Looking for feedback on Personal Statement for grad school

[ultimatepsi]

As you probably already know, I'm applying to education schools to study secondary mathematics education. (Doesn't that sound fancy now?) As such, I have to prepare a statement describing why I want to study this topic, why I want to study at this school, and why I think I'd be a good choice for them to admit to their program. After much struggle,

Comments

[madfilkentist]

Mostly I like it. You state in broad terms what you love, then give enough concretes to show that you really understand what you're saying. But I think you might want to put more emphasis on why you want to teach; it's perhaps a bit overbalanced in favor of what you love about mathematics, which might give the impression you're a less interested in the actual teaching of students. Not that it really gives that impression, but you're competing with lots of other applicants who'll be making more or less similar statements, and small differences could have a big effect.

But education isn't my field. Take what I've said for what it's worth, and if someone who actually teaches says I'm totally wrong, I probably am.

[moechus]

I suspect the advice on admission exams found at http://www.scribd.com/doc/9670026/How-Not-to-Succeed-in-Law-School is as applicable to graduate education schools as it is to law school.

Seriously, your personal statement is quite good.

[moechus]

I meant "admission statements."

[ultimatepsi]

Thanks!

[ultimatepsi]

Thank you. I really appreciate the careful reading!

Good essay

[dhs]

Looks good to me. It certainly gets your point across.

A few minor quibbles:

In 1st paragraph, if you change "share a lifelong passion" to "share my lifelong passion" it will become more personable.

In 2nd paragraph, last sentence: "offers" should be singular.

In 3rd paragraph, sentence starting with "Moreover" seems awkward. Try: "Moreover, I have repeatedly seen real-world value in the skills ..." Also, "persistence in trying to understand" seems awkward, but I can't think of what to replace it with.

Re: Good essay

[ultimatepsi]

Thanks! I've edited the "Moreover" sentence to say "Moreover, I have repeatedly seen the real-world value of the skills of abstraction, problem solving, mathematical modeling and persistently seeking to understand." Does that seem more natural?

[coriolinus]

It's a strong essay. I wouldn't change anything--though be aware that at least 60% of my processing capacity right now is trying to generalize the number of faces of an n-dimensional hypercube. That doesn't leave a whole lot for literary analysis.

[ultimatepsi]

*grins* I am happy to have provided you with a challenge.