Fic... Force of Will Part III
Title: Force of Will
Rating: PG
Pairing: Cedric/Harry
Warnings: slash
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and friends did not come from my head.
Summary: Mad-Eye Moody makes a mistake in the maze. Now Cedric and Harry are in it together. But does Harry want that?
Author's Note: When I saw that Minisinoo had finally released her latest, I considered waiting the twelve days before I posted the conclusion to my own little story. But I figured at that point, no one would remember how mine started to begin with! In the end I decided just to post it as quickly as possible, and humbly request some feedback (once we're all done gushing over Crush, of course!) Part 3 of 3.
Part I
Part II
Force of Will
Part III
Harry didn’t see Cedric again until the day of the Leaving Feast.
Although he avoided most people in the period following the final task - people who were more than happy to return the favor - he made an extra effort not to run into him. Every time he caught a glimpse of Cedric in the corridors or the Great Hall, vivid memories threatened to overwhelm him once again: Cedric’s glassy grey eyes under the imperius curse; Voldemort’s red slit eyes as he emerged from the cauldron; his mum and dad as they emerged from Voldemort’s wand. And then miraculously being back, and being held by Cedric while the school watched and Dumbledore returned with only a single blue eye spinning in his hand. Suddenly he was being hauled off to Professor Moody’s office where the real Moody explained what little he could, then dragged to Dumbledore’s study to relive the whole horrific thing over again.
So he avoided Cedric. And Cedric, who had disappeared somewhere in between Moody’s office and Dumbledore’s, had not tried approaching him since. Harry suspected he had his own reasons.
These were the thoughts he tried to suppress as he sat at the edge of the Black Lake on his last day at Hogwarts. He should have been packing, but he couldn’t bear the recent news that after all he had been through, he still had to return to the Dursleys.
“Um, Harry?”
Harry wheeled around, and his face fell when he saw who it was. Cedric Diggory stood nervously before him, anguish distorting his features. “I… I wasn’t really sure if you wanted to see me.”
“I didn’t,” Harry snapped, then motioned to the ground next to him out of guilt. Cedric hesitated, and sat down cautiously, leaving plenty of space between them.
“I won’t stay long. I just wanted to apologize. I know that doesn’t change anything, but I hope you’ll forgive me eventually.”
That was not what Harry was expecting, and for a moment he lost his miserable train of thought. “What are you talking about? What did you do?”
Cedric looked at him as though he were crazy, but Harry was getting used to that look these days. “The maze… I ruined everything.” Harry still looked confused. “I let this happen to you. I didn’t stop it. I didn’t stop him. I couldn’t even restrain him properly, he got away with everything and it’s all my fault that you…” Cedric choked and quickly looked away, as Harry fought the nausea in his gut.
“It’s not your fault,” he replied in a hollow voice. “You did everything you could. It doesn’t matter anyway. He would have gotten to me eventually.” This was the closest Harry had come so far to discussing that night with anyone other than Dumbledore. He was relieved and vaguely surprised that Cedric didn’t press for details.
“Well I’m still sorry. If there’s ever anything you need, I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.” He placed a hand lightly on Harry’s knee.
“I’m not gay,” Harry suddenly blurted.
The hand jerked away. “I know that,” Cedric quickly replied. “It was just some stupid crush. You weren’t supposed to find out, especially not like that.”
“And… what about Cho?”
Harry watched his reaction carefully, but Cedric merely shrugged. “What about her? We dated. We broke up. Last week, actually. She doesn’t know how to deal with me right now, and frankly, I don’t really feel like being dealt with.”
Now that was something Harry understood. He had heard whispers about Cedric becoming withdrawn after the tournament, but had been too caught up in his own withdrawal to dwell on it. He suddenly remembered that Cedric had been there. Maybe not in the graveyard, but he had taken part in those traumatic events. For the first time, he found himself wondering what had transpired in his absence. How did Cedric take on both the imposter Moody and the spider, then still manage to find his way back through the entire maze, all the while probably frightened for Harry’s life? It was a question he hadn’t yet considered somehow, and as he thought it over, Harry heard himself say:
“That was my first kiss, you know.”
Cedric looked stricken, and Harry wondered what had possessed him to make such a humiliating confession. “I’m so sorry, Harry. It shouldn’t have been like that. I mean, it shouldn’t have been me at all… or a bloke for that matter…”
Harry shrugged, trying to diffuse his stupidity. “It could’ve been worse, I guess. At least you kissed back.”
Cedric stared at him, mouth agape.
Then he slowly grinned, letting out a low chuckle. Harry returned an embarrassed smile. Finally some of the tension seemed to ease between them. Harry couldn’t think of anything more to say to the older student, but Cedric didn’t seem to feel the need for conversation at all, turning slightly to stare out over the lake. Soon Harry was immersed in his own brooding thoughts once again, and he almost forgot Cedric was next to him until the boy stood up to leave.
“I guess I’ll see you at the Feast, then,” Harry said.
Cedric shook his head. “Actually, my parents are taking me home early. I didn’t really want to stay. Everyone keeps asking about the maze. And about you. Plus, they all know I’m the reason Crouch got away. I just wanted to make sure things were okay between us before I left.” He paused. “They are, right?”
“Yeah,” Harry replied, “Things are okay now.”
“Then I’ll see you around, Harry.”
Cedric walked a few steps before Harry called out, “Cedric, wait.” Cedric turned around. “Why me?”
Harry was not talking about Voldemort, and it was clear that Cedric understood. He studied Harry’s face for a moment then sat back down on the grass.
“You really want to know?”
Harry nodded. There was a minute of silence while Cedric collected his thoughts.
“It started with our Quidditch match last year,” he began slowly, and Harry scowled at the memory. “When I turned and saw you lying there, unconscious on the ground, with the dementors retreating and Dumbledore furious, well, I was really scared for you. And I felt guilty for catching that snitch, like I had taken advantage of your weakness.”
Harry bristled. Weakness? But before he could retort, Cedric held up his hand and continued.
“Then I watched you against Ravenclaw. Those Slytherins came out onto the field, and I was scared for you all over again. But you just looked back, produced a full-fledged Patronus, and still managed to catch the snitch. I was dumbfounded - you had changed so much just from one match to another. That’s when I realized I had completely misjudged you. And that’s when I started to watch you.”
Harry eyed him nervously. It suddenly struck him that this was the most Cedric had ever said to him at one time, and he was slightly afraid of what would come next. After all, what could the most popular boy in Hogwarts see in Harry Potter? Someone to boast about? That’ll be something to tell your grandchildren, that will… you snogged Harry Potter! For a moment it didn’t seem like Cedric would continue, but then he took a deep breath and went on.
“There’s… something about you, Harry. When your name came out of the Goblet, I probably would have thought you put it in there like everyone else if I hadn’t learned a bit about you by then. I’ve spent my whole life trying to make something of myself, make my father proud, prove something about Hufflepuff, earn friends. But you… you’ve never wanted that. Everyone else sees the things that you’ve done, and they’re impressed as hell, but they think you’re trying to impress them and they turn on you. I know better. You do these things because you have to, because you’re used to unreasonable demands being forced onto you. If you had your choice, you’d be on the sidelines with a few close friends rooting for the rest of us.”
Apparently, Cedric hadn’t merely been watching him; he had gotten to know him, almost intimately. Harry was feeling less comfortable by the minute. Despite their interactions during the past year, he really didn’t know anything about Cedric at all, other than what the school knew. As Cedric had just pointed out, the school was usually wrong.
“Despite all that, you never complain,” Cedric continued, “and you never back down, no matter what’s at stake. Plus, you’ve got the raw talent to do it - to go from helpless to Patronus faster than you can say Quidditch.” He paused, staring at Harry intensely. “Who you are, and what everyone assumes about you, are two completely different things. And I just thought… er…” Cedric swiftly lowered his eyes along with the volume of his voice. “I thought that, maybe, if there was anyone in the school who could see me for myself and not just what I wanted them to see, it might be you.”
He finished and remained where he was, head down, while Harry let it sink in. The final confession had been so unexpected, that at first he didn’t know what to make of it. But as he thought the words over, Cedric seemed to deflate before his very eyes. Harry no longer saw The Most Popular Boy in School, or the Hogwarts Champion, or the older student lusting after him. He saw Cedric Diggory: someone who tried very hard to impress everyone, when apparently all he wanted was to be understood. Well, after everything Cedric had done for him, Harry supposed the least he could do was try.
He leaned forward, lifted Cedric’s face by the chin, and kissed him. There was no passion or fear, only curiosity. Cedric returned just enough affection to show Harry what it was like, letting Harry take all the initiative. A hand cupped the back of Harry’s head. Their lips pushed against each other softly, and when Harry’s wet tongue gained the courage, Cedric parted his mouth slightly. It lasted a full minute before Harry pulled away. Somehow, what startled him the most was that Cedric tasted exactly as he remembered.
They sat there for a while in silence, Harry frowning deep in thought, Cedric watching him. Eventually Cedric stood up, and Harry made no motion to stop him. Cedric looked tired, but also as though a large burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He gave a sincere smile when he said, “I’ll see you next year, Harry,” and walked away.
“Great, one more thing to worry about,” Harry thought to himself bitterly as he watched Cedric go. But that night, for the first time since escaping the graveyard, Harry slept without nightmares.
Author's Note: Although I left the story slightly open ended, I have no plans to continue it at this time. A few months, a year down the road... who knows?
ETA: It seems I did write a sequel after all!
Change of Heart
Rating: PG
Pairing: Cedric/Harry
Warnings: slash
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and friends did not come from my head.
Summary: Mad-Eye Moody makes a mistake in the maze. Now Cedric and Harry are in it together. But does Harry want that?
Author's Note: When I saw that Minisinoo had finally released her latest, I considered waiting the twelve days before I posted the conclusion to my own little story. But I figured at that point, no one would remember how mine started to begin with! In the end I decided just to post it as quickly as possible, and humbly request some feedback (once we're all done gushing over Crush, of course!) Part 3 of 3.
Part I
Part II
Force of Will
Part III
Harry didn’t see Cedric again until the day of the Leaving Feast.
Although he avoided most people in the period following the final task - people who were more than happy to return the favor - he made an extra effort not to run into him. Every time he caught a glimpse of Cedric in the corridors or the Great Hall, vivid memories threatened to overwhelm him once again: Cedric’s glassy grey eyes under the imperius curse; Voldemort’s red slit eyes as he emerged from the cauldron; his mum and dad as they emerged from Voldemort’s wand. And then miraculously being back, and being held by Cedric while the school watched and Dumbledore returned with only a single blue eye spinning in his hand. Suddenly he was being hauled off to Professor Moody’s office where the real Moody explained what little he could, then dragged to Dumbledore’s study to relive the whole horrific thing over again.
So he avoided Cedric. And Cedric, who had disappeared somewhere in between Moody’s office and Dumbledore’s, had not tried approaching him since. Harry suspected he had his own reasons.
These were the thoughts he tried to suppress as he sat at the edge of the Black Lake on his last day at Hogwarts. He should have been packing, but he couldn’t bear the recent news that after all he had been through, he still had to return to the Dursleys.
“Um, Harry?”
Harry wheeled around, and his face fell when he saw who it was. Cedric Diggory stood nervously before him, anguish distorting his features. “I… I wasn’t really sure if you wanted to see me.”
“I didn’t,” Harry snapped, then motioned to the ground next to him out of guilt. Cedric hesitated, and sat down cautiously, leaving plenty of space between them.
“I won’t stay long. I just wanted to apologize. I know that doesn’t change anything, but I hope you’ll forgive me eventually.”
That was not what Harry was expecting, and for a moment he lost his miserable train of thought. “What are you talking about? What did you do?”
Cedric looked at him as though he were crazy, but Harry was getting used to that look these days. “The maze… I ruined everything.” Harry still looked confused. “I let this happen to you. I didn’t stop it. I didn’t stop him. I couldn’t even restrain him properly, he got away with everything and it’s all my fault that you…” Cedric choked and quickly looked away, as Harry fought the nausea in his gut.
“It’s not your fault,” he replied in a hollow voice. “You did everything you could. It doesn’t matter anyway. He would have gotten to me eventually.” This was the closest Harry had come so far to discussing that night with anyone other than Dumbledore. He was relieved and vaguely surprised that Cedric didn’t press for details.
“Well I’m still sorry. If there’s ever anything you need, I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.” He placed a hand lightly on Harry’s knee.
“I’m not gay,” Harry suddenly blurted.
The hand jerked away. “I know that,” Cedric quickly replied. “It was just some stupid crush. You weren’t supposed to find out, especially not like that.”
“And… what about Cho?”
Harry watched his reaction carefully, but Cedric merely shrugged. “What about her? We dated. We broke up. Last week, actually. She doesn’t know how to deal with me right now, and frankly, I don’t really feel like being dealt with.”
Now that was something Harry understood. He had heard whispers about Cedric becoming withdrawn after the tournament, but had been too caught up in his own withdrawal to dwell on it. He suddenly remembered that Cedric had been there. Maybe not in the graveyard, but he had taken part in those traumatic events. For the first time, he found himself wondering what had transpired in his absence. How did Cedric take on both the imposter Moody and the spider, then still manage to find his way back through the entire maze, all the while probably frightened for Harry’s life? It was a question he hadn’t yet considered somehow, and as he thought it over, Harry heard himself say:
“That was my first kiss, you know.”
Cedric looked stricken, and Harry wondered what had possessed him to make such a humiliating confession. “I’m so sorry, Harry. It shouldn’t have been like that. I mean, it shouldn’t have been me at all… or a bloke for that matter…”
Harry shrugged, trying to diffuse his stupidity. “It could’ve been worse, I guess. At least you kissed back.”
Cedric stared at him, mouth agape.
Then he slowly grinned, letting out a low chuckle. Harry returned an embarrassed smile. Finally some of the tension seemed to ease between them. Harry couldn’t think of anything more to say to the older student, but Cedric didn’t seem to feel the need for conversation at all, turning slightly to stare out over the lake. Soon Harry was immersed in his own brooding thoughts once again, and he almost forgot Cedric was next to him until the boy stood up to leave.
“I guess I’ll see you at the Feast, then,” Harry said.
Cedric shook his head. “Actually, my parents are taking me home early. I didn’t really want to stay. Everyone keeps asking about the maze. And about you. Plus, they all know I’m the reason Crouch got away. I just wanted to make sure things were okay between us before I left.” He paused. “They are, right?”
“Yeah,” Harry replied, “Things are okay now.”
“Then I’ll see you around, Harry.”
Cedric walked a few steps before Harry called out, “Cedric, wait.” Cedric turned around. “Why me?”
Harry was not talking about Voldemort, and it was clear that Cedric understood. He studied Harry’s face for a moment then sat back down on the grass.
“You really want to know?”
Harry nodded. There was a minute of silence while Cedric collected his thoughts.
“It started with our Quidditch match last year,” he began slowly, and Harry scowled at the memory. “When I turned and saw you lying there, unconscious on the ground, with the dementors retreating and Dumbledore furious, well, I was really scared for you. And I felt guilty for catching that snitch, like I had taken advantage of your weakness.”
Harry bristled. Weakness? But before he could retort, Cedric held up his hand and continued.
“Then I watched you against Ravenclaw. Those Slytherins came out onto the field, and I was scared for you all over again. But you just looked back, produced a full-fledged Patronus, and still managed to catch the snitch. I was dumbfounded - you had changed so much just from one match to another. That’s when I realized I had completely misjudged you. And that’s when I started to watch you.”
Harry eyed him nervously. It suddenly struck him that this was the most Cedric had ever said to him at one time, and he was slightly afraid of what would come next. After all, what could the most popular boy in Hogwarts see in Harry Potter? Someone to boast about? That’ll be something to tell your grandchildren, that will… you snogged Harry Potter! For a moment it didn’t seem like Cedric would continue, but then he took a deep breath and went on.
“There’s… something about you, Harry. When your name came out of the Goblet, I probably would have thought you put it in there like everyone else if I hadn’t learned a bit about you by then. I’ve spent my whole life trying to make something of myself, make my father proud, prove something about Hufflepuff, earn friends. But you… you’ve never wanted that. Everyone else sees the things that you’ve done, and they’re impressed as hell, but they think you’re trying to impress them and they turn on you. I know better. You do these things because you have to, because you’re used to unreasonable demands being forced onto you. If you had your choice, you’d be on the sidelines with a few close friends rooting for the rest of us.”
Apparently, Cedric hadn’t merely been watching him; he had gotten to know him, almost intimately. Harry was feeling less comfortable by the minute. Despite their interactions during the past year, he really didn’t know anything about Cedric at all, other than what the school knew. As Cedric had just pointed out, the school was usually wrong.
“Despite all that, you never complain,” Cedric continued, “and you never back down, no matter what’s at stake. Plus, you’ve got the raw talent to do it - to go from helpless to Patronus faster than you can say Quidditch.” He paused, staring at Harry intensely. “Who you are, and what everyone assumes about you, are two completely different things. And I just thought… er…” Cedric swiftly lowered his eyes along with the volume of his voice. “I thought that, maybe, if there was anyone in the school who could see me for myself and not just what I wanted them to see, it might be you.”
He finished and remained where he was, head down, while Harry let it sink in. The final confession had been so unexpected, that at first he didn’t know what to make of it. But as he thought the words over, Cedric seemed to deflate before his very eyes. Harry no longer saw The Most Popular Boy in School, or the Hogwarts Champion, or the older student lusting after him. He saw Cedric Diggory: someone who tried very hard to impress everyone, when apparently all he wanted was to be understood. Well, after everything Cedric had done for him, Harry supposed the least he could do was try.
He leaned forward, lifted Cedric’s face by the chin, and kissed him. There was no passion or fear, only curiosity. Cedric returned just enough affection to show Harry what it was like, letting Harry take all the initiative. A hand cupped the back of Harry’s head. Their lips pushed against each other softly, and when Harry’s wet tongue gained the courage, Cedric parted his mouth slightly. It lasted a full minute before Harry pulled away. Somehow, what startled him the most was that Cedric tasted exactly as he remembered.
They sat there for a while in silence, Harry frowning deep in thought, Cedric watching him. Eventually Cedric stood up, and Harry made no motion to stop him. Cedric looked tired, but also as though a large burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He gave a sincere smile when he said, “I’ll see you next year, Harry,” and walked away.
“Great, one more thing to worry about,” Harry thought to himself bitterly as he watched Cedric go. But that night, for the first time since escaping the graveyard, Harry slept without nightmares.
Author's Note: Although I left the story slightly open ended, I have no plans to continue it at this time. A few months, a year down the road... who knows?
ETA: It seems I did write a sequel after all!
Change of Heart