August 25, 1980
Title: August 25, 1980
Author: Manchester
Rating: FR15
Crossover: Airplane!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and Airplane! characters are the property of their original owners.
Summary: Spike learns there are occasional moments when flying the friendly skies is without a doubt not any kind of a good idea.
Spike was definitely going to kill someone for this.
His already vast wrath increased at every stomping step from the cargo compartment where he’d punched his way out several moments ago. Relentlessly striding down the center corridor of a jet aircraft with all its empty seats ignored by Spike, he ended up facing the shut cockpit door. A vampire with absolute murder in his unbeating heart then proceeded to viciously pull open that last barrier to a nice little bout of blood-spattered carnage. In full game face and with talons ready to rip and tear, Spike stood in the plane’s doorway. The demon was fully prepared to express his ire against that damn pilot who for the last few minutes had flown this thing with all the expertise of Charlie Brown ineffectively trying to keep a plunging kite from landing into the clutching branches of a certain toy-munching tree.
It’d been one hell of a rough ride for Spike previously snoozing away at peace in his cushioned coffin. He ordinarily never bothered with this cliché from the horror movies, but it still remained one of the most discreet means of traveling by air transportation. Plus, anyone who still peeked inside the casket would be satisfied at discovering nothing more unusual in there than a blond corpse, who’d normally have a few seconds’ warning before the lid was opened to stay unbreathing, without a pulse, and perfectly inert throughout any customs inspection by those rude buggers.
On this night’s journey through the firmament, though, Spike had been abruptly awoken by the horrifying sensation of his flying machine being totally out of control. It’d then swooped, dived, rolled, and otherwise conducted the kind of aerial maneuvers for which if the vampire had in fact still been alive, Spike would’ve promptly puked up everything in his stomach. Randomly thrown around inside the oblong container, which itself seemed to be running amok all over the cargo compartment, this wild ride ended with Spike’s airplane performing a barely-survivable crash landing onto an airport runway.
Finally extricating himself from his battered coffin now under a massive heap of other passengers’ luggage, a vile-tempered Spike had then managed to exit the cargo area into the travelers’ section. He’d been too furious to particularly care about how those same sods had already decamped at maximum speed through the emergency exits without bothering to wait for their belongings. If they’d gotten in his inexorable way towards the cockpit door, the vampire would’ve simply slaughtered them all without a second thought. Spike had been planning to do just that to the proud person at this airliner’s controls, some idiot who’d most likely have been congratulating himself at saving everyone from disaster tonight.
Except…nobody was there in the plane’s nose section.
Spike boggled at the empty seats in the cockpit, just before beginning to curse out loud at failing to get here in time to catch those arseholes responsible for his hectic flight. Turning away with a discontented snarl, Spike glanced at the closest open side door with its emergency evacuation slide still attached outside. On the runway, the flashing lights of fire trucks, ambulances, and other rescue vehicles were coming nearer. Spike had no more than a few seconds at the most to make his own escape away from the plane without being seen. Taking a step towards the ajar passenger door, the vampire glumly prepared for a most undignified descent--
Whoosh!
At that unexpected sound coming from the cockpit, Spike flinched. He next promptly whirled around, getting ready for run for his unlife if this noise was the signal that jet fuel leaking from the plane’s ruptured tanks had just ignited. Instead, the blond demon gaped in utter astonishment at what he was now seeing.
A plastic, life-size doll had popped up in the pilot’s seat, and this man-shaped figure was slowly inflating into its fullest extent. Spike’s bulging eyes dazedly noted the doll was dressed up in some sort of aircraft costume like a...pilot.
Whoosh!
This time, Spike didn’t budge at yet another appearance of a second doll a little smaller than the first, in the opposite seat across from the pilot figure. The numb vampire then noted the slighter in size doll also inflating was clearly female, down to the flight attendant’s dress she was wearing. Just when Spike bid bye-bye to the last vestiges of his sanity, things went really weird.
The pilot doll’s head turned to look out at something through the left-side cockpit window, and he then smartly saluted towards this. Next, the right arm of the inflated figure dropped to the airplane’s throttles, gripped these in his flexible stubby hand, and shoved all of those controls fully forward.
Staggered backwards in response to the aircraft surging ahead with growing velocity and a horrible screeching sound of the bottom of the plane skidding against the runway (they’d arrived without using the landing gear and were departing the same way), Spike shot a panicky look at the passenger door he’d been about to exit through earlier. He did this just in time to see the door slam shut under the impetus of their speeding craft. Desperately glancing over his shoulder, the vampire saw the other doors had done the same, leaving him no easy way off the bloody plane!
At that point, the nose of the airliner tilted up, followed by the entire machine now taking off. Stumbling into the nearest seat, Spike tried to figure out what the hell to do next. They were already too high for him to survive jumping off this damn thing, even if he managed to somehow open a door or window. Nor could he threaten whatever was presently flying them through the air to soddin’ land right away. What was he going to do, bite something that’d just explode like a burst balloon?
No, he’d just have to wait and see what happened. In the meantime, though... Spike sat up in his seat, mentally taking hold of himself.
Bugger all this. He was William the Bloody. More important, he’d honestly paid for his plane ticket, even if it was for riding as cargo!
Taking an actual deep breath, Spike then bellowed into the direction of the cockpit, “OI, THERE! THE IN-FLIGHT MOVIE BETTER NOT BE ONE I’VE SEEN BEFORE! ALSO, STEWARDESS, WHERE’S MY HONEY-ROASTED PEANUTS? GET A DAMN MOVE ON IN THERE!”
Author’s Note: Well, considering the ludicrous ending to Airplane!, you have to honestly wonder what Otto the autopilot and his female companion (plus their unexpected passenger) will get up to together after the closing shot of this battered flying machine disappearing into the night sky.
Author: Manchester
Rating: FR15
Crossover: Airplane!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and Airplane! characters are the property of their original owners.
Summary: Spike learns there are occasional moments when flying the friendly skies is without a doubt not any kind of a good idea.
Spike was definitely going to kill someone for this.
His already vast wrath increased at every stomping step from the cargo compartment where he’d punched his way out several moments ago. Relentlessly striding down the center corridor of a jet aircraft with all its empty seats ignored by Spike, he ended up facing the shut cockpit door. A vampire with absolute murder in his unbeating heart then proceeded to viciously pull open that last barrier to a nice little bout of blood-spattered carnage. In full game face and with talons ready to rip and tear, Spike stood in the plane’s doorway. The demon was fully prepared to express his ire against that damn pilot who for the last few minutes had flown this thing with all the expertise of Charlie Brown ineffectively trying to keep a plunging kite from landing into the clutching branches of a certain toy-munching tree.
It’d been one hell of a rough ride for Spike previously snoozing away at peace in his cushioned coffin. He ordinarily never bothered with this cliché from the horror movies, but it still remained one of the most discreet means of traveling by air transportation. Plus, anyone who still peeked inside the casket would be satisfied at discovering nothing more unusual in there than a blond corpse, who’d normally have a few seconds’ warning before the lid was opened to stay unbreathing, without a pulse, and perfectly inert throughout any customs inspection by those rude buggers.
On this night’s journey through the firmament, though, Spike had been abruptly awoken by the horrifying sensation of his flying machine being totally out of control. It’d then swooped, dived, rolled, and otherwise conducted the kind of aerial maneuvers for which if the vampire had in fact still been alive, Spike would’ve promptly puked up everything in his stomach. Randomly thrown around inside the oblong container, which itself seemed to be running amok all over the cargo compartment, this wild ride ended with Spike’s airplane performing a barely-survivable crash landing onto an airport runway.
Finally extricating himself from his battered coffin now under a massive heap of other passengers’ luggage, a vile-tempered Spike had then managed to exit the cargo area into the travelers’ section. He’d been too furious to particularly care about how those same sods had already decamped at maximum speed through the emergency exits without bothering to wait for their belongings. If they’d gotten in his inexorable way towards the cockpit door, the vampire would’ve simply slaughtered them all without a second thought. Spike had been planning to do just that to the proud person at this airliner’s controls, some idiot who’d most likely have been congratulating himself at saving everyone from disaster tonight.
Except…nobody was there in the plane’s nose section.
Spike boggled at the empty seats in the cockpit, just before beginning to curse out loud at failing to get here in time to catch those arseholes responsible for his hectic flight. Turning away with a discontented snarl, Spike glanced at the closest open side door with its emergency evacuation slide still attached outside. On the runway, the flashing lights of fire trucks, ambulances, and other rescue vehicles were coming nearer. Spike had no more than a few seconds at the most to make his own escape away from the plane without being seen. Taking a step towards the ajar passenger door, the vampire glumly prepared for a most undignified descent--
Whoosh!
At that unexpected sound coming from the cockpit, Spike flinched. He next promptly whirled around, getting ready for run for his unlife if this noise was the signal that jet fuel leaking from the plane’s ruptured tanks had just ignited. Instead, the blond demon gaped in utter astonishment at what he was now seeing.
A plastic, life-size doll had popped up in the pilot’s seat, and this man-shaped figure was slowly inflating into its fullest extent. Spike’s bulging eyes dazedly noted the doll was dressed up in some sort of aircraft costume like a...pilot.
Whoosh!
This time, Spike didn’t budge at yet another appearance of a second doll a little smaller than the first, in the opposite seat across from the pilot figure. The numb vampire then noted the slighter in size doll also inflating was clearly female, down to the flight attendant’s dress she was wearing. Just when Spike bid bye-bye to the last vestiges of his sanity, things went really weird.
The pilot doll’s head turned to look out at something through the left-side cockpit window, and he then smartly saluted towards this. Next, the right arm of the inflated figure dropped to the airplane’s throttles, gripped these in his flexible stubby hand, and shoved all of those controls fully forward.
Staggered backwards in response to the aircraft surging ahead with growing velocity and a horrible screeching sound of the bottom of the plane skidding against the runway (they’d arrived without using the landing gear and were departing the same way), Spike shot a panicky look at the passenger door he’d been about to exit through earlier. He did this just in time to see the door slam shut under the impetus of their speeding craft. Desperately glancing over his shoulder, the vampire saw the other doors had done the same, leaving him no easy way off the bloody plane!
At that point, the nose of the airliner tilted up, followed by the entire machine now taking off. Stumbling into the nearest seat, Spike tried to figure out what the hell to do next. They were already too high for him to survive jumping off this damn thing, even if he managed to somehow open a door or window. Nor could he threaten whatever was presently flying them through the air to soddin’ land right away. What was he going to do, bite something that’d just explode like a burst balloon?
No, he’d just have to wait and see what happened. In the meantime, though... Spike sat up in his seat, mentally taking hold of himself.
Bugger all this. He was William the Bloody. More important, he’d honestly paid for his plane ticket, even if it was for riding as cargo!
Taking an actual deep breath, Spike then bellowed into the direction of the cockpit, “OI, THERE! THE IN-FLIGHT MOVIE BETTER NOT BE ONE I’VE SEEN BEFORE! ALSO, STEWARDESS, WHERE’S MY HONEY-ROASTED PEANUTS? GET A DAMN MOVE ON IN THERE!”
Author’s Note: Well, considering the ludicrous ending to Airplane!, you have to honestly wonder what Otto the autopilot and his female companion (plus their unexpected passenger) will get up to together after the closing shot of this battered flying machine disappearing into the night sky.