Aug. 28th, '15: Starting Over - One
Title: Starting Over - One
Author: SweetChi
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Crossover: Sherlock
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Sherlock, I am making no money from this and am doing it purely for enjoyment.
Summary: When her world turns on its head, Faith needs to find a new purpose.
Chapter One
Restless fingers tapped against the darkened glass, reflected digits meeting their counterparts before pulling away. Outside, the world flickered into view - a lightning strike sending the windswept moors and pouring rain into sharp relief for seconds before disappearing once again.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, ta-
Fingers stilled and curled inward slowly until nails dug into palm, knuckles pressing to glass, the urge to plow her fist through the window sudden and urgent. She could see it in her mind - the burst of noise; the spike of pain; the feel of the wind on her face, inviting her to jump from the jagged hole and run through the downpour, dodging lightning, reveling in that feeling that she was unstoppable and free-
“Faith.”
Unclenching her hand, she pressed her palm against the cool glass, pushing slightly against it in temptation before dropping her hand to her side and meeting Giles’ reflection’s eyes.
“I need something to do.”
The undertone that more than boredom was at stake weighed the room down, making her fingers twitch for the glass again.
“You’ve been at this a long time, Faith. You’ve done a lot of good, saved a lot of people. It’s okay to take a break.”
Faith snorted and flicked a fingernail against the glass, the muted ding drowned out by a boom of thunder.
“I ain’t done shit for two weeks now.”
Nothing but avoid thinking too much, anyway. Nothing but watch everything she knew swirl down the drain. Nothing but go slightly more insane with boredom with every fucking day that passed.
“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Giles insisted.
She gave an irritated shrug. “You don’t get ‘breaks’ in redemption.”
“Says who?”
“Says me,” she snapped.
Silence settled over the room and she shoved her hands in her pockets to resist the increasing urge for violence. How could he think that she could just walk away? That she was like the others? The things she’d done… It wasn’t like community service or something where she could just work off X-amount of hours and be all “There we go! Five by five!”. There wasn’t a set amount of time for atonement. And even if there were, she wouldn’t be anywhere close to it - to making up for the lives she’d taken, ruined and basically just spat on.
She wasn’t done. He had to know that. Maybe he thought-
“I’m not useless,” she said, surprising herself with how defensive it came out.
“I know you’re not.” Giles voice, pitched low and soothing, did nothing but piss her off more.
She spun from the window and left the room before she could do anything she’d regret. Anything else she’d regret - that pile was big enough, she didn’t need to throw any new shit on top of it. She’d give him another day to come up with something better than “take a break”, then she’d find something on her own. Couldn’t be that hard to find some lives to save, could it? People were offin’ each other every freakin’ minute.
The thick soles of her boots echoed slightly as she wandered through the massive castle. It was still weird how quiet it was. You’d think after four years and hundreds of girls living there off and on that there would be some permanent mark. Some hint of all the wins and losses, tears and laughter, death and life. But here it was, two weeks after “The Day” and it was almost as if they’d never been there at all. Soon the last few rooms would be cleared out and after tomorrow the last three residents would be gone, too.
Faith should’ve been surprised when she found herself in front of a pair of large arched doors she’d had no intention of visiting, but she wasn’t - it was inevitable that she’d end up there one more time before it was all said and done. The place she’d been when everything changed. Her hands came up to press against the aged wood, just feeling the smoothness beneath her fingers for a moment before pushing (pushing), until they stood wide open.
The silence of the castle was weird enough, but seeing the gym so still and quiet was something else altogether. It drove a sharp edged point home that she’d been avoiding looking at too closely. Some weird feeling fluttered in her chest as she scanned the still room, taking note that smell of sweat was already fading.
whatamIgoingtodoitsalloverwhatthefuckshouldIdo
She pushed that shit back down in the box it belonged in and shifted her weight from side to side as her eyes locked on her target. Flexing her hands, shaking out her shoulders and rolling her neck, she took a deep breath and stepped inside. Her boots disturbed the dust and left slight impressions in the mats - no point in taking them off, no one would be using this place again after today.
She came to a stop in front of the heavy bag she’d been using that day two weeks ago. A hand reached out cautiously, faltering once before running over the worn surface - it probably wouldn’t have lasted another week of abuse before falling apart and getting replaced. That happened a lot around there. Or it used to.
Looking back, it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise. It had been one Slayer against a whole freakin’ world of evil for how long? But somehow human life had kept on kickin’ and the planet hadn’t gotten overrun by demons or blown up or anything. Really, it should’ve been obvious that with thousands instead of just one that things would get real quiet real quick.
It only took a year after the mass activation for most of the girls they’d found and gathered to start going home, back to their everyday lives. Trained and knowing what the hell was going on, of course, but just patrolling their own neighborhoods mostly. They kept an eye on the area, but went to school, hung out with friends, had dinners with the fam - whatever the fuck normal people did.
They kept up a few constant cells made up of volunteers and rotating girls that smacked down any rising evil without any problems. It didn’t take long for Faith to become the only full time Slayer - even B would take off for months at a time and go hang with Dawn in Rome while she went to school. It was all good to Faith, she liked to keep busy.
Then, there was “The Day”.
Two weeks ago, standing right here at this very bag, it all ended.
Faith had had a good rhythm going, pounding away at the bag in front of her, and suddenly it was like the plug had been pulled. Her vision had wavered and her next hit had been off center. But the real problem was that that impact had almost broken her hand.
From the corner of her eye, she’d seen Kennedy stumble under the weight of the broadsword she’d been swinging and Faith knew. She fuckin’ knew. But still, when Kennedy had turned to her, eyes wide and face showing the panic that Faith could feel bubbling in her own gut, and demanded a fight, Faith had accepted.
Her wrist was just now feeling better and Kennedy’s eye had still been black when she’d left with a still shell-shocked Willow last week.
A black eye. For a week. On a Slayer.
No. Not a Slayer. Not anymore.
None of them were.
Faith clenched her hand at her side for a second before hauling back and punching the bag in front of her as hard as she could.
It barely moved.
“Weird, huh?”
The familiar voice from the behind her startled her, but she’d be damned if she’d show it.
“Thing’s fuckin’ mocking me,” Faith muttered.
“Sorry, I, uh, didn’t catch that,” Buffy said, her words stiff and uncomfortable.
Something twisted inside of her. That box with what this was and what it meant rattled. She ignored it.
“Nothin’',” she said a little louder, shaking her head as she turned around. “So, you all packed up? Ready to go?”
Buffy hesitated, looking like she wanted to say something Faith was sure she wouldn’t want to hear, but then she just shifted and leaned against the door frame.
“Yep. Flight leaves first thing in the morning.”
“What’s the brat think about having big sis around 24/7?”
“Equal parts horrified and excited, I think. Mostly I think she’s looking forward to me not being any stronger than her anymore,” Buffy said with a disturbed look. “The way she sounded… I have a bad feeling that there’s some payback headed my way when I get there. Something along the lines of ‘Why are you hitting yourself, Buffy? Stop hitting yourself’.”
“That’s no good, B,” Faith said with a snort. “She’s about a foot taller than you and about twenty pounds heavier.”
“She hears you say that and you’ll be the one she’ll be pining down.”
The thought of Dawn being stronger than her now sent a little flare of panic racing down her spine before she buried it with the rest of the crap she didn’t want to think about as she joined Buffy by the door. Leaning on the wall next to her, they both stared at the still bag in silence for a minute.
“You think this is it? I mean, like really it?” Buffy asked quietly, not looking at her.
Why was she asking her about this? She’d been there for the panicked days of research; been right there beside her when Giles went on about the balance being outta whack and how the PTB’s had most likely felt the need to “wipe the slate clean” or some shit.
“Don’t know,” Faith said with a shrug. “Seems like it, though.”
“Yeah. Feels… permanent.”
Faiths fingers twitched at her side as her attention was drawn to that yawning emptiness in her. Permanent was a good word for how it felt.
Cauterized was a better one.
“Is it wrong that I’m… relieved?”
Faith viciously smothered a burst of hysterical laughter. Her sanity got questioned enough without giving anyone more ammunition.
“Relieved that every monster in the world disappeared? Why would you feel relieved over that? What the hell’s wrong with you, B?”
She was pretty impressed at how smoothly the playfulness had come out given how numb her lips felt. She even managed to shoot B a half smile and got one in return. After she looked away she could still feel Buffy eyes on her though.
“So, um, what are you going to do now?”
And that was the million dollar question, right? No monsters, no evil (at least not the straight-out-of-hell kind), no magic, no Slayers…
So now what?
“Man, did Giles send you down here, because-“
“No. I mean, he didn’t. Send me. I just thought I’d,” she gave a tight shrug. “Um, check. On you.”
God, this was fuckin’ awkward. B and her could pull off the occasional banter, but real conversations were stilted on a good day. And this? Right here? Not a good day.
“Aw, you worried about me, B?” Faith smirked, shoving the familiar cocky persona in place. “You should know better than anyone - I take what the world throws at me and keep on rollin’. I’m a survivor.”
She threw a wink in at the end for good measure. She doubted Buffy was really buying the act, but there was a certain comfort in playing this game. One last time at least.
The silence that followed was just a beat too long, making Faith sure that Buffy wasn’t going to play along. But then Buffy gave her own fake grin and threw in an eye roll for good measure.
“Yep, just like a cockroach.”
“Ouch, B, you wound me,” she answered with a grimace, clutching at her chest.
They stood there in a rare moment of companionable silence before Buffy pushed off the wall.
“Well, I better go get some sleep before I have to leave,” she said, shuffling her weight slightly. “It’s been…”
“A hell of a ride.”
“Yeah,” Buffy said, with something soft in her eyes that made Faith uncomfortable. “It really was. Bye, Faith.”
Buffy’s steps had long disappeared before Faith finally whispered, “Bye, B.”
******
Faith leaned the old leather chair back on two legs, determined not to show that it took actual effort to keep her balance. Her eyes scanned the room, distantly noting the naked walls, missing books and the empty desk. Giles must be ready to get out of there, too. Onto something new, better, normal.
Boring.
She heard footsteps coming down the hall. Even though her hearing had been knocked down to non-super-being levels, she could still tell it was Giles. She might have had to wait for him to get a lot closer, but she could still tell his footsteps from others. Not that there was anyone else there…
Whatever. She could do this.
She made a show of tipping the chair back further, feet up on his desk and hands folded behind her head.
“B catch her flight all right?” She asked, not opening her eyes as she heard Giles come in and settle behind the desk.
“Yes, yes, no trouble at all. Luckily the weather cleared before she left,” he said distractedly.
Faith cracked an eye to see him poking at his “infernal device”, aka the iPhone Buffy and Dawn had given him last Christmas. Faith had sent him a shitty scarf from Cleveland. She’d never seen him wear it.
He didn’t seem too torn up about B’s leaving at least. But, really, why should he? He’d probably see her soon. They’d get together for Christmas and Thanksgiving and birthdays and shit. Buffy would cook and Giles would take a few days off from his job at a library or museum. Maybe Xander would fly in to tell them about his travels. Willow and Kennedy would probably be there, too.
Sounded lame. Normal. Boring. Like she wanted that…
“So, you find me anything to do yet?”
“Yes, actually,” he said, putting the phone down with one last disgusted look. “I know someone in the British government that owes me a favor. I contacted him about you.”
Faith’s eyebrows shot up as she leaned forward in interest, front two legs of the chair hitting the ground with a loud smack.
“Spy games, huh?”
“Not… exactly. His brother is a kind of consultant for the London police - manages to get himself into all kinds of trouble apparently. You’ll be acting as a bodyguard-“
“Babysitting, Giles?” Faith asked flatly, anger welling up. “Are you kidding me right now? You know a dude like that and all he can find me to do is babysit?”
“It’s not ‘babysitting’, it’s guarding someone, Faith. With his help, getting you a new, permanent, identity will be much easier. He can deflect any suspicion-“
“You know what? Just forget it,” she said getting to her feet. “I’ll just hop a flight back to the good old U.S. of A., be smacking down murders and drug dealers in no time.”
“Don’t be stupid!” Giles yelled, slamming his hands down on the empty desk and surging to his feet.
Faith gaped at the sight of Giles losing his shit. He took advantage of her silence and went on, his eyes boring into hers from behind polished lenses, jaw tight with anger.
“You can’t go on pretending nothing’s changed, Faith. You’ll be dead or in jail within a week if you do. You can’t break handcuffs anymore, or jump from rooftops, or walk off stab wounds. You can’t just go out and play vigilante and think there’ll be no consequences!”
“And I can’t sit around with my thumb up my ass either!” She yelled back. “Just because I can’t bend metal or jump twenty feet in the air anymore doesn’t mean I’m useless. All the know-how is still there, Giles. Why the fuck shouldn’t I put it to use doing something good?”
“You can,” Giles said, his voice softening. “You just need to redefine your definition of ‘good’.”
Faith shook her head and paced toward the window before coming back and dropping down in the chair again, leaning forward with elbows on her knees and running a hand back through her hair. Giles followed her lead and sat back down, too, then continued in what Faith knew was his “listen to reason” voice.
“The spell we did years ago removed all trace of you on paper, but it didn’t extend to memories. You’re not exactly…”
“Yeah, yeah, I don’t exactly blend into the woodwork,” Faith said darkly.
“I think it’s best for you to keep away from the States. Our resources are rather limited without the aid of magic and I can’t assure your safety there. This man can infinitely smooth things over in that area. A new identity, a place to live, a job - all legitimately anchored. And you will be helping someone, Faith.”
Faith sighed, knowing arguing was pointless. Not only had she been wanted for murder and assault, she’d broken out of prison, too. Her face had been all over TV in California. And her other exploits over the years weren’t exactly quiet - she’d had to dodge the police more than a few times during Slayer duty all over the country. Easy-peasy when you had super speed and reflexes, not so much as Susie Normal.
“Give it a try, Faith,” Giles said, sounding suddenly tired.
Faith took a moment to really look at him and suddenly felt like a huge ass. She wasn’t the only one whose life had been turned upside down in all this - Giles had been living and breathing Council and Slayers for decades. It had also fallen to him to make sure every girl had a place to go when it all ended. He’d managed to make sure not one of the ex-Slayers was left out in the cold in two freakin’ weeks and here she was giving him shit because he was trying to give her something stable. She should feel lucky she wasn’t going to be living in a refrigerator box down by the river.
“Alright, Giles,” she said quietly, looking out the window again. “I’ll go to London."