For myself, at least, I think it's because I'm afraid of being let down; of searching, and finding nothing; of knocking on the door in excitement, to find that no one is home, or has ever been home.
I think I understand now: why faith is an important part of the path. It's because we are so uncertain, there is really nothing else we could have other than faith. Like a blind man must extend his hand into the darkness, because seeing was never an option.
I think I feared the uncertainty. I knew I was okay now, so why risk everything changing, having no way of knowing how it will be on the other side? Stepping forward is a huge risk, because, being where we are, we have no conception of what we could become.
For me, as my life has transpired, faith became my only solace. On some days of great suffering, the only way to move forward was in faith. It was as if, the more I looked deeply into my life, the more I realized that it was the unknowable, and that as things stood, I hardly knew anything at all. I saw that "rationality" was as much an illusion as anything else.
So I chose to pursue light/goodness, because it was the only thing I could somewhat know was positive. But that choice means letting go of our control on everything else -- that's faith. Giving one's life up to light and just hoping it will all turn out right. Because what other choice is there? Turning away in fear? Delegating ourselves to darkness? Light was the only thing I was sure I wanted for myself, so I had to
( ... )
Thanks! It's interesting how my creativity has switched back on since I pulled out of my head and went back to my heart. I guess in a world of pure logic alone, there is no creativity.
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Some people are afraid of monsters
though I have been afraid of the most beautiful things.
It's odd, isn't it? I have been the same way, and I have known so many others who do this. What is it that we're afraid of?
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I think I understand now: why faith is an important part of the path. It's because we are so uncertain, there is really nothing else we could have other than faith. Like a blind man must extend his hand into the darkness, because seeing was never an option.
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For me, as my life has transpired, faith became my only solace. On some days of great suffering, the only way to move forward was in faith. It was as if, the more I looked deeply into my life, the more I realized that it was the unknowable, and that as things stood, I hardly knew anything at all. I saw that "rationality" was as much an illusion as anything else.
So I chose to pursue light/goodness, because it was the only thing I could somewhat know was positive. But that choice means letting go of our control on everything else -- that's faith. Giving one's life up to light and just hoping it will all turn out right. Because what other choice is there? Turning away in fear? Delegating ourselves to darkness? Light was the only thing I was sure I wanted for myself, so I had to ( ... )
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