FIC: Out of the Frying Pan

[twilights_blue]

Title: Out of the Frying Pan
Author: twilights_blue
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language
Word Count: 1.757
Summary: “You smell. It makes beasts notice.” Elisa stood and began rummaging through the boxes of tea that lined the wall behind her. “Have a seat, and I’ll see what I can do to help with the problem.”
Author's notes: First entry for the month of July for brigits_flame. I

Comments

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Hello! I'm your editor this week!

Let's begin with the specific and I will comment on concrit after. Corrections are in the brackets. Let's get started, shall we?

-“I know,” Lucas snapped, not appreciating being teased by his friend. “It’s just easy to forget, sometimes." “not appreciating being teased by his friend” can be omitted, as the dialogue and speech tags bring us to this understanding and make this statement reiteration.

-“Understandable, seeing [that] you grew up with such false concepts.”

-“Be nice,” Balt replied, just as quiet[ly].

-“Your friend, for instance…” A space must surround a set of ellipses, both before and behind. This should be applied to the ellipses throughout the rest of the story. http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/ellipsis.htm

-Lucas was struck dumb by the easy discovery of his affliction, and it took Balt elbowing him sharply in the ribs before he managed a response. You can omit the adverb “sharply

Re: Your BF edit!

[twilights_blue]

Thanks for the edit! I'll fix the details when I have the time to do so. :]

And I'd love the link you have for adverbs. They're one of my biggest problems, I must admit.

Re: Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

I would not say it is a big problem! :) I just had to find something to edit, so that comes next once you are spot-on for punctuation (which you are)

http://www.users.qwest.net/~yarnspnr/writing/adverbs/adverbs.htm

It took me awhile to come around to that point of view, but this was a helpful article for my own writing, I find. Hope it helps!