Entry 1: Video

[uberwaldian]

[The communicator turns on, but there's a bit of fiddling and static before she can get it to work. Anyone listening can hear what sounds like muffled swearing. Finally, the video switches on, and there's an attractive young blonde woman peering at the screen, wearing what looks like armor and a loose leather-and-gold collar around her neck. Her

Comments

as I can't send you ardent...

[iam_aghost]

Pleasure to meet you, Captain. Dr Caesares, if you wondered. I don't think it runs on imps. Do things usually run on imps at home?

As for rules - there aren't any, specifically, that you can enforce. I presume you are a police captain rather than an army one, si? Every warden enforces rules on their own inmate, of their own choice. Which, I am fully aware, has all sorts of difficulties of its own.

What would a blanket do?

Hooray for Caesares, then!

[uberwaldian]

Things like this usually do, yes. Cameras, particularly. What paints the pictures on this? They're very good.

So there's... what no law at all, here, then? It's just up to us to decide what we want to enforce? [She raises a brow, mouth twisting wryly.] Feels just like home.

Haven't you ever dealt with a boogeyman before?

:D

[iam_aghost]

...pictures on here are not painted. On cameras where I'm from, it's to do with the capturing of light energy in chemicals on film. I can probably show you.

No law at all. In theory, if you want to let your inmate get away with murder, you can. But... that being said, we try to uphold some kind of standards between us. So yes, feels just like home to some of us, too.

Not with a blanket. How is it done?

[uberwaldian]

Oh? That sounds quite interesting. I'll have to see it sometime. [This is the vague and genial tone she uses with Carrot when he wants to drag her halfway across the city to look at rocks. It means: I'll pretend to be interested and you pretend not to notice I'm not, okay?]

Well, what sort of standards, then? The sort that allow for murder? [She sounds more curious than judgmental, really.]

It's a pretty simple theory, really, although a bit nasty. The boogeyman goes away when you hide under the blanket, right? So if you cover him with a blanket...

[notrueking]

There are licenses for thieving where you're from?

[uberwaldian]

Oh, yes. The Thieves' Guild. A grand civic achievement.

[notrueking]

...how... does that work, exactly?

[uberwaldian]

It's actually very simple, which is, unfortunately, why it works so well. Only guild members can be thieves, but they're allowed a certain amount of theft per year. If you have the money, you can pay the guild for a yearly waiver.

The idea is that it actually causes less theft overall, given quotas and restrictions, and the fact that the guild itself is pretty... intense about unlicensed thieves. But the downside is, you then find yourself having to explain the system to other people.

[19centconstable]

Proffering...?

[uberwaldian]

...with intent to embarrass or shame. It's one of our sillier crimes.

[19centconstable]

Oh.

...Sorry, I'm still...not entirely sure what it is we're talking about?

[uberwaldian]

[She sighs, because... honestly, Ankh-Morpork is just a ridiculous place, sometimes.] We call it "anticrime." Like... say you give someone a lot of money, but only because you want to humiliate them. Proffering with intent to embarrass. Or...

...well, we have been getting a lot of whitemail complaints, actually. It seems someone's been threatening to reveal Chrysoprase's secret charitable donations.

[thegooddrjones]

I don't believe it runs on imp.

Welcome, I'm Dr. Martha Snape-Jones and I'm a warden here as well. We don't really have loads of rules here, I'm afraid.

[uberwaldian]

Two doctors? Really? [There's a slightly wary note in that.]

So I'm told, anyway. Funny -- I became a cop to get away from places like that.

[thegooddrjones]

We've four medical doctors and two Doctors here. It's a good thing really.

Where are you from?

[uberwaldian]

Oh, yes. I'm sure it is. [This is said with utter and complete neutrality. It's the vocal equivalent of beige.] You don't happen to have an Igor on staff, do you?

Originally? Uberwald. But I'm of the Ankh-Morpork Watch, considering there isn't one in Uberwald.

[nicebluehat]

If you don't mind, I could explain how it works.

...and I have the sense a certain amount of behavior is tolerated than wouldn't be either in your home or mine.

[uberwaldian]

[Angua raises a brow slightly. The girl is... young. But then, so was she, when she joined up...] Will I regret hearing the explanation when it's over?

And can you give me an example?

[nicebluehat]

For instance, I've never even heard of "anticrime". And there seems to be a certain amount of unpunished theft and violence, though that's more due to the nature of the perpetrators than the legality of the acts themselves.

Regarding the communicator, if you want the "what it does", no, the knowledge shouldn't be too much of a burden. If the "how it functions", how tedious do you find mechanical talk?

[uberwaldian]

Oh, well, theft and violence don't sound so bad. You get your fair share of that in the Watch House.

...Just give me the simple answer, thank you.