OOM -- Undeath and its Advantages and Disadvantages
Death: what's it good for? Escaping debt. Getting out of a bad relationship. Chucking your stupid job. Leaving off with that annoying need to breathe oxygen all the damn time.
Undeath: is it what it's cracked up to be? Yes and no. Yes, in that it's pretty awesome to be a zombie, because come on, issa fuckin' ZOMBIE, innit? No, in that, unfortunately, you're a zombie, and your mental capacity is that of an insect's, your internal organs have ceased to function, and you spend the rest of your days lurching around in a neverending quest to slake your hunger for raw flesh.
Unless you're Ed. Thanks to Shaun's diligent training with the Hog Lumps, the endless hours of playing Timesplitters 2 ('playing' being an all-encompassing summary of 'randomly jabbing at the buttons on the controller'), and observing the ordeals of mad couples in love and out of love yelling at each other on the Trisha Goddard Show, Ed is now quite well-behaved.
As well-behaved as any drunken monkey, at least.
But as Ed sits there in the toolshed scratching his arse as he had done in life, he wonders (...well, 'wonder' is a strong word in this case, really, but we'll assume that somewhere in that mush-brain there lies the faint ability for forward thinking), he wonders, Is there more to being undead than this?
There certainly is. For one thing, there's beer.
The zombie instincts are starting to kick in again. And when a zombie wants something, he gets it...
Undeath: is it what it's cracked up to be? Yes and no. Yes, in that it's pretty awesome to be a zombie, because come on, issa fuckin' ZOMBIE, innit? No, in that, unfortunately, you're a zombie, and your mental capacity is that of an insect's, your internal organs have ceased to function, and you spend the rest of your days lurching around in a neverending quest to slake your hunger for raw flesh.
Unless you're Ed. Thanks to Shaun's diligent training with the Hog Lumps, the endless hours of playing Timesplitters 2 ('playing' being an all-encompassing summary of 'randomly jabbing at the buttons on the controller'), and observing the ordeals of mad couples in love and out of love yelling at each other on the Trisha Goddard Show, Ed is now quite well-behaved.
As well-behaved as any drunken monkey, at least.
But as Ed sits there in the toolshed scratching his arse as he had done in life, he wonders (...well, 'wonder' is a strong word in this case, really, but we'll assume that somewhere in that mush-brain there lies the faint ability for forward thinking), he wonders, Is there more to being undead than this?
There certainly is. For one thing, there's beer.
The zombie instincts are starting to kick in again. And when a zombie wants something, he gets it...