the right keys in the right order, before Lea arrived.
“You missed lunch with the guys yesterday,” Lea says, “We missed you. I missed you.” Lea walks towards the piano but Dianna holds up her hands.
“Don’t,” Dianna says, turning away. Lea frowns again, reaching for Dianna’s hand, “Lea, please.”
“I don’t understand…” Lea says.
“No, you don’t,” Dianna agrees, folding her arms across her chest, trying desperately to quash the knot in her stomach and the lump rising in her throat. She won’t be able to keep her composure for much longer.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” Lea says, taking a step back from her, sensing that the other girl needs space, “You’ve ignored me since… is this about Theo?” Lea rolls her eyes, “You know why we had to do that…” That does it. Dianna pushes herself away from the piano and gets into Lea’s space.
“I don’t want to hide anymore,” she says, “I thought we were going together. I thought… I… this,” she takes a breath, trying to stop the flood of words fighting their way to get out of her mouth, “You can’t expect me to wait around for you to get over whatever insecurity it is you have about us being together. Get out,” she bites, the tears spill onto her cheeks and Lea wants to kiss them away, to hold Dianna until she stops shaking, stops saying these things.
“I’m sorry…” Lea says, still looking, and feeling, slightly bewildered.
“That doesn’t make it better,” Dianna says, “I want you to leave me alone, don’t talk to me again.”
“Di…” Lea says, finally getting a hold of Dianna’s hand but the blonde pulls it out of her grasp and turns away. Lea takes this as her cue to go and does so quietly, leaving a sobbing Dianna curled beneath the piano.
**
The following Monday morning, two more bouquets of roses are sitting in the trailer. Two more cards. Dianna slides them into her pocket and turns to see Chris behind her.
“Jeez, Chris, you scared me!” she says, jumping slightly.
“Nice flowers,” he notes with a smile.
“Yeah,” she agrees, “Will it be three next week?”
“She misses you,” he says.
“Please don’t say that,” she says, her face crumpling as the tears come on unexpectedly. Chris catches her in a hug and holds her tight, stroking her hair.
“You miss her too,” he says, “She got scared. This is new to her, her feelings for you. She freaked out. If I thought it’d help, I’d hit her around her head, but I’d probably end up breaking my hand.”
“You don’t have to hurt yourself for me, Chris,” Dianna says, pulling out of the hug, “Or her. That won’t help.” She sighs, “I feel stupid too. I feel like I overreacted…”
“Maybe a smidge,” Chris says, “But I understand where you’re coming from. Ms Michele needs to realise just how good she’s got it but just because it’s obvious to everyone else, doesn’t mean it’s obvious to her.”
“Can you tell her something?” Dianna asks, wiping away the last of her tears. Chris nods quickly, “Tell her to stop involving everyone else in this. I know the flowers were your idea.” He looks away, “I appreciate them… but it’s not Lea. If she wants this… us… then she needs to figure this out on her own.” Chris nods and drops his arms.
“Can I give her a hint?” he asks and Dianna half smiles and shakes her head.
“No,” she says, “You can also tell her my expectations are high.” He grins and kisses Dianna’s cheek, pleased that there’s some headway being despite the two exchanging no words whatsoever.
“Guess I should go play messenger,” he says, “This trailer is so quiet. I don’t like it.” He leaves the trailer and Dianna sits down, staring at the door.
“Me neither,” she whispers.
**
“No more flowers,” Chris announces when he walks back into his trailer, “And we’re not allowed to help anymore. You have to do this on your own.” He flops down next to Amber and closes his eyes, “Playing messenger is tiring.” Lea sighs.
“I still don’t get why you can’t just go over there and say sorry,” Cory says.
“She doesn’t want an apology,” Lea says with a shrug, “I have to show her how much she means to me.”
And then it hits her.
“I need a camera, a laptop and a piano,” she says. The others look at her as though she’s lost it.
**
Dianna strokes Lea’s hair as they watch the ferries and lit-up cruise ships float by on the harbour having ditched their cast mates to spend some time alone. The brunette is lying with her head in the blonde’s lap beneath the rumbling trains and cars on the bridge above; the blonde is humming softly.
“What’s that?” Lea asks.
“Um… a ferry,” Dianna says with a smile.
“No, the song, silly,” Lea asks, reaching up to cup Dianna’s chin in her hand. Dianna leans down to press her lips to the brunette’s.
“It’s just the song that reminds me of you,” she says.
“Just one song?” Lea quirks an eyebrow as she shifts her position slightly.
“Well, there are others,” she says, “But this one is special. It’s the song that was playing on my iPod when we met.”
**
Amber hands over her camera, Jenna contributes her laptop and Lea runs to the set, finding the practise room empty. She sets up the camera and runs her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes for a few seconds before reaching over to press the record button. She places her fingers on the keys and starts to play. Her hands shake slightly and she messes up the intro but when she starts to sing, the notes fall under her fingers easily.
//When the rain is blowing in your face…
She looks into the camera, keeping her eyes steady on the lens and makes it to the solo where she let’s her fingers improvise a little, looking down at the keys, begging the tears in her eyes to stop clouding her vision.
//I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
There is nothing that I wouldn’t do
Lea wrenches her eyes off the keys to look back at the camera, the red blinking light.
//Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love
She finishes, lifting her hands from the keys and takes a shaky breath, smiles crookedly and presses the red button to stop the recording. She jumps when she hears a noise outside the door and twists round to see Chris, Amber and Jenna standing at the window. Chris gives her a thumbs up and holds up a disc. Lea gestures for them to come in.
“How was it?” she asks, brushing away the tears that are still threatening to spill onto her cheeks.
“Beautiful,” Jenna says.
“She’ll like it?” Lea asks, sliding the disc into the laptop and copying the video onto it.
“If she doesn’t, I’ll be your girlfriend,” Amber says, putting her arms around Lea’s shoulders and giving her a squeeze.
“Back of the line,” Chris says and the three girls stare at him for a few seconds, before he rolls his eyes, “Kidding. Sheesh.” The laptop whirrs, interrupting the silence and the disc pops out.
“Done,” Lea says, securing it in the box and standing up from the piano.
“Go!” Amber says, pushing her in the direction of the door.
**
Dianna pauses when she comes back from getting some lunch. Propped up against her laptop is a disc with a post-it attached. “Watch me.” Lea’s writing. Dianna’s heart quickens at the sight of it and she drops her lunch on the counter, hurrying to the table to pull the CD from it’s box and wishing her laptop would load a hundred times faster. Finally the disc is loading and she opens the file.
**
Dianna closes the lid of her laptop and plucks one of the roses from the vase on the table next to her, toying with the stem briefly before she jumps out of her chair, blonde hair flowing behind her as she flies out the door. She knocks heavily on the neighbouring trailer and Amber opens the door.
“Is she…?” Dianna asks but she’s cut off by a quick shake of Amber’s head.
“She’s in the guys’ trailer,” she says softly, eyeing the rose in Dianna’s hand. Dianna nods.
“Thanks, Amber,” she says and turns to leave, her heart has started hammering in her chest.
“Good luck,” Amber calls after her as Jenna joins her at the door, curious as to what’s going on. Dianna turns back to the pair, a smile spreading across her face for the first time in what feels like an eternity.
“Thanks,” she says and crosses the lot to another trailer. Her knock is softer this time and she takes a deep breath, ignoring the copious amount of butterflies that have sprung up in her stomach. Mark opens the door and glances back into the trailer.
“Can I…?” Dianna asks before Mark jumps down from the trailer.
“Be my guest!” he says, “I can’t cope with this level of drama.” He disappears quickly and Dianna climbs the steps, her heart rate speeding yet again as her eyes happen upon Lea. Lea with her head down, the palms of her hands pressed against her temples, her fingers toying with her hair.
“Hey,” Dianna says closing the door behind her. Lea’s head jerks up and the blonde is shocked to see that tears and mascara are staining the brunette’s face. She frowns, closing the gap between them and kneeling down in front of Lea, pushing strands of wayward hair from her face.
“I’m sorry,” Lea whispers, her voice choking up, “D, I’m so sorry.”
“Shhh,” Dianna smiles, “No more apologies.” She lays the rose down and takes the brunette’s hands in her own, bringing them, one at a time, to her lips, her gaze locking with the dark eyes above her. Lea takes a shaky breath.
“But I am…” she says earnestly, sliding off the couch wrap her arms around the blonde.
“I know,” Dianna says smiling again, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Lea says, grinning and their lips meet softly.