Tin Man: Letter Read (1/?)
Title: Letter Read
Fandom: Tin Man
Character(s): DG, Cain, mentions of everyone, OCs
Length: 1,782 words
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Tin Man is owned by a host of people who are not me. I am making no profit, nor seek to. The title "Letter Read" and most of the wording for the summary are from Rachael Yamagata's "Letter Read." I am also completely stealing the idea that DG is short for Dorothigale from chibi_kaz. Go...read something by her. Now.
Summary: In a distant future, all that will be left for one of Queen Dorothigale's descendants are letters read.
Author's Note: This is a work in progress. I have a vague idea of where it's going (always essential to one of my stories) but I don't know how or when or how fast it's going to get there. If for some strange reason, you happen to like, please feel free to poke me at will if/when I slow down.
AN2: Thanks to everyone at ohzeebooks for all their help with remembering things, Wonderful Wizard of Oz canon, and just bearing with my occasional and random "please someone look at this and tell me I'm not insane!" posts.
AN3: Not that anyone noticed, but I fixed the crazy, cockimamie dates that were on each letter.
AN4: "Annual" numbers refer to the years since the Cains left the service of the royal family.
§§§
Letter Read
by Vashti
Chapter 1: Annual One: January to March
January 4th
Dear Mr. Cain,
It really sucks that you had to go. I mean I understand and all. You’ve got your own life to live, a son to catch up with…eyebrows to regrow. It’s just that after a year of seeing the same faces just about everyday, you get used to them, y’know? As bad as it was when Raw left only three weeks after the Eclipse, I shoulda known this would suck way bigger. Bigger? Worse? Whatever. The point is you were around a lot longer and the OZ doesn’t have, oh, cell phones or the internet or AIM. Because that would rock. Or if you would just run a landline up from town to your house, that could work, too. Because I bet that even if the OZ did have the other stuff, you personally wouldn’t. I’d have to keep up with you through Jeb. Heck, I’ll probably have to keep up with you through Jeb anyway. Ha!
Anyway, so, like I said….this suck royally, and not just because I’m a princess. Everyone misses you. Okay so mostly me and Glitch (Ambrose…whatever) and the other guards. Particularly my new bodyguards. They want to know how you did it without pulling out your hair. And by yourself no less. I told them that you actually shaved it once just so you wouldn’t look weird and Glitch wouldn’t feel so bad about being bald, which they weren’t too thrilled about seeing as how you got me an all female detailed. Now don’t get mad. There were a dozen witnesses and you know it.
Did I mention that I was sorry about your eyebrows still not growing back? *scans top of letter* Whoops! Forgot about that. Sorry!! Look at it this way, though, you’ll probably never have to shave again. That’s a plus, right?
Oh, and the little starry asterixy things? That’s to indicate actions. Which you’d know if the OZ had the internet or AIM or even text messaging. Okay maybe not with texting but…. You’ve already skipped this paragraph haven’t you? Moving on.
Um…gee…kinda out of words to say. Don’t you laugh at me, Mr. Cain. I’ve run out of stuff to say before, plenty of times. Just usually not for very long. And it’s not like you’ve been gone all that long or anything. Anything big that happened here in Central City would have made the news even by you by now. And, yeah, I realize that this isn’t exactly a long letter or anything (Mother read this part over my shoulder and walked away trying her best not to laugh. Sweet woman.) but in the land of email this is practically a novel. Maybe next time I’ll actually make it to a whole other page.
Oh, y’know, if I ramble on for a little bit here or add a P.S. I bet I can at least turn the page over. Think I can do it? Of course if I just cheat and write really big that would work too. This is kinda like being in school and have to write a 5 page paper, except on the Other Side you don’t actually write them out long hand (except for if you’re still in grade school, but maybe not even then anymore the way computers are taking over) you type it all up. Then of course you only make it to about 3 and half pages so you have to start messing with the margins and type font and…
And your eyes just glazed over again didn’t they. I don’t need to see it to know it’s happening, I can feel it from here.
Hey! Look! Back of page. Now that I have reached my goal, I can now end the letter. Next time I’ll try for substantial. Mother just walked by again. This time she laughed.
*sigh*
Miss You,
DG
P.S. Say hi to Jeb and Amalie! I’d say send pictures but you’d just look at me, and my letter, like I have two heads. It’s not my fault you’re all anti.
Oh! Send sketches!
1/18
Hey Princess, miss you too.
You're right. Never was much for writing. Drove Adora crazy. Made my superior happy. Short reports.
You're wrong about Jeb. Takes after his old man. Drives Amalie crazy, too. Scrap that fell out? Jeb. Novel's from Amalie. A "short note" of thanks for the party. Imagine a real letter. There's something a mite shorter for the Queen and your sister. I trust you'll get it to them.
Give my hellos to Glitch and Raw, your parents and sister. Everyone.
-Wyatt Cain
P.S. Still not having to shave thanks to you. Do miss the eyebrows, though.
February 1st
Dear Mr. Cain,
No more references to the missing eyebrows, kay? You’re really freaking out the bodyguards. I mean what do you mean they still haven’t grown back?! Glitch’s eyebrows (and facial hair) had grown in by the time you left. Of course he shaved it to match yours. Okay, but his hair grew back and that came off in the same lab experiment-gone-wrong that got you. You’d figure eyebrows (and facial hair) which is so much smaller than the rest of your head would have come back by now. So far I’ve been telling them (the guards) that it takes a long time for mail to get from one end of the OZ to the other and that, by now, you’ve got a beard to rival Rip van Winkle (dude who slept for a ridiculously long time in an Other Side fairytale. Just work with me.) and your eyebrows need mini-lawn mowers to keep’em down. Definitely Glitch’s hair is all whoa nelly. He won’t let me have my wicked way with it though. Basically he said, “I got a reputation to maintain, dollface, even if I knows that you know better and barrettes and epaulettes clash.” So, basically, I’m not sure if he was worried about his fashion sense or his sense of importance at court. If you’re saying both, then I think I’ll have to agree with you, Tin Man.
Anyway, I noticed you failed to mention how things were going in Middle of Nowhere, OZ. I must have been griping about it too much during lessons ‘cause Tutor was all “If you want to know how things are in the Western regions, Princess DG, then use your magic to find out!” He was all snap-y about it, too. But earlier than usual. I’m tempted to be a little proud of myself, y’know, getting better at getting him to lose it, except I feel bad about being so annoying. So I’m kinda stuck. Az, on the other hand, doesn’t know whether to be amused or really amused. Mostly she tells me not to worry about it. “Tutor was high strung when we were children. He’s not going to change now.” Except when we were kids I was even worse.
If you hear about Tutor having a coronary, you know why.
Suddenly miserable,
DG
2/17
DG,
Tutor was born a grumpy old man, or dog. Take your sister’s advice. If she can find it amusing, you should too. You’ll have plenty of time to be concerned about how every move you make affects the public later.
And if Tutor survived you as a child, I’m sure his heart’s not going anywhere. On the other hand if your mother the Queen asks you about my advice, I told you to be more considerate and dedicated to your studies. Which you should be, but don’t overdo it.
-Wyatt Cain
P.S. Thanks for not…y’know…by the way. We appreciate it. Sketches are enclosed.
March 2nd
Dear Mr. Cain,
I’m writing because it’s my turn and I’ve been a slacker loser about responding to your letter and Mother’s been giving me the evil eye. The mominator (don’t ask) isn’t much better. Actually I’m half afraid they’re gonna join forces and double-team me. It’s a scary thought.
Not that you gave me a whole lot to work with, mister! What was that, a 100 words tops? Just b/c you do taciturn well doesn’t mean you, like, have to. It’s called a letter, not a brief note. I mean you don’t have to pull an Amalia (letter? More like a novel!), but I swear your fingers will not drop off if you make it to the end of the page.
Aaaaand I just checked with Az. She assures me that, as far as she knows, including drawing on some really unpleasant memories from the Witch, there are no spells that’ll make your fingers fall off if you reach the end of the page. So how about giving it a try. You know like how when your mom makes something you’ve never had or you go out to eat and there’s like, some crazy fried rings on the plate that look like onion rings but they’re calling it calamari and you want to know if it’ll kill you or not? What does your mother always say? Try it, you might like it. At least that’s the trick Mom always pulled on me. Pop just kinda nodded his head and tucked in, or told us some crazy story about eating live octopus in Seoul or something. Which, by the way…calamari? Yay. Live squid octopus? Sooo not going there. Can you imagine it fighting you while you’re trying to swallow? According to the Popsicle they’re mini, but that’s even worse. I can hear the medical report now: First ever internal asphyxiation. Bleh. I’m all for not and saying we did.
So, um…I guess that’s it. If you’re looking at this wondering if I really sat down just so I could rant at you, then I guess the answer’s yes ‘cause I’m done :Þ Your turn bu-ddy.
Sincerely,
DG
P.S. Please give all my love to Jeb and Ami. Tell’em to hurry up with the kids. I want non-cousins to spoil rotten!
P.P.S Mother and Father and Az and Glitch say hi. I haven’t heard from Raw in a while, but I’m deciding to go with no news is good news.
P.P.P.S (yes I think this is ridiculous too, but Shane insisted) The bodyguards would like to know if you’re “amenable to a retreat in which you will show us the knack of keeping up with the Princess and her ability to slip through a crack too small for water.” Seriously, I’m not that bad.
3/14
Princess,
We’ve seen Raw and his. They passed our way briefly. He’s doing well. They might be in the Finaqua way soon as not.
I’ve had live octopus. Trick is to kill it before it kills you. Ask your father. Both of them.
Yes, Shane and Terry-Ann can come up this way. So long as their replacements are their equal. Ones they think would pass muster with me. Ask Ahamo. Because yes, Princess, you are that bad. I’m lucky to be alive.
No my fingers will not fall off I write something longer. But Hell’d freeze over. So I’ve been told.
-Cain
Other Chapters
Fandom: Tin Man
Character(s): DG, Cain, mentions of everyone, OCs
Length: 1,782 words
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Tin Man is owned by a host of people who are not me. I am making no profit, nor seek to. The title "Letter Read" and most of the wording for the summary are from Rachael Yamagata's "Letter Read." I am also completely stealing the idea that DG is short for Dorothigale from chibi_kaz. Go...read something by her. Now.
Summary: In a distant future, all that will be left for one of Queen Dorothigale's descendants are letters read.
Author's Note: This is a work in progress. I have a vague idea of where it's going (always essential to one of my stories) but I don't know how or when or how fast it's going to get there. If for some strange reason, you happen to like, please feel free to poke me at will if/when I slow down.
AN2: Thanks to everyone at ohzeebooks for all their help with remembering things, Wonderful Wizard of Oz canon, and just bearing with my occasional and random "please someone look at this and tell me I'm not insane!" posts.
AN3: Not that anyone noticed, but I fixed the crazy, cockimamie dates that were on each letter.
AN4: "Annual" numbers refer to the years since the Cains left the service of the royal family.
§§§
Letter Read
by Vashti
Chapter 1: Annual One: January to March
January 4th
Dear Mr. Cain,
It really sucks that you had to go. I mean I understand and all. You’ve got your own life to live, a son to catch up with…eyebrows to regrow. It’s just that after a year of seeing the same faces just about everyday, you get used to them, y’know? As bad as it was when Raw left only three weeks after the Eclipse, I shoulda known this would suck way bigger. Bigger? Worse? Whatever. The point is you were around a lot longer and the OZ doesn’t have, oh, cell phones or the internet or AIM. Because that would rock. Or if you would just run a landline up from town to your house, that could work, too. Because I bet that even if the OZ did have the other stuff, you personally wouldn’t. I’d have to keep up with you through Jeb. Heck, I’ll probably have to keep up with you through Jeb anyway. Ha!
Anyway, so, like I said….this suck royally, and not just because I’m a princess. Everyone misses you. Okay so mostly me and Glitch (Ambrose…whatever) and the other guards. Particularly my new bodyguards. They want to know how you did it without pulling out your hair. And by yourself no less. I told them that you actually shaved it once just so you wouldn’t look weird and Glitch wouldn’t feel so bad about being bald, which they weren’t too thrilled about seeing as how you got me an all female detailed. Now don’t get mad. There were a dozen witnesses and you know it.
Did I mention that I was sorry about your eyebrows still not growing back? *scans top of letter* Whoops! Forgot about that. Sorry!! Look at it this way, though, you’ll probably never have to shave again. That’s a plus, right?
Oh, and the little starry asterixy things? That’s to indicate actions. Which you’d know if the OZ had the internet or AIM or even text messaging. Okay maybe not with texting but…. You’ve already skipped this paragraph haven’t you? Moving on.
Um…gee…kinda out of words to say. Don’t you laugh at me, Mr. Cain. I’ve run out of stuff to say before, plenty of times. Just usually not for very long. And it’s not like you’ve been gone all that long or anything. Anything big that happened here in Central City would have made the news even by you by now. And, yeah, I realize that this isn’t exactly a long letter or anything (Mother read this part over my shoulder and walked away trying her best not to laugh. Sweet woman.) but in the land of email this is practically a novel. Maybe next time I’ll actually make it to a whole other page.
Oh, y’know, if I ramble on for a little bit here or add a P.S. I bet I can at least turn the page over. Think I can do it? Of course if I just cheat and write really big that would work too. This is kinda like being in school and have to write a 5 page paper, except on the Other Side you don’t actually write them out long hand (except for if you’re still in grade school, but maybe not even then anymore the way computers are taking over) you type it all up. Then of course you only make it to about 3 and half pages so you have to start messing with the margins and type font and…
And your eyes just glazed over again didn’t they. I don’t need to see it to know it’s happening, I can feel it from here.
Hey! Look! Back of page. Now that I have reached my goal, I can now end the letter. Next time I’ll try for substantial. Mother just walked by again. This time she laughed.
*sigh*
Miss You,
DG
P.S. Say hi to Jeb and Amalie! I’d say send pictures but you’d just look at me, and my letter, like I have two heads. It’s not my fault you’re all anti.
Oh! Send sketches!
1/18
Hey Princess, miss you too.
You're right. Never was much for writing. Drove Adora crazy. Made my superior happy. Short reports.
You're wrong about Jeb. Takes after his old man. Drives Amalie crazy, too. Scrap that fell out? Jeb. Novel's from Amalie. A "short note" of thanks for the party. Imagine a real letter. There's something a mite shorter for the Queen and your sister. I trust you'll get it to them.
Give my hellos to Glitch and Raw, your parents and sister. Everyone.
-Wyatt Cain
P.S. Still not having to shave thanks to you. Do miss the eyebrows, though.
February 1st
Dear Mr. Cain,
No more references to the missing eyebrows, kay? You’re really freaking out the bodyguards. I mean what do you mean they still haven’t grown back?! Glitch’s eyebrows (and facial hair) had grown in by the time you left. Of course he shaved it to match yours. Okay, but his hair grew back and that came off in the same lab experiment-gone-wrong that got you. You’d figure eyebrows (and facial hair) which is so much smaller than the rest of your head would have come back by now. So far I’ve been telling them (the guards) that it takes a long time for mail to get from one end of the OZ to the other and that, by now, you’ve got a beard to rival Rip van Winkle (dude who slept for a ridiculously long time in an Other Side fairytale. Just work with me.) and your eyebrows need mini-lawn mowers to keep’em down. Definitely Glitch’s hair is all whoa nelly. He won’t let me have my wicked way with it though. Basically he said, “I got a reputation to maintain, dollface, even if I knows that you know better and barrettes and epaulettes clash.” So, basically, I’m not sure if he was worried about his fashion sense or his sense of importance at court. If you’re saying both, then I think I’ll have to agree with you, Tin Man.
Anyway, I noticed you failed to mention how things were going in Middle of Nowhere, OZ. I must have been griping about it too much during lessons ‘cause Tutor was all “If you want to know how things are in the Western regions, Princess DG, then use your magic to find out!” He was all snap-y about it, too. But earlier than usual. I’m tempted to be a little proud of myself, y’know, getting better at getting him to lose it, except I feel bad about being so annoying. So I’m kinda stuck. Az, on the other hand, doesn’t know whether to be amused or really amused. Mostly she tells me not to worry about it. “Tutor was high strung when we were children. He’s not going to change now.” Except when we were kids I was even worse.
If you hear about Tutor having a coronary, you know why.
Suddenly miserable,
DG
2/17
DG,
Tutor was born a grumpy old man, or dog. Take your sister’s advice. If she can find it amusing, you should too. You’ll have plenty of time to be concerned about how every move you make affects the public later.
And if Tutor survived you as a child, I’m sure his heart’s not going anywhere. On the other hand if your mother the Queen asks you about my advice, I told you to be more considerate and dedicated to your studies. Which you should be, but don’t overdo it.
-Wyatt Cain
P.S. Thanks for not…y’know…by the way. We appreciate it. Sketches are enclosed.
March 2nd
Dear Mr. Cain,
I’m writing because it’s my turn and I’ve been a slacker loser about responding to your letter and Mother’s been giving me the evil eye. The mominator (don’t ask) isn’t much better. Actually I’m half afraid they’re gonna join forces and double-team me. It’s a scary thought.
Not that you gave me a whole lot to work with, mister! What was that, a 100 words tops? Just b/c you do taciturn well doesn’t mean you, like, have to. It’s called a letter, not a brief note. I mean you don’t have to pull an Amalia (letter? More like a novel!), but I swear your fingers will not drop off if you make it to the end of the page.
Aaaaand I just checked with Az. She assures me that, as far as she knows, including drawing on some really unpleasant memories from the Witch, there are no spells that’ll make your fingers fall off if you reach the end of the page. So how about giving it a try. You know like how when your mom makes something you’ve never had or you go out to eat and there’s like, some crazy fried rings on the plate that look like onion rings but they’re calling it calamari and you want to know if it’ll kill you or not? What does your mother always say? Try it, you might like it. At least that’s the trick Mom always pulled on me. Pop just kinda nodded his head and tucked in, or told us some crazy story about eating live octopus in Seoul or something. Which, by the way…calamari? Yay. Live squid octopus? Sooo not going there. Can you imagine it fighting you while you’re trying to swallow? According to the Popsicle they’re mini, but that’s even worse. I can hear the medical report now: First ever internal asphyxiation. Bleh. I’m all for not and saying we did.
So, um…I guess that’s it. If you’re looking at this wondering if I really sat down just so I could rant at you, then I guess the answer’s yes ‘cause I’m done :Þ Your turn bu-ddy.
Sincerely,
DG
P.S. Please give all my love to Jeb and Ami. Tell’em to hurry up with the kids. I want non-cousins to spoil rotten!
P.P.S Mother and Father and Az and Glitch say hi. I haven’t heard from Raw in a while, but I’m deciding to go with no news is good news.
P.P.P.S (yes I think this is ridiculous too, but Shane insisted) The bodyguards would like to know if you’re “amenable to a retreat in which you will show us the knack of keeping up with the Princess and her ability to slip through a crack too small for water.” Seriously, I’m not that bad.
3/14
Princess,
We’ve seen Raw and his. They passed our way briefly. He’s doing well. They might be in the Finaqua way soon as not.
I’ve had live octopus. Trick is to kill it before it kills you. Ask your father. Both of them.
Yes, Shane and Terry-Ann can come up this way. So long as their replacements are their equal. Ones they think would pass muster with me. Ask Ahamo. Because yes, Princess, you are that bad. I’m lucky to be alive.
No my fingers will not fall off I write something longer. But Hell’d freeze over. So I’ve been told.
-Cain
Other Chapters