(no subject)
Title: OMGOMGOMGBBQ!
Author: vesselandpestle/ amusewithaview/ I don't even what
Rating: G
Crossover: BtVS/ Harry Potter
Disclaimer: Do not own (Whedon/ Rowling), but want to play with the pretties.
Summary: See Giles? See Giles die? See Seer scold the blushing Giles.
Warning: Silliness.
Author's notes: I blame FaithUnbreakable for this madness. Because this is her prompt...and the title is an on-going joke that I don't think either of us actually remember starting.
The office was very nice: dark wood paneling covered about four feet, off-setting the rose-colored walls very nicely. A few paintings dotted the walls, nothing too garish - all very tasteful. There was a desk with a very modern-looking computer of indeterminate make and a redhead in a smart suit typing away purposefully.
All in all, this was not what Giles had expected the afterlife to be.
"Erm... excuse me?"
The woman glanced up at him and offered a polite smile, "Yes?"
Giles stared at her, "I - I believe I might have... died?"
"Yes, you're just here for processing."
"Processing?"
She was still smiling, though the expression was a bit tight at the corners, "Yes."
"And what, precisely, does that entail?" he inquired a mite testily.
The redhead had barely opened her mouth when a hand landed on Giles' shoulder, accompanied by a strident voice saying, "Take a hike, Ariel, I'll handle this one." The ex-Watcher allowed himself to be gently spun around, whereupon he was faced with none other than -
"Cordelia?!"
She quirked a brow, "Who'd you expect? The ghosts of Christmas? A choir of angels?"
"Erm..."
"You're not that lucky, buster," the ex-Seer turned, clearly expecting him to follow, and headed for a stone doorway. "Well? Come on, we've got lots to do and all the time in the world to do it. Well, you have all the time in the world, I'm on a tight schedule. We weren't expecting you up here for a while yet. You weren't slated to die - of natural causes, I might add - for another decade or so. How did that happen, by the way?" She snapped her fingers and a slate-colored file appeared in her manicured hand while they continued down the stone corridor.
Giles winced as she flipped through it, knowing what was coming...
"Seriously? Death by cutlery?"
"I was, ah, barbecuing."
Cordelia stopped short and turned slowly to face him, "Please tell me it wasn't - "
"A barbecue fork? Sadly, yes."
Her face twisted into the oddest expression: "I...I can't decide if I want to laugh or cry."
Giles sighed, "Yes, quite."
She shook her head, turned, and started walking again. "So, any thoughts on what you want your next life to be?" The corridor was starting to loop and twist, splitting into more and more paths until Giles started to wonder how, exactly, Cordelia knew where they were going.
"I'm sorry, what? My 'next life'?"
"Well, yeah."
He frowned, "I don't get to go to, ah, heaven?"
Cordelia shrugged, "You can, if you really want to. But not many stay there for long, unending happiness can get kind of boring sometimes, and most people like us tend to want to go back out and fight again if offered the chance. Heaven is really more of a way-stop for healing in between incarnations, like a really well-earned vacation at a spa - only taken to the nth degree."
"Oh... and you're here because?"
"You saw Ariel, didn't you?" she said with the slightest curl to her upper lip. "This place is sort of like purgatory: the souls that aren't good enough for heaven and haven't really earned a stint in hell end up here to serve, most of them are like your average DMV worker: they hate their customers almost as much as they hate their jobs. I volunteered to whip this place into shape."
Giles smiled at the thought, "Ever the queen?"
"You bet your ass!" She stopped before a plain wooden door, painted green. "Ready?"
"I thought I was to be presented with a choice?"
"You are, but this is the one you're going to want."
"And this is...?"
"You would be born to a very normal, kind set of parents and later have the opportunity to study magic. The other two best options are sort of similar: in either one, you will be the last scion of an old and wealthy family. Lots of history and dead British people, blah, blah, blah... I thought that, since you had to do the whole Watcher-thing, you might like to avoid all that and stick with the mundane family with no notions of 'peerage' or 'familial duty'."
Giles blinked, "That was rather well-thought out, I must agree."
They stood, staring at one another for a moment.
"I rather think that there's something I want to say to you," he frowned, "but somehow, it doesn't seem so important anymore. Do you know what it was?"
Cordelia smiled gently, "Yeah, I know. And you're forgiven. Don't worry about it, it's this place. You can't make a good choice about your next life if you're still stuck on mourning the ones from the old. I... it was good to see you again, G-man."
"That dratted nickname, I do so loathe nicknames..." So saying, he opened the door and stepped through, out of the life of Giles and onto the next grand adventure.
The Seer shut her eyes for a moment, looking at the life her old friend would lead. "Oh, god! Seriously?" She chuckled, "'Mione is so much worse than G-man!"
A/N2: Yeah... Giles was reincarnated as Hermione. The other two options were Harry or Neville. No, I don't know where this came from. I thought it was kinda fun, though!
(Also, the Ariel in this story may or may not be related to the creepy Andersen version of the myth where she has to do good deeds after dying in order to gain a soul.)
Author: vesselandpestle/ amusewithaview/ I don't even what
Rating: G
Crossover: BtVS/ Harry Potter
Disclaimer: Do not own (Whedon/ Rowling), but want to play with the pretties.
Summary: See Giles? See Giles die? See Seer scold the blushing Giles.
Warning: Silliness.
Author's notes: I blame FaithUnbreakable for this madness. Because this is her prompt...and the title is an on-going joke that I don't think either of us actually remember starting.
The office was very nice: dark wood paneling covered about four feet, off-setting the rose-colored walls very nicely. A few paintings dotted the walls, nothing too garish - all very tasteful. There was a desk with a very modern-looking computer of indeterminate make and a redhead in a smart suit typing away purposefully.
All in all, this was not what Giles had expected the afterlife to be.
"Erm... excuse me?"
The woman glanced up at him and offered a polite smile, "Yes?"
Giles stared at her, "I - I believe I might have... died?"
"Yes, you're just here for processing."
"Processing?"
She was still smiling, though the expression was a bit tight at the corners, "Yes."
"And what, precisely, does that entail?" he inquired a mite testily.
The redhead had barely opened her mouth when a hand landed on Giles' shoulder, accompanied by a strident voice saying, "Take a hike, Ariel, I'll handle this one." The ex-Watcher allowed himself to be gently spun around, whereupon he was faced with none other than -
"Cordelia?!"
She quirked a brow, "Who'd you expect? The ghosts of Christmas? A choir of angels?"
"Erm..."
"You're not that lucky, buster," the ex-Seer turned, clearly expecting him to follow, and headed for a stone doorway. "Well? Come on, we've got lots to do and all the time in the world to do it. Well, you have all the time in the world, I'm on a tight schedule. We weren't expecting you up here for a while yet. You weren't slated to die - of natural causes, I might add - for another decade or so. How did that happen, by the way?" She snapped her fingers and a slate-colored file appeared in her manicured hand while they continued down the stone corridor.
Giles winced as she flipped through it, knowing what was coming...
"Seriously? Death by cutlery?"
"I was, ah, barbecuing."
Cordelia stopped short and turned slowly to face him, "Please tell me it wasn't - "
"A barbecue fork? Sadly, yes."
Her face twisted into the oddest expression: "I...I can't decide if I want to laugh or cry."
Giles sighed, "Yes, quite."
She shook her head, turned, and started walking again. "So, any thoughts on what you want your next life to be?" The corridor was starting to loop and twist, splitting into more and more paths until Giles started to wonder how, exactly, Cordelia knew where they were going.
"I'm sorry, what? My 'next life'?"
"Well, yeah."
He frowned, "I don't get to go to, ah, heaven?"
Cordelia shrugged, "You can, if you really want to. But not many stay there for long, unending happiness can get kind of boring sometimes, and most people like us tend to want to go back out and fight again if offered the chance. Heaven is really more of a way-stop for healing in between incarnations, like a really well-earned vacation at a spa - only taken to the nth degree."
"Oh... and you're here because?"
"You saw Ariel, didn't you?" she said with the slightest curl to her upper lip. "This place is sort of like purgatory: the souls that aren't good enough for heaven and haven't really earned a stint in hell end up here to serve, most of them are like your average DMV worker: they hate their customers almost as much as they hate their jobs. I volunteered to whip this place into shape."
Giles smiled at the thought, "Ever the queen?"
"You bet your ass!" She stopped before a plain wooden door, painted green. "Ready?"
"I thought I was to be presented with a choice?"
"You are, but this is the one you're going to want."
"And this is...?"
"You would be born to a very normal, kind set of parents and later have the opportunity to study magic. The other two best options are sort of similar: in either one, you will be the last scion of an old and wealthy family. Lots of history and dead British people, blah, blah, blah... I thought that, since you had to do the whole Watcher-thing, you might like to avoid all that and stick with the mundane family with no notions of 'peerage' or 'familial duty'."
Giles blinked, "That was rather well-thought out, I must agree."
They stood, staring at one another for a moment.
"I rather think that there's something I want to say to you," he frowned, "but somehow, it doesn't seem so important anymore. Do you know what it was?"
Cordelia smiled gently, "Yeah, I know. And you're forgiven. Don't worry about it, it's this place. You can't make a good choice about your next life if you're still stuck on mourning the ones from the old. I... it was good to see you again, G-man."
"That dratted nickname, I do so loathe nicknames..." So saying, he opened the door and stepped through, out of the life of Giles and onto the next grand adventure.
The Seer shut her eyes for a moment, looking at the life her old friend would lead. "Oh, god! Seriously?" She chuckled, "'Mione is so much worse than G-man!"
A/N2: Yeah... Giles was reincarnated as Hermione. The other two options were Harry or Neville. No, I don't know where this came from. I thought it was kinda fun, though!
(Also, the Ariel in this story may or may not be related to the creepy Andersen version of the myth where she has to do good deeds after dying in order to gain a soul.)