Fic: Dreams in the Dark
Title: Dreams in the Dark
Pairing: Tosh/Gwen preslash
Rating: G
Spoilers: Up to and including Greeks Bearing Gifts
Summary: Gwen is sitting on her front step, waiting for her. Set directly after Greeks Bearing Gifts, Gwen comforts Tosh.
A/N: Apologies if any details are wrong. I haven’t seen past 1x08… blame it on that.
Tosh doesn’t want to go home after Jack kills Mary. She goes out instead, to a bar where nobody knows her and she does shots until she thinks probably she can’t stand. Then she starts thinking about the last time she was in a bar, and about picking up and it all leads back to thoughts of Mary and she decides it’s time to go.
Tosh is sober by the time she gets home but she wonders if she’s seeing things, because there’s Gwen sitting on her front step, waiting for her. Tosh stops in front of her, wondering how long she’s been here because it’s the middle of the night after all, and it’s cold and Tosh thinks how much this reminds her of Mary sitting waiting for her except it doesn’t really, because Gwen is awkward and stammering and blushing red whereas Mary was cool and confident and everything Tosh always wished she could be.
But she pushes the thoughts away, thanks Gwen for her concern and steps around her to get to the door. Gwen follows her inside and Tosh thinks it should be a surprise, but it isn’t really, because this is exactly what Mary did and Tosh decides that she hates déjà vu.
But it’s different this time, because this time Tosh is keeping her emotions under control. She is, no matter how much her hand shakes as she takes the kettle away from Gwen, no matter how her mouth twists as she busies herself at the sink, keeping her back to the younger woman to stop her seeing the expression on her face. Gwen is quiet behind her and Tosh wonders what she was expecting, coming here. She wonders if she expected Tosh to dissolve into tears, while Gwen was the saviour, making everything better so that she could go home feeling good about herself and about Torchwood, leaving Tosh alone with her pain. If that’s what Gwen was expecting, Tosh thinks, she’d better go home.
Gwen is crying silently when Tosh turns around, and Tosh feels a surge of anger that Gwen is the one to be needful, that suddenly it’s all about her. Again. Tosh hesitates, wondering what she should do and then Gwen looks at her, opens her mouth, chokes out, “I’m so, so sorry,” and then suddenly Tosh is crying too and they’re both standing there in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil, and they’re crying.
It feels like an age since she lost Mary, longer still that she’s been carrying around this ball of hurt and anguish and it feels so good to just let it all out that she finds she can’t stop. She feels Gwen’s arms go around her and she thinks of Mary hugging her and it only makes the tears come faster. Then Tosh’s knees buckle and they slide down until they’re sitting together on the kitchen floor, Tosh sobbing into her knees and Gwen’s tears falling on her hair.
It’s a while later that Tosh finally runs out of tears and she sits up, idly noting Gwen’s smudged mascara and her own damp cheeks. They sit in silence and it should be awkward, Tosh thinks, but it isn’t. It’s comfortable, it’s safe. And it isn’t like being with Mary, Tosh decides, because Mary was all sharp edges and cool control, whereas Gwen is warm and soft and far more comforting than Mary’s careful words and tight smiles could ever be.
And then Gwen’s standing up and Tosh wonders if she’s leaving, if she’s cleared her conscience enough to go home. But then she’s tugging on Tosh’s hand, taking her into the bedroom and tucking her under the covers, telling her to wait while she makes cups of tea.
When Gwen returns, Tosh is curled up on her side and Gwen hesitates before setting the mugs down and pulling up a chair. She lays a cool hand on Tosh’s forehead, then reaches out to stroke her hair and Tosh thinks she feels like a child being comforted from a nightmare. So she shuts her eyes tight, whispers, ‘tell me a story,’ and lets the familiar words of a fairy tale drift over her. She’s not really listening, but the words are a sort of rhythm, and its order and its control and it’s everything Tosh thinks that she can deal with right now.
She falls asleep soon after that.
Gwen’s still there when she wakes up, hours later, with the daylight filtering in through the curtains to light up the room. Tosh looks at her, asleep in the armchair in the corner, hair spread around her face, make up smudged.
It’s a good sight.
Maybe, Tosh thinks, life isn’t so lonely after all.
Pairing: Tosh/Gwen preslash
Rating: G
Spoilers: Up to and including Greeks Bearing Gifts
Summary: Gwen is sitting on her front step, waiting for her. Set directly after Greeks Bearing Gifts, Gwen comforts Tosh.
A/N: Apologies if any details are wrong. I haven’t seen past 1x08… blame it on that.
Tosh doesn’t want to go home after Jack kills Mary. She goes out instead, to a bar where nobody knows her and she does shots until she thinks probably she can’t stand. Then she starts thinking about the last time she was in a bar, and about picking up and it all leads back to thoughts of Mary and she decides it’s time to go.
Tosh is sober by the time she gets home but she wonders if she’s seeing things, because there’s Gwen sitting on her front step, waiting for her. Tosh stops in front of her, wondering how long she’s been here because it’s the middle of the night after all, and it’s cold and Tosh thinks how much this reminds her of Mary sitting waiting for her except it doesn’t really, because Gwen is awkward and stammering and blushing red whereas Mary was cool and confident and everything Tosh always wished she could be.
But she pushes the thoughts away, thanks Gwen for her concern and steps around her to get to the door. Gwen follows her inside and Tosh thinks it should be a surprise, but it isn’t really, because this is exactly what Mary did and Tosh decides that she hates déjà vu.
But it’s different this time, because this time Tosh is keeping her emotions under control. She is, no matter how much her hand shakes as she takes the kettle away from Gwen, no matter how her mouth twists as she busies herself at the sink, keeping her back to the younger woman to stop her seeing the expression on her face. Gwen is quiet behind her and Tosh wonders what she was expecting, coming here. She wonders if she expected Tosh to dissolve into tears, while Gwen was the saviour, making everything better so that she could go home feeling good about herself and about Torchwood, leaving Tosh alone with her pain. If that’s what Gwen was expecting, Tosh thinks, she’d better go home.
Gwen is crying silently when Tosh turns around, and Tosh feels a surge of anger that Gwen is the one to be needful, that suddenly it’s all about her. Again. Tosh hesitates, wondering what she should do and then Gwen looks at her, opens her mouth, chokes out, “I’m so, so sorry,” and then suddenly Tosh is crying too and they’re both standing there in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil, and they’re crying.
It feels like an age since she lost Mary, longer still that she’s been carrying around this ball of hurt and anguish and it feels so good to just let it all out that she finds she can’t stop. She feels Gwen’s arms go around her and she thinks of Mary hugging her and it only makes the tears come faster. Then Tosh’s knees buckle and they slide down until they’re sitting together on the kitchen floor, Tosh sobbing into her knees and Gwen’s tears falling on her hair.
It’s a while later that Tosh finally runs out of tears and she sits up, idly noting Gwen’s smudged mascara and her own damp cheeks. They sit in silence and it should be awkward, Tosh thinks, but it isn’t. It’s comfortable, it’s safe. And it isn’t like being with Mary, Tosh decides, because Mary was all sharp edges and cool control, whereas Gwen is warm and soft and far more comforting than Mary’s careful words and tight smiles could ever be.
And then Gwen’s standing up and Tosh wonders if she’s leaving, if she’s cleared her conscience enough to go home. But then she’s tugging on Tosh’s hand, taking her into the bedroom and tucking her under the covers, telling her to wait while she makes cups of tea.
When Gwen returns, Tosh is curled up on her side and Gwen hesitates before setting the mugs down and pulling up a chair. She lays a cool hand on Tosh’s forehead, then reaches out to stroke her hair and Tosh thinks she feels like a child being comforted from a nightmare. So she shuts her eyes tight, whispers, ‘tell me a story,’ and lets the familiar words of a fairy tale drift over her. She’s not really listening, but the words are a sort of rhythm, and its order and its control and it’s everything Tosh thinks that she can deal with right now.
She falls asleep soon after that.
Gwen’s still there when she wakes up, hours later, with the daylight filtering in through the curtains to light up the room. Tosh looks at her, asleep in the armchair in the corner, hair spread around her face, make up smudged.
It’s a good sight.
Maybe, Tosh thinks, life isn’t so lonely after all.