Fest Anxieties

[tychesong]

Whelp. I've gone and done it. I've signed up for another fest even though I swore I'd quit doing that after I had to drop out of the last two I tried. The thinking about it is driving me round the twist. I'm not sure what it is about fests--they are supposed to be only fun, but they always hype me into an anxious, competetive overdrive. Each time I

Comments

[toblass]

I would say that you are not the only one who feels that way. I also share that anxiety. Sometimes it leaves me somewhat paralyzed...I can't seem to get myself started and it's a continuous cycle of anxiety, panic, paralysis. And don't get me started on the commenting once posting begins.

But hey, that euphoria from completing fan work in the end is worth it all.

I think....

[tychesong]

Yes, that is it exactly! I literally drive everyone I know insane when I participate in these things. It IS paralyzing. I think many of us put so much time, effort and anxiety into our work that it's a sharing of our souls in a way-- thank god most fest goers get it. Nothing makes me as euphoric as a fest comment, though. In the end it must be worth it... I keep doing it after all. *sigh*

Sorry my response was so late!

[laralee88]

You are not alone! I can't do fests because I write too slow, and deadlines and I do not get on. Like ever.

I'm a wreck anytime I post anything, fest related or not. When I get a notification for a review at any of the archives I usually have to wait a while so I can psych myself up to look at them.

[tychesong]

I go through cycles of security and then get one disapproving review and worry for the next several months that the next one will be scathing. It's rough wondering!

[crmediagal]

Your feelings completely echo my own... It's like self-torture, but I can't seem to stop myself from trying. Again. And again. :/ I'm usually hoping that I'll produce something better than my last fest entry; that my prompter will embrace and truly enjoy what I fretted over to create for their approval. It's tough and emotionally exhausting, but you're definitely not alone.

And I'm even surprised to hear that you think your stories aren't well received because I would beg to differ! I think they're some of the highlights.

[tychesong]

YES. Precisely, that anxiety of wondering if they like it. I always get weirdly competitive with myself in exactly the same manner. I don't have the time this fest to be as picky as I usually am, which bothers me. Typically if I don't think I can deliver something I can be very proud of I will pull out. I'm trying to remind myself this time that people don't expect an award worthy fic out of me EVERY time I write.

I appologise for the miscommunication; I don't think my stories are badly received--for the most part I have had nothing but support and love. I just always find myself comparing, you know? More along the lines of (Does my giftee like my fic as much as So-and-so's?), etc.

[crmediagal]

Oh, I definitely know what you mean. And I find myself (over) analysing: Why did so-and-so comment on so-and-so's fic and not mine? Was it purposeful? Am I not good enough? It's vicious cycle. It's probably just more indication that I should avoid fests all together because of how much I beat myself up and assume the worst of my efforts, even though I'm trying my darnedest, but I can't seem to help myself. Glutton for punishment = me. :p

[stgulik]

You can do it! Whichever prompt you pick, it'll be great.

[tychesong]

I hope so!! Thank you!

[aleysiasnape]

*Hugs* Good luck!

[tychesong]

I ended up dropping out, actually. My prompts were a little too awesome, and the story I came up with was too ambitious for a month. I'll go back and finish it eventually, but the first FOURTH of the story was closing in on 8k and I only had a week left. So, rather than deliver something scraped together in a week or two I dropped it. :-/