So it's alright for someone to push their beliefs onto someone else (or otherwise judge or attempt to change them) as long as you agree with their values, right? Rad; that makes so much more sense!
That does beg the question of when it is okay to judge someone.
Suppose you did agree with someones values, but then that person just suddenly changed. Isn't it alright to judge them on that? Or at least to question them rather bluntly.
I do admit I have a tendency to do that when I believe a person violates their own values.
Its hard standing back and watching someone self destruct.
I don't think there is anything wrong with challenging someone on contradictions in their values; if nothing else this is necessary for understanding others beliefs and is a valuable dialog for both individuals. As for judging, though: what does it mean to judge? I normally associate it with placing some sort of moral assessment on a person; "good", "bad", "right", "wrong". Personally I'd argue that (ideally) we have the right to enforce boundaries (as individuals or collectives such as society) but since I don't believe in moral absolutes I don't think we have the right to judge someone under any condition.
Of course, it's been asked what the difference between upholding boundaries and placing judgment is. There is an admittedly large amount of overlap.
The judgement I most recently used was that it was bad karma to sleep with someone elses husband (where the wife doesn't know and the relationship is of closed variety).
That not only was it bad karma it was also against her own value system. Since she believes in communication within a relationship. So I saw it as a contradiction, but she got rather pissed that I had judged her without knowing the whole situation.
In the end I just see her as being used by a bad guy (*cough* judgement *cough*) and its just going to end badly. She on the other hand thinks its overwhelming because not only does the guy like her, but he's willing to cheat on his wife to be with her. No amount of explanation of male behavior would bring her down from her high cloud of having her ego stroked.
In the end it usually comes down to me judging before the dialog. Or using judgement type words during dialog.
Note - I only post this as an example of a situation in which I don't know how to handle. A situation that led to my own reevaluation of how I was judgemental.
Well thank you Amber :). I don't necessarily agree (or disagree) with most of what I post either but while I tend to be pretty reserved with my personal opinions I have no problem being forward with perceived contradictions in popular ideology. Sometimes this seems a bit hypocritical; perhaps one of these days I'll post my own beliefs for public critique and let the judgments fly. That might be interesting.
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Suppose you did agree with someones values, but then that person just suddenly changed. Isn't it alright to judge them on that? Or at least to question them rather bluntly.
I do admit I have a tendency to do that when I believe a person violates their own values.
Its hard standing back and watching someone self destruct.
Reply
Of course, it's been asked what the difference between upholding boundaries and placing judgment is. There is an admittedly large amount of overlap.
Reply
That not only was it bad karma it was also against her own value system. Since she believes in communication within a relationship. So I saw it as a contradiction, but she got rather pissed that I had judged her without knowing the whole situation.
In the end I just see her as being used by a bad guy (*cough* judgement *cough*) and its just going to end badly. She on the other hand thinks its overwhelming because not only does the guy like her, but he's willing to cheat on his wife to be with her. No amount of explanation of male behavior would bring her down from her high cloud of having her ego stroked.
In the end it usually comes down to me judging before the dialog. Or using judgement type words during dialog.
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Why am I up right now? I probably going to regret all this late night commentary later when I'm more lucid!
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