Stargate Atlantis, Day 6, Harlequin, The Innocent's Dark Seduction
Title: The Innocent's Dark Seduction
Author: goddess47
Rating: R - mostly for swears
Warnings/Spoilers: MPreg; none otherwise, total Harlequin AU
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Length: 10,000 words (how did that happen?)
Summary: "Pregnant? Yes," Rodney snarled. "Now that Dave's devious plan has worked, you know about it. Yes, it's yours. No, you don't have to have anything to do with it... her......"
::Looks around to see who's looking. It's still Saturday... somewhere.... isn't it? Sneaking in under the wire.::
This is all velocitygrass's fault. She mentioned that she signed up for undermistletoe and it looked cool (and it is). Then of course I had to write a fic that ate my brain.... what was I thinking?
Dedicated to fenchurch1 -- hope you like how it turned out, sweetie! Thanks for the help! Any mistakes are mine since I tinkered right to the end.
"Rodney?"
Rodney stiffened at the sound of the voice calling his name. Fuck you, Dave Sheppard, he thought.
"Rodney, what the hell are you doing here?" John Sheppard demanded from behind him. Rodney didn't want to turn, to look at the man who had broken his heart.
"Dave asked you to meet him, didn't he?" Rodney asked from his seat on the bench he had been -- supposedly -- waiting for John's brother Dave. He didn't turn around.
"Fuck!" John swore meaningfully.
"We were both had," Rodney snarked.
The silence that followed that was more than uncomfortable. Rodney wished fervently that John would just leave.
"How... how are you?" John asked tentatively.
"Fine," Rodney bit out. Goawaygoawaygoaway
Footsteps coming closer was Rodney's only warning. John came around the bench Rodney was sitting on to stand in front of him. When he got to the bench he stopped and Rodney could feel green eyes staring at him. He saw those eyes in his sleep, he couldn't look into them here.
"Happy now?" Rodney said bitterly. "Go away."
"Rodney? What......" John stammered. "Are you...."
"Pregnant? Yes," Rodney snarled. "Now that Dave's devious plan has worked, you know about it. Yes, it's yours. No, you don't have to have anything to do with it... her......" At that Rodney stumbled.
"A girl? You're having a girl?" John asked with a touch of happiness Rodney couldn't not hear. He sat down on the bench next to Rodney and started to reach out a hand to touch Rodney's baby bump. Rodney couldn't stop the flinch. "Sorry," John muttered, withdrawing his hand.
"If you're done, I'll be leaving," Rodney sighed. "Tell Dave.... never mind, I'll tell him myself."
"You'll talk to my brother and you won't talk to me?" John demanded, unconsciously raising his voice slightly.
"I'll talk to whomever I want to talk to," Rodney shot back. "Now, if you'll excuse me...." He started to get up but wobbled a bit as he stood. He had been sitting too long and he still wasn't used to the change in his center of gravity.
"Got you," John said mildly, putting a hand under his elbow.
Not wanting to appear ungracious, Rodney took a deep breath and said, "Thank you." He started to walk towards the lot where he had parked his car.
"Don't go," John called.
Rodney stopped and dropped his head. He took another deep breath and sighed. "I can't do this," Rodney said to himself as much as to the man behind him. "Don't... just don't."
"How are you managing?" John asked from too close behind him.
Rodney turned around to find that John was right behind him. "Now you ask? If you must know I can't work because it's too dangerous to the baby, I'm living on my savings, I go to a clinic for checkups since my health insurance doesn't cover pregnancy and I can't drink coffee. I'm managing just fine!" Rodney advanced on the other man. "Leave. Me. Alone."
It might have worked if there hadn't been a lose piece of pavement under his feet. As he turned to go to his car, he stumbled and fell, landing on his hands and knees. Slightly stunned, Rodney stayed there and panted.
"I don't care how well you think you're managing," John commanded, "you're coming with me." John hauled Rodney to his feet and ran his hands gently over Rodney to make sure he hadn't hurt himself. Rodney was shaken enough to let John guide him to his car and settle him into it.
"Just... take me home," Rodney pleaded.
"No," John answered shortly. "I'm getting you checked out and making sure you're okay. Then... then we're going to talk."
Suddenly tired of fighting, Rodney sat back and closed his eyes. He heard John on the phone before they drove away but fell asleep before he knew it.
"Rodney? Can you wake up for me?" John called softly.
Rodney woke with a start. "Wha... where are we?" he asked sleepily.
"Doctor's office. Can you walk or do you want me to get some help?" John asked.
Rodney rubbed his eyes and considered. "I can walk, just.... just give me a minute."
"When you're ready," John answered patiently.
Rodney really wanted to go back to sleep. This damned car seat was the best thing he had slept in recently, he was warm and comfortable. But with John waiting, he fought to wake up. "Okay, guess I'm ready," Rodney allowed.
John gave him a hand to help him out of the car, then withdrew it once Rodney was standing. "This way," John indicated an elevator bank just past the car.
They went to the fifteenth floor and John sat Rodney down in a comfortable chair. Rodney wanted to laugh, this waiting room chair was in better shape than the best chair he had in his apartment.
"Wait here," John said firmly. He went behind the closed door.
Only because this was his one chance to see a real doctor about his pregnancy, Rodney stayed. The doctors in the clinic were competent but they could only do so much for him and Rodney knew with his allergies and hypoglycemia that he really should see a specialist at least once. The OB specialists at the clinic would only see obviously high-risk patients and patients with lesser risks like Rodney didn't have a chance.
John came back into the room with another man, "Rodney, meet Dr. Carson Beckett. He's willing to take you on and he'd like to check you out."
"You're making him do this but I'll take you up on it," Rodney said calmly.
"Mr. McKay....." Dr. Beckett started.
"Dr. McKay," Rodney corrected him automatically.
"Dr. McKay, can you come with me?" Dr. Beckett asked patiently but Rodney saw the look he shot John.
Beckett let him to an examining room. He sat Rodney down in a chair, "Before we go too far, I need to take a history. John tells me you've been going to a clinic."
Rodney shifted and dug a ring of keys with a couple of attached flash drives out of his pocket. He disconnected one flash drive and handed it to the doctor. "This'll be easier," Rodney told him. "It's my clinic records. I make them give me a copy every time I go since I don't always see the same doctor. Just easier to have my own medical records. Password is astrophysicist."
Beckett took the flash drive gingerly. "May I make a copy?" he asked. At Rodney's nod, he stood and dug into a drawer. He handed Rodney a gown and said, "You know the procedure, then. I'll have Laura come in and take your blood pressure and blood samples for testing and be back in a few minutes."
Resigned to the indignity, Rodney quickly stripped off his clothes after the doctor left but kept on his socks. Even with the carpet his feet tended to be cold and there was nothing there for the doctor to look at related to being pregnant. A tap on the door was his warning that the nurse was coming in.
"Dr. McKay?" asked the woman much too cheerfully for Rodney. "I'm Laura Cadman, Dr. Beckett's assistant. Hop up on the table and I'll get started."
"There is no hopping in me," Rodney shot back. But he eased himself onto the table and dangled his legs over the edge. With a grin, she took his pressure - "A bit high but not too bad" - and then took five vials of blood for testing.
As Beckett came back into the room, Rodney said, "Your nurse is a vampire, why so many samples?"
"Standard procedure for a new patient," Beckett soothed. "While you've been getting basic testing at the clinic, I want to run some additional tests to make sure you have no problems they've missed."
Slightly mollified, Rodney nodded.
Beckett looked at his computer screen. "You're twenty-six weeks pregnant, your blood pressure is a little high but your other medical records don't seem to think it's a problem. You have a series of allergies and are hypoglycemic. Other than that, you've had a pretty normal pregnancy to date. Is all of that correct?"
"Yes," Rodney answered.
"Good, now sit back and let me take a look at you," Beckett ordered.
Cadman came back as Beckett did the exam, asking the same questions the other doctors had asked and Cadman dutifully wrote down whatever Beckett told her. It didn't take long and they had Rodney off the plinth and sitting in the exam room chair again.
"How about if I let you get dressed and we can finish this up in my office?" Beckett suggested.
Knowing he'd feel better with clothes on, he agreed. "Make sure I get a copy of everything," Rodney said.
"Yes, yes," Beckett answered.
It only took Rodney a couple of minutes to dress. Not taking off his socks and wearing loafers made the footwear, which was really the hardest part of getting dressed now, easier. He left the gown on the plinth and exited the room. Cadman must have been waiting for him since she was in the hall and she pointed, "That way."
Rodney found the open door and sat in the chair in front of the desk. Beckett bustled in a moment later.
"First question. Do you want John here for this or not? That's up to you," Beckett asked.
Rodney debated. At this point, John was entitled to nothing since Rodney had not declared him the father of his baby and patient confidentiality should keep everything from him. On the other hand, he did get Rodney into a real doctor and was paying the bills. "He'll nag until I tell him everything, anyway. Let him in," Rodney decided.
"Fine, then," Beckett replied. He used the phone, "Show Mr. Sheppard into my office, please?"
John came in quietly and sat in the chair next to Rodney's.
"You're progressing reasonably well, Dr. McKay, but a couple of things worry me," Beckett started. "Your blood pressure is a bit high and while it may be about normal for you, it's not a good thing. You also haven't gained enough weight for as far along as you are but hopefully the blood tests will tell me more there. Have you been taking your vitamins?"
Rodney shifted, "Mostly. The clinic was able to give me a supply in the beginning and I took those but I haven't had any in a bit."
Beckett made a note and tapped on his computer, "Now, I put in a script for you for..." he looked at them, "the pharmacy near your apartment, John. You should be able to pick them up after you leave here." He tapped some more, "I'm going to suspect you're anemic also, so there's a supplement to go with it."
Rodney swallowed miserably but nodded. More to be beholden to John Sheppard for.
"From the look of you, I'll also say you haven't been sleeping well," Beckett continued. "That's actually pretty common about this stage but you need to rest more than I suspect you have been. That's bed rest, not just sitting in a chair in front of a television."
"I've never slept much," Rodney protested. "I'm managing fine."
"You fell sound asleep in a fifteen minute car ride," John put in. "That tells me you haven't been sleeping much at all."
"But I have work to do," Rodney protested.
"Thought you were out of work?" John asked.
"Free-lance, mostly," Rodney hastened to explain. "I can't do any live experiments but I've been doing data analysis and running simulations for some of the projects at work. Radek Zelenka, he and I were working together, has to pay me as a subcontractor, which is a great deal for them," he said bitterly. "But Radek knows how important to I am to the project and throws me as much work as he can."
"What do you do?" Beckett asked.
"I really am an astrophysicist," Rodney answered smugly. "Doing some work in particle physics which right now is studying radioactive isotopes." He put his hand on his belly, "Which is why it's too dangerous for me to be there."
"Well, you need to rest more and eat better," Beckett told him.
"I'll make sure of that," John answered.
Not wanting to make a fuss in front of the doctor, Rodney kept his opinion of that to himself. Beckett gave him pamphlets on proper diet, not too different from what he had gotten from the clinic and on the Internet, and Rodney simply took them to not give the doctor any reason to lecture him further.
Beckett took him out to the receptionist where he handed Rodney back his flash drive and made an appointment for another visit in two weeks. "I'll call you with the results from the blood tests as soon as they come in," Beckett promised.
John escorted Rodney back to the car and Rodney dropped into the passenger seat, grateful for the comfort. Knowing that he wasn't going to get away from John, he resigned himself to their 'talk'.
It wasn't a surprise when John headed back to his apartment. He didn't consult Rodney and Rodney knew neither one of them wanted to have this discussion in public. He gave in to the comfort and warmth of the car, closed his eyes and slept.
"Rodney?" A warm hand on his leg woke him.
"Okay," he answered automatically. He undid the seatbelt and opened the car door. John must have moved fast, he was there helping him out of the car and helping him stand upright.
In silence, John led them to his apartment. John ushered him in, took his coat and sat him in the living room.
Rodney looked around. Not much had changed since he had been here last. John never had been into decorating and the same pictures that had come with the apartment were on the walls. Even without the personal touches it had been comfortable because John had been here. He rubbed a hand on the arm of the couch they had spent hours watching television from.
"Something to eat or drink?" John offered. "Do you need to eat when you take your vitamins?"
"Hot tea, if you have it since I can't have coffee," Rodney asked. "And something to eat would be good, I guess. Vitamins sit better when I've had something to eat."
"Come to the kitchen then, so you can see what there is and help yourself," John decided.
Rodney got back up and followed John to the kitchen. John fussed over making hot water while Rodney rummaged through the refrigerator.
It was emptier than he was used to, John had never been anything of a cook but there always had been take out containers and leftover pizza. Seeing yogurt on a shelf, he read the back of some of the cartons to make sure they didn't have citrus in them and ended up with blueberry yogurt and an apple while John dug out a box of bagged tea that he put in front of Rodney. "Sugar? Milk?"
Rodney had always been a coffee drinker and had badgered John into upgrading the coffee maker in the apartment to a top of the line model. It sat forlornly in a corner of the kitchen counter.
"Sweetener, if you have it, sugar otherwise," Rodney requested. He found a spoon and a knife in a drawer and sat at the kitchen table. He cut up the apple to make it easier to eat. He cut the slices small enough to dip into the yogurt.
John found a sugar bowl, fixed two cups of tea and pushed one toward Rodney. He sat down across the table from Rodney.
"You weren't going to tell me?" John asked. Rodney could tell he was holding onto his temper but just barely.
Rodney sighed. "Obviously not," he answered.
"I guess...... no, I don't know. Why? Or at least, why weren't you going to tell me?" John demanded.
Rodney ate a slice of apple which he chewed slowly, mostly because he was hungry and eating too fast gave him indigestion but also to let John sweat for a minute. "You made it very clear that you weren't interested in anything but a one night stand. I was convenient and familiar and you moved on quickly." Rodney had been over it so much in his head that he could say it calmly even as his heart beat faster than normal. "When I saw you with Chaya the next night, I realized you really meant it when you told me to not get attached to you. So.... I didn't. When I found I was pregnant, telling you would mean we'd have to be involved. You weren't interested and I wasn't going to have you in and out of my life on your whim. End of story." He was very proud of the fact that his hand didn't shake as he ate the next slice of apple.
Rodney took in the stunned look on John's face. In some ways, it was familiar - John never did see it coming when it came to relationships and at one time they had laughed about it.
He missed the friend John had been, before they had become lovers. Oh, Rodney had always loved John but valued the friendship more. He had so few friends that each was treasured. In sleeping with John, he had lost both the friend and the lover.
Rodney ate the rest of the apple. "Anything else?" he asked. "Can I go home now?"
John didn't look at him when he said, "I want you to stay here."
"You want what?" Rodney yelped.
"I want you stay here," John repeated doggedly. "I have the space, you can work from here as easily as from your place and I.... well, I can keep an eye on you. And help."
"I'm all grown up and hardly need supervision," Rodney sneered.
John looked up into Rodney's eyes and admitted, "I missed you."
The sheer honesty in that stopped Rodney short. It was too close to his own feelings.
Rodney shook his head, "I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" He sighed but couldn't resist when John's eyes lit up in happiness. "I have a cat that I need to take care of, that means bringing him here. I stay in the guest bedroom, alone. If you want to date or see anyone else I don't want to know and I don't want you to bring anyone back here. Dave is the only one who knows, you don't tell anyone else. And I want you to pre-pay that doctor so I can keep going to him while I'm carrying this kid no matter what happens between us."
"I can do that," John promised. "You probably aren't supposed to deal with a litter box, we'll find someplace for it. What else do you need?"
"I need some clothes and my computer," Rodney said. "No, you can't go get them. Fenny'll not come to you, he's been abused and won't come out for anyone but me. My work things are all over and you won't have a clue. We may have to make more than one trip since sometimes I don't even know what I'll need."
"Now or do you want to take a nap first?" John asked.
"I slept in the car and Fenny needs to be fed," Rodney decided. "If I can feed him here after we've brought him over he might not get car sick." The thought of having to deal with cat-vomit made his stomach roll slightly.
"Fenny?" John asked.
"Fenchurch. Hitchhiker's Guide?" Rodney elaborated. He knew John would get it.
"Right," John grinned. "Okay then, we might as well go."
Rodney put the cup and spoon in the sink, "Garbage still under the sink?" He waved the yogurt container around.
"Yeah," John pointed.
The trip to Rodney's apartment was pretty much in silence except for Rodney's directions.
"How long have you been living here?" John looked around.
Rodney looked around, seeing what John would see. The apartment was more than slightly seedy, dark and cluttered with his belongings. The fact that John had serious money, being part of Sheppard Industries, and Rodney's respectable salary but not in John's league, had never been a factor in their friendship, it just worked. Rodney had done pretty well when he was working but now that he had to live off his savings, as well as prepare for a baby, he had given up his nicer apartment and moved into something that fit his budget. He figured he could move again after the baby was born and he could go back to work.
"After.... after I had to quit my job, I needed someplace I could afford," Rodney admitted. He looked around, "Let me get Fenny."
"What can I do?" John asked.
"See if there's anything in the fridge that's going to die and either bring it with us or throw it out," Rodney called. "Get some cat food together so we have something to feed Fenny."
Rodney went into the bedroom, taking a packing box that he had used to move with him since he really didn't have anything that resembled luggage. He threw in a variety of clothes and underwear. He got a second box for sneakers and his shaving kit. He left the towels and linens, he knew John would have all that. At some point he heard the thump that announced Fenny had come down from the dropped ceiling where he normally hid.
"Hey, you!" Rodney cooed. "Come on, we have a new place to live for a while. Not sure you're going to like it but it'll be okay." He picked up the orange tabby and scritched behind his ears.
It took some doing but he got Fenny into the carrier he had. Fenny growled at him, betrayed. "Yeah, I know," Rodney commiserated.
Rodney finished his packing and went out to the living room to get his computers and his paperwork. Rodney disconnected the computers and packed up the cables his figured he'd need, not knowing what John had handy. He semi-organized his paperwork so he could find what he needed.
"Two boxes in the bedroom and this box here," Rodney pointed. "Oh, and I probably need another box for the cat things."
"Probably can't fit anything more than this in the car," John looked critically at the boxes. "If you think there's anything else, pack up what you can and I'll come back for it later."
"That'll work," Rodney agreed. He'd have enough for at least a couple of days and could bully John into another trip then. He reached for the box of papers.
"Stop. What do you think you're doing?" John demanded.
"I'm not disabled," Rodney stated patiently. "I packed this so I can carry it." He grinned, "The really heavy ones are in the bedroom."
They left Fenny for last. John stooped down and before Rodney could stop him, put a finger into the mesh door of the carrier. "Hey, kitty..... fuck!" John ended up sitting on the floor, sucking on his finger.
"Told you he doesn't like people," Rodney smirked. "Need a bandage?"
John looked at his finger, "Guess not." He peered into the carrier at the now-hissing cat. "You better not do that again, or you and me will be having words, cat."
"Hey! Fenny was only defending himself," Rodney protested.
"Yeah, yeah," John soothed. "I'll live."
Rodney took the cat carrier, crooning to Fenny along the way. He buckled the carrier into the back seat and climbed into the front. The ride back was just as quiet.
Rodney took the carrier into the apartment. John pointed, "Guest bedroom." Rodney went into the room and looked around. Like he remembered, the bedroom had its own full bathroom and he set the cat carrier down there. He closed the door, sat on the toilet seat and opened the door to the carrier.
"Let's get used to this first," Rodney told the cat. "Then we can see about letting you out more. All right?"
Fenny looked disgusted and stayed in the carrier.
"I'll get you some food," Rodney promised. "Be right back."
John had brought a couple of the boxes up but not the one with the cat food. Rodney waited patiently for John to return.
"Cat food," he explained as he peered into the box in John's hand. He grabbed the box of dried food and the bowls he had been using and went back into the bathroom.
Rodney looked around and found the light switches. Playing with them, he found a dimmer that would give him a lower level of light, enough so he could see plainly but less harsh for the cat. He put food in one bowl and water in another. He set them both in a corner of the room. He rummaged around in the cabinet under the sink and took out the cleaning chemicals. While Fenny sat in the carrier, he got the litter box and set it up in the darker space under the sink. He put a towel over the top of the door so it wouldn't close completely.
"Now, going to leave you alone for a bit," Rodney told Fenny. He closed the bathroom door behind him.
While he was in with the cat, John had brought the boxes with his clothes into the bedroom and set the boxes next to the bed. Looking at the bed, Rodney was suddenly exhausted. He stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers and climbed between the crisp sheets.
Rodney woke gradually, feeling better than he had in a while. This bed was better for his back than the one in his apartment and, for once, he had taken a nap when he was tired rather than pushing through it.
Getting up, Rodney went into the bathroom where Fenny had spilled the dry food all over the floor. "Ow, fuck!" Damn, that hurt on his bare feet. He glared at the cat who sat smugly on the back of the toilet. "This is as good as it gets," he told Fenny. "Suck it up and live with it." He used his feet to sweep the food into one pile on the floor since he wasn't getting down on his hands and knees if he didn't have to. "I'll pick it up later," he looked at the cat.
Rodney splashed water on his face and went back out to the boxes to rummage through for his toothbrush. He brushed his teeth, thought about a shower and decided to take one later. He scritched Fenny behind the ears and closed the bathroom door behind him.
Rodney found sweatpants and a clean t-shirt and pulled them on. He wandered barefoot out into the main part of the apartment. John must have gone off to work or something since he obviously had gone somewhere. Rodney shuffled to the kitchen, hungry since all he'd had all day was the snack he'd eaten with John earlier.
Rummaging through the cabinets, Rodney found some soup and crackers. Grateful for the pull-top can and not having to scrounge for a can-opener, he found a pot in the cupboard next to the stove and poured the soup into it. Rodney put water into the teakettle for more tea. He ate a couple of crackers waiting for everything to heat up. It also gave him time to get out a bowl and silverware.
There really wasn't a lot of food if John planned to eat in at all, although the stack of take-out menus next to the phone indicated John probably ordered in more often than not. The kitchen had an unused look, like John was rarely there and it was clean because the cleaning people dutifully cleaned the entire apartment. Some canned soups, dry pasta, sugary cereal and snack food in the cabinets, couple of frozen dinners -- although higher quality than he usually got -- and ice cubes in the freezer and more yogurt and one apple in the fridge. Bottled water and a couple of bottles of beer were it.
Rodney put the dishes in the dishwasher and wandered out to the living area. It was one large room with a dining table and twelve chairs at one end, the sofa, chairs and television at the other. Rodney eyed the room critically and gave in to having to use the dining room table as a desk. Much as he liked the comfort of the sofa, he'd never be able to work on a computer from there, his back and the bump wouldn't let him. He dragged the box with his electronics near the table and started setting it up.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" shouted John.
Rodney bumped his head against the top of the table. "Ow. Don't do that!" he shouted back. He hadn't heard John come in and was startled. He wriggled out from under the table, sat back on his heels for a moment and rubbed the top of his head.
"What the hell are you doing crawling around on your hands and knees?" John demanded at a slightly lower volume.
Going back to what he was doing, Rodney answered, "Setting up my computers and equipment that I need. Why what does it look like I'm doing?"
"You shouldn't be crawling around like that!" John protested.
Plugging in the last power supply and checking to make sure the other cables were connected, Rodney wriggled back out from underneath the table. John was there immediately and offered a hand to help him stand.
"I wasn't doing anything dangerous," Rodney answered calmly looking up from the floor. "I was putting everything together and figured I'd start out reasonably neat and keep most of the cables under the table rather than over the floor where they could be a trip hazard. There's only one cable out to the power plug and it's on the far side where I suspect no one will be walking." He gave John a hard look. "I'm pregnant, not helpless."
Looking only slightly abashed, John persisted, "Crawling on your hands and knees can't be good for you."
"Look, I'm not going to explain everything I do to you but I planned this so I only had to get down there one time. I understand my own limitations," he raised his hand when John obviously was going to interrupt, "and while I won't always do what you think is right you have to believe I'm not going to hurt this child."
Rodney was surprised at his own outburst. Sure, he'd resigned himself to the pregnancy and the vague thought of what it meant but this was the first time he had truly felt like he was going to be a parent.
"I'm having a kid!" Rodney looked up at John in amazement. He sat, hard, on the floor.
"Well, that's what usually happens when you're pregnant," John drawled.
"No, you ass. I am having a child. Another human being that will be dependent on me," Rodney snarled. "I can barely take care of a cat. How am I going to take care of a kid?" Rodney started to panic. OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod
Then there was a warm body next to his, an arm around his shoulders. "Okay, breathe. In, out. In, out," John coached him. "Stop. I've got you."
Rodney followed the calm voice and started to breathe in and out slowly. Shuddering as he brought himself back under control he leaned into John, seeking comfort. "What am I going to do?"
"Well, first of all, we are going to get up off this floor and sit somewhere more comfortable," John declared firmly. He got to his feet and leaned over to help Rodney stand. "What have you had to eat all day?"
"Considering you have no food in this place, I'm lucky I haven't starved to death," Rodney complained. "I had soup and crackers a couple of hours ago."
"Pizza?" John asked.
"Cheese only," Rodney said sadly. "Pepperoni gives me heartburn that isn't worth suffering through. But you get your regular, I'll just enjoy it second hand."
"You remembered," John said softly.
"It's only been six months and I'm a genius," Rodney retorted sarcastically. "Of course I remember," he said more gently. I remember everything.
He realized he was still holding John's hand and reluctantly let it go. "Order pizza but we have got to go grocery shopping," Rodney said. "I'm not going to live on take out and since I need to eat regularly I need some things that are easy to fix. Fruit, cereal without quite so much sugar, granola bars, things like that." Rodney moved into the living room and sat on the couch.
"That sounds good," John agreed. "Can it wait until morning? We can go then."
Rodney shrugged, "That'll be fine. Don't you have to work?"
"Took some time off," John answered from the kitchen. Rodney could hear him calling for the pizza. He came back and said, "Forty-five minutes. Want anything before it comes?"
"I'll take one of those yogurts, if it's not a bother," Rodney asked. "And before they go bad."
"Sure," John answered. He brought the strawberry yogurt and a spoon. "Here you go."
They sat on the couch and John turned on the television. He flipped through the channels and ended up on a local news channel. Just then the baby kicked and Rodney gave a small "Oof!" and rubbed the spot. He saw John watching avidly and grabbed John's hand to put in the same place. "She's kicking, wait."
When John's eyes went big, he knew the other man felt the movement. "Rodney! It's.... amazing!"
Rodney realized how close they were. He could feel the heat radiating from John's body and if he wanted to -- and he really wanted to -- it wouldn't take much to lean in for a kiss.
John seemed to realize the same thing, "Rodney?" It was warm, soft, a puff of air on his skin.
Reluctantly, Rodney leaned back a fraction and the moment was broken. He looked down at John's hand on his stomach and said, "I.... it's too soon. I can't."
"It's okay," John soothed. "But thank you for that." He looked down at his hand.
"You're welcome," Rodney said.
They settled back to watch the news. The pizza came and they discussed the events of the day.
"Movie?" John offered. "If I don't have it, we can see what we can download."
Rodney rolled his eyes, "Anything but Back to the Future." As John smirked, Rodney went on, "Torchwood? As a compromise?"
"Sure," John agreed. "I can get that on download." He got the controls out and queued up the show. "Season 1?"
"Good enough," Rodney agreed.
Rodney lasted through two episodes before he started nodding off.
"Bedtime," John announced. "You need your sleep."
"Yes, mom," Rodney agreed without heat. It felt good to be able to sleep when he was tired.
They spent the next couple of weeks pretty much just hanging out. After going grocery shopping to stock the kitchen, Rodney cooked most of their meals. John would either run out and get things Rodney needed for a meal or manage to order it delivered to them. Rodney would work for a few hours in the afternoon on the projects Radek Zelenka had arranged for him, John would often take a jog while Rodney was working as a chance to get out of Rodney's hair for a while.
On especially nice days or on days the cleaning company came in to clean the apartment, John would drag Rodney out for a walk around the neighborhood. Rodney had grilled the cleaning crew on what kinds of chemicals they used when cleaning to make sure there was nothing with citrus and nothing that would harm the baby. Or Fenny, who hissed menacingly at the poor soul who had to clean his bathroom. Someone must have complained to John because John worked to get him out of the apartment before they came after that.
On their walks, they'd peer into store windows and sometimes go in and browse.
"I've never done this," Rodney said one day.
"Done what?" John asked.
"Walked around my own neighborhood," Rodney answered. "I knew there were shops like this" - they were in a teeny Lebanese bakery that barely held the two of them but had all the best smells - "but I never took the time to find them. This has been fun."
That got John's bright smile, the one hardly anyone saw. Rodney wanted to see more of it.
Evenings they would spend watching various movies and TV shows. Sometimes Rodney would talk John into a chess game, even though John's erratic style of play meant Rodney lost as often as he won. But it gave him a chance to sit across from John and watch as he considered his next move.
Rodney thought back to that almost-kiss. He almost.... almost wished he hadn't resisted quite so much. John kept his distance although occasionally Rodney would place John's hand on his belly when the baby was especially active. Rodney absorbed the feel of warm hands on him, storing the memory for the future.
John went with him to see Dr. Beckett. Everything was progressing normally and Rodney's blood tests were in barely acceptable ranges. Beckett kept the lecture to a minimum since he knew John was making sure Rodney took care of himself properly. Rodney made another appointment for two more weeks.
Over lunch one day, John asked, "I need to go to work for a bit. Day after tomorrow. Do you mind?"
Rodney was surprised. John seemed indifferent to his job since he had been there and this was the first indication that John even had a job. Not that he really needed to work, on the other hand this was the longest he had seen John do nothing.
"No problem," Rodney answered. "I can't expect you to babysit me forever." He hesitated and added somewhat diffidently, "Although it's been nice having you around."
John grinned. "Not a problem," he replied. "This is just something that's been in the works for a while, something I can't get out of."
"Go," Rodney replied. "I'll be fine."
"It'll be an all afternoon and into the evening," John elaborated. "Meetings, drinks, dinner, the whole works. Clients from Hong Kong that we need to wine and dine."
"I'll be fine," Rodney reiterated. "Been on my own for a long time."
"You sure?" John persisted.
"John," Rodney almost growled. "If you don't want to go, don't go. I'll be fine."
"Okay, okay," John laughed. "Busted. I really don't want to go but I have to. I have no idea when I'll get back, so don't wait up for me."
"No problem. Me and Fenny'll keep each other company," Rodney said. Fenny hadn't made it out of the guest bedroom, not for lack of trying on Rodney's part. As soon as John would try to see the cat, he'd hide in the bathroom and if John came any closer, he'd hiss menacingly. John had given up eventually, hoping that the cat would get used to him at some point.
John stopped to check on Rodney on his way out.
"Whoa, you clean up good," Rodney gushed. John in a business suit, obviously custom made by the way it fit, looked really good on John.
John blushed and tugged at the collar. "Can't wait to take this off," he admitted.
Now there was a dangerous thought, Rodney would like to be the one to take it off him.
"Have fun!" Rodney told him, suppressing the mental image.
"Call my cell if you need anything?" John asked.
"Yes, yes, yes. I'll lock the door behind you, not open the door to strangers and leave you on a light," Rodney snarked. "Go."
For a moment, Rodney thought John wanted to lean in for a kiss before he left. But the moment passed and John waved as he closed the door behind himself.
Rodney woke the next morning to find a hastily scribbled note in the kitchen.
Sorry. More work. Back tonight. --J
Shrugging, Rodney set to work earlier in the day than he usually did. Cooking for the two of them had been good for him nutritionally and gave him something useful to do. Since he was on his own, he had leftovers he could heat in the microwave and eat from the container.
The apartment phone rang in the middle of the afternoon. Surprised, since most of their calls came on their cell phones, he answered it cautiously, "Hello?"
"Hello. Is Johnny there?" the husky, female voice asked.
"I'm sorry, he's not here, can I take a message?" Rodney asked. Johnny?
The voice took on an obvious pout. "He's supposed to be with me. When he left this morning, he promised he'd spend the day with me, too, and I've been waiting for hours," she said dramatically. A sigh. "Tell him Teer is waiting impatiently at her place if he shows there."
Rodney's heart stopped. "I.... I'll let him know," he stuttered.
"Ciao," she said airily and hung up.
Rodney stared at the phone.
Something in him gave because, although Rodney remembered his brave statement about not minding if John dated anyone else, he found he really did mind. It hurt so damned much that it was hard to breathe for a minute. Rodney sat down to get his breath back. As he could breathe again, he made up his mind.
Rodney coaxed Fenny back into the carrier, threw a few things into a rolling suitcase he found in the closet in his room and packed up the essential computer gear. He didn't stop to think, he just worked quickly. He looked around once, figured John could deal with the rest of his things and quietly closed the door to the apartment behind him.
Once in his car he had to adjust the seat a bit to fit comfortably behind the wheel. "Getting too big for this," he grumped to Fenny. He knew John would follow him but he had nowhere else to go besides his apartment.
"Good thing we didn't take all the cat food," he told Fenny as he let the cat out. Fenny looked grateful to be back home himself. "Have to get something for myself, I guess." He rooted through the cabinets and found canned goods and some cereal that wasn't too bad. He could call out for delivery tonight and go shopping in the morning.
Not knowing what else to do, he crawled into bed. He put a hand on his stomach and talked to the baby.
"Just you and me, now," he murmured sadly. "Not sure how we're going to do this. I mean, I'm a genius but not so sure how good a dad I'm going to be. Hope I don't screw you up too much." He fell asleep.
Rodney woke to pounding. Someone was pounding on his apartment door and Fenny's feet were pounding as he ran to hide in panic at the sudden noise.
"Coming," he snarled, loud enough to make himself heard, and the noise stopped. He moved to get up and had to disentangle himself from the sheets he didn't remember pulling over himself. He sat on the side of the bed for a moment, to get his equilibrium and to delay, for just a moment, knowing what was coming.
"You left!" John all but shouted as he opened the door.
Rodney just stared. A sudden calmness came over him. "You know what? I can't do this anymore. Go away. Leave me alone," he stated. "I'll be fine." He moved to close the door.
"Rodney....." Pleading.
Rodney closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry but I've had enough. I knew I'd regret staying with you, that I'd only be hurt." He opened his eyes to see a stunned look on John's face. "I don't even know why you're here. Go away."
"I love you," John blurted. Then blushed.
Rodney laughed. He knew it sounded slightly manic but he couldn't help it.
"Two days ago, fuck, yesterday, I would have believed that. And maybe you really believe it yourself," Rodney mocked as his heart broke. "It's too late. I'm sorry."
Rodney watched as John sort of folded in on himself. He had to steel himself, he couldn't give in. He desperately needed to be true to himself. Loving John Sheppard only brought pain and heartbreak.
Taking his own deep breath, John straightened and said formally, "I'm sorry to have bothered you. I won't do it again." He turned and walked away.
Quietly shutting the door, Rodney put his back to the wood and slid down to the floor. He really hadn't expected John to give up without more of a fight but now he had to live with his own decisions. And without John.
Rodney let himself wallow in the grief and self-pity knowing he couldn't do so for very long. But for five minutes, he could do this. He could feel sorry for himself and for what he had lost.
Knowing his five minutes were up, Rodney awkwardly climbed to his feet and went off to make himself a meal from the tinned food in the cupboards. He'd do some shopping after he'd have something to eat. He looked down at his crumpled clothes. And after a shower.
Later in the week as he was doing his online banking, he muttered, "You bastard." His phone bill and rent were paid for the foreseeable future, his credit card had been paid off and there was a small balance in his savings account that hadn't been there before. John.
Knowing that he couldn't afford to pay it all back, he swallowed his pride and accepted it. He rubbed his stomach and justified it to himself by saying, "For you, kid. You're entitled."
The doctor's office was more awkward.
"Isnae John with you?" Dr. Beckett asked cheerfully.
"He... he was busy," Rodney stuttered. "He couldn't get away."
Beckett shot him an odd look but accepted the excuse at face value.
After the checkup, as Beckett was about to renew Rodney's prescription for vitamins and supplements, Rodney interrupted. "I need you to send that to this pharmacy," Rodney handed him a card he had gotten from the pharmacist about a block from his apartment.
"Dr. McKay. Rodney...." Beckett made that a gentle question.
Tired of it all, Rodney confessed sadly, "We're not together anymore. I need someplace more convenient."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Beckett asked. He was obviously curious but professional.
Rodney shook his head. "No... thanks.... I... I can't."
"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call," Beckett told him. "Even if you just need to talk. Call and you can come in any time you need to."
Rodney nodded.
"Okay, then. We need to schedule your delivery date," Beckett said practically.
"Already?" Rodney squawked.
"You're at almost eight months. The wee lass is doing fine and you'll both be ready soon," he confirmed briskly.
"What's best?" Rodney asked.
"About three weeks," Beckett decided. "That's close to your due date and for a first time I'd rather be a bit early than late. That will be easier on you." They looked at a calendar and decided a date and time.
"Anyone you want with you?" Beckett asked delicately.
"No," Rodney whispered. "Just me." He rubbed his stomach. "Just the two of us." He took a deep breath and sat up straighter. "We'll be fine. Thanks," he replied firmly.
Beckett shook his head but wisely refrained from saying anything else.
Rodney lay in bed, wishing he could see his toes. He hadn't seen his toes in a long time, he thought wistfully. He hoped they soaked enough in the shower to keep them clean. He thought for a second about going for a pedicure, just to have someone pamper his feet for a bit but thought it might be a bit girl-ly. Maybe the hormones were getting to him.
"Just two more days," he whispered to the bump. Well, it was more than a bump anymore and he felt like a whale, lying on his side in bed was the only comfortable position he could find. He had given up working for a bit, in fact had finished up and returned what Radek had sent him and needed to tell Radek he'd be out of commission for a few weeks.
The phone rang and he stretched to get it.
"Rodney?"
He didn't place the voice for a moment, then, "Dave?" he asked. "You're more of a bastard than your brother. Go away." He started to hang up.
"It's... John," Dave's voice came through the phone. Slowly, Rodney brought the phone back to his ear.
"Dave...." Rodney said warningly. "This better be serious."
"It is. Serious. Can you come?" Dave asked.
Something in Dave's tone made him agree. "Okay. I'll come," Rodney replied.
"When are you due?" Dave asked.
"Two days, why?" Rodney was curious.
"I'll send a car for you, you shouldn't drive," Dave answered. "Someone will be at your door in.... 30 minutes. Ummm. Bring your hospital bag, I suspect. That way you can stay."
Rodney's heart beat. Stay? OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod It had to be bad.
"Rodney! Rodney!" Dave's voice broke through the panic.
Sigh. "Yes, I'm here, but... hurry," Rodney told him.
Rodney called the teenager that lived on the first floor who was going to take care of Fenny when he was in the hospital. Well, 'take care of' was too broad a term for it. The kid would make sure there was food and water and clean the box. He'd probably never even see the cat. "I need you to start tonight," Rodney told him, "I'll pay you extra."
That arranged, he grabbed his hospital bag and threw some extra clothes into it. He went to the kitchen and threw in some power-bars since he didn't know where he was going and when he'd get a meal. He was ready by the time the doorbell rang.
"Dr. McKay?" the tall man asked. "Dave sent me."
"Really, that sounds too hokey to be true," Rodney snarked. "I'm ready."
"Ronon," the man said by way of introduction. He gently took the bag away from Rodney and led him to a car parked illegally in front of the building. Rodney was glad that Ronon didn't try to make small talk, only drove quickly but competently.
"Wait," Ronon commanded when they pulled up to a building Rodney wasn't familiar with. He pulled out a cell phone and dialed. "We're here," he said to whoever answered.
It was less than five minutes wait when Dave came out. "I'll take you up," Dave told him, taking his bag from the back seat of the car.
"What happened?" Rodney asked, slightly scared. "Is... is he going to be all right?"
"We don't know yet, which is why I wanted you to be here... in case...." Dave let that trail off.
"What is this?" Rodney asked, looking around. "It doesn't look like a hospital."
"It's.... a private research facility for Sheppard Industries," Dave answered. "We have our own infirmary. This way," he took Rodney up an elevator.
They went up to the top floor and Rodney marveled at the plush carpet and sophisticated lighting. Dave used a key card to open a door and stood back to let Rodney go in first.
There was a confusing flurry of activity where Rodney felt Dave give him a slight push into the room. He stumbled slightly with the push and flailed a bit to keep his balance as a voice inside shouted Careful! Before Rodney could make sense of what was happening, the door snicked closed behind him. Rodney turned to see his bag on the floor next to the door.
"Let me loose!"
Rodney hung his head. Fuck you, Dave Sheppard. He turned to see John handcuffed to a chair in the middle of a conference room.
"I should leave you there," Rodney called.
"He only tied me up so I couldn't escape until you got here," John wriggled in the chair. Softer, "Rodney, please? Key's on the table."
"Why should I?" Rodney demanded, incensed. "It's your fucking brother who keeps doing this to us. What aren't you telling me?"
John stilled at that. He looked down at his feet and said softly, "I don't know why you left."
Rodney took another chair and sat down, rubbing his stomach. "We're both pretty messed up, you know. I'm no prize and.... you know, for your good looks and all your money sometimes you're an asshole."
John winced at that brutal assessment but Rodney noticed he also didn't try to deny it.
"We've known each other for, what, almost ten years," Rodney continued. "You were my best friend. I'd never had a best friend like you before."
"Rodney....."
"Now? I don't know," Rodney stopped him. "I want you so much and... and I don't know what to do."
"Why did you leave?" John asked again softly.
Rodney laughed. "Your newest girlfriend Teer called and left a message. She had fun with you the night before and you had promised to come back and where were you?" he recounted. "I... I couldn't do it again." He took a deep breath. "It hurts too much to share you that way. I don't play well with others and I can't share you. So I had to leave."
"Teer?" John bit back his own laughter. "Teer is a darling 70 year old and grandmother of the head of the Hong Kong branch. We went for ice cream sundaes and I was supposed to meet her for brunch."
"She didn't sound 70," Rodney countered. "She sounded like.... a hussy."
This time John did laugh. "She'd love that," John said. "You have got to meet her to understand." John rattled the handcuffs. "Undo me? Please?"
Rodney hesitated.
"I need to talk to you and I can't do it like this," John explained, reasonably.
"Better be good," Rodney muttered. He got up and handed the key to John, who unlocked himself. He placed the handcuffs and the key on the table as Rodney sat back down.
John moved a chair next to Rodney's and reached out and took Rodney's hand with both of his. John rubbed a thumb along the back of Rodney's hand.
"I... I should have said this long age," John started slowly. "You are so special to me. When you left the first time, I thought.... I thought I screwed us up. Making love to you, that was amazing. I only said what I had said about not getting attached to give you an out if you wanted one. One I thought you took. I didn't know Chaya was in town until she showed up in my office."
John looked up and said, "I should have begged off, come back to you. But it was work and I thought I needed to be sociable. Then I came home and you were gone. I was pretty miserable to live with for a long time."
"I think Dave found me through the project I was working on," Rodney admitted. "He showed up one day but then didn't say much. I had started to show and that was just a couple of days before I had to quit. He just asked how I was doing and left. I thought you had sent him but then I didn't hear from you or him."
"He never said," John said. "He knew I was desperate to find you. Bastard."
Rodney gave a small laugh. "That he is!"
"That morning.... when you left again, Teer had said some things about family that night and, well, I thought.... I hoped," John let go of Rodney's hand with one hand and fumbled in his pocket. "I've been carrying this around since then."
He held Rodney's hand and slipped a plain gold band on Rodney's finger. "Marry me?"
Rodney was stunned. "John... you don't have to do this."
"That's just it," John explained with a note of desperation in his voice. "I don't have to but I want to." He leaned in for a small kiss. "I love you. Marry me."
"What about...." Rodney had to ask but he really didn't want to know.
John seem to understand. "There's been no one since you," he promised firmly. "I kept hoping... hoping you'd come back."
Rodney shifted in his chair. "John...."
"Say yes...." John begged.
"No... wait, not that....." Rodney put a hand on his stomach. "The baby...." Pain doubled him over.
"Fuck Dave for waiting so long," John swore. He left Rodney's side and Rodney could hear John yelling something at someone.... another pain....
"Easy," John put an arm around Rodney. "Let's get you on the floor. Help's coming."
"John," Rodney fought to say this. "Always loved you...." Pain turned to black.
Good drugs Rodney thought. Wait, the baby! He started to flail.
"Shh...." John's voice soothed.
"B'by?" Rodney mumbled.
"She's beautiful," John said proudly. "You scared the shit out of me but you and she are fine."
Rodney relaxed and fell back asleep.
The next time he woke felt more natural. He woke to see John sleeping in a chair next to the bed, holding his hand. He must have moved because John's head came up and his hand tightened around Rodney's.
"Hey," Rodney said hoarsely.
"Here, let me get you a drink," John got up. "Hold on." He reached for a plastic cup next to the bed, held the straw to Rodney's lips. "Easy."
"Thanks," Rodney mumbled. "Where...."
"She's here," John answered. "Let me sit you up a bit first." John fiddled with the bed to put Rodney into a more upright position. "Doc says you're not supposed to use those stomach muscles for a few days until the stitches get a chance to heal better."
Rodney remembered talking about that and from the twinge he was getting in spite of the drugs, he suspected that really hurt. "Yeah, have to remember to be careful," Rodney answered.
John went across the room and picked up a bundle from the bed against the wall. He gingerly held the bundle and settled it into Rodney's waiting arms.
"Do... you have a name?" John asked. "I didn't know what to tell them so she's still 'Baby Girl' at the moment."
Rodney looked down at the child in his arms. She was sound asleep, thank goodness, but the mop of dark hair was pure John. He burrowed into the wrapping to find a hand and count the fingers. They were tiny and amazing.
Not looking up, Rodney offered, "I was thinking.... Norah Jean. Norah with an 'H', Jean's for my sister Jeannie."
"Rodney!" John exclaimed. "That's... that was my grandmother's name... Norah...."
Rodney felt suddenly shy and stuttered, "I know... I, ummm..... looked you up and found that. It's a good name."
"Shining light," John said, reaching out to the tiny hand that instinctively grabbed his finger.
Rodney watched John play with their daughter and said, "John?" When John looked up at him, he went on, "Yes."
Grasping his meaning immediately, John beamed, "Really?"
"Yes, you idiot, I'll marry you," Rodney expanded with his own smile.
John leaned carefully over Norah for a kiss. Rodney reached his free hand to drag John in for a longer, deeper kiss.
"Norah Jean McKay-Sheppard," Rodney said against John's lips.
EPILOGUE
They made Dave arrange and pay for the small wedding. Rodney figured it was appropriate since it was Dave who had figured out how much John needed to be with Rodney. How much they needed to be together.
Tired of Jeannie's email and phone rants about not letting her know he was pregnant, Rodney had stopped Jeannie's in-person rant by simply placing Norah in her arms.
"Rodney! Oh, she's adorable!" Jeannie gushed.
"Yeah, she is," Rodney smiled. "She's almost sleeping through the night and John takes a lot of the night feedings." He leaned in to say, "Although I caught him singing Johnny Cash songs to her one night."
"Hey!" John wrapped an arm around Rodney's waist. "Only the best for our girl."
Rodney leaned back into John and reveled in the feeling of the warm body behind him as John wrapped his other arm around him. He placed a hand on John's and turned his head for a kiss.
"Are we ready?" the minister called.
"Yes," John answered for both of them. "Come on, let's get married."
Author: goddess47
Rating: R - mostly for swears
Warnings/Spoilers: MPreg; none otherwise, total Harlequin AU
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Length: 10,000 words (how did that happen?)
Summary: "Pregnant? Yes," Rodney snarled. "Now that Dave's devious plan has worked, you know about it. Yes, it's yours. No, you don't have to have anything to do with it... her......"
::Looks around to see who's looking. It's still Saturday... somewhere.... isn't it? Sneaking in under the wire.::
This is all velocitygrass's fault. She mentioned that she signed up for undermistletoe and it looked cool (and it is). Then of course I had to write a fic that ate my brain.... what was I thinking?
Dedicated to fenchurch1 -- hope you like how it turned out, sweetie! Thanks for the help! Any mistakes are mine since I tinkered right to the end.
"Rodney?"
Rodney stiffened at the sound of the voice calling his name. Fuck you, Dave Sheppard, he thought.
"Rodney, what the hell are you doing here?" John Sheppard demanded from behind him. Rodney didn't want to turn, to look at the man who had broken his heart.
"Dave asked you to meet him, didn't he?" Rodney asked from his seat on the bench he had been -- supposedly -- waiting for John's brother Dave. He didn't turn around.
"Fuck!" John swore meaningfully.
"We were both had," Rodney snarked.
The silence that followed that was more than uncomfortable. Rodney wished fervently that John would just leave.
"How... how are you?" John asked tentatively.
"Fine," Rodney bit out. Goawaygoawaygoaway
Footsteps coming closer was Rodney's only warning. John came around the bench Rodney was sitting on to stand in front of him. When he got to the bench he stopped and Rodney could feel green eyes staring at him. He saw those eyes in his sleep, he couldn't look into them here.
"Happy now?" Rodney said bitterly. "Go away."
"Rodney? What......" John stammered. "Are you...."
"Pregnant? Yes," Rodney snarled. "Now that Dave's devious plan has worked, you know about it. Yes, it's yours. No, you don't have to have anything to do with it... her......" At that Rodney stumbled.
"A girl? You're having a girl?" John asked with a touch of happiness Rodney couldn't not hear. He sat down on the bench next to Rodney and started to reach out a hand to touch Rodney's baby bump. Rodney couldn't stop the flinch. "Sorry," John muttered, withdrawing his hand.
"If you're done, I'll be leaving," Rodney sighed. "Tell Dave.... never mind, I'll tell him myself."
"You'll talk to my brother and you won't talk to me?" John demanded, unconsciously raising his voice slightly.
"I'll talk to whomever I want to talk to," Rodney shot back. "Now, if you'll excuse me...." He started to get up but wobbled a bit as he stood. He had been sitting too long and he still wasn't used to the change in his center of gravity.
"Got you," John said mildly, putting a hand under his elbow.
Not wanting to appear ungracious, Rodney took a deep breath and said, "Thank you." He started to walk towards the lot where he had parked his car.
"Don't go," John called.
Rodney stopped and dropped his head. He took another deep breath and sighed. "I can't do this," Rodney said to himself as much as to the man behind him. "Don't... just don't."
"How are you managing?" John asked from too close behind him.
Rodney turned around to find that John was right behind him. "Now you ask? If you must know I can't work because it's too dangerous to the baby, I'm living on my savings, I go to a clinic for checkups since my health insurance doesn't cover pregnancy and I can't drink coffee. I'm managing just fine!" Rodney advanced on the other man. "Leave. Me. Alone."
It might have worked if there hadn't been a lose piece of pavement under his feet. As he turned to go to his car, he stumbled and fell, landing on his hands and knees. Slightly stunned, Rodney stayed there and panted.
"I don't care how well you think you're managing," John commanded, "you're coming with me." John hauled Rodney to his feet and ran his hands gently over Rodney to make sure he hadn't hurt himself. Rodney was shaken enough to let John guide him to his car and settle him into it.
"Just... take me home," Rodney pleaded.
"No," John answered shortly. "I'm getting you checked out and making sure you're okay. Then... then we're going to talk."
Suddenly tired of fighting, Rodney sat back and closed his eyes. He heard John on the phone before they drove away but fell asleep before he knew it.
"Rodney? Can you wake up for me?" John called softly.
Rodney woke with a start. "Wha... where are we?" he asked sleepily.
"Doctor's office. Can you walk or do you want me to get some help?" John asked.
Rodney rubbed his eyes and considered. "I can walk, just.... just give me a minute."
"When you're ready," John answered patiently.
Rodney really wanted to go back to sleep. This damned car seat was the best thing he had slept in recently, he was warm and comfortable. But with John waiting, he fought to wake up. "Okay, guess I'm ready," Rodney allowed.
John gave him a hand to help him out of the car, then withdrew it once Rodney was standing. "This way," John indicated an elevator bank just past the car.
They went to the fifteenth floor and John sat Rodney down in a comfortable chair. Rodney wanted to laugh, this waiting room chair was in better shape than the best chair he had in his apartment.
"Wait here," John said firmly. He went behind the closed door.
Only because this was his one chance to see a real doctor about his pregnancy, Rodney stayed. The doctors in the clinic were competent but they could only do so much for him and Rodney knew with his allergies and hypoglycemia that he really should see a specialist at least once. The OB specialists at the clinic would only see obviously high-risk patients and patients with lesser risks like Rodney didn't have a chance.
John came back into the room with another man, "Rodney, meet Dr. Carson Beckett. He's willing to take you on and he'd like to check you out."
"You're making him do this but I'll take you up on it," Rodney said calmly.
"Mr. McKay....." Dr. Beckett started.
"Dr. McKay," Rodney corrected him automatically.
"Dr. McKay, can you come with me?" Dr. Beckett asked patiently but Rodney saw the look he shot John.
Beckett let him to an examining room. He sat Rodney down in a chair, "Before we go too far, I need to take a history. John tells me you've been going to a clinic."
Rodney shifted and dug a ring of keys with a couple of attached flash drives out of his pocket. He disconnected one flash drive and handed it to the doctor. "This'll be easier," Rodney told him. "It's my clinic records. I make them give me a copy every time I go since I don't always see the same doctor. Just easier to have my own medical records. Password is astrophysicist."
Beckett took the flash drive gingerly. "May I make a copy?" he asked. At Rodney's nod, he stood and dug into a drawer. He handed Rodney a gown and said, "You know the procedure, then. I'll have Laura come in and take your blood pressure and blood samples for testing and be back in a few minutes."
Resigned to the indignity, Rodney quickly stripped off his clothes after the doctor left but kept on his socks. Even with the carpet his feet tended to be cold and there was nothing there for the doctor to look at related to being pregnant. A tap on the door was his warning that the nurse was coming in.
"Dr. McKay?" asked the woman much too cheerfully for Rodney. "I'm Laura Cadman, Dr. Beckett's assistant. Hop up on the table and I'll get started."
"There is no hopping in me," Rodney shot back. But he eased himself onto the table and dangled his legs over the edge. With a grin, she took his pressure - "A bit high but not too bad" - and then took five vials of blood for testing.
As Beckett came back into the room, Rodney said, "Your nurse is a vampire, why so many samples?"
"Standard procedure for a new patient," Beckett soothed. "While you've been getting basic testing at the clinic, I want to run some additional tests to make sure you have no problems they've missed."
Slightly mollified, Rodney nodded.
Beckett looked at his computer screen. "You're twenty-six weeks pregnant, your blood pressure is a little high but your other medical records don't seem to think it's a problem. You have a series of allergies and are hypoglycemic. Other than that, you've had a pretty normal pregnancy to date. Is all of that correct?"
"Yes," Rodney answered.
"Good, now sit back and let me take a look at you," Beckett ordered.
Cadman came back as Beckett did the exam, asking the same questions the other doctors had asked and Cadman dutifully wrote down whatever Beckett told her. It didn't take long and they had Rodney off the plinth and sitting in the exam room chair again.
"How about if I let you get dressed and we can finish this up in my office?" Beckett suggested.
Knowing he'd feel better with clothes on, he agreed. "Make sure I get a copy of everything," Rodney said.
"Yes, yes," Beckett answered.
It only took Rodney a couple of minutes to dress. Not taking off his socks and wearing loafers made the footwear, which was really the hardest part of getting dressed now, easier. He left the gown on the plinth and exited the room. Cadman must have been waiting for him since she was in the hall and she pointed, "That way."
Rodney found the open door and sat in the chair in front of the desk. Beckett bustled in a moment later.
"First question. Do you want John here for this or not? That's up to you," Beckett asked.
Rodney debated. At this point, John was entitled to nothing since Rodney had not declared him the father of his baby and patient confidentiality should keep everything from him. On the other hand, he did get Rodney into a real doctor and was paying the bills. "He'll nag until I tell him everything, anyway. Let him in," Rodney decided.
"Fine, then," Beckett replied. He used the phone, "Show Mr. Sheppard into my office, please?"
John came in quietly and sat in the chair next to Rodney's.
"You're progressing reasonably well, Dr. McKay, but a couple of things worry me," Beckett started. "Your blood pressure is a bit high and while it may be about normal for you, it's not a good thing. You also haven't gained enough weight for as far along as you are but hopefully the blood tests will tell me more there. Have you been taking your vitamins?"
Rodney shifted, "Mostly. The clinic was able to give me a supply in the beginning and I took those but I haven't had any in a bit."
Beckett made a note and tapped on his computer, "Now, I put in a script for you for..." he looked at them, "the pharmacy near your apartment, John. You should be able to pick them up after you leave here." He tapped some more, "I'm going to suspect you're anemic also, so there's a supplement to go with it."
Rodney swallowed miserably but nodded. More to be beholden to John Sheppard for.
"From the look of you, I'll also say you haven't been sleeping well," Beckett continued. "That's actually pretty common about this stage but you need to rest more than I suspect you have been. That's bed rest, not just sitting in a chair in front of a television."
"I've never slept much," Rodney protested. "I'm managing fine."
"You fell sound asleep in a fifteen minute car ride," John put in. "That tells me you haven't been sleeping much at all."
"But I have work to do," Rodney protested.
"Thought you were out of work?" John asked.
"Free-lance, mostly," Rodney hastened to explain. "I can't do any live experiments but I've been doing data analysis and running simulations for some of the projects at work. Radek Zelenka, he and I were working together, has to pay me as a subcontractor, which is a great deal for them," he said bitterly. "But Radek knows how important to I am to the project and throws me as much work as he can."
"What do you do?" Beckett asked.
"I really am an astrophysicist," Rodney answered smugly. "Doing some work in particle physics which right now is studying radioactive isotopes." He put his hand on his belly, "Which is why it's too dangerous for me to be there."
"Well, you need to rest more and eat better," Beckett told him.
"I'll make sure of that," John answered.
Not wanting to make a fuss in front of the doctor, Rodney kept his opinion of that to himself. Beckett gave him pamphlets on proper diet, not too different from what he had gotten from the clinic and on the Internet, and Rodney simply took them to not give the doctor any reason to lecture him further.
Beckett took him out to the receptionist where he handed Rodney back his flash drive and made an appointment for another visit in two weeks. "I'll call you with the results from the blood tests as soon as they come in," Beckett promised.
John escorted Rodney back to the car and Rodney dropped into the passenger seat, grateful for the comfort. Knowing that he wasn't going to get away from John, he resigned himself to their 'talk'.
It wasn't a surprise when John headed back to his apartment. He didn't consult Rodney and Rodney knew neither one of them wanted to have this discussion in public. He gave in to the comfort and warmth of the car, closed his eyes and slept.
"Rodney?" A warm hand on his leg woke him.
"Okay," he answered automatically. He undid the seatbelt and opened the car door. John must have moved fast, he was there helping him out of the car and helping him stand upright.
In silence, John led them to his apartment. John ushered him in, took his coat and sat him in the living room.
Rodney looked around. Not much had changed since he had been here last. John never had been into decorating and the same pictures that had come with the apartment were on the walls. Even without the personal touches it had been comfortable because John had been here. He rubbed a hand on the arm of the couch they had spent hours watching television from.
"Something to eat or drink?" John offered. "Do you need to eat when you take your vitamins?"
"Hot tea, if you have it since I can't have coffee," Rodney asked. "And something to eat would be good, I guess. Vitamins sit better when I've had something to eat."
"Come to the kitchen then, so you can see what there is and help yourself," John decided.
Rodney got back up and followed John to the kitchen. John fussed over making hot water while Rodney rummaged through the refrigerator.
It was emptier than he was used to, John had never been anything of a cook but there always had been take out containers and leftover pizza. Seeing yogurt on a shelf, he read the back of some of the cartons to make sure they didn't have citrus in them and ended up with blueberry yogurt and an apple while John dug out a box of bagged tea that he put in front of Rodney. "Sugar? Milk?"
Rodney had always been a coffee drinker and had badgered John into upgrading the coffee maker in the apartment to a top of the line model. It sat forlornly in a corner of the kitchen counter.
"Sweetener, if you have it, sugar otherwise," Rodney requested. He found a spoon and a knife in a drawer and sat at the kitchen table. He cut up the apple to make it easier to eat. He cut the slices small enough to dip into the yogurt.
John found a sugar bowl, fixed two cups of tea and pushed one toward Rodney. He sat down across the table from Rodney.
"You weren't going to tell me?" John asked. Rodney could tell he was holding onto his temper but just barely.
Rodney sighed. "Obviously not," he answered.
"I guess...... no, I don't know. Why? Or at least, why weren't you going to tell me?" John demanded.
Rodney ate a slice of apple which he chewed slowly, mostly because he was hungry and eating too fast gave him indigestion but also to let John sweat for a minute. "You made it very clear that you weren't interested in anything but a one night stand. I was convenient and familiar and you moved on quickly." Rodney had been over it so much in his head that he could say it calmly even as his heart beat faster than normal. "When I saw you with Chaya the next night, I realized you really meant it when you told me to not get attached to you. So.... I didn't. When I found I was pregnant, telling you would mean we'd have to be involved. You weren't interested and I wasn't going to have you in and out of my life on your whim. End of story." He was very proud of the fact that his hand didn't shake as he ate the next slice of apple.
Rodney took in the stunned look on John's face. In some ways, it was familiar - John never did see it coming when it came to relationships and at one time they had laughed about it.
He missed the friend John had been, before they had become lovers. Oh, Rodney had always loved John but valued the friendship more. He had so few friends that each was treasured. In sleeping with John, he had lost both the friend and the lover.
Rodney ate the rest of the apple. "Anything else?" he asked. "Can I go home now?"
John didn't look at him when he said, "I want you to stay here."
"You want what?" Rodney yelped.
"I want you stay here," John repeated doggedly. "I have the space, you can work from here as easily as from your place and I.... well, I can keep an eye on you. And help."
"I'm all grown up and hardly need supervision," Rodney sneered.
John looked up into Rodney's eyes and admitted, "I missed you."
The sheer honesty in that stopped Rodney short. It was too close to his own feelings.
Rodney shook his head, "I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" He sighed but couldn't resist when John's eyes lit up in happiness. "I have a cat that I need to take care of, that means bringing him here. I stay in the guest bedroom, alone. If you want to date or see anyone else I don't want to know and I don't want you to bring anyone back here. Dave is the only one who knows, you don't tell anyone else. And I want you to pre-pay that doctor so I can keep going to him while I'm carrying this kid no matter what happens between us."
"I can do that," John promised. "You probably aren't supposed to deal with a litter box, we'll find someplace for it. What else do you need?"
"I need some clothes and my computer," Rodney said. "No, you can't go get them. Fenny'll not come to you, he's been abused and won't come out for anyone but me. My work things are all over and you won't have a clue. We may have to make more than one trip since sometimes I don't even know what I'll need."
"Now or do you want to take a nap first?" John asked.
"I slept in the car and Fenny needs to be fed," Rodney decided. "If I can feed him here after we've brought him over he might not get car sick." The thought of having to deal with cat-vomit made his stomach roll slightly.
"Fenny?" John asked.
"Fenchurch. Hitchhiker's Guide?" Rodney elaborated. He knew John would get it.
"Right," John grinned. "Okay then, we might as well go."
Rodney put the cup and spoon in the sink, "Garbage still under the sink?" He waved the yogurt container around.
"Yeah," John pointed.
The trip to Rodney's apartment was pretty much in silence except for Rodney's directions.
"How long have you been living here?" John looked around.
Rodney looked around, seeing what John would see. The apartment was more than slightly seedy, dark and cluttered with his belongings. The fact that John had serious money, being part of Sheppard Industries, and Rodney's respectable salary but not in John's league, had never been a factor in their friendship, it just worked. Rodney had done pretty well when he was working but now that he had to live off his savings, as well as prepare for a baby, he had given up his nicer apartment and moved into something that fit his budget. He figured he could move again after the baby was born and he could go back to work.
"After.... after I had to quit my job, I needed someplace I could afford," Rodney admitted. He looked around, "Let me get Fenny."
"What can I do?" John asked.
"See if there's anything in the fridge that's going to die and either bring it with us or throw it out," Rodney called. "Get some cat food together so we have something to feed Fenny."
Rodney went into the bedroom, taking a packing box that he had used to move with him since he really didn't have anything that resembled luggage. He threw in a variety of clothes and underwear. He got a second box for sneakers and his shaving kit. He left the towels and linens, he knew John would have all that. At some point he heard the thump that announced Fenny had come down from the dropped ceiling where he normally hid.
"Hey, you!" Rodney cooed. "Come on, we have a new place to live for a while. Not sure you're going to like it but it'll be okay." He picked up the orange tabby and scritched behind his ears.
It took some doing but he got Fenny into the carrier he had. Fenny growled at him, betrayed. "Yeah, I know," Rodney commiserated.
Rodney finished his packing and went out to the living room to get his computers and his paperwork. Rodney disconnected the computers and packed up the cables his figured he'd need, not knowing what John had handy. He semi-organized his paperwork so he could find what he needed.
"Two boxes in the bedroom and this box here," Rodney pointed. "Oh, and I probably need another box for the cat things."
"Probably can't fit anything more than this in the car," John looked critically at the boxes. "If you think there's anything else, pack up what you can and I'll come back for it later."
"That'll work," Rodney agreed. He'd have enough for at least a couple of days and could bully John into another trip then. He reached for the box of papers.
"Stop. What do you think you're doing?" John demanded.
"I'm not disabled," Rodney stated patiently. "I packed this so I can carry it." He grinned, "The really heavy ones are in the bedroom."
They left Fenny for last. John stooped down and before Rodney could stop him, put a finger into the mesh door of the carrier. "Hey, kitty..... fuck!" John ended up sitting on the floor, sucking on his finger.
"Told you he doesn't like people," Rodney smirked. "Need a bandage?"
John looked at his finger, "Guess not." He peered into the carrier at the now-hissing cat. "You better not do that again, or you and me will be having words, cat."
"Hey! Fenny was only defending himself," Rodney protested.
"Yeah, yeah," John soothed. "I'll live."
Rodney took the cat carrier, crooning to Fenny along the way. He buckled the carrier into the back seat and climbed into the front. The ride back was just as quiet.
Rodney took the carrier into the apartment. John pointed, "Guest bedroom." Rodney went into the room and looked around. Like he remembered, the bedroom had its own full bathroom and he set the cat carrier down there. He closed the door, sat on the toilet seat and opened the door to the carrier.
"Let's get used to this first," Rodney told the cat. "Then we can see about letting you out more. All right?"
Fenny looked disgusted and stayed in the carrier.
"I'll get you some food," Rodney promised. "Be right back."
John had brought a couple of the boxes up but not the one with the cat food. Rodney waited patiently for John to return.
"Cat food," he explained as he peered into the box in John's hand. He grabbed the box of dried food and the bowls he had been using and went back into the bathroom.
Rodney looked around and found the light switches. Playing with them, he found a dimmer that would give him a lower level of light, enough so he could see plainly but less harsh for the cat. He put food in one bowl and water in another. He set them both in a corner of the room. He rummaged around in the cabinet under the sink and took out the cleaning chemicals. While Fenny sat in the carrier, he got the litter box and set it up in the darker space under the sink. He put a towel over the top of the door so it wouldn't close completely.
"Now, going to leave you alone for a bit," Rodney told Fenny. He closed the bathroom door behind him.
While he was in with the cat, John had brought the boxes with his clothes into the bedroom and set the boxes next to the bed. Looking at the bed, Rodney was suddenly exhausted. He stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers and climbed between the crisp sheets.
Rodney woke gradually, feeling better than he had in a while. This bed was better for his back than the one in his apartment and, for once, he had taken a nap when he was tired rather than pushing through it.
Getting up, Rodney went into the bathroom where Fenny had spilled the dry food all over the floor. "Ow, fuck!" Damn, that hurt on his bare feet. He glared at the cat who sat smugly on the back of the toilet. "This is as good as it gets," he told Fenny. "Suck it up and live with it." He used his feet to sweep the food into one pile on the floor since he wasn't getting down on his hands and knees if he didn't have to. "I'll pick it up later," he looked at the cat.
Rodney splashed water on his face and went back out to the boxes to rummage through for his toothbrush. He brushed his teeth, thought about a shower and decided to take one later. He scritched Fenny behind the ears and closed the bathroom door behind him.
Rodney found sweatpants and a clean t-shirt and pulled them on. He wandered barefoot out into the main part of the apartment. John must have gone off to work or something since he obviously had gone somewhere. Rodney shuffled to the kitchen, hungry since all he'd had all day was the snack he'd eaten with John earlier.
Rummaging through the cabinets, Rodney found some soup and crackers. Grateful for the pull-top can and not having to scrounge for a can-opener, he found a pot in the cupboard next to the stove and poured the soup into it. Rodney put water into the teakettle for more tea. He ate a couple of crackers waiting for everything to heat up. It also gave him time to get out a bowl and silverware.
There really wasn't a lot of food if John planned to eat in at all, although the stack of take-out menus next to the phone indicated John probably ordered in more often than not. The kitchen had an unused look, like John was rarely there and it was clean because the cleaning people dutifully cleaned the entire apartment. Some canned soups, dry pasta, sugary cereal and snack food in the cabinets, couple of frozen dinners -- although higher quality than he usually got -- and ice cubes in the freezer and more yogurt and one apple in the fridge. Bottled water and a couple of bottles of beer were it.
Rodney put the dishes in the dishwasher and wandered out to the living area. It was one large room with a dining table and twelve chairs at one end, the sofa, chairs and television at the other. Rodney eyed the room critically and gave in to having to use the dining room table as a desk. Much as he liked the comfort of the sofa, he'd never be able to work on a computer from there, his back and the bump wouldn't let him. He dragged the box with his electronics near the table and started setting it up.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" shouted John.
Rodney bumped his head against the top of the table. "Ow. Don't do that!" he shouted back. He hadn't heard John come in and was startled. He wriggled out from under the table, sat back on his heels for a moment and rubbed the top of his head.
"What the hell are you doing crawling around on your hands and knees?" John demanded at a slightly lower volume.
Going back to what he was doing, Rodney answered, "Setting up my computers and equipment that I need. Why what does it look like I'm doing?"
"You shouldn't be crawling around like that!" John protested.
Plugging in the last power supply and checking to make sure the other cables were connected, Rodney wriggled back out from underneath the table. John was there immediately and offered a hand to help him stand.
"I wasn't doing anything dangerous," Rodney answered calmly looking up from the floor. "I was putting everything together and figured I'd start out reasonably neat and keep most of the cables under the table rather than over the floor where they could be a trip hazard. There's only one cable out to the power plug and it's on the far side where I suspect no one will be walking." He gave John a hard look. "I'm pregnant, not helpless."
Looking only slightly abashed, John persisted, "Crawling on your hands and knees can't be good for you."
"Look, I'm not going to explain everything I do to you but I planned this so I only had to get down there one time. I understand my own limitations," he raised his hand when John obviously was going to interrupt, "and while I won't always do what you think is right you have to believe I'm not going to hurt this child."
Rodney was surprised at his own outburst. Sure, he'd resigned himself to the pregnancy and the vague thought of what it meant but this was the first time he had truly felt like he was going to be a parent.
"I'm having a kid!" Rodney looked up at John in amazement. He sat, hard, on the floor.
"Well, that's what usually happens when you're pregnant," John drawled.
"No, you ass. I am having a child. Another human being that will be dependent on me," Rodney snarled. "I can barely take care of a cat. How am I going to take care of a kid?" Rodney started to panic. OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod
Then there was a warm body next to his, an arm around his shoulders. "Okay, breathe. In, out. In, out," John coached him. "Stop. I've got you."
Rodney followed the calm voice and started to breathe in and out slowly. Shuddering as he brought himself back under control he leaned into John, seeking comfort. "What am I going to do?"
"Well, first of all, we are going to get up off this floor and sit somewhere more comfortable," John declared firmly. He got to his feet and leaned over to help Rodney stand. "What have you had to eat all day?"
"Considering you have no food in this place, I'm lucky I haven't starved to death," Rodney complained. "I had soup and crackers a couple of hours ago."
"Pizza?" John asked.
"Cheese only," Rodney said sadly. "Pepperoni gives me heartburn that isn't worth suffering through. But you get your regular, I'll just enjoy it second hand."
"You remembered," John said softly.
"It's only been six months and I'm a genius," Rodney retorted sarcastically. "Of course I remember," he said more gently. I remember everything.
He realized he was still holding John's hand and reluctantly let it go. "Order pizza but we have got to go grocery shopping," Rodney said. "I'm not going to live on take out and since I need to eat regularly I need some things that are easy to fix. Fruit, cereal without quite so much sugar, granola bars, things like that." Rodney moved into the living room and sat on the couch.
"That sounds good," John agreed. "Can it wait until morning? We can go then."
Rodney shrugged, "That'll be fine. Don't you have to work?"
"Took some time off," John answered from the kitchen. Rodney could hear him calling for the pizza. He came back and said, "Forty-five minutes. Want anything before it comes?"
"I'll take one of those yogurts, if it's not a bother," Rodney asked. "And before they go bad."
"Sure," John answered. He brought the strawberry yogurt and a spoon. "Here you go."
They sat on the couch and John turned on the television. He flipped through the channels and ended up on a local news channel. Just then the baby kicked and Rodney gave a small "Oof!" and rubbed the spot. He saw John watching avidly and grabbed John's hand to put in the same place. "She's kicking, wait."
When John's eyes went big, he knew the other man felt the movement. "Rodney! It's.... amazing!"
Rodney realized how close they were. He could feel the heat radiating from John's body and if he wanted to -- and he really wanted to -- it wouldn't take much to lean in for a kiss.
John seemed to realize the same thing, "Rodney?" It was warm, soft, a puff of air on his skin.
Reluctantly, Rodney leaned back a fraction and the moment was broken. He looked down at John's hand on his stomach and said, "I.... it's too soon. I can't."
"It's okay," John soothed. "But thank you for that." He looked down at his hand.
"You're welcome," Rodney said.
They settled back to watch the news. The pizza came and they discussed the events of the day.
"Movie?" John offered. "If I don't have it, we can see what we can download."
Rodney rolled his eyes, "Anything but Back to the Future." As John smirked, Rodney went on, "Torchwood? As a compromise?"
"Sure," John agreed. "I can get that on download." He got the controls out and queued up the show. "Season 1?"
"Good enough," Rodney agreed.
Rodney lasted through two episodes before he started nodding off.
"Bedtime," John announced. "You need your sleep."
"Yes, mom," Rodney agreed without heat. It felt good to be able to sleep when he was tired.
They spent the next couple of weeks pretty much just hanging out. After going grocery shopping to stock the kitchen, Rodney cooked most of their meals. John would either run out and get things Rodney needed for a meal or manage to order it delivered to them. Rodney would work for a few hours in the afternoon on the projects Radek Zelenka had arranged for him, John would often take a jog while Rodney was working as a chance to get out of Rodney's hair for a while.
On especially nice days or on days the cleaning company came in to clean the apartment, John would drag Rodney out for a walk around the neighborhood. Rodney had grilled the cleaning crew on what kinds of chemicals they used when cleaning to make sure there was nothing with citrus and nothing that would harm the baby. Or Fenny, who hissed menacingly at the poor soul who had to clean his bathroom. Someone must have complained to John because John worked to get him out of the apartment before they came after that.
On their walks, they'd peer into store windows and sometimes go in and browse.
"I've never done this," Rodney said one day.
"Done what?" John asked.
"Walked around my own neighborhood," Rodney answered. "I knew there were shops like this" - they were in a teeny Lebanese bakery that barely held the two of them but had all the best smells - "but I never took the time to find them. This has been fun."
That got John's bright smile, the one hardly anyone saw. Rodney wanted to see more of it.
Evenings they would spend watching various movies and TV shows. Sometimes Rodney would talk John into a chess game, even though John's erratic style of play meant Rodney lost as often as he won. But it gave him a chance to sit across from John and watch as he considered his next move.
Rodney thought back to that almost-kiss. He almost.... almost wished he hadn't resisted quite so much. John kept his distance although occasionally Rodney would place John's hand on his belly when the baby was especially active. Rodney absorbed the feel of warm hands on him, storing the memory for the future.
John went with him to see Dr. Beckett. Everything was progressing normally and Rodney's blood tests were in barely acceptable ranges. Beckett kept the lecture to a minimum since he knew John was making sure Rodney took care of himself properly. Rodney made another appointment for two more weeks.
Over lunch one day, John asked, "I need to go to work for a bit. Day after tomorrow. Do you mind?"
Rodney was surprised. John seemed indifferent to his job since he had been there and this was the first indication that John even had a job. Not that he really needed to work, on the other hand this was the longest he had seen John do nothing.
"No problem," Rodney answered. "I can't expect you to babysit me forever." He hesitated and added somewhat diffidently, "Although it's been nice having you around."
John grinned. "Not a problem," he replied. "This is just something that's been in the works for a while, something I can't get out of."
"Go," Rodney replied. "I'll be fine."
"It'll be an all afternoon and into the evening," John elaborated. "Meetings, drinks, dinner, the whole works. Clients from Hong Kong that we need to wine and dine."
"I'll be fine," Rodney reiterated. "Been on my own for a long time."
"You sure?" John persisted.
"John," Rodney almost growled. "If you don't want to go, don't go. I'll be fine."
"Okay, okay," John laughed. "Busted. I really don't want to go but I have to. I have no idea when I'll get back, so don't wait up for me."
"No problem. Me and Fenny'll keep each other company," Rodney said. Fenny hadn't made it out of the guest bedroom, not for lack of trying on Rodney's part. As soon as John would try to see the cat, he'd hide in the bathroom and if John came any closer, he'd hiss menacingly. John had given up eventually, hoping that the cat would get used to him at some point.
John stopped to check on Rodney on his way out.
"Whoa, you clean up good," Rodney gushed. John in a business suit, obviously custom made by the way it fit, looked really good on John.
John blushed and tugged at the collar. "Can't wait to take this off," he admitted.
Now there was a dangerous thought, Rodney would like to be the one to take it off him.
"Have fun!" Rodney told him, suppressing the mental image.
"Call my cell if you need anything?" John asked.
"Yes, yes, yes. I'll lock the door behind you, not open the door to strangers and leave you on a light," Rodney snarked. "Go."
For a moment, Rodney thought John wanted to lean in for a kiss before he left. But the moment passed and John waved as he closed the door behind himself.
Rodney woke the next morning to find a hastily scribbled note in the kitchen.
Sorry. More work. Back tonight. --J
Shrugging, Rodney set to work earlier in the day than he usually did. Cooking for the two of them had been good for him nutritionally and gave him something useful to do. Since he was on his own, he had leftovers he could heat in the microwave and eat from the container.
The apartment phone rang in the middle of the afternoon. Surprised, since most of their calls came on their cell phones, he answered it cautiously, "Hello?"
"Hello. Is Johnny there?" the husky, female voice asked.
"I'm sorry, he's not here, can I take a message?" Rodney asked. Johnny?
The voice took on an obvious pout. "He's supposed to be with me. When he left this morning, he promised he'd spend the day with me, too, and I've been waiting for hours," she said dramatically. A sigh. "Tell him Teer is waiting impatiently at her place if he shows there."
Rodney's heart stopped. "I.... I'll let him know," he stuttered.
"Ciao," she said airily and hung up.
Rodney stared at the phone.
Something in him gave because, although Rodney remembered his brave statement about not minding if John dated anyone else, he found he really did mind. It hurt so damned much that it was hard to breathe for a minute. Rodney sat down to get his breath back. As he could breathe again, he made up his mind.
Rodney coaxed Fenny back into the carrier, threw a few things into a rolling suitcase he found in the closet in his room and packed up the essential computer gear. He didn't stop to think, he just worked quickly. He looked around once, figured John could deal with the rest of his things and quietly closed the door to the apartment behind him.
Once in his car he had to adjust the seat a bit to fit comfortably behind the wheel. "Getting too big for this," he grumped to Fenny. He knew John would follow him but he had nowhere else to go besides his apartment.
"Good thing we didn't take all the cat food," he told Fenny as he let the cat out. Fenny looked grateful to be back home himself. "Have to get something for myself, I guess." He rooted through the cabinets and found canned goods and some cereal that wasn't too bad. He could call out for delivery tonight and go shopping in the morning.
Not knowing what else to do, he crawled into bed. He put a hand on his stomach and talked to the baby.
"Just you and me, now," he murmured sadly. "Not sure how we're going to do this. I mean, I'm a genius but not so sure how good a dad I'm going to be. Hope I don't screw you up too much." He fell asleep.
Rodney woke to pounding. Someone was pounding on his apartment door and Fenny's feet were pounding as he ran to hide in panic at the sudden noise.
"Coming," he snarled, loud enough to make himself heard, and the noise stopped. He moved to get up and had to disentangle himself from the sheets he didn't remember pulling over himself. He sat on the side of the bed for a moment, to get his equilibrium and to delay, for just a moment, knowing what was coming.
"You left!" John all but shouted as he opened the door.
Rodney just stared. A sudden calmness came over him. "You know what? I can't do this anymore. Go away. Leave me alone," he stated. "I'll be fine." He moved to close the door.
"Rodney....." Pleading.
Rodney closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry but I've had enough. I knew I'd regret staying with you, that I'd only be hurt." He opened his eyes to see a stunned look on John's face. "I don't even know why you're here. Go away."
"I love you," John blurted. Then blushed.
Rodney laughed. He knew it sounded slightly manic but he couldn't help it.
"Two days ago, fuck, yesterday, I would have believed that. And maybe you really believe it yourself," Rodney mocked as his heart broke. "It's too late. I'm sorry."
Rodney watched as John sort of folded in on himself. He had to steel himself, he couldn't give in. He desperately needed to be true to himself. Loving John Sheppard only brought pain and heartbreak.
Taking his own deep breath, John straightened and said formally, "I'm sorry to have bothered you. I won't do it again." He turned and walked away.
Quietly shutting the door, Rodney put his back to the wood and slid down to the floor. He really hadn't expected John to give up without more of a fight but now he had to live with his own decisions. And without John.
Rodney let himself wallow in the grief and self-pity knowing he couldn't do so for very long. But for five minutes, he could do this. He could feel sorry for himself and for what he had lost.
Knowing his five minutes were up, Rodney awkwardly climbed to his feet and went off to make himself a meal from the tinned food in the cupboards. He'd do some shopping after he'd have something to eat. He looked down at his crumpled clothes. And after a shower.
Later in the week as he was doing his online banking, he muttered, "You bastard." His phone bill and rent were paid for the foreseeable future, his credit card had been paid off and there was a small balance in his savings account that hadn't been there before. John.
Knowing that he couldn't afford to pay it all back, he swallowed his pride and accepted it. He rubbed his stomach and justified it to himself by saying, "For you, kid. You're entitled."
The doctor's office was more awkward.
"Isnae John with you?" Dr. Beckett asked cheerfully.
"He... he was busy," Rodney stuttered. "He couldn't get away."
Beckett shot him an odd look but accepted the excuse at face value.
After the checkup, as Beckett was about to renew Rodney's prescription for vitamins and supplements, Rodney interrupted. "I need you to send that to this pharmacy," Rodney handed him a card he had gotten from the pharmacist about a block from his apartment.
"Dr. McKay. Rodney...." Beckett made that a gentle question.
Tired of it all, Rodney confessed sadly, "We're not together anymore. I need someplace more convenient."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Beckett asked. He was obviously curious but professional.
Rodney shook his head. "No... thanks.... I... I can't."
"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call," Beckett told him. "Even if you just need to talk. Call and you can come in any time you need to."
Rodney nodded.
"Okay, then. We need to schedule your delivery date," Beckett said practically.
"Already?" Rodney squawked.
"You're at almost eight months. The wee lass is doing fine and you'll both be ready soon," he confirmed briskly.
"What's best?" Rodney asked.
"About three weeks," Beckett decided. "That's close to your due date and for a first time I'd rather be a bit early than late. That will be easier on you." They looked at a calendar and decided a date and time.
"Anyone you want with you?" Beckett asked delicately.
"No," Rodney whispered. "Just me." He rubbed his stomach. "Just the two of us." He took a deep breath and sat up straighter. "We'll be fine. Thanks," he replied firmly.
Beckett shook his head but wisely refrained from saying anything else.
Rodney lay in bed, wishing he could see his toes. He hadn't seen his toes in a long time, he thought wistfully. He hoped they soaked enough in the shower to keep them clean. He thought for a second about going for a pedicure, just to have someone pamper his feet for a bit but thought it might be a bit girl-ly. Maybe the hormones were getting to him.
"Just two more days," he whispered to the bump. Well, it was more than a bump anymore and he felt like a whale, lying on his side in bed was the only comfortable position he could find. He had given up working for a bit, in fact had finished up and returned what Radek had sent him and needed to tell Radek he'd be out of commission for a few weeks.
The phone rang and he stretched to get it.
"Rodney?"
He didn't place the voice for a moment, then, "Dave?" he asked. "You're more of a bastard than your brother. Go away." He started to hang up.
"It's... John," Dave's voice came through the phone. Slowly, Rodney brought the phone back to his ear.
"Dave...." Rodney said warningly. "This better be serious."
"It is. Serious. Can you come?" Dave asked.
Something in Dave's tone made him agree. "Okay. I'll come," Rodney replied.
"When are you due?" Dave asked.
"Two days, why?" Rodney was curious.
"I'll send a car for you, you shouldn't drive," Dave answered. "Someone will be at your door in.... 30 minutes. Ummm. Bring your hospital bag, I suspect. That way you can stay."
Rodney's heart beat. Stay? OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod It had to be bad.
"Rodney! Rodney!" Dave's voice broke through the panic.
Sigh. "Yes, I'm here, but... hurry," Rodney told him.
Rodney called the teenager that lived on the first floor who was going to take care of Fenny when he was in the hospital. Well, 'take care of' was too broad a term for it. The kid would make sure there was food and water and clean the box. He'd probably never even see the cat. "I need you to start tonight," Rodney told him, "I'll pay you extra."
That arranged, he grabbed his hospital bag and threw some extra clothes into it. He went to the kitchen and threw in some power-bars since he didn't know where he was going and when he'd get a meal. He was ready by the time the doorbell rang.
"Dr. McKay?" the tall man asked. "Dave sent me."
"Really, that sounds too hokey to be true," Rodney snarked. "I'm ready."
"Ronon," the man said by way of introduction. He gently took the bag away from Rodney and led him to a car parked illegally in front of the building. Rodney was glad that Ronon didn't try to make small talk, only drove quickly but competently.
"Wait," Ronon commanded when they pulled up to a building Rodney wasn't familiar with. He pulled out a cell phone and dialed. "We're here," he said to whoever answered.
It was less than five minutes wait when Dave came out. "I'll take you up," Dave told him, taking his bag from the back seat of the car.
"What happened?" Rodney asked, slightly scared. "Is... is he going to be all right?"
"We don't know yet, which is why I wanted you to be here... in case...." Dave let that trail off.
"What is this?" Rodney asked, looking around. "It doesn't look like a hospital."
"It's.... a private research facility for Sheppard Industries," Dave answered. "We have our own infirmary. This way," he took Rodney up an elevator.
They went up to the top floor and Rodney marveled at the plush carpet and sophisticated lighting. Dave used a key card to open a door and stood back to let Rodney go in first.
There was a confusing flurry of activity where Rodney felt Dave give him a slight push into the room. He stumbled slightly with the push and flailed a bit to keep his balance as a voice inside shouted Careful! Before Rodney could make sense of what was happening, the door snicked closed behind him. Rodney turned to see his bag on the floor next to the door.
"Let me loose!"
Rodney hung his head. Fuck you, Dave Sheppard. He turned to see John handcuffed to a chair in the middle of a conference room.
"I should leave you there," Rodney called.
"He only tied me up so I couldn't escape until you got here," John wriggled in the chair. Softer, "Rodney, please? Key's on the table."
"Why should I?" Rodney demanded, incensed. "It's your fucking brother who keeps doing this to us. What aren't you telling me?"
John stilled at that. He looked down at his feet and said softly, "I don't know why you left."
Rodney took another chair and sat down, rubbing his stomach. "We're both pretty messed up, you know. I'm no prize and.... you know, for your good looks and all your money sometimes you're an asshole."
John winced at that brutal assessment but Rodney noticed he also didn't try to deny it.
"We've known each other for, what, almost ten years," Rodney continued. "You were my best friend. I'd never had a best friend like you before."
"Rodney....."
"Now? I don't know," Rodney stopped him. "I want you so much and... and I don't know what to do."
"Why did you leave?" John asked again softly.
Rodney laughed. "Your newest girlfriend Teer called and left a message. She had fun with you the night before and you had promised to come back and where were you?" he recounted. "I... I couldn't do it again." He took a deep breath. "It hurts too much to share you that way. I don't play well with others and I can't share you. So I had to leave."
"Teer?" John bit back his own laughter. "Teer is a darling 70 year old and grandmother of the head of the Hong Kong branch. We went for ice cream sundaes and I was supposed to meet her for brunch."
"She didn't sound 70," Rodney countered. "She sounded like.... a hussy."
This time John did laugh. "She'd love that," John said. "You have got to meet her to understand." John rattled the handcuffs. "Undo me? Please?"
Rodney hesitated.
"I need to talk to you and I can't do it like this," John explained, reasonably.
"Better be good," Rodney muttered. He got up and handed the key to John, who unlocked himself. He placed the handcuffs and the key on the table as Rodney sat back down.
John moved a chair next to Rodney's and reached out and took Rodney's hand with both of his. John rubbed a thumb along the back of Rodney's hand.
"I... I should have said this long age," John started slowly. "You are so special to me. When you left the first time, I thought.... I thought I screwed us up. Making love to you, that was amazing. I only said what I had said about not getting attached to give you an out if you wanted one. One I thought you took. I didn't know Chaya was in town until she showed up in my office."
John looked up and said, "I should have begged off, come back to you. But it was work and I thought I needed to be sociable. Then I came home and you were gone. I was pretty miserable to live with for a long time."
"I think Dave found me through the project I was working on," Rodney admitted. "He showed up one day but then didn't say much. I had started to show and that was just a couple of days before I had to quit. He just asked how I was doing and left. I thought you had sent him but then I didn't hear from you or him."
"He never said," John said. "He knew I was desperate to find you. Bastard."
Rodney gave a small laugh. "That he is!"
"That morning.... when you left again, Teer had said some things about family that night and, well, I thought.... I hoped," John let go of Rodney's hand with one hand and fumbled in his pocket. "I've been carrying this around since then."
He held Rodney's hand and slipped a plain gold band on Rodney's finger. "Marry me?"
Rodney was stunned. "John... you don't have to do this."
"That's just it," John explained with a note of desperation in his voice. "I don't have to but I want to." He leaned in for a small kiss. "I love you. Marry me."
"What about...." Rodney had to ask but he really didn't want to know.
John seem to understand. "There's been no one since you," he promised firmly. "I kept hoping... hoping you'd come back."
Rodney shifted in his chair. "John...."
"Say yes...." John begged.
"No... wait, not that....." Rodney put a hand on his stomach. "The baby...." Pain doubled him over.
"Fuck Dave for waiting so long," John swore. He left Rodney's side and Rodney could hear John yelling something at someone.... another pain....
"Easy," John put an arm around Rodney. "Let's get you on the floor. Help's coming."
"John," Rodney fought to say this. "Always loved you...." Pain turned to black.
Good drugs Rodney thought. Wait, the baby! He started to flail.
"Shh...." John's voice soothed.
"B'by?" Rodney mumbled.
"She's beautiful," John said proudly. "You scared the shit out of me but you and she are fine."
Rodney relaxed and fell back asleep.
The next time he woke felt more natural. He woke to see John sleeping in a chair next to the bed, holding his hand. He must have moved because John's head came up and his hand tightened around Rodney's.
"Hey," Rodney said hoarsely.
"Here, let me get you a drink," John got up. "Hold on." He reached for a plastic cup next to the bed, held the straw to Rodney's lips. "Easy."
"Thanks," Rodney mumbled. "Where...."
"She's here," John answered. "Let me sit you up a bit first." John fiddled with the bed to put Rodney into a more upright position. "Doc says you're not supposed to use those stomach muscles for a few days until the stitches get a chance to heal better."
Rodney remembered talking about that and from the twinge he was getting in spite of the drugs, he suspected that really hurt. "Yeah, have to remember to be careful," Rodney answered.
John went across the room and picked up a bundle from the bed against the wall. He gingerly held the bundle and settled it into Rodney's waiting arms.
"Do... you have a name?" John asked. "I didn't know what to tell them so she's still 'Baby Girl' at the moment."
Rodney looked down at the child in his arms. She was sound asleep, thank goodness, but the mop of dark hair was pure John. He burrowed into the wrapping to find a hand and count the fingers. They were tiny and amazing.
Not looking up, Rodney offered, "I was thinking.... Norah Jean. Norah with an 'H', Jean's for my sister Jeannie."
"Rodney!" John exclaimed. "That's... that was my grandmother's name... Norah...."
Rodney felt suddenly shy and stuttered, "I know... I, ummm..... looked you up and found that. It's a good name."
"Shining light," John said, reaching out to the tiny hand that instinctively grabbed his finger.
Rodney watched John play with their daughter and said, "John?" When John looked up at him, he went on, "Yes."
Grasping his meaning immediately, John beamed, "Really?"
"Yes, you idiot, I'll marry you," Rodney expanded with his own smile.
John leaned carefully over Norah for a kiss. Rodney reached his free hand to drag John in for a longer, deeper kiss.
"Norah Jean McKay-Sheppard," Rodney said against John's lips.
EPILOGUE
They made Dave arrange and pay for the small wedding. Rodney figured it was appropriate since it was Dave who had figured out how much John needed to be with Rodney. How much they needed to be together.
Tired of Jeannie's email and phone rants about not letting her know he was pregnant, Rodney had stopped Jeannie's in-person rant by simply placing Norah in her arms.
"Rodney! Oh, she's adorable!" Jeannie gushed.
"Yeah, she is," Rodney smiled. "She's almost sleeping through the night and John takes a lot of the night feedings." He leaned in to say, "Although I caught him singing Johnny Cash songs to her one night."
"Hey!" John wrapped an arm around Rodney's waist. "Only the best for our girl."
Rodney leaned back into John and reveled in the feeling of the warm body behind him as John wrapped his other arm around him. He placed a hand on John's and turned his head for a kiss.
"Are we ready?" the minister called.
"Yes," John answered for both of them. "Come on, let's get married."