My realm: The house down the street
Dean Winchester is a normal guy. He lives in a house with his dad and his brother and they hate the religious community who live down the street.
Castiel is in a religious community where they seek to emulate Angels. There's an annoying family down the street named the Winchesters.
True love happy ending.
You can read this as AO3
OR
The house down the street
Signe_chan
Summary:
Dean's a normal guy who works in a salvage yard. Castiel lives in a religious community down the street. Clearly it's love.
Work Text:
“Let us pray,” Zachariah said, placing his palms together and lowering his head. Castiel copied the gesture, allowing his eyes to close. Beside him Rachel shifted in her seat but he tried to ignore her and feel the grace of god move through him as Zachariah recited the mealtime prayer. All he felt was Rachel’s arm digging into his rib and he hated it. He longed for the flush of faith to return, the one that had first brought him to this family, but every day it seemed more and more distant and his faith harder and harder to maintain.
Not that he could voice doubts like that. Not here, not ever.
“Amen,” he said with the rest of the table, lifting his head and opening his eyes. Zachariah looked pompous, flushed with importance to be sat at the head of the table while Michael was away recruiting. His other brothers and sisters began to eat quietly. Things were always quiet in the house, it was a place away from the world, a place for contemplation.
He liked that, mostly. Liked that he was allowed the sanctity of his own thought, if not his own actions. It still felt odd to him for the house to be so full and yet so quiet. The houses he’d lived in before he found this family had never been this full but all of them had been loud, bubbling over with gossip and conversation. Now, twelve of them sat around the table (three chairs empty for those not currently here) and it was silent.
They finished their soup - a simple broth with vegetables grown in the garden by their own hands, and the sisters rose to clear the table. There were only three of them, recruiting new sisters was a priority for the house.
Once they were gone the brothers closed ranks, shifting close together at the head of the table to relate the news of the day. The sisters would perform a similar exercise but away from the men, as was proper. They shared much of the work in the house but sometimes, he was told, the sisters and the brothers must be separate.
“Well, brothers,” Zachariah said, leaning back in his chair and gesturing to encompass them all. “Come, tell me your news of the day!”
They all turned to Raphael, one of the original members of the house. There had been general surprise that Michael hadn’t chosen him to head the house while he was away but they all knew better than to challenge Michael.
“Today I read a verse, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it”, then meditated on this verse.“
“Amen,” the all echoed and Raphael smiled a self-satisfied smile.
They continued in order of rank. Castiel, for his faith, was high in the list. He knew this was the time when he should confess his doubts and seek the solace and salvation of his brothers but experience stilled his tongue. He had been here when Lucifer began to confess his doubts, he knew what would follow (and wasn’t it right that Lucifer was the one who fell, they all said after that they should have known).
Instead he told them of his walk to the local park, how he had passed a child and prayed for her soul. The brothers nodded and moved on.
He stayed quiet until Samanadriel had recited the final deeds of the day and then, with his brothers, he prayed.
***
“I saw one of the freaks from that angel house today,” John said, dropping down into his seat. “One of the men, I mean.”
Dean nodded. Wouldn’t be worth mentioning otherwise, you saw the girls out often enough. Not that they ever spoke to anyone other than to exchange basic courtesies and ask if they’d like to pray. Freaks. He was kind of used to it, though. The Angel House had been on the street for ten years now, he was familiar with how weird it was.
‘What, did they try to convert you?” Sam asked with a grin. He was the only one who didn’t seem to hate the place. John and Dean sure did. It wasn’t that they hadn’t given them a chance. When they’d first moved in and there’d only been four of them, well, Dad had tried and Dean remembered him trying but they’d never been interested in anyone outside their own walls unless they thought they could turn them in to an angel.
Dean wasn’t even a little bit interested in that.
‘I just like to know where those freaks are so I can avoid them,’ John growled.
“We get it,’” Sam assured him. “Was this guy even doing anything to you or did you just hate him on sight?”
“He was talking to some kid at the park,” Dad said with a shrug. “Wearing a weird trench coat, probably some kind of closet pervert. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were all closet perverts over there.”
“As long as they stay over there, I don’t really mind,” Dean said with a shrug. “I mean, so long as we don’t have to talk to them.”
“Right,” Dad agreed. Sam rolled his eyes but luckily didn’t say anything. Dean breathed a sigh of relief. More than one of their argument had been started by the occupants of the Angel house and he didn’t want to get into that right now.
A timer went off in the kitchen and he stood up, quickly going to retrieve the dinner. He opened the door and smelt the pie cooking within. It smelt rich, he imagined it was going to taste delicious and he shut the oven door with a grin. If there was one thing he honestly loved it was cooking for his family. He’d taken it over a few years ago when Dad nearly burnt the kitchen and brought up a lot of old wounds.
He took the pie out, slicing it and plating up to quickly and then adding a dollop of the creamy mash he’d finished just before dad came in. It looked delicious, Hopefully good enough to shut dad up about the angel house for a minute at least.
The thing was, he got here Dad was coming from, they were weird and he didn’t like them. He also got where Sam was coming from, that it was none of his damn business if they weren’t hurting him. He was just sick of being in the middle of them. He thought it’d get better when Sam went to college but it had only gotten worse and how he’d graduated it seemed like they couldn’t say a thing to each other without arguing.
It was almost enough to make him want to move out but he knew if he did they’d kill each other in a week. It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to go either. Not since Lisa had said her last goodbye and moved away.
He picked up Sam and Dad’s plates and carried them through. Sam was grinning at his phone, probably Jess, and Dad was sipping a beer so they’d apparently managed not to kill each other while he was gone so that was an improvement. He went back to grab his own plate and dug in.
As they ate Dad complained about work and Sam rolled his eyes but kept quiet. Dean just nodded along. He didn’t mention his own day at the scrap yard, it had been kind of the same as every day. Long and frustrating and a hint of boring, but the company was alright and Bobby had let him choose the radio station so there was that at least.
Once they’d finished Sam and Dad stood up and left, Sam to his room with his phone glued to his hand and Dad to watch something, a fresh beer next to him and at least they weren’t fighting to Dean grinned and went off to the kitchen to clean up. Another successful meal.
***
Anna was beautiful. Castiel knew that objectively though, of course, she was his sister so he didn’t think of expressing it to her. But she was beautiful, and not just in the obvious way. She smiled bright enough to light up a room and her laugh sounded like bells. She sometimes made him think about things he wasn’t meant to think of now, things from when he was a regular man - before he became an angel, so he avoided her as a rule.
Today they were working in the garden together. Balthazar was there too, though he always resented his time in the garden so he worked slowly and grudgingly. Castiel quite enjoyed it. The sun was warm today and across the vegetable patch Joshua was humming one of his favorite hymns.
Anna was crouched a little closer to Balthazar then was normally acceptable, but she was young and Balthazar was a handsome man so Castiel could accept they might be drawn to each other. Of course, nothing could come of it. Not in a life like this, but he could forgive them this little indulgence and looked away when she lifted a hand to lay on Balthazar’s arm.
Anna was the only person in the house who was actually a blood relation or someone else in the house. Zacharia’s niece, her parents had died young leaving her in his care and she’d been only thirteen when she entered the house, making her both the youngest sister and technically the most senior. Castiel understood why this life might be hard for her. He’d tasted the world and chosen this life for himself but she’d never had that choice. He’d wished, at times, that he could give her the chance to go out and tastes the world, like he was her indulgent father and not her brother in the eyes of the Lord, but he knew Michael would never tolerate it.
She was looking at him now, hand still on Balthazar’s arm, and Balthazar was grinning as only a man who knew he sinned but indulged anyway could grin. Castiel turned his eyes. He was not here to guard Balthazar’s soul. He wouldn’t interfere unless it went to far.
He went to the far corner of the garden to refill his watering can. After a few minutes he heard the swish of her skirt as Anna followed.
“Castiel,” she whispered urgently, laying a hand on his arm. “Can I trust you?”
“Of course,” he said, immediately. “With anything.”
“Balthazar thinks I’m mad,” she said with a little self-deprecating twist of her lip. “I think you might understand, though. You see, we’re going to sneak out tonight and I’d like to invite you to come.”
“Anna,” he hissed, glancing around to ensure nobody had heard them. “You can’t, what if Michael were to find out?”
“Balthazar’s been doing it for months,” she insisted, “Maybe even years. Michael isn’t here right now, he says it should be safe. Will you please come? It’d been so long since I talked to anyone other than the people here and, well, I’d feel so much safer if you were there too.”
“If you want to feel safe you should stay here with your family,” he said, but he already knew from the sad look in his eyes that he was going to give in to her. “You’ll...If you must go you’ll be safe with Balthazar.”
“But I’d be safer with you,” she insisted, and Castiel couldn’t deny that for he knew the problems with drink and drugs that had led to Balthazar joining the house. Of his brothers, he was closer to Balthazar then all of them. Still, he knew that Balthazar was troubled by temptation and, if he could not stop Anna leaving, he’d be better to go with her.
“Please, sister,” he hissed. “Please just stay.”
“I can’t,” she said, and she sounded almost anguished. “What life is this, hiding here and never knowing anything about the world outside. It’s not that I don’t believe, Castiel. I just want to see the world.”
How could he deny her that?
***
At ten O’clock the inhabitants of the house went to sleep. They woke up early to tend crops and clean and pray so it was no hardship and many of them slept easily. Castiel shared quarters with Uriel, which was nice as Uriel was the funniest brother he had. They had pleasant conversations when they retired and would pray together immediately before sleep.
Uriel was also a heavy sleeper and accustomed to Castiel slipping from his bed in the night and
walking. Sometimes he had trouble sleeping and instead liked to use the time to meditate or pray. He didn’t stir when Castiel slid from his bed at ten thirty and changed his sleep wear for his day clothes, nor when Castiel slid out the door.
Anna was already waiting by the back door, nervous anticipation writ across her face. She gripped his arm when he joined her, looking into his face as though seeking confirmation that she was doing the right thing. He looked away, he couldn’t give her that.
Balthazar joined them soon enough and they slipped out into the back garden. He led them down the back of the property, through a gap in the fence and then through another garden and on to the street.
“We’re out,” Anna sighed, as though she could hardly believe it. Castiel had to admit he was a little shocked by how easy it had been.
“I told you were was nothing to worry about,” Balthazar said, grinning toothily and striding down the street like he owned it. Castiel followed more cautiously. “Though I must admit I’m a little surprised at you, Castiel. I was sure you were going to turn us in.”
“I’m not responsible for your sins,” he said with a helpless shrug. “And Anna deserves one night of freedom.”
“My thought exactly,” Balthazar said, slowing to throw an arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “I am glad you’re here, brother. Anna isn’t the only one who deserves a little freedom.”
“I’m happy as I am,” Castiel insisted, but the words sounded hollow to his own ears.
Balthazar led them to a house where they were greeted by a girl dressed for clubbing who kissed Balthazar deeply in greeting, so much that Castiel turned his eyes away. Anna watched them hungrily and Castiel tried not to think too much on that.
Balthazar apparently came here often enough to leave a bag of clothes that would certainly have not been approved by his brothers. He offered an outfit to Castiel but he refused, pulling his trench coat tighter around himself. Anna gladly accepted a change of the other girl’s clothes and came back to join them dressed like a doll, her face still shining under the makeup and a skirt so short, Castiel couldn’t help but wonder what Balthazar and this girl intended for her tonight.
They headed to town.
***
Saturday night was Dean’s. He didn’t work on a Sunday so he didn’t have to worry about being awake enough to be useful to Bobby in the morning. Dad went to that dive on 8th with the other security guards and never got back before 3am so he didn’t need anything and Sam normally went out, though he never said where, so even if Dad did come back early Sam wouldn’t be there to fight with him. That made the night Dean’s.
Some weeks he was so tired he just went to bed. He went out drinking with Dad or Sammy on other night, sometimes he just wanted to catch up on Doctor Sexy and eat some pie. Tonight he felt restless. Tonight he wanted to go out.
When he went out on his own he went to the roadhouse. It was one of the places his dad used to drink before he fell out with the owners (as he always did eventually at every bar) so Dean could be pretty sure he wouldn’t show up there. He also knew Sam hated the place so it was safe. It was Dean’s. People knew his name there, he felt at home.
He didn’t think it was odd when he came in and noticed a few familiar faces, but they nagged at him. They were familiar, sure, but they seemed out of place. Like they didn’t quite fit. He pushed it to the side, not his problem tonight. Ordered a beer, shot some pool, flirted with Jo even though she kept shooting him down. That was the game between him.
It was only when he noticed the familiar red head flit back to the creepy intense guy in the trench coat and his mind flicked back to the conversation with his dad earlier that week that he made the connection. They were from the angel house.
Once he noticed, he couldn’t help but look.
The girl, he’d seen her out and about, that was why she looked familiar, but she wasn’t dressed like he’d ever seen her before. Normally, they work long skirts and blouses, right now she was wearing a little black dress and heels that she clearly wasn’t used to walking in and she’s always been sort of pretty but now she wasn’t dressed like someone’s grandma she looked...
She looked like she might be the kind of girl he’d normally try to take to bed on a night like this. But he shouldn’t, right? Religious chicks were never a good idea, right?
Apparently he’d been staring too long because though she hadn’t noticed he seemed to have caught the attention of trench coat who was suddenly studying him intensely. He turned back to his game, trying to shut them out of his mind but every time he looked over, trench coat was still looking.
It was fucking weird.
He finished up the game and moved back to the bar, trying to sweet talking Jo in to giving him his drink for free thought he knew damn well that never worked. That was when red came up to him.
“Hello,” she said, a little breathless and a little flushed from alcohol.
“Hey,” he replied, smiling at her. “Erm, how are you?”
“I’m great,” she enthused, leaning on the bar. “Everything is so great. I’m Anna. What’s your name?”
“Dean,” he said, leaning a little closer without thinking as Anna led in to his space. “Let me buy you a drink?”
“Oh, please,” she said, flushed, and he nodded, turning and gesturing Jo over. Anna kept talking, leaning against Dean’s arm and telling him how new and exciting everything was and how nice everyone was being. It gave him a weird protective urge. Like, he got that she didn’t get out much and she didn’t quite get how many of the people being nice to her were doing it because she had a nice set of legs and a short skirt.
She drank vodka and lemonade, a single but it made her even more flushed and lose and when it was gone someone came to ask her to dance and she let them twirl her away. Dean watched her go quietly.
A guy sat down on the stool she’d just left. Dean glanced over and recognized him. The guy she’d been with earlier. Not trench coat, the other one.
“You can fuck her, you know,” he said, conversationally. Dean raised an eyebrow. “I mean, not that I’m her keeper but you know who she is, right? You were much more of a gentleman then the other men have been and our dear Anna, she’s never been out before. She deserves a good time so just be a gentleman to her.”
“Who says I want to?” Dean asked, glaring. The man chuckled.
“Oh, I’ve seen you looking at her. I don’t know when I’m going to be able to get her out again without consequences so, of you want her, take her now. You’ll be doing her a favor.”
“How do you figure?” Dean asked.
“Well, she’s only in that little convent of ours because of her uncle and really it’s no place for a girl her age. No place for anyone, really. She deserves a night to be the prettiest girl in the bar and have a gentleman take her home so I’m just saying that if you do we won’t say a word against you. Just keep it safe.”
“This is really weird,” Dean noted, but the other man just laughed then slipped off his stool and headed away. Dean looked over to trench coat who was still watching them with a frown then shrugged. What could it hurt.
He went over and asked Anna to dance. She gave him a wide smile and lent in to him, whispering in his ear, and said yes when he asked her to go outside.
He broke into a car. He wished he could do better by her but he hadn’t brought his own car and he didn’t have the money for a motel. They fucked on the back seat, slow and gentle and he made it good for her. She fucked like she’d never even touched herself before, like everything they did was a revelation to her.
It was a little heady and surreal.
When they finished she kissed him sweetly, said goodbye and headed back into the bar. Dean leant against the wall and just breathed for a second.
Then trench coat appeared.
A part of him had been expecting this. He’d had the nice, this was the threat. Trench coat didn’t look threatening, though. He looked a little lost and almost startled to find Dean there.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, confirming the impression. “I...I just needed a little air.”
“Hey, it’s a free country,” Dean said with a shrug. Trench coat looked at him for a second then moved to lean on the wall next to him. Unlike Anna and sleazy guy, Cas was dressed in the clothes all the guys in Angel house wore. A plain shirt, dark slacks. “How’d you get dragged on this anyway?”
“I’m here because Anna didn’t want to come without me,” he said. “I...she deserves to experience the world, I wanted to give her that.”
“Really?” Dean blurted. “‘Cause I thought you were going to be scary brother and now sleazy brother got his way you were going to come and threaten me away from ever touching her again.”
“No,” trench coat said with a smile. “Though I will agree Balthazar is a little sleazy tonight. I thought he’d overcome this part of his personality but it would seem he has not. I’m Castiel.”
“Dean,” Dean said, holding his hand out automatically for the other man to shake. Castiel took it and shook it firmly. Dean liked that in a man. “You guys have some weird names. Castiel and Balthazar.”
“We’re named for angels,” Castiel said with a smile. “When you enter the house you become as an angel so you take a new name for yourself.”
“Anna’s an angel name?”
“Yes. We have a Rachel too. And a Joshua, and a Michael. Though I fear the rest of our names are as strange as mine.”
“Nah, it’s a good name,” Dean said with a shrug. “Bit of a mouthful. Mind if I call you Cas instead?”
“Of course, that’s fine,” Cas said. He looked a little taken aback but Dean shrugged it off. He was a weird religious guy, maybe his kind didn’t go in for nicknames.
“So, how many of you live in that house? We see a lot of you coming and going but we’ve never got a real count.”
“You’ve watched the house?” Cas asked with a frown. Dean laughed.
“Dude, not like that. We live down the street. Me, my dad and my brother.”
“Wait,” Cas said, brow wrinkling. “You’re the older Winchester brother.”
“Yes,” Dean confirmed.
“You once threw flour and eggs all over the front of our house.”
“I did,” Dean admitted. “But I’ve grown up a lot since then. Mellowed out.
“Your father destroyed all our flower beds last week.”
“He did?” Dean asked, eyes widening. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t...I mean, I know he doesn’t like you guys but I didn’t know he’d done something like that. I’m sorry, man. I’ll talk to him. Can I do something to make it up to you?”
“No,” Castiel said, looking confused again. “It is fine. He often does things like that, we accept it. But you’re not very popular in our house.”
“Dad can be a dick,” Dean agreed. “I try not to be any more.”
“Castiel?” they looked up to see Balthazar leaning through the door. “Oh, hello. Are you trying to get laid too?”
“What do you want, brother?” Cas said, looking tired.
“Anna’s ready to leave,” he said with a shrug. “Are you coming with us or will you make your own way back in?”
“I’ll come with you,” Cas said, pushing away from the wall. “If was good to meet you, Dean.”
“Likewise,” Dean said, and then he was alone again.
***
Dean sees Anna two days later. She’d shopping in the supermarket with two other women dressed like they’re from the angel house. She flushes when she sees him but if the two other women notice they don’t say anything. He leaves her in peace and goes on his way.
He doesn’t seem Cas for almost two weeks. The ridiculous thing is, it’s the guy in the trench coat he has trouble getting out of his head, not the hot red head he banged. Anna was nice. Pretty and friendly, but there had been something about Cas. Dean kind of wanted to know him. He seemed, for the brief time they’d spoke, like a pretty sane and normal guy so they begged the question - why the hell was he living in the angel house?
For weeks after he kept asking himself that. Kept wondering what the guy’s story was, kept catching flashes of beige out of the corner of his eye and turning to see if it was Cas. Then, finally, it was.
It was a Thursday, he was running late and Cas was heading in to the park. For a second he thought about carrying on home but, well, Sammy and Dad could wait on dinner. He might not get this chance again.
Castiel was sitting on a bench by the duck pond, studying the brown water as though it held the meaning of life. Dean went over and sat next to him and Cas looked up, focusing on Dean and frowning.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice as deep as Dean remembered.
“Saw you sitting here and broody, looked like you could use some company. It’s some serious thinking you’re doing there.”
“Yes,” Cas agreed. “Serious thought it encouraged in the house. I was contemplating bible verse. Would you like to hear my thoughts?”
“I’m not so religious,” Dean said with a shrug. “Though if you want to tell me I’ll listen. If it’d help to talk it out.”
Cas studied him for a second, as though expecting Dean to change his mind, but Dean meant it. He’d wanted to find out more about Cas, this seemed like as good a way as any.
“Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.””
“Sounds kind of grim,” Dean said with a wince. “Do you fear god, Cas?”
“Yes,” Cas said simply. “For I have sinned, and then I was made anew as an angel, yet still sin.”
“Maybe sin is just human,” Dean said. “Like, we can’t help it. God wouldn’t blame you for something you couldn’t change, right?”
“Maybe,” Cas said, though he didn’t look convinced. “Faith is needed, to questions is sin and yet still the questions are there.”
“Questions are a good thing,” Dean argued. “I mean, if we don’t question things then how do we find anything out? Acceptance is alright but not without a reason. I mean, I know it’s stupid to compare but I used to just do everything my dad said without question, but as I got older I realised he wasn’t always the best person to take orders from. I mean, I still respect the guy a hell of a lot but sometimes you have to make your own decisions in life.”
“What if your decisions are the wrong decision?” Cas asked, gazing down at his hands.
“Then you live with them.”
They didn’t say anything else after that, just sat there quietly staring at the muddy water. Dean thought about his Dad, about Sammy. About following orders and about Cas. Eventually Cas said goodbye, stood up and left, and Dean did the same.
The next night, Cas was on the bench again at the same time. It became their habit.
***
Castiel knew he should change the time of his walk and his contemplation. Change the place, even. Maybe stop going out. Talking to Dean was becoming an indulgence, a pleasure, and he was not meant to have those.
Still, he couldn’t resist.
Dean was sometimes thoughtful, sometimes funny. He talked about his family, about movies he’d seen and meals he cooked and he asked about Castiel’s family, about Anna and Balthazar and the others. He remembered what Castiel said before and followed up on it, asking after Samandriel after Castiel mentioned he was ill. Mostly, he never asked about Castiel before. The people he’d spoken to since he became Castiel who weren’t part of his family had always wanted to know the before. Who he was before he was Castiel. Dean never asked.
Castiel was a little addicted to his talks with Dean.
If he could admit it to himself, he was a little attracted to Dean too. Though he couldn’t admit that as attraction was sin.
***
Dean kind of wanted to sleep with Cas. He wasn’t sure when it had started, but he’d been thinking it more and more. Thing was, their talks were pretty much the best part of his day, now. Everything else was a balancing act. Couldn’t talk to Sam about Dad or Sam got angry. Couldn’t talk to Dad about Sam or he’d whine and bitch. Couldn’t talk to Bobby about them as Bobby didn’t need that shit. Couldn’t talk to either Dad or Sam about the work he took on; Sam would just look at him because Dean had ALWAYS done the housework and never complained before and Dad would call him ungrateful.
Cas listened. Even when he was being a whiny little bitch Cas listened as though anything Dean had to say was worth listening to. He listened and offered opinions and condolences and was just about the best friend Dean had.
And in return he got to know Cas, which was what he wanted from the start. It didn’t take much to work out that Cas was conflicted. That he believed, just not in the same intense way he used to believe and that bothered him. They’d talked about it at length, but Cas still seemed conflicted and Dean wished he had answers to give but he didn’t. All he could do was be a friend.
He got the idea Cas needed a friend as much as he did.
***
Dean was having a shit day. Bobby had been in an angry mood and Bobby in an angry mood reminded him a bit too much of Dad in an angry mood and Dad in an angry mood probably meant stuff was getting thrown, at people if he was really angry. He didn’t want Bobby to start throwing car parts so he kept himself quiet and small and got on with things but none of the jobs went right and the day was just a write off.
So it made sense, when he get to the park, that after three months of meetings this was the day Cas let him down. He’d known it was going to happen sometime, it wasn’t like Cas owed him anything in spite of what he told himself in his head, but still it felt kind of horrible to sit down alone on the bench to stare at the muddy water.
He knew he should just go home but he didn’t want to. Dad had been in a foul mood all week and Sam was being extra sneaky which was never a good combination. Sam hadn’t come back from work until gone midnight last night which pretty much guaranteed that Dad was going to blow up at him tonight and Dean just couldn’t.
He couldn’t.
He leant over and put his head between his knees and tried to just breath but somehow the world felt like too much. Like, what if Cas never came back? What if he realised there were a million better people then Dean - people who were more thoughtful or intelligent or kind. What if he had to go back to getting through this shit alone.
How the hell had he let himself become so dependent in three months. This wasn’t good.
He heard footstep and he looked up. Cas was hurrying down the path, looking as harried as Dean felt. Their eyes met and Cas slowed, visibly relaxed. Dean felt himself relax too. It was alright. It wasn’t over yet.
“I’m sorry,” Cas said, falling in to his seat behind Dean. “It has been...it has been a bad day.”
“You gonna tell me about it?” Dean asked. Cas looked troubled for a second then nodded.
“Anna and Balthazar have gone,” he said. “They left in the night last night, there is no sign of them.”
“Damn,” Dean said, sitting up a little. His day had been bad but at least nobody was missing. “They’re not hurt, are they?”
“We don’t believe so,” Cas said with a shake of his head. “Anna left a note, though Balthazar did not. She thanked us for what we’d done for her, but said she needs to find her own way.”
“Sounds reasonable,” Dean said. “I mean, from what you’ve told me about how you guys like I’d say it’s not unexpected that a young girl would want to get out and enjoy her youth while she has it.”
“I can see that argument,” Cas admitted. “However, my brothers do not. Many of them have taken it as a personal insult that she left. Raphael is livid. The sisters are worse, even. Hester has been in a rage all day.”
“Isn’t your religion meant to be about forgiveness?” Dean asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, but my brothers seem to have trouble holding to that today,” Cas said with a tired sigh. “Myself, Joshua, Samandriel. We have begged forgiveness for her but they do not listen. They see her desertion as worse than Balthazar’s, he was an addict before he came to us but Anna was always pure.”
“Purity doesn’t exist,” Dean said. “Not really, anyway. Anna had wants and needs like every woman.”
“I know that,” Cas said, shoulders sagging. “I just hope she’s safe.”
“Hey,” Dean said, leaning over and bumping shoulders. “Maybe she’s still in town. You said Balthazar had a friend? Maybe we can go look for her?”
“You need not involve yourself in this, Dean. You have your own problems.”
“Yes, I do. But that’s no reason I can’t help out a friend. Come on, Cas. Let me help you.”
Cas sat for a moment, eyes closed, then he nodded. Dean smiled. This, at least, was something he could do.
“I will leave the house tonight when the others are asleep, I can meet you on the street at 10:30?”
“Better make it eleven, I’ll need to wait until dad’s passed out.”
“Eleven it is.”
***
“What do you want?” The girl at the door was indeed the one Castiel had met the last time he was here, the blond with the attitude who Balthazar had seemed to enamored of.
“We’re looking for Balthazar and Anna,” he said. Her eyes narrowed.
“If you’re one of their brothers you can go and fuck right off. They don’t want anything to do to with you.”
“Please,” Castiel said, stepping in close to stop her slamming the door. “I came here with them before. I don’t want to take them back, I just want to know that they’re well.”
“I remember you,” she admitted. “But who’s that?”
“I’m Dean,” Dean said, stepping up. “Dean Winchester.” Castiel tried not to focus on the feel of Dean so close to him. He knew he should not even think it with Balthazar and Anna gone. He trusted Balthazar to be able to care for himself but Anna? Still, it was there. This undeniable pull which he hadn’t felt since before. The need to be near Dean, to have more of him, be consumed by him.
“Oh, a Winchester?” the girl said, perking up. “That’s different. Balthazar took Anna out to a club to celebrate her freedom. Lucifer’s cage, it’s on 4th, just past the lights but you won’t miss it.”
“Thank you,” Castiel said, trying to hide the twist in his gut at the name. Lucifer’s cage, probably just coincidence but what if the first of his brothers to fall was still here, running a bar. Surely that was a ridiculous thought.
He let Dean guide him back to the car with a hand on the small of his back.
Dean was quiet on the drive over and Castiel let him to his thoughts. Instead he dwelled on his own. He was not even sure he should be here or how he would be received. Maybe Anna wished to make a clean break, maybe he had meant nothing to Balthazar though he had considered the other man a friend. Still, he needed to see them. He needed to know.
The place was lit up like a casino - red LED flames chasing themselves up its front and bouncers on the entrance. They pulled up and sat there for a few minutes, just looking.
“You sure you want to do this?” Dean asked, finally. Castiel chuckled.
“No, I’m not,” he admitted. “Have you ever been to this place before?”
“No,” Dean admitted. “Not my scene, but the name sounds familiar...like I’ve heard it somewhere before. I just can’t think where. Looks kind of intimidating.”
“It does,” Castiel agreed. “Shall we go in?”
“I guess we’d better,” Dean said with a sigh, opening the door and pulling himself out.
The bouncers give them an odd look but don’t say anything and they head inside. The place is ridiculously packed though it is a Friday night. Cas seeks out Dean’s hand without thinking, wanting to keep with him in the crush. Dean gives him an odd look for a second then squeezes his hand back and Castiel breathes a sigh of relief.
The noise in the place is insane, the music is pounding and the lights are flashing. He’s never been in a place like that before, not even before. He used to frequent places like the Roadhouse, where he first met Dean. This kind of place...never.
Dean used their joined hands to tug him towards the bar, which was even more crowded but he did at least spot Balthazar, leaning on a table a little way of. He tugged Dean in that direction and the other men went without resisting.
When Balthazar saw them he grinned, waving them over and Castiel crowded in as close as he could.
“Well well, Castiel,” Balthazar yelled, barely audible above the noise, and slung an arm over his shoulder. “I didn’t think you had it in you!”
“I want to check on Anna,” he said, leaning in to be heard. Dean shifted behind him, tugging gently at their joined hands. Castiel was glad to have the hold. It felt like a lifeline in this crowd.
“You didn’t come for the ambiance?” Balthazar smirked. “I am disappointed! She was on the dance floor last time I saw her. Just remember, my friend. If you ever want to get out you have friends on the outside, other than your adorable little boyfriend here.”
“Thank you,” Castiel replied stiffly, knowing it was meant well, then he moved off again, tugging Dean towards the dance floor.
As they moved through the crowd he finally spotted Anna, her red hair giving her away. He moved up to her quickly, somehow losing Dean in the process but focused. She spun when he tapped her on the shoulder and her face lit up in a grin when she saw him, pulling him into a hug she’d have found inappropriate just twenty four hours ago.
“Castiel!” she exclaimed. “What on earth are you doing here?”
“I came to check on you,” he shouted into her ear. “To make sure you’re alright.”
“Thank you,” she yelled back. “Let’s talk outside.”
He nodded and followed her out through the crowd. The air outside was unexpectedly cool and fresh after the crush inside and he took a few seconds just to breath.
“Oh Castiel,” Anna said, pressing up against him again in another hug. “Thank you! I’d hoped you’d come to see me.”
“I needed to be sure you were safe,” he said, hugging her back.
“Yes, Balthazar is helping me,” he said with a small smile. “I trust him, or at least enough for now. I’m sorry but I just couldn’t stand it there anymore. I know you chose it but I never did.”
“It’s alright,” Cas said, reaching up to stroke her hair. “I know it’s a hard life.”
“It is,” she agreed. “Nobody should live that way. That includes you, you know. I don’t believe that god hates us as much as Michael seems to want us to think. I was always told that god loves us before I came to the house, I want to believe that again.”
“I hope you’re right,” Castiel said. “I really do.”
“I’m going to go back inside,” Anna said, stepping away. “You know where I am if you need me, I trust you. And if you ever want out, you have a friend.”
“Thank you,” he whispered, but she was already moving away, the doors of the club slamming shut again behind her. He took a few deep breaths, trying not to think about what she’d said, and readied himself to dive back in to find Dean. Before he could the door opened again and Dean came spilling out onto the pavement, his eyes wide and blood running down his face from a burst nose.
“Dean?” Castiel asked, stepping quickly to his side. Dean reached out and caught his shoulder, leaning on him.
“Sorry,” he gasped. “Just, give me a minute.”
“What happened?” he asked, steering Dean away from the door and bringing him to sit on the step. He crouched down next to him, using the sleeve of his coat to wipe away the blood. Dean looked wild, eyes wide. He focused past Castiel on to the pavement and Castiel didn’t like it at all. “Dean?”
“Sammy’s in there,” Dean said finally. Castiel nodded. He knew Dean was very protective of his brother, like a good brother should be.
“Did you fight to protect him,” he asked, dabbing again at the blood on Dean’s face.
“No,” Dean said, his voice somehow full of despair. “You don’t get it, Cas. Sammy, my Sammy, is in there right now practically fucking some girl against a table. Some girl who isn’t his girlfriend.”
“Ah,” Castiel said, slowly. That was rather different from what he’d been envisioning.
“He’s high too. His eyes, damn Cas. It was like he didn’t even get who I was. He just punched me and...I just left. I need...I need to go back in there and get him.”
“Going back in there will not help,” Castiel replied, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “If he isn’t in control of himself right now, he might hurt you again.”
“That doesn’t matter, Cas,” Dean insisted. He tried to pull away but Castiel held him close. “Don’t you get it, I don’t matter. My brother, he’s who matters, and he’s in there right now high on I don’t even know what cheating on his girlfriend! I mean, I don’t know why he’d do that to Jess? She’s so sweet!”
“I’m sorry,” was all Castiel could think of to say. Dean didn’t seem to want to listen, instead he just lowered his head to his hands.
“I’ve failed him, Cas,” he said, and he sounded so close to breaking that Cas lent in, put an arm around him as though he could physically hold him together. “All I was ever meant to do was take care of Sammy and now, now I must have let him down or why would he do this?”
“Why he’s doing this is only a questions that Sam can answer but, Dean, you are not responsible for his choices.”
“Oh yeah? Tell me dad that?” Dean growled, rubbing his palms against his eyes. “He’s going to be so damn angry at me.”
“It is not your fault.”
“He told me when I was a kid, my job’s to look after Sam and look what I’ve done. I’m just useless. They were right all along. Useless and worthless.”
“You are not useless,” Castiel insisted, pressing closer. “You take care of them though they should care for themselves. You cook and clean and try to settle their disputes and keep peace. You are far from useless. And you are not worthless, not to me.”
Dean was quiet for a while after that. He eventually stood up, still as tense as he had been, but he moved to the car and not the club so that was a good thing. Castiel trained behind him and when Dean climbed in the car he climbed in the passenger seat.
“I’ll drop you off,” Dean said, his voice low and flat. “I need to drive, to think.”
“I will go with you,” Castiel said. “If you don’t mind.”
“You don’t need to...” Dean started.
“I want to,” Castiel assured him. And he did. Though Dean was angry and hurt and so broken right now, Castiel still wanted to be close to him. Not just to be sure he didn’t hurt himself but to offer what support he could, though there may be nothing he could do. Dean grunted, but he pulled away from the curb and headed away from their homes. Castiel let the silence fill the car. He wished he had words to help Dean but he didn’t, not just now, so he just let him drive.
***
Dean couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t think and he couldn’t believe it. Sammy, Sammy was everything Dean wasn’t. Everything worth protection and valuable and good to Dean’s rough and ready. Sam was meant to be the best of all of them, not this.
Never this.
He was going to have to do something. To say something to Sammy, to Dad. It was going to be hell, he knew that.
It was why he’d gone driving. Since he’d been old enough to drive he’d done it to clear his head. He felt, sometimes, like he could just get into his car and keep going. Not stop and turn around but just go, past the end of everything and never come back. It helped him put things into a kind of perspective. Helped him think. Nothing was helping him right now.
If Sam wanted help, maybe they could do this. His brother, though, was as stubborn as anything. This was going to be a fight.
He finally stopped after a couple of hours, pulling up beside the road. He looked over as Cas. He’d never driven with another person like this before, but somehow having Cas here felt right. He kind of wished he could take Cas and run away. He the the other man had his share of problems right now with his family, he wished he could drive them both away from it all.
“Do you feel better?” Cas asked, and Dean shook his head because he didn’t. Not really. He wasn’t sure he ever would again after this mess.
“Dean,” Cas said, he sounded as lost as Dean felt. He turned his head down to study his hands and then slowly, reached a hand across to take one of Dean’s
“You know, Cas,” Dean said, slowly. “I...thank you. I’ve made a mess but thank you for coming with me.”
“I would not be anywhere else.” Cas said, turning to face him then and, dammit, you only live once. Dean had already spoilt everything else, why not this too?
He lent over and kissed Cas.
It was soft, and for a few seconds he just sat there waiting, and then Cas’s hand raised to cup the back of their head and they began kissing in earnest. Kissing like drowning men who had found air in each other. He lent in closer, pressed himself against Cas and for a few moments just let himself be.
When he pulled back Cas looked perfect. Flushed cheeks, lips slightly parted, eyelids a little heavy. He lent in again and for a while he lost himself and all his worries between Cas’s lips.
***
They got home at 6AM. Cas gave him one last kiss and slipped from the car in to the angel house. Dean went to his own house.
Sam didn’t come back at all that night. He showed up at midday on the Saturday and wouldn’t look Dean in the eye. Dean knew, then, they were taking the long road. They were going to go down the path where there was fighting and shouting and he didn’t know how to cope with that knowledge so he let Sam slink upstairs and went to the park.
Cas was already sat on their bench, looking exhausted and clutching a plastic bag.
“You’re here early,” he said, dropping down next to him. Cas laughed but it sounded hollow.
“I wanted to talk to you, I confessed to my brothers.”
“You confessed what?” Dean asked, suddenly alert.
“I confessed you,” Cas said. “I’m sorry, my timing could be better. I confessed sneaking out to drink, two sins. I confessed attraction to you, a sin, and acting upon that attraction, another sin. They told me to repent, to promise to never see you again, and I would not, so they asked me to leave.”
“They gave up on you just like that?” Dean asked, astounded.
“Yes,” Cas said, tightening his hands around the bag in his lap that, presumably, not contained all his earthly possessions. “Because I am not sorry that I sinned.”
“Do you think it was a sin, Cas?” Dean asked, reaching over to take his hand. “What we did?”
“No,” Cas confessed, squeezing Dean’s hand in his. “I don’t”
“Alright,” Dean said, nodded. “Alright. You know this is going to be hard, right? It’s not going to be easy for you to live outside that shelter you’d built yourself and I’m going to be kind of busy with Sam too so I’m not always going to be around as much as I might like.”
“It...it’s fine,” Cas said, trying to withdraw his hand. “I understand, I will go to Balthazar...”
“No,” Dean replied, pulling him close. “I’m not saying to go, I’m just saying it’s going to be hard work. But you and me, we’re good at hard work, right?”
“Yes,” Cas said, and it sounded almost like a prayer.
“Good, so come home with me?”
“Your father won’t be happy.”
“Well, he can suck it,” Dean said, laughing though he wasn’t sure where he got the confidence to laugh. “For once I’m having something for me. How about it, Cas? Want to be the one thing I have for me?”
Cas didn’t answer with words, but he did lean in to kiss him and that was just as good.
Castiel is in a religious community where they seek to emulate Angels. There's an annoying family down the street named the Winchesters.
True love happy ending.
You can read this as AO3
OR
The house down the street
Signe_chan
Summary:
Dean's a normal guy who works in a salvage yard. Castiel lives in a religious community down the street. Clearly it's love.
Work Text:
“Let us pray,” Zachariah said, placing his palms together and lowering his head. Castiel copied the gesture, allowing his eyes to close. Beside him Rachel shifted in her seat but he tried to ignore her and feel the grace of god move through him as Zachariah recited the mealtime prayer. All he felt was Rachel’s arm digging into his rib and he hated it. He longed for the flush of faith to return, the one that had first brought him to this family, but every day it seemed more and more distant and his faith harder and harder to maintain.
Not that he could voice doubts like that. Not here, not ever.
“Amen,” he said with the rest of the table, lifting his head and opening his eyes. Zachariah looked pompous, flushed with importance to be sat at the head of the table while Michael was away recruiting. His other brothers and sisters began to eat quietly. Things were always quiet in the house, it was a place away from the world, a place for contemplation.
He liked that, mostly. Liked that he was allowed the sanctity of his own thought, if not his own actions. It still felt odd to him for the house to be so full and yet so quiet. The houses he’d lived in before he found this family had never been this full but all of them had been loud, bubbling over with gossip and conversation. Now, twelve of them sat around the table (three chairs empty for those not currently here) and it was silent.
They finished their soup - a simple broth with vegetables grown in the garden by their own hands, and the sisters rose to clear the table. There were only three of them, recruiting new sisters was a priority for the house.
Once they were gone the brothers closed ranks, shifting close together at the head of the table to relate the news of the day. The sisters would perform a similar exercise but away from the men, as was proper. They shared much of the work in the house but sometimes, he was told, the sisters and the brothers must be separate.
“Well, brothers,” Zachariah said, leaning back in his chair and gesturing to encompass them all. “Come, tell me your news of the day!”
They all turned to Raphael, one of the original members of the house. There had been general surprise that Michael hadn’t chosen him to head the house while he was away but they all knew better than to challenge Michael.
“Today I read a verse, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it”, then meditated on this verse.“
“Amen,” the all echoed and Raphael smiled a self-satisfied smile.
They continued in order of rank. Castiel, for his faith, was high in the list. He knew this was the time when he should confess his doubts and seek the solace and salvation of his brothers but experience stilled his tongue. He had been here when Lucifer began to confess his doubts, he knew what would follow (and wasn’t it right that Lucifer was the one who fell, they all said after that they should have known).
Instead he told them of his walk to the local park, how he had passed a child and prayed for her soul. The brothers nodded and moved on.
He stayed quiet until Samanadriel had recited the final deeds of the day and then, with his brothers, he prayed.
***
“I saw one of the freaks from that angel house today,” John said, dropping down into his seat. “One of the men, I mean.”
Dean nodded. Wouldn’t be worth mentioning otherwise, you saw the girls out often enough. Not that they ever spoke to anyone other than to exchange basic courtesies and ask if they’d like to pray. Freaks. He was kind of used to it, though. The Angel House had been on the street for ten years now, he was familiar with how weird it was.
‘What, did they try to convert you?” Sam asked with a grin. He was the only one who didn’t seem to hate the place. John and Dean sure did. It wasn’t that they hadn’t given them a chance. When they’d first moved in and there’d only been four of them, well, Dad had tried and Dean remembered him trying but they’d never been interested in anyone outside their own walls unless they thought they could turn them in to an angel.
Dean wasn’t even a little bit interested in that.
‘I just like to know where those freaks are so I can avoid them,’ John growled.
“We get it,’” Sam assured him. “Was this guy even doing anything to you or did you just hate him on sight?”
“He was talking to some kid at the park,” Dad said with a shrug. “Wearing a weird trench coat, probably some kind of closet pervert. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were all closet perverts over there.”
“As long as they stay over there, I don’t really mind,” Dean said with a shrug. “I mean, so long as we don’t have to talk to them.”
“Right,” Dad agreed. Sam rolled his eyes but luckily didn’t say anything. Dean breathed a sigh of relief. More than one of their argument had been started by the occupants of the Angel house and he didn’t want to get into that right now.
A timer went off in the kitchen and he stood up, quickly going to retrieve the dinner. He opened the door and smelt the pie cooking within. It smelt rich, he imagined it was going to taste delicious and he shut the oven door with a grin. If there was one thing he honestly loved it was cooking for his family. He’d taken it over a few years ago when Dad nearly burnt the kitchen and brought up a lot of old wounds.
He took the pie out, slicing it and plating up to quickly and then adding a dollop of the creamy mash he’d finished just before dad came in. It looked delicious, Hopefully good enough to shut dad up about the angel house for a minute at least.
The thing was, he got here Dad was coming from, they were weird and he didn’t like them. He also got where Sam was coming from, that it was none of his damn business if they weren’t hurting him. He was just sick of being in the middle of them. He thought it’d get better when Sam went to college but it had only gotten worse and how he’d graduated it seemed like they couldn’t say a thing to each other without arguing.
It was almost enough to make him want to move out but he knew if he did they’d kill each other in a week. It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to go either. Not since Lisa had said her last goodbye and moved away.
He picked up Sam and Dad’s plates and carried them through. Sam was grinning at his phone, probably Jess, and Dad was sipping a beer so they’d apparently managed not to kill each other while he was gone so that was an improvement. He went back to grab his own plate and dug in.
As they ate Dad complained about work and Sam rolled his eyes but kept quiet. Dean just nodded along. He didn’t mention his own day at the scrap yard, it had been kind of the same as every day. Long and frustrating and a hint of boring, but the company was alright and Bobby had let him choose the radio station so there was that at least.
Once they’d finished Sam and Dad stood up and left, Sam to his room with his phone glued to his hand and Dad to watch something, a fresh beer next to him and at least they weren’t fighting to Dean grinned and went off to the kitchen to clean up. Another successful meal.
***
Anna was beautiful. Castiel knew that objectively though, of course, she was his sister so he didn’t think of expressing it to her. But she was beautiful, and not just in the obvious way. She smiled bright enough to light up a room and her laugh sounded like bells. She sometimes made him think about things he wasn’t meant to think of now, things from when he was a regular man - before he became an angel, so he avoided her as a rule.
Today they were working in the garden together. Balthazar was there too, though he always resented his time in the garden so he worked slowly and grudgingly. Castiel quite enjoyed it. The sun was warm today and across the vegetable patch Joshua was humming one of his favorite hymns.
Anna was crouched a little closer to Balthazar then was normally acceptable, but she was young and Balthazar was a handsome man so Castiel could accept they might be drawn to each other. Of course, nothing could come of it. Not in a life like this, but he could forgive them this little indulgence and looked away when she lifted a hand to lay on Balthazar’s arm.
Anna was the only person in the house who was actually a blood relation or someone else in the house. Zacharia’s niece, her parents had died young leaving her in his care and she’d been only thirteen when she entered the house, making her both the youngest sister and technically the most senior. Castiel understood why this life might be hard for her. He’d tasted the world and chosen this life for himself but she’d never had that choice. He’d wished, at times, that he could give her the chance to go out and tastes the world, like he was her indulgent father and not her brother in the eyes of the Lord, but he knew Michael would never tolerate it.
She was looking at him now, hand still on Balthazar’s arm, and Balthazar was grinning as only a man who knew he sinned but indulged anyway could grin. Castiel turned his eyes. He was not here to guard Balthazar’s soul. He wouldn’t interfere unless it went to far.
He went to the far corner of the garden to refill his watering can. After a few minutes he heard the swish of her skirt as Anna followed.
“Castiel,” she whispered urgently, laying a hand on his arm. “Can I trust you?”
“Of course,” he said, immediately. “With anything.”
“Balthazar thinks I’m mad,” she said with a little self-deprecating twist of her lip. “I think you might understand, though. You see, we’re going to sneak out tonight and I’d like to invite you to come.”
“Anna,” he hissed, glancing around to ensure nobody had heard them. “You can’t, what if Michael were to find out?”
“Balthazar’s been doing it for months,” she insisted, “Maybe even years. Michael isn’t here right now, he says it should be safe. Will you please come? It’d been so long since I talked to anyone other than the people here and, well, I’d feel so much safer if you were there too.”
“If you want to feel safe you should stay here with your family,” he said, but he already knew from the sad look in his eyes that he was going to give in to her. “You’ll...If you must go you’ll be safe with Balthazar.”
“But I’d be safer with you,” she insisted, and Castiel couldn’t deny that for he knew the problems with drink and drugs that had led to Balthazar joining the house. Of his brothers, he was closer to Balthazar then all of them. Still, he knew that Balthazar was troubled by temptation and, if he could not stop Anna leaving, he’d be better to go with her.
“Please, sister,” he hissed. “Please just stay.”
“I can’t,” she said, and she sounded almost anguished. “What life is this, hiding here and never knowing anything about the world outside. It’s not that I don’t believe, Castiel. I just want to see the world.”
How could he deny her that?
***
At ten O’clock the inhabitants of the house went to sleep. They woke up early to tend crops and clean and pray so it was no hardship and many of them slept easily. Castiel shared quarters with Uriel, which was nice as Uriel was the funniest brother he had. They had pleasant conversations when they retired and would pray together immediately before sleep.
Uriel was also a heavy sleeper and accustomed to Castiel slipping from his bed in the night and
walking. Sometimes he had trouble sleeping and instead liked to use the time to meditate or pray. He didn’t stir when Castiel slid from his bed at ten thirty and changed his sleep wear for his day clothes, nor when Castiel slid out the door.
Anna was already waiting by the back door, nervous anticipation writ across her face. She gripped his arm when he joined her, looking into his face as though seeking confirmation that she was doing the right thing. He looked away, he couldn’t give her that.
Balthazar joined them soon enough and they slipped out into the back garden. He led them down the back of the property, through a gap in the fence and then through another garden and on to the street.
“We’re out,” Anna sighed, as though she could hardly believe it. Castiel had to admit he was a little shocked by how easy it had been.
“I told you were was nothing to worry about,” Balthazar said, grinning toothily and striding down the street like he owned it. Castiel followed more cautiously. “Though I must admit I’m a little surprised at you, Castiel. I was sure you were going to turn us in.”
“I’m not responsible for your sins,” he said with a helpless shrug. “And Anna deserves one night of freedom.”
“My thought exactly,” Balthazar said, slowing to throw an arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “I am glad you’re here, brother. Anna isn’t the only one who deserves a little freedom.”
“I’m happy as I am,” Castiel insisted, but the words sounded hollow to his own ears.
Balthazar led them to a house where they were greeted by a girl dressed for clubbing who kissed Balthazar deeply in greeting, so much that Castiel turned his eyes away. Anna watched them hungrily and Castiel tried not to think too much on that.
Balthazar apparently came here often enough to leave a bag of clothes that would certainly have not been approved by his brothers. He offered an outfit to Castiel but he refused, pulling his trench coat tighter around himself. Anna gladly accepted a change of the other girl’s clothes and came back to join them dressed like a doll, her face still shining under the makeup and a skirt so short, Castiel couldn’t help but wonder what Balthazar and this girl intended for her tonight.
They headed to town.
***
Saturday night was Dean’s. He didn’t work on a Sunday so he didn’t have to worry about being awake enough to be useful to Bobby in the morning. Dad went to that dive on 8th with the other security guards and never got back before 3am so he didn’t need anything and Sam normally went out, though he never said where, so even if Dad did come back early Sam wouldn’t be there to fight with him. That made the night Dean’s.
Some weeks he was so tired he just went to bed. He went out drinking with Dad or Sammy on other night, sometimes he just wanted to catch up on Doctor Sexy and eat some pie. Tonight he felt restless. Tonight he wanted to go out.
When he went out on his own he went to the roadhouse. It was one of the places his dad used to drink before he fell out with the owners (as he always did eventually at every bar) so Dean could be pretty sure he wouldn’t show up there. He also knew Sam hated the place so it was safe. It was Dean’s. People knew his name there, he felt at home.
He didn’t think it was odd when he came in and noticed a few familiar faces, but they nagged at him. They were familiar, sure, but they seemed out of place. Like they didn’t quite fit. He pushed it to the side, not his problem tonight. Ordered a beer, shot some pool, flirted with Jo even though she kept shooting him down. That was the game between him.
It was only when he noticed the familiar red head flit back to the creepy intense guy in the trench coat and his mind flicked back to the conversation with his dad earlier that week that he made the connection. They were from the angel house.
Once he noticed, he couldn’t help but look.
The girl, he’d seen her out and about, that was why she looked familiar, but she wasn’t dressed like he’d ever seen her before. Normally, they work long skirts and blouses, right now she was wearing a little black dress and heels that she clearly wasn’t used to walking in and she’s always been sort of pretty but now she wasn’t dressed like someone’s grandma she looked...
She looked like she might be the kind of girl he’d normally try to take to bed on a night like this. But he shouldn’t, right? Religious chicks were never a good idea, right?
Apparently he’d been staring too long because though she hadn’t noticed he seemed to have caught the attention of trench coat who was suddenly studying him intensely. He turned back to his game, trying to shut them out of his mind but every time he looked over, trench coat was still looking.
It was fucking weird.
He finished up the game and moved back to the bar, trying to sweet talking Jo in to giving him his drink for free thought he knew damn well that never worked. That was when red came up to him.
“Hello,” she said, a little breathless and a little flushed from alcohol.
“Hey,” he replied, smiling at her. “Erm, how are you?”
“I’m great,” she enthused, leaning on the bar. “Everything is so great. I’m Anna. What’s your name?”
“Dean,” he said, leaning a little closer without thinking as Anna led in to his space. “Let me buy you a drink?”
“Oh, please,” she said, flushed, and he nodded, turning and gesturing Jo over. Anna kept talking, leaning against Dean’s arm and telling him how new and exciting everything was and how nice everyone was being. It gave him a weird protective urge. Like, he got that she didn’t get out much and she didn’t quite get how many of the people being nice to her were doing it because she had a nice set of legs and a short skirt.
She drank vodka and lemonade, a single but it made her even more flushed and lose and when it was gone someone came to ask her to dance and she let them twirl her away. Dean watched her go quietly.
A guy sat down on the stool she’d just left. Dean glanced over and recognized him. The guy she’d been with earlier. Not trench coat, the other one.
“You can fuck her, you know,” he said, conversationally. Dean raised an eyebrow. “I mean, not that I’m her keeper but you know who she is, right? You were much more of a gentleman then the other men have been and our dear Anna, she’s never been out before. She deserves a good time so just be a gentleman to her.”
“Who says I want to?” Dean asked, glaring. The man chuckled.
“Oh, I’ve seen you looking at her. I don’t know when I’m going to be able to get her out again without consequences so, of you want her, take her now. You’ll be doing her a favor.”
“How do you figure?” Dean asked.
“Well, she’s only in that little convent of ours because of her uncle and really it’s no place for a girl her age. No place for anyone, really. She deserves a night to be the prettiest girl in the bar and have a gentleman take her home so I’m just saying that if you do we won’t say a word against you. Just keep it safe.”
“This is really weird,” Dean noted, but the other man just laughed then slipped off his stool and headed away. Dean looked over to trench coat who was still watching them with a frown then shrugged. What could it hurt.
He went over and asked Anna to dance. She gave him a wide smile and lent in to him, whispering in his ear, and said yes when he asked her to go outside.
He broke into a car. He wished he could do better by her but he hadn’t brought his own car and he didn’t have the money for a motel. They fucked on the back seat, slow and gentle and he made it good for her. She fucked like she’d never even touched herself before, like everything they did was a revelation to her.
It was a little heady and surreal.
When they finished she kissed him sweetly, said goodbye and headed back into the bar. Dean leant against the wall and just breathed for a second.
Then trench coat appeared.
A part of him had been expecting this. He’d had the nice, this was the threat. Trench coat didn’t look threatening, though. He looked a little lost and almost startled to find Dean there.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, confirming the impression. “I...I just needed a little air.”
“Hey, it’s a free country,” Dean said with a shrug. Trench coat looked at him for a second then moved to lean on the wall next to him. Unlike Anna and sleazy guy, Cas was dressed in the clothes all the guys in Angel house wore. A plain shirt, dark slacks. “How’d you get dragged on this anyway?”
“I’m here because Anna didn’t want to come without me,” he said. “I...she deserves to experience the world, I wanted to give her that.”
“Really?” Dean blurted. “‘Cause I thought you were going to be scary brother and now sleazy brother got his way you were going to come and threaten me away from ever touching her again.”
“No,” trench coat said with a smile. “Though I will agree Balthazar is a little sleazy tonight. I thought he’d overcome this part of his personality but it would seem he has not. I’m Castiel.”
“Dean,” Dean said, holding his hand out automatically for the other man to shake. Castiel took it and shook it firmly. Dean liked that in a man. “You guys have some weird names. Castiel and Balthazar.”
“We’re named for angels,” Castiel said with a smile. “When you enter the house you become as an angel so you take a new name for yourself.”
“Anna’s an angel name?”
“Yes. We have a Rachel too. And a Joshua, and a Michael. Though I fear the rest of our names are as strange as mine.”
“Nah, it’s a good name,” Dean said with a shrug. “Bit of a mouthful. Mind if I call you Cas instead?”
“Of course, that’s fine,” Cas said. He looked a little taken aback but Dean shrugged it off. He was a weird religious guy, maybe his kind didn’t go in for nicknames.
“So, how many of you live in that house? We see a lot of you coming and going but we’ve never got a real count.”
“You’ve watched the house?” Cas asked with a frown. Dean laughed.
“Dude, not like that. We live down the street. Me, my dad and my brother.”
“Wait,” Cas said, brow wrinkling. “You’re the older Winchester brother.”
“Yes,” Dean confirmed.
“You once threw flour and eggs all over the front of our house.”
“I did,” Dean admitted. “But I’ve grown up a lot since then. Mellowed out.
“Your father destroyed all our flower beds last week.”
“He did?” Dean asked, eyes widening. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t...I mean, I know he doesn’t like you guys but I didn’t know he’d done something like that. I’m sorry, man. I’ll talk to him. Can I do something to make it up to you?”
“No,” Castiel said, looking confused again. “It is fine. He often does things like that, we accept it. But you’re not very popular in our house.”
“Dad can be a dick,” Dean agreed. “I try not to be any more.”
“Castiel?” they looked up to see Balthazar leaning through the door. “Oh, hello. Are you trying to get laid too?”
“What do you want, brother?” Cas said, looking tired.
“Anna’s ready to leave,” he said with a shrug. “Are you coming with us or will you make your own way back in?”
“I’ll come with you,” Cas said, pushing away from the wall. “If was good to meet you, Dean.”
“Likewise,” Dean said, and then he was alone again.
***
Dean sees Anna two days later. She’d shopping in the supermarket with two other women dressed like they’re from the angel house. She flushes when she sees him but if the two other women notice they don’t say anything. He leaves her in peace and goes on his way.
He doesn’t seem Cas for almost two weeks. The ridiculous thing is, it’s the guy in the trench coat he has trouble getting out of his head, not the hot red head he banged. Anna was nice. Pretty and friendly, but there had been something about Cas. Dean kind of wanted to know him. He seemed, for the brief time they’d spoke, like a pretty sane and normal guy so they begged the question - why the hell was he living in the angel house?
For weeks after he kept asking himself that. Kept wondering what the guy’s story was, kept catching flashes of beige out of the corner of his eye and turning to see if it was Cas. Then, finally, it was.
It was a Thursday, he was running late and Cas was heading in to the park. For a second he thought about carrying on home but, well, Sammy and Dad could wait on dinner. He might not get this chance again.
Castiel was sitting on a bench by the duck pond, studying the brown water as though it held the meaning of life. Dean went over and sat next to him and Cas looked up, focusing on Dean and frowning.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice as deep as Dean remembered.
“Saw you sitting here and broody, looked like you could use some company. It’s some serious thinking you’re doing there.”
“Yes,” Cas agreed. “Serious thought it encouraged in the house. I was contemplating bible verse. Would you like to hear my thoughts?”
“I’m not so religious,” Dean said with a shrug. “Though if you want to tell me I’ll listen. If it’d help to talk it out.”
Cas studied him for a second, as though expecting Dean to change his mind, but Dean meant it. He’d wanted to find out more about Cas, this seemed like as good a way as any.
“Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.””
“Sounds kind of grim,” Dean said with a wince. “Do you fear god, Cas?”
“Yes,” Cas said simply. “For I have sinned, and then I was made anew as an angel, yet still sin.”
“Maybe sin is just human,” Dean said. “Like, we can’t help it. God wouldn’t blame you for something you couldn’t change, right?”
“Maybe,” Cas said, though he didn’t look convinced. “Faith is needed, to questions is sin and yet still the questions are there.”
“Questions are a good thing,” Dean argued. “I mean, if we don’t question things then how do we find anything out? Acceptance is alright but not without a reason. I mean, I know it’s stupid to compare but I used to just do everything my dad said without question, but as I got older I realised he wasn’t always the best person to take orders from. I mean, I still respect the guy a hell of a lot but sometimes you have to make your own decisions in life.”
“What if your decisions are the wrong decision?” Cas asked, gazing down at his hands.
“Then you live with them.”
They didn’t say anything else after that, just sat there quietly staring at the muddy water. Dean thought about his Dad, about Sammy. About following orders and about Cas. Eventually Cas said goodbye, stood up and left, and Dean did the same.
The next night, Cas was on the bench again at the same time. It became their habit.
***
Castiel knew he should change the time of his walk and his contemplation. Change the place, even. Maybe stop going out. Talking to Dean was becoming an indulgence, a pleasure, and he was not meant to have those.
Still, he couldn’t resist.
Dean was sometimes thoughtful, sometimes funny. He talked about his family, about movies he’d seen and meals he cooked and he asked about Castiel’s family, about Anna and Balthazar and the others. He remembered what Castiel said before and followed up on it, asking after Samandriel after Castiel mentioned he was ill. Mostly, he never asked about Castiel before. The people he’d spoken to since he became Castiel who weren’t part of his family had always wanted to know the before. Who he was before he was Castiel. Dean never asked.
Castiel was a little addicted to his talks with Dean.
If he could admit it to himself, he was a little attracted to Dean too. Though he couldn’t admit that as attraction was sin.
***
Dean kind of wanted to sleep with Cas. He wasn’t sure when it had started, but he’d been thinking it more and more. Thing was, their talks were pretty much the best part of his day, now. Everything else was a balancing act. Couldn’t talk to Sam about Dad or Sam got angry. Couldn’t talk to Dad about Sam or he’d whine and bitch. Couldn’t talk to Bobby about them as Bobby didn’t need that shit. Couldn’t talk to either Dad or Sam about the work he took on; Sam would just look at him because Dean had ALWAYS done the housework and never complained before and Dad would call him ungrateful.
Cas listened. Even when he was being a whiny little bitch Cas listened as though anything Dean had to say was worth listening to. He listened and offered opinions and condolences and was just about the best friend Dean had.
And in return he got to know Cas, which was what he wanted from the start. It didn’t take much to work out that Cas was conflicted. That he believed, just not in the same intense way he used to believe and that bothered him. They’d talked about it at length, but Cas still seemed conflicted and Dean wished he had answers to give but he didn’t. All he could do was be a friend.
He got the idea Cas needed a friend as much as he did.
***
Dean was having a shit day. Bobby had been in an angry mood and Bobby in an angry mood reminded him a bit too much of Dad in an angry mood and Dad in an angry mood probably meant stuff was getting thrown, at people if he was really angry. He didn’t want Bobby to start throwing car parts so he kept himself quiet and small and got on with things but none of the jobs went right and the day was just a write off.
So it made sense, when he get to the park, that after three months of meetings this was the day Cas let him down. He’d known it was going to happen sometime, it wasn’t like Cas owed him anything in spite of what he told himself in his head, but still it felt kind of horrible to sit down alone on the bench to stare at the muddy water.
He knew he should just go home but he didn’t want to. Dad had been in a foul mood all week and Sam was being extra sneaky which was never a good combination. Sam hadn’t come back from work until gone midnight last night which pretty much guaranteed that Dad was going to blow up at him tonight and Dean just couldn’t.
He couldn’t.
He leant over and put his head between his knees and tried to just breath but somehow the world felt like too much. Like, what if Cas never came back? What if he realised there were a million better people then Dean - people who were more thoughtful or intelligent or kind. What if he had to go back to getting through this shit alone.
How the hell had he let himself become so dependent in three months. This wasn’t good.
He heard footstep and he looked up. Cas was hurrying down the path, looking as harried as Dean felt. Their eyes met and Cas slowed, visibly relaxed. Dean felt himself relax too. It was alright. It wasn’t over yet.
“I’m sorry,” Cas said, falling in to his seat behind Dean. “It has been...it has been a bad day.”
“You gonna tell me about it?” Dean asked. Cas looked troubled for a second then nodded.
“Anna and Balthazar have gone,” he said. “They left in the night last night, there is no sign of them.”
“Damn,” Dean said, sitting up a little. His day had been bad but at least nobody was missing. “They’re not hurt, are they?”
“We don’t believe so,” Cas said with a shake of his head. “Anna left a note, though Balthazar did not. She thanked us for what we’d done for her, but said she needs to find her own way.”
“Sounds reasonable,” Dean said. “I mean, from what you’ve told me about how you guys like I’d say it’s not unexpected that a young girl would want to get out and enjoy her youth while she has it.”
“I can see that argument,” Cas admitted. “However, my brothers do not. Many of them have taken it as a personal insult that she left. Raphael is livid. The sisters are worse, even. Hester has been in a rage all day.”
“Isn’t your religion meant to be about forgiveness?” Dean asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, but my brothers seem to have trouble holding to that today,” Cas said with a tired sigh. “Myself, Joshua, Samandriel. We have begged forgiveness for her but they do not listen. They see her desertion as worse than Balthazar’s, he was an addict before he came to us but Anna was always pure.”
“Purity doesn’t exist,” Dean said. “Not really, anyway. Anna had wants and needs like every woman.”
“I know that,” Cas said, shoulders sagging. “I just hope she’s safe.”
“Hey,” Dean said, leaning over and bumping shoulders. “Maybe she’s still in town. You said Balthazar had a friend? Maybe we can go look for her?”
“You need not involve yourself in this, Dean. You have your own problems.”
“Yes, I do. But that’s no reason I can’t help out a friend. Come on, Cas. Let me help you.”
Cas sat for a moment, eyes closed, then he nodded. Dean smiled. This, at least, was something he could do.
“I will leave the house tonight when the others are asleep, I can meet you on the street at 10:30?”
“Better make it eleven, I’ll need to wait until dad’s passed out.”
“Eleven it is.”
***
“What do you want?” The girl at the door was indeed the one Castiel had met the last time he was here, the blond with the attitude who Balthazar had seemed to enamored of.
“We’re looking for Balthazar and Anna,” he said. Her eyes narrowed.
“If you’re one of their brothers you can go and fuck right off. They don’t want anything to do to with you.”
“Please,” Castiel said, stepping in close to stop her slamming the door. “I came here with them before. I don’t want to take them back, I just want to know that they’re well.”
“I remember you,” she admitted. “But who’s that?”
“I’m Dean,” Dean said, stepping up. “Dean Winchester.” Castiel tried not to focus on the feel of Dean so close to him. He knew he should not even think it with Balthazar and Anna gone. He trusted Balthazar to be able to care for himself but Anna? Still, it was there. This undeniable pull which he hadn’t felt since before. The need to be near Dean, to have more of him, be consumed by him.
“Oh, a Winchester?” the girl said, perking up. “That’s different. Balthazar took Anna out to a club to celebrate her freedom. Lucifer’s cage, it’s on 4th, just past the lights but you won’t miss it.”
“Thank you,” Castiel said, trying to hide the twist in his gut at the name. Lucifer’s cage, probably just coincidence but what if the first of his brothers to fall was still here, running a bar. Surely that was a ridiculous thought.
He let Dean guide him back to the car with a hand on the small of his back.
Dean was quiet on the drive over and Castiel let him to his thoughts. Instead he dwelled on his own. He was not even sure he should be here or how he would be received. Maybe Anna wished to make a clean break, maybe he had meant nothing to Balthazar though he had considered the other man a friend. Still, he needed to see them. He needed to know.
The place was lit up like a casino - red LED flames chasing themselves up its front and bouncers on the entrance. They pulled up and sat there for a few minutes, just looking.
“You sure you want to do this?” Dean asked, finally. Castiel chuckled.
“No, I’m not,” he admitted. “Have you ever been to this place before?”
“No,” Dean admitted. “Not my scene, but the name sounds familiar...like I’ve heard it somewhere before. I just can’t think where. Looks kind of intimidating.”
“It does,” Castiel agreed. “Shall we go in?”
“I guess we’d better,” Dean said with a sigh, opening the door and pulling himself out.
The bouncers give them an odd look but don’t say anything and they head inside. The place is ridiculously packed though it is a Friday night. Cas seeks out Dean’s hand without thinking, wanting to keep with him in the crush. Dean gives him an odd look for a second then squeezes his hand back and Castiel breathes a sigh of relief.
The noise in the place is insane, the music is pounding and the lights are flashing. He’s never been in a place like that before, not even before. He used to frequent places like the Roadhouse, where he first met Dean. This kind of place...never.
Dean used their joined hands to tug him towards the bar, which was even more crowded but he did at least spot Balthazar, leaning on a table a little way of. He tugged Dean in that direction and the other men went without resisting.
When Balthazar saw them he grinned, waving them over and Castiel crowded in as close as he could.
“Well well, Castiel,” Balthazar yelled, barely audible above the noise, and slung an arm over his shoulder. “I didn’t think you had it in you!”
“I want to check on Anna,” he said, leaning in to be heard. Dean shifted behind him, tugging gently at their joined hands. Castiel was glad to have the hold. It felt like a lifeline in this crowd.
“You didn’t come for the ambiance?” Balthazar smirked. “I am disappointed! She was on the dance floor last time I saw her. Just remember, my friend. If you ever want to get out you have friends on the outside, other than your adorable little boyfriend here.”
“Thank you,” Castiel replied stiffly, knowing it was meant well, then he moved off again, tugging Dean towards the dance floor.
As they moved through the crowd he finally spotted Anna, her red hair giving her away. He moved up to her quickly, somehow losing Dean in the process but focused. She spun when he tapped her on the shoulder and her face lit up in a grin when she saw him, pulling him into a hug she’d have found inappropriate just twenty four hours ago.
“Castiel!” she exclaimed. “What on earth are you doing here?”
“I came to check on you,” he shouted into her ear. “To make sure you’re alright.”
“Thank you,” she yelled back. “Let’s talk outside.”
He nodded and followed her out through the crowd. The air outside was unexpectedly cool and fresh after the crush inside and he took a few seconds just to breath.
“Oh Castiel,” Anna said, pressing up against him again in another hug. “Thank you! I’d hoped you’d come to see me.”
“I needed to be sure you were safe,” he said, hugging her back.
“Yes, Balthazar is helping me,” he said with a small smile. “I trust him, or at least enough for now. I’m sorry but I just couldn’t stand it there anymore. I know you chose it but I never did.”
“It’s alright,” Cas said, reaching up to stroke her hair. “I know it’s a hard life.”
“It is,” she agreed. “Nobody should live that way. That includes you, you know. I don’t believe that god hates us as much as Michael seems to want us to think. I was always told that god loves us before I came to the house, I want to believe that again.”
“I hope you’re right,” Castiel said. “I really do.”
“I’m going to go back inside,” Anna said, stepping away. “You know where I am if you need me, I trust you. And if you ever want out, you have a friend.”
“Thank you,” he whispered, but she was already moving away, the doors of the club slamming shut again behind her. He took a few deep breaths, trying not to think about what she’d said, and readied himself to dive back in to find Dean. Before he could the door opened again and Dean came spilling out onto the pavement, his eyes wide and blood running down his face from a burst nose.
“Dean?” Castiel asked, stepping quickly to his side. Dean reached out and caught his shoulder, leaning on him.
“Sorry,” he gasped. “Just, give me a minute.”
“What happened?” he asked, steering Dean away from the door and bringing him to sit on the step. He crouched down next to him, using the sleeve of his coat to wipe away the blood. Dean looked wild, eyes wide. He focused past Castiel on to the pavement and Castiel didn’t like it at all. “Dean?”
“Sammy’s in there,” Dean said finally. Castiel nodded. He knew Dean was very protective of his brother, like a good brother should be.
“Did you fight to protect him,” he asked, dabbing again at the blood on Dean’s face.
“No,” Dean said, his voice somehow full of despair. “You don’t get it, Cas. Sammy, my Sammy, is in there right now practically fucking some girl against a table. Some girl who isn’t his girlfriend.”
“Ah,” Castiel said, slowly. That was rather different from what he’d been envisioning.
“He’s high too. His eyes, damn Cas. It was like he didn’t even get who I was. He just punched me and...I just left. I need...I need to go back in there and get him.”
“Going back in there will not help,” Castiel replied, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “If he isn’t in control of himself right now, he might hurt you again.”
“That doesn’t matter, Cas,” Dean insisted. He tried to pull away but Castiel held him close. “Don’t you get it, I don’t matter. My brother, he’s who matters, and he’s in there right now high on I don’t even know what cheating on his girlfriend! I mean, I don’t know why he’d do that to Jess? She’s so sweet!”
“I’m sorry,” was all Castiel could think of to say. Dean didn’t seem to want to listen, instead he just lowered his head to his hands.
“I’ve failed him, Cas,” he said, and he sounded so close to breaking that Cas lent in, put an arm around him as though he could physically hold him together. “All I was ever meant to do was take care of Sammy and now, now I must have let him down or why would he do this?”
“Why he’s doing this is only a questions that Sam can answer but, Dean, you are not responsible for his choices.”
“Oh yeah? Tell me dad that?” Dean growled, rubbing his palms against his eyes. “He’s going to be so damn angry at me.”
“It is not your fault.”
“He told me when I was a kid, my job’s to look after Sam and look what I’ve done. I’m just useless. They were right all along. Useless and worthless.”
“You are not useless,” Castiel insisted, pressing closer. “You take care of them though they should care for themselves. You cook and clean and try to settle their disputes and keep peace. You are far from useless. And you are not worthless, not to me.”
Dean was quiet for a while after that. He eventually stood up, still as tense as he had been, but he moved to the car and not the club so that was a good thing. Castiel trained behind him and when Dean climbed in the car he climbed in the passenger seat.
“I’ll drop you off,” Dean said, his voice low and flat. “I need to drive, to think.”
“I will go with you,” Castiel said. “If you don’t mind.”
“You don’t need to...” Dean started.
“I want to,” Castiel assured him. And he did. Though Dean was angry and hurt and so broken right now, Castiel still wanted to be close to him. Not just to be sure he didn’t hurt himself but to offer what support he could, though there may be nothing he could do. Dean grunted, but he pulled away from the curb and headed away from their homes. Castiel let the silence fill the car. He wished he had words to help Dean but he didn’t, not just now, so he just let him drive.
***
Dean couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t think and he couldn’t believe it. Sammy, Sammy was everything Dean wasn’t. Everything worth protection and valuable and good to Dean’s rough and ready. Sam was meant to be the best of all of them, not this.
Never this.
He was going to have to do something. To say something to Sammy, to Dad. It was going to be hell, he knew that.
It was why he’d gone driving. Since he’d been old enough to drive he’d done it to clear his head. He felt, sometimes, like he could just get into his car and keep going. Not stop and turn around but just go, past the end of everything and never come back. It helped him put things into a kind of perspective. Helped him think. Nothing was helping him right now.
If Sam wanted help, maybe they could do this. His brother, though, was as stubborn as anything. This was going to be a fight.
He finally stopped after a couple of hours, pulling up beside the road. He looked over as Cas. He’d never driven with another person like this before, but somehow having Cas here felt right. He kind of wished he could take Cas and run away. He the the other man had his share of problems right now with his family, he wished he could drive them both away from it all.
“Do you feel better?” Cas asked, and Dean shook his head because he didn’t. Not really. He wasn’t sure he ever would again after this mess.
“Dean,” Cas said, he sounded as lost as Dean felt. He turned his head down to study his hands and then slowly, reached a hand across to take one of Dean’s
“You know, Cas,” Dean said, slowly. “I...thank you. I’ve made a mess but thank you for coming with me.”
“I would not be anywhere else.” Cas said, turning to face him then and, dammit, you only live once. Dean had already spoilt everything else, why not this too?
He lent over and kissed Cas.
It was soft, and for a few seconds he just sat there waiting, and then Cas’s hand raised to cup the back of their head and they began kissing in earnest. Kissing like drowning men who had found air in each other. He lent in closer, pressed himself against Cas and for a few moments just let himself be.
When he pulled back Cas looked perfect. Flushed cheeks, lips slightly parted, eyelids a little heavy. He lent in again and for a while he lost himself and all his worries between Cas’s lips.
***
They got home at 6AM. Cas gave him one last kiss and slipped from the car in to the angel house. Dean went to his own house.
Sam didn’t come back at all that night. He showed up at midday on the Saturday and wouldn’t look Dean in the eye. Dean knew, then, they were taking the long road. They were going to go down the path where there was fighting and shouting and he didn’t know how to cope with that knowledge so he let Sam slink upstairs and went to the park.
Cas was already sat on their bench, looking exhausted and clutching a plastic bag.
“You’re here early,” he said, dropping down next to him. Cas laughed but it sounded hollow.
“I wanted to talk to you, I confessed to my brothers.”
“You confessed what?” Dean asked, suddenly alert.
“I confessed you,” Cas said. “I’m sorry, my timing could be better. I confessed sneaking out to drink, two sins. I confessed attraction to you, a sin, and acting upon that attraction, another sin. They told me to repent, to promise to never see you again, and I would not, so they asked me to leave.”
“They gave up on you just like that?” Dean asked, astounded.
“Yes,” Cas said, tightening his hands around the bag in his lap that, presumably, not contained all his earthly possessions. “Because I am not sorry that I sinned.”
“Do you think it was a sin, Cas?” Dean asked, reaching over to take his hand. “What we did?”
“No,” Cas confessed, squeezing Dean’s hand in his. “I don’t”
“Alright,” Dean said, nodded. “Alright. You know this is going to be hard, right? It’s not going to be easy for you to live outside that shelter you’d built yourself and I’m going to be kind of busy with Sam too so I’m not always going to be around as much as I might like.”
“It...it’s fine,” Cas said, trying to withdraw his hand. “I understand, I will go to Balthazar...”
“No,” Dean replied, pulling him close. “I’m not saying to go, I’m just saying it’s going to be hard work. But you and me, we’re good at hard work, right?”
“Yes,” Cas said, and it sounded almost like a prayer.
“Good, so come home with me?”
“Your father won’t be happy.”
“Well, he can suck it,” Dean said, laughing though he wasn’t sure where he got the confidence to laugh. “For once I’m having something for me. How about it, Cas? Want to be the one thing I have for me?”
Cas didn’t answer with words, but he did lean in to kiss him and that was just as good.