Cerise Skies

[underless]

Title: Cerise Skies
Length: 1073 words
Prompt: "The Streaks of Cerise in The Evening Sky Made Him/Her/Me Feel..."
Warnings: War. Death of an infant. Also Angst.

Comments

[keppiehed]

I like the feel of a life-time spanning story here.

[underless]

Aw, damn it, I was sure I double-checked the prompt before I submitted it! Sorry about that. :/

Thank you for the praise! Could you point out some of the things that need smoothing out? :)

[underless]

Oh, all these English grammar studies and I still mess these details up. Thanks for taking the time to point them out to me. :)

the phouka goes ROAR..politely

[bardiphouka]

Love the feel that we are being given this fellow's life story and yet there are the little hints that there is a great deal more (or possibly less depending on how you look at it) about him than we know. Well done indeed.

Re: the phouka goes ROAR..politely

[underless]

Well, not everything we do is important to us. ;) Thanks!

[der_verstand]

I found this a well told, impactful piece. The emotiveness of it struck me the most, along with your delicate way of wording.

I also enjoyed how you used the sky to express emotion and tell the story of the character's life. It strung all the sequences together in a manner that flowed well. It was a clever use of the prompt.

I appreciated this piece very much. Well done.

[underless]

Oh, thank you! Such praise! :)

[eiremauve]

Wow, that spanned a lot of events well in a short amount of time! The sky motif works very well with the piece.

"She had reciprocated wholeheartedly and fully convinced he loved her". This is slightly awkward, it should probably read something like: 'She had reciprocrated wholeheartedly, fully convinced he loved her'.

"He had never told his wife, but he felt this event was far more important that vows repeated with quivering voice under the disapproving glare of a priest." that should be then, I think.

that's all I can think of. Good job!

[underless]

I was a little unsure about the first sentence, I've been told I use far too many commas before. But your example does sound better, you're right.

Gah, stupid misspellings. Thanks for pointing that out. :)